April Fools

This one from AAAS is especially cruel.

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Struggling to put his presidency in a favorable historical light, U.S. President George W. Bush has announced a dramatic shift in his attitude toward science. “Critics have accused my Administration of ignoring scientific advice and even of twisting science to suit its own political agenda,” Bush said at a speech today at the National Center for Biochemical Medicine here. “Today, I say to those in the scientific community: ‘Let’s be friends.’ ”

As a gesture of reconciliation, Bush offered a $10 billion boost to the National Institutes of Health. That is a marked change from November, when he vetoed a spending bill that would have added more than $1 billion to the institute’s budget, calling it fiscally irresponsible (ScienceNOW, 13 November 2007). “It turns out, the only thing that was irresponsible was my belief that scientific advances could be made on a shoestring,” Bush told reporters today.

[…] In a final concession, Bush promised to be a better steward of the planet. “I haven’t always been clear about the threat global warming poses,” he said. “In retrospect, having oil industry lobbyists edit our climate reports was probably a bad idea.” [if you haven’t gotten the joke by now… -ed.] He also admitted that initiatives such as “Healthy Forests” and “Clear Skies” had led to excess logging and air pollution, respectively. To make amends, he has appointed former rival and Nobel laureate Al Gore to head his new conservation initiative, which calls for mandatory cuts on greenhouse gas emissions and rigorous protection for species classified as threatened or endangered.

Ha ha. Sob.






7 replies
  1. 1
    smiley says:

    If only…

  2. 2
    jake says:

    I knew this was a joke when I saw the words “Dramatic shift in attitude” within 10 yards of “President George W. Bush.”

  3. 3
    Neal says:

    I knew this was a joke when I saw the words “Dramatic shift in attitude” within 10 yards of “President George W. Bush.”

    Damn it, Jake, the man is firm in his beliefs! A strong leader I tell you! He’ll believe what he believes today a year from now, no matter what happens between now and then…
    Ugh…

  4. 4
    The Other Steve says:

    As a gesture of reconciliation, Bush offered a $10 billion boost to the National Institutes of Health.

    This is why Bush has been such a fucking disaster. Every time he fucks up, every time he does the wrong thing, he thinks he can buy his way out of the problem. And you wonder why we’re over $9 trillion in debt?

    Spoiled little rich brat.

  5. 5
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    When a ‘joke’ sounds that good, you know it really sucks for us.

  6. 6
    Mortimer says:

    Posting this was just plain mean…

  7. 7
    Evinfuilt says:

    Well that just about ruins my day…

    /sob

Comments are closed.