Not The Onion

This is pretty awesome:

Palin pre-empts state report, clears self in probe

On the eve of a report on a legislative panel’s abuse-of-power investigation into Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, campaign officials released their own report clearing her of any wrongdoing.

Palin, running mate to Republican presidential nominee John McCain, is the subject of two inquiries into whether she abused her power by firing her public safety commissioner. The commissioner says he was dismissed for resisting pressure to fire Palin’s former brother-in-law, a state trooper.

Lawmakers are expected to release their findings Friday.

And all this time, I thought Obama was the one pushing audacity. NY Times story here on the background.

Meanwhile, the markets are tanking in Asia.






154 replies
  1. 1
    Jeffrey says:

    …you’ve got to be kidding me.

  2. 2
    Octavian says:

    Glad that’s been cleared up.

  3. 3
    Cap'n Phealy says:

    In related news, I have cured myself of diabetes, obesity, baldness, and middle age.

  4. 4
    HumboldtBlue says:

    Wow, who knew Palin was tight with Vatican lawyers? Does this mean she now moves to Rome and shares an apartment with bernard Law?

  5. 5
    Crusty Dem says:

    Awesome.

    I’m completely speechless. That’s just the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. There are so many different places this could be useful. So much for irony, she had a good run, though…

  6. 6
    dmsilev says:

    I guess she *is* qualified to be VP after all; she clearly has learned how to imitate Cheney.

    -dms

  7. 7
    Lesley says:

    Oh my God. This woman is running the Gall campaign of all time.

    I can only conclude that she’s sociopathic. One of the stupid ones.

  8. 8
    Comrade Nixon Hailfire Palin says:

    The McCain campaign has released a report confirming that he is indeed mavericky.

  9. 9
    Martin says:

    My daughter just released a report from her investigation: She is cleared of all wrongdoing in the matter of who ate all the ice cream. Investigators are currently looking to the dog as top suspect.

  10. 10
    JL says:

    @Lesley: It’s not Palin that is releasing the info, it’s the McCain campaign. She is totally along for the ride, in hopes that he’ll go on to greener pasteurs.

  11. 11

    It’s not Palin that is releasing the info, it’s the McCain campaign.

    They’ve taken that whole "make our own reality" thing to heart.

  12. 12
    Comrade Jake says:

    Recall that the Bush admin once hired actors to pose as journalists and report all sorts of good news from Iraq.

    It’s all fun and games until Palin invades a sovereign nation.

  13. 13
    Stuck in the Funhouse says:

    In the little wingnut bubble she is living in, the resident un-dead will delight and sing songs and poke their little Obama dolls with a stick. I’m thinking about when this is over it might be prudent to build a Sarah Palin wing to the Funhouse. Fully enclosed with chain link and concertina wire of course.

  14. 14
    amorphous says:

    Now that Gov Palin has been cleared, that means there is only one person who could possibly be guilty of this abuse of power. You guessed it: Bill Ayers.

  15. 15
    donovong says:

    In other news, the McCain campaign today announced that the Dow Jones Industrial Average went up over 1000 points today, a complete state of zen has been imposed on Iraq, Afghanistan and South Philly, and the Cubs have won the World Series. Also.

    yup yup.

  16. 16
  17. 17
    caryl says:

    McCain wins!

    "Palin killed it." — famous person.

    We’ve been here before. — Frodo

  18. 18
    r€nato says:

    In other news, Larry Craig has cleared himself of charges he enjoys sucking cock in airport restrooms; Jack Abramoff has cleared himself of charges of bribery and influence-peddling; and George W. Bush has cleared himself of high crimes and misdemeanors.

    And finally, I have cleared myself of charges of having an overly-large penis.

  19. 19
    YellowJournalism says:

    It’s all fun and games until Palin invades a sovereign nation.

    I want to see that on a bumper sticker by the end of the week.

  20. 20
    tripletee (formerly tBone) says:

    No joke: I was scrolling up the page, saw the mention of SNL on Thursday, and figured this post must be referring to a new Tina Fey sketch when I read the first couple of lines. Sounded pretty funny, I thought.

    The Right: once again escalating the War on Parody.

  21. 21
    Rick Taylor says:

    On the eve of a report on a legislative panel’s abuse-of-power investigation into Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, campaign officials released their own report clearing her of any wrongdoing.

    Well that settles that then.

  22. 22
    TheFountainHead says:

    "Today the TFHs for DFHs Campaign released a report that would seem to clear TFH of any wrongdoing in what has now come to be known as Doubledate-Gate. The report indicates that while TFH was seen with two women on the same evening, he did not have sexual relations with either of them. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it."

  23. 23
    Comrade Nixon Hailfire Palin says:

    I eagerly await Peak Stupid.

  24. 24
    uila says:

    She probed herself? I guess this puts Joycelyn Elders back on her list of potential Surgeons General.

  25. 25
    ThymeZone says:

    I am releasing my own report in which I find myself the World’s Greatest Person.

    Finally, that question is settled.

  26. 26

    Not a bad power if you can get it.

  27. 27
    handy says:

    In other news, Larry Craig has cleared himself of charges he enjoys sucking cock in airport restrooms

    r€nato, that is so unfair, your little snark implying that the Right Honorable Senator Craig solicited oral sex. Do you know what it’s like to have a wide stance? Do you?!

  28. 28
    Josh Huaco says:

    After thorough investigation, I am happy to release a report announcing that I am one BadAss Motherfucker who is hung like a Duraflame log.

  29. 29
    Chris says:

    No, it’s not surprising, shocking, or galling. It is simply propaganda.

  30. 30
    Mark S. says:

    This is officially the most ridiculous campaign ever!

  31. 31
    The Moar You Know says:

    Meanwhile, the markets are tanking in Asia.

    And Britain and Iceland go toe-to-toe over Iceland’s bank closures. It’s getting serious, folks.

  32. 32
    TheFountainHead says:

    This is officially the most ridiculous campaign ever!

    It took this to make it official??

  33. 33
    SamFromUtah says:

    Hey, it worked for Bush with his insider trading stuff.

  34. 34
  35. 35
    jenniebee says:

    In related news:

    Sarah Palin Announces Forthcoming Book

    Sarah Palin will tell FOX "how she would have committed" the abuse of power and political cronyism of which she has lately been accused in an interview to air later this month.

    Palin, who was cleared of the allegations in a report authored by her vice-presidential campaign, agreed to an "unrestricted" interview with book publisher Judith Regan. The two-part interview, titled "Sarah Palin: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29.

  36. 36
    The Moar You Know says:

    Meanwhile, the markets are tanking in Asia.

    Next move – the Britain/Iceland war of 2008?

  37. 37
    pattonbt says:

    I never post here, but lurk like crazy. Love this place, and this post is awesome. Sorry to be just fanboy-ish, but I does not possess teh gift of written snark.

  38. 38
    Perry Como says:

    You know what I love? We are on the brink of a global financial meltdown and the fucking wingnut chuckleheads are furiously masturbating about William Ayers.

  39. 39
    Josh Huaco says:

    Meanwhile, Republican peg boy Matt Drudge has headlined tomorrow’s Washington Times article claiming that "Obama secretly tried to sway Iraqi government to ignore Bush deal on keeping troops in Iraq…"

  40. 40
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    In the little noxious wingnut gas bubble she is living in, the resident un-dead will delight and sing songs make croaking noises and poke their little Obama voodoo dolls with a stickpin. I’m thinking about when this is over it might be prudent to build a Sarah Palin wing to the Funhouse. Fully enclosed with chain link and concertina wire, electrified of course.

    Improved. ;)

    I have just released the findings of an investigation into whether or not McCain has his head up his ass.

    Yes, John McCain does have his head firmly inserted into his ass. One interesting finding is that McCain says that was where he found the idea to select Palin as his VP. The investigator says that he does not dispute this finding.

    On another note, Cindy McCain says that John has not suffered from PTSD because of his excellent military training.

  41. 41

    In other news, I’ve cleared myself of being an obnoxious dick and preemptively declared anyone who says otherwise a dumb ass. When reporters asked if my actions might be a bit hasty, I responded with a string of quips that were erroneously regarded as not that funny.

    I soon corrected the record, youbetcha.

    Recall that the Bush admin once hired actors to pose as journalists and report all sorts of good news from Iraq.


    Don’t forget the FEMA forest fire fake-fest
    .

    I’m glad I don’t have kids. If I tried to tell them about this crazy shit they’d have me put away.

  42. 42
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Damn. Why didn’t O.J. Simpson think of this?

  43. 43
    John Cole says:

    @Perry Como: Roubini scares the hell out of me because he is apocalyptic and has been right about everything.

  44. 44

    This just in: Another investigation has found that jenniebee is the winner of the internons.

  45. 45
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    If McCain had any sense, he’d just suspend his campaign and declare Obama the winner. The next President is gonna be well and truly fucked by the economic collapse and its fallout.

  46. 46
    Brian J says:

    The next President is gonna be well and truly fucked by the economic collapse and its fallout.

    I wouldn’t lament a loss four years down the road when the first victory hasn’t occurred yet.

  47. 47
    TheFountainHead says:

    If McCain had any sense, he’d just suspend his campaign and declare Obama the winner. The next President is gonna be well and truly fucked by the economic collapse and its fallout.

    PLZ 4 U 2 STOOP RANING ON MAIZ MAJIKAL UNIDY PONEE PARAID!!!

  48. 48

    How can there possibly be a depression?! We got all this STUFF, man.

  49. 49
    dadanarchist says:

    The best part is that the original version has Palin alleging that Andrew Halcro and Wooten cooked this story up over drinks to smear the good governor.

    Tinfoil time.

    I can’t wait to see wingnut reactions.

  50. 50
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    I wouldn’t lament a loss four years down the road when the first victory hasn’t occurred yet.

    Who’s lamenting? I’m just offering the best possible strategy for McCain. ‘Cause the next Pres is gonna be well and truly fucked by the economic collapse and its fallout. You think that’s only gonna last one term?

  51. 51
  52. 52
    Karmakin says:

    @Perry Como: While I disagree somewhat with the scope of the issues presented (I think the entire speculative investment complex is one huge bubble that’s going to pop eventually anyway), the solutions are right on.

    There’s bad times coming, and more so than in terms of economic stability, social stability needs to be maintained. So the ideas presented there in that link, quite frankly..there are a two very important things mentioned that I want to point out.

    Ending the foreclosures. Have the government step in and renegotiate the terms (I.E. dictate) that will ensure economic and social stability. The banks may take a loss, but so be it. What they’ll get is cash flow. Liquidity.

    Allow families to stay in their homes.

    Keep people working. There’s actually two points in the link that point to this.

    First, public availability for short-term capital loans for business at prevailing rates, to keep payroll coming. Second, building infrastructure to create jobs.

    Social stability in the face of economic hardship needs to be priority #1. No ifs ands and buts about it.

  53. 53
    malraux says:

    @TheFountainHead:

    It took this to make it official??

    It will be official as soon as I release my report on who can officially officiate.

  54. 54
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    @TheFountainHead:
    EYEZ SORREE. MAJIKAL UNITEE PONEE IZ ZOMG AUZOME. KAN MAKE AWL DIFIC DEFIG BAD THINGZ GO BAI.

  55. 55
    Perry Como says:

    @Karmakin: I’ll add that companies need to open up their books. They need to open EVERYTHING so confidence can be restored. That means some companies will be insolvent, but the government can help with that. As long as companies are hiding things from their balance sheets, no one is going to want to lend. It’s too risky.

  56. 56

    @JL:

    It’s not Palin that is releasing the info, it’s the McCain campaign

    Oh thank goodness. I was concerned the source of the report wasn’t objective.

  57. 57
    TheFountainHead says:

    @Comrade Scrutinizer: JOOZ PALLOGEEZ R AXSEPDED. DOO U THINKZ MIKAINS R KAN RED THEEZ WURDS?

  58. 58
    Josh Huaco says:

    I am also releasing a report of findings that Atanarjuat prefers goats because he can hold on to their horns like handle bars and not get bucked off.

    Ayers First!

  59. 59
    handy says:

    McSame resurrected the "Bridge to Nowhere" BS. Way to be the campaign of truth, Gramps.

  60. 60
    The Moar You Know says:

    I really hope the McCain campaign ignores this advice from Ross Douthat.

    I love this part of the Douthat post:

    At this point, the McCain camp seems to be taking its cues more from the liberal caricature of past conservative campaigns – that they’ve all been fundamentally unserious exercises in culture-war button-pushing

    Yeah, Ross, what conservatives have been serving up the last thirty years is a "serious excercise". Sure it is. You fuckers have been serving up a shit stew of gays, guns, and God since 1980 and the only thing we have to show for it is a busted economy and a divided electorate. Good going, team.

  61. 61
    Karmakin says:

    @John Cole: The problem I see with Douthat’s argument there is thinking that the liberal take on modern conservative politics is a caricature. While it does extend past the hot-button issues, the belief that moderate-liberals are proto-communists truly is one that’s really dominated the American conservative movement for decades now.

    All this Ayers attack is doing is replacing communists with terrorists in the above belief.

  62. 62
    Abidemi says:

    No words… to describe… should’ve sent a poet…

  63. 63
    b. hussein canuckistani (comrade) says:

    I’m glad your long national nightmare is finally over.

  64. 64

    […] too thought the story about Sarah Palin issuing a report absolving herself was an Onion headline the first time I saw it. I’m still having a hard time believing that […]

  65. 65
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    @TheFountainHead:
    MIKAINZ HAZ WURDZ RED TWO HEM. HEM KNOT GET GNU TEKNOLOLOGIE LIK PRENT. PAILEN HEARZ VOIZEZ IN HUR HAID, SHE NO HAZ TWO REED.

  66. 66
    Brian J says:

    ‘Cause the next Pres is gonna be well and truly fucked by the economic collapse and its fallout. You think that’s only gonna last one term?

    I don’t know, but neither does anyone else. I guess it depends on how unemployment and other figures, like income levels, look during 2011 leading into 2012. Four years is a long time, and while I probably wouldn’t predict wonderful economic conditions in 2012, I don’t know if it’s certain that things will be as grim as they seem now. This might not be a good comparison, but Reagan became president during a recession, but by the time the election rolled out, things were getting better. It certainly didn’t hurt him in November.

    Like I said, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just think it’s a little ridiculous to assume that the next president is going to last one term, no matter what, at this point in the game. Let’s worry about that if and when the time comes. Now, let’s focus on electing people that stand a chance of turning things around.

  67. 67
    Brian J says:

    I really hope the McCain campaign ignores this advice from Ross Douthat.

    What else can they do with the time they have left? As Lawrence O’Donnell said on Rachel Maddow’s show tonight, McCain is a very impatient politician. If he doesn’t see the strategy he’s picked working, he’ll ditch it. (This might be at the same time the most obvious and yet the most insightful piece of commentary of this election cycle.) If he decides next week that it isn’t working, he’ll have only a few weeks left in order to change his tune. Two weeks isn’t really enough time, O’Donnell indicated, to drastically shift messages, particularly if the debate doesn’t go the way McCain wants and Obama uses his reserved air time to grab the spotlight.

  68. 68
    rob! says:

    Palin pre-empts state report, clears self in probe

    I’ve been wanting to clear myself for some tax problems i had a few years ago.

    thank you, Governor Palin, for setting a legal precident that i can use when the IRS comes after me.

  69. 69
    gbear says:

    A comment from a thread over at Mudflats (an AK blog):

    Big Al of LV, NV (19:02:06) :
    Is Sarah Palin’s anti-Obama rhetoric giving new birth to the neo-racist movement in America? Would someone please remind the Alaskan Governor that she is running for Vice-President of the United States and not the local chapter of the Nazi Lowriders? Her rally supporters are shouting the “N” word at Obama labeling him a “Terrorist” and calling for his assasination and for his decapitation. Isn’t it a federal crime to threaten the life of a U.S. Senator and Presidential Candidate? And, isn’t it a moral crime if not a criminal act to incite a crowd to the point of threatening violence on your political opposition?

  70. 70
    Brian J says:

    This is officially the most ridiculous campaign ever!

    Please, please don’t say that, pretty please. Every time we set a low bar for these people, they lower it even further.

  71. 71
    gbear says:

    @r€nato:

    And finally, I have cleared myself of charges of having an overly-large penis.

    Does that mean you’ve been dis-charged?

  72. 72
    r€nato says:

    McCain is a very impatient politician. If he doesn’t see the strategy he’s picked working, he’ll ditch it.

    boy that’s a quality I want in the next president… one who lurches from one short-term gimmick to another without any sense of where he is going or where he wants to end up.

    I’m thinking Wall Street may actually approve of the election of President Obama (though they would never publically admit it). McCain is too dangerous – in several ways – to be allowed anywhere near the White House.

  73. 73
    DG says:

    "Clears self," eh? That’s about the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.

  74. 74
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    @Brian J:

    This might not be a good comparison, but Reagan became president during a recession,

    You’re right. It’s not a good comparison.

    I just think it’s a little ridiculous to assume that the next president is going to last one term

    Good, because I didn’t say that.

    Now, let’s focus on electing people that stand a chance of turning things around.

    I agree with many of Roubini’s prescriptions. Unfortunately, given our present Administration, and given the nature of our political system, I don’t think it’s likely that we’ll be adopting many of his ideas, at least not quickly enough to stop the bleeding. It’s going to be three months before Obama can take office. If the global markets continue to tank at their current rates, there won’t be much left to fix by January; it’ll be a matter of picking up the pieces.

  75. 75
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    On another note, Tweety sure laid down a good one on his show today. He was talking to Pat Robertson and a Democratic talking head (can’t remember who) and he pointed out that like past presidential contests, the Republicans are working to "de-Americanize" the Democratic candidate. The banter that followed was pretty good, and you could tell from the way Robertson kept trying to shut Matthews up that this was hitting close to home.

    It was a pretty good segment and once again the stopped clock was right.

  76. 76
    gbear says:

    Meanwhile, the markets are tanking in Asia.

    And Britain and Iceland go toe-to-toe over Iceland’s bank closures. It’s getting serious, folks.

    I’m waiting for the European NATO countries to get so pissed off that they decide the only remedy to this is to bomb Manhattan and Washington DC. And also Crawford TX for the fun of it.

  77. 77
    kidkawartha says:

    In other breaking news, Dick Cheney, reported to be frustratingly impotent since the early 1970’s, just came in his jockeys in his undisclosed location.

  78. 78
    Brian J says:

    boy that’s a quality I want in the next president… one who lurches from one short-term gimmick to another without any sense of where he is going or where he wants to end up.

    I wish I could say something in response to your comments, but taking the less is more approach, I’ll just laugh my ass off and nod in agreement.

    I’m thinking Wall Street may actually approve of the election of President Obama (though they would never publically admit it). McCain is too dangerous – in several ways – to be allowed anywhere near the White House.

    I don’t know if it’s because they realize that Republicans, in their current form, aren’t capable of competent governance, or if it’s because they saw the writing on the wall and wanted to gain influence starting several months ago, or if it’s because they don’t believe the stereotype that all Democrats are dirty Communists. Whatever the case, it seems like Wall Street is willing to give our party a shot.

  79. 79
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    The best way out of this mess is for the speculators and financial institutions to take the haircut they need to. Dumping this on the back of the taxpayer will kill the economy. Assets are inflated and air needs to be let out of the tire before it explodes.

    The financial institutions blew it and they need to man up and take the haircut that they are avoiding. The song has stopped, the musical chairs financial game is over, and a lot of people are fighting for one of the few remaining chairs.

    The jig is up and it is time to pay the piper. Money is scarce because it has been filtering upwards and now there is little left at the bottom to start a recovery. That is what happens when you distort the markets to favor the game players.

    Now the rich are looking to the poor to bail them out, and they are holding their investments hostage until they do. It’s like the standoff with the black sheriff in Blazing Saddles.

    But this time it’s not funny, it’s real.

  80. 80
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    @gbear:

    And, isn’t it a moral crime if not a criminal act to incite a crowd to the point of threatening violence on your political opposition?

    I think the rule is still IOKIYAR.

    But seriously, I think that Palin is one dangerous person, a bottom-feeding demagogue who can serve as a rallying point for all the lunatic right-wing fringe. I think she revels in it. And I don’t think McCain gives a shit, as long as it serves him as a possible road to power.

  81. 81
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    @gbear:

    And also Crawford TX for the fun of it.

    No worries for Georgie Porgie: He’ll be in Paraguay.

  82. 82
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    Now the rich are looking to the poor to bail them out, and they are holding their investments hostage until they do. It’s like the standoff with the black sheriff in Blazing Saddles.

    But this time it’s not funny, it’s real.

    Word.

  83. 83
    Starburst Pantload says:

    The next President is gonna be well and truly fucked by the economic collapse and its fallout.

    Well, lord knows taking the reigns at the dawn of the Great Depression is what doomed FDR as a one-termer. (Hey, maybe I’m being too optimistic, but I just get the feeling Obama can take a collapse like this and turn it into Mt. Rushmore type work. I’d like to guess we’ll get to see…)

    All seriousness aside, is there any way we can sneak McCranky a mickey right before one of his campaign appearances, so’s he can tip over on the stage and be rushed to the hospital (to be admitted a day later in fine shape, mind you) so that all of America can take a cold, hard look at the not-all-that-unlikely prospect of Bambi’s evil twin with glasses assuming the role of America’s Top Prom Queen President of the United Fucking States of America?

  84. 84
    Brian J says:

    You’re right. It’s not a good comparison.

    Why isn’t it a good comparison? I know the causes of the economic problems aren’t the same, but perhaps the results will be similar. Perhaps, like last time, things will get better before the next election.

    Good, because I didn’t say that.

    I thought it was implied.

    I agree with many of Roubini’s prescriptions. Unfortunately, given our present Administration, and given the nature of our political system, I don’t think it’s likely that we’ll be adopting many of his ideas, at least not quickly enough to stop the bleeding. It’s going to be three months before Obama can take office. If the global markets continue to tank at their current rates, there won’t be much left to fix by January; it’ll be a matter of picking up the pieces

    I didn’t read what Roubini said, but I will open the link once I am done typing this.

    Why is it that you think his ideas will be rejected by the political system? It’s almost certain that our party is going to gain seats in both the House and we have an outside shot at capturing 60 seats in the Senate. Plus, if things get really, really bad, there might be a greater impetus for some sort of drastic measures.

  85. 85
    gbear says:

    @Comrade Scrutinizer:

    No worries for Georgie Porgie: He’ll be in Paraguay.

    No doubt. Sigh. Well, there’s still the possibility of self-inflicted alcohol poisoning. He needs a karmic smackdown, dammit.

  86. 86
    Brian J says:

    On another note, Tweety sure laid down a good one on his show today. He was talking to Pat Robertson and a Democratic talking head (can’t remember who) and he pointed out that like past presidential contests, the Republicans are working to "de-Americanize" the Democratic candidate. The banter that followed was pretty good, and you could tell from the way Robertson kept trying to shut Matthews up that this was hitting close to home

    I’ve watched him more in the last two weeks that I probably have watched him in the last two years, so I don’t know if this is a relatively new thing, but he has really been calling Republicans on their bullshit lately.

  87. 87
    jcricket says:

    boy that’s a quality I want in the next president… one who lurches from one short-term gimmick to another without any sense of where he is going or where he wants to end up.

    Already done

    But seriously – this is absolutely hilarious. You don’t even need to read past the headline to get what a joke it is. I made this point in the "Denied" thread, but both the Palin’s have been coming up with theory after theory about why Monegan deserves to be fired, indicating they are FUCKING LIARS. The family court judge knew they were lying about Wooten, the various investigations into Wooten proved (mostly) that Palin was lying, and Monegan knew Palin was lying and attempting to abuse her power as well.

    More importantly, from what Alaska Daily News reporting I’ve read, this action fits a pattern (not just on Wooten/Monegan) of the Palins regarding anyone they think has "crossed them".

    It’s pretty simple, you don’t have three (count em) secret/private email accounts as an elected official unless you’re trying to hide questionable activities – or just want everything you do to be beyond scrutiny (just as bad).

    She’s Dick Cheney’s love child, for sure.

  88. 88
    Perry Como says:

    OMG GUISE! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS LOL!

    OBAMA & SCARY REVERSE SPEECH MESSAGES

  89. 89
    jcricket says:

    BTW – Roubini’s been right about most of this stuff, but the permabears are rarely right for long. He’ll keep predicting drop after drop after drop, and that it’ll never be a good time to buy. And he’ll eventually be spectacularly wrong.

    That’s the pattern over the last 12 recessions – people always say, "this time is different, for reasons x, y & z, the stock market’s not going back up, the economy is toast". And they’re always eventually wrong.

    That’s why Michael D had the right idea with plowing more money into the market, if you can afford it. The whole "buy low, sell high" thing? This is the "low" part.

    I’m not claiming this is a bottom, btw, just that it’s getting closer, certainly than it was a year ago. If you don’t have emergency savings, go for that first. But if you’re reasonably secure, and have good savings, now would be the time to keep investing in the market if you’ve got another 30 or so years until you retire.

  90. 90
    ronathan richardson says:

    After reading that post, I thought "Oh, there’s a funny new competitor to the Onion." And I guess I was right–it’s the real news.

  91. 91
    Brian J says:

    OBAMA & SCARY REVERSE SPEECH MESSAGES

    Words fail to describe that link.

  92. 92
    TheFountainHead says:

    OMG GUISE! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS LOL!

    Surely you jest! I believe everything that the Very Serious Persons at the Free Republic proffer!

  93. 93
    r€nato says:

    And Britain and Iceland go toe-to-toe over Iceland’s bank closures. It’s getting serious, folks.

    Yeah are you cats following this? Britain actually froze Icelandic assets in response to Iceland saying, ‘oops, we lost your citizens’ bank deposits’.

    We live in interesting times, folks.

  94. 94
    Comrade Warren Terra says:

    Y’know, they could have saved a whole bunch of people a lot of trouble by just completing their research and issuing a report clearing themselves of all suspicion sooner. But, in the true spirit of Country First, they took their time and undoubtedly left no stone unturned, making sure to do a thorough job en route to discovering that they’d done nothing wrong. Imagine their surprise, delight, and relief when they learned of their own conclusions. It’s the kind of attention to detail that let their self-investigation continue fearlessly right up to the day before the release of a report from an official bipartisan external investigation that reassures me that I can have faith in their conclusions.

  95. 95
    jcricket says:

    Yeah are you cats following this? Britain actually froze Icelandic assets in response to Iceland saying, ‘oops, we lost your citizens’ bank deposits’.

    Are we going to have a repeat of the Falkands/Britian/Argentina conflict?

    Only this time with Bjork-themed-music?

  96. 96
    r€nato says:

    from Freeper comments at the link provided by Perry:

    The more attention one gives to crap like this, the more idiotic it makes our side out to be.

    *snicker* goodness, we wouldn’t want that to happen. Because FreeRepublic.com is such a reputable joint.

    I’m leery of any such psychobabble as reverse speech interpretation, but I don’t have any trouble mentally picturing Barrak HUSSEIN Obama as a smirking demon with it’s horns closely cropped and it’s forked tail tucked up under it’s tailor made shirt. I believe the man is as evil and as dangerous as any man who ever ran for any public office anywhere anytime.

    Yes, Obama is worse than Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Milosevic and Clinton put together!

  97. 97
    r€nato says:

    speaking of clearing one’s self, is it possible for a president to pardon himself? ‘cuz I think Bush might actually try that one and issue blanket pardons for Cheney, Rummy, Condi, David Addington and anyone else he can think of who stays loyal to the end.

    I know that sounds tinfoil hattish but really, look what they have done so far. It’s not much of a stretch.

  98. 98
    gbear says:

    OBAMA & SCARY REVERSE SPEECH MESSAGES

    I b u r i e d P a u l.

  99. 99
    Comrade Kevin says:

    OBAMA & SCARY REVERSE SPEECH MESSAGES

    That’s Art Bell territory, ha!

  100. 100
    jcricket says:

    oops, we lost your citizens’ bank deposits

    Is this one of those moments where i get to say "all your deposits are belong to us"?

    Is Sigur Ros Icelandic for bank failure?

    That’s all I got.

  101. 101
    cain says:

    In other breaking news, Dick Cheney, reported to be frustratingly impotent since the early 1970’s, just came in his jockeys in his undisclosed location.

    I wish Larry Craig would assault Cheney in an undisclosed location.

    BTW can we blame Bush for causing a world wide catastrophe? Heckeva job, Bushie! He’s lost an american city, broke a country and now he’s broken the global market. Asshole.

    cain

  102. 102
    Comrade Kevin says:

    is it possible for a president to pardon himself?

    Good question. I tried googling for info about it, and the answers I found amounted to "nobody knows".

  103. 103
    gbear says:

    "all your deposits are belong to us"?

    I am familiar with all intercontinental banking traditions.

  104. 104
    jcricket says:

    speaking of clearing one’s self, is it possible for a president to pardon himself

    No.

    That’s why Ford had to pardon Nixon.

    But he can pardon everyone else you mentioned on the way out, up to and including Cheney.

    I fully expect that (except maybe the Cheney part). Blanket, pre-indictment pardons, a private plane and $1 million in unmarked bills, each.

    Oh wait, this isn’t 24? Scratch most of that except the pardon part.

  105. 105
    LiberalTarian says:

    Yeah, Ross, what conservatives have been serving up the last thirty years is a "serious excercise". Sure it is. You fuckers have been serving up a shit stew of gays, guns, and God since 1980 and the only thing we have to show for it is a busted economy and a divided electorate. Good going, team.

    Win.

  106. 106
    r€nato says:

    soooo, are Republitards still insisting that it’s a ‘mental recession’ and everything would be fine if people would just STFU and go about their business???

    I have a client who has said this repeatedly in the past. I’m too much of a whore to needle them about – even slyly – but really, I’m looking forward to the next time I see them.

  107. 107
    Ed Marshall says:

    is it possible for a president to pardon himself?

    He’ll write one anyway. Ole five-four led him into the job, I can’t see them sending him to jail. Maybe they will find some way to work the Equal Protection Clause into letting him do it, just to rub salt into the wounds.

  108. 108
    Delia says:

    Oops, boys and girls, we’ve got some new villains. In McCain’s latest rantings it appears Chris Dodd and Barney Frank are responsible for the economic meltdown. Yes, it’s all their fault, and wingers around the country are picking up the hue and cry.

    The goopers in the White House had nothing to do it. Neither did Johnny Drama.

  109. 109

    […] I would like to announce that after an exhaustive and thorough investigation conducted by myself, it turns out I am not, in fact, the Shakopee Slasher. […]

  110. 110
    jcricket says:

    I wish Larry Craig would assault Cheney in an undisclosed location.

    That’s how Sarah Palin was made!

    BTW can we blame Bush for causing a world wide catastrophe

    Yes. SASQ.

    The Dems need to do three things after winning:

    1) Fix some shit

    2) Make sure everyone knows it was Republicans who broke shit

    3) Make sure everyone knows its Democrats who fixed shit.

    What always seems to happen is Republicans break shit, Democrats get elected and clean it up, then Republicans convince everyone they could have more free shit if they just tossed aside all the pesky rules and stuff the Democrats just put in place. Americans, who like a "free lunch" say, "sign me up", and then next thing you know, the cycle repeats.

    Dems can only break the cycle with #3 above (we suck at claiming credit for anything we do).

  111. 111

    […] I would like to announce that after an exhaustive and thorough investigation conducted by myself, it turns out I am not, in fact, the Shakopee Slasher. […]

  112. 112
    r€nato says:

    Democrats make it possible for people to afford to be Republicans… just like feminism made it possible for Sarah Palin to have a political career.

  113. 113
    cain says:

    That’s how Sarah Palin was made!

    WOW! You’re ideas are intriguing. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. :-)

    cain

  114. 114
    gbear says:

    In McCain’s latest rantings it appears Chris Dodd and Barney Frank are responsible for the economic meltdown. Yes, it’s all their fault, and wingers around the country are picking up the hue and cry.

    I can barely wait to hear how Barney Frank responds to this. If McCain thinks Obama is being disrespectful, Frank is going to reduce him to a charred lump of coal. Bring is on.

  115. 115
    jcricket says:

    Democrats make it possible for people to afford to be Republicans… just like feminism made it possible for Sarah Palin to have a political career.

    There’s that long list of stuff that wussy-liberals brought Americans that people pass around… I’d like to add:

    The right for a female governor to set women back 50 years, brought to you by the people who made it possible for women to be elected in the first place.

  116. 116
    Brian J says:

    The goopers in the White House had nothing to do it. Neither did Johnny Drama.

    As if that article wasn’t filled with enough little nuggets of comical insanity, take a look at this. Apparently, some sort of unnamed "homosexual lover" of Barney Frank’s that was connected to either Fannie or Freddie played a major role in the mortgage crisis.

  117. 117
    gbear says:

    @Delia:

    I just took a little look-see at the comments for that Frank/Dodd posting at Politico. Are the commenters always so whacked out over there? They all sound like they’ve just attended a Palin rally and are now on the way to the hardware store to buy rope, pitchforks and torches. Please, FSM, keep Obama safe.

    & it’s off to bed here…

    edit: One more thing, jcricket’s three rules should be engraved in stone.

  118. 118
    Blue Raven says:

    I think that Palin is one dangerous person, a bottom-feeding demagogue who can serve as a rallying point for all the lunatic right-wing fringe. I think she revels in it.

    I remember looking at her face when she was giving her acceptance speech at the RNC. She was drinking in the applause and cheers with the wide-eyed wonder of an addict getting the best hit of her life while scheming how to get more of the same. Remember always that she was a beauty pageant contestant. I think that breed is more spotlight-hungry than actors, since the winner isn’t ever really sharing the stage with anyone. It’s selfish fame-grabbing. And that mindset’s in a VP candidate with the morals of a wharf rat.

  119. 119
    Johnny Pez says:

    @Starburst Pantload: Time to get all nitpicky. FDR was not elected at the dawn of the Great Depression. It was already 3 1/2 years old when he was inaugurated, and it was obvious to everybody that the Republicans were unable to cope with it.

    Obama, OTOH, gets to take office while the downward spiral is still in its early stages. As others have noted, he’ll likely spend his whole first term dealing with the fallout.

  120. 120
    Allan says:

    I understand the report concludes that William Ayers and Barack Obama introduced Sarah’s sister to Wooten at a tea at Ayer’s Hyde Park home in 1995 in order to ensure Palin’s defeat when Obama would face her 13 years later.

  121. 121
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    So would this surprise anybody?

    During her first months in office, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin kept a relatively light schedule on her workdays in Juneau, making ceremonial appearances at sports events and funerals, meeting with state lawmakers, and conducting interviews with Alaska magazines, radio stations and newspapers.

    But this spring, Palin’s official calendar chronicles an extraordinary rise to national prominence. A fresh face in Republican politics, she was discovered by the national news media at least in part because of a determined effort by a state agency to position her as an oil and gas expert who could tout Alaska’s determined effort to construct a natural gas pipeline.

    An outside public relations expert hired under a $31,000 contract with the state Department of Natural Resources pitched the "upstart governor" as a crusader against Big Oil, a story line that Palin has adopted in her campaign as Sen. John McCain’s running mate. The contract was the only time the Palin administration hired an outside consultant to set up media interviews, a function performed in many states by government employees.

    WaPo

  122. 122
    Brachiator says:

    @r€nato:

    soooo, are Republitards still insisting that it’s a ‘mental recession’ and everything would be fine if people would just STFU and go about their business???

    Bush is speaking to the country Friday morning. The rumors are that he will not offer any new plans, but remind everyone that if they just think happy thoughts they will keep the recession away.

  123. 123
    cain says:

    Bush is speaking to the country Friday morning. The rumors are that he will not offer any new plans, but remind everyone that if they just think happy thoughts they will keep the recession away.

    Correspondingly, Bush will drag McCain and Republican incumbents straight into the shitter.

    BTW if Bush does end up in Paraguay, we should revoke his citizenship and threaten him with shipment to the Hague if he ever sets foot back on U.S. soil. That would be way way worse than any impeachment. Republicans will be in shock for years to come after such a thing.

    cain

  124. 124
    TenguPhule says:

    Bush is speaking to the country Friday morning. The rumors are that he will not offer any new plans, but remind everyone that if they just think happy thoughts they will keep the recession away.

    That pretty much assures the markets are going to tank by high triple digits tomorrow.

  125. 125
    TenguPhule says:

    Ole five-four led him into the job, I can’t see them sending him to jail. Maybe they will find some way to work the Equal Protection Clause into letting him do it, just to rub salt into the wounds.

    CIA. Hellfire missiles.

    And Bush’s friends on the Supreme court need to be audited by the IRS, full cavity search style.

    It would not surprise to find they’ve been dirty since their appointments.

    And that wall needs a hell of a lot of examples for people to understand the rule of law.

  126. 126
    Kamishna ya Watu Xenos says:

    Speaking of Palin- any chance this is not a hoax?

    In related news, Rachel Maddow is promoting Max Blumenthal’s latest reporting on Palin’s ties to the John Birch Society. If we are all supposed to be talking about radical ties, we could be going into McCain’s palling around with G. Gordon Liddy, right?

    It is not even ratfucking… it is factual for these guys.

  127. 127
  128. 128
    Kamishna ya Watu Xenos says:

    Errrr…… nevermind.

    Kerners are go!

  129. 129
    CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII says:

    Yeah, I’m sure that announcement is just going to disappear now that the pitbull has double dog dared the Alaska legislature. RIGHT!

    I go away for a while because I just can’t wrap my head around all the shit that is going down and I come back for a quick peek to find THIS?

    That’s it, I’m going to buy a gun. These people are fucking INSANE!

  130. 130
    Kamishna ya Watu Xenos says:

    If the press does not openly ridicule Palin for this stunt, then they have no pride left at all.

  131. 131
    Marshall says:

    This just in : Sarah Palin blames Mike Wooten for world-wide financial panic, calls for him to be fired for causing the world-wide financial catastrophe.

  132. 132
    Marshall says:

    is it possible for a president to pardon himself?

    Presidents cannot pardon anyone involved in an impeachment case against them. (Read the Constitution.) As I read the Constitution, it’s not necessary to convict (the Senate’s role), just impeach. This is why I have been saying for 2 years now that the House needs to impeach W after the election, to prevent a raft of pardons.

  133. 133
    Anne Laurie says:

    And Bush’s friends on the Supreme court need to be audited by the IRS, full cavity search style.

    It would not surprise to find they’ve been dirty since their appointments.

    "Since"?!? As I recall, Scalia was pretty damned proud to announce that he’d been anointed appointed to stop the non-rich-white-heterosexual-males-are-people-too ‘rot’ at the heart of America’s judiciary. Rehnquist started his judicial career setting up "no Jews permitted" covenants to keep his bosses’ neighborhoods ‘nice’, and got a start in politics by striving to keep African-Americans from voting. Sandra Day O’Connor was Sarah Palin with a functioning forebrain. The Supreme Court has always been susceptible to meddling by the Executive Branch, but the current batch of very-far-right-wingers would embarrass Caligula’s Senate. And as our C-Plus Augustus is always ready to remind us, laws are what the powerful use to keep the rest of us in line.

  134. 134
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    The best part is that the original version has Palin alleging that Andrew Halcro and Wooten cooked this story up over drinks to smear the good governor.

    A diarist at Kos picked up on this story and links to Halcro taking ‘responsibility’ for his evil plot.

    I bet the right wingers will start repeating this story and even say that Halcro admits ‘guilt’, leaving off the important note that Halcro is snarking his ass off about it.

    Kos diary link.

  135. 135
    SGEW says:

    . . . the current batch of very-far-right-wingers would embarrass Caligula’s Senate.

    Nonsense. Antonin Scalia is a much better writer than any horse could be. Probably.

  136. 136
    Rick Taylor says:

    Everyone here probably reads Digby’s already, but I thought this point was unusually good, and one I hadn’t thought of. The right-wing attacks on Obama aren’t just about winning the election.

    I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but what we are really seeing is the beginning of a right wing story line about the next president of the United States — he is a drug user, a foreigner, a terrorist and a traitor. And the importance of that is that it gives permission to the right wing machine to do anything and everything to destroy him. He will not really be president, you see. He will be illegitimate

    I remember when some right wingers liked to say Bill Clinton wasn’t their President. I wish I could say the same thing about Bush, but as an American I can’t. And they claim to be the patriotic ones.

  137. 137
    Atanarjuat says:

    The extraordinary lengths that the Ayers-coddling left have gone to diminish the triumphs and accomplishments of Governor Sarah Palin are disgusting beyond belief.

    Boy, the Tolerance/Rainbow/Diversity crowd sure talks a good game of inclusiveness and equality, but when it comes time to walking the walk, the first instinct is to tear down the white female candidate for the U.S. Vice Presidency, all the while patting themselves on the back on how magnificently egalitarian the corrupt Democrat Party is.

    All that being said, I’m confident that most informed Americans will understand how incredibly tainted this so-called "Troopergate" report actually is, given the fact that it was engineered as part of a liberal partisan witch hunt to undermine the future Vice President of the United States, Sarah Palin.

    Country First.

  138. 138
    SGEW says:

    Interestingly, Atanarjuat somehow manages to make the "Palin is unfairly smeared by the left" screed sound almost coherent and reasoned. It’s amazing what proper grammar and a decent vocabulary can do for even the most egregious nonsense.

    I wish Balloon Juice had a tip jar, so I could help underwrite Atanarjuat’s noble, yet quixotic work of raising the standards of trolls everywhere.

    (golf claps)

  139. 139
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    Boy, the Tolerance/Rainbow/Diversity crowd sure talks a good game of inclusiveness and equality, but when it comes time to walking the walk, the first instinct is to tear down the white female candidate for the U.S. Vice Presidency, all the while patting themselves on the back on how magnificently egalitarian the corrupt Democrat Party is.

    But see, this is the beauty of the egalitarianism of the Democratic Party. We treat all corrupt right-wing demagogues the same, regardless of sex.

  140. 140
    SGEW says:

    We treat all corrupt right-wing demagogues the same, regardless of sex.

    I don’t know . . . there have been a few corrupt right-wing demagogues that I’ve personally gone easy on because of sex. After sleeping with someone, it’s polite to give them the benefit of the doubt for a while, don’t you think?

  141. 141
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    @Atanarjuat:

    Palin’s "triumphs"? Accomplishments?! Now that is hilarious! Then you toss in the line about "Tolerance/Rainbow/Diversity crowd" and "inclusiveness" and I am choking with laughter. Then you wrap up your act with the "liberal partisan witch hunt" line and now I am laughing so hard there are tears streaming down my face! Whoever said that wingnuts don’t have a sense of humor never met you!

    I think the witch hunt bit is just priceless, especially since Sarah’s preacher wove a spell over her and she is completely safe from witches. So that means that she must be a witch! Nice touch with the "partisan" bit too, especially since it was a bi-partisan group who decided that the investigation must go forward.

    Keep the jokes coming!

  142. 142
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    I don’t know . . . there have been a few corrupt right-wing demagogues that I’ve personally gone easy on because of sex. After sleeping with someone, it’s polite to give them the benefit of the doubt for a while, don’t you think?

    Rod Stewart covered that:

    Yea Ill pay your cab fare home
    You can even use my best colonge
    Just dont be here in the morning when I wake up

  143. 143
    Comrade Scrutinizer says:

    @Conservatively Liberal:

    But you gotta admit, Atanarjuat is better at trolling than myiqis1/2u or p.huk (whatever happened to him?) How does he compare to Darrell? I wasn’t here then.

  144. 144
    eglenn says:

    Presidents cannot pardon anyone involved in an impeachment case against them. (Read the Constitution.) As I read the Constitution, it’s not necessary to convict (the Senate’s role), just impeach. This is why I have been saying for 2 years now that the House needs to impeach W after the election, to prevent a raft of pardons.

    I don’t think you even have to impeach, just be *in* proceedings at the time.

    Rove or Cheney in prison orange? Mmm. I can’t decide.

  145. 145
  146. 146
    RememberNovember says:

    Kind of like OJ looking for "the Real Killer"…

  147. 147
    Ash Can says:

    "The extraordinary lengths that the Ayers-coddling left have gone to…"

    Here’s pretty much the defining voice of "the Ayres-coddling left": Take it away, William C. Ibershoff, lead federal prosecutor of the Weathermen in the 1970s.

  148. 148
    gbear says:

    I remember looking at her face when she was giving her acceptance speech at the RNC…..with the wide-eyed wonder of an addict getting the best hit of her life

    Awww, that was just the result of spending a couple days in beautiful St. Paul. We have that effect on everybody.

    Everyone, come and visit and see for yourself. The storm troopers are gone now.

  149. 149
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    @Comrade Scrutinizer:

    No comparison to Darrell. This nut just drops their missives with little or no engagement. Darrell would argue obtusely and endlessly, which is what endeared him to us. Talking to him was like being the straight guy in a two man comedy skit. Too bad he drifted away because he was a lot of fun to argue with and poke fun at.

  150. 150
    r€nato says:

    Boy, the Tolerance/Rainbow/Diversity crowd sure talks a good game of inclusiveness and equality

    yes, how dare anybody evaluate Sarah Palin by the same standards as any other politician new to the national scene should be evaluated.

    Because she is a woman, she should not be scrutinized in any way whatsoever.

    Isn’t that what feminism was all about? Treating women like delicate flowers?

  151. 151
    jcricket says:

    If the press does not openly ridicule Palin for this stunt, then they have no pride left at all.

    C’mon, the headline itself is a subtle form of ridicule.

    I know it’s false hope, but the press will perhaps learn to be a bit more skeptical of story-lines peddled by politicians after this season.

    Actually, sadly, I think that will take the death of Broder, and the rest of the current crop of "bipartisan" pundits.

  152. 152
    Comrade Tax Analyst says:

    Also, well, a Deciderator, after all, also must be Decisive.

    Sarah is the also awesome-nessed, she is so also ready for Command. But I’m also sure you already also all know that.

  153. 153

    […] And, while we’re waiting on the Alaska Senate report on Palin, it’s good to know that Palin has already cleared herself. […]

  154. 154

    […] Maybe what she could do is just release another report from the McCain campaign clearing herself right before the State Personnel Board report is […]

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] Maybe what she could do is just release another report from the McCain campaign clearing herself right before the State Personnel Board report is […]

  2. […] And, while we’re waiting on the Alaska Senate report on Palin, it’s good to know that Palin has already cleared herself. […]

  3. […] I would like to announce that after an exhaustive and thorough investigation conducted by myself, it turns out I am not, in fact, the Shakopee Slasher. […]

  4. […] I would like to announce that after an exhaustive and thorough investigation conducted by myself, it turns out I am not, in fact, the Shakopee Slasher. […]

  5. […] too thought the story about Sarah Palin issuing a report absolving herself was an Onion headline the first time I saw it. I’m still having a hard time believing that […]

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