This morning, I went to the DMV to renew my driver’s license. It took forever. As a non-citizen, I am required to present my passport and my I-94 (immigration) card. I did that, as required. I was held up for over 2 hours because, according to the database, I was registered as a citizen of the United States of America. I presented evidence otherwise.
Shit.
JWW
Michael,
If our country could ever come up with a solution as to what an American is, we and you would have a much better life… Our government can’t determine what the actual time of the day is without debate.
You may have took them up on the error. Hey, you may have been a citizen in 90 days, they would have filed all the paperwork and thought nothing of it.
bleh
Shit is right. Just why IS that information inconsistent? Who stands to gain from it? You? You do this blog thing, so you have computer skills, right? Are those the sorts of skills that would enable you to enter and tamper with government databases? How do we know they’re not? What else don’t we know? What other information about you is screwed up, and why?
I think a serious investigation is required. And just to be on the safe side, I think maybe custody might be indicated. We don’t really know what you’ve done, or why, or what danger you might pose.
Naturally, if you haven’t done anything wrong, you don’t have anything to worry about. We have laws.
Zifnab
"Mr Osa Mabinla Din? First class you say? Right this way sir. Don’t bother checking your large back full of plastic putty, bowling ball-shaped candles, and large sinister-looking digital ticking clocks. We’ll have baggage take care of that. Now if you just take off your shoes, toss out that drinking water, and step through the X-ray machine, we can be on our way."
I feel so safe, words can only begin to describe.
Rosali
You should’ve voted.
justcorbly
Don’t look for nefarious motives when simple indifference and incompetence suffice. After all, does anyone know someone who wants a career at the DMV?
Redhand
As an immigration lawyer I can say you definitely did the right thing. There are major penalties out there for "falsely claiming to be a U.S. citizen." Your effort to correct this was a smart move, even if you weren’t responsible for the mistake to begin with.
barrisj
One presumes that you are in fact "white"? Otherwise, I fear that you would not be in a position to actually report all this whilst still "at large".
JWW
Michael,
I was not suggesting that you break the law. I was just making the point that our system is broke, has been for 50 years or so. There is a reason behind this, 1000’s of international flights daily, forgery, acceptable abuse, foreign governments with an "I see nothing" policy, and caretakers USA unlimited.
Bill H
Is this the same database against which voter registrations are supposed to be "verified" to assure that there are no illegal aliens or dead people registering to vote?
demkat620
The US government doesn’t make mistakes buddy. Where have you been for the last eight years?
In other words, we are not giving you back to Canada.
John O
I scoff, Michael. No disrespect.
Try to change your name to your name some time.
Then come back to me about your citizenship.
:-)
Happy Thanksgiving to all the wonderful folks here at Balloon Juice!
justme
Wait. We’re giving drivers licenses to immigrants now? What is this country coming to?
John O
It’s all coming unglued, justme.
Pretty soon we’re going to be offering foreigners like Michael the right to marry someone they love!
The horror!
TenguPhule
Welcome to Glorious Land of 19th century databases, Comrade!
cyntax
So you won’t need to watch Brazil anytime soon, having just lived it.
Wasn’t that helpful of the DMV?
Comrade Peter J
May I recommend the game Bureaucracy by the late Douglas Adams.
Snarki, child of Loki
Okay, fess up!
You practiced on photoshopping your OWN "certificate of live birth" before you did the job on Obama’s, didn’t you?
And you thought no one would notice. HA!
I hope you realize that this puts you at the top of the Obama Death list, along with anyone else that has caught on to y$@4kV4&99vb@#4%Q34
NO CARRIER
Fraud Guy
I had a friend go through a similar Zen situation a few years back.
His DL had expired while he was commuting to law school, and he went in to get a new one.
He was told that since it was expired, it was no longer a valid ID, and in order to get a new ID, he needed a valid ID. But in order to get a valid ID, he needed to get his new ID.
After about 45 minutes of trying to argue his way out of the paradox, we avoided the event horizon and went back to his apartment to get the non-ID documentation that could substitute for an ID.
Since he’s a Canadian citizen, I don’t even want to consider what would happen if he tried this today.
Vincent
I’m sorry Michael but the machines have spoken. You’re an American citizen whether you like it or not. There’s nothing you can do about it. The DMV is too powerful for even you to fight.
gbear
Just look at it as two-for-one day at immigration. Everybody’s having promotions this time of year.
Aaron
Michael,
You may not want to publicize this little snafu. Lying on immigration forms can have serious consequences for years. And the statute is unclear if it has to be deliberate.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Now they have you down as an ex-pat.
John O
Fight The Man, Michael. I’m on your side.
I don’t care if He labels you a health care absolutist with your Canadian ties. I know better.
It would be a waste of space for me to explain how sympathetic I am, Michael. Best of luck.
And try not to forget this could come back to haunt you for years. Prepare and protect.
evap
Maybe everybody already knows this, but of which country are you, in fact, a citizen? Inquiring minds and all that…
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
This just means that you’re to be rounded up along with the rest of us.
::grins::
wobbly
Think you got problems?
Mumbai trumps you, and you can watch it live on NDTV.
Great live journalism, all in perfect English.
Better than what we got on 9/11 and ever since!
libarbarian
God Damn Canadians with their beady little eyes and the flapping little heads. Their trash!
……
BLAME CANADA!! BLAME CANADA!! For their beady little eyes and flapping heads so full of lies!! BLAME CANADA!! BLAME CANADA!! Their not even a real country anyways!!!!
-Libarbarian + 8
Ravi J
You should have just applied for a US passport there and then.
DougJ
This is absolutely unreal: Politico ran a global warming denying piece yesterday, not written as an opinion piece, but by their freaking energy and environment reporter.
Unbelievable.
[….]
Jamey the plumber -- an American hero
Not a citizen, eh?
Well, I was going to wish you a Happy Thankgsgiving, but the God-forsaken country of your birth celebrates its so-called "Thanksgiving" around Columbus Day.
Take your 110-yard-long field/three-downs-having/maple-syrup-chugging arse back over the border, pronto.
Punchy
Hopefully on yo damn Canadian-US DL is a reminder TO FUCKING TIP YO SERVER! Damn Canucks and their 25 cent "tips"
ImJohnGalt
@Punchy:
Eh? 20% is my "normal" tip.
I find myself having to "top-up" my wife’s American father’s 10-12% tips every time they come up to visit, or we go down there. He hasn’t caught me yet, thank goodness.
I think the size of one’s tips is largely a function of whether one has ever been in the service industry.
Gus
Man, that would suck. I’m not clear on why you ever left Canada, unless you couldn’t stand the climate.