The Voices In Jake Tapper’s Head

You heard:

“John McCain right now, he’s spending an awful lot of time talking about me,” Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., said today in Rolla, Mo. “You notice that? I haven’t seen an ad yet where he talks about what he’s gonna do. And the reason is because those folks know they don’t have any good answers, they know they’ve had their turn over the last eight years and made a mess of things. They know that you’re not real happy with them.”

Obama continued: “And so the only way they figure they’re going to win this election is if they make you scared of me. So what they’re saying is, ‘Well, we know we’re not very good but you can’t risk electing Obama. You know, he’s new, he’s… doesn’t look like the other presidents on the currency, you know, he’s got a, he’s got a funny name.’

“I mean, that’s basically the argument — he’s too risky,” Obama said, per ABC News’ Sunlen Miller. “But think about it, what’s the bigger risk? Us deciding that we’re going to come together to bring about real change in America or continuing to do same things with the same folks in the same ways that we know have not worked? I mean, are we really going to do the same stuff that we’ve been doing over the last eight years? … That’s a risk we cannot afford. The stakes are too high.”

Jake Tapper heard:

Correct me if I’m wrong, but does it not seem as if Obama just said McCain and his campaign — presumably the “they” in this construct — are saying that Obama shouldn’t be elected because he’s a risk because he’s black and has a foreign-sounding name?

The title of his post is “Did Obama Accuse McCain of Running a Racist, Xenophobic Campaign?” He then goes on at length to extol the virtues of John McCain, who does not have a racist bone in his body, we learn. The piece would have been embarrassing for the stupidity alone, but the shameless boot-licking really put it over the top.

For his excellent work, Jake Tapper is the first ever winner of the new Balloon Juice award for shameless media fluffing of John McCain, The Golden McPenis. Congratulations, Jake. The award is below the fold as it is NSFWish.


Now if someone could just do some engraving- “Golden McPenis Award For Excellence” sounds good.






74 replies
  1. 1
    Zifnab says:

    You should probably order those in bulk, John. I’m betting we’re going to see a lot more winners before November.

  2. 2
    Punchy says:

    Very ugly, disturbed voices in Jon Voight’s head

    (h/t Steve Clemons)

  3. 3
    Svensker says:

    Crikey, John. Haven’t had the coffee yet. My eyes are still yelling at me.

  4. 4
    Robert Johnston says:

    Shouldn’t the Golden McPenis trophy also have a nice red lipstick ring around it?

  5. 5
    John Cole says:

    I am really hoping someone here who has some graphic skills can turn that into a thing of beauty.

  6. 6
    Catpain Haddock says:

    Um, that’s not very work safe…

    Oh my!

  7. 7
    Dork says:

    I’m betting we’re going to see a lot more winners weiners (whiners?) before November.

    Fixed!

  8. 8
    ThymeZone says:

    Those same leaders who were in the streets in the ’60s are very powerful today in their work to bring down the Iraq war and to attack our president, and they have found their way into our schools.

    Wow, it’s 1971 again in America.

    I knew Voigt was a strange duck, but I had no idea he was that fucked up.

    Soemwhere around 2/3of Americans think Iraq was a bad idea, and now we know why: Those “leaders who were in the streets in the ’60’s are very powerful today.”

    The real crazy here is that a newspaper would print this insane shit.

  9. 9

    To: John Cole
    From: Mark Halperin
    Subject: WTF?

    You know I love Big Daddy McCain more than anyone else in the press. This is bullshit.

    MH

  10. 10
    Svensker says:

    Voigt was on Fox this morning for about a 1/2 hour, talking about how horrible Obama is.

    Wasn’t Voigt in Coming Home? When did he become a fascist?

  11. 11
    Cathy D says:

    How about Small McPrick award for those who engage in indirect McCain fluffing?

    I nominate Dana Milbank.

  12. 12
    Elroy's Lunch says:

    Gonna need some of those graphic skills otherwise my already surreptitious and addictive reading of BJ while at work is really gonna get me fired.

    On the other hand, maybe that’s one of those “subliminal messages” John Voight was talking about…

  13. 13
  14. 14
    nightjar says:

    Don’t I could do much with a simple penis, but since we’re going XXX this morning, I will offer this substitute. I hope everyone has child proof filters for this site.

    If it’s to much please delete.

  15. 15
    calipygian says:

    John McCain IS Hedley LaMarr:

    “Where de white wimmin’ at?”

    We just got off a conference call with Camp McCain, defending their new ad comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. They said they thought the ad was legitimate because Obama is a big celebrity…, and Britney and Paris were Number 2 and 3. The problem: Anyone with even a vague sense of pop culture knows that Britney and Paris are yesterday’s news. Here’s a link to Forbes’ Celebrity 100. Paris and Britney don’t even make the list any more. Instead, the top 10, in order: Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles, David Beckham, Johnny Depp, Jay-Z, The Police, JK Rowling, Brad Pitt. So, they didn’t pick other big celebrities, who were either men, or black, or married. What they picked was two sexually available white women.

  16. 16
    dan says:

    “I hated the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live.”

    John McCain, quoted in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Clearly not a racist.

  17. 17
    Neal says:

    That thing is beautiful, John. I wish I was at home with the photoshop and not at work trying to shield a giant yellow penis from view of my associates…

  18. 18
    cleek says:

    you should really put that penis below a fold – i’m going to be wary of coming here for the next day or so, until that’s off the front page.

  19. 19
    cassandra m says:

    Scott Simon on Saturday Weekend Edition did exactly the same thing some weeks back after an Obama speech to FL supporters. In that speech, Obama warned folks that the Republicans were ramping up to run a sleazy and racist campaign — not once mentioning John McCain’s name. Simon, however, delivered an entire commentary taking Obama to task for calling McCain racist and assuring his listeners that McCain is not racist. I (and I suspect many others) wrote to Simon reminding him that McCain did not figure anyplace in Obama’s speech — but via the NPR ombudsman, he responded that when he listened to the speech about Republicans, he understood Obama to be talking about McCain personally.

    I wish I knew how these people get these jobs.

  20. 20
    AkaDad says:

    I left a comment for Jake.

    Jake Tapper,

    Head on over to Balloon Juice to collect an award for this awesome piece of journalism.

  21. 21
    Nikki says:

    Ask the guys at Sadly No! to fix it up for you. And please make it a little more work safe. I would hate to lose my access to BJ for this.

  22. 22
    John Cole says:

    It is below the fold now.

  23. 23
    Crusty Dem says:

    TZ, that Voight op-ed wasn’t run in a newspaper, it was run in the Moonie Times. They think Fox News is for hippies. Of course. All I know about Jon Voight is that his daughter is with Brad Pitt and George Costanza bought his used Chrysler LeBaron convertible.

  24. 24
    4tehlulz says:

    Wouldn’t a tongue be more appropriate, considering the rimjob Tapper’s giving him?

    Maybe Chief Salad Tosser would be a more-appropriate title.

  25. 25
    Mary says:

    That’s actual size, right?

  26. 26
    Gus says:

    When did he become a fascist?

    I heard he was one of those “9/11 changed everything” nuts.

  27. 27
    nightjar says:

    Another effort this time with your image

  28. 28
    AkaDad says:

    They deleted my comment. Jake doesn’t like criticism.

  29. 29
    Heshe says:

    It needs a smile face on it before you send it to him. You could call it The Happy McDick Award.

  30. 30
    dan says:

    They deleted mine too, AkaDad. Almost identical to the one I left here.

  31. 31
    nightjar says:

    Punchy Says:

    Very ugly, disturbed voices in Jon Voight’s head

    I knew he was GOP wanker, but this article was written by one ugly motherfucker. It’s no wonder his daughter Angelina won’t have anything to do with him.

  32. 32
    Davis X. Machina says:

    Jake Tapper, whether working freelance, or for Salon, or for ABC, always covers the same beat — Jake Tapper.

  33. 33
    Tim in SF says:

    Sorry, this is pretty crappy, but the best I could do in the ten minutes before I have to go to work.

    http://hisnameistimmy.com/temp/mcPenis.jpg

    If you like it, I’ll do a better one tonight.

  34. 34
    Warren Terra says:

    RE the decision of the Washington Times to publish Voight’s bile, I am reminded of a truly beautiful insult I saw yesterday on TAPPED, that Gershom Gorenberg said he was told about the Israeli newspaper Ma’ariv, and which I’ve adapted here for the Moonie Times:

    When I don’t have a book, I read a newspaper. When I don’t have a newspaper, I read the Washington Times.

    … except that you might find the small text on discarded gum wrappers more accurate and informative …

  35. 35
    Wogget says:

    It really should come with straps.

  36. 36
    caleb says:

    Here is a first attempt at the new trophy.

    …a little shoddy but I think the idea works.

  37. 37
    Tim in SF says:

    Here’s a better one – with Tapper’s name.

    http://hisnameistimmy.com/temp/mcPenis2.jpg

  38. 38
    Alexandra says:

    I completely agree with the sentiment, but I really think the prize is childish and undermines the serious message.

  39. 39
    bend says:

    well done, caleb.

  40. 40
    Notorious P.A.T. says:

    Don’t I could do much with a simple penis, but since we’re going XXX this morning, I will offer this substitute. I hope everyone has child proof filters for this site.

    Haha. Thumbs up!

    All I know about Jon Voight is that his daughter is with Brad Pitt

    And she used to wear a vial of her husband’s blood around her neck, and she made out with her brother on the Academy Awards stage, and she is literally covered in tattooes, and she likes knives. Good parenting, there.

  41. 41
    Dreggas says:

    caleb Says:

    Here is a first attempt at the new trophy.

    …a little shoddy but I think the idea works.

    very well done, but needs bigger balls for the afternoon tea-bagging.

  42. 42
    Caladan says:

    LOL,

    The Golden McPenis

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  43. 43
  44. 44
  45. 45
    Gus says:

    David Ignatius has the next one locked up.

  46. 46
    Mary says:

    Nice one, caleb! I especially like the side effect of the ghost Prince Albert.

    Dr. Egon Spengler: There’s something very important I forgot to tell you.
    Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
    Dr. Egon Spengler: Don’t cross the streams.
    Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
    Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
    Dr. Peter Venkman: I’m a little fuzzy on the whole “good/bad” thing here. What do you mean, “bad”?
    Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
    Dr. Ray Stantz: Total protonic reversal!
    Dr. Peter Venkman: That’s bad. Okay. All right, important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.

  47. 47
    Ras says:

    How about a “Dennis Miller Dickless Wonder” award for Voight?

    We can give it to all the gutless, sell-out baby boomer fucks who see “terrists” in every shadow.

  48. 48
    Punchy says:

    That thing is beautiful, John. I wish I was at home with the photoshop and not at work trying to shield a giant yellow penis from view of my associates…

    Not to mention, Neal is also viewing a Balloon-Juice website.

  49. 49

    […] John Cole has a new award for Jake Tapper and McCain’s fluffer brigade. […]

  50. 50
    nightjar says:

    Dennis – SGMM Says:

    John, here’s the Photoshopped version.

    My vote for Dennis’s version.

  51. 51
    nightjar says:

    And after seeing Caleb’s version It’s just as good as Dennis. And I have work to do on my photoshoppping.

  52. 52
    Richardson says:

    When I first saw the article this morning I simply could not believe it’s context – I mean even for ABC News – and even for rightwing shill Jake Tapper – that was batshit crazy!

    The next time McCain says he admires strong, bold leadership I can’t wait to see the NY Times headline, “McCain admits he admires Stalin – aims to crush Kulaks”

  53. 53
    TenguPhule says:

    Congratulations, Jake. The award is below the fold as it is NSFWish.

    Where are the Official McMancrush matching balls set?

    White, small and dimpled. Just like the real thing.

  54. 54
    TenguPhule says:

    Congratulations, Jake. The award is below the fold as it is NSFWish.

    Where *is* the Official McMancrush matching balls set?

    White, small and dimpled. Just like the real thing.

  55. 55
    chrome agnomen says:

    looks like the one McThuselah has, excepting his has W’s face engraved on the head

  56. 56
    Blue Raven says:

    Where is the Official McMancrush matching balls set?

    White, small and dimpled. Just like the real thing.

    Those sell in packs of four, don’t they?

  57. 57
    cs says:

    Here’s my entry:

    http://img169.imageshack.us/my.....ardvo7.png

    Was lazy and didn’t engrave the base but that could be done. A little baroque perhaps but great accomplishments in journalism should get something that would be lovely on the mantle.

    Full transparency in the png for greatest flexibility.

  58. 58
    Jiggy says:

    I vote for the version cs made. Something people would be proud to put on their desk.

  59. 59
    Darkness says:

    he’s… doesn’t look like the other presidents on the currency

    Well, one of those currency presidents had a child that looked an awful lot like Obama. Doesn’t that count?

  60. 60
    John Cole says:

    Here’s my entry:

    http://img169.imageshack.us/my.....ardvo7.png

    Was lazy and didn’t engrave the base but that could be done. A little baroque perhaps but great accomplishments in journalism should get something that would be lovely on the mantle.

    Full transparency in the png for greatest flexibility.

    Can someone convert that to .jpg or .gif?

  61. 61
  62. 62
    mikerw says:

    Anybody have a working email address for Jakey? My comment at Political Paunch was deleted as well (text here on the remote chance anyone is interested). I wanted to email to let him know that just because he deletes comments, that doesn’t mean they go away. Like he cares, I guess.

  63. 63
    Innocent Bystander says:

    You’re on the right track here, John. I’d really like to see a blog-wide weekly contest to elevate the most egregious examples of in-the-tank reporters/commentators from the so-called liberal media. If we shame these people into a more objective framework, it would be a good thing.

  64. 64
    caleb says:

    cs’ trophy looks more like the Lorena Bobbitt Award for Excellence.

  65. 65
    Sasha says:

    Just make sure that the award leans to the right.

  66. 66
  67. 67
    cs says:

    http://img98.imageshack.us/my......ardtw8.jpg

    Engraved: “For Meritorious Service in Journalism”

    Not personalized to Tapper since you’ll have many opportunities to re-use it during this silly season.

  68. 68
    MikeF says:

    I think you guys have missed the point of the fluffer.

    The trophy should consist of some hands and an open mouth.

    Or a spread open set of cheeks for the daily teabagging.

  69. 69
    Emma Anne says:

    I’d like to try my photoshopping skills, but my teenaged daughters would never let me live it down. I think I’ll clear my history now . . .

  70. 70

    Good choice, John. Couldn’t go to a more deserving “journalist.”

    A few months ago Tapper breathlessly and scoopfully announced that he had “smelled cigarettes on Obama.” I kid you not.

    (And how creepy is that? An ABC reporter sniffing senators in the hallways? I suggest that you think of dogs greeting one another in a dog park.)

    Tapper is so deep into his unprofessional ideology that it never occurred to him that 1) Barack Obama falling off the wagon and having a few puffs is not, by ANY means a “story” in any professional journalistic sense, and if it was, WHO in their right mind would take Jake Tapper’s NOSE as an authoritative journalistic source.

    And 2) even if the (bizarrely gossipy) story were true, WHO GIVES A FUCK? A former smoker having a cigarette (worst case scenario) means what to who? His wife, maybe. But anybody else have ANY reason to judge, other than some kind of insane rightie wish to get ANY dirt on the Senator from Illinois?

    Seriously, you need to add a special “Golden Sphincter” cluster to the award for THAT bit of “journalistic” Rorschach blotter. Tapper is what passes for journalism these daze. No wonder the blogosphere has had to take up the slack.

  71. 71

    […] And, now, the Balloonies.   […]

  72. 72
    Mnemosyne says:

    And she used to wear a vial of her husband’s blood around her neck, and she made out with her brother on the Academy Awards stage, and she is literally covered in tattoos, and she likes knives. Good parenting, there.

    Yes, but you have to give her credit: she gave her father the boot once she started adopting/having kids. Now she’s looking like the smart one.

    (And she does seem to have calmed down quite a bit since she started adopting kids.)

  73. 73

    […] Don’t worry, John. You still have ABC News and Fox. Jake Tapper, Rick Klein, and company are your one network wrecking crew that will chum up any bullshit you need. After the late-night assist Tapper threw you last week on the race card BS (pro-tip: Jake Tapper has never blogged that late before, ever), you have no room to complain about the media. […]

  74. 74

    […] Move over, Jake Tapper. Mark Halperin has outdone himself today, claiming that the McCain housing gaffe is bad for Obama. […]

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] Move over, Jake Tapper. Mark Halperin has outdone himself today, claiming that the McCain housing gaffe is bad for Obama. […]

  2. […] Don’t worry, John. You still have ABC News and Fox. Jake Tapper, Rick Klein, and company are your one network wrecking crew that will chum up any bullshit you need. After the late-night assist Tapper threw you last week on the race card BS (pro-tip: Jake Tapper has never blogged that late before, ever), you have no room to complain about the media. […]

  3. […] And, now, the Balloonies.   […]

  4. […] John Cole has a new award for Jake Tapper and McCain’s fluffer brigade. […]

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