Thank Goodness the Adults are In Charge, Volume 28436

Jules Crittenden, journamamamalist and serious person, attempts to cut Glenn Greenwald down to size regarding the questionable (and if legit, wholly unprofessional) Col. Boylan emails by attacking Glenn’s website art. And sadly, I am serious.

If the right-wing meltdown continues any faster, I predict that by the end of the week, prominent right-wing bloggers will be standing in public, unshowered, singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) wearing only Hello Kitty diapers, an American Flag, and an Islamofascism Awareness Week sticker all the while balancing orange traffic cones on their heads.






60 replies
  1. 1
    Notorious P.A.T. says:

    Oooh, snap!

    Too bad the response to Greenwald is wholly without merit. The “colonel” does not address The New Republic’s inability to get documents that were provided easily to right-wing bloggers, the US military continues to detain a journalist for no apparent reason other than he criticized the US military, etc.

    Go ahead, Jules Crittenden (who are you again?) and call someone “snippy” while calling them a “weenie”. Way to hold on to the high ground, there.

  2. 2
    Svlad Jelly says:

    I actually got laid once by wearing a traffic cone on my head. Strange world.

  3. 3
    Llelldorin says:

    When Glenn Greenwald and John Cole are on the same side of an issue (!), and are making mutually supportive posts about it (!!), while the “opposition” party studiously ignores the issue (as it does most issues), it’s safe to say that the American political system hasn’t so much gone into the ditch as gotten smashed and lept its minimoto over a shark-infested ditch wearing only a pair of boxer shorts—on its head.

  4. 4

    … singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) …

    And by the end of the first stanza it would have been repeated enough to enter the Pantheon of Right-Wing Facts. Clever strategy for a such an outstanding collection of Mental Midgets. I really shouldn’t be such a meanie. Gosh, being so hateful and insanely charged with bloodlust and BDS isn’t so painful. Must be all the Brown Acid and Wild Turkey.

  5. 5

    I like this part:

    “Disclosure: I try to make a point of not reading as much Greenwald as possible,”

    Do you think he left just one column unread just so that he could say that he read less than what is possible?

  6. 6
    nightjar says:

    The worm in greater wingnuttia does seem to be turning in strange ways. Some [more like most}, such as Critterden, are simply becoming sad parodies of themselves, while others like Captain Ed seem to be crawling back out of the pit of right wing insanity. Or at least his posts for the past few days would indicate a move toward some semblance of common sense.

  7. 7
    Pablo Collins says:

    It seems Pattycakes(Patrick Frey) of Patterico.com has decided to jump in, slamming Glenn in his most indomitable way, and as usual he comes unprepared for battle. Here is some classic predictions from his early website:
    “WE INTERRUPT WITH THIS NEWS FLASH: “American actor George Clooney stepped up his criticism of George W. Bush’s administration on Sunday.” Readers who really care about this blockbuster story can read all about it here.
    My favorite part is his statement that “the real danger is going to be what happens after [the war].” Like many in the anti-war movement, Clooney has realized that the war is going to happen, we are going to win, the people of Iraq will be grateful, and Saddam will be proven to have lied about prohibited weapons. So, the rhetoric is shifting. Specifically, Clooney and his cohorts are now looking into their crystal balls, and guess what they see? More terrorist attacks! In other words, if we invade Iraq, and there is a subsequent terrorist attack, Clooney & Co. can say “I told you so.”
    Well, Clooney is nowhere near as good a prognosticator as I am. Let’s review my history of unerring predictive accuracy. In the early ’90’s, I warned everybody I knew that if we voted in Bill Clinton, there would be a terrorist attack. Sure enough, the World Trade Center was bombed in 1993. Then I said if he was re-elected, it would only continue. I was proven right again, with the bombings of U.S. embassies in Nairobi and Dar es Salaam, and the attack on the U.S.S. Cole. Then, after Bush won the election, I warned people that if Gore filed a lawsuit over the election, it would undermine the perceived legitimacy of a Bush presidency, leading to a weakening of our world reputation, and therefore still more terror. Sure enough, we had September 11. My predictions have proven right time and time again.
    My next prediction: if Hollywood celebrities don’t shut up, and the media doesn’t stop treating their opinions as somehow significant, then we will get another terror attack regardless of whether war happens in Iraq.”
    I think Glenn has caused a lot of wingnuts to develop a deranged syndrome towards himself, let’s call it GGDS. It seems to grow exponentially everyday, I’d be really proud to wear that as a badge of honor.

  8. 8
    DougJ says:

    Wait til Howie Kurtz gets a hold of this story. He’s going to blame Greenwald, say a real journalist would have checked with Boylan first before running the email, that it could be fake, that it’s reminiscent of Dan Rather and the National Guard memos.

    I’m not kidding.

  9. 9
    Breschau says:

    Interesting perspective: “Hey, look at this post Glenn made on his blog. He got *burned*.”

    By himself?

    And I especially enjoyed:

    “Greenwald answers Boylan point by point, rather windily.”

    Yeah, damn him for taking the time to actually address the, y’know, issues. Meanwhile, Jules calls him a weenie and a sockpuppet. FTW!

  10. 10
    Dulcie says:

    The Hello Kitty diapers were a nice touch.

  11. 11
    jake says:

    And if any of them are found face down in their Cheetos after John’s Weekend o’ Neo-Con Skewerin’ we will have to revise the old saw:

    Sticks n’ stones might break my bones but a mocking from John Cole will squash me like a bug.

    “journamamamalist”? Is that like a manimal with a note book?

  12. 12
    Paul L. says:

    So let me get the Balloon Juice rules for partisan hacks straight.
    Mocking Hugh Hewitt – Good
    Mocking Glenn Greenwald – Bad

    That said I consider Glenn Greenwald to be a journalist.
    Just like Dan Rather, Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Steven Glass, Jason Blair, Duff Wilson, Janet Cooke and Walter Duranty.

  13. 13
    ConservativelyLiberal says:

    Boy John, have ya tossed back a few more? A little hair of the dog, so to say? ;)

    Damn, you are on a roll!

  14. 14
    JR says:

    “prominent right-wing bloggers will be standing in public, unshowered, singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) wearing only Hello Kitty diapers, an American Flag, and an Islamofascism Awareness Week sticker all the while balancing orange traffic cones on their heads.”

    Wow, thanks for providing the most frightening/somewhat alluring mental image of Michelle Malkin EVAH!!!!!

    Seriously, I have to go watch “The Full Monty” to get that picture out of my head now. Thanks a lot.

  15. 15
    DougJ says:

    prominent right-wing bloggers will be standing in public, unshowered, singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) wearing only Hello Kitty diapers, an American Flag, an Islamofascism Awareness Week sticker…and wet suits.

  16. 16
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    That would be the same Jules Crittendon who wrote:
    I went out on a limb about a month ago and suggested, on the slimmest evidence, that Katie Couric could became a strong and brave new voice in the American media.

    The only things conservatives like better than slim evidence is no evidence or fabricated evidence.

    And mocking Hugh “I fight them with my keyboard” Hewitt is good, Paul L.

  17. 17
    ConservativelyLiberal says:

    And Hugh Hewitt is a journalist, just like Sean Hannity, Bill Oreilly, Britt Hume, Jason Blair, Mort Kondracke, Fred Barnes, Bill Kristol, Victoria Toensing and Rush Limbaugh.

  18. 18
    Andrew says:

    …and wet suits.

    Well, something has to hold the dildos in.

  19. 19
    ActualRealPatriotAmericanGoreSucksRedStateMan says:

    Have you seen the art on Cretinden’s site? A machine gun pointed at some cartoon wogs in B.C. war chariots, Persian by the looks of them. It’s actually quite a disturbing collage from the mind of an art looter who spent 4 months as an embed cowering in the back of an APC and was delighted when non-embed journos who had lived out the bombing of Baghdad were blown to bits by the infantry (by accident, I believe) when it spurred into town.

    Crittenden still refers to George II as this generation’s Churchill. I kid you not. Bush derangement syndrome indeed.

  20. 20
    Perry Como says:

    Well, something has to hold the dildos in.

    I thought the hate of the Dhimmicrats did that.

  21. 21
    AkaDad says:

    I predict that by the end of the week, prominent right-wing bloggers will be standing in public, unshowered, singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) wearing only Hello Kitty diapers, an American Flag

    Or as I like to call it, Friday night…

  22. 22
    Xanthippas says:

    So let me get the Balloon Juice rules for partisan hacks straight.

    The rules is, attack wingnuts who don’t know what they’re talking about but bray like donkeys nonetheless.

    Respectfully read and consider the opinions of people who have facts to back their opinions.

    It’s pretty straight-forward. I just read the posts, and I figured it out, see?

  23. 23
    John Cole says:

    The rules is, attack wingnuts who don’t know what they’re talking about but bray like donkeys nonetheless.

    Respectfully read and consider the opinions of people who have facts to back their opinions.

    It’s pretty straight-forward. I just read the posts, and I figured it out, see?

    It isn’t even that, rally. Tim was just taunting Hugh. Jules was taunting Glenn AND THINKS IT ADDRESSES THE ISSUE.

  24. 24
    Punchy says:

    I strongly suspect that Boylan will be promoted a rank for this. As a fuck-you to the left. Within 2 months. Write that down.

  25. 25
    Buck says:

    ConservativelyLiberal, you’ve left one out… James Dale Guckert, aka Jeff Gannon

  26. 26
    The Other Steve says:

    Jules Crittenden is a Boston Herald editor and columnist who has reported on politics, crime, science, foreign affairs, and maritime and military matters in the United States, Asia, the Balkans and the Middle East.

    Ah ha! Proof that the media is liberally biased!

    Er, uhh, I guess.

  27. 27
    El Cid says:

    Oh yeah? Well how come Al Gore’s movie didn’t mention that he flies in planes!!!

  28. 28
    TenguPhule says:

    So let me get the Balloon Juice rules for partisan hacks straight.

    TeH Rules:

    #1 Assholes are to be mocked.

    #2 Assholes who think mocking in a coherent argument are to be mocked.

    #3 Paul L. is an Asshole.

    #4 ???

    #5 Profit!

  29. 29
    alphie says:

    Jules called lawyers “sewer workers” then linked to Patterico…a lawyer.

    The cannibalism of the far right continues.

  30. 30
    r€nato says:

    I predict that by the end of the week, prominent right-wing bloggers will be standing in public, unshowered, singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) wearing only Hello Kitty diapers, an American Flag, and an Islamofascism Awareness Week sticker all the while balancing orange traffic cones on their heads.

    I believe this is what they call, ‘foreplay’.

  31. 31
    Delia says:

    I don’t think the fools on that site realize what sock puppets are. But then this cretin Crittenden doesn’t seem to realize what facts are and that what Glenn is doing is using facts to establish his case.

    Life gets very sad and bizarre when you spend extended periods outside the reality-based community.

  32. 32
    r€nato says:

    And I especially enjoyed:

    “Greenwald answers Boylan point by point, rather windily.”

    Yeah, because a real blogger would have issued a rebuttal in the form of threatening to cock-slap Greenwald, and been done with it. Pwn3d!

  33. 33
    Joe Max says:

    The Left certainly has its share of hyperventilating crazies, no one can deny that. (I live in Berkeley, I know.)

    But on the Right, the crazies have taken over the asylum.

    My dad was a Goldwater Republican, voted for Nixon all three times, and even he’s given up on these clowns. The GOP used to stand for competence, if nothing else. I know they’re in trouble now, they’ve failed the Dad Test.

  34. 34
    r€nato says:

    The Left certainly has its share of hyperventilating crazies, no one can deny that.

    Joe – and I say this with all politeness – please don’t say that you mean there are just as many crazies on the left as on the right these days. While one can certainly find quite a few way far lefties in Berzerkeley and Santa Cruz, their ideology has not been mainstreamed like the ideology of the far right has been, so that we are actually having to have Orwellian-tinged discussions about torture enhanced interrogation techniques, and it’s actually controversial to suggest that the President should not have king-like powers whenever he utters that three-letter magic word, ‘war’.

  35. 35
    r€nato says:

    My dad was a Goldwater Republican, voted for Nixon all three times, and even he’s given up on these clowns.

    well, bully for your father. Unfortunately I fear there are far more Republicans like my father, who has come to loathe GW Bush due to his fiscal profligacy and the utter mess in Iraq… but who unquestioningly will continue to vote Republican in the foreseeable future, ‘because the Democrats would be worse’.

  36. 36
    r€nato says:

    I don’t think the fools on that site realize what sock puppets are.

    actually I think they do. They are referring to an episode where apparently Greenwald’s SO was (allegedly) engaging in sock puppetry back in Greenwald’s pre-Salon days. While that certainly reflects poorly on the SO in question, like a dog that just can’t let go of a bone the right blogosphere loves to bash GG with the ‘sock puppet!’ j’accuse, as if GG had done it himself and as if the sock-puppet commenting of others therefore invalidates everything he writes.

    So, that’s what that was all about. Personally, I found the comments moaning about GG’s long-winded writing to be quite amusing and self-revelatory. “Reading? Logic? Reason? Boooooorrrrring! Don’t bother me with any line of reasoning that can’t be fit onto a bumper sticker!”

  37. 37
    timb says:

    Glenn’s “wordiness” is a little similar to Jeff Goldstein’s, except Glenn writes in English and he’s not a colossal prick

  38. 38
    grumpy realist says:

    Would it be too much for the tiny little minds finding problems in Glenn’s prolixity to actually sit down and realize what an arguement/criticism/dissection is supposed to do?

    Analyze. Understand. Find the logical holes.

    I hope none of these yahoos ever have to prepare a law case, because “yeah? Well, YOUR mother wears ARMY BOOTS!” is not taken as standard legal argument in any US court I know of. Sad, I know.

  39. 39
    Rudi says:

    Welcome Punditeers, etal. Special shout out to all the Balloonists! Must be a lefterly wind blowing.

    I guess the Balloonists are all Kossacks now. Is lefterly in the dictionary, sloppy editors.

  40. 40

    Maybe Jules can have fellow Boston Herald columnist Mike Barnicle guest blog. We need more “truthiness” in the blogosphere.

  41. 41
    Zifnab says:

    I hope none of these yahoos ever have to prepare a law case, because “yeah? Well, YOUR mother wears ARMY BOOTS!” is not taken as standard legal argument in any US court I know of.

    Hey, one more conservative SCOTUS Judge…

  42. 42

    You certainly do have a talent of the turn of phrase John. No wonder I keep obsessively coming back here.

    And hey Pablo, great minds and all that…. I announced the addition of GGDS as an official fringenut syndrome just last night.

  43. 43

    When all else fails, blame the Jews (or blacks or Mexicans). Can pinning it all on PNAC work? You know, “The crafty Jews tricked us into attacking Iraq.” As we type the Right is looking in the back of its dark closet to see if the hooded robe still fits, trying to remember how to make a noose, seeing if there’s still enough paint in the spray can to make swastikas on synagogues.

  44. 44
    yet another jeff says:

    Hehe, yeah…we’re all Kossacks now…those that don’t forward the meme are all Kossacks.

    It was Greenwald that wrote the theory of how anyone that doesn’t agree with Bush is a liberal, wasn’t it?

  45. 45
    r€nato says:

    Actually I believe it was the incomparable Digby who wrote something to the effect that a liberal is what conservatives call other conservatives when they fall out of their graces.

  46. 46

    Glenn’s “wordiness” is a little similar to Jeff Goldstein’s, except Glenn writes in English and he’s not a colossal prick

    Careful. People have been cock slapped for less.

  47. 47

    It was Greenwald that wrote the theory of how anyone that doesn’t agree with Bush is a liberal, wasn’t it?

    And those who do not agree with Comrade Stalin are western capitalist swine!

  48. 48
    yet another jeff says:

    Actually I believe it was the incomparable Digby who wrote something to the effect that a liberal is what conservatives call other conservatives when they fall out of their graces.

    Ah, ok…I remember seeing it on Digby’s but couldn’t remember if it was her referencing Greenwald at the time or not. I know G did a long piece on this…or I think I know he did. ;)

    It all makes me think of an old Dr. Demento bit, Soviet Bandstand.

  49. 49
    r€nato says:

    speaking of correctly attributing quotes, it would be nice if Sully would attribute to this blog, the questions for GOP candidates which Bill Maher incorrectly attributed to him.

  50. 50
    Ellison, Ellensburg, Ellers, and Lambchop says:

    They are referring to an episode where apparently Greenwald’s SO was (allegedly) engaging in sock puppetry back in Greenwald’s pre-Salon days.

    Uhhhh, no.

    Greenwald(s) was clearly the actual puppeteer, although he’ll go to his grave lying about it (no shock there). He only blamed the sockpuppetry on his Brazilian boyfriend, but you’d have to be as naive as a sack of baby kittens to buy a word of it, after what other bloggers uncovered. No, for some reason, Glenn(s) felt the necessity to defend his posts on other blogs while pretending he was several big, imaginary fans of his, dedicated to spreading word of his mighty deeds (Did you know his blog was read into the Congressional Record by a Senator?).

    That said, knowing that Greenwald(s) is a vain, desperate, lying douche with odd need issues doesn’t in itself invalidate all of his points out of hand.

  51. 51
    r€nato says:

    Greenwald(s) was clearly the actual puppeteer

    proof, please?

    regardless of who was the sock-puppeteer, I actually read Greenwald and while he can be long-winded (no doubt due to his background as an attorney specializing in Constitutional law), I find that his posts are also long on facts and analysis, something sadly missing from much of Right Blogistan.

    Likewise, whether or not the documents which got Dan Rather canned from CBS were genuine, it doesn’t change the fact that Bush’s daddy got him assigned to a nice, safe post in the TANG and that W is a deserter who never reported to the Alabama NG after being transferred there.

  52. 52
    TenguPhule says:

    The GOP used to stand for competence, if nothing else.

    They still stand for nothing else.

  53. 53
    nightjar says:

    The latest in wingnut logic from Herr Crittendon.

    Just one problem. The constitutional lawyer, in his advanced state of agitation, failed to notice in UPDATE III that Col. Boylan didn’t actual deny sending the email. He just declined to confirm and then made a vague reference to identity theft.

  54. 54
    Timb says:

    Hey, EEEL’s, why do you right wingers obsess so much over Greenwald’s alleged sock-puppetry? It was years ago, yet you can’t choose a screename or go five seconds without mentioning it.

    As if, somehow, whether he used other names years ago invalidates the points he making today? At the same time, your movements supports a formerly drunk President, a VP who is so worried about “keeping us safe” he is willing to let his staff leak the name of a CIA officer, your most popular talk show host is a drug addict, Ann Coulter cannot decide where she is supposed to vote or when her birthday is, and most of your hero bloggers are pasty white guys, who are more likely to get closer to a PS 3 than a woman or the Army the bloggers professes to love.

    So what if Grenwald used other names….I mean, is that all you have? Is that it? That’s the thing you want to hang an entire argument on fours years later?

    That?

    In this case, it’s even more inane. If Greenwald is a liar, then what’s he lying about? Receiving all the emails, including the one your fellows are celebrating? Is it all an elaborate ruse, EEEL’s? Please tell us how your reflexive “He did something bad one time” argument illuminates anything other than your whiny, petulant rage at his success and correctness.

    [crickets]

    That’s what I thought.

  55. 55
    Joe Max says:

    r€nato Says:

    Joe Max: The Left certainly has its share of hyperventilating crazies, no one can deny that.

    Joe – and I say this with all politeness – please don’t say that you mean there are just as many crazies on the left as on the right these days.

    Which is exactly what I said – on the Right, the crazies have taken over the asylum. The equivalent on the other side would be making Bob Avakian (leader of the Revolutionary Communist Party) into a Democratic campaign adviser.

  56. 56

    Timb Says:

    Hey, EEEL’s, why do you right wingers obsess so much over Greenwald’s alleged sock-puppetry? It was years ago, yet you can’t choose a screename or go five seconds without mentioning it.

    As if, somehow, whether he used other names years ago invalidates the points he making today? At the same time, your movements supports a formerly drunk President, a VP who is so worried about “keeping us safe” he is willing to let his staff leak the name of a CIA officer, your most popular talk show host is a drug addict, Ann Coulter cannot decide where she is supposed to vote or when her birthday is, and most of your hero bloggers are pasty white guys, who are more likely to get closer to a PS 3 than a woman or the Army the bloggers professes to love.

    So what if Grenwald used other names….I mean, is that all you have? Is that it? That’s the thing you want to hang an entire argument on fours years later?

    That?

    In this case, it’s even more inane. If Greenwald is a liar, then what’s he lying about? Receiving all the emails, including the one your fellows are celebrating? Is it all an elaborate ruse, EEEL’s? Please tell us how your reflexive “He did something bad one time” argument illuminates anything other than your whiny, petulant rage at his success and correctness.

    [crickets]

    That’s what I thought.

    October 29th, 2007 at 1:23 pm

    Timb,

    They have different versions of the “he did something bad one time” charge. When Joe Wilson spoke out he became “Clown Wilson” and was alleged to be some complete lightweight joker who had been exposed as a fraud years ago, or something of the sort. Paul Krugman has always been “shrill”. And Al Gore is crazy – remember when he gave speeches saying it would be a bad idea to invade Iraq. He wore a beard at the time, I mean how much crazier can one get? (Oh, Gore’s fat too)

  57. 57

    […] John Cole has had an epiphany. If the right-wing meltdown continues any faster, I predict that by the end of the week, prominent right-wing bloggers will be standing in public, unshowered, singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) wearing only Hello Kitty diapers, an American Flag, and an Islamofascism Awareness Week sticker all the while balancing orange traffic cones on their heads. […]

  58. 58
    Grams says:

    Ooooppppsss! Thought I was coming to an intelligent site. Sorry, but can’t stand slimes that come out from under rocks. Keep up the creepiness!!!

  59. 59
    Veeshir says:

    This place just keeps getting funnier and funnier. Thanks for the laughs.
    Although, I’m wondering why this blog wasn’t in the “Funniest Blog” category, it can’t be only for blogs funny on purpose as Sadly,No! is included.
    I do have a question, is it parody or satire?

  60. 60

    […] Now first of all, John is entirely capable of sticking up for himself. He acknowledged Crittenden’s explanation for posting the email address, and thanked him for taking it down…on November 1st. Comes Sully, on November Fourth, all outraged about it. […]

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] Now first of all, John is entirely capable of sticking up for himself. He acknowledged Crittenden’s explanation for posting the email address, and thanked him for taking it down…on November 1st. Comes Sully, on November Fourth, all outraged about it. […]

  2. […] John Cole has had an epiphany. If the right-wing meltdown continues any faster, I predict that by the end of the week, prominent right-wing bloggers will be standing in public, unshowered, singing re-written verses of Queen’s “We Are the Champions” with silly insults (Glenn has the cooties, Glenn has the cooties) wearing only Hello Kitty diapers, an American Flag, and an Islamofascism Awareness Week sticker all the while balancing orange traffic cones on their heads. […]

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