Please, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Let This Happen

Pretty please:

Surprising many Republican insiders, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney is at the top of the vice presidential prospect list for John McCain. But lack of personal chemistry could derail the pick.

“Romney as favorite” is the hot buzz in Republican circles, and top party advisers said the case is compelling.

Campaign insiders say McCain plans to name his running mate very shortly after Barack Obama does, as part of what one campaign planner called a “bounce-mitigation strategy.”

I can’t think of anyone who will better fit in the “Straight Talk Express” than the transparently phony Mittens. Plus, we will get to read unlimited numbers of syrupy paeans to his greatness from Hugh Hewitt and K-Lo. Please let this phony hack be McCain’s choice. Please.

31 replies
  1. 1
    pinola says:

    I’ve been sayin’ the same thing for months. Please bring the horrible-ness that defines the McCain campaign to fruition.

  2. 2
    cleek says:

    that would be awesome.

    then we can see that clip of Mitt talking about his ‘blingbling’, over and over for the next 5 months.

  3. 3
    Wilfred says:

    It makes perfect sense. Republican appeal is based on manipulating certain archetypes – War Hero, Capitalist, Preacher – that carry with them the prestige once associated with shamans and witch doctors. The very word prestige itself is connected with the concept – the original meaning of the word was a conjuring trick.

    Simple iconic images – War, Wealth, the Individual Capitalist hero – the American. It’s built into American thinking.

  4. 4
    rob! says:

    can he pick a VP tag-team of all horrible choices, a sort of Romney/Huckabee/Fiorina/Jindal thing?

  5. 5
    4tehlulz says:

    I loved Josh Marshall’s summary:

    According to Mike Allen at The Politico, Mitt Romney, our dream veep candidate, is topping McCain’s veep short list. The only thing standing in Mitt’s way, apparently, is his being such a tool.

    So true.

    39% may be McCain’s ceiling if he does this.

  6. 6
    AkaDad says:

    I forgot where I read it, but I remember seeing a Massachusetts poll which asked, if Romney was the VP choice, would you be more or less likely to vote for McCain?

    If I remember correctly, 48% said less likely, and 40% said more likely.

  7. 7
    Shinobi says:

    Surely the benevolent FSM would not deny us such a spectacle.

    It’s funny because a friend of mine who is a republican keeps talking about how there is just no possible way Barak Obama can get elected. I think Mitt Romney would be yet another hole in his already tenuous case.

  8. 8
    xochi says:

    Wow. That would make about as much sense as Al Gore picking Joe Lieberman as veep did. Is McCain hoping to shore up the elusive hedge fund CEO vote?

  9. 9
    Zifnab says:

    *crosses fingers*
    *burns incense*
    *sacrifices first-born child*

    My god, this would be fucking fantastic. We get to see Romney blow an even bigger gob of his fortune into the general election and get treated to five more months of Romney-isms and “Why don’t you like Mormons?” whine-fests from the wingnut elites.

    I see your “secret muslim” and raise you “polygamist cult-leader”. Natch.

  10. 10
    TCG says:

    McCain Sugggested that Mittens owed an appology to the Troops for waiving the white flag of surrender before the Florida primary.

    Mittens should just suck it up and appologize to the Troops like McCain suggested, maybe it’ll earn him more brownie points.

  11. 11
    The Other Steve says:

    I can understand why Romney is their top choice. He panders and flip flops nearly as much as McCain.

  12. 12
    PanAmerican says:

    Gilded Age Democrats went with wealthy VP choices in the crazy hope they’d self fund the campaign.

    McCain has convinced himself that Mitt will pay the freight and won’t be a drag in the South. That’s some strong Flavor Aid.

  13. 13
    Wilfred says:

    McCain-Romney is going to be a formidable ticket – don’t kid yourselves otherwise. For one thing, McCain doesn’t care if he loses in the general by 10 million votes. His campaign will correctly narrow the election to a few states, one of which, Michigan, is hardly a lock for Obama and one that Romney has got strength.

    they will run War Hero/Successful Businessman. We will run a candidate who has numerous virtues but who will be characterized as vacillating and ummanly – witness his inability to shut the Clintons up, down and out.

    This will play well with a certain percentage of the population, it always does, at the same time Obama will remain susceptible to a hostile, McCain friendly press, Clinton machinations and his own inherent weaknesses – which will be hammered home as the elitist, suspect Negro versus the Prestige men.

    Gloat if you want, but these people ran Bush twice and won. They know their people.

  14. 14
    bartkid says:

    >I can’t think of anyone who will better fit in the “Straight Talk Express”

    But can the STE be fitted for a roof-top dog carrier?

  15. 15
    Punchy says:

    Cottage Cheese and Lime Jello paired with….Toasted Eggo Waffler?


  16. 16
    jim says:

    Methinks if it is found that The Mitt Does Fit, voters will not be willing to seek to acquit.

    Many hardcore Bible-Thumpers equate Mormonism with old-school devil’s-brew evil. Has Rove been replaced by a defective Magic 8-Ball or what? One of the few folks guaranteed to put more of the hurts on the born-again vote than John-Boy himself! This would be an even fuglier choice than the one Chimpenfuhrer Sr. made when he went with Dan “Potatoe-Boy” Quayle.

    The GOP smells like they’re both phoning it in & dusted on some nasty substances.

    Needs more indictments.

  17. 17
    Liz says:

    I think I need more coffee. I misread this as “But lack of personal chemistry could derail the prick.” Not that it’s inconceivable that someone would say this…

  18. 18
    Delia says:

    Well, they’ll have Utah sewn up. That’s for sure. And I’ll want to talk about his dog a lot.

  19. 19
    cmorenc says:

    AkaDad Says:

    I forgot where I read it, but I remember seeing a Massachusetts poll which asked, if Romney was the VP choice, would you be more or less likely to vote for McCain?

    If I remember correctly, 48% said less likely, and 40% said more likely.

    This sort of survey statistic is meaningless, UNLESS the sample is restricted to people who either currently intend to vote for McCain, or else are at least genuinely undecided enough to still be open to considering voting for McCain instead of Obama.

    As for me, heck yes if McCain selects Romney as his VP nominee, that makes it vastly more unlikely still that I’d vote for McCain. Of course, the likelihood I would vote for McCain at this point no matter who he selects as the VP nominee is less than the chances of an Earth-Pluto collision before election day, although if he doesn’t pick Romney or Jindall the chances of my voting for him do rise to the probability of an Earth-Jupiter collision before November.

  20. 20
    gbear says:

    I kind of agree with Wilfred. A rich old white guy ticket may be just what a lot of economically and socially scared people are looking for. They want change, but the change they want is to make things like they were in the ‘good old days’, whatever their reference point. We are not living in a progressive country, & we’ll have to work very hard to help Obama win.

  21. 21
    Tsulagi says:

    Picking Romney would just be several shades of awesome. If it happens, comedy gold at RedState would ensue. Erick posting Multiple Choice Mitt was really a straight talker all along. Moe blaming anyone not queuing up and still using the Flipper nickname for the steely-eyed Lifelong Varmint Hunter.

    I feel sorry for the Romney family dog. Poor bastard probably thought he got a reprieve with Mitty being shot down. Now he’s likely shitting bricks at the prospect of his family values master taking the whole family out on the campaign with his ass strapped to the top of the plane.

  22. 22
    BombIranForChrist says:

    “Bounce mitigation strategy”

    Is this the same strategy that propped John “Cottage Cheese” McCain in front of a green screen in order to give a speech which, alone, was bad enough, but when compared to Obama’s speech on the same night, sounded like an idiot man child smashing his face with a slab of whale fat?

    Here is what will happen: Obama will pick a fantastic candidate, and McCain will pick some corrupt old codpiece from the 80’s, and the contrast will be more pronounced by the proximity of the announcements.

    McCain should go into hiding until November. It’s his best strategy.

  23. 23
    Gus says:

    I tell ya, it’s gonna be Pawlenty. That’s the only explanation for the McCain campaign running commercials in a market where he’s 10+ points behind. The beauty is it’s gonna backfire bigtime. No Minnesotan wants our current Lt. Gov to take over.

  24. 24
    joe says:

    Do it, Senator!

    Strap your campaign to the roof of Mitt Romney’s station wagon, and full speed ahead!

  25. 25
    gbear says:

    Gus, ya gotta admit that it would be sweet to get Pawlenty out of here. I don’t know if we’ve ever had a politician in MN who was such an effective liar; who could straight-faced tell you how great he’s running things even as our bridges are falling into the river. Having the fired head of MNDot take over as governor would pretty much insure that republicans would never get elected in this state again, plus she’d never get to first base in implementing any scrap of policy. I think it would be great.

  26. 26
    Nathalie says:

    My dad’s 75 and from the “Rockefeller Republican”/Republicans are good at business crowd. Not that he wouldn’t vote for McCain, but his first choice was Romney because of the “successful businessman” angle, and now he’ll be happy about his McCain vote. The point: Romney shores up the shaky “practical” vote from Republican/Independents who otherwise look at McCain with dismay for his apparent indifference to all things economic, which is pretty much all that vast wads of people care about right now, from retirees paling at their retirement fund shrinkage to middle class 40-somethings increasingly freaked by their stagnant paychecks’ inability to keep up with insurance premium/utility/grocery/gasoline/daycare increases. Don’t get me wrong — Obama’s my senator and I’ve liked the guy since the 2004 Senate primary — but as someone noted above, War + Business on the ticket is pretty much what the Republicans need to do. McCain’s angling for the Independents and independent-leaning Republicans.

  27. 27
    susanb2010 says:

    OMG… I’d die and go to heaven with silly Mittens on the ticket. I just have one question for him…. You said that all the lost auto jobs could “easily” come back to Michigan. How?

  28. 28

    Mutt Romney’s campaign song.

    My submission is sung to the tune of Kate Smith’s “God Bless America” (the definitive version to be sure).

    Dog bless America

    See our land from above

    Our roof rack rider

    Safely astride our

    Station wagon, tail’s a’waggin’

    Now ain’t that love?

    Don’t need pit stops

    Don’t need heaters

    Shit just happens

    Leave me be!

    Dog bless America

    And vote for ME!! (A great VP!)

  29. 29
    cmorenc says:

    Romney won’t be the VP nominee, because during even the relatively short competitive GOP primary season, John McCain developed too strong a visceral dislike for Romney to want to tolerate having him around as close and as often as a truly useful Vice President would need to be to a President. However, McCain would gladly make Romney Secretary of Commerce or of the Treasury, where he wouldn’t need to see or speak to him more than every week or two.

  30. 30
    Darkness says:

    If you pray hard enough, Jesus will come down from Planet Kolob and make it so. I think the Big Spaghetti got banned for a millennium after the big meatball food fight between Joseph and his six hundred after-life wives.

  31. 31
    pinola says:

    Let’s not forget this classic from the Romney campaign, which speaks for itself.

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