It’s Hard Out There For a Pimp

Two unrelated stories:

1.) Red State sent out questionnaires to all the candidates wanting to head the RNC, asking that they fill them out. None of them have responded.

2.) Larry Craig has lost his sex appeal. No, you perverts, his appeal to remove his guilty plea for soliciting sex in a bathroom.

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41 replies
  1. 1
    Tim Fuller says:

    So Larry’s as sexy as he ever was? Bleech!
    Enjoy.

  2. 2
    Comrade Stuck says:

    Larry Craig to the judge.

    But your Honor, it was Minneapolis, and the planes were landing and taking off, the smell, you know the smell of jet fuel and aftershave in the morning, and the low lit ambiance of the airport bathroom. I just couldn’t help meself.

  3. 3
    The Moar You Know says:

    I love the smell of Republican failure in the morning. It smells like victory.

  4. 4
    GuyFromOhio says:

    Red State sent out questionnaires to all the candidates wanting to head the RNC

    Maybe the urge to Purge will abate?

    Or not. Either way, I still pull this one up to just to feel the love.

  5. 5
    The Moar You Know says:

    In honor of the good Senator being forced out of the closet, I give you the Larry Craig Super Tuber, posted by his dutiful wife beard Suzanne.

  6. 6

    RS has forgotten their place. They take talking points and run with them, they don’t make them.

    Paging Dan Bartlett! Dan Bartlett to the Red State courtesy phone.

  7. 7
    The Moar You Know says:

    In honor of Senator Craig being forced out of the closet, I give you his favorite recipe, the Larry Craig Super Tuber, a foodstuff loaded with both grease and awkward symbolism, as posted by his wife beard Suzanne.

  8. 8
    sal says:

    Which one of those stories refers to a pimp? LC is a john, so it must be RedState or the RNC candidates, eh?

  9. 9
    Joshua Norton says:

    Sorry, but I cannot bring myself to read RS voluntarily, mainly because its color scheme makes my eyes bleed. And then there’s the, you know, actual content.

  10. 10
    The Moar You Know says:

    In honor of Senator Craig being forced out of the closet, I give you his favorite recipe, the Larry Craig Super Tuber, a foodstuff loaded with both grease and awkward symbolism, as posted by his wife beard Suzanne.

    Hope this works this time, the software ate my last two posts. WTF?

  11. 11
    JGabriel says:

    You mean even after that $100,000 upgrade, RS can’t get a response to their questionaire?

    Po’ Redstate. All gussied up and still can’t get a date.

    .

  12. 12
    gbear says:

    No, the RED state courtesy phone.

  13. 13
    The Moar You Know says:

    Super Tuber

    Draw your own conclusions about the good Senator from Idaho.

  14. 14
    Loneoak says:

    Larry Craig is such a solid conservative that he refuses to take advantage of the activist court ruling Lawrence v. Texas by getting blowjobs from other men in the privacy of his own home.

    You’ve got to respect that level of commitment.

  15. 15
    C says:

    But… but… the coffee cups!

  16. 16
    MikeJ says:

    It is disappointing that the court rejected the two county rule.

  17. 17
    Punchy says:

    You’d think these guys would be accustomed to being blown off by others more popular, good looking, and with fewer Cheetos-stained fingers than they have….

    Which is pretty much everyone.

  18. 18
    Zifnab says:

    You’d think these guys would be accustomed to being blown off by others more popular, good looking, and with fewer Cheetos-stained fingers than they have….

    Well, when you’re toe-tapping in a Minnesota bathroom, I think you’re standards of getting blown off have slipped quite a bit.

  19. 19
    bob the hog says:

    None of them have responded.

    Damn. Nobody responded to Erick’s plea for "facetime" with Sarah Palin, either.

    He just wanted to ask her about his little gun problem.

  20. 20
    Zifnab says:

    Red State: "We are your electorate! We wish to know where you stand on the issues! Please complete our survey, such that we can engage with you on selecting an RNC Chairman and perhaps fund raise for our favorite candidate."

    Republican Directors: "Ew, I think a peasant touched me."

    Red State: "Seriously, we wish to offer our support and insight into politics. We are your base. Please, let us talk to you and work with you to formulate an effective and compelling party message."

    Republican Directors: "Gah. They’re back again. Shoo! Shoo!"

    Red State: "Take us seriously or we will continue to give you only lackluster support and a meager flow of political contributions."

    Republican Directors: "Go away."

    And thus the right-wing political blog-o-sphere has once again flexed its impressive muscle and the right-wing party apparatus has succeeded in reaping the benefits of a strong and enthusiastic grass roots movement.

    Republicans have got this in the bag come 2010. No problem. Also.

  21. 21
    Svensker says:

    None of them have responded.

    I just love the current Repubs. Hilarity always ensues. (Unless, death, dismemberment or torture ensues first, of course.)

  22. 22
    Punchy says:

    Oh, NOW I see the connection! Cole, you sly mofo. One’s a story about getting blown off, and one’s a story about getting blown.

    Nice.

  23. 23
    JGabriel says:

    Krugman proves he’s still one of us silly bloggers at heart…

    .

  24. 24
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Loneoak: lolz

  25. 25
    Joshua Norton says:

    Speaking o’ pimps, rumor hazzit that Karl Rove plans to "name names" of people who did not consider Chimpy to be a legitimate president. I predict that he will finally go to prison, for plagiarizing every phone book in the country.

  26. 26
    Tsulagi says:

    Red State sent out questionnaires to all the candidates…None of them have responded.

    It may be hard out there for a pimp in this economy, but Erick has no problem delivering the comedy daily. All he needed for a little extra laugh on this one was to threaten to stomp his feet and hold his breath until the candidates acknowledged the RS tard collective.

  27. 27
    The Moar You Know says:

    rumor hazzit that Karl Rove plans to "name names" of people who did not consider Chimpy to be a legitimate president.

    If it’s like a guestbook I’m totally willing to sign it. With my own blood if he’d like. I had no qualms about saying it from 2000-2004 and stand firmly behind the assertion.

  28. 28
    The Moar You Know says:

    I give you Senator Craig’s favorite recipe, the Larry Craig Super Tuber, a food item loaded with both grease and awkward symbolism, as posted by his wife beard Suzanne.

  29. 29
    The Moar You Know says:

    Alright, I’m not sure what the hell is going on here, but NerdPress just ate about four posts of mine. Maybe it didn’t like the link, but damn, they were comedy gold. You have all been robbed, in a cruel and vicious way. So sorry.

  30. 30
  31. 31
    JGabriel says:

    Joshua Norton:

    Speaking o’ pimps, rumor hazzit that Karl Rove plans to "name names" of people who did not consider Chimpy to be a legitimate president.

    That’s damn near 80% of the country at this point. Wouldn’t it be easier – or at least shorter – to name the people who still consider Bush a legitimate prez?

    .

  32. 32
    PaulW says:

    Damn, I knew there was something missing from the Blago scandal: no pimps and/or whores to add sex appeal! :(

  33. 33

    @Joshua Norton: Oops, he’s going to call out Barbara Bush.

  34. 34
    demimondian says:

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: No, Rove didn’t say anything about a W. not being a legitimate *child*, just a legitimate president.

  35. 35
    Ash Can says:

    Nobody responded to Erick’s plea for "facetime" with Sarah Palin, either. He just wanted to ask her about his little gun problem.

    Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just — aw, skip it. Too easy a mark.

  36. 36
    p.a. says:

    1) Please explain why Sarah Palin is the most awesomest candidate evah.
    2) Please explain where the Republican Party can find new ideas (no, not just tax cuts). Under rocks? Pumpkin patch? Dunking pool? Poorly translated Biblical readings?
    3) Please explain the WorldWideWeb, internet protocols, convergent technologies and the best way to trick MIT students into getting the Republican Party access to any and all of the above.
    4) Please name any forensic accountants you know or have heard of so we may avoid some recent unpleasantness in the future.
    5) Please notify us if you have any knowledge on reversing the aging process so that said knowledge may be used on our withering (in all senses of the word) electoral base.
    6) Please respond. Please?

  37. 37
    kth says:

    If the candidates for the GOP chair are smart enough to know that there isn’t a single thing that anyone at Redstate.com can do for them, then there is at least faint hope for them yet.

  38. 38
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    Is that a gun Derringer in your pocket, or are you just—aw, skip it. Too easy a mark.

    Fix’d.

    I notice that Erick the Redneck posted at RS that his wife just gave birth to a son. I am already feeling sorry for the poor kid because they piped Rush (and I am betting Erick was not talking about Geddy Lee and company) into the womb (or in some way forced the poor child to endure while he was still in the oven baking).

    Unreal, absolutely unreal. Talk about practicing child abuse from the get-go.

  39. 39
    oh really says:

    It is a shame that the RNC candidates are not bowing and scraping before Erick the Red State and his fellow Red State Directors.

    Nothing will speed the complete demise of the GOP faster than following the course preferred by Erick and friends. Don’t forget, if they have their way, Sarah Palin will be the 2012 nominee. It’s almost impossible to believe that anyone would be stupid enough to fail to see the similarities between Bush and Palin and consequently, run the other way at the mere mention of her name, but then Red States’ preferred candidate in 2008 was Fred Thompson, which proves they have no effin’ clue.

    There’s not an ounce of intelligence or common sense in most of those guys. They are all ideology, all the time. As such, if what they’re doing isn’t working, the obvious answer (to them) is to do more of the same with enhanced fervor. That’s why they saw McCain’s defeat as a failure of not enough conservatism. Erick and his ilk really should be encouraged.

    It’s amazing (and sad) how common this kind of mindset is in politics. Many Democrats follow a similar strategy. If being weak, whiny, and standing for nothing doesn’t get the job done, then the obvious answer (to Harry Reid, et al.) is to find ways to be weaker, whinier, and stand for even less. That’s why no one was more upset with Joe Lieberman than Harry (according to inveterate invertebrate Reid himself), but Reid undoubtedly voted to continue to reward Lieberman for his stellar performance.

    I fully expect the Senate Democrats to continue to fail miserably, but I don’t expect any amount of failure to lead them to change course in any meaningful way.

  40. 40
    Xenos says:

    @Conservatively Liberal: Just wait 16 years. Baby Erickson will go the full hippy route- beads, incense, Ravi Shankar. It will be beautiful.

  41. 41
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    @Xenos:

    Naah, he will announce he is gay, plans to vote Democratic when he is of age and that he has smoked pot since he was nine years old. Erick’s head will explode shortly thereafter, his widow will move to Illinois and marry an AA and his son will get the sex change operation he always wanted but could not afford until Dad’s head exploded and they collected on the life insurance.

    Please? Life could only get better for them, that’s for sure. ;)

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