I am stealing this title from Sullivan’s awards, but it seems appropriate for this:
As dessert ended, the woman in the red dress got up and stumbled toward the bathroom. Her husband, whose head had been sinking toward the bûche de Noël, put a clumsily lecherous arm around the reluctant hostess. As coffee splashed into porcelain demitasse cups, the woman in the red dress returned, sank sloppily into her chair and reached for the Courvoisier. Someone gently moved the bottle away. “Are you shaying I’m drunk?” she demanded. Even in the candlelight I noticed that the lipstick she had reapplied was slightly to the left of her lips. Her husband, suddenly bellicose, sprang from his chair to defend his wife’s honor. But on the way across the room he slipped and went down like a tray of dishes. “Frank! Are you hurt?” she screamed. Somehow she had gotten hold of the brandy. “S’nothing,” he replied, “just lay down for a little nap. Can I bum a smoke?”
That dinner party was almost 10 years ago; it was the last time I saw anyone visibly drunk at a New York party. The New York apartments and lofts which were once the scenes of old-fashioned drunken carnage — slurred speech, broken crockery, broken legs and arms, broken marriages and broken dreams — are now the scene of parties where both friendships and glassware survive intact. Everyone comes on time, behaves well, drinks a little wine, eats a few tiny canapés, and leaves on time. They all still drink, but no one gets drunk anymore. Neither do they smoke. What on earth has happened?
You got old. Plus, after reading this, I have concluded you were probably not much fun when you were younger.
TheFountainHead
Come on over to New Jersey you stodgy motherfucker, we’ll show you a party of yore!
John Cole
Maybe it is a sign of how low rent I am, but whenever I think of Courvosier, I think of SNL’s Leon Phelps, aka the Ladies Man.
David
Geez, sign me up for the drunken carnage. I know I prefer occasional over-the-top drunkenness and lechery to stable marriages.
The alcohol just brings out what was already there. Can’t say I have too awfully much of the slumming that these people have going on.
Guess that makes me boring or something.
Will
Actually, I think Susan Cheever probably was a lot of fun in her old days. A fact she neglects to mention in this really lame essay mocking drunks is that she is a recovering alcoholic.
tim
Ah, john and andrew, two up and coming alkies, predictably dissing this woman for her stupid article because, well, because it rings the bell a little too close to home, perhaps? Home being face down in the living room carpet, of course.
Sure, the piece is off base; she just got older and stopped drinking. But why is it that certain booze hound types, who rely on alcohol to express themselves, overreact when the wisdom of destructive shit-facedness is questioned?
Just asking.
kid bitzer
yeah, think the fact that she is the daughter of an awful lush, and was herself an awful lush, help to explain her attitude even ten years ago.
and they are things we are just supposed to know, john.
in other words, you’re just not cool enough to read the nyt.
Gus
Jesus, when I got drunk with friends at dinner parties, we just had fun. No scenes, just boisterous good times. I guess we could handle our booze.
John Cole
Yes, Tim, it was all about defending alcoholism, and not, as folks might interpret from the title of this post, about the writing itself. Writing such as:
The prosecution rests.
TheFountainHead
A little social revolution, from time to time, is a good thing.
Homer Simpson
(looking through the Sunday comics) "Oh, Andy Capp, you wife beating drunk!"
Hugh
Below is a cross post of a comment I made for the site linked to. I thought the article was really a fairly lazy and disingenuous exploration of addiction.
JGabriel
I haven’t read or even looked to where it’s linked, but I’m assuming that’s from the Susan Cheever piece in the Times?
"You got old" sums it up perfectly. Can they get any more solipsistic?
.
JGabriel
@Will:
And if Cheever is giving her 12 step program anything more than passing lip service, one might assume that’s another reason she’s not seeing as many drunks as she used to.
In the anecdote at top, I’ll bet Cheever was the woman in the red dress.
.
bago
For some it’s all about regulating GABA levels. Being in anti-social abstract mode is useful for doing math, but not so useful for getting laid, unless you meaet a woman who is impossibly insanely cool (although we were both on mdma stimulants at the time). However, for those of us that are cynical and jaded about the concept of ever being able to talk to strangers in generic and socially terms, alcohol is a godsend. It’s way easier to get laid when you’re not running a dependency tree for every word you speak.
joe from Lowell
Home being face down in the living room carpet, of course.
Carpet? In my younger days, there were nights I spent face down on a god damn parquet floor!
And I wouldn’t trade a single one of those nights.
John Cole
The entire piece is lame, starting with the writing and moving on to the underlying assertion that there is something wrong or boring with social gatherings in which people don’t get hammered.
The writing, though, is what really sets it apart.
Sinister eyebrow
I think she’s hanging around with boring people. Hell, I’m 40 and just going to a friend’s house for a "couple glasses of wine" typically ends with at least one person passed out cold in a chair, someone falling down on the lawn, a degeneration into fart jokes, and a cab being called.
Then again, I hang out with a bunch of attorneys who are much higher up than your average crowd on the substance abuse scale. I love my profession.
Zifnab
@JGabriel:
They can sure as hell try.
Seriously, though, what this article really needs is a healthy dose of ganja. For medicinal purposes.
Gerald Curl
"Everything in moderation" applies to both alcohol and adjectives.
Brick Oven Bill
George Bush would have been a much better President if he had been able to handle his booze. I believe that a certain amount of alcohol consumption is bred into Europeans. It is how we used to preserve grain for the long, cold winter. It is a part of us.
Taking away our booze makes us act funny. We have to replace it with untruths.
The Other Steve
Am I the only one who read that and thought Bulimia?
Going to the bathroom right after the food is done being served raises a red flag.
The Other Steve
Anyway, I’m 40… Our dinner parties aren’t like they used to be. People go home now at 11pm, and yes, generally nobody get’s rip roaring drunk.
bootlegger
F-that! Dinner party purposes! A fatty passed around after a hearty meal has everyone ready for desert in no time.
bago
You really have to start suspecting anyone that doesn’t have a few epic benders under their belt.
Zam
@Gerald Curl: This is full of win
John Cole
This is completely OT, but I have lost my tennis shoes. I was getting ready to get some exercise, got dressed, went to put my shoes on, and I can not find them anywhere.
I just wore them last night when I went to a friend’s house for dinner, but now they are nowhere to be found. Not on the porch, not under the bed, not behind the sofa, not in any closet. Nowhere. I have now spent close to 45 minutes tearing my place apart.
I think I am losing my mind.
Will
JGabriel
Yeah, I think that’s right.
bootlegger
@John Cole:
You’re probably wearing them. Did you look on your head?
South of I-10
@John Cole: How many drinks did you have at this dinner party? Are you sure you left with your shoes?
tammanycall
Jarring words or concepts from the first paragraph:
dessert
red dress
bûche de Noël
porcelain demitasse cups
Courvoisier
candlelight
lipstick
Frank
brandy
nap
smoke
/apologies to any Franks, smokers, or those who enjoy dessert while sipping brandy in candlelit rooms.
tammanycall
@John Cole: Were you wearing them when you came home last night?
Tim Fuller
Good. In addition to number one, which we agree on, I added two and three:
1. Attributing this phenom to ‘age related issues’ seems correct. The older you get, the less inclined you are to look at any near death experience (specially those involving alcohol) as lovingly as you did in your reckless youth.
2. The cops no longer keep a special cell with flowers and a couch for you and your drunken buddy, Otis. Aunt Bee isn’t likely to bring you a nice tray of breakfast biscuits either.
3. You’re already 75% baked most of the time from the ‘appetite encouragement medicine’ your California doctor prescribed. One or two glasses of wine and you’re as close to getting spiritual as an Indian chieftain on a peyote bender. Find me a cab.
Enjoy.
Person of Choler
Posting a lame article about dinnah pahties in New York gets an anti-Bush snark by comment #20.
This is still the BDS ward of the internet loony bin.
Zifnab
WHY MUST YOU SAY SUCH MEAN THINGS!
/sob
/cry
/curl up in ball, clutch blanket, suck thumb
bootlegger
Comment 20? We’re losing our touch. Must be all the hope up in here.
canuckistani
Maybe John threw his shoes at Bush and was too hammered to remember. Anyone get a good look at that video?
Tsulagi
I hear you. I was most impressed by Commander Guy this weekend. No snark, that little fucker can duck like a champ can’t he? Must be practice from all those years of personal responsibility and accountability trying to tag him.
The Moar You Know
@John Cole: Check the car.
@ Everyone Else: Goddamn, none of you even have any idea of what "partying" is.
TR
BOB is actually a Bush apologist, if I’m not mistaken. You must have BDSDS.
Laura W
NO obligatory Tunch jokes yet? Ok, I’ll start:
Check Tunch’s large intestine.
You’re welcome.
MobiusKlein
It’s not a party until the police come to make it stop.
Or join in, one of the two.
South of I-10
@MobiusKlein: Ha! When I was younger that was part one of my definition of a good party. The other part was people you don’t know start showing up.
TheHatOnMyCat
Nah, it’s not a good party unless you have to call somebody the next day and ask them what the hell happened.
The Moar You Know
@TR: That’s a relief; I thought his user name involved some weird pro-Auschwitz kind of schitck, so I always skipped his posts.
The Grand Panjandrum
@John Cole: The lady in the red dress took them home with her when she left this morning.
The Moar You Know
@tammanycall: Agreed. This list would be more my speed:
beer
tits
bands
cops
bongs
bathroom sex
lines
tequila
fire
passed out
smoke
Hey, what do you know? Cheever and I have the last item in common!
bago
Seriously. Wonkette can’t go more than 5 comments without mentioning Campbell Brown.
Eric U.
I lived in a party house for a short time in college. I was the illegal 6th resident, so when it came time to volunteer to be arrested for the noise at the party, I wasn’t in the pool of eligibles. I always thought that was a bonus.
I can’t believe we’ve gotten this far without discussing the fact that Bush is back on the booze again. ITHBMB (if this had been my blog, I’m trying to coin a new annoying abbreviation) the fact that bush was drunk off his ass would have made it into the post.
srv
First, make sure you are in the correct house.
Then check the fridge.
John Cole
I found them, and I feel kind of stupid. They were behind the bedroom door, and I never saw them, because I mashed them up in between the door and the wall every time I went into the bedroom.
@Laura W: Hater.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
You need glass doors in your bedroom, John. Not only will you never lose your shoes like that again, if you ever lock Tunch in again, it could look like this.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
HEY! Tunch jokes now go to moderation?
I don’t love you any more.
margolis
I love your blog, but that is one cranky, unimaginative reaction you’ve got here.
Joshua Norton
I love "Simon’s Cat" toons. The one where he smacks Simon with a baseball bat is still one of my all time favs.
Calouste
People get paid for writing like that? Instead of, like, taken out of the back and shot?
Comrade Stuck
Silly question. I can drink all I want when wearing my Superman Cape.
smiley
@Joshua Norton: Ditto. Reminds me of one of my cats who actually jumped on top of my 4 1/2 foot tall dresser and then leaped the almost 6 foot distance from the dresser to me sleeping on the bed. She got my attention. If I had been sleeping on my back, she probably would have knocked the breath out of me.
peoplesrepubliconcoppockroad
Care if I delurk?
20th birthday party: drunk, set-off firecrackers in a house full of shitty frat douches, hooter; girls, woke up next morning and had to do the "walk of shame";
30th birthday party; drunk, wore a lamp shade most of the night, late night;
40th birthday party: drunk, received stupid "old person cards", crowd left at midnight;
50th birthday party; a few beers, received stupid, stupid "old person cards; crowd left at 11:30;
60th birthday party (last Saturday night), glass of scotch, 2 beers, received really, really, really stupid "old person cards", crowd left at 10:00
At least I knew everybody there.
DougJ
That whole paper should be given a Poseur Pulitzer. The freaking restaurant critic thinks he’s James Joyce.
DougJ
I lived in Brooklyn for a while recently, doing a job that left a lot of time for this sort of thing and (1) no one ever showed up within an hour of when the things were supposed to start and (2) I drank less than most of the other people, the first time I have ever encountered that.
People do smoke less though. At my going away party, an old cop Irish cop neighbor showed up and asked "How come no one’s smoking pot, 20 years ago, everyone would be stoned".
Indylib
@Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse: LOL Classic Win!
Chuck Butcher
Twenty years of clean and sober living didn’t come from good behavior so by now I don’t have a lot endurance for that misbehavior. I suppose at least part of that is unanethesized brain watching people becoming increasingly stupid.
"You had to be there," is better phrased in terms of "have" to be there for it to be fun. I’m still a little crazy in terms of my amusements but stupidity isn’t much of a feature. I am around people who are drinking at times and it doesn’t bother me, I simply bail if it gets to over-consumption. I am long past the point where my alcoholism/addiction is an issue for me regarding other’s use, today it’s simply a matter of what is and isn’t fun for me to be a part of.
Something to keep in mind about recovering addicts is that they don’t understand moderation in themselves or others. To this day when I watch a friend drink some iced-tea and then a mixed drink and then something non-alcoholic and then… I am simply confounded, it’s just not right, once you drink – you drink.
Yes, that piece of writing sucks.
lovethebomb
All of this is stupid and silly. It is like talking about the weather. You drink, you act stupid. You don’t drink, you criticize those who do. It can be fun, it can not be fun. Or how about this; you drink and don’t act stupid and those who don’t drink can stop being such self righteous pricks. Also, this is another one in a long string of straw man blog posts.
wagonjak
I thought this column was pretty funny and right on. I see the same pullback on the west coast from drunken behavior that would have been tolerated and laughed about ten years ago…and marijuana is completely back in the closet in most polite parties…
I drink because it loosens me up and relaxes me, and I’ll never apologize for it…and the last time I got really drunk at a party was probably 30 years ago (I’m a ripe old 66)>
wagonjak
PS I also guess late teens and college kids haven’t gotten the message of moderation yet…binge drinking to get seriously drunk is still very big with them!
wagonjak
PSS And I really want to thank you for the ability to edit our remarks for 5 minutes after we post…I don’t know how many posts with misspellings and stupid grammer I wish I could have edited after I posted without that ability!
Hugh
The weather isn’t what it used to be. I remember the weather way back when at New York parties. Wild. I guess I’m old now.
jvill
I lived in a loft in Tribeca 10 years ago. People were publicly drunk, and occasionally things were broken (and sometimes stolen).
I now live in a duplex in Brooklyn. Same deal.
I guess the socialite scene isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Laura W
@John Cole:
Ouch.
Tunch’s oral fixation and desire to punish you, stemming from deep resentment, would be totally understandable, and justified.
Ever since G-squared came into the "picture" (Ha – get it?) there has not been one Tunch appearance on this blog. Nor any other kitties, as far as I can recall.
The most recent thread has grown tiresome. Now is the time on BJ ven ve dance.
agorabum
wagonjak: what, you can’t get a medical card? I’d think that with so many friends in their 60s, someone could get a hold of it pretty easy.
LiberalTarian
If drunken excess and absolutely fabulous behavior is your idea of fun, I was really your girl.
But, like the folks you are talking about … I got old. A little wine (cuz I hate being hung over) and tiny food helpings (cuz first I’m fat then I can never eat anything being served) pretty much describes the extent of my partying life style.
But, anyway, off for a date. Have fun!!
Tattoosydney
@Joshua Norton:
Very cute. However, I suspect that Tunch wouldn’t have to resort to the baseball bat – him just jumping on you would have pretty much the same effect.
It might look something like this.
shane
Cheever is an awful writer whose prose rarely rises above the pedestrian. Try plowing through her "American Bloomsbury" some time, if you dare.
Aristides
Wow…I honestly didn’t understand what the woman was trying to say for the first several paragraphs.