Angel Food Cake (White) and Devil’s Food Cake (Dark) are Racist

A follow-up to John’s “Black Hole” post awhile back. The councilmember who described the use of the term “black hole” as racist has a few other things he thinks are racist. You can watch the video with this buffoon here.

Other things that could be racist:

  • Whitesnake: An utterly horrible metal band of the 80’s. Even so, ever heard of Blacksnake?
  • Gandalf the White: Helps save Middle Earth
  • Conrad Black: Evil Canadian media mogul
  • White-tailed deer: Only half that tail is white. The other half is kinda brown.
  • Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker: Self-explanatory.
  • White Chocolate: Smooth, sweet, and creamy.
  • A9: Black and unpopular. Google: White and very popular!
  • Dark Chocolate: Comes in several varieties – many are bitter.
  • Black Sabbath: I used to think they were awesome, but kinda dark and evil.
  • White Russians: More popular in bars than Black Russians.
  • Black Tuesday: Why are stock market crashed named “Black?” Totally about African Americans.
  • The night sky: Totally black and gloomy, except for the pretty white stars and moon.
  • Black coffee: Kinda harsh (to me), but add a bit of delicious white cream…
  • Reggie White: Famous black football player – needs to change last name
  • White tigers: They have black stripes, so why not black tigers? Because Sigfreid & Roy are racist, that’s why.

…that’s just a start, of course.

And you know the white stuff in the middle of the Oreo is totally what people buy them for.

Update: Video link fixed.






37 replies
  1. 1
    Kevin says:

    Hmm, the video link gives me:

    This page is temporarily unavailable. Please check back later.

  2. 2
    MikeL says:

    Michael D, you’re gonna find yourself behind the 8 ball on this one…

  3. 3
    Michael D. says:

    Why the 8-ball? Why not the cue ball?

    Bigot.

  4. 4
    jack fate says:

    Hey one of my guitars is black. Am I racist or is Gretsch Guitars racist?

  5. 5
    Warren Terra says:

    This sort of controversy is darkening the mood in our country. We all just need to lighten up, really.

  6. 6
    John Cole says:

    Completely OT- If Lambert ranted like this more often, I would go back to reading Corrente on a daily basis. Not that I completely agree with him, but I sure as hell liked how he said it.

  7. 7
    Michael D. says:

    Yeah, I especially love the subtle blatant anti-gay stuff thrown in for good measure. Corrente! Yeah!!

    Fixed.

  8. 8
    rawshark says:

    Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker: Self-explanatory

    I always thought the Jedi/Sith thing was more Jew/Muslim than white/black.

  9. 9
    stevie314159 says:

    You ever notice that most guys named Black are white and most guys named White are black? What’s up with that?

  10. 10
    Billy K says:

    Yay for my hometown.

    BTW: Dallas doesn’t actually have a functioning city government.

  11. 11
    Calouste says:

    My other half refers to white bread as “Devil’s food”.

    Is that racist? Especially coming from a person who’s neither black nor white.

  12. 12
    Crusty Dem says:

    I once had an African American history professor who swore that “in the black” and “in the red” were racist terms derived from early slavery. Europeans first tried to make the native Americans into slaves, but they had a tendency to die en masse from disease and escape, so they were unprofitable. African slaves were more durable, and thus profitable. I always thought it was a ridiculous (and somewhat racist) hypothesis, but it was amusing..

  13. 13
    HumboldtBlue says:

    Black licorice is the nastiest tasting candy ever made. To be black-balled is a bad thing too. Black armbands signal a death. The tires on all of our cars are black, just another example of whitey riding roughshod over the brothers. Black beans and rice are nowhere nearly as good as red beans and rice. Black eyed peas. Back in Black was a slap at minorities, not to mention those of us who hated that shitty band. Blackheads are filled with pus. Black magic is bad. Blackbirds are as well, even when they sing ol’ plantation songs. Blackbeard was mean. The Black death killed millions.

  14. 14
    jon says:

    Was Gandalf the Grey an anti-ageist bigot icon? He spent his time intimidating short people, but then as Galdalf the White he started to take on everybody.

    And Whitesnake is racist and sexist.

    What does it say about me that I don’t care much for Oreos but love those Joe-Joe’s from Trader Joe’s? They’ve got a white middle and a sort of yellowish tan cookie. Makes me a cannibal racist or something, I think, but I’d never be able to judge my own cookie racism, since I have many friends who like Oreos.

  15. 15
    Michael D. says:

    I’m sorry. Black beans and rice are far superior to red beans and rice. I attribute this mostly to how the white rice compliments each though.

  16. 16
    MikeL says:

    Brown Rice FTW.

  17. 17
    Rome Again says:

    I always thought the Jedi/Sith thing was more Jew/Muslim than white/black.

    Silly wabbit, didn’t you know JEDI stands for Jesus Desciple?

  18. 18
    Rome Again says:

    I can’t spell… Disciple (how embarrassing)…

    btw, I like oreos with CHOCOLATE centers, and to much white chocolate makes me sick.

  19. 19
    Joshua Norton says:

    Front page of the SF Chronicle – Heat Wave Won’t Cause Black Out.

    But White Out is already taken.

  20. 20
    Rome Again says:

    Front page of the SF Chronicle – Heat Wave Won’t Cause Black Out.

    But White Out is already taken.

    White Outs appear in suburbs and rural areas. Black Outs appear in cities.

  21. 21
    Dan says:

    Chocolate Rain.

  22. 22
    JR says:

    I tried taking that video seriously, but all his examples of negative connotations just sounded like white noise to me.

  23. 23
    Josh says:

    Whitesnake: An utterly horrible metal band of the 80’s. Even so, ever heard of Blacksnake?

    Well…

  24. 24
  25. 25
    p.a. says:

    Black rhinos and White rhinos. And neither are! WTF?!?!! (Actually, the difference is that one species- can’t remember which and am too lazy to check- has a prehensile lip.) Aren’t there pygmy rhinos also?

  26. 26
    KRK says:

    White chocolate is so very nasty (and not in a Janet Jackson way) that it outweighs the negative connotations of every other item on that list.

  27. 27

    White chocolate is an abomination.

  28. 28
    The Briscoe Kid says:

    Here’s some reverse racism for ya…

    In Kill Bill, O’Ren-Ishii’s codename is Cottonmouth, and she wears a white kimono, but she’s totally evil. The Bride’s codename is Black Mamba, but her motives were justified.

    In the movie Clue Madeline Kahn plays Mrs. White, a black widow murderess.

  29. 29
    Big E says:

    Whitesnake: An utterly horrible metal band of the 80’s. Even so, ever heard of Blacksnake?

    There was that really fine recent movie with Samuel L. Jackson….
    ‘Black Snake Moan’.

  30. 30
    Mike says:

    Price self-published a calendar of shirtless pics around his 50th birthday called something like “Fit at 50,” which is awesome.

  31. 31
    stew says:

    What was the name of the SNL character that Chris Rock did where he said, “Why is the BLACK jellybean the worst tasting jellybeen?”

  32. 32
    Egilsson says:

    Wasn’t it Nat X or something? That was a classic.

    Remember when he was complaining that February had been named Black history month? “Not only is it the shortest month of the year, it’s the coldest!” and then he went on that rif for a bit. Hysterical.

  33. 33
    Sarcastro says:

    I always thought it was a ridiculous (and somewhat racist) hypothesis, but it was amusing.

    Yea, especially considering the first recorded use of the term “in the red” is from 1926.

    As for Gandalf, of course it is racist. I mean, Saruman’s abandonment of the title of “White Wizard” and then taking the mantle of “Wizard of Many Colors” after turning to evil is an obvious slam on multi-culturalism.

  34. 34
    Nikki says:

    I’d just like to point out that black tigers, though extremely rare, do exist.

  35. 35
    theturtlemoves says:

    Angel food is white and devil’s food is black and that is, therefore racist? Maybe it is just that our ancient ancestors got eaten a lot when they ventured out in the dark and that’s why darkness has bad connotations. You know what is really racist? Caves. Really dark, and according to Plato, only a dim reflection of the real world.

  36. 36
    Liz says:

    Blurgh. White chocolate tastes like cocoa-butter hand lotion to me (largely because that’s essentially what white chocolate is.)

  37. 37
    ec1009 says:

    Billiards is racist. The object of pool is to get the white ball to whack the black ball into a hole. I think you only get 41 shots.

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