School Safety

By way of introduction, Wayne Dolcefino is Houston’s scoop investigative journalist, sort of our city’s version of Carl Monday. He does also expose city corruption frequently, something for which I think he does deserve credit.

In this particular expose, he confronts the founder of Parkway Christian School, which boasts “a program based on Christian character, morals, values and integrity” on its website. Lavern Jordan is outside a La Quinta hotel, rendezvousing with the mother of a girl who wants to enroll her daughter in the academy.

Jordan: “For the uh, enrollment fee and stuff like that, maybe you and I can do something, you think?”

Mother: “Yeah, what, I mean what, what, you gonna wipe out all the fees?”

Jordan: “All the enrollment fees.”

Mother: “All the enrollment fees?”

Jordan: “Three hundred dollars.”

Mother: “So you gonna wipe everything if me and you get together?”

Jordan: “The enrollment fee, yeah.”

Mother: “Ok.”

Jordan: “If you and I get together.”

Mother: “What you mean? I mean, what?

Jordan: “Excuse me and I don’t mean to be so blunt but I am talking about f—— you.”

Mother: “You talking about what?”

Jordan: “F—— you.”

Explain to me again why we need private school vouchers to escape the cesspools our centers of public education have become?

And the school responds:

The school’s office is closed on Fridays, but a public statement regarding the KTRK story was posted on the school’s site that challenges Dolcefino’s “story” for taking bits out of context and not offering Jordan’s wife an interview.

“Mr. Jordan’s apology for his inappropriate language and his asking for forgiveness, along with his refusal to take part in any further actions with this woman was not aired,” according to the statement, which also distanced the school from LeVern Jordan. “He is no longer affiliated in any way with Parkway Christian School.”

“The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong action,” the statement said.






50 replies
  1. 1
    scarshapedstar says:

    Because religious people are the best people!

  2. 2
    ploeg says:

    “The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong action,” the statement said.

    Does that mean that Mr. Jordan can have his job back?

  3. 3
    Echo without Bunnies or Men says:

    ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

  4. 4
    sidereal says:

    The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace

    unless you’re an abortionist, a hippy, a peacenik, a pagan, or a latte drinker. In which case, fuck you.

  5. 5
    dbrown says:

    This is the Christianity as practiced ‘the American way’ – what a joke organized religion is in this country – we claim to be Christian and then murder 100’s of thousands in a war of vengeance and continue to claim we believe in god- these hypocrites had better pray that there is no god because if there is, they’d be the first that Christ would condemn.

  6. 6
    Ted says:

    “The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong action,” the statement said.

    The christian frauds always forgive their own. Then turn around and continue demonizing people.

    Anyway, I wonder if this guy got the idea from the movie Forrest Gump, though that was about waiving the IQ requirement.

  7. 7
    Ted says:

    Echo without Bunnies or Men Says:

    ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    That was a good drunk Welles impression.

  8. 8
    jrg says:

    The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong action.

    ABC news and the parent should be apologizing to Parkway Christian School founder Reverend Doctor Lavern Jordan. Mr. Jordan was already planning to get straight with God right after he got a little chocolate nookie, so it would have only been a crime for three minutes, tops.

    That’s what God does for Christian Patriots like Mr. Jordan – he forgives. Everyone knows this. That’s why it’s beating a dead horse to tell people about Mr. Jordan’s efforts at coercing sex. God already knows about it and forgave him, so there’s no need to get the media involved.

    Everyone needs to take a step back and ask Mr. Jordan’s forgiveness. Remember, God speaks though this guy, so we’d better be nice to him.

  9. 9
    Silver Owl says:

    That is mighty big of the school staff to forgive Jordan so quickly. I’m guessing it was not any of them that he wanted to fuck and use blackmail on to keep their jobs nor keep their kids in the school.

  10. 10
    Dennis - SGMM says:

    Hmmm, I wonder if Jordan is bitter yet.

  11. 11
    4tehlulz says:

    >>This is the Christianity as practiced ‘the American way’ –

    SPOILER: Christianity has been doing this since Day 1.

  12. 12
    Nathan says:

    Mr. Jordan’s apology for his inappropriate language…

    Yeah, because the real problem here was “inappropriate language”. I can’t imagine there would have been a problem if only Jordan said he wanted to make love.

  13. 13
    Svensker says:

    4tehlulz Says:

    >>This is the Christianity as practiced ‘the American way’ –

    SPOILER: Christianity Humanity has been doing this since Day 1.

    Fixed.

  14. 14
    Incertus says:

    I first read this over at Pandagon, and as I said there, I was actually surprised and a little relieved that this guy was hitting up the student’s mom instead of the student. Would anyone have been surprised if it had been the latter?

  15. 15
    Joe Max says:

    …challenges Dolcefino’s “story” for taking bits out of context…

    Excuse me, but how do you take “Excuse me and I don’t mean to be so blunt but I am talking about fucking you” out of context? Is there some other context for “we can go and we can do some titty play” other than, you know, titty play?

    Translation: when they say “we are all sinners saved by Grace”, what they really mean is “the devil made me do it.”

    With these people, it’s always someone else’s fault.

  16. 16
    cbear says:

    “we can go and we can do some titty play”

    Oh sure.
    It always starts out so innocently with these goopers—just a little “titty play”, then it’s just a little “dress-up play”, and before you know it you’re in some lonely motel room, hogtied, dildoized, and ready for scuba.
    That’s when Lieberman, Graham, and McConnell walk in the room—-and it gets truly ugly.

  17. 17
    mikefromtexas says:

    Grew up watching Marvin Zindler bust people, but he never came close to this.

  18. 18
    jrg says:

    With these people, it’s always someone else’s fault.

    In other news, if heathens were not screwing like the future of the human race depended on it, none of the people that swear celibacy would have sexual repression issues.

  19. 19
    PeterJ says:

    Mr. Jordan’s apology for his inappropriate language and his asking for forgiveness, along with his refusal to take part in any further actions with this woman was not aired,

    If anyone actually believes that, then I got a bridge to sell.

  20. 20
    Martin says:

    Translation: when they say “we are all sinners saved by Grace”, what they really mean is “the devil made me do it.”

    Actually, I think they mean that Grace will put out for free eliminating the need to hit up parents for favors. Thank God for sluts.

  21. 21
    JGabriel says:

    The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong actions.

    Yeah, but did they offer to give the girl an education and waive the fee? You’d figure that’s the least they could do after Jordan propositioned her like she was a whore. A cheap whore – I mean, *several* times for $300? Jeebus.

    Of course, maybe the mom doesn’t want her daughter attending that school anymore. Might have decided that school had taught them everything they could learn from it.

    As for Jordan… I wonder how he’s explaining this to his wife and sundry others. Can’t be anyone thinking he just happened to get caught the very first time he tried this.

    .

  22. 22
    Delia says:

    As for Jordan… I wonder how he’s explaining this to his wife and sundry others. Can’t be anyone thinking he just happened to get caught the very first time he tried this.

    Well, that’s a good question. Seeing as Mr. Jordan doesn’t have a really big, important job, like Governor, Senator, or Preznit, I just have a feeling that this line about we’re all sinners saved by Grace just might not cut it with Mrs. Jordan, especially if he’s tried it several times previously. At the very least, I expect she’ll make him pay like hell for this here Grace.

  23. 23
    Keith says:

    Houston corruption’s da best!

  24. 24
    p.a. says:

    uncredited, something I read on the web (wish to hell I had said it): ‘When I was a child I prayed for a new bike. But God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.”

    I mean c’mon, he’s asked for forgiveness. It’s not like he’s a Muslim, atheist or something…

  25. 25
    Calouste says:

    “The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong action,” the statement said.

    Another fine example of Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free “Christianity”.

  26. 26
    D-Chance. says:

    They should have put Richard Quest on the assignment. He’ll bring the meth, testicle chain, and sex toy. And he’ll even break curfew, if the job is right… thank God he’s with the “serious” news network.

  27. 27
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    I was raised a Roman Catholic (altar boy, catholic school and the whole nine yards), and I left that religion at 14. Same with my Mom and six other siblings (large Catholic family…lol). I have only looked back to reflect on why my religion was flawed. One fatal flaw in the practice of Catholicism is that there is no accountability other than to the church. If they are happy, then you are happy.

    Get in trouble? Toss some big cash to the church, say you were swayed by the devil, that you have seen the light and toss in some Hail Marys and Our Fathers for good effect. Kill someone? No problem! Just see the light! Rob someone? Just see the light! Rape someone? You know what to do… ;)

    I hated confession. I had to make shit up so the Father would not ream me about thinking I was perfect and without sin. When I first started confession, I really had nothing to ‘report’ in the way of sins. I was a good kid who stayed out of trouble, loved to read books, was an A student, played guitar and trumpet and all that other goodie-goodie two-shoes crap…lol

    The only time you get tossed out of the church is when you have pissed them off or they need to ditch you to get the heat from their membership off of them. The lessons of the bible and the way so-called Christians interpret them are polar opposites.

    Turn the other cheek, but if you think someone is going to attack you then attack and kill them first, then ask for forgiveness. Oh, and make sure you invoke the name of god before sending the troops out to kill or be killed! We all know how that works out. Both sides invoke their god (even if it is the same one), and whoever wins can say that god was on their side. The side of ‘right’!

    There are truly good people that are involved in religion, I have met many throughout my life and I regard them very highly. People who don’t have a mean bone in their bodies, who accept everyone for who they are, just like the bible says we should. They are the ones who are truly let down by the shortcomings of their church or its leaders. I am not disparaging the people who honestly believe, nor the ones who honestly lead and are good people.

    I am only pointing out that churches are loaded with plenty of opportunistic, greedy, lecherous, sinning assholes who are only there for the power and glory of the position itself and what they can get out of it. Why do we see stuff like this happening over and over again?

    Because christianity has the ‘get out of jail free’ option, and corrupt people will abuse that for their own benefit. This will never change because the church needs that option open so people who sin can be forgiven, stay in the church and still give $$$ and clout (membership) to the church.

    There is a reason the priest scandal took so long to come to light. Religion has always held itself to be above everything else in society. It took a society that is throwing off the bonds of religion to shed light on this abuse. Even then it was dragged out for years because of the reluctance of the church to admit how deep the problem was.

    So this guy saw the error in his ways and has been forgiven? I hope he goes on to screw the people in his church over, maybe he will even walk away with some of their cash as an added bonus!

    I used to co-manage an apartment complex with a Mormon family, and my wife and I were screwed over by them. They ran off with the rents and they had told the owner that I had been collecting the rents. Well, I had. But that month he resumed collecting the rents because he told me that the owner was not happy with the late collections and that I was not being firm enough with the renters.

    Two weeks later, they skipped town with the loot. Not only that, but he drained his car wash/lube business and left his employees high and dry, plus they ripped off a few church members on the investment in the place. Next thing I know, the cops are at my door demanding answers. The tenants backed me up on the change in rent collections and the cops went after him.

    The owner brought another manager in and we lost our positions because she blamed us for not telling her he was leaving (we did not know!), so we moved out. It was later learned that he had two other ‘wives’ and five kids from them, but the owner died the month after we moved from the apartments and we do not know if he was ever found.

    Yup, religion is made to be abused. Any surprise that it is? Sorry so long, but this is a sore topic with me. Holier-than-thou types piss me off because invariably there is a scumbag hiding behind that veneer of religion.

    Be good to others and do well in your life. If that is not good enough for god then I don’t want to have anything to do with him/her/it/whatever.

  28. 28
    jake says:

    “The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong action,” the statement said.

    Yeah! It was just a little prostitution. It’s not like he was wearing a wetsuit and had a dildo stuck up his ass or anything. Why’re people sooo meeean?

    I was actually surprised and a little relieved that this guy was hitting up the student’s mom instead of the student. Would anyone have been surprised if it had been the latter?

    No shit. I’ll be surprised if we don’t hear Mr. Jordan Rivers fixed grades in exchange for nookie.

  29. 29
    The Other Steve says:

    Oh come on. What’s wrong with this?

    At least the woman was of age. It’s not like he was going after the kids in school.

    /snark

  30. 30
    Eural Joiner says:

    these hypocrites had better pray that there is no god because if there is, they’d be the first that Christ would condemn.

    Uh, he already did. If you go back and actually read the New Testament (something avoided by most devout evangelicals these days) Jesus was explicitly critical of the exact same political-pushing, hypocritical, wealth and status oriented religious types in his day. He would weep to see what is parroted by most Christian “leaders” and politicians in the media concerning his beliefs and teachings.

  31. 31
    MC 900 Ft. Jesus says:

    That does it. I’m changing his Viagra into Ex-Lax.

  32. 32
    Splitting Image says:

    “Uh, he already did. If you go back and actually read the New Testament (something avoided by most devout evangelicals these days) Jesus was explicitly critical of the exact same political-pushing, hypocritical, wealth and status oriented religious types in his day. He would weep to see what is parroted by most Christian “leaders” and politicians in the media concerning his beliefs and teachings.”

    Word.

    Even Nietzsche had some praise for Jesus on that. The few people who have followed him in that regard have mostly been ridiculed by people who see all the advantages they can get from learning the talking points and being one of the boys.

    Off-topic, I got nailed by a missionary from San Francisco on the bus the other day who got on after I did and sat down next to me. She looked so stupidly happy that she seemed right out of 1968. It is a testament to how consumed I am with the election that my first thought was to ask her if she was an out of touch elitist.

    I live a short distance from both a Mormon temple and a Jehovah’s Witness hall, so I’m used to being approached by missionaries, usually men working in pairs.

    My second thought was that apparently if you need to do the work of two men more efficiently, hire one woman. The Church does.

  33. 33
    MBL says:

    Wait, he’s a pastor and he’s STRAIGHT?

    I don’t get it.

  34. 34
    Mr Furious says:

    Glad to see Carl Monday expand his internet empire beyond Deadspin.com…

  35. 35
    Tim Fuller says:

    Everyone here seems to be missing the point.

    This girl was hoping to get into the Xtian School so she could get some kind of make believe diploma because she couldn’t pass the regular courses. She had been ‘expelled’ so to speak, but I doubt she’d know the difference between ID and Evo, or probably even what you were talking about.

    With enough social advancement we get these idiots starring in the justice department running the country further into the ground. (ref/Monica Goodling as well as Rachel Paulose)

    Enjoy.

  36. 36
    jenniebee says:

    Thanks, Tim – I was going to say, isn’t anybody else concerned that this group is using religious education as a cover for a diploma mill?

    It’s not as titillating as catching a hypocrite asking for sex, but could somebody please call whatever Texas agency handles their high school accreditation and ask them if they know about this? kthxbai

  37. 37
    Cain says:

    I was reading this book on Hindu philosophy (I’m a hindu), and it has an interesting take on morality. Now remember, Indian society and the religion and the philosophy are sometimes mutually exclusive. Most religion tell you, “you gotta be good, love your fellow man, etc etc”

    Hindu philosophy or Vendanta does something else. Basically, they say do whatever you want, there are no taboos. We have a recipe, we don’t claim it’s the only recipe, but we found it works. There may be other solutions. If you’re connected to Brahman (the overall conscience, all the Hindu gods represent aspects of Brahman) then you’re going to do the right thing. So if you’re connected to the one-ness/the force, whatever, then you don’t actually need rules. I found that pretty interesting.

    I’m a non-practicing Hindu, I hate organized religion of any type including my own. I cannot turn off my brain and follow someone or lose myself in devotional songs or rapture or whatever it is. Faith should be a very private practice between yourself and your God.

    But I find Hindu philosophy absolutely fascinating. It’s very very liberal which is a counterpoint to the very conservative society of India.

    I also find Budhhism fascinating as well. In general, I don’t find the Judeo-Christian world to be particularly enlightening due to the existence of an external God which makes the religion easily corruptable. While Hinduism suffers some of the same thing it’s mostly because our human nature tends to make us sheep; we are pack animals and not due to the religion. Buddhism, same thing. But I find the asian religions to be lot easier than the Judeo-Christian-Islam world.

    Anyways, second glass of wine tonight. :-) I don’t have the source of where that was said, it’s around here somewhere, if I find it I will post it.

    You can find some stuff on Brahman here Be warned it’s full of technical jargon. I’m not sure even I understand it. :-) Probably why Hindusim includes a “dumbass” track that says “follow these rules, don’t question”

    cain

  38. 38
    Splitting Image says:

    “Thanks, Tim – I was going to say, isn’t anybody else concerned that this group is using religious education as a cover for a diploma mill?”

    Concerned, but not terribly surprised. If you look at the “pastors” that wingnut divinity schools turn out, this sort of thing was bound to happen.

    It is an educational scandal though.

    Same thing happened here in Ontario. The Conservative government announced a “tough new curriculum” which had a single purpose of making every public school look bad for not doing well on the tests they gave.

    Then they tried to introduce vouchers for private schools, for whom the curriculum was of course not so binding. Voters here threw them out on their bony asses.

  39. 39
    Nancy Irving says:

    “his refusal to take part in any further actions with this woman” —

    …AFTER he finds out it’s a sting, LOL…

  40. 40
    numbskull says:

    Here’s an obvious question:

    How did the news people know to set up the situation? Is it that this has happened before? Had someone complained to authorities with nothing being done, and so went to the TV people?

    Enquiring minds want to know…

  41. 41
    Alex Scott says:

    Are we sure this is Texas and not Florida? Because without the context, I would have sworn this was a scene right out of a Carl Hiaasen novel.

  42. 42
    louisms says:

    Yeah, Hiaason coulda written this. Even the slimeball’s name, Lavern Jordan, sounds like a Hiaason character.

    Organized religion seems to be the refuge of choice for a certain breed of lowlifes. They can hide their evil both from themselves and others by donning the cloak of sanctimony. I wonder, can they rationalize their behavior or assume that the occasional brief prayer of repentance will make them good with God, or do they even really believe in what they preach? I’d think a fear of hell would restrain them if they actually believed in divine punishment.
    I’m an atheist, but I sometimes wish there were a God-it’d be nice to know that creatures like this were doomed to burn in the hottest circle of hell for using Jesus as a smokescreen for their reprehensible behavior.

  43. 43

    The irony is absolutely satiating.

    But it is Texas, after all.

  44. 44

    Explain to me again why we need private school vouchers to escape the cesspools our centers of public education have become?

    So that poor mothers wont have to prostitute themselves to get their kids an education?

  45. 45
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Great post, Conservatively Liberal.

    Also, while the fact that this school is using religion as a cover for being a diploma mill is not exactly shocking news, it is worth pursuing the next time wingnuts start demanding their alterna-education be put on equal (or greater, because it’s oh-so-“moral”) footing with actual education.

  46. 46
    MC 900 Ft. Jesus says:

    Off-topic, I got nailed by a missionary from San Francisco on the bus the other day

    You too, huh? Boy that sucks.

    Yea verily, thou shalt give religious fanatics a wide berth. And Romans. Don’t talk to me about Romans.

  47. 47
    Kyle says:

    Another example of how all Christians are oh-so-superior to us evil nonbelievers. That’s why they won’t vote for a Preznit who isn’t bombastic about his fundamentalist Xtianity, or at least gives lip service to religious bigots, like the Chimp.

  48. 48
    r€nato says:

    “The Parkway Christian School staff wants to remind you that we are all sinners saved by Grace, and we have forgiven Mr. Jordan for his wrong action,” the statement said.

    unless you’re an abortionist, a hippy, a peacenik, a pagan, or a latte drinker. In which case, fuck you.

    Bill Clinton, as well, can go fuck himself.

  49. 49

    Organized religion seems to be the refuge of choice for a certain breed of lowlifes. They can hide their evil both from themselves and others by donning the cloak of sanctimony. I wonder, can they rationalize their behavior or assume that the occasional brief prayer of repentance will make them good with God, or do they even really believe in what they preach? I’d think a fear of hell would restrain them if they actually believed in divine punishment.

    Yeah, that’s the way Jesus felt about it, too. He went on this extended rant against “scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites,” that almost seems like it was directed, specifically, at Jerry Falwell.

    Christianity went wrong the day St. Paul decided to join it. Christian theology was better off when assholes like him were martyring Christians, instead of telling them not to vote for pro-choice candidates.

  50. 50
    MNPundit says:

    They seem to have focused only on the angle of sex, rather then on the misuse of his position. Trading FAVORS for sex.

Comments are closed.