They Got Nothing

Via memeorandum, this may be the most wingnuttiest blogpost yet this election cycle:

Kos Tries To Pass Off Obama’s Birth Certification As Birth Certificate

Take that, Obamabots!

In the comments of the post, we learn the following:

By concentrating on the word African, you’re all missing the REAL real point: they didn’t have laser printers back in 1961. This document has to be a phony. That, or a legally qualified custodian of the original record issued a certified transcript of the original and adopted the modern usage of the term African where it said Negro or something else in the original.

This is going to be the most awesomest election EVAH!

98 replies
  1. 1
    Larime the Gimp says:

    Ah, Little Green Fuckermonkeys, trying yet again.

    It’s almost cute.

  2. 2
    Octavian says:

    This kind of nonsense strains one’s sanity. I’m tempted to throw my laptop out the window.

  3. 3
    MattF says:

    And, sadly, Kenneth still doesn’t know the frequency.

  4. 4
    Bobzim says:

    Has anyone called font forensics yet?

  5. 5
    Dreggas says:

    Can we neuter them to prevent further pollution of the gene pool?

  6. 6
    Joshua Norton says:

    It’s frightening, really. It’s as if all those people were running on a single brain.

    And not a smart one, either. More like the brain of a particularly mean 10 year old.

  7. 7
    stm177 says:

    I don’t know whether to knock this one down or not, since it’s so ridiculous.

    I mean, have they been in government offices lately? They have computers now, and if Obama wanted a new copy of his birth certificate, they’d print one off on legal paper and mail it to him.

  8. 8
    Dennis - SGMM says:

    I mentioned this in another thread. My birth certificate was issued in Honolulu in 1948 (Wasn’t born in Hawaii but it was the closest place that Americans could register a birth). I ordered copies a couple of years back and received nice, laser printed documents with all of the information that was on the original.
    Fucking idiots.

  9. 9
    Jake says:

    You’ve got to believe that there’s a significant overlap between these wingnuts and the groups that believe:
    1) Adam and Even rode to work on a dinosaur
    2) The moon landing was a hoax

    Facts are just an inconvenience to these folks.

  10. 10
    Michael D. says:

    I reiterate that this is the stupidest fucking (non)issue I’ve ever heard of in politics. And I am ABSOLUTELY convinced that it wouldn’t be happening if Barack Obama was a white guy named Joe Smith.

    I hate making accusations of racism, but I am absolutely sure that this is exactly what this is.

    “He’s a black guy. His father was from Nigeria. He can, at best, only be three-fifths of a president.”

    I hate this. It disgusts me.

  11. 11
    Adam says:

    What nobs. That is the official birth record. The DMV here won’t even accept a hospital birth certificate as proof of ID — they force you to get the state-issued cert like the one Kos posted, as I found out the hard way.

  12. 12
    CapMidnight says:

    Personally, I don’t believe Obama was born at all. Except in a TV sound stage. Down the hall from where they faked the moon landing.
    (By the way, if an illegal alien was born in Roswell, it can’t be President, right?)

    Oh, and Michelle Malkin‘s birth certificate? It’s a dog license, with the word “dog” crossed out, and “c**t” written in, in crayon.

  13. 13
    His Grace says:

    Forgive me for this but, why do we need to see his birth certificate anyways? Do they seriously believe that there is an asterisk next to his name with a *Secret Muslim on the back or something?

  14. 14
    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford says:

    Anybody else notice the “57 State Lapel Pin” they’re selling to commemorate Obama’s “gaffe” of, you know, mistaking the amount of states in the union? That Obama would be aware as native of Hawaii, the 50th state, that there are 50 states, and not 57, seems to make no impression. They know better, Obama wasn’t making a joke. That Obama is one of 100 Senators, 2 from each state, also seems to be immaterial. Obama, an editor of the Harvard Law Review, an elitest, isn’t as intelligent as a primary school student.

    It’s like living in the Bizarro World at times.

  15. 15
    BFR says:

    Kinda reminds me of the spray’n’pray firing technique in shooting games – have no clue where the sniper’s coming from and just desperately hoping that they hit something.

    It doesn’t usually work in video games though, either.

  16. 16
    southpaw says:

    When can we get a copy of John McCain’s birth certificate?

    I have a very well-founded suspicion that his middle name used to be Bush.

  17. 17
    Dennis - SGMM says:

    Anybody else notice the “57 State Lapel Pin” they’re selling to commemorate Obama’s “gaffe”…

    McCain’s supporters should think twice before making a big deal of gaffes. It’s reasonable to suspect that McCain got those jowls of his from sticking his hoof in his mouth.

  18. 18
    jack fate says:

    Anybody else notice the “57 State Lapel Pin” they’re selling to commemorate Obama’s “gaffe” of, you know, mistaking the amount of states in the union? That Obama would be aware as native of Hawaii, the 50th state, that there are 50 states, and not 57, seems to make no impression. They know better, Obama wasn’t making a joke. That Obama is one of 100 Senators, 2 from each state, also seems to be immaterial. Obama, an editor of the Harvard Law Review, an elitest, isn’t as intelligent as a primary school student.

    Funny thing about that is, while a flub to be sure, the number 57 is not something pulled out of his ass. 50 states, one federal district (DC), one incorporated territory (Palmyra Atoll) and five major territories (Puerto Rico, the United States Virgin Islands in the Caribbean, American Samoa, Guam, and the Northern Mariana Islands) = 57. Admittedly and shamefully I was not aware of the number of territories under US jurisdiction. As I’m sure most people in this country are not.

  19. 19
    Adam says:

    Really, I wish Kos didn’t indulge this idiocy. Next week they’re going to be demanding a DNA test of Obama’s entire family because how else do we know he’s not an Islamic space invader!? OMG

  20. 20
    Joshua Norton says:

    When can we get a copy of John McCain’s birth certificate?

    I understand it’s drawn on the side of a cave. Might be difficult to get into the photocopy machine.

  21. 21
    Adam says:

    Forgive me for this but, why do we need to see his birth certificate anyways? Do they seriously believe that there is an asterisk next to his name with a *Secret Muslim on the back or something?

    The claim is that he changed his middle name from “Muhammad” to “Hussein” to hide the fact that he’s secretly a Muslim. No, seriously.

  22. 22
    MikeL says:

    Michael D:

    You’re forgetting that Obama’s mother is white, and that half is 100% entitled to be president. If you work out the math:

    1/2 (the white half) + (3/5) * (1/2) (the black half)
    =1/2 + 3/10
    =4/5

    Therefore, Obama can if fact be 4/5 of a president, not the mere 3/5 you suggested.

    QED

  23. 23
    jibeaux says:

    Well, it *could* be cleek indulging my snark fantasy, but I kind of doubt it.

  24. 24
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    By concentrating on the word African, you’re all missing the REAL real point: they didn’t have laser printers back in 1961.

    Gotta be spoof.

  25. 25
    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford says:

    jack fate Says:

    Funny thing about that is, while a flub to be sure, the number 57 is not something pulled out of his ass. 50 states, one federal district (DC), one incorporated territory (Palmyra Atoll) and five major territories (Puerto Rico, the United States Virgin Islands in the Caribbean, American Samoa, Guam, and the Northern Mariana Islands) = 57. Admittedly and shamefully I was not aware of the number of territories under US jurisdiction. As I’m sure most people in this country are not.

    June 12th, 2008 at 5:52pm

    Yet again, Obama is clever enough to identify the number of territories/races, albeit with a tongue-in-cheek delivery, and Republicans STILL think they’re the ones making teh funny.

    I swear, a good percentage of Republicans can be identified as high-functioning retards.

  26. 26
    Fledermaus says:

    When can we get a copy of John McCain’s birth certificate?

    As soon as they finish translating it from the original sanscrit

  27. 27
    Pooh says:

    Kerning, bitches!

  28. 28
    El Cid says:

    The f***ers called John Kerry a coward, a Purple-Heart faker, a traitor, they even called him French — but they never asked for his birth certificate.

  29. 29
    Dreggas says:

    BFR Says:

    Kinda reminds me of the spray’n’pray firing technique in shooting games – have no clue where the sniper’s coming from and just desperately hoping that they hit something.

    It doesn’t usually work in video games though, either.

    Nope…we snipers get them every time…

  30. 30
    Ed in NJ says:

    Freepers idiots are also up in arms over this.

    Seems it was mentioned that the Patriot Act requires that all birth certificates be printed out, and not photocopies of the original, so the discussion has shifted to who in the Hawaii records office is a Democratic plant and altered the document.

    Building on that theory, it was suggested that the Obama campaign sent the fake birth certificate to Kos, so that when the real birth certificate shows up, they can disavow the forgery as the work of the bloggers.

  31. 31
    DR says:

    Are they really THAT dumb?? Have they NEVER had a Birth Certificate issued in their adult lifetimes?

    Sheesh… This is just too much.

  32. 32
    douglasfactors says:

    Funny thing about that is, while a flub to be sure, the number 57 is not something pulled out of his ass. 50 states, one federal district (DC), one incorporated territory (Palmyra Atoll) and five major territories (Puerto Rico, the United States Virgin Islands in the Caribbean, American Samoa, Guam, and the Northern Mariana Islands) = 57. Admittedly and shamefully I was not aware of the number of territories under US jurisdiction. As I’m sure most people in this country are not.

    My guess would be that Obama was not counting Palymra Atoll, home to maybe twenty people, but was counting both the Texas primary and the Texas caucus.

  33. 33
    Tsulagi says:

    This is going to be the most awesomest election EVAH!

    For comedy value, yeah, I think it’s a lock.

    In the previous BC thread there were some pretty good comments from Hot Air citizen journos. Decent one in this post from Flip. Good stuff. But then I remembered I hadn’t seen the genius that is Free Republic in a long time. Had to take a look. One really smart Freeper opined…

    I don’t get the point of posting his birth certificate, anyway. It raises more questions than it answers. My guess is that the left is attempting to stir up controversy on the right, over Obama’s Muslim heritage, much like they are trying to gin up the controversy over Michelle Obama’s “Whitey” remark. It’s best not to fall for it, other than to question why and the reasons for all the obfuscations. The lies about his Muslim heritage are much more important than the fact, itself. Obama’s mother was an agnostic, at best and chances are that Obama is also an agnostic, whose only religious beliefs are political in nature.

    Seemed a fair number were zeroing in on “African” listed as race rather than “Negro” as proof the Kos posted BC is fake. Consensus there. But a few of the really sharp knives in the drawer like the one above were beginning to suspect the evildoers were ginning this up to make them look stupid while hiding something else much worse. You can’t fool these guys.

    I’m going to have to start shopping at Costco for popcorn.

  34. 34
    alhutch says:

    I swear, a good percentage of Republicans can be identified as high-functioning retards.

    JAF, how certain are you of the “high-functioning” part of your statement?

  35. 35
    El Doh says:

    The f***ers called John Kerry a coward, a Purple-Heart faker…

    I still remember those spineless bastards with their purple heart bandaids and my feeling just so incredibly outraged about it, then being stunned that so few other people apparently were… the disrespect demonstrated not just to Kerry but all veterans by that action was astounding to me, and yet it apparently just wasn’t a big deal.

    It was a very sobering moment.

  36. 36
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Thank god they haven’t gotten to sandbox re-creations of Obama’s birth.

    Yet.

  37. 37
    ThymeZone says:

    Blah, blah, blah. All due respect.

    We are now running against people who have little more than scary pastor videos and birth certificate font rants.

    I think the American people are going to show up in large numbers and put an ignominious end to this nonsense in November.

  38. 38
    Mwangangi says:

    “… the goggles! They do nothing…”

  39. 39
    Killjoy says:

    I’ll give five dollars to anyone who successfully makes “kerning” slang for some sort of unusual sexual act.

  40. 40
  41. 41
    Dreggas says:

    Killjoy Says:

    I’ll give five dollars to anyone who successfully makes “kerning” slang for some sort of unusual sexual act.

    kerning: The rotating of ones penis in the anal cavity.

  42. 42
    Killjoy says:

    kerning: The rotating of ones penis in the anal cavity.

    Check’s in the mail!

  43. 43
    MobiusKlein says:

    kerning = sex on sand with no towel. Sand gets everywhere.
    Or something to to with Bakersfield – ie Kern country

    For non-Californians, Bakersfield is the equivalent of the flyover states.

  44. 44
    Zifnab says:

    Blah, blah, blah. All due respect.

    We are now running against people who have little more than scary pastor videos and birth certificate font rants.

    I think the American people are going to show up in large numbers and put an ignominious end to this nonsense in November.

    Obama should get every vote. Every damn vote. After this, there is nothing that can justify a vote for the GOP in the fall. I don’t care if you wore Ronald Reagen imprinted swaddling cloth, I don’t care if you make a billion dollars a year in some sort of freak Halliburton / Insurance Company / Real Estate in Alaska cross-over firm, I don’t care if your last name is Bush. No one should want these idiots running the country for another four years. It’s a simple matter of self-preservation. You wouldn’t have a retarded sea-monkey drive your car. Why would you let flocks of them run your country?

  45. 45
    Steve V says:

    Just noticed, surfing around, that Larry Sinclair has booked the National Press Club for some kind of event next Wednesday. Jane H is appropriately incensed and has a petition up at firedoglake to get the NPC to cancel this thing. The craziest thing, though, is that Jane’s post links to Larry Sinclair’s blog (just to substantiate that this event is real) — I made the mistake of clicking the link and there are almost 1000 comments on Sinclair’s announcement! I definitely do not have time to read more than a few of these comments, but among the comments I read were quite a few applauding Larry Johnson’s work. I got the impression there were as many Hillary dead-enders cheering on Sinclair as there were GOPers.

    To tie this back to the birth certificate thing, I noticed yet another variant of it when I clicked on one of the links in the Sinclair comments … apparently some of the crazies are trying to say that Obama is not American but is in fact Kenyan, because (apparently) his birth was registered there too (perhaps by his father; maybe Obama qualifies for Kenyan citizenship as the son of a Kenyan national).

    I really don’t know what to say.

  46. 46
    Chris Johnson says:

    seriously, what. the. fuck.

  47. 47
    Bey says:

    I’m going to have to start shopping at Costco for popcorn

    May I recommend Orville Reddenbacher’s Natural Buttery Salt and Cracked Pepper? It’s teh awesome and very peppery.

    These people are so incredibly stupid and sad that I can’t even laugh at them tonight.

    Gonna level my huntard instead. And thanks John for stirring up my WoW jones again.

  48. 48
    ThymeZone says:

    kerning: The rotating of ones

    Welp, there’s a moment I can never get back, and an image I can never expunge from my mind.

    Thanks so much.

    Fuck this.

  49. 49
    The Other Steve says:

    What nobs. That is the official birth record. The DMV here won’t even accept a hospital birth certificate as proof of ID —they force you to get the state-issued cert like the one Kos posted, as I found out the hard way.

    That’s a new law to protect us from terorrists and illegal immigrants. As I was getting my license tabs recently I was behind a women who found out the hard way how stupid this law is.

    Apparently the hospital birth certificate is issued by the county. The new federal law prohibits a license bureau of one county to accept birth certificates from the same county. However, another county within the same state may accept it. But not from a different state. You have to request the birth certificate from the state.

    I didn’t look to see if this new law was a state one or federal. I am pretty certain it is federal though, considering this lady was trying to get passports for her kids.

  50. 50
    Ted says:

    Are they really THAT dumb?? Have they NEVER had a Birth Certificate issued in their adult lifetimes?

    No. Their mommies keep it in the fireproof lock box with the family’s other important documents. Or their wives take care of it for them, and since they should SHUT UP, and get back to the kitchen, they’ve not been enlightened about modern birth certificate replacement yet.

    I hope the Powerliars take this bait.

  51. 51
    The Other Steve says:

    Another day in the life of a wingnut.

  52. 52
    Bey says:

    You have to request the birth certificate from the state.

    It gets worse and weirder. My son died last year. I needed a certified copy of his birth certificate for his estate and before the county would issue one to me, his mother, I had to send them a certified copy of his death certificate. Had he been alive, they would have sent me a copy no problem.

  53. 53
    Ted says:

    My guess would be that Obama was not counting Palymra Atoll, home to maybe twenty people, but was counting both the Texas primary and the Texas caucus.

    Doesn’t the US own the Bikini Atoll as well? Or did we give that back to the native people once we were done pulverizing it?

  54. 54
    Wilfred says:

    I’m really getting kerned on by all this.

    To every season – kern, kern, kern.

    Kernbayya.

    Fuck it.

  55. 55
    Steve V says:

    Condolences, Bey.

  56. 56
    Bey says:

    Thank you Steve, that’s very kind of you.

  57. 57
    Adrienne says:

    What all these idiots ALSO seem to miss is that *most* states differentiate between a long-form birth certificate and a short form. You can request certified COPIES of either. The short form has pertinent info like your birth date, full name, parents name, etc. The long form is what they fill out in the hospital and it all has all of the info on the short form PLUS extra info like the hospital you were born in, the time of your birth, your weight, etc. These people are fucking nutjobs.

  58. 58
    PeterJ says:

    If the right wing bloggers weren’t as stupid as they are I would have thought that this was all a plan to get rid of McCain without getting their own hands dirty.

    Piss of bloggers that supports Obama by attacking him over this. These bloggers then counter attack McCain since he was born in Panama. They actually find something important and McCain has to quit. Romney becomes their candidate instead.

    But then I remember that they are stupid shits.

  59. 59
    kate r says:

    I’m sorry bey. Ugh.

  60. 60
    libarbarian says:

    Remind me why its a big deal if his middle name is “muhammed” instead of “hussein”?

  61. 61
    Darkrose says:

    I’m very sorry, Bey.

  62. 62
    Xenos says:

    Kerners are go! (SadlyNo.com put up a great 40s style movie poster of that, but I can’t seem to find it now)

    The legions of twerps trying to repeat Powerline.com’s success will be legion. Or something like that.

  63. 63
    Delia says:

    These idiots are trying to repeat their great triumph when they brought down Dan Rather by discovering that the ancient transcripts he had were written in Microsoft Word font. (Or much more likely, their White House handler slipped one of them the info.) Now they think they’ve scored again when they’ve neglected to discover that modern bureaucracies search their data bases and issue old birth certificates through the wonders of space age technology. For a bunch of keyboard kommandoes, they’re pretty much troglodytes. But we all knew that.

  64. 64
    Cain says:

    Condolences, Bey.

    and to end on a happier note:

    Happy 60th Birthday, Dennis! Youse fuckin old, dude. Wait 20 years, you can make fun of me when I’m 60. :-)

    cain

  65. 65
    pseudonymous in nc says:

    KERNERS ARE GO! (for Xenos)

  66. 66
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    Bey,

    I’m very sorry for your loss.

    I imagine that having to deal with heartless and stupid bureaucracy like that was the last thing you needed at such a difficult time.

    My mother knew just how to deal with people like that (the bureaucrats), if she could get them face to face.
    She would fix them with her very severe and very Episcopalian glare of dissapproval and then slowly, quietly and with great diginity say: “shame on you” just once, and then let the unblinking silence stretch on and on and on into eternity until you felt like you were in the dock with the defendants at Nurenburg and started looking for a way to crawl under the floorboards to escape.

    It seldom failed to get results.

    Sadly, that particular superpower did not get passed down to me. A pity – it would come in handy every now and then.

  67. 67
    Notorious P.A.T. says:

    No one should want these idiots running the country for another four years. It’s a simple matter of self-preservation. You wouldn’t have a retarded sea-monkey drive your car. Why would you let flocks of them run your country?

    You’re absolutely right, but that’s the rub: I really am starting to think a large segment of America’s population *do*, in fact, want to wreck this country (possibly at a sub-conscious level). Oh, they don’t want to tear it down to the ground and salt the earth like the Romans at Carthage, but they do seem to want to destroy it.

    Maybe it’s because they can’t stand to live in a country where Colored Folk can actually vote, or maybe they can’t stand to live in a place where being gay isn’t a crime, or women can have any job they want, or perhaps it’s something else. But whatever the reason, I’m beginning to think they’ve decided to blow up the United States like an old barn and start over.

    What other explanation is there? Our currency is tanking, our military is breaking, our economy is nosediving, our government is riddled with corruption, a hurricane bitchslaps our southern coast and the people charged to respond can’t find their ass with a map and a compass, and so on, and so on. Yet no less than 40% of voters polled say they will back McCain to stay on our present course. Is anyone out there saying “This is a golden age! Let’s keep it up!”

  68. 68
    MBL says:

    My favorite part of all this is the bit where John McCain was born in Panama.

  69. 69
    Adam says:

    That’s a new law to protect us from terorrists and illegal immigrants. As I was getting my license tabs recently I was behind a women who found out the hard way how stupid this law is.

    I was told that my birth record from the hospital didn’t count and that I needed to get my birth certificate reissued by the “State of Chicago.”

    I was like, “State of Chicago?” thinking the clerk lady would say, “I mean Illinois,” but instead she just nodded at me.

  70. 70
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    What other explanation is there? Our currency is tanking, our military is breaking, our economy is nosediving, our government is riddled with corruption, a hurricane bitchslaps our southern coast and the people charged to respond can’t find their ass with a map and a compass, and so on, and so on. Yet no less than 40% of voters polled say they will back McCain to stay on our present course. Is anyone out there saying “This is a golden age! Let’s keep it up!”

    The simplest plausible explanation I’ve come across is that we aren’t one country, not really.

    If you believe Kevin Phillips, this is the latest chapter in a long running ethnic, religious and cultural civil war within Anglo-America that has been smoldering and smoking and on several occasions breaking out into openly murderous violence (English Civil War, US Revolutionary War, US Civil War, the Civil Rights movement era of the late 20th Cen.), for the last 400 years.

    Perlstein’s Nixonland paints a pretty similar picture of that last violent outbreak. At least it wasn’t as bloody as the ones that came before it, so maybe we are making progress.

    We Americans are like Shia and Sunni. We are divided into tribes and we don’t get along and probably never will. Come back in 200 years and you’ll find that the Roundheads/Cavaliers, Patriots/Tories, Yankees/Confederates, Moonbats/Wingnuts will still be here under some other pair of names and will still be at each other’s throats and one or both factions will still be willing to more than half destroy the country in order to put down the other side.

    Family fights are like that, because for the loser there is nowhere else to go.

  71. 71
    Tsulagi says:

    kerning: The rotating of ones…

    Dreggas, unless you had that one already made earlier, you’re definitely more warped than I am.

    Thanks, now I have an image of Fats Hannity strapping himself onto a Wheel of Fortune then the rest of the Fox boys happily spinning the wheel so they can take their turn in front of Fats.

    Also, thanks for the popcorn suggestion, Bey. Just might give it a try. And as a parent, best wishes going forward.

  72. 72
    Chasm says:

    Best Wingnut comment ever (from the “suitably flip” site, above)

    UNBELIEVEBLE THAT THE MSM WONT LOOK INTO THIS I GUES THIS IS WHY THE SILENT JEEHAD IS SO SUCSESSFULL! IT IS COMMEN NOWLEDGE THAT OBBOMA IS A MOSSLEM IT IS COMMEN NOWLEDGE THAT OBBOMA WASNT EVEN BORN IN AMMERICA BECASE HAWAI WASNT EVEN ***PART*** OF AMERECA IN THOSE DAYS I CANT BELEAVE HOW STUPID THE LIBDONKS ARE!!!!!! WELL DONT BLAME ME WHEN OBBAMA ENTRODUCES SHAREA AND WE ALL HAVE TO WORSHIP VISHNU SEVEN TIMES A DAY!!!!!!

    Posted by: Cobb Bolker | Jun 12, 2008 4:34:46 PM

    How is it even possible to be this stupid?

  73. 73
    Samwise says:

    My favorite part of all this is the bit where John McCain was born in Panama.

    Sadly, No! At least not the Republic of Panama. John Sidney McCain was born in a Naval hospital in the Panama Canal Zone, a U.S. territory from 1904 to 1979.

    Don’t try to be like a Little Green Shithead. It’s unseemly.

  74. 74
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    The f***ers called John Kerry a coward, a Purple-Heart faker, a traitor, they even called him French

    And when it turned out he’s not even a little bit French, they decided that well…he’s French-looking, dammit !

  75. 75
    Otto Man says:

    they decided that well…he’s French-looking, dammit !

    I believe that line came from Tom DeLay.

    DeLay, as we all know, is an Anglo-Saxon name.

  76. 76
    zzyzx says:

    The reason why you needed the death certificate is because people request birth certificates of dead people in an attempt to make fake ids. I read a lot of Loomponics books when I was in college.

  77. 77
    RickMassimo says:

    By concentrating on the word African, you’re all missing the REAL real point: they didn’t have laser printers back in 1961. This document has to be a phony. That, or a legally qualified custodian of the original record issued a certified transcript of the original and adopted the modern usage of the term African where it said Negro or something else in the original.

    “This document has to be a phony. That, or, um, not.”

    Condolences, Bey.

  78. 78
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    I still remember those spineless bastards with their purple heart bandaids and my feeling just so incredibly outraged about it, then being stunned that so few other people apparently were… the disrespect demonstrated not just to Kerry but all veterans by that action was astounding to me, and yet it apparently just wasn’t a big deal.

    To his credit, the head of this veterans’ group WAS outraged, and said so:

    The bandages, distributed by Morton Blackwell of Arlington, Va., included a message that read, “It was just a self-inflicted scratch, but you see I got a Purple Heart for it.” Mr. Blackwell said he was only trying to have fun, but the Military Order of The Purple Heart, an organization that says it represents wounded veterans, was not amused.

    The group’s national commander, Robert N. Lichtenberger, said his 38,000 members were “outraged that an award that has been earned by them for shedding blood on the battlefields of the world would be so denigrated by using it for the purpose of political advantage.”

    A group spokesman said Mr. Lichtenberg would send letters of protest to Ed Gillespie, the Republican National Committee chairman, who personally persuaded Mr. Blackwell to stop handing out the bandages.

    NY Times

  79. 79
    Tyro says:

    My guess would be that Obama was not counting Palymra Atoll, home to maybe twenty people, but was counting both the Texas primary and the Texas caucus.

    More likely: the Democrats Abroad caucus.

  80. 80
    Len says:

    2) The moon landing was a hoax

    It was! How else do you explain the fact the we have not been back in dang near 40 years? Weren’t we supposed to have colonies up there already?

    Do you really believe we landed on the moon using computers that had less computing power than the one you are using right now?

    Am I being serious? (for me to know and you to find out)

    Too bad we don’t have colonies on the moon. It’d be a nice place to send all of our loony wingnuts.

  81. 81
    jake says:

    kerning: The rotating of ones penis in the anal cavity.

    Basket chairs, aisle 11.

    I thought it was the act of dry humping a gas grill.

  82. 82
    Blue Raven says:

    WELL DONT BLAME ME WHEN OBBAMA ENTRODUCES SHAREA AND WE ALL HAVE TO WORSHIP VISHNU SEVEN TIMES A DAY

    Well, OK, but if I have to go vegetarian in the process, I will need someone to blame. He looks as good a target as any.

  83. 83
    OriGuy says:

    For non-Californians, Bakersfield is the equivalent of the flyover states.

    Kern County was in the news this week. The county clerk’s office has announced they don’t have enough staff to perform civil ceremonies for all the marriages they expect starting next week. Since their lawyer told them they can’t exclude same-sex marriages, they won’t do any. There aren’t that many gay people in Kern County, I suspect.

    Mayor Newsom of San Francisco says that they have more volunteers trained to perform weddings than they can use and has offered to send them some.

  84. 84
    Johnny Pez says:

    I was told that my birth record from the hospital didn’t count and that I needed to get my birth certificate reissued by the “State of Chicago.”

    Okay, then. Your first task will be to persuade Chicago to secede from Illinois.

  85. 85
    Rome Again says:

    Welp, there’s a moment I can never get back, and an image I can never expunge from my mind.

    Never? Are you sure? I think I can help you with that. ;)

  86. 86
    Rome Again says:

    I really am starting to think a large segment of America’s population do, in fact, want to wreck this country (possibly at a sub-conscious level). Oh, they don’t want to tear it down to the ground and salt the earth like the Romans at Carthage, but they do seem to want to destroy it.

    Grover Norquist and friends say “Yes!”

  87. 87
    Balakirev says:

    Alright, I admit it. When a bunch of us Edwards supporters realized the media could give a tinker’s fart about our candidate, we decided to get even. We created a black, moderate Democratic android and used our Evil Time Travel Ray to take it back to the point where it had a chance at election. Unfortunately, we forgot to fix the birth certificate. Isn’t that just like us World Takeover Types? I mean, you go to all that trouble connecting the beta-neuron resonator to the syncrophatic elixiranium, only to discover that because you dropped a piece of gum in organic waste this morning Matt Drudge came into existence. Oh, well! Drudge happens! We’ll still succeed, my pretties–you’ll see. :)

  88. 88
    Cyrus says:

    I believe that line came from Tom DeLay.

    DeLay, as we all know, is an Anglo-Saxon name.

    You know what the really funny thing is? What the name means. I tried to look this up but couldn’t find anything one way or another but I admit I didn’t try too hard in case I’m wrong, but it’s truthy and it does make sense.
    DeLay
    De Lay
    The letters y and i get switched sometimes between old and modern french, like how Leroy comes from le roi, so “de lay” may once have been “de lai” or “de loi”
    “De loi” means “of the law.” Or, more simply, “legal.”
    Tom DeLay’s name probably means “legal.”

  89. 89
    MBL says:

    Samwise: Pull your head out of your ass, mmkay? I know full and fucking well where McCain was born. It doesn’t change the fact that you don’t get to make hay about Barack Obama being Not Born Here when your candidate was born in fucking Panama, naval base or not.

  90. 90
    MBL says:

    Samwise: Pull your head out of your ass, mmkay? I know full and fucking well where McCain was born. It doesn’t change the fact that you don’t get to make hay about Barack Obama being Not Born Here when your candidate was born in fucking Panama, naval base or not.

  91. 91
    Cris says:

    Adam Says:
    Really, I wish Kos didn’t indulge this idiocy.

    I wish the idiocy wasn’t there to indulge, but as long as it’s there, I’m glad that volunteer surrogates with a wide readership and no formal connection to the campaign are doing the debunking.

  92. 92
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    Sadly, No! At least not the Republic of Panama. John Sidney McCain was born in a Naval hospital in the Panama Canal Zone, a U.S. territory from 1904 to 1979.

    Actually, not quite true. The U.S. leased the area from Panama at the time. It was under U.S. administration, but that’s not the same as being a U.S. territory….any more than Guantanamo is a U.S. territory.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U....._territory

  93. 93
    Joyce says:

    I have my birth certificate and it looks much like Obama’s. When you request a birth certificate, they print one up, put the seal on it and give it to you. It is the official birth DVS certificate. I was born in 1959.

    Really, I wish Kos didn’t indulge this idiocy. Next week they’re going to be demanding a DNA test of Obama’s entire family because how else do we know he’s not an Islamic space invader!? OMG

    I don’t think I will visit their blog site anytime soon. I am trying to convince republican-leaning independents to help us end the war and Kos is not helping me with that.

  94. 94
    Samwise says:

    Actually, not quite true. The U.S. leased the area from Panama at the time. It was under U.S. administration, but that’s not the same as being a U.S. territory….any more than Guantanamo is a U.S. territory.

    In response, not quite true ;).

    The treaty with Panama granted the U.S. rights to the Canal Zone “in perpetuity” (Article 2) and gives the U.S. functional “sovereignty”

    Article 3: The Republic of Panama grants to the United States all the rights, power and authority within the zone mentioned and described in Article II of this agreement, and within the limits of all auxiliary lands and waters mentioned and described in said Article II which the United States would possess and exercise, if it were the sovereign of the territory within which said lands and waters are located to the entire exclusion of the exercise by the Republic of Panama of any such sovereign rights, power or authority.

    The agreement with Cuba on the other hand, specifies that Gunatanamo is leased to the U.S. for an unspecified period of time (Art. 1) and that the U.S. “shall exercise complete jurisdiction and control over and within said areas” (Art. 3)

    Or, if you prefer Wikipedia as the authoritative source, click
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.....ted_States
    and scroll down to Former unincorporated territories of the United States.

  95. 95
    lou says:

    Are they really THAT dumb?? Have they NEVER had a Birth Certificate issued in their adult lifetimes?

    I think it’s telling that they’ve never apparently applied for a passport in their lives. Or as Ted said, had their wives do the dirty work.

    But if they haven’t had to apply for a passport, I’m looking forward to just laughing and laughing and laughing when they have to provide a birth certificate to get a driver’s license, per the new Homeland Security rules, or to vote in certain states.

  96. 96
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    I don’t think I will visit their blog site anytime soon. I am trying to convince republican-leaning independents to help us end the war and Kos is not helping me with that.

    Joyce,

    I’m curious, what blog sites are helping you with that? I have similar chores to attend to, so if you can pass along any good sites you know that would appeal to R-leaners, I would appreciate it.

    Apart from Balloon-Juice, that is ;->

  97. 97
    FS says:

    This is in response to the laser printing critique of the certification.

    Go to the Kos page, click on the document and click a second time to magnify the image. Scroll to the bottom of the magnified image, find the words “fact of birth” and look above that a few inches. You’ll see some bleed-through of blue ink from the back side of the document.

    I’m pretty sure that the state of Hawaii owned laser printers on “JUN – 6 2007”.

  98. 98
    tas says:

    The most unbelievable part of that Suitably Flip post:

    But while the summary certification disproves the Geraghty speculations, it says nothing about what I previously offered as a more plausible scenario – namely, that the full-length document might indicate Obama’s parents were avowedly unmarried at the time of his birth (which would contradict Obama lore that they were in good faith married, but only later dissolved the marriage upon the revelation that Obama Sr. had never divorced his first wife in Kenya).

    Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? We have a crumbling economy and a war in Iraq, and the wingnuts are concerned about whether or not Obama’s parents were happy when he was born? There is apparently no low for these jackassses.

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