Someone Also Thought Putting Rob Schneider In Movies Was a Good Idea

I am a little late to the game on this, but this is all kinds of awesome from K-Lo’s House of Crazy:

A totally crazy Saturday-morning thought: Wouldn’t George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher? Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service? How’s that for a model? Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?) Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them. Whatever you think of President Bush, he’s a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share.

Like I said, crazy. Saturday. Have a good one.

A solid front-runner for the worst idea of 2008…






58 replies
  1. 1
    MarkusB says:

    It fits right in with that take on Village people–it’s all “high school”; popularity contests, cliques, etc. Now W can be class prez. Way cool.

    Never to leave high school; it seems so sad, in a chilling sort of way.

  2. 2
    El Cid says:

    Well, I just hope he’s not a teacher in charge of evacuating children from a classroom in an emergency, ’cause Bush Jr. might just sit there staring into the distance for unending minutes after being told of the emergency, and then instead of doing something he might wait for someone to take him to go hide at Air Force bases around the country, and afterwards he’d just get his minions to blame the ‘local government’ and Bill Clinton for failing to act.

  3. 3
    nightjar says:

    I am a little late to the game on this, but this is all kinds of awesome from K-Lo’s House of Crazy:

    K-lo is about the only wingnut blogger that routinely tweaks the liberal bleeding heart in me. Can’t help it, some of the stuff she writes is just sad and pathetic and this is one of those times.

  4. 4
    jake says:

    Is it me or is K-Load getting crazier by the nanosecond?

  5. 5
    calipygian says:

    The only possible explanation for this post by K-Lo is that she is actually Dubya’s sock puppet. Its the only explanation that doesn’t make my head explode.

    By the way, has anyone actually seen K-Lo and the Onion columnist Jean Teasdale at the same time? Their writing styles are very similar.

    So are their reasoning abilities.

  6. 6
    nightjar says:

    jake Says:

    Is it me or is K-Load getting crazier by the nanosecond?

    Nope. The other day she wrote that Bill Clinton may have been thinking about joining the GOP, cause he was so mad about the primary.

  7. 7
    Delia says:

    My first thought was “I had an eighth grade business education teacher who was almost as dumb as Bush.” But then I thought, “Wait a minute. Did he ever wreck the national economy, trash an American city, start two wars and lose them, and embarrass every American who ever has to travel abroad? Not even close. All he ever did was bore us silly for four and a half months and make us write a report on the stock market.”

    Too bad George’s parents weren’t high school teachers. Then K-Lo’s wish could have been granted before she started.

  8. 8
    calipygian says:

    Nominally, K-Lo is the editor in charge of The Corner. Can you imagine being Mark Steyn or Ramesh Ponnuru and nominally your superior at The Corner is K-Lo?

    I don’t think Doughy Pantload has that problem though.

  9. 9
    sujal says:

    Do these people even know the guy they’re talking about???? I mean, seriously, what part of George W. Bush’s life story and history makes anyone think that, “gee, he’ll give back to the community by doing some high school teaching?”

    The general GOP track record isn’t any better — Democrats start foundations and get rich, Republicans go work for Carlyle or, uh, get old and deal with debilitating sicknesses.

    This is the thing I can’t understand about the Corner and these writers. We can disagree, often vehemently, about policy but what do they see about George W Bush that I’m missing?

    Sujal

  10. 10
    TruthOfAngels says:

    I don’t think he’d be much good as a high-school teacher, but kindergarten? A different matter altogether.

    They could teach him to talk properly, for one thing.

  11. 11

    he’s a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share.

    I’d prefer that he share his experience with the International Criminal Court.

  12. 12
    barkleyg says:

    F-CK the library. Let’s start the G. W. Bush Regent Prep School in Crawford instead. This faculty is soo easy to fill, but let me start the ball rolling and see what the G.W. BS prep school would look like.

    G.W. History: specifically World History of the 20th Century and its political and social leaders

    Alberto Gonzalez: Constitutional law, a post 20th century interpretation

    Donald Rumsfeld: Modern Military theory, leaner is meaner

    Dick Cheney: Business Administration: specifically, how to make your company and government contracts go hand in hand

    John McSame: Military History specifically, how I learned to stop fearing torture and learned to love it, as long as it is only used on our enemies

    Karl Rove: Public speaking specifically , how to believe your own lies and make others believe them too. Bush communications 401, an advance course on political BS

    any other schmuks we should consider for the faculty?

  13. 13
    calipygian says:

    Finally, for someone who is in danger of having her whole tongue turn brown because of her Bush worship, K-Lo seems astoundingly ignorant of what Bush has already stated his post-Presidency plans to be:

    First, Mr. Bush said, “I’ll give some speeches, just to replenish the ol’ coffers.” With assets that have been estimated as high as nearly $21 million, Mr. Bush added, “I don’t know what my dad gets – it’s more than 50-75” thousand dollars a speech, and “Clinton’s making a lot of money.”

    Then he said, “We’ll have a nice place in Dallas,” where he will be running what he called “a fantastic Freedom Institute” promoting democracy around the world. But he added, “I can just envision getting in the car, getting bored, going down to the ranch.”

    Crawford? Uh uh. Teaching? Not so much. There will be speechifying, coffer fillerizing and the Fantastic Freedom Institute.

  14. 14
    RSA says:

    Wouldn’t George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher?

    More realistically, he could babysit the class when the regular government teacher was sick, taking a break from his regular job as a gym teacher. You know, the way he takes off time from clearing brush in Crawford every once in a while to go to the White House.

  15. 15

    Setting someone up to fail is not nice. “W” should be allowed to give back in his post-presidency by doing something that matches his intellect, interests and abilities.
    I suggest that he act as a safety cone on the San Bernardino Freeway.

  16. 16
    brandon says:

    And here I was hoping Bush would hear the siren call of reality TV.

  17. 17
    El Cid says:

    At the Derek Zoolander George W. Bush Center For Children Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than being really, really good looking an insufferably arrogant, loser, incompetent venal prick.

  18. 18
    cleek says:

    maybe she’s considering a run for president of the Twenty-Eight Percenters Club.

  19. 19
    jake says:

    any other schmuks we should consider for the faculty?

    Michael Chertoff: Biology. Specifically, The Mysteries of the Digestive Tract Explained!

    Condolezza Rice: English, with a focus on the use of the passive voice.

    John “Torture” Yoo: … Oh wait, he’s already got a teaching gig at UC-B’s SoL.

  20. 20
    YellowJournalism says:

    I don’t think he’d be much good as a high-school teacher, but kindergarten? A different matter altogether.

    I don’t know who that’s more insulting to: kindergarten teachers or the kindergarten students.

  21. 21

    maybe she’s considering a run for president of the Twenty-Eight Percenters Club.

    I think that she’s angling for the seat from Bush’s mountain bike to enhance her “special moments.”

  22. 22
    Gus says:

    some of the stuff she writes is just sad and pathetic

    Yeah, she’s such an easy target, I just kind of feel sorry for her. I think she just needs to be fucked properly. Any volunteers?

  23. 23
    OriGuy says:

    any other schmuks we should consider for the faculty?

    John Ashcroft, for Art Appreciation. Remember the statue in the Justice Department?

  24. 24
    GSD says:

    He’d be the most awesomest teacher ever!

    -Harriet Meiers

  25. 25
    bayville says:

    Priceless ending, eh?

    Like I said, crazy. Saturday. Have a good one.

    Is K-Lo channeling the nitWit with this closing line or what?
    8 words, 3 sentences. It’s just, like, awesome writing there, ya know, Kathryn.

  26. 26

    Apologies to Willie Nelson and the shade of Patsy Cline:

    Crazy, crazy like ten thousand bedbugs
    Yes, I’m crazy, crazy to write what I do

    I knew you’d use me as long as you wanted
    And then someday you’d leave me for somebody new

    Worry? Why should I let myself worry?
    My NRO gig will keep me from feeling too blue!

    But I’m just crazy, to think that my sweet love could hold you

    Crazy for trying, crazy for lying, crazy for loving… you.

  27. 27
    Jody says:

    Dear god, is she lavishing praise on the man for doing something SHE IS SPECULATING HE SHOULD DO???

    What is WRONG with these people???

  28. 28
    jibeaux says:

    8 words, 3 sentences. It’s just, like, awesome writing there, ya know, Kathryn.

    I expect nothing less as the closing thoughts, after…

    would up being that kind of post-service service?

    My high school history teachers ran the gamut from soporific to certifiable, but at most they were messing up 55 minutes of my day, maybe an hour and a half with homework.

  29. 29
    Delia says:

    Karen Hughes. Don’t forget Karen Hughes. Let’s see. She should be the gym teacher. She just looks like a gym teacher.

  30. 30
    PK says:

    I think she just needs to be fucked properly. Any volunteers?

    I don’t think any old volunteer is going to do. She is the fat girl who desperately wants to be fucked by Mr Mission accomplished.

  31. 31
    Delia says:

    Just to help out, I found W’s resume over on another site. Maybe K-Lo could post it for him.

    RESUME
    GEORGE W. BUSH
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington , DC 20520

    EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
    Law Enforcement:
    I was arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been “lost” and is not available.

    Military:
    I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam .

    College:
    I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
    • I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
    • I began my career in the oil business in Midland Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
    • I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. I traded away one of the greatest homerun hitters of all time.
    • With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas .

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS :
    • I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union . During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America
    • I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
    • I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
    • With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States , after losing by over 500,000 votes.

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
    • I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
    • I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
    • I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury
    • I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
    • I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
    • I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
    • I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
    • In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.
    • I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.
    • My “poorest millionaire,” Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron
    oil tanker named after her.
    • I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
    • I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.
    • My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
    • I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
    • I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
    • I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
    • I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
    • I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.
    • I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.
    • I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
    • I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
    • I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
    • I refused to allow inspector’s access to U.S. “prisoners of
    war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
    • I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
    • I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
    • I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one- year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
    • I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
    • I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
    • I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.
    • I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
    • In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
    • I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
    • I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.
    • I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

    RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
    • All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
    • All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    • All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

  32. 32
    zoe from pittsburgh says:

    K-Lo is to Bush as Peggy Noonan is to Reagan– truly embarassing, drooling idol worship.

    Am I the only one who immediately thought of Bush’s “My Pet Goat” reading experience?

  33. 33
    El Cid says:

    zoe from pittsburgh Says:

    …Am I the only one who immediately thought of Bush’s “My Pet Goat” reading experience?

    It’s what I was trying to reference up top, maybe not too successfully.

  34. 34
    AnneLaurie says:

    “Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service?”

    K-Lo, President-for-Life of the Twenty-Eight-Percent-And-Falling-Bitter-Enders, has finally assimilated the fact that her man-crush is liable to end up on trial at the Hague. She is now, in her hamhanded way, attempting to argue in favor of community service rather than jail time for the C-Plus Augustus. Dubya himself, I suspect, would rather serve life plus 20 without possibility of parole than spend any more time around us proles. Although the little prick would probably enjoy being everyone’s worst nightmare of a phys ed teacher — sucking up to the star football team members and abusing every other kid unlucky enough to draw his attention, much like his behavior towards global leadership for the past 8 years.

  35. 35
    TenguPhule says:

    Wouldn’t George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher?

    Why does K-Lo hate American High Schoolers?

  36. 36
    Mike says:

    At least he’d be an easy grader.

    “Mr. Bush, you gave my son an A when he only score 13%.”

    “He’s doin’ a heckuva job, Mrs. Brown”.

    “And when I ask my son what he learned in your class, all he says is ‘I can’t recall.'”

    “You know, Mrs. Gonzales, that’s an honest answer that increases my confidence in his ability to do well in this class.’

  37. 37
    jrg says:

    Monica Lewinsky is way hotter than Kathryn Lopez… Or maybe it just seems that way because Lewinsky has standards.

  38. 38
    Desert Hussein Rat says:

    I’d suggest that this post by K-Lo should serve as an example of the dangers of eating paste, in elementary school.

  39. 39
    rob! says:

    i dunno, i think its a great idea–think of the average amount of respect teenagers give their teacher(s). then put GEORGE W. BUSH in front of them.

    not only would they ask better, tougher questions than 99% of the pussified press corps, but they’d probably throw stuff at him and write “Bush is So Gay” on the bathroom walls.

    if we could get a camera in there, we could sell it on pay per view, and have the deficit he left us paid off by Obama’s 2nd term.

  40. 40
    srv says:

    Roy Scheider was a damn fine actor, and you will not besmirch his name by referencing idiots with similar names.

  41. 41
    YellowJournalism says:

    i dunno, i think its a great idea—think of the average amount of respect teenagers give their teacher(s). then put GEORGE W. BUSH in front of them.

    not only would they ask better, tougher questions than 99% of the pussified press corps, but they’d probably throw stuff at him and write “Bush is So Gay” on the bathroom walls.

    rob! has been a substitute teacher, I see.

    Actually, according to most school districts, Bush is qualified enough to be a substitute teacher in any classroom. I say drop him into an AP Language Arts class and watch him crap his pants as the students speak circles around him.

  42. 42
    Thomas Edward Theadore says:

    Somewhat late? Comeon, the blogshpere has been all abuzz about this for a day at least. That’s like decades in real people time.

    Its like a game, you know: “Chuck Norris doesn’t have a chin under his beard, he has another fist.”

    “Obama doesn’t fart, his ass sings Michelle

    “John McCain dont flip-flop, he weebles don’t fall down.”

    Totally crazy Saturday idea, GWBush should eat my shit.
    Totally crazy Sunday idea, GWBush should eat my shit, retire, and feed himself to my pigs.
    Totally crazy Monday afternoon idea, GWBush should eat my shit, retire, feed himself to my pigs, get shit out and shoveled into my composting toilet.

    Totally awesome Tuesday idea; profit!

  43. 43
    Joshua Norton says:

    Maybe he could try an English as a Second Language course. After all English is his second language. (Bubba Gibberish is his first.)

  44. 44
    Thomas Edward Theadore says:

    GWBush didn’t read “The Pet Goat”, he IS the pet goat.

  45. 45
    Thomas Edward Theadore says:

    Totally awesome Tuesday idea; profit!

    Come to think onit, probably not.
    Anyone know where I can get some Reagan remains?

  46. 46
    Thomas Edward Theadore says:

    srv Says:
    Roy Scheider was a damn fine actor, and you will not besmirch his name by referencing idiots with similar names.

    Roy Scheider may have been awesome in “All That Jazz” but he will never compare to Ernest Borgnine in Airwolf.

  47. 47
    mollybrown says:

    Someone find a job for poor Paul Wolfowitz and Dougie Feith!

  48. 48
    the bush after says:

    Once Georgie is out of the WH and can finally divorce that horrid bitch, he and Jeff Gannon can settle down happily in nice apartment in Chelsea (after the wedding in oh-so-romantic San Francisco.)

    The last thing I want is some busy-body LIBERALS challenging the sanctity of these two lovers marriage.

    Legalize conservative marriage now and make many Republicans very, very happy.

  49. 49
    AkaDad says:

    any other schmuks we should consider for the faculty?

    John Bolton: Diplomacy 101

  50. 50
    calipygian says:

    Paul Wolfowitz and Dougie Feith

    I wouldn’t trust those two fucksticks with the bag of sawdust and a mop.

  51. 51
    grandpajohn says:

    A totally crazy Saturday-morning thought: Wouldn’t George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher?

    What a fucking idiot
    change that to awful high school government teacher. So she wants a moron who has no idea of the concept of how government is supposed to work and who has no communication skills, barely being able to talk in complete sentences most of which are incomprehensibe to attempt to educate young people in how government works. And where the hell does she get the idea that the self serving egotistical playboy Bush would ever have any intention of devoting any of his time to public service.

    Hope someone has removed all the sharp instruments from her reach.

  52. 52
    Wilfred says:

    Would be a great SNL skit. Bush as Teacher and K-lo as Lulu singing To Bush, with love:

    If you wanted Iran, I would bomb the shit out of it,
    for you,
    To Buu-uu-uush, with love.

  53. 53
    Amit Joshi says:

    Huh? What’s your beef with this? I mean, clearly no University is going to hire Bush. He isn’t qualified to do any honest work.

    K-Lo’s making the best of a bad job. What CAN he do? Teach high school government courses!

    Makes sense to me!

  54. 54
    liberal says:

    Amit Joshi wrote,

    I mean, clearly no University is going to hire Bush. He isn’t qualified to do any honest work.

    Yeah, right. Just like no university was willing to hire “the stupidest ****img guy on the face of the earth,” Doug Feith.

    Not that I think it would happen; clearly, he’s going to give speeches in front of rich folks who were so happy that he cut their taxes.

  55. 55
    David Hunt says:

    Come to think onit, probably not.
    Anyone know where I can get some Reagan remains?

    Yeah, I expect that the remains will be most assessable during the Republican Convention. I got it on good authority that there’s a faction that plans on staging a floor fight to get Reagan’s zombified corpse as the candidate instead of McCain.

    I’m joking, of course. They’d never do that because Voodoo is evil. The body will just be paraded through the convention hall on first day. A vast crowd of attendees will strive to touch their lapel pins to the body, capturing some of its Conservative mojo and insuring a job at the American Enterprise Institute.

  56. 56
    Jamey says:

    Those who can’t do, teach.

  57. 57
    james says:

    i’ve found that K-Lo is best read in the voice of Chris Farley playing the part of a woman.

  58. 58
    Tax Analyst says:

    any other schmuks we should consider for the faculty?

    Condi Rice – How to look Secretary of State-ish when meeting Foreign Dignitaries. The Importance of creating the Proper Ambience for your Foreign Dignitary Meeting Photo-Ops.

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