Shorter Joe The Plumber

“John McCain wasn’t wingnutty enough for me. On the other hand, that Sarah Palin- Starbursts! Nom nom nom nom.”

Speaking of insane, my parents are picking up two adorable Jack Russell terrier puppies tomorrow at 3:45. I will have pictures and names when available.






62 replies
  1. 1
    Joshua Norton says:

    Names? For puppies? I’d recommend "Hey you!" and "Stop that!".

  2. 2
    NR says:

    I remember reading on a PUMA blog shortly after the third debate that McCain bringing in Joe the Plumber was the most brilliant move of the campaign and was absolutely going to win him the election.

    Just thought I’d throw that out there, in case we needed another reason to laugh at the PUMAs.

  3. 3
    Will Hunting says:

    Shorter Joe the Plumber: In 2012, I am getting 15 more minutes.

  4. 4
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    Jack Russells? Holy shit. They do look adorable, but I hope your folks know what they’re getting themselves into.

    My niece has a Jack Russell that is finally mellowing a bit with age, but for several years he tried to eat every other dog that came within reach. Great with people, though, as long as they spent several hours at a time playing with him.

  5. 5
    Comrade Stuck says:

    @Xecky Gilchrist:

    I once witnessed a Jack Russell utterly destroy a Doberman. Broke both back legs and almost tore one off. It didn’t take but a couple minutes before my friend pulled them apart. The Doby had to be put down after, He owned both dogs. I heard their bite force per square inch is greater than any other dog.

  6. 6
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Makes ya wonder what McCain did/said to freak out a wingnut.

  7. 7
    NR says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead: McCain showed occasional glimpses of sanity during the campaign. Not very often, but obviously even that was too much for Joe.

  8. 8
    Joshua Norton says:

    Makes ya wonder what McCain did/said to freak out a wingnut.

    Probably not much. Joe is just another wingnut with delusional psychosis. He doesn’t like anybody. He thinks Palin is ok because in his fevered little mind she wanted him – bad.

  9. 9
    Comrade Stuck says:

    @NR:

    McCain showed occasional glimpses of sanity during the campaign. Not very often, but obviously even that was too much for Joe.

    Yea, one day calling or implying Obama could be an anti American terrorist. Then the next telling his supporters he is actually a decent American family man. I guess his wingnut campaign modulator switch was malfunctioning, or something.

    And my computer clipboard is also malfunctioning

  10. 10
    MikeL says:

    Puppy name suggestions:

    Crash and Hardcore.

  11. 11
    Will Hunting says:

    Joe was/is a publicity whore. He approached Obama when the cameras were rolling and let the media take it from there. I wonder if he figured out in advance that McCain’s campaign was dumb enough to make him a star. If so, more power to him.

  12. 12
    Keith says:

    I was wondering who would get the coveted endorsement of an unemployed drain-snaker, but the suspense is now OVAH!
    Iron my shirt? Naaaa. Clean my shit!

  13. 13
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    @Comrade Stuck: I once witnessed a Jack Russell utterly destroy a Doberman.

    My niece’s Jack Russell attempted similar things, but luckily has never caused any injury that horrible to anything.

    I get to meet this dog over Christmas! Yay!

  14. 14

    Joe the Plumber probably saw the real McCain–you know, the one who was sane for about eight months between running for President and then realizing that a half-wit punk had beaten his ass like a tin drum on a Jamaican beach.

    The idea that anyone can be a politician has a certain charm to it, though. Anyone can spout off about public policy and what’s best for the country. Anyone can run their mouth about taxes, small business plans, and purchasing a ticket to the ownership society. The Republicans have proven that the Joe the Plumbers of the world are that reliable vote-against-their-own-economic-self-interest that will always keep them floating down their own little river of misery.

    How long before Joe the Plumber is sitting next to Rachel Maddow, providing witty commentary and a balanced view of politics and culture?

  15. 15
    Comrade Stuck says:

    @Xecky Gilchrist:

    this one hadn’t either. I guess the Doby just really pissed him off that day.

    Otherwise, he was just a really sweet dog, at least with people.

  16. 16
    Warren Terra says:

    The tags on this post need something, at the very least the "Clown Shows" tag, because the very fact that we’ve even heard of Wurzelbacher is one fantastic Clown Shoes episode. Beyond that, was there ever a Palin tag?

    Or does JTP qualify for the category of "monitor and mock as needed"? I mean, the category is technically for blogs, but "Joe" basically seems to be a winger blog in human form …

  17. 17
    Warren Terra says:

    Hm. I wrote what I thought was a perfectly moderate if admittedly snarky post, and it gets held for moderation after a minor edit to tighten it up a bit … while Stuck’s stomach-turningly graphic comment #5 sails through? It seems unfair …

  18. 18
    Comrade Stuck says:

    @Warren Terra:

    while Stuck’s stomach-turningly graphic comment #5 sails through? It seems unfair …

    Teh moderator moves in mysterious ways.

  19. 19
    Geeno says:

    Puppy name suggestions: Crash and Hardcore.

    I am sooo naming my next dog (almost certainly a JR) one of these.

    My wife wants small dogs – she thinks they’ll be easier (MUWHAHAHAHA!). I keep trying to tell her large breed females are much more laid back, but she insists on a smaller breed like Jack Russells or Dachshunds.

    Actually Pit Bulls DO have the strongest bite force per square inch of any breed, but unless you train them to be mean, they’re very disinclined to bite.

    Calmest dog I ever saw a 250 lb Newfoundland female. You couldn’t bother/rile her if you were trying. She’d just look at you like "Dude, I could totally PWN you; stop embarrassing yourself." Sweetest most obedient dog I ever saw. She could babysit your kids.
    I had an 80 lb black lab female as a kid. She was pure adorability – except with cats. Even kittens would send her into frenzy. Very smart, very obedient.

  20. 20
    demimondian says:

    @Geeno: The scariest dog I ever owned was a half husky, half wolf. Small. Territorial.

    And freaking scary.

  21. 21
    Jess says:

    Any of you dog lovers have much contact with Basenjis? I’ve read a lot about them, and they sound like my kind of dog, but I’ve never met any. I’m also intrigued by Rhodesian Ridgebacks–every one I’ve met has been so calm and dignified. I can’t stand dogs that jump all over you and slobber for attention…

  22. 22
    Tim Fuller says:

    A couple of Bandit. He’s as close to a Jack Russell as I’ve ever owned. Love pup. Construction supervisor.

    Enjoy.

  23. 23
    Seanly says:

    Mutts 4 evah! I’ve got one that is some kinda Chow Sheperd mix that people swear is an 80-lb Corgi. She was preggers when we rescued her & we kept one of the pups. He’s whatever her mix plus maybe Golden Retriever. She’s aloof & queen of the house while her son is a 100-lb lap dog. Good times. I should pester John with some photos of them.

    Oh & Joe the Plumber is a putz. He wanted attention but should’ve been slumming with Kristol & Ron Paul or other first class kooks.

  24. 24
    Mr. Tactful says:

    I have a Dachshund mix named Waylon the Weiner.

    They are great dogs in most respects. Smart enough to train, dumb enough to stay "cute" forever, and tough for their size. Mine actually put the smack down on mom’s Jack Russell due to the JR constantly trying to hump Waylon, though her dog was quite old at that point.

  25. 25
    Keith says:

    JRs are supposedly (read an article on this last month) the 3rd most aggressive dog (behind dachsunds(!) and chihuahuas (no shock))
    I’ve actually got a couple of small dachsunds next door that dig under my fence and terrorize my 60 lb pit bull routinely. Pits are almost always friendly towards humans (even fighting pits were bred that way for practical reasons – they have to be handled by humans in the box). Mine’s a blue show dog, so by virtue of UKC guidelines has to be bred for friendliness towards humans. It’s towards other animals where there’s a difference (and they can confuse small children for animals, leading to a large percentage of attacks). Show dogs (esp. males) are better around other dogs, but the biggest key IMO is early socializing. That goes for pretty much any breed with a capacity to be dangerous, so Jack Russells are definitely in that boat – early socializing + a happy life = good dog.
    Thankfully, mine turned out a submissive goofball who gets along just fine with my 4 cats, but he also grew up with them, which helps

  26. 26
    ninerdave says:

    @demimondian:

    The scariest dog I ever owned was a half husky, half wolf. Small. Territorial.

    How is that a small dog? I mean maybe compared to an Irish Wolfhound or Great Dane.

  27. 27
    LiberalTarian says:

    Serves McCain right for pulling that asshole out of obscurity. Joe the Plumber lied to Obama about his plans, and he lied to McCain about being a supporter (look at how long it took him to stick a knife in his back).

    But, that’s the GOP for you. All [lack of] character.

  28. 28
    Cain says:

    Please call them Cain and Abel. Thanks.

    cain

  29. 29
    Cain says:

    Or maybe Tango and Cash.. hahahaha.. err.. sorry, had to be said. Anybody see the dip?

    cain

  30. 30
    Turgidson says:

    @Jess:

    I’ve heard good things about Rhodesian Ridgebacks. Supposedly they desperately need a lot of open space to run around in, or they go a little crazy. Thus, they’re not an option for me unless I move out of SF (not bloody likely).

  31. 31
    Jess says:

    @Turgidson:

    I used to live in SF, and that’s actually where I met several RRs. What I liked about them was that they were cool enough to deal with urban life and went everywhere with their people w/o causing problems. How long have you been in SF?

  32. 32
    Jasper says:

    Joe: "Sarah Palin is absolutely the real deal"

    One ignoramus praising another ignoramus… priceless.

  33. 33
    robertdsc says:

    Beyond that, was there ever a Palin tag?

    Lies, Damn Lies, & Sarah Palin.

  34. 34
    bago says:

    for everything else there’s the RNC.

  35. 35
    Indylib says:

    When I was a kid we had a pound dog that was some sort of terrier mix. He was wonderful, loved kids. I have pictures of me riding him like a pony. But this dog had an overwhelming hatred for the mailman. My cousin got hit in the face with mace when the mailman aimed for the dog one time and missed. My Aunt chased the idiot mailman clear down the block. Lucky for him she didn’t catch him, because she is a big woman, 6-foot, 170lbs, if she’d caught him he’d have been toast.

  36. 36
    Church Lady says:

    John Cole, this is your reminder from Laura W. to adopt that precious tongue with a dog attached – a/k/a Bill the Dog. The merriment that would ensue at family gatherings, with a house full of Jack Russells, would be unforgettable.

    We’ve got a rescued Golden, Lola, a stray picked up on the street, that is the calmest, sweetest dog that God has graced this earth with. We also have Linus, a very goofy British Lab that my husband intended to train for hunting. It didn’t work out – he’s very skittish and just about passes out when he hears a sudden loud noise. He is very, very sweet, and makes us laugh out loud on a daily basis, but if he was a child, he would definitely be on the short bus to school. His blood is bluer than blue (all sorts of British champion lineage), but that much inbreeding must dull the wits a bit. All of which probably explains the British royal family.

  37. 37
    AnneLaurie says:

    Any of you dog lovers have much contact with Basenjis? I’ve read a lot about them, and they sound like my kind of dog, but I’ve never met any. I’m also intrigued by Rhodesian Ridgebacks—every one I’ve met has been so calm and dignified. I can’t stand dogs that jump all over you and slobber for attention…

    Basenjis don’t bark, but the noise they *do* make is pretty startling; to me, they sound like a small motor burning out a bearing. (Apparently most of them don’t "talk" very much, but of course if you’re counting on keeping your dog a secret from the neighbors, you’ll end up with a shrieker. ) But the main thing to remember about Basenjis is that they’re sighthounds, like Greyhounds or Afghans, with all the sighthound characteristics — they can be real couch potatoes indoors but they’re FAST, they need regular exercise, they’re fussy as cats about their grooming & diets, they’re determined and they are, by dog standards, kinda manic-depressive. The special chosen people they love, they can make themselves ridiculous fawning upon… which doesn’t mean that they’ll treat commands from those same special people as anything more than, y’know, suggestions. And, to put it as delicately as possible, they have a very high prey drive. They are far more likely than the average dog to automatically chase anything that seems to be running away — squirrels, cars, bicyclists, the family cat — and they WILL run into traffic or through "invisible fences" when they pick up some peripheral motion you haven’t noticed. In other words, you need a securely fenced yard (one they can’t jump, climb, or dig under) or else you have to commit to exercising them *on lead*, which means you’ll get plenty of exercise yourself. Also, they do not "fetch"… they will go after a ball or a flying disc with the speed & elan they bring to all athletic endeavors, but it’s strictly catch & release in Sighthound World.

    One of the friends whose adventures first convinced me I wanted a dog of my own trained (well, worked with) her rescue Afghan Hounds for competition obedience. She also had a horse, so her dogs got their exercise when she went trail-riding. My first obedience trainer had a Whippet, one of the most delightful dogs I’ve ever met, who helped her keep up with her marathon running goals. Because our obedience club was known to be sighthound-friendly, I also got to watch people work with Basenjis, Greyhounds, and Irish Wolfhounds. They are dear, wonderful dogs, and they repay with their grace & humor everything they demand from "their" people… but they are quite demanding. Doesn’t mean that a Basenji won’t be the perfect dog for you, but you should know what you’ll be getting into!

  38. 38
    Turgidson says:

    @Jess:

    About 5 years here. Love it, and don’t plan on leaving unless I can no longer afford it… [looks at the Dow for the last 3 months, unemployment figures, etc.]….ohhhh crap.

  39. 39

    Thankfully, mine turned out a submissive goofball who gets along just fine with my 4 cats, but he also grew up with them, which helps

    Cats will raise your dog right. In fact, there is no way in hell I’d get a puppy without having a cat around to teach it manners. Dogs remain litter box resistant even with the best teaching, though.

  40. 40
    Duke of Earl says:

    We have two long haired miniature dachshunds, they are both completely non aggressive toward people although one has to be restrained from going after cats. They both are friendly with adults but one is quite timid and scared of our grandkids and avoids them whenever possible (not often) while the other doesn’t give the slightest damn what the kids do to her and doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything as far as I can tell.

    Everyone that sees them when they ride in the car with us gets big coprophagic grins. When we only had the one people would smile, now we have adopted a second the cuteness factor is practically off the scale.

    These little mongrels make me LOL every day with their antics, good for the soul.

  41. 41
    Comrade Peter J says:

    What have the republicans done for McCain after the election? Lots of backstabbing.

    Obama on the other hand removed the greatest threat to McCain’s senate seat in 2010, Janet Napolitano.

    Keep in mind, McCain considered switching parties in 2000, and then being Kerry’s VP in 2004.

    So the question now is, who is he most pissed off at, the backstabbing republicans or Obama for defeating him?

    This could get very interesting.

  42. 42
    AnneLaurie says:

    Also, name the new guys Cloyd and Gidney.

  43. 43
    Michael D. says:

    I vote for The Captain and Tennille

    or

    Pinky and The Brain

    One is a genius. The other’s insane.

  44. 44

    Doesn’t anybody ever watch The Dog Whisperer? Seriously, he has answers to your dog behavior problems. Just watch heem. Thank you.

  45. 45

    So, I mean, what did McCain say, after all, that was so fucking appalling? I think ‘appalling’ was just Joe’s new word for the day. He’s been brushing up on his vocab now that he has the exclusive new blog up.

  46. 46
    4tehlulz says:

    I recommend "No, NO" and "Godammit"

    Because they will constantly be saying "No NO!", *crash*, "Godammit".

  47. 47

    Speaking of insane, why the hell is this guy still getting press?

  48. 48
    John S. says:

    Make no mistake, Doxies are as fierce as they are small. Mine put a hurt on a 90 lb. German shepherd back in the day. It was a fascinating display, sort of like watching Yoda fight with a lightsaber.

    Though fierce and highly protective of her ‘pack’, my Doxie is sweet as sugar with my toddler son. They are the best little dogs in the world.

  49. 49
    Laura W says:

    @Church Lady: Thank you, CL. I vowed not to hound (ha, not even fully awake yet and already I’m punny) John in public about the pup and I’ve already had a little slip. (I really do think Dexter Cole is that dog’s rightful name, however.)

    But now that I’ve been educated about the aggressiveness of these little bullies, I think John’s concern for sweet Tunch’s welfare is very wise.

  50. 50
    Capri says:

    Jess-
    I have owned several Basenjis in the past. It’s been said that they are very cat-like and that’s true. When you get home at night, for example, they’ll come over and say "Hi" and then go and lie down. Like all sight hounds, they are independent thinkers and problem solvers. That can be both a good and a bad thing.

    Mine lived very happily with my cats. If a cat ran in the yard, the Basenji might chase it, but once they caught up to it the game was over and they’d lose interest. They never attempted to bite the cat. They showed no interest at all in the gerbils, hamsters, guinea pigs, goats, llamas, and horses that also lived with me. I walked them off lead all the time, by taking them to a park or some other unfamiliar setting and letting them run with me. One Basenji (a female) could be trusted outdoors at any time to stick around the property; most could not. The only problem behavior all my basenjis had was chewing things -well into adulthood. They had to be confined in a room or crate when not with me or else I’d find pillows, chin straps, etc. destroyed.

    Unlike, say, a Labrador Retriever, you have to know dogs a little bit to have a happy relationship with a Basenji. Enough to know how to make yourself number one in the pack. If you can do that, by all means get a Basenji. If not, I wouldn’t get one on a dare.

    Also, don’t expect to win a lot of obedience contests with them. They can be trained to obey commands precisely, but then so can lions and tigers. I’ve never seen a Basenji appear to enjoy obedience like a border collie.

  51. 51
    The Other Steve says:

    My wife wants small dogs – she thinks they’ll be easier (MUWHAHAHAHA!). I keep trying to tell her large breed females are much more laid back, but she insists on a smaller breed like Jack Russells or Dachshunds.

    You need to talk to my wife.

    She originally wanted a big dog, but I talked her into a small one. We ended up with a long-haired Dachshund and she’s adorable.

    Yeah, big dogs are laid back but they’re still more work than a small dog. They need more excercise, and the destructive force is proportional to size. A big dog might not mean it, but can still knock over the furniture.

    Anyway, our Roxie is perfect. long-hairs are not as aggressive as the short hairs. She’s super sweet. Her bark and personality is that of a bigger dog.

  52. 52
    greynoldsct00 says:

    My best friend is going to surprise her two kids with a Jack Russell for Christmas; he’s hanging at the breeders until Santa picks him up. He’s going to be called Shorty.

  53. 53
    Krista says:

    I’m a fan of the medium-sized dogs. Not so big that you can’t lift them if they’re injured or sick, but not so small that they’re fragile (teacup Yorkies make me nervous, as do Chihuahuas). I have a soft spot in my heart for Westies and also for Lhasa Apsos. Nice sized, sturdy little dogs with a lot of character.

  54. 54
    Laura W says:

    @Krista:

    I have a soft spot in my heart for Westies

    Me too. I doubt I’d get another dog once mine is gone, and there is a big part of me that loves Golden Retrievers for their mellow vibe and beauty, but they are big and your concern about the lifting is very legit one I share. If I got a little one, it’d be a Westie.
    I’ve seen many over the spring and summer months being out and about and I stop the owners to ask about temperament. I am so not into yappy, snappy, needy dogs. Barking annoys the hell out of me, as do dogs that jump all over people and furniture.
    I’ve convinced myself once again that I prefer cats.

  55. 55
    Rick Taylor says:

    It delights me to no end to see McCain being kicked in the junk by the wingnuts he sold his soul to for the sake of the presidency.

  56. 56
    Glidwrith says:

    I second the motion with Krista for Lhasa Apsos. They are puppies (in the playful sense) forever, love kids and unlike other small dogs, do NOT bark – not even to be let outside. The only time you hear anything from them is if something or someone is on your property. Then they scare the hell out of you when they sound the alarm. Rest assured, you will NOT wake up one night with a stranger standing over your bed if you own one of them. They would probably lick the stranger to death, however. The only thing to watch out for is if they’re from one of the inbred stocks. I understand those have acquired nasty tempers.

  57. 57
    Gus says:

    I should pester John with some photos of them.

    Please do, they sound cute. Question for you long haired Dachshund owners: do they shed? They seem like awesome dogs, but my wife has allergies. Not that I’m in the market, I have two adorable mutts. Just curious.

  58. 58
    Krista says:

    They are puppies (in the playful sense) forever, love kids and unlike other small dogs, do NOT bark – not even to be let outside. The only time you hear anything from them is if something or someone is on your property. Then they scare the hell out of you when they sound the alarm.

    True. They’re great watchdogs, and for a small dog, not at all yappy. The only time Dreyf would bark would be if someone arrived on the property (or if he was outside and wanted back in, when he’d let out one frantic-sounding "Ark!") They can be good with kids, but like all dogs, have to be socialized properly to really be at their best. But yeah, they definitely retain their puppy appearance and playfulness their entire lives. Just keep a puppy haircut on them, and grooming is easy too. (They also shed very little.)

    One caveat, though: if your dog’s tail matches your hardwood floors, be very, very careful where you walk. If you tread on a retriever’s tail, he’ll just look at you mournfully. If you step on a Lhasa’s tail, he will tell you to fuck off and will give you a good chomp on the ankle for good measure.

  59. 59
    WereBear says:

    Jack Russells are VERY strong minded, high energy dogs. I talked my in-laws out of getting one… they thought Eddie on Frasier was adorable. Which he was, but in no way was an accurate picture of life with a Jack, anymore than 101 Dalmations was accurate, and led to a lot of abandoned Dals.

    Daschunds are lion-hearted because they were bred to go down into badger holes and kill them.

    So there you are.

    Wire-haired doxies are the ones to get for allergy concerns.

  60. 60
    John S. says:

    Wire-haired doxies are the ones to get for allergy concerns.

    I believe my next pair will be a set of those.

    As much as I love my smooth red girl, I don’t think I can ever own another again (it would remind me too much of her).

  61. 61
    Jess says:

    Thanks, AnneLaurie and Capri!

    I’m glad to hear that it’s possible to mix Basenjis and cats. They do sound like interesting dogs. I’ve been been around dogs all the time I was growing up, but didn’t get to know cats until I was an adult. Then I was totally converted; I love their lack of obedience, their independent-minded affection, their curiosity, their cleanliness and poise. It would be hard to go back to owning dogs, but my sister, who is likely to be living with me in the future, really loves them, so I’m trying to find dogs I could respect as much as I do cats. I’m good at being an Alpha bitch, so I think I could handle a Basenji.

  62. 62
    frankdawg81 says:

    I’d go with Nippsey (nip-sey)

    But alternatives:
    Jane
    Bertrem
    Finegold
    Means
    Stover

    all of ’em fine Russells

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