Dean Barnett is dead at the age of 41 from Cystic Fibrosis.
This is a post I do not want to write, because there is always the chance that when you write these eulogies, some jackass will decide that now is the appropriate time to lace your comments section with expletives about the deceased. Be warned- those sentiments will be deleted.
But back to the point- Dean Barnett is dead, and I am sad. He more than likely has no idea who I am, and there really is no reason he should. My opinions of him mirror the trajectory of my own opinions regarding politics in general – I am too lazy to look, but I am sure I waxed rhapsodic about the things he wrote when I agreed with him in the early days of this blog, and recently, when my opinion of his thinking slipped, I referred to him less politely as Hugh Hewitt’s jockstrap or other less pleasant things (and perhaps that says more about me than it does about Dean). In some respect, I agree with Spencer Ackerman, although I would not change anything I said, and I doubt Barnett would have cared.
But that is neither here nor there. What matters is that he is dead, and life is too short. Not a day passes when I do no ponder my own mortality, and not a day passes without me wondering how I will continue without my parents and the people who mean everything to me. A very selfish part of me hopes that I die before them.
Life is too damned short, and right now Dean Barnett’s family and friends are going through hell. I hope they are able to cope, and I am going to call my parents and tell them I love them and then hug my cat. I suggest you do the same thing with the ones you love. This whole racket is just way too short, and at times is a cruel hoax. Forty-one is just way too damned young.
RIP, Dean Barnett.
To donate to to the Cystic Fibrosis foundation go here. I just sent $50 bucks in Dean’s name, and I hope you will toss out a few dollars, as well. We are all human. This show is just way too god damned short.
Sifu Tweety
41 is much too young. A show too short indeed.
cain
He’s only two years older than me. RIP.
cain
Pixie
This is very sad news :( All my love to his friends and family in this sad time :(
LiberalTarian
Indeed. I am sorry for his loss.
My dad died at 66 of a stupid disease; my best friend was flattened by a tree in a winter storm at 42.
Illness is no measure.
Life is too short, even at 80. Live as though it matters, every day.
raft
touching post.
and since John Cole forbids us to write bad things about the dead, I won’t.
RIP.
Just Some Fuckhead
I’m pretty sure thinking about death all the time is a sign of some mental illness or other. My mom is like that. We’ll be visiting and she’ll just start going on and on about death and wills and who gets what and no funeral, cremation only because she doesn’t want a bunch of folks sitting around crying about her when she’s gone. And she’s been doing this for forty fucking years. When we were little, she’d start doling us out to friends or relatives in the event of her certain untimely death.
My wife’s dad used to read the obituaries to her when she was a teenager. Here’s one, Sandy, he died at age sixteen, prolly stole a car and wrecked it drunk. You better not steal no car and wreck it drunk. Here’s another, died at seventeen..
No one gets out alive so there’s no need to obsess over it every day. Worry about two things: that you leave the world a better place than you found it and that you don’t accidentally leave any embarassing porn on your computer.
David
Life is sweet, even when it has a sour tinge. Live it up, John Cole, and hope that you get to savor every weird bit of it.
My grandmother just watched her second child of three die of brain cancer. It is not something I would wish on a 90+ year old woman, even in my most selfish moment. Parents should never have to watch their children die, even if they have lived a relatively full life.
Life teaches hard lessons when ones you love die. You will survive it, and it will break parts of you and remake parts of you into a wiser whole.
jon
Forty-one is actually a long life with that illness. Many don’t get to thirty, though I imagine things are better than they were twenty years ago when I met a guy who had it. Guy could barely breathe, was bony as can be, and still had a will to live. Looked about a hundred but was barely in college. Mr. Barnett must have been quite a fighter.
If you can’t give money now or even soon, at least give up your organs when you are dead.
I give blood now and then, but right now I feel like I hardly do anything at all.
David
@Just Some Fuckhead: Though to give her some credit in her weird obsession, it is very good, speaking from experience, to not be left in a lurch as a child by the death of a parent. Be glad she planned, even if she was bizarre about it, because many children left without a parent or both of them hit extremely hard times without adequate planning.
Your point is valid, but I would add writing up a will and providing through insurance (and keeping the stupid death drama to a minimum) to your two things you have to worry about, making my total 4…
Dammit, how do I get rid of this porn on my computer???
gbear
I know you’re just thinking out loud (and you’ve already qualified the comment), but you don’t want to do that to them. I’ve lost both of my parents in the last six years. It’s hard as hell but it’s a natural part of life to have to face the death of parents. There are lots of parents who have to face the death of their children, but that’s not the way it’s supposed to happen. I honestly think of my parents a lot more now that they’re gone than when they were around, and I regret not really knowing them as well as I could have, but that chance is gone. No second chances.
Conservatively Liberal
When I was young, like many other young people, I did not respect life and death. Like most young people, I had no real concept of death until I had to see it first hand. We think we are going to live forever when we are young and carefree. As we get older and see others that we personally know or are related to pass away, we start to grasp the mortality of ourselves and the finality of death. It comes home full force when you lose a Mother, Father, Brother or Sister, it reminds us that nothing is truly forever.
The name Dean Barnett doesn’t strike me as one I know though I may have come across him in the past and just never picked up on him as worth reading or listening to in any depth because of philosophical and political differences. Regardless, his life was far too brief and I offer my condolences to his family and friends. You are right about life being too damned short, especially when it is cut shorter like this.
Our lives are mere picoseconds in the century that is our Universe.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Cystic fibrosis is a horrible disease. I’m sorry he had to suffer so much.
Jon H
"I’m pretty sure thinking about death all the time is a sign of some mental illness or other."
Or being Buddhist. (Not that ruminating on death is a big thing, but it’s part of the whole impermanence of all things deal.)
TCG
Thanks for the reminder
Jane_in_Colorado
Cystic fibrosis is indeed a terrible disease. My cousin had it, and died of it at the age of 18, which is not unusual. She was a lovely young woman who had just gotten engaged. 41 is an amazing age to reach with CF. I guarantee that Mr Barnett suffered terribly and I offer my sympathy to his family, friends and admirers.
gbear
I’m an organ doner but the Red Cross won’t take my blood because I’m gay. This ticks me off immensely. End of rant.
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
John,
Barnett was only five years younger than me. My parents have both been deceased for more than four years (my father for more than 20). You are well to think that you would want to have them around a lot longer. It sucks to be mid 40’s and have both parents gone. I consider myself an orphan.
Comrade Stuck
Yup, though it didn’t seem so at 19. For awhile, I used to think about death with dread, but as I get older, it’s become clearer that it is not only inevitable, but also a quite necessary element in the big picture of life.
I have heard the name Dean Barnett, but don’t recall reading any of his writings. At times like this, when an ideological opponent passes at such a young age, It kind of puts all the squabbling into perspective. It shouldn’t be as mean spirited as it’s become, and death is always the great equalizer in the end.
My condolences to his family and friends. RIP Mr. Barnett.
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
It’s okay, the Red Cross won’t take my blood because I’m perpetually anemic, so, it’s not just you.
MarkusB
My dad passed last month at 75, a few weeks after major surgery. If he could have somehow known that he’d spend the last month of his life recovering from that, mostly in the hospital and a nursing facility, he would have certainly declined the operation. At least he did make it back home for a week. . . .
I work for (basically help) a man who is now 81 and dealing with congestive heart failure. He is in hospice (as in, they visit him), and his heart barely puts out enough blood for him to live (ejection fraction of 15% or less). My own doctor shook his head and said that is "non-functional"; his doctor told him he’d never seen anyone with an EF that low who is actually ambulatory. He can walk, but only just. Life is a struggle for him, but he goes on.
I never thought I’d lose my dad before him. You just never know. As other posters have said, life is precious. Carpe diem and savor every moment.
Just Some Fuckhead @6: Worry about two things: that you leave the world a better place than you found it and that you don’t accidentally leave any embarassing porn on your computer.
Excellent advice IMHO.
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
Btw, sort of OT, but I think this is as good of a place as any. Tell your parents to not eat any eggs for a while, John.
Melamine reported in eggs
LiberalTarian
On the subject of death …
My friend who died in the accident had the best memorial service ever. It was Quaker style, where there were no sermons, no sad eulogies. We all sat in pews facing each other, and as we felt moved to share our memories–sweet, sad, funny, odd, inspiring–we told each other how we remembered her, and we laughed and cried together. Christine would have loved it. She always said that we mirror each other, and that day we reflected her.
We are never ready to lose someone. It happens all the time; and there isn’t any getting ready for it. The really hard part about losing Christine was that her family had not "approved" of her educational choices (crazy, she wanted to be an engineer and they wanted her to be an artist … juxtaposition of normal, huh?). So, we all were closer to her than they were.
So, I never read Dean Barnett, didn’t know who he was. But, like people who lost him, it is good to remember who your friends are. I haven’t thought of her recently, but tonight I’ll lift a glass of wine to her in her honor (and his).
Salud!
MediaGlutton
Dean: Rest in peace. We all some day will. And we all don’t deserve it.
Studly Pantload
While I’m certainly aware we are all but transients on this mortal coil, I don’t really focus on my mortality — unless, that is, I smoke the funny stuff sober, in which case it can be a whole ‘nother, dread-soaked deal (that’s why I pretty much only smoke when I can drown any angst with booze before it can rise to the fore).
I also never, ever save the stuff with the goats to my hard drive; if Mrs. Pantload found such things after my death, I can be assured my headstone would read, simply, "Goatfucker, 1964-20XX." (Beware ye whose spouses are in touch with their inner Scorpio.)
Comrade Desert Hussein Rat
I doubt I ever agreed with a thing Dean Barnett had to say. It doesn’t matter a lick.
41 is way too young, and cystic fibrosis a terrible way to go.
My sincere condolences (for what little they’re worth) to his family and friends.
Ed Marshall
My cousin was 29 when he died in Haswa. Left a nice little group of daughters that I try my ass off to keep in clothes. RIP Dean Barnett. Whatever.
Mike P
Ditto, John. Ditto.
Phoenix Woman
Wow. To make it past one’s teens with CF is achievement enough. To make it to forty-one is proof that he was doing something right.
r€nato
what Sifu said. 41 is way too young. I just turned 43… the thought of having been in the ground two years already is sobering.
Studly Pantload
@Mike P:
I can’t die before my mother (dunno where my father is, or if he’s still with us). She’s in a nursing home due to traumatic injuries, and as I’m her only child, and our family is insanely small, I’m pretty much her only advocate to the staff. I suspect that when she goes, it will be quite hard; I lost my grandpa in ’82 and grandma in ’91, and I’ll be damned if I don’t dream that either or both of them are alive, frail, and needing my help at least a couple of times a month, including up to this week.
p.a.
Let me second these comments; no parent wants to outlive a child.
Go out and raise some hell. Remember Paul Tsongas’ comment, "On their deathbed, no one thinks ‘Gee, I wish I had spent more time at the office.’"
Phoenix Woman
One of the first things I thought of when I heard that JFK Jr. had died in a plane crash was "thank goodness Jackie’s already dead, because seeing this would kill her". She’d lost her husband and two infant children already during her lifetime; seeing her John-John die would have been the crowning heartbreak.
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
My father died before my grandmother. He was her only child. She tried to throw herself into the grave with him at his funeral.
Not a good thing for a parent to survive the death of a child, even an adult child. She was never the same after that.
MarkusB
I should have added: My condolences to Dean Barnett’s family.
Studly Pantload
@CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII: Not a good thing for a parent to survive the death of a child, even an adult child. She was never the same after that.
I can vouch for that, seeing what my maternal grandparents went through for the rest of their lives after my mom’s only sibling was taken from them as a young adult. I can scarcely imagine how as a parent you survive something like that. If you do, you’re haunted for the rest of your life.
Crusty Dem
My sympathies to his family and all who knew him (virtually or IRL). CF sucks. My mother has an adult-onset form, much milder than the full-strength, but still terrible; the intravenous antibiotics, the constant coughing, 24/7 O2 for the last 5 years, etc. It was one of the first diseases for which the gene was identified and tested, but the mechanisms are still a little fuzzy.
Amusing related story (to bring up the mood) – one of the devices used to help CF patients, back in the day, was a percussor. It a device you apply to the back of the patient that pounds (percusses) to knock loose phlegm, sputum, the green yuck, whatever, from the patient’s lungs. Anyway, in an attempt to let me feel like I was helping, I used to put this hand-held machine against my mother’s back for 10-30 minutes every night. Afterwards, she’d cough up a bunch of stuff, which was good. Anyway, I was young and didn’t know much about the machine, and instead of calling it a "percussor", I would sometimes call it a "vibrator". This, of course, led to the day I told everyone at school that I used a vibrator on my mother… It all turned out ok, though, since everyone forgot about it, well, never.
Mike
Let me second these comments; no parent wants to outlive a child.
I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Francis
Dear John Cole:
Although I’ve been reading this blog since you were still a conservative, this is my first post.
Please go find a human snuggles, male or female as you prefer. Cats are fine, but there’s nothing like a human to help dispel the blues caused by considering one’s own mortality.
Best regards,
Francis
ps: sex is good too.
AnneLaurie
And always replace your underwear early & often, because if your corpse is wearing raggedy boxers or safety-pinned brassieres, your mother will die from the shame!
filkertom
Too young, too soon. Condolences to his family and friends. And thanks, John, for recognizing in your soapbox that we’re all in the same tribe. Too many people forget.
Tom Ames
I’ll echo the sentiments of the other parents: hell would be seeing my children go before me.
I’m generally a selfish bastard, but once I became a father I knew, without a doubt, that I would in an instant throw myself in front of a bus if I could marginally improve the chances of my kids’ survival.
I don’t feel that way about anyone else, not even–don’t tell her–my wife.
I also think about death (and earthquakes) every day. Not in a morose way, but in recognition that "damn! I’m could be gone, but I’m still here!"
(In the case of earthquakes, the thinking is more along the lines of: "have I refilled the water barrels recently?" and "I wonder if the neighbors ever got around to getting CPR certified?" Also: "how can I get our CERT team better prepared?")
Mona
I buried (or rather, cremated a 19-year-old son) after he died on impact as a passenger in a car accident with one of of his idiot friends driving. Shortly thereafter, my youngest sibling, a brother, burned to death at age 41 and it had to be a closed casket.
Those of you who lack such experiences may think it odd that John ponders his mortality every day. Myself, I get it, and experience it.
My thoughts are with the Barnett family.
Michael D.
@CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII:
At least there’s a good reason they won’t take yours.
RIP Dean. CF is no fun. No fun at all. I remember being in the hospital at age 14. I was getting a tumor removed from my spine. When I was waiting for the operation, I met a kid named Paul who had it. We became good friends until I left the hospital a month later. That was 24 years ago. I don’t know much about CF treatments, but I sure hope Dean had a more comfortable life with CF than Paul did.
Not to get into politics on this thread, but there’s a lot of genetics research going on into CF, which Sarah Palin is agains, also.
HeartlandLiberal
There is a motif or meme in literature and art coming out of the Middle Ages known as the ‘Momento Mori’ theme.
You see it in art as pictures of monks contemplating skulls, of portraits of beautiful upper class women, with one side of their face lovely, young, painted, in the flower of health, while the other side of the face is wasting away to death and disease.
The motif comes from the call to the reader or viewer to ‘remember death’ or ‘think on death’. It is intended as a lesson to the living to always keep in mind that the beauty and power of the moment are fragile and will ultimately be extinguished.
Some people respond to consciousness of their death with morbid preoccupation. That is not what is being suggested in this context. Nor is it an argument for or an excuse to abandon all restraint and live a hedonistic, heedless life absent any moral framework.
Instead, one should live one’s life with a consciousness that it is in fact a temporary state. For the religious context out of which the Memento Mori theme grew, that meant living your life with consciousness of what came after, and whether the life was lived in such a way as to be rewarded or punished.
For those of us who do not believe in an afterlife, who are areligious or agnostic, it is nevertheless a powerful motivator to evaluate how one is living one’s life on a daily basis, always asking oneself, have I truly lived today, or have I wasted any of the precious moments I and those I love and those who love me have?
My wife and I are 62. We become more acutely aware with each passing day that every moment we have is precious, and not to be wasted or squandered on petty emotions or foolish deeds.
At this point I have lived longer than my father, who died at 62 of cancer. Such an anniversary is definitely a ‘Memento Mori’ reminder.
And one’s life should be lived in such a way that NONE of those precious moments are wasted. For when they are gone, there is no refund or exchange. They are gone. And what you were lingers on only in the memories of others and what you were to them.
Michael D.
You know, I did have one thought about Barnett. I bet the sucker made sure he voted early! :-) If so, good for him, even though I’d disagree with how he voted.
DrDave
I say leave the world a better place and don’t worry about the embarrassing porn on your computer. It will leave your friends and loved ones an opportunity to say, "He looked at that???" and have a needed laugh in your memory. And if you lived your life well, no one will think worse of you for it.
DBrown
For many of you out there (35+) who are getting up in age beware of the classic danger. I’m only 51 and just had a five-way bypass surgery.
Essentially no obvious warnings but on the other hand, thank God, no heart attack or any damage but one artery was 100% closed and the remaining two were 95% closed (a secondary feed system grew in place). I eat well (low fat), ran every day (since forty), am not over weight, stayed in shape with weight lifting (started in thirties), and had regular stress tests (starting at forty then every two to three years!) but that test tells very little about blockage.
I have high cholesterol (now under control with medicine) but discovered far too late – it is critical that everyone knows this number both the bad LDL, and good HDL. Look on line to check about details. Do not wait until your forties to be tested for LDL like I did because it may be too late to prevent dangerous build up! But in any case, get it checked, please! If not for yourself, or family, at least for the rest of us. We need your votes!
Luckily, I realized that waking up two in the morning with shortness of breath for no reason meant that I needed to go to the hospital. Do NOT ignore any classic symptom but get checked at the local emergency room asap! This not only saved my life but saved me from having a deadly heart attack.
Some common systems (but not all or 100% accurate; if you think you are having a heart attack, trust your own good sense and get tested)
1)Tightness of chest
2)Pain radiating down an arm (either)
3)Shortness of breath (not due to exercise)
4)Pain in the jaw
5)Burning of the esophagus like you just ran a long way (not due to acid reflux)
6) Severe chest pains or major indigestion not due to eating (but beware that heart attacks often do occur after heavy meals)
7) Nausea may accompany some of these symptoms, especially after a heavy meal
If unsure but concerned, error on the safe side and let an MD check. Use the Internet to find sites on/about warning signs/symptoms.
Vote Obama – medical coverage needs to be a provided for all and should not have to be a choice between eating, or any other life’s need. No one should be financially ruined due to medical needs either.
Seanly
Ahh, I wouldn’t worry so much about the pr0n, but you might not want to be found in your fetish gear. One wetsuit is strange, two is eccentric, but the dildo is a bit much.
On a serious note, good advice on what DBrown sez RE: the heart.
RE: parents outliving children. My aunt lost her beautiful daughter 2 weeks before her sweet 16. Three years later, they can just now get out of bed each morning. It still haunts the entire family. My 85-year old grandmother has been depressed since her youngest son died a few years ago ~ so age may dimish the severity, but the hurt still exists.
Let those you love know of your love. Even the pets.
Charity
@gbear: They won’t take my blood either because I lived in England during the 90’s.
Yes, they fear the MAD COW! MOOOO!
And the FDA hasn’t gotten around to creating a blood test to see if you are incubating it.
They do let me be a bone marrow donor however. The thought is that if I get so far in the match process that I may actually donate to someone, the person needing the transplant will need it so much that potential mad cow will be the least of their problems.
And I am an organ donor too. Give up the organs, folks. This isn’t Egypt. You won’t need ’em in the afterlife!
Charity
@Mona: Jesus, that’s terrible. I send you positive energy.
Xenos
@DBrown: Thanks for the warning, DBrown.
I just went to a routine physical at age 43, and found out that in the last 12 months my bad cholesterol went up 40% in spite of no changes to diet, lifestyle, anything – just getting older in a hurry. Massive changes needed, probably medication from now on, too.
If I had missed this due to not having easy access to insurance, God knows what damage would have taken effect in a decade’s time. So if I had lost my lob and my insurance a year ago, it could have been deadly.
As for Dean Barnett, he was an engaging writer and personality, in spite of politics I fail to comprehend. How he could spend his life in the embrace of a medical system that was so severely hampered by a screwed up insurance racket, and not support massive reform, is beyond me. Still, he had his principles and tried hard to live by them, which is exemplary.
vh
The posters here are being very generous and kind in their comments regarding Dean Barnett, which is a credit to them. What I have to ask though, is that if a liberal or even moderate blogger had died of CF, would Hugh Hewitt and the wingnut brigade—of which Mr. Barnett was a full member—have been so generous? After a few Googles turning up phrases like "Muslim terrorist baby-killer," I rather think not.
Comrade grumpy realist
When I ponder my mortality and look back on a life at the mid-way point, it really does seem that what we really regret is living too safe. Damn, I should have taken up that offer from the crazy artist to run off to Paris and live in a garret with him, rather than going for the safe route and marrying the local banker….at least if it doesn’t work out, you’ll never be obsessed with the thought "what would have happened if…."
Dean Barrett pushed his life to the extent he could do with it, saddled with a genetic inheritance he did not chose. And did a damn good job of it, no matter what one’s politics. RIP.
Grumpy Code Monkey
My father died at age 43 during his second bypass surgery. He’d had several heart attacks, two of them major. I was 11 at the time.
I’m now 43, and if I make it past the first of December, I will have officially lived longer than he did, which is a little freaky when I think about it (I try not to think about it).
My condolences to Barnett’s family. They will cope, eventually.
dlw32
from Comrade grumpy realist:
Somewhere is a person who did run off with the artist and is wondering what if she had married the banker instead.
You can’t "what if" life. You just have to live it.
Betsy
@ Just Some Fuckhead:
I would suggest that there is a difference between obsessing over death and contemplating it. (Although I’m someone who generally avoids doing either.) The former can be debilitating; the latter can help you live a better, fuller, and more compassionate life.
Jess
Death can be so unfair!
Punchy
I have no idea who this Dean guy is, but CF is a really tough disease. 41 aint bad for a CFer….
John Cole
@Just Some Fuckhead: I don’t think about death all the time. I do, however, often think about my own mortality and all too frequently worry about my parents, who, while both healthy, are closing in on their 70’s. I want them to live forever, and hate the fact that they will not.
Genine
My thoughts are with the Barnett family. Its amazing that Dean lived so long with CF. People usually die young and its a hard road. I hope that, as short as Dean’s life was, it was fulfilling.
Such events serve to remind me to be grateful for life and the wonderful things and people I have in it. It’s a sad time, but it also reminds me to be happy.
Positive energy to you, John, and to everyone.
nitpicker
"Death plucks my ear and says, ‘Live–I’m coming.’"
liberal
@Xenos:
Huh. I’m a 43 yo male, and mine jumped about a year ago.
Internist said "we’ll give you a chance to make lifestyle changes."
A few months later, not much improvement, though I didn’t make a full effort on the lifestyle changes.
(Bad cholestoral was fairly high, though not shockingly so.)
He put me on a statin, which I didn’t really like—don’t like doing drugs if not necessary. Also, calculations are that if we followed "best practices" as put out by the highest authorities, 36 million Americans would be on statins, which somehow seems ridiculous.
So…started exercising a bit more, and tried to eat fewer carbs. And stopped taking the drug after a few days.
Next time, bad cholesterol was down quite a bit—surprised him! ("What did you do?")
(One thing I don’t understand at all is that I assume the test-retest reliability of serum cholesterol measurement isn’t 100%, but they act like it is.)
liberal
@vh:
Well, Glen Greenwald said something about having civil exchanges with the guy.
John PM
@vh: # 52
This is an understandable thought, but frankly compassion and understanding are what separate us from those like Hewitt. They cannot say anything nice for the same reason they cannot ever admit their mistakes: it would undermine their entire belief system and raise uncomfortable questions that they do not want to answer.
Krista
Exactly. I was having this conversation with a friend from university the other day. As you make choices in your life, you select a certain road. And the more choices you make, the more your road narrows, and fewer choices are available to you. You can sometimes see glimpses of other paths from the road you’re on, and it’s hard not to wonder "what if", or to be paralyzed with fear at the thought of your choices being narrowed down. But if you know in your heart that you are on the right road, then you just have to let go of the "what if", and keep going down the path you’re on.
My sympathies to Barnett’s friends and family. 41 is just way too young.
And I agree with the others about how parents should never have to bury their children. My stepbrother drowned when he was just 18 years old, and I thought it was going to kill my stepdad.
I agree with you John, that you do think about mortality a lot more as you get older. When I was younger, I knew that someday I would die, but I always thought I’d only die at a very ripe old age. But now I realize that I very well COULD wind up not seeing 40. I don’t dwell on it or obsess about it, but I’m also not in denial about the fact that it very well could happen.
So yes, hug your loved ones. Travel. Eat good food and drink good wine. See works of great art. Go kayaking at sunrise. Try to improve the lives of other people.
joeyess
A wise man, my father, once told me: Tomorrow is never promised.
I didn’t know Dean Barnett. Didn’t read his work. Probably wouldn’t agree with a thing he wrote.
With that said, life is too short and I hope in this time of sorrow his friends and family are holding up and have friends and family to help them to do just that.
R.I.P. Dean.
Sleep. Sleep for billions of years. You deserve it. As we all do.
Liz
Dealing with death was a lot easier before I realized I was an atheist. Knowing that this is my one shot, my chance to exist and be remembered, is intimidating, and knowing that there will come a day when I just don’t exist anymore is terrifying. I ponder my mortality a lot more now than I used to. It also makes dealing with the mortality of those I love harder.
My dad died 5 days before his 45th birthday. AIDS. His partner didn’t know he was infected, and they weren’t careful. (Homophobic assholes can direct their responses to [email protected]) My grandmother never recovered… the combination of losing her oldest son and how he died left her pretty devastated, and I’m pretty sure it played a role in her subsequent strokes. I only recently got back in touch with his side of the family, 13 years later. He was a fantastic person, warm and funny and full of bad jokes and puns, always there for his friends, so I know he will live on through more than just me and my family. There were several memorial services in at least two different states for him, and two squares on the AIDS Quilt.
Someone else I love is in the hospital right now. It’s been a long week of worrying and of comforting other people I love, and it’s far from over. (With luck, VERY far.)
Cris v.3.1
Providing no hope for the comfort of an afterlife, atheism requires us to invest all our hope, all our energy, and all our love into this life, on this earth. It makes those opportunities we too often miss ("if only I had told him how much I loved him") all the more poignant and all the more necessary to avoid.
DougJ
Very sad.
liberal
@Liz:
Yes, but…there’s one advantage of being a nonbeliever that I’ve seen in my own personal life:
When bad sh*t happens, I instinctively recoil, rage at the injustice, but then I finally realize that this stuff basically happens randomly.
Whereas believers might think that God is punishing them for their sins, which can be pretty mentally debilitating.
b. hussein canuckistani (comrade)
I don’t know.. I find it easier not to have to worry about which commandments I’ve violated, whether recommending an abortion to a friend is enough to condemn me, whether my prayers were sincere enough or if God knew I was just going through the motions – and I find it kind of comforting that when I’m gone, I’m truly gone and don’t have to be responsible for anything anymore.
On the down side, it would have been nice to see my mom again, but I got to say everything that mattered before she went.
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
Ahhh! We have another Betsy on this thread.
Just letting everyone who knows my name know it’s not me.
Comrade grumpy realist
I still feel it’s the overly-prudent ones who are afflicted with "what if.." more than those who did "dree tha’ own weird." Witness all those 20-year-olds who go on to law school or MBA programs because they don’t know what else to do, get on the safe track, make partner or manager, and are supremely miserable at 45 with the "is that all there is?" Whereas a lot of those who don’t play it "safe" are much more sanguine about where they’ve landed up. Hey, you win some, you lose some, some things don’t pan out, but at least you’ve explored the possibilities.
After a life of going for my career, I did the supremely romantic act of moving to the US to follow my boyfriend. The relationship didn’t work out, (don’t trust Aphrodite, she’s a 14-carat bitch of a goddess worse than Lady Luck) and derailed me career-wise for two years, but at least I’ll never wonder if I had turned down the Only Love of My Life.
The Moar You Know
I understand the sentiment and would have agreed with you up until this last year, when I saw what happened to my friend/neighbor. We’ll call him Clarence. He’s now 80. Clarence was a sprightly widower, totally on top of his game. He had an active social life, was in great shape, and was a smart old coot. We knew each other quite well. He would always kid me about not being married.
Clarence’s kid, his pride and joy, went to the doctor for a "routine procedure" last year – something did not go quite according to "routine" and Clarence’s kid ended up dead.
Clarence died that day as well, although his body and brain still live on, unfortunately. You can talk to him. Sometimes the answers make sense. He can walk, but doesn’t know where he is going. He can feed himself, sort of. I can only pray he cannot feel any more grief, and hopefully he has no idea of how far he has slipped.
Let me just say that with what I know now that this is a fate that I wouldn’t wish on my most hated enemy. Really. No parent should outlive a child.
Comrade Tax Analyst
Seconding what gbear said, you don’t want that to happen. I watched how my father suffered when my older brother died back in 2000 at age 55. Dad never expected to bury any of his sons. As a second point, because he was 7 years older, he never expected to bury his 2nd wife, either (2001). But he did, and he didn’t do too well with that, either.
It seems to me that burying your child – no matter hold old they are – is something no parent ever wants to experience. They know they themselves will grow old and eventually pass…it is pretty much the way things are meant to be, and yes, you hurt and you miss them. Certainly, it’s worse if they really aren’t all that old, but my Dad lived to 90 and he really had no desire to go on the last two years (after a broken hip and the ensuing helplessness and pain that followed and continued till his death).
I still miss him…the "him" before his injury. I still loved the "him" that existed after his injury, but it was a shell of the man that I really knew, and I’m glad that he suffers no more.
ronathan richardson
It is quite sad, CF is a hell of a painful and discouraging disease, and nobody should have to go through that pain. But we’re quite close to coming up with some real drugs for it–go donate.
Gemina13
I’m sorry for Barnett’s family, particularly his parents. My parents lost four kids–one to violence, two that died at birth, and one in infancy–and lived with that pain every day. I agree; no parent should have to bury a child.
Then again, I’m dreading the day when I have to bury my mother. We already buried Dad. That was enough hell for all of us.
I read Dean Barnett a few times, and came away ranting, "WTF is this moron thinking?!" But I am sorry he’s dead. These days, turning 41 is to barely enter your prime.
I think Mom sobbed all that day, just over that thought. I felt the same way. With all Jackie suffered in her life, losing her son would have killed her or driven her to suicide.
Liz
@Cris v.3.1:
Exactly.
Paleo Pat
Oh man, that is pee in the pants funny! :lol:
Paleo Pat
Them skid marks ain’t nothing to brag about either.
(did I just write that?!?!)
postmodernprimate
Bill Hicks had a great bit on this…
"That is one of my big fears in life, that I’m gonna die, you know, and my parents are gonna come to clean out my apartment, find that porno wing I’ve been adding onto for years. There’ll be two funerals that day. I can see my mom going through my stuff. Look, honey, here’s Bill when he was a Cub scout. Look at how cute my baby is. His little short pants, his little hat. Look how cute my baby was. I wonder what’s in this box over here. ‘Rear Entry’, Volumes One through Forty?! Eeeeerrrr, CRASH! The only guy going through the gates of Heaven with his mom spanking him. Spank! Mom, they were on sale! Spank! Spank!"