Another Day in Paradise

Michael Goldfarb, yesterday at the Weekly Standard:

Watch the tape for yourself–no one but an apologist for the Iranian regime could possibly claim that the boats shown were not acting in a threatening and reckless manner. And Majd has absolutely no evidence on which to base his accusation that the Pentagon manufactured or concocted any of this.

The Navy today:

Just two days after the U.S. Navy released the eerie video of Iranian speedboats swarming around American warships, which featured a chilling threat in English, the Navy is saying that the voice on the tape could have come from the shore or from another ship.

The near-clash occurred over the weekend in the Strait of Hormuz. On the U.S.-released recording, a voice can be heard saying to the Americans, “I am coming to you. You will explode after a few minutes.”

The Navy never said specifically where the voices came from, but many were left with the impression they had come from the speedboats because of the way the Navy footage was edited.

Queue Monty Python:

The Witch: I’m not a witch I’m not a witch!
Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one
The Witch: *They* dressed me up like this!
Crowd: We didn’t! We didn’t…
The Witch: And this isn’t my nose. It’s a false one.
Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her false nose] Well?
Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose.
Sir Bedevere: The nose?
Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!
Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!
Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?
Peasant 1: No!
Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No!
Peasant 3: No!
Peasant 1: No!
Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No!
Peasant 1: Yes!
Peasant 2: Yes!
Peasant 1: Yeah a bit.
Peasant 3: A bit!
Peasant 1, Peasant 2: A bit!
Peasant 2: a bit
Peasant 1: But she has got a wart!
Random Person in the crowd: *cough* *cough*






94 replies
  1. 1
    IanY77 says:

    Jesus, that man is a tool. He has that Assrocket-esque/Hewitte-sque combination of intellectual dishonesty, faux-patriotism, and arrogance that makes you want to shove his keyboard down his throat.

  2. 2
    r€nato says:

    no one but an apologist for the Iranian regime could possibly claim that the boats shown were not acting in a threatening and reckless manner.

    clearly, no one but an apologist for the Iranian regime could possibly deny that nuking Tehran in retaliation is the appropriate response.

  3. 3
    r€nato says:

    but, you left out the best part!

    “She turned me into a newt!”

    (beat)

    “…I got better…”

  4. 4
    Scotty says:

    The Iranian pea-shooters just wanted to do some cool jumps off the wake of our big ships.

  5. 5
    Jake says:

    Dick Cheney: Rrrr! And I would’ve gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for that meddling story on the GoTonkin!

    Does this mean the 3,000 Marines bound for Afghanistan will go by air rather than rolling through Iraq’s neighbor?

  6. 6
    Bombadil says:

    Does the Iranian Navy consist entirely of Boston Whalers, or do they have anything bigger than that?

  7. 7
    Punchy says:

    Are we to believe that the Navy’s communications guy is so easily fooled such that some joker on a shortwave HAM in Brownsville doing his best Borat can put us on the brink of WWIII?

    So when they intercept my neph on his Fisher-Price walkie-talkie threatening his little sister with “impending doom”, First Captainboatguyperson Johnson thinks he hears Ahmadinejad and releases the launch codes and 15 B-2s over Tehran?

  8. 8
    Mr Furious says:

    Um, I can understand the ships wanting to not be the next USS Cole (no relation), but it doesn’t look like those JetSkis got all that close.

    I’m pretty sure the Iranians were being dicks, and provocative, but the Navy can handle itself.

    Nothing to see here.

  9. 9
    Faux News says:

    Does the Iranian Navy consist entirely of Boston Whalers, or do they have anything bigger than that?

    More like the Hartford Whaler’s hockey team circa 1978.

  10. 10
    ThymeZone says:

    So let me see if I have all this right …. Iran is this big, scary powerful country with near-nukes and a mad desire to blow up everything decent in the world, and so to go after their arch-enemy the United Satan States of America, they send speedboats that look like my neighbor’s ski boat out to zigzag through the water near the ships of the American Navy and scare our crews, and say taunts at them through their Wal Mart walkie talkies?

    All I can say is, if the Cheney Administration is going to try to gin up a war, and this is the best they can do, they are much more inept than I thought.

  11. 11

    Can I just say…

    I don’t think a 30′ SeaDoo with a machine gun mounted ot the front is much of a threat to our Naval fleet. The pictures I saw, these weren’t even PT boats, they were nothing more then SeaDoo’s or something like that.

    In fact, the reports I read were once US Navy uncovered their machine guns and pointed it at these boats, the boats took off.

    Next thing I know, Goldfarb is going to be demanding we attack Tahiti because some guy in a skiff threatened our carrier fleet with his oar.

    We’ve become a nation of cowards. It’s pathetic listening to this little fuck.

  12. 12
    Tim (the other one) says:

    When I heard that voice on the tape last night I immediately thought of Dr. No. Just for the record; those looked like “angry” SeaDoos to me.

  13. 13
    Dave says:

    And all this is different than how the Soviets and US used to run bombers to each others borders…how? Each side would send up fighters to shadow and buzz the bombers, they’d turn around and no one was shot out of the sky.

  14. 14
    Bombadil says:

    More like the Hartford Whaler’s hockey team circa 1978.

    In 1978, they were still the New England Whalers (WHA). They joined the NHL as the Hartford Whalers in 1979.

    Otherwise, yeah, what you said. :)

  15. 15
    Faux News says:

    Sorry Bombadil, my bad! I was thinking about the Hartford Civic Center roof caving in back in ’78.

  16. 16

    Don’t let the Iranians know about the Minneapolis Boat Show!

    They might buy a new fleet of Bass boats, and we’ll be doomed!

  17. 17

    Sorry Bombadil, my bad! I was thinking about the Hartford Civic Center roof caving in back in ‘78.

    Obviously this was caused by the Iranian Navy.

  18. 18
    jrg says:

    That voice on the tape “We are going to explode soon” (or whatever that tool said)… sounded pretty fake to me.

    Assume that the Iranian did have a bomb aboard his little speedboat, and was planning a USS Cole-style attack, would he have announced his intentions over the radio while approaching his intended target? I doubt it.

    Everything about this incident is fishy. Since the Bush admin’s word is about as trustworthy as anything that comes out of Iran, I guess we’ll never know what happened for sure.

    We’ll just have to wait, and watch, as Bush keeps trying out new justifications for another war in the middle east. Hopefully his remaining shams won’t work any better than this one did.

  19. 19
    Zifnab says:

    Does the Iranian Navy consist entirely of Boston Whalers, or do they have anything bigger than that?

    I don’t know. We should check our receipts.

  20. 20
    Jake says:

    no one but an apologist for the Iranian regime could possibly claim that the boats shown were not acting in a threatening and reckless manner.

    Once upon a time, in a country the ancients call “Uh-mar-e-ku,” the Masters With Spines & Dry Pants would have trumpted this story as “Iran Flees U.S. Navy.” The Masters would have mocked Iran’s little bitty boats as they swarmed about the Navy ship like gnats on a mighty elephant hides and then ran like cockroaches. Yes, the rhetoric would have been over the top but it would not have included any suggestion that a the crew of a US Navy ship larger than a row boat, much less an entire country, should be alarmed.

    Alas, we live in the time of Invertebrate Diaper Loads.

  21. 21
    Dave says:

    And the boxes!! Don’t forget the boxes!! It’s Armageddon, I tells ya!!

  22. 22
    Bombadil says:

    Went to see the Whalers play at Boston Garden a few times during my college days. Bruins tickets were impossible to get at the time, so if you wanted to see pro hockey, they were the only available option.

    After I graduated in ’75, went to Maryland to teach. It was great haiving the Capitals in the NHL by then — even though the Caps were awful, you got to see all the other teams in the NHL. Besides, no one knew about hockey then, so you could buy a cheap ticket and move down to an empty seat right behind the glass once the second period started.

  23. 23

    I think we can have the Kazakhstan Navy attack the Iranians from the north by way of the Caspian Sea. All we need to do is get them a fleet of Boston Whalers and some pistols.

  24. 24
    Bombadil says:

    And boy, didn’t I go off topic.

  25. 25

    And the boxes!! Don’t forget the boxes!! It’s Armageddon, I tells ya!!

    Our Navy fears fishing boats emptying their bait buckets!

  26. 26
    Cassidy says:

    Interesting enough, US Carriers have a defense system that can independently track and engage multiple small targets (missles, torpedoes) with the various machine guns mounted down the sides. They were designed with the intent of hundreds of Russian missiles being sent to destroy the carrier.

    Makes you wonder what that system would do to a bunch of little boats.

  27. 27
    myiq2xu says:

    I saw the tape, and I didn’t see any guns, but I kept wondering what happened to the waterskiers?

    I’ve seen a couple of quotes from people of Iranian heritage who said the accent on the tape was not Iranian, but you know how those guys lie.

  28. 28
    Bombadil says:

    I clicked through to Goldfarb’s “expert”, Stuart Koehl, and found this:

    The type of boats used by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps are quite similar to the “cigarette boats” favored by drug smugglers off Florida and the Gulf Coast.

    I guess that explains where the Bush family got their money.

  29. 29
    ThymeZone says:

    All ships at sea use a common UHF frequency, Channel 16, also known as “bridge-to bridge” radio. Over here, near the U.S., and throughout the Mediterranean, Ch. 16 is used pretty professionally, i.e., chatter is limited to shiphandling issues, identifying yourself, telling other ships what your intentions are to avoid mishaps, etc.

    But over in the Gulf, Ch. 16 is like a bad CB radio. Everybody and their brother is on it; chattering away; hurling racial slurs, usually involving Filipinos (lots of Filipinos work in the area); curses involving your mother; 1970’s music broadcast in the wee hours (nothing odder than hearing The Carpenters 50 miles off the coast of Iran at 4 a.m.)

    On Ch. 16, esp. in that section of the Gulf, slurs/threats/chatter/etc. is commonplace. So my first thought was that the “explode” comment might not have even come from one of the Iranian craft, but some loser monitoring the events at a shore facility.

    Stolen from DKos. I think that pretty well wraps a ribbon around this farce.

  30. 30
    Dreggas says:

    ThymeZone Says:

    So let me see if I have all this right …. Iran is this big, scary powerful country with near-nukes and a mad desire to blow up everything decent in the world, and so to go after their arch-enemy the United Satan States of America, they send speedboats that look like my neighbor’s ski boat out to zigzag through the water near the ships of the American Navy and scare our crews, and say taunts at them through their Wal Mart walkie talkies?

    Come back and I shall taunt you a second time!

  31. 31
    capelza says:

    I just told my husband that WWIII was nearly started on channel 16. He’s still laughing his ass off.

  32. 32
    wingnuts to iraq says:

    hey, i got what i wanted! Thanks Mr. Cole!

  33. 33
    Mike W says:

    Was that a water skier I saw?

  34. 34
    Dreggas says:

    Bombadil Says:

    Does the Iranian Navy consist entirely of Boston Whalers, or do they have anything bigger than that?

    We Are the IRANIAN PEOPLE’S FRONT CRACK SUICIDE SQUAD!

  35. 35
    Grand Moff Texan says:

    Watch the tape for yourself—

    I did. It looks like a cheap Iranian knockoff of “Miami Vice.”
    .

  36. 36
    Punchy says:

    Next thing I know, Goldfarb is going to be demanding we attack Tahiti because some guy in a skiff threatened our carrier fleet with his oar.

    This is some funny shit.

  37. 37
    Zifnab says:

    We Are the IRANIAN PEOPLE’S FRONT CRACK SUICIDE SQUAD!

    Are they better or worse than the People’s Front of Iran?

  38. 38
    lucslawyer says:

    Can you say “Gulf of Tonkin”?

  39. 39
    Jake says:

    We Are the IRANIAN PEOPLE’S FRONT CRACK SUICIDE SQUAD!

    Better than the Back Crack Squad.

  40. 40
    Ferd says:

    It is not WWIII.

    It is WW 3.14159 [ad infinitum]

  41. 41
    Caidence (fmr. Chris) says:

    Alas, we live in the time of Invertebrate Diaper Loads.

    lawl. Keep that one going.

  42. 42
    Caidence (fmr. Chris) says:

    You know, when I think of Goldfarb, I actually think:

    Thank god for wingnut welfare.

    If they weren’t wasting most of their time talking, they’d be spending their time doing things. Like, things involving nuclear footballs.

    Whoever thought up and designed wingnut welfare should be given a medal.

  43. 43
    Conservatively Liberal says:

    Better than the Back Crack Squad.

    Yup, those Back Crack Suicide Squads are really nasty. Nothing like having someone go kamikaze on your ass to ruin your day.

    This story is so lame it hurts. I am waiting for reports that the Iranians are farting in our ships direction. Can’t have no Weapons of Ass Destruction in the wrong hands.

    As Duke would say, “Nuke’em!”

  44. 44
    LITBMueller says:

    Helpful hint for the Iranian Navy: when you get your cigarette boats delivered, get rid of the stock blue paint before putting them in service.

    May I suggest a light gray? Try big white numbers on the side to make ’em look official.

    no one but an apologist for the Iranian regime could possibly claim that the boats shown were not acting in a threatening and reckless manner

    Unless you watch the footage with the sound turned off, and play the James Bond Theme instead. Or maybe Miami Vice.

    Jan Hammer RULZ!

  45. 45
    Jim says:

    Ralph Peters has stated that this episode constituted a surrender by the US Navy, and suggested dark consequences indeed. What unmitigated tools these people are.

  46. 46
    Zifnab says:

    Ralph Peters has stated that this episode constituted a surrender by the US Navy, and suggested dark consequences indeed. What unmitigated tools these people are.

    Wait, if we’ve surrendered, does that mean war with Iran stretching back to 1979 is finally over? My god, I only dared hope to see this day.

  47. 47
    Svensker says:

    Next thing I know, Goldfarb is going to be demanding we attack Tahiti because some guy in a skiff threatened our carrier fleet with his oar.

    But it will be a REALLY SCARY oar, just you want ‘n’ see!

    I’m really not understanding these people.

  48. 48
    rawshark says:

    The ‘right’ people believe Iran was provoking us. Coincidently the right people are mocking this for what it really is and that is drivng an even bigger wedge between americans. The plan is working.

  49. 49
    rawshark says:

    I’m not sure that made any sense but it did when it was in my head. You’ll just have to trust me that I have a point.

  50. 50
    capelza says:

    Anyone notice that the potentially suicidal crazy Iranians are wearing life jackets?

  51. 51
    Jake says:

    Nothing like having someone go kamikaze on your ass to ruin your day.

    Maybe that’s what happened to Glenn Beck.

  52. 52
    STEVEinSC says:

    Someone better notify CNN’s Betsy Starr that the early reports were a bit hyperbolic. She was hyperventilating with the SeeDoo story a couple days ago and probably passed out, or maybe she has headed off to the Y2K techie bunkers to wait this one out. Anyway no one seems to have heard from her of late so there is some concern here.

  53. 53
    Jake says:

    Ralph Peters has stated that this episode constituted a surrender by the US Navy, and suggested dark consequences indeed.

    So speaks a dick who makes me wanna puke.

    I wonder how his parents knew.

  54. 54
    Dreggas says:

    capelza Says:

    Anyone notice that the potentially suicidal crazy Iranians are wearing life jackets?

    They were really suicide vests DISGUISED as life jackets. Later today I am sure a winger will be out on a lake (most likely frozen) on a sea-doo (most likely frozen in said lake) with a life jacket (hopefully packed with C-4) to give a demonstration of just how it is possible for a moron to load a life vest with C-4.

  55. 55
    Wilfred says:

    Anyone notice that the potentially suicidal crazy Iranians are wearing life jackets?

    They’re actually Martyrdom Jackets. They’re stuffed with leftover lead parts from the specially Iranian engineered IEDs. It’s like a Surf and Turf thing so that an Iranian can be like a floating mine, only they don’t float so long. I think.

  56. 56
    myiq2xu says:

    I wonder how if his parents knew each other.

    Fixt

  57. 57
    myiq2xu says:

    They’re actually Martyrdom Jackets.

    Fatwa Floatation Devices

  58. 58
    Jay C says:

    Ferd Says:

    It is not WWIII.

    It is WW 3.14159 [ad infinitum]

    Mmmmmm…. I like pi….

    Seriously, though: what is with this Administration? From all the official Pentagon harrumphing about what a heinous “provocation” this incident was, you would think this was one short step from being the Battle of Jutland revisited (well, minus the dreadnoughts of course, and, you know, any actual action ). And yet, when the video gets released (as it almost invariably is, nowadays) we have what? A couple of Iranian assholes in waterski boats zipping around, and some taunts over the ham radio? Wow. Scary.

    Are these people idiots? Do they think WE all are??

    Rhetorical question, never mind….

  59. 59
    myiq2xu says:

    Seriously, though: what is with this Administration? From all the official Pentagon harrumphing about what a heinous “provocation” this incident was, you would think this was one short step from being the Battle of Jutland revisited

    Whaddya expect from a bunch of chickenhawks?

  60. 60
    Tsulagi says:

    Nothing to see here.

    Absolutely nothing.

    It was funny watching a clip of it that included a Fox interview of Sestak, a retired admiral now Dem congressman, for comment.

    First off, there were not nearly enough go-fasts to pull off an attack. Not the number I saw on the video. Sestak was trying to explain to the blonde twit (but she was cute) on Fox who was doing her best toughy impersonation that this happens all the time. That Navy handled it properly.

    But for a while she kept repeating essentially “WHY, WHY WHY CAN’T WE DEFEND OURSELVES!” Translation, the liberals are getting our service members killed. Never mind who’s actually at the top of the chain deciding away when he isn’t farting.

    The only thing different about this was the recorded audio. Sestak tried to explain to her that this over an open radio frequency. But I don’t think she quite grasped that. She was probably thinking there was a phone line between the Iranian boats and our ships that we smartly wiretapped.

  61. 61
    srv says:

    Jan Hammer RULZ!

    Russ Ballards I Hear Voices is more pertinent and even has a speedboat.

  62. 62
    J sub D says:

    Cassidy Says:

    Interesting enough, US Carriers have a defense system that can independently track and engage multiple small targets (missles, torpedoes) with the various machine guns mounted down the sides. They were designed with the intent of hundreds of Russian missiles being sent to destroy the carrier.

    Cassidy, when you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, you should just shut up. BTW, I’m a retired a retired US Navy fire control Master Chief Petty Officer.

  63. 63
    srv says:

    Cassidy, when you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, you should just shut up. BTW, I’m a retired a retired US Navy fire control Master Chief Petty Officer.

    Well, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about (I assume he’s yapping about Phalanx), but the Navy has been working on a counter-speedboat system. I can’t find the link to it, but it was sort of like cross between a mortar and a MLRS. Radar directed and would spray some kind of material over an area.

  64. 64
    Jake says:

    Seriously, though: what is with this Administration? From all the official Pentagon harrumphing about what a heinous “provocation” this incident was, you would think this was one short step from being the Battle of Jutland revisited

    After “Prisoner suicide is asymmetrical warfare” I’m surprised harrumphing has been the only response.

    Just remember, when our soldiers act like 24k dicks, it’s a few rotten apples. When Iranian soldiers act like 24k dicks, they’re acting under the direct orders of Ahamalamadingdong!

  65. 65
    Emma Anne says:

    Our government used to be a lot better at faking up threats . . . before they pissed off the entire CIA.

    I swear that’s why no WMDs ever turned up.

  66. 66
    Zifnab says:

    Our government used to be a lot better at faking up threats . . . before they pissed off the entire CIA.

    I swear that’s why no WMDs ever turned up.

    I thought Rick Santorum found them after he received an anonymous blog tip? Ah, yes. Here they are!

  67. 67
    ImJohnGalt says:

    We Are the IRANIAN PEOPLE’S FRONT CRACK SUICIDE SQUAD!

    SPLITTERS!

  68. 68
    John S. says:

    Ok, seriously.

    My wife and I just watched that video and all we could both say is, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

    What the fuck are speedboats going to do out there to a battleship? I mean come on. There’s a frame in the middle where you can see two of the Iranian ‘naval’ vessels in the shot with one of the US warships and it’s just too ridiculous. If this incident truly terrifies you, please tell me, how do you even sleep at night? Does the rustle in trees sound like an Islamofascist doing recon on your local Wal-Mart?

  69. 69
    tBone says:

    Who didn’t see this coming when the AP story came out? My bullshit detector pegged on this quote:

    “The ships were close enough to shore that the call could have come from a shore station, it could have come from another boat,” said Cdr. Lydia Robertson, the 5th Fleet spokeswoman. “But the call did happen while the small boats were there.”

    And then I thought, briefly, that maybe I was being too cynical. Bush & Co prove me wrong again!

  70. 70
    Jake says:


    But the call did happen while the small boats were there.”

    Jeebus Fuck. Hey, my sister once walked into a coin shop during a hold up. She must be a robber!!

    I’m just surprised she spkswmn called them “small boats” and not “Enemy Vessels,” or “Attackers.”

    Oh well, I’m sure the rest of the planet is having a good laugh at us. Again. First it was the LITE BRITES OF DOOM in Boston and now OMG! BRIGHT BLUE BOATICLES!

  71. 71
    CDB says:

    What the fuck are speedboats going to do out there to a battleship?

    USS Cole? Just saying.

  72. 72
    CDB says:

    “We are intransit in International Waters.” How long is does that “Transit” take? Just saying.

  73. 73
    TenguPhule says:

    They were designed with the intent of hundreds of Russian missiles being sent to destroy the carrier.

    Cassidy, stay out of subjects you obviously know nothing about.

    They don’t nickname carriers ‘floating coffins’ for nothing.

    And there’s a reason why carriers operate in battlegroups with escorts.

  74. 74
    TenguPhule says:

    USS Cole? Just saying.

    Because the Iranians obviously don’t have enough firepower in the area to sink those boats, they must resort to suicide attacks with speedboats?

    Teh Stupid of this incident burns with the fire of a thousand suns.

  75. 75
    John Spragge says:

    For the record: suicide attacks or mine laying by Iranian or other vessels in the Persian/Arabian gulf do pose a nerve-wracking hazard to US Navy crews, and I suspect the crews of US Navy and allied ships generally handle the situation with courage and professionalism.

    I also believe the neo-cons in Washington and the mullahs in Iran have the same problem: policies that haven’t delivered. It appears to me they have hit on the same solution: war, or at least conflict and “security” fever.

    I clicked through to Stuart Koehl’s article, too, and I read this:

    …how long does it take a boat going 40 knots to close 100 meters? About two seconds.

    That got me doing a little mental arithmetic. One meter a second equals 3.6 km/h, and to close 100 meters in two seconds you have to travel at 50 m/sec, or 50 x 3.6 = 180 km/h, or roughly 97 knots. To close one hundred meters at 40 knots, you need five seconds.

  76. 76
    Lupin says:

    The MONTY PYTHON bit that incident reminded me of is that one:

    ARTHUR:
    Well, u– um, can we come up and have a look?

    FRENCH GUARD:
    Of course not! You are English types-a!

    ARTHUR:
    Well, what are you, then?

    FRENCH GUARD:
    I’m French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!

    GALAHAD:
    What are you doing in England?

    FRENCH GUARD:
    Mind your own business!

    ARTHUR:
    If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!

    FRENCH GUARD:
    You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!

    GALAHAD:
    What a strange person.

    ARTHUR:
    Now look here, my good man–

    FRENCH GUARD:
    I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

    GALAHAD:
    Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

    FRENCH GUARD:
    No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

  77. 77
    John S. says:

    USS Cole? Just saying.

    Good, I was waiting for someone to float this turd.

    In the case of the USS Cole, the ship was docked and a small vessel packed with explosives was able to get alongside it and detonate, causing heavy damage.

    Now you want to explain how a) a small speedboat packed with explosives travels at high speeds without detonating or b) pulls alongside a moving battleship undetected while matching speed long enough to cause heavy damge?

    If you can answer either of those with a straight face, then maybe you have a point.

  78. 78
    John S. says:

    To close one hundred meters at 40 knots, you need five seconds.

    And in those five seconds at 40 knots, is it likely a small speedboat packed with explosives is going to reach its target without prematurely detonating?

  79. 79
    Bombadil says:

    John S. Says:

    To close one hundred meters at 40 knots, you need five seconds.

    And in those five seconds at 40 knots, is it likely a small speedboat packed with explosives is going to reach its target without prematurely detonating?

    I’d be more concerned about how a boat doing 40 knots could get within 100 meters without being noticed, challenged, and/or blown out of the water.

  80. 80
    John S. says:

    I’d be more concerned about how a boat doing 40 knots could get within 100 meters without being noticed, challenged, and/or blown out of the water.

    Ah, well that was the second part to my question regarding the absurdity of this situation. And given that we have video of the US warships carefully observing the behavior of those speedboats in that scenario, I’d say it’s pretty unlikely they would get that close.

  81. 81
    srv says:

    Now you want to explain how a) a small speedboat packed with explosives travels at high speeds without detonating or b) pulls alongside a moving battleship undetected while matching speed long enough to cause heavy damge?

    a) What makes you think all explosives are unstable? Me thinks you’ve been watching a lot of movies.

    b) As always, the US Navy is fighting the last war. The Iranian strategy of overwhelming large ships with small ships will work. They’re not stupid. Please give us a detailed explanation of exactly how a frigate armed with cold war weapons is going to stop a 10 suicide Scarabs going 50 knots.

  82. 82
    grandpa john says:

    some things never change. I recall from my Navy days in the early 60’s that we were returning home after a 6 month med deployment and just a few hundred miles off the Va coast our radar picked up what was determined to be a flight of russian bombers in the area. Well someone managed to break radio silence and allow the Ruskies to determine our location and overfly our positions which of course raised the anxiety levels of the top brass and as I recall even made the national news. However what was not significantly mentioned was that when those bombers overflew , each one had a personal close escort of several carrier based ( the Forrestal I think) fighters.
    The upshot of the whole incident to us sailors however was that the brass decided to hold some hastily arranged exercises in maintaining radio and electronic silence, thus causing us to be a day late in making homeport after almost 7 months away.

  83. 83
    pharniel says:

    b) As always, the US Navy is fighting the last war. The Iranian strategy of overwhelming large ships with small ships will work. They’re not stupid. Please give us a detailed explanation of exactly how a frigate armed with cold war weapons is going to stop a 10 suicide Scarabs going 50 knots.

    It’ll be seriously shooting ducks in a barrel.
    small arms fire can sink those things, or at least cripple them, let alone some .50 cal rounds.
    and god forbit you actually hit them with a ‘real’ weapon.

    besides, the tin cans are called tin cans for a reason. it’s noe like we’re going to loose a cruiser or anything. That trick will work precisly once, and after that wil pretty much never work again.

    In the straights the sailors should be far more worried about artillery barrages from onshore, which will do more damage, over a longer period.

    though i can see using the little flys to drive some boats into a mine field.

    but you really would need like fifty fo them.

  84. 84
    John S. says:

    a) What makes you think all explosives are unstable? Me thinks you’ve been watching a lot of movies.

    Fuck man, have you ever been a speedboat going 40 knots? A fucking can of soda becomes a volatile substance, let alone enough explosives to punch out the hull of a warship. What kind of detonator can withstand all that vibration and movement? It just doesn’t seem very realistic.

    Please give us a detailed explanation of exactly how a frigate armed with cold war weapons is going to stop a 10 suicide Scarabs going 50 knots.

    I’m not going to play the ‘prove a negative’ game. So, rather than telling you how a warship can’t stop 10 speedboats, why don’t you tell us all how they are going to destroy a warship. I mean, if you have the expertise on the matter – great. I’d really love to know.

  85. 85
    srv says:

    The Cole nearly broke up.

    It’ll be seriously shooting ducks in a barrel.
    small arms fire can sink those things, or at least cripple them, let alone some .50 cal rounds. and god forbit you actually hit them with a ‘real’ weapon.

    Presumes it’s daytime, steady seas, no counter measures (smoke, etc) and they’re all standing still for John Wayne on the .50 cal. And they’re not trying to dodge artillery fire or Sunburns. I’ll wager the go-fast boats are armored where needed for small arms.

    Given they wet their pants when Guido gets on the frequency, or an Airbus ambles along, we’ll see how they deal with a real kamikaze attack.

  86. 86
    Tsulagi says:

    a) What makes you think all explosives are unstable? Me thinks you’ve been watching a lot of movies.

    Yep.

    b) As always, the US Navy is fighting the last war. The Iranian strategy of overwhelming large ships with small ships will could work.

    Yep. In the Millenium Challenge war games before OIF, OPFOR commander Van Riper “sank” 16 USN ships including a carrier using swarming tactics.

    They’re not stupid.

    Neither is the US Navy. While many of our patriot warriors may be anti-evolution, the US military knows it needs to adapt to survive and win.

  87. 87
    John S. says:

    Well, you guys sure have me convinced. Your excellent use of snark and military acronyms is quite persuasive.

    After reviewing that footage, I’m literally shitting myself in fear over the imminent threat those speedboats posed to those warships.

    I think we should declare war on Iran immediately.

  88. 88
    srv says:

    Neither is the US Navy. While many of our patriot warriors may be anti-evolution, the US military knows it needs to adapt to survive and win.

    That’s why they reset the game when Van Ripper was winning.

    Honestly, our ability to adapt with a new carrier design, new subs, the F-22 and F-35 has me convinced that we’re evolving to the ground (sea?) truth.

  89. 89
    Tsulagi says:

    After reviewing that footage, I’m literally shitting myself in fear over the imminent threat those speedboats posed to those warships.

    If anybody breaks out the Preparation H reviewing that footage, and the audio, they have got to be seriously retarded.

    I especially liked the “you will explode in two minutes” in the audio. What, jihadis now give us a two-minute warning before the half? I could have been floating out there on a little rubber ducky with a handheld VHF and made that call.

    If the audio was synced with the video, you notice the Iranian boats bugging out. They would have heard that threat also. They had already been warned they were in “danger” meaning the decision to fire was already made if they violated the ships’ security perimeter. Do you feel lucky? Do you really want to test that 72-virgin theory today?

    I’m thinking when those Iranian boats heard the two-minute warning they broke the forward stops on their throttle controls and looked for the Preparation H in their medkit.

  90. 90
    John S. says:

    If anybody breaks out the Preparation H reviewing that footage, and the audio, they have got to be seriously retarded.

    Oh, I guess we’re on the same page then.

  91. 91
    CDB says:

    Now you want to explain how a) a small speedboat packed with explosives travels at high speeds without detonating or b) pulls alongside a moving battleship undetected while matching speed long enough to cause heavy damge?

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/.....265390.DTL Van Ripper explained it in a war game from 2002.

    Would you call this a speedboat?

    http://www.irandefence.net/showthread.php?t=8022

  92. 92
    myiq2xu says:

    After reviewing that footage, I’m literally shitting myself in fear over the imminent threat those speedboats posed to those warships.

    If you think that was scary, wait until the Iranians unveil their “Jet-Ski Jihadis”

  93. 93
    Badtux says:

    Van Ripper’s speedboat scenario required “swarming”, not four speedboats. A single speedboat moving at high speed is not capable of carrying sufficient explosives to blow up a modern warship. At most it could put a small hole in the warship. You need *lots* of small holes to sink a modern warship.

    Before you say “U.S.S. Cole”, the Cole was hit by a cargo scow loaded with several tons of explosives, not by a tiny Coast Guard speedboat with a total payload (including people) of 500 pounds. “Small” is relative. Compared to the Cole, the barge that blew a hole in it was small. Compared to the Iranian speedboats in these photos, the barge that blew a hole in the Cole was gigantic.

  94. 94
    John Spragge says:

    Granted, a speedboat attack on a US Navy destroyer or frigate might work. And that “might” can, and probably does, give a lot of US (and Canadian and Brit and other NATO nation) sailors some very bad moments. We won’t know if the Iranian revolutionary guard can come up with a detonator that can withstand a 40-knot charge until they do. Likewise, we don’t know if the Phalanx close-in defence system will actually stop a speedboat until someone tries. And that navies continue to face these uncertainties speaks well of their courage and professionalism.

    I have a simpler point to make. Given the consequences of an actual war on Iran, I would prefer to see the neo-conservative house organ come up with an “expert” on the subject who had actually mastered basic arithmetic.

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