The Coalition Of Permanent Victims Now Victimizing Each Other

In case you haven’t seen it yet, this ought to please John. Honestly, try to write a narrative piled deeper with schadenfreude than these pitched battles within the religious right over who is and isn’t religious right enough.

On the one hand you have Catholic bigot and permanent victim Bill Donahue throwing down with young Earth creationist and anti-gay bigot Mike Huckabee. Donahue knows full well that the old protestant fundie position, which ranks Catholics somewhere between Jews and yard trimmings, never died so much as it went quiet from political necessity. The coalition held so long as it promoted vaguely Christian leaders like Ronnie and George Dubya who lay the Jesus on much thicker in their politics than in their lives (it matters that neither attended any specific church). But when a guy steps forward who isn’t afraid to wear hard-line sectarianism on his sleeve, Catholics like Donahue know full well their place in that hierarchy.

Then you have multiple-choice Mitt Romney’s battle with himself. Does he support religious tests for political office? It depends on the religious test. When it applies to muslims, you bet he does. Affirmative again when the question is whether America should pick leaders out of the the vaguely pan-Christian “people of faith” category that the religious right encompassed for a while. A guy who puts a tagline like “freedom requires faith!” into character-defining speeches is one rum-and-coke away from glossolalia.

Or anyway, so it would seem until someone brings up the LDS church. Then talking about a candidate’s religion is not just wrong but contemptible (and incidentally, death at the polls).

To sum up, judging Muslims, atheists and vaguely Christian “people of faith” is good. Judging Mormons is very, very bad. As with so many other issues Romney is like one body inhabited by two guys. Or just one of the smarmiest, most opportunistic, sucking character vacuums who ever lived.






45 replies
  1. 1
    gypsy howell says:

    A you-tube debate focusing on the more bizarre tenets of each candidate’s religion would really really be worth watching.

  2. 2
    LiberalTarian says:

    She beaned him! She beaned him with her bible!!

  3. 3
    dslak says:

    Finally, all those years of studying the theology of American cults and sects will finally pay off with humor!

  4. 4
    grumpy realist says:

    I remember a commentator saying that the Republican primary was starting to remind him of the Council of Trent….

    Pass the popcorn. With some luck, we can get the rest of the country so sick of any politician spouting religion that the whole population can be relegated to the wastebasket….

  5. 5
    Zifnab says:

    Judging Mormons is very, very bad. As with so many other issues Romney is like one body inhabited by two guys. Or just one of the smarmiest, most opportunistic, sucking character vacuums who ever lived.

    The politico in me knows its the latter, but the sci-fi geek in me still secretly has his fingers crossed that Romney is actually two pod-people sharing one body in a ham-fisted attempt to take control of America and then the world.

    I really do enjoy Donohue going after Huckabee for being too Christian. If anyone watching that interview didn’t have their heads explode on the spot, I contend that Fox & Friends viewers may not have brains to begin with.

  6. 6
    dslak says:

    One reason to like Mormonism: It gave us “Battlestar Galactica.”

    One reason to dislike Mormonism: It gave us “Battlestar Galactica.”

  7. 7
    Dreggas says:

    The politico in me knows its the latter, but the sci-fi geek in me still secretly has his fingers crossed that Romney is actually two pod-people sharing one body in a ham-fisted attempt to take control of America and then the world.

    Yes but is the other part sharing his head Steve Martin or Lilly Tomlin?

  8. 8
    Punchy says:

    dslak Says:

    One reason to like Mormonism: It gave us “Battlestar Galactica.”

    One reason to dislike Mormonism: It gave us “Battlestar Galactica.”

    Krista just mooned you, gave you the finger, and put a hex on your first-born.

    Personally, I’m waiting to see the Level Of Batshit Crazy that Guliani pulls out of his Bag of Nasty Tricks when he starts to get crushed in the primaries. More than any other candidate, I expect his level of insipidness and peer excoriation to reach leavels never seen before.

    Too lazy to actually pop the corn, so pass the Corn Nuts.

  9. 9
    dslak says:

    Krista just mooned you, gave you the finger, and put a hex on your first-born.

    Behavior like that will keep you from reaching Kolob.

  10. 10
    Jake says:

    I’m officially sick of the Perpetual Parade of Oppressed Xtians. Can’t we just lock these dipshits in a room with some 2x4s, long nails and mallets and leave them to it?

  11. 11
    Krista says:

    Krista just mooned you, gave you the finger, and put a hex on your first-born.

    No mooning. He’s not lucky enough to see my bum.

    dslak Says:

    One reason to like Mormonism: It gave us “Battlestar Galactica.”

    One reason to dislike Mormonism: It gave us “Battlestar Galactica.”

    I will await your further explanation before deciding upon my reaction, as your statement is rather ambiguous.

  12. 12
    Cassidy says:

    Well, look at the bright side. The culture warriors are turning on themselves, and the rest of us just need to avoid the splatter.

  13. 13
    Tsulagi says:

    As with so many other issues Romney is like one body inhabited by two guys. Or just one of the smarmiest, most opportunistic, sucking character vacuums who ever lived.

    Let’s see, for a guy who listed the Bible as his most favorite book, I think I’m going with the second option. Didn’t care much for the Book of Mormon, Mitt?

    It is funny watching Windvane Mitt trying to dance with the Bible humpers.

  14. 14
    Dug Jay says:

    More on the breaking National Enquirer story on John Edwards:

    WASHINGTON (AP) – Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards said Tuesday that he had sex with a campaign staffer to learn more about dating and relationships and their connection to poverty in the United States.

    Edwards won’t disclose how many times he had sex with Rielle Hunter, or if she is the only one with whom he has had sex. Edwards also declined to comment on the question of whether he has only had sex with women.

    “It was primarily to learn, but the sex was a good thing, too,” the 2004 vice presidential nominee said in an interview with The Associated Press.

  15. 15
    r€nato says:

    Demolishing the wall between church and state – what could possibly go wrong?

    More on the breaking National Enquirer story on John Edwards:

    I know Republicans are desperate to nail a Democrat – any Democrat – with a sleazy sexual shenanigans scandal that will match those of Giuliani, Craig, Foley, that McCain campaign co-chair in Florida, that GOP state senator in Washington state… but can’t you do any better than a National Enquirer story?

  16. 16
    Elvis Elvisberg says:

    I don’t agree with your categorizing Bill Donohue as a “Catholic bigot.”

    He’s a partisan, establishment Republican first and foremost. The board of the Catholic League is filled with similar D’Souzas and O’Beirnes. Funny, but you don’t see them say much about poverty or the death penalty, two issues that the institutional Church is very, very concerned about.

    The organization is only called the “Catholic” League because it allows Donohue to squeal bias. But it’s about as Catholic as the NRA. It’s not accurate to identify it as a religious group.

  17. 17
    Tsulagi says:

    More on the breaking National Enquirer story on John Edwards:

    National Enquirer is really getting old. Not keeping up; it’s showing. What the public really craves to know is whether they had sex on his countertops or hers. Or both. And when on his, did they generate enough heat to warm up the marble. I’m going with Edwards wouldn’t have anything less than marble countertops. Citizen Journo patriots can confirm.

  18. 18
    Dreggas says:

    I know Republicans are desperate to nail a Democrat – any Democrat – with a sleazy sexual shenanigans scandal that will match those of Giuliani, Craig, Foley, that McCain campaign co-chair in Florida, that GOP state senator in Washington state… but can’t you do any better than a National Enquirer story?

    Actually a lot of the mouth breathers get their news from the Nat’l Enquirer, it’s a trusted source of information for them kinda like Fox News…and it’s just as fake.

  19. 19
    STEVEinSC says:

    To sum up the current state of the religious wing of the Republic Party: They have gotten to the point of trying to decide who has the ONE TRUE Religion and who (again) are teh heretics. Sort of “Everyone’s queer but thee and me and sometimes I wonder about thee.” Take a seat and enjoy the show.

  20. 20
    Dug Jay says:

    Josh:

    Actually a lot of the mouth breathers get their news from the Nat’l Enquirer

    And many of the Lug Nuts on the loony left are still wedded to the messages found in The Nation, al Jazeera, and less reputable places such as Kos.

  21. 21
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    This Jesus-freak infighting is actually making me like Christmas a little bit.

  22. 22
    Grand Moff Texan says:

    Actually a lot of the mouth breathers get their news from the Nat’l Enquirer, it’s a trusted source of information for them kinda like Fox News

    Um, they are actually quite closely related organizations. Most of FOX News’ writers in the beginning were brought straight over from the National Enquirer, and at the time of O’Reilly’s suit against Franken, they still had the same legal team as the tabloid.

    They’re the same, pulling the same tricks on the same hicks for decades. Stupid people are easy to rip off, go figure.
    .

  23. 23
    Grand Moff Texan says:

    This Jesus-freak infighting is actually making me like Christmas a little bit.

    Personally, I can’t wait for St. Bartholomew’s Day.
    .

  24. 24
    dlw32 says:

    A guy who puts a tagline like “freedom requires faith!” into character-defining speeches is one rum-and-coke away from glossolalia.

    Actually the quote is “Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom.” which is much, much worse.

    Jake, I sympathize. As a Christian myself, I’m more than “officially sick of the Perpetual Parade of Oppressed Xtians”. Guys, when they’re feeding you to the lions then you’re oppressed. People wishing you well but not phrasing it with the exact syntax you prefer — not oppression.

  25. 25
    tBone says:

    dslak Says:

    One reason to like Mormonism: It gave us the show that inspired the new “Battlestar Galactica.”

    One reason to dislike Mormonism: It gave us the original “Battlestar Galactica.”

    Better.

  26. 26

    […] Update 2: Curiouser and curiouser: WASHINGTON (AP) – Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards said Tuesday that he had sex with a campaign staffer to learn more about dating and relationships and their connection to poverty in the United States. […]

  27. 27
    jcricket says:

    Well, look at the bright side. The culture warriors are turning on themselves, and the rest of us just need to avoid the splatter.

    It’s like watching the mob during the 80s after “the code” had been broken and everyone was trying to cut a deal.

    This post from Josh Marshall is a perfect example:

    As it happens, this is not surprising from what we’ve seen thus far of Raymond. Of all the phone-jam scammers, he was the only one who not only took his criminal justice lumps but seemed genuinely to want to wash his hands of the whole rotten business. The rest, as you’d expect, are back on the GOP payroll in most cases after a short pitstop in the can.

    Raymond on his sojourn in the slammer: “After 10 full years inside the GOP, 90 days among honest criminals wasn’t really any great ordeal.”

  28. 28
    Zifnab says:

    They have gotten to the point of trying to decide who has the ONE TRUE Religion and who (again) are teh heretics. Sort of “Everyone’s queer but thee and me and sometimes I wonder about thee.” Take a seat and enjoy the show.

    Didn’t the Enquirer report a week back about how Mitt Romney parted the Gulf of Mexico with a tax cut? Or was that BatBoy using the Holy Grail to kill Osama Bin Laden’s Alien Twin?

    With all this fact-based Republican investigation and debate, its hard to keep everything straight.

  29. 29
    Psycheout says:

    Hmmm. A Clinton pal owns The National Enquirer. And another one, Rupert Murdoch, owns Fox News. Strange world.

  30. 30
    Tim F. says:

    Thanks for sharing, Dug. Credible and on-topic as always.

  31. 31
    NickM says:

    Since when does the National Enquirer pick up the AP wire? That’s what (AP) at the beginning of an article stands for.

  32. 32
    grumpy realist says:

    National Enquirer == AP? Not bloody likely.

    Guy, you just got pwned!

  33. 33
    Asti says:

    This is the sort of thing that happens when you get “denominated

    All the Christians really can’t stand each other, they hate sects, as long as it’s not their own!

  34. 34
    dslak says:

    they hate sects, as long as it’s not their own!

    True in more than one way, brother!

  35. 35
    canuckistani says:

    Or was that BatBoy using the Holy Grail to kill Osama Bin Laden’s Alien Twin?

    I thought Batboy played with the World Weekly News. Did his contract get picked up by the Enquirer after WWN stopped publishing? I hope they got the Devils Face from clouds, smoke and exhaust as well.

  36. 36
    Punchy says:

    WASHINGTON (AP) – Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards said Tuesday that he had sex with a campaign staffer to learn more about dating and relationships and their connection to poverty in the United States.

    I just spit Coke all over my desk. This is shit even the Onion would be proud of…

  37. 37
    Darkness says:

    They have gotten to the point of trying to decide who has the ONE TRUE Religion and who (again) are teh heretics.

    The Thumpers do not seem to at all appreciate the job Atheists, Druids, Cauveryists, Muslims, etc. do for them. We provide them with a format in which they can pretend to love each other. Were the rest of us out of the picture, they’d be at each other’s vestments over the issue of whether the chalice is gold or pottery, or whether Saturday evening mass really counts. Come on, we provide much needed context that keeps them sane and they are so under-appreciative.

  38. 38
    Dreggas says:

    Dug Jay Says:

    Josh:

    Actually a lot of the mouth breathers get their news from the Nat’l Enquirer

    And many of the Lug Nuts on the loony left are still wedded to the messages found in The Nation, al Jazeera, and less reputable places such as Kos.

    Googling me again?

  39. 39
    Dreggas says:

    Check this out from the WaPo

  40. 40
    Jorge says:

    More from Full-of-it Mitt

    From Andrew Sullivan’s stie

    “I saw my father march with Martin Luther King.”

    That was Romney’s boast. Is it true? Or was it a Grosse Pointe Blank? Money quote:

    Asked about the specifics of George Romney’s march with MLK, Mitt Romney’s campaign told the Phoenix that it took place in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. That jibes with the description proffered by David S. Broder in a Washington Post column written days after Mitt’s College Station speech.

    Broder, in that column, references a 1967 book he co-authored on the Republican Party, which included a chapter on George Romney. It includes a one-line statement that the senior Romney “has marched with Martin Luther King through the exclusive Grosse Pointe suburb of Detroit.”

    But that account is incorrect. King never marched in Grosse Pointe, according to the Grosse Pointe Historical Society, and had not appeared in the town at all at the time the Broder book was published.
    “I’m quite certain of that,” says Suzy Berschback, curator of the Grosse Pointe Historical Society. (Border was not immediately available for comment.)

    Berschback also believes that George Romney never appeared at a protest, march, or rally in Grosse Pointe. “We’re a small town,” she says. “Governors don’t come here very often, except for fundraisers.”

    In fact, King’s only appearance in Grosse Pointe, according to Berschback, took place after Broder’s book was published.

    That was for a March 14 speech he delivered at Grosse Pointe High School, just three weeks before King was assassinated. But there was no march, and George Romney was not there.

  41. 41
    AnonE.Mouse says:

    Grosse Pointe,Michigan?The Grosse Pointes I know wouldn’t have been too tolerant of black folks marching in the streets in 1967.Or 2007,come to think of it.They use their fine white linen as bedsheets instead of robes,but the Grosse Pointes are your quintessential sundown towns.

  42. 42
    Johnny Pez says:

    but can’t you do any better than a National Enquirer story?

    Yes.

    SAtSQ

  43. 43
    Johnny Pez says:

    Wait, that should be a no.

    Damn, screwed that up.

  44. 44
    myiq2xu says:

    Shouldn’t the title of this thread be “The vipers are fanging each other?”

  45. 45

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  2. […] Update 2: Curiouser and curiouser: WASHINGTON (AP) – Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards said Tuesday that he had sex with a campaign staffer to learn more about dating and relationships and their connection to poverty in the United States. […]

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