Lapel Pin Patriotism- Ted Stevens Edition

Sen. Stevens releases a statement about his indictment:

I have proudly served this nation and Alaska for over 50 years. My public service began when I served in World War II. It saddens me to learn that these charges have been brought against me. I have never knowingly submitted a false disclosure form required by law as a U.S. Senator.

In accordance with Senate Republican Conference rules, I have temporarily relinquished my vice-chairmanship and ranking positions until I am absolved of these charges.

The impact of these charges on my family disturbs me greatly.

I am innocent of these charges and intend to prove that.

And you know what? I believe him, because the proof is in the lapel:

Real patriots do it with a button on

Of course he is innocent. Look at that lapel pin!

So while the LIE-beral Bush Justice Department may think they have him dead to rights after an almost decade-long investigation with dozens of convictions, I am going to trust my lying eyes as I learned in previous episodes of Lapel Pin Patriotism (episode 1, episode 2, movie edition). Just like Randall “Duke” Cunningham and all the others, I am sure he is innocent.

22 replies
  1. 1
    Zifnab says:

    I think we’ve found a new McCain VP candidate.

  2. 2
    jeffreyw says:

    Asked if he was guilty, he responded with a hearty “NO!”

  3. 3
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    To be fair, I think that’s just a congressional ID-type pin. They all wear ’em so they can get through security, etc.

    (Remember when Cynthia McKinney got stopped for not wearing hers … and ended up smacking the guard?)

    On the other hand, I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard finding a picture of him with a flag pin or some other equally insincere display of patriotism.

  4. 4

    To hedge our bets, it might be best propose rounding up anyone wearing an Incredible Hulk tie and stashing them at Gitmo while simultaneously being assured by the lapel pin that after 3 or 4 years of torture we’d likely release them.

    Win-win, right?

  5. 5
    Tax Analyst says:

    That’s right. Oh, and BTW, did you know that Randall “Duke” Cunningham has requested a Presidential Pardon? Yup, July 19th, per the NY Times (Source: Wikipedia, under “Duke Cunningham”. At the bottom of the page under “Aftermath”. See “2008”)

  6. 6
    Incertus says:

    It saddens me to learn that these charges have been brought against me.

    Translation: It saddens me to think that all the money I earned in kickbacks and bribes will now be spent on legal fees instead of on hookers and blow.

  7. 7
    Tax Analyst says:

    A little more on that NY Times piece. The headline reads, “Felons Seeking Bush Pardon Near A Record”. According to clemency lawyer Margaret Colgate Love the backlog is overwhelming the vetting system, so many of these petitions may not reach Mr Bush’s desk before he leaves office. Wanna bet that a disproportionate number of (former) Republican Office Holder’s are among those that DO?

  8. 8
    nightjar says:

    Just watched ultra elite liberal weeny Jay Carney opine that it’s sooo tragic a man with 50 years of stellar service getting popped for one little bitty transgression of a meager 250,000 dollars. Not even wingnuts are sad or surprised he got indicted.

    GOP corruptocrat alert: Stevens indicted
    By Michelle Malkin • July 29, 2008 02:28 PM

    Hell, he’s been now discovered as a Democrat all along. I didn’t know that.

  9. 9
    John Cole says:

    Re: Malkin

    I called the William Jefferson bit in the previous thread.

  10. 10
    Scott H says:

    A veteran Senator doesn’t know he doesn’t have to prove his innocence? – in America, they have to prove his guilt. Oh, yea, silly me – after 9/11, everything changed, didn’t it?

    I smell fear. Delicious, delicious fear.

  11. 11
    nightjar says:

    I called the William Jefferson bit in the previous thread.

    Yes you did.

  12. 12
    Calouste says:

    Sounds like Stevens is going to fight it. Good. Let it fester for, say, three months.

  13. 13

    Cut to the chase; where’s his hand during the pledge?

  14. 14
    Joshua Norton says:

    Blah, blah, blah. Patriotic. Blah, blah, blah. 50 years public sesrvice. Blah, blah, blah. Oh shit, I got caught. Blah, blah, blah.

  15. 15
    Max says:

    Yeah, that just looks like a Senate member pin, not a flag.

  16. 16
    Tsulagi says:

    Go Tubes!

    I had a feeling he’d go the Senator WideStance route. Maybe cut from the same cloth. Looks like the same lapel pin.

  17. 17
    Douche Baggins says:


  18. 18
    Dave_Violence says:

    I support the death penalty if he is convicted.

  19. 19
    jake says:

    The impact of these charges on my family disturbs me greatly.

    Right. I’m going adopt a dozen kids. That way if I’m ever busted for anything I can use them as a indictment shield.

    Back, back I tell you! You’re upsetting my family. Look, you made little Timmy, Tommy, Janie, Suzie and Mary cry, you heartless bastards!

    Why do Republicrooks think anyone outside of their family should give a flaming fuck about the impact of criminal charges on their family? Here’s a novel idea: Obey the law = No criminal charges = No upset family.*

    * I realize YMMV depending upon skin tone and economic status.

    A lot.

  20. 20
    Pooh says:

    Apparently close to zero hours were billed today in Anchorage law firms, as all the young hippie associates refereshed ADN.COM and NYTIMES.Com at alarming rates…

  21. 21
    Cruel Jest says:

    If only the captured “enemy combatants” had known; drop a few bucks on flag lapel pins and yer golden.

  22. 22
    maxbaer (not the original) says:

    Has anyone used going down the tubes to describe Ted yet?

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