Beauchamp’s Unit- More Shoddy Journamalism and the Citizen Journalist Response!

The Washington Post has a piece on Scott Beauchamp’s unit in Iraq, and it didn’t take me long to realize this is just another liberal hit piece designed to subvert our will, coughed up in the middle of the MOST EPICEST GRANDEST AND IMPORTANT STRUGGLE FOR OUR TIME®. Why couldn’t they instead spend these pages talking about all the happy soldiers or discussing all the soldiers who did not get killed or blown up? Now granted, the fellow writing this piece is just a reporter, and not an anonymous diarist ostensibly adding color, but I think that reporters and news organizations should have to live up to the strict standards of evidence set by Greater Wingnuttia® for anonymous color commentators. As such, let us parse this bilious ‘news’ piece:

Their line of tan Humvees and Bradley Fighting Vehicles creeps through another Baghdad afternoon. At this pace, an excruciating slowness, they strain to see everything, hoping the next manhole cover, the next rusted barrel, does not hide another bomb. A few bullets pass overhead, but they don’t worry much about those.

“I hate this road,” someone says over the radio.

LIES! This is such an obvious and blatant lie, I can not believe the reporter would open with it. EVERYONE knows that SOP requires radio silence during convoys. As we established during the Beauchamp affair, no one in the history of the military has ever broken SOP, so one MUST conclude that no soldier ever said “I hate this road” over the radio. Even then, note that there is no name involved. Shouldn’t the reporter have found out who said it (if it in fact was said)? And then had ten people sign their names to a document stating their buddy said it? This is basic journalism, folks.

Additionally, as we learned yesterday from Mark Noonan, bravely fulfilling his patriotic duties at Blogs for Bush, the insurgents and jihadists read our media and use it as inspiration to fuel their movement. Doesn’t this reporter realize that letting the terrorists know we hate that road means they will simply redouble their efforts, and attempt to make us hate it more so that we leave the region, come home, and inevitably allow ourselves to be taken over by a worldwide Caliphate that makes us wear Burkhas? Why would he give the enemy this “grist” for their “propaganda mill?”

I think Bob Owens needs to investigate this soldier’s blog and Myspace accounts and find out if he has aided and abetted the terrorists in any other ways. I contend no soldier ever made the statement, but if one did, he must be driven from the military pronto. Or, at the very least, punished so I can write about it on my blog at length. At any rate, back to the Washington Post.

They stop, look around. The streets of Sadiyah are deserted again. To the right, power lines slump down into the dirt. To the left, what was a soccer field is now a pasture of trash, combusting and smoking in the sun. Packs of skinny wild dogs trot past walls painted with slogans of sectarian hate.

Once again, the bias is clear. This reporter has clearly never been to the streets that John McCain walks. Those are bustling market places, packed with people of all ethnicities and religions. And what an obvious lie about the soccer field. Besides, Iraq just won a big soccer game and there is no way Iraqis would let their fields fall into disrepair.

I will continue on, but I just can not take much more of this bias.

A bomb crater blocks one lane, so they cross to the other side, where houses are blackened by fire, shops crumbled into bricks. The remains of a car bomb serve as hideous public art. Sgt. Victor Alarcon’s Humvee rolls into a vast pool of knee-high brown sewage water — the soldiers call it Lake Havasu, after the Arizona spring-break party spot — that seeps in the doors of the vehicle and wets his boots.

“When we first got here, all the shops were open. There were women and children walking out on the street,” Alarcon said this week. “The women were in Western clothing. It was our favorite street to go down because of all the hot chicks.”

What about all the roads that don’t have bomb craters in them (photographic evidence of Baghdad roads without craters can be found here)? And the fact that this reporter would assert that a soldier (an NCO, no less) would use the term “hot chicks” is absurd and offensive, as you and I know our men would never show that much disrespect or use such vulgar terminology.

That is it. I can no longer deal with this bias. Even so, I think I have clearly demonstrated, using my skills as a citizen journalist, that there are enough factual errors of such magnitude that we must dismiss everything ever said about Iraq by the biased Washington Post. Bring me the head of the editor who let this trash get through. Fortunately, there are other patriots willing to brave this filth, such as McQ at Q and O, who managed to read through this obvious enemy propaganda from the WaPo and still come up with a positive message:

It think the lesson from the two stories is challenges remain, progress is certainly at different points in different areas of Iraq, but it appears to me that the trend is toward the positive.

As for me, when I need the truth about our impending glorious victory in Iraq, made possible only through the resolve of President Bush and a few patriotic bloggers fighting the Information War, I know where I will go for the unvarnished truth- Hugh Hewitt, Red State, and Rush Limbaugh. I am done with the driveby mainstream media.

*** Update ***

I didn’t want it to come to this, but it has now been thirty minutes since I posted this obvious complete destruction of the WaPo’s shoddy reporting, and I have yet to speak to their Editor, so I have decided to ratchet up the pressure a notch. I have taken it upon myself to send 263 emails to this unit’s Public Affairs Office demanding an investigation of these obvious falsehoods (as a citizen journalist, I don’t have anything better to do, so I figure they don’t either), and I have also requested that the military refuse to work with the Washington Post in the future. The void left by their absence can be filled with more honest, unbiased, and more mainstream organizations like WorldNetdaily.

I take my obligations as a citizen journalist seriously (I may have a breaking story about Graeme Frost’s parents ordering extra cheese at McDonald’s yesterday), so I will keep you posted.

*** Update #2 ***

One of our readers has pointed out that the soldier “allegedly” quoted here, Victor Alarcon, may in fact not be a soldier at all, but in reality may be the Bolivian Cultural Attache. Now I am no geography expert, but that must be one hell of a commute for our “alleged” soldier. If the media wasn’t so insistent on seeing what they want to see, and instead would fact-check to make sure their biases are not showing, they would realize that this may yet be another phony soldier. All they had to do was a basic google search (and we know how important those are) to figure that out.

*** Update #3***

It has been brought to my attention that other patriotbloggers also had some questions about this sham of a travesty of a piece, and fired off an email to MNF-Iraq:

Dear MNF-Iraq- …The Washington Post wrote a disturbing article today on Iraq. ( ‘I Don’t Think This Place Is Worth Another Soldier’s Life’)

In the article — a Sgt. Victor Alarcon said this:

Sgt. Victor Alarcon’s Humvee rolls into a vast pool of knee-high brown sewage water — the soldiers call it Lake Havasu, after the Arizona spring-break party spot — that seeps in the doors of the vehicle and wets his boots.

1- Are you familiar with “Lake Havasu”?
2- Does Sgt. Victor Alarcon speak for MNF-Iraq?
3- In the article Maj. Eric Timmerman says “It’s just a slow, somewhat government-supported sectarian cleansing,” on thhe descent of Sadiyah. Is that the official MNF-I position?
4- Does Maj. Eric Timmerman speak for MNF-Iraq?

Thank you for your time.

He has already received his response from our brave soldiers in the field, and what a surprise, the reality on the ground is nothing like what was reported by these traitors in the Washington Post.

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106 replies
  1. 1
    RSA says:

    “I hate this road,” someone says over the radio.

    Why do our soldiers hate America Iraqi infrastructure?

  2. 2
    glasnost says:

    Perfect.

  3. 3
    M.Mawkish says:

    Check their counters! Check their counters!

    Packs of skinny wild dogs trot past

    I notice even these American-hating soldiers didn’t run the doggies over! In your face Beauchamp!

    No wait. These soldiers hate America and so does the reporter. And they referred to a woman who isn’t me as a hot chick! I bet they ran the dogs over, shot them and made them into party hats! In your face … um … Clinton!

  4. 4
    Ted says:

    It think the lesson from the two stories is challenges remain, progress is certainly at different points in different areas of Iraq, but it appears to me that the trend is toward the positive.

    It’s like they’re quack psychics, or navigate the mainstream news out of Iraq with dousing rods.

  5. 5
    Johnny Pez says:

    And yet, somewhere in an alternate reality not too far from our own, there’s a John Cole who wrote a blog post just like this, except he meant it.

    Spooky.

  6. 6
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    Paging Michael Yon…

  7. 7
    cleek says:

    is see someone’s been eating their Snarkios this morning!

  8. 8
    sashal says:

    John, you should try yourself in satire writing, Swift-like or Twain-like.
    Can make good money.
    Another great post by true smart liberal with balls- yeah, that is you, John

  9. 9

    Hey! What? NO MENTION of the flowers and candy being strewn at their feet! SEE! PROOF! POSITIVE! This report was filled with factual errors. WaPo has NO SHAME! Time to contact El Rushbo and let him know about this outrage. OUTRAGE!

  10. 10
    chopper says:

    nice.

  11. 11
    jcricket says:

    Remember a couple of years ago when the wingers were all crowing about how no party would ever win if all they did was “oppose Bush”, and that the Democrats needed a “plan” for addressing everything(tm)?

    One might properly suppose that it is they who are now out of ideas if the best they can do is pick apart font sizes, analyze micro-errors in statements made, etc. They have no popular support for any of their grandiose mis-informed bullshit great ideas anymore, so they’ve been reduced to nitpicking. While that’s all fun and games if you’re reviewing Star Trek or the X-File episodes, it’s no way to run a country.

  12. 12
    AkaDad says:

    “I hate this road,” someone says over the radio.

    I think we can all agree, whoever said that is a phony soldier…

  13. 13
    chopper says:

    exactly. real soldiers like all roads. that’s why they enlisted, to drive on roads.

  14. 14

    I wish I had said this.

    By the way, I think you’re going to look lovely in Burkha John. I do hope they’ll come in colors. Make mine red.

  15. 15
    tc says:

    I googled Victor Alarcon, and quickly discovered that he is actually the Bolivian cultural attache. Go ahead and google him yourself and you’ll see.

    Now let me ask you: is it possible to be both the Bolivian cultural attache AND serve as a sergeant in Iraq? No, it is not possible. Clearly, then, the Washington Post is making it up. Ever hear of Janet Cooke?

  16. 16
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    This post = Teh Awesome

  17. 17
    fleinn says:

    ..well. You know.. it’s not as funny as Malkin. Because she takes it further, and makes it more authentic, while it’s still hilarious satire of people being humorously outraged.

    I mean, just look at it. In Cole’s post there are a lot of things that are simply wrong. The spelling is good, the sentences make sense, and there is obviously some sort of story being told here that you can follow. And you can clearly see the author has all these inhibitions about putting his name on stupid things that make absolutely no sense. Like shame, for instance, and pride. So really, it’s not actually satire, is it? It’s just seriously watered down burlesque.

    No.. I think the satire should be left to the professionals, like Malkin.

  18. 18
    Wilfred says:

    I’d give John a solid 8.8 for technique. He opens with a modified, one quarter Jamil, follows rapidly with just a suggestion of a tucked in, three-axle, staccato Frost and finishes with an emphatic high-kick, triple swerve, full-on Beauchamp.

    Kinetic and sustained. Perhaps a quadruple, fan-tailed, pants-twisitng Berger would have appropriate under the circumstances, and a post-climax Triple C (Clinton, Cleavage, Communism) for finesse.

  19. 19
    Snarky Shark says:

    Dood!

    Thaz some good Snark.

    And I know Snark!

    Teh Awesome indeed!

  20. 20
    canuckistani says:

    Ahhh.. my full day’s requirement of Snark, and it was delicious too!

  21. 21
    Leah says:

    Laughed out loud.

    My favorite trope, the absence of evidence being the strongest evidence of all, e.g., silence of Wa Po editor speaks enough volumes to make every assumption true.

    Not that John ever wrote with the same joyless passion and mirthless humor that his then winger compatriots did; that’s what made his liberal bashing really hurt.

  22. 22

    More “Phony Soldiers” Talk About Iraq

    Time to send in Michelle Malkin to go harass the mothers and children of these clearly un-American guys. How dare they insult America like this! “When we first got here, all the shops were open. There were women and children…

  23. 23
    Xanthippas says:

    This is perhaps the greatest John Cole post EVER…at least in the time I’ve been reading Balloon Juice, which is about four months.

    Still, the parody and mockery is par excellence.

    Also, I didn’t realize that article was about Pvt B’s unit until I read this, so thanks for that tip.

  24. 24
    tBone says:

    Packs of skinny wild dogs trot past

    Do they have photos of these supposed “dogs”? Is there any corrobation that these dogs a) exist, b) are skinny, and c) are wild?

    It’s a known fact that dogs in Iraq are plump and well-domesticated. In fact, most of them are so chubby (due to the huge quantities of sweets covering the streets) that you could never run over one even if you wanted to. Which you wouldn’t, because they’re so tame and likeable.

    When will these damnable lies from the MSM stop??

  25. 25
    Tim F. says:

    You’re all missing the point. If Iraq was going to hell then those dogs would be fat from feeding on corpses. The fact that corpse-eating dogs have gone skinny just shows that the surge is working. Moonbats.

  26. 26
    searp says:

    That WAPO piece was the single best soldiers’-perspective view of Iraq that I have seen. Imagine living in that hell for 15 months, watching the weather change from indescribable mud to unbelievable heat, waiting to get shot or blown up.

    Now imagine doing that multiple times, and looking forward to doing it 7-8 times over the next 15 years.

    Like the piece says, Iraq isn’t worth one more dead soldier. As a matter of fact, it isn’t worth one dead soldier. Now let’s talk about betrayal.

  27. 27
    fishbane says:

    The only thing that would make this post better would be to post it at RedState.

  28. 28

    […] of our readers has pointed out that the soldier “allegedly” quoted here, Victor Alarcon, may in fact not be a soldierat all, but in reality is the Bolivian Cultural Attache. Now I am no geography expert, but that must be one hell of a commute for our alleged soldier. If the media wasn’t so insistent on seeing what they want to see, and instead would fact-check to make sure their biases are not showing, they would realize that this is yet another phony soldier, and all the had to do was a basic google search (and we know how important those are). […]

  29. 29
    foobar says:

    Wow, that’s quite a parody. I can’t help but notice that you’ve got 0 substance in your comments. Just overbearing sarcasm. Quite a contribution. It’s telling when you can’t offer anything of value.

    Nature abhors a vacuum. You can’t replace something with nothing. If you don’t offer positive, substantive alternatives, then you’re merely basking in hate.

    This is why the Left is so fundamentally broken. Hate is your moral fiber. This is why I’m no longer a Democrat.

  30. 30
    conumdbrum says:

    Bless you, John. I’ve been reading your blog since I stumbled upon your rage at the Terri Schaivo debacle and immediately recognized that rarest of fauna… a conservative with principles. The Anti-Mitt, if you will.

    Great post. I hope the entire blogosphere gets a peek at it.

  31. 31
    Kevin Hayden says:

    Now that the Islamofuzzists have clearly infiltrated our infantry brigades to spread this disinformation, can’t we just drop the Big One to teach them to bring the flowers we were promised next time?

  32. 32

    Absolutely brilliant.

  33. 33

    […] Plus John Cole conclusively proves victory is imminent. […]

  34. 34
    A says:

    This is brilliant.

    Actually.

    And I don’t use the term lightly, or often.

    I’ve never seen the illogic, irrationality, and 12-year old chest-beating of the 12th Keyboard Brigade so effectively
    deconstructed.

    There should be an award for this.

  35. 35
    searp says:

    foobar: positive alternatives?

    W makes a mistake unique in our history and then compounds it by sticking with a war-without-reason for five years and… Democrats are bad because, well, they haven’t fixed it yet? May I remind you who is President?

    Here is an alternative supported by the majority of the public:

    Bring the troops home. Now. Positive thinking: no more troops killed for no goddamn reason, no more money borrowed and wasted on a retarded Iraqi civil war, no more American killed and injured.

    That’s why I am not and never will be a Republican: Republicans are dumb.

  36. 36
    foobar says:

    searp: “Bring the troops home now”

    Say, WHY haven’t the Demos done this yet? Because it’s defeatist and will result in disasterous results.

    Your comments only support my claim.

  37. 37
    searp says:

    foobar: no, because we have an imbecilic president who has the power to block it, courtesy of some Republican retards in Congress who will soon be retiring.

    The defeatist crap is simply rhetoric. If I punch someone in the face because I think they are someone else, is it “defeatist” to not beat that person to death?

    I have been to Iraq, twice this year. Disaster is the right word. Now tell me again why I should give a flying about Iraq? Has it become our 51st state?

  38. 38
    Gary Farber says:

    Responding to your well-done post, John, the problem is that it’s just about impossible to top the self-parody of the real thing. I love how different the posts can be. Dan Riehl, on the other hand, goes for the complete non-sequitur.

    All united by quaking fear of teh terrorists, though.

  39. 39
    Xanthippas says:

    Riehl is such a tool. How can he stand to wake up like that everyday?

  40. 40
    jcricket says:

    You’re all missing the point. If Iraq was going to hell then those dogs would be fat from feeding on corpses. The fact that corpse-eating dogs have gone skinny just shows that the surge is working. Moonbats.

    It would be funnier if this weren’t an actual example of winger logic :-(

  41. 41
    jcricket says:

    Riehl is such a tool. How can he stand to wake up like that everyday?

    The fat checks from the teat of Scaife help.

  42. 42
    searp says:

    “Winning”. We are now winning because violence is down. So: I take it our war aim is to prevent violence in Iraq? Anyway, I am officially confused.

    I thought we were there to… I dunno, free Iraqis from tyranny? Can someone please identify the tyrants, and more importantly, do the Iraqis have the same view on this? It is hard to be a defeatist when you don’t understand why the hell we’re fighting in the first place.

    I was there. I saw the incredible confusion, the complete lack of any accepted central authority, jobs, etc. Now our big thing is to hand some power to tribal sheiks (no lovers of freedom there, I assure you) and some Shia politicians that can’t leave the IZ. This is “winning”?

  43. 43

    Brilliantly done, Mr. Cole!

  44. 44
    Psycheout says:

    Your leftist rants are always amusing. This is what I come here for. Thanks again!

  45. 45
    Psycheout says:

    OT: Thanks for putting B4C on your list of blogs that you read. I will do my best to ensure that we live up to your expectations.

  46. 46
    Rick Taylor says:

    Shouldn’t the reporter have found out who said it (if it in fact was said)? And then had ten people sign their names to a document stating their buddy said it?

    More importantly, shouldn’t we be tracking this fellow down and ensure he issues a denial? Or if he doesn’t, shouldn’t we be talking to his superiors about getting him court martialed for breaking SOP?

  47. 47
    Person of Choler says:

    So Beauchamp didn’t make that stuff up after all?

  48. 48
    Bruce Moomaw says:

    Obvious next question: Why do our troops hate America? In the Washington Post today: “I Don’t Think This Place Is Worth Another Soldier’s Life”. Apparently the US grunts themselves are under no delusions as to why the violence is now decreasing in Baghdad:

    ” ‘It’s just a slow, somewhat government-supported sectarian cleansing,’ said Maj. Eric Timmerman, the battalion’s operations officer… ‘We were so committed to them as a partner we couldn’t see it for what it was. In retrospect, I’ve got to think it was a coordinated effort,’ Timmerman said. ‘To this day, I don’t think we truly understand how infiltrated or complicit the national police are’ with the [Shiite] militias.

    ” ‘This is a dangerous place,’ said Capt. Lee Showman, 28, a senior officer in the battalion. ‘People are killed here every day, and you don’t hear about it. People are kidnapped here every day, and you don’t hear about it.’…

    “The American people don’t fully realize what’s going on, said Staff Sgt. Richard McClary, 27, a section leader from Buffalo. ‘They just know back there what the higher-ups here tell them. But the higher-ups don’t go anywhere, and actually they only go to the safe places, places with a little bit of gunfire,’ he said. ” ‘They don’t ever [expletive] see what we see on the ground.’ “

  49. 49
    JWW says:

    John,

    You really do make a fool of yourself. As with many time’s before, you trust only those articles that suit your needs. Search for nothing and you find nothing. Your cast of lame fellowship does the same. Seem’s you nor they will ever venture beyond the writing of a known critic. As for you becoming a author of satire, write your first published piece about yourself.

  50. 50
    Thom says:

    Get out your waders and go see what Dan Riehl has done with this story.

    You’re not going to fucking believe it. I’m serious. I’m so serious.

  51. 51
    Thom says:

    Oh. Xanthippas is here. Good.

    Hey, Xanthippas, quit strawmanning!

  52. 52
    Wilfred says:

    Your cast of lame fellowship does the same

    JWW is talking about:

    a) a lame in a cast of fellows;
    b) a fellow in a lame cast, on a ship;
    c) a shipmate to a fellow in a cast;
    d) Henry Wadsworth Lamefellow, casting from a ship.
    e) a lame in the desert on a ship with no name

  53. 53
    Jess says:

    f) a cast shipped to a lame fellow via UPS (satire freight)

  54. 54
    JWW says:

    Well Spoken,

    I see that you can identify yourselves. You have no idea how too defend your sorry asses. You can’t, so you offer BS instead. That really is quite fine with me. I would expect nothing less. Define: Lame, Weak and ineffectual; unsatisfactory

    You do your best too fill these shoe’s.

  55. 55
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    I thought you were making up that Gateway Pundit quote. Sadly–but hilariously–you were not.

  56. 56
    Snarky Shark says:

    You can’t, so you offer BS instead

    BS is all you idiots deserve.
    Winger logic is not to be debated anymore, only mocked as it deserves to be. Watching all the sour-puss wingers coming in here and whining like little bitches is priceless.

    John musta struck a nerve eh?

  57. 57
    John Cole says:

    I thought you were making up that Gateway Pundit quote. Sadly—but hilariously—you were not.

    I gotta admit, it kinda pissed me off. It took me some time and thought to come up with all the stupid shit in this post, and then the gateway Pundit comes along, and in 10 seconds and with no effort, out Dumb and Dumbered me.

    It is like it is natural or something for him.

  58. 58

    […] There is an article in today’s Washington Post that just happens to be about Beauchamp’s unit, although he isn’t named. But Lt. Col. George A. Glaze, Beauchamp’s battalion commander is quoted. The same LTC Glaze the National Review quotes here. John Cole’s take on the article at Balloon Juice may be both the funniest AND most dead-on brilliant post of the year. (Thus far.) […]

  59. 59
    Dumbo says:

    Packs of skinny wild dogs trot past

    Oh how stupid stupid stupid these liberal elite are! Don’t they realize that Skinny Wild Dogs are the official national dog breed of Iraq? In fact, there are vicious battles going on within the AKC, as we speak, to see Skinny Wild Dogs admitted as a breed for official competitions. Skinny Wild Dogs may even win the next Westminster competition! And gossip has it, they love Eukanuba, which gives them the inside track with the judges, if you know what I mean (wink wink).

  60. 60
    Off Colfax says:

    Ummm… John?

    I hope you’re sitting down, because Teh Atrios Of Teh Left just linked to this one. And positively, too!

    Of course, we can’t have this individuality continuously expressed on what was once a loyal mouthpiece, much less receiving compliments from those damned lib’rulz.

    You must turn aside from your evil ways and be rejoined with the Conservative Collective. We will make your snark our own. Resistance is futile.

  61. 61
    tBone says:

    Your cast of lame fellowship does the same. Seem’s you nor they will ever venture beyond the writing of a known critic.

    The Fellowship of the Lame . . . finally we have a name for our group here. Now we just have to sort out who gets to be the wizard, the elf, the dwarf, the king, the traitor, the funny hobbit, the other funny hobbit, and the two gay hobbits. Get your nominations in now.

    Also, “Known Critic” – that’s a keeper. It’s going on the shelf right next to Known Truth.

    Thanks, JWW!

  62. 62
    JWW says:

    John,

    You never take the time or put any thought into your work. You only recycle something already in ink. Your band of idiots read your blog as a time saver. They get fed with what they want, praise each other, lick their nuts and go to bed.

  63. 63
    That American Chap says:

    I, for one, welcome our all-powerful insurgent overlords. I only hope that that the coming worldwide Caliphate can provide me with a burka that is sized not to chafe my Cheeto-swollen ass.

    Does anyone know if doughnuts are halal?

  64. 64
    Tim F. says:

    Very impressive, JWW. Several comments on and you haven’t yet actually said anything.

  65. 65
    Snarky Shark says:

    Speaking of whiney little bitches I give you-

    JWW Says:

    of course what he says is…….nothing

  66. 66
    Roger Ailes says:

    Is the Gateway Pundit’s first name “Jack”?

    If not, it should be. For the sake of verisimilitude.

  67. 67
    JWW says:

    I guess reading is not what you all have in common.

    John has a very good writing style, seems to have an intelligent thought process. Why does he only conclude and write in one direction? Why is his calling of the day to post someone elses articles? John, do your own work, your own research, expand your reading and express equal content.

    I rag on you guys because it’s easy. Your retorts are about as effective as knobby tires on an Indy track. You are focused in one direction only.

  68. 68
    Dr. Wu says:

    Clearly, this “reporter” is just bitter because the local rug merchant wouldn’t honor his “5 rugs for $5” coupon.

  69. 69
    jake says:

    You do your best too fill these shoe’s.

    Fill these shoe’s what? Don’t leave us hanging man.

  70. 70
    Tim F. says:

    I rag on you guys because it’s easy.

    When you start ragging, be sure to let me know. Right now you’re whining.

  71. 71
    JWW says:

    Hey Dr Woo,

    Retort comment above speaks plainly through your words. You have such a creative mind.

  72. 72
    Zuzu says:

    I’m pretty sure we won’t get to the bottom of this until we check Sgt. Alarcon’s wedding registry.

    Best Beauchamp post ever, by the way.

  73. 73
    jake says:

    Maj. Winfield S. Danielson III
    Press Desk Officer
    Multinational Force – Iraq

    Press Desk Officer sounds a lot like Keyboard Kommando to this American.

  74. 74
    JWW says:

    T French,
    As to John’s post!

    Beauchamp should have gotten a severe ass kicking by his peers. Then with enough said, things go back to normal. You wake up, complete the mission, and prepare for the next day. Let it rest, he is no different than many in the past. They dig in, drive on or fall by the wayside. But it happens that each day we expand technology, we transmit more information. Imagine for a moment if the sights and sounds of WWII could have been transmitted at current technology standards. Let it go

    True: In bars outside every major military post in the US, soldiers tell stories, true, exaggerated and total lies. Each soldier has a reason for the tale, maybe because they want someone to be informed, maybe too impress someone, maybe to get a piece of ass. Beauchamp went outside the bar and decided too lie, but he lied to the world.

  75. 75
    R. Porrofatto says:

    Excellent skewering of an obviously biased and typically American-hating WaPo article. The road this Bolivian soldier so cavierly despises was bought and paid for with the blood and sacrifice of patriots — real men whose countless furious fingers type bravely day and night without respite, just because their country needs them to. At so dear a cost, that road is now an American road. Hate that road and you hate America.

    Mr. Cole, I can only hope that this post helps you achieve the ultimate goal in this Clash of Civilizations that we all so tirelessly work for with such selfless dedication: a sit-down satellite interview on Fox, hopefully with Neil Cavuto.

  76. 76

    […] Man on left: John Cole of Balloon Juice […]

  77. 77
    bob says:

    Were there any photos in that America-hating WaPo article? Because if there were I can tell you from experience that they were clearly photoshopped.

  78. 78
    Steve J. says:

    John,

    Thanx for the yucks!

    :-)

    Steve J.

  79. 79
    JWW says:

    I take it that all the ever endearing brain matter has gone too rest. I bid you a good night’s sleep. Rest in the comfort, warmth, and the relative safety your country has provided. Even though you have lost all faith in her, many defend what she is. John, when you wake in the morning, have your coffee, read your paper, surf for BS too print, find a way to have faith. We really are not as evil as you portray, we can be, but we ae not.

  80. 80
    tBone says:

    Retort comment above speaks plainly through your words. You have such a creative mind.

    I’ve finally cracked the JWW code. Just read his posts as though he assembled them from a random assortment of fortune cookies. They make so much more sense that way.

  81. 81
    JWW is apparently a cultist says:

    Dude, get a grip. Accept the eventuality of being wrong.

    You hitched your cart to the wrong horse. You are going to suffer psychic pain as a result. Don’t let that fact drive you insane.

  82. 82
    Sybil says:

    Me thinketh JWW doth protest to mucheth

    Mr multi-directional viewer, please go lay down and comb your nappy

    Everyone’s in on to the fact you come here to load up on other peoples ideas so you can roll them around with the BB’s in your hollow spot and tumble them as though you’re a wing-tard geomancer. So you can’t pull the sword from the stone? Hey could be woise! Better luck next time … and now that nap … anyone got some bourbon for JWW’s bah bah?

  83. 83
    TenguPhule says:

    Rest in the comfort, warmth, and the relative safety your country has provided and know that you can now be abducted in the night by HLS, tortured to death in another country and nobody in the government will ever be held responsible because OMGTEHTERRORESTSAREHUNDATHEBED!!

    I look forward to President Empress Hillary’s ‘disappearing’ Republican Operatives if only to get the other side to realize just how far into slavery they’ve sold this country.

  84. 84
    Wilfred says:

    Just read his posts as though he assembled them from a random assortment of fortune cookies.

    And then add: In bed.

  85. 85
    aimai says:

    “HLS?” isn’t that “harvard law school?” Are they in the kidnapping and torturing biz? (aside from charlie fried, I mean).

    ROTFLMAO

    aimai

  86. 86
    ActualRealPatriotAmericanGoreSucksRedStateMan says:

    Everyone knows that Sunni dogs do no travel in Shiite areas. Notice the traitor-reporter’s emphasis on the dogs’ skinniness rather than their exultation in a democratic canine Iraq. More lies from the MSM exposed. Now where are my cheetos? Mom! Did you take my cheetos?

  87. 87

    […] UPDATE: John Cole puts it best: I am tired of being patient with you nannies and your stupid self-serving rules and your slippery slopes and your bullshit and your need to be tough on crime and your earnest concerns about society. Mind your own business, get your own house in order, stop fucking interns and little boys and cheating on your wives and on your taxes and being found dead wearing two wetsuits with a dildo shoved up your ass. Just mind your own damned business, and let people do what they must to deal with their own screwed up lives, and let people handle their pain the best way they can. […]

  88. 88
    John Rohan says:

    Pardon me for crashing this party with a small amount of “clue” for the group, but there’s a big difference between what you wrote above and what people like me wrote about Beauchamp. Some of us actually had solid reasons for not believing him (even before the memos were leaked to Drudge). For example:
    http://shieldofachilles.blogsp.....ublic.html

    I know it pisses of Mr. Cole that Beauchamp’s critics have been proven right again and again, but here’s some advice. If you are going to keep chiming in the controversy, it would help greatly to have a couple people around who have, you know, actually been to Iraq. Even your sarcasm above could use a little work.

  89. 89
    jake says:

    Shorter Rohan: “I’m irrelevant.”

  90. 90
    chopper says:

    i googled Victor Alarcon, and apparently he’s also a set and production designer in latin american cinema.

    so he’s obviously a member of the america-hating hollywood scene.

    he sure gets around!

  91. 91
    tBone says:

    I know it pisses of Mr. Cole that Beauchamp’s critics have been proven right again and again, but here’s some advice. If you are going to keep chiming in the controversy, it would help greatly to have a couple people around who have, you know, actually been to Iraq. Even your sarcasm above could use a little work.

    Retort comment above speaks plainly through your words. Don’t ask, don’t say. Everything lies in silence.

  92. 92
    Michael says:

    Did you have to hit yourself over the head repeatedly with a ballpeen hammer to write that? I mean, that sounds like something straight from Don Surber or Jules Crittenden.

    Except, of course, they would have meant every word.

    Salut!

  93. 93
    Xanthippas says:

    Some of us actually had solid reasons for not believing him (even before the memos were leaked to Drudge).

    If by “solid reasons” you mean “mostly baseless, wild and personal speculation” then yes, you are correct.

  94. 94
    Janet says:

    Wouldn’t say “Hot Chicks?” Probably right. With these guys being away from home for 15 months they probably said something much cruder. This guy apparently NEVER gets laid.

  95. 95
    Zachary S says:

    In Iraq we rarely had radio silence, whether it was jokes or comments about conditions, we were almost always talking. Our SOP forbid it too, I’m sure. But one must improvise to stay awake somehow. Besides, radio silence during a 4 to 10 hour convoy is completely impossible. This article is ridiculous.

  96. 96
    Dr Rick says:

    You are focused in one direction only.

    It’s called reality

  97. 97
    CWhite says:

    Just for giggles …

    Back in the ’60s Army, in convoys, we used to key the microphone and say “What the F**K, OVER” … Just to piss off the more up-tight officers.

  98. 98
    erkd1 says:

    Channeling the neocon spirit with such accuracy does have the danger of John Cole “going native” and joining the poo-flinging primitives. Someone call Rush and get some stand-by medication.

  99. 99
    Andy says:

    Interesting how tighty-righties like JWW and Mr. Rohan don’t dispute the facts, they just throw out insults, opinion links to recycled talking points, and attacks on the messenger.

    And, in JWW’s case, two words: grammar lessons.

  100. 100

    […] Enter John Cole, whose sarcasm-laced send up of such silliness got me at the right moment. Why couldn’t [the Washington Post] instead spend these pages talking about all the happy soldiers or discussing all the soldiers who did not get killed or blown up? Now granted, the fellow writing this piece is just a reporter, and not an anonymous diarist ostensibly adding color, but I think that reporters and news organizations should have to live up to the strict standards of evidence set by Greater Wingnuttia® for anonymous color commentators… […]

  101. 101
    Kirk says:

    Winger logic is not to be debated anymore, only mocked as it deserves to be.

    Exactly.

  102. 102

    […] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerptFortunately, there are other patriots willing to brave this filth, such as McQ at Q and O, who managed to read through this obvious enemy propaganda from the WaPo and still come up with a positive message: … […]

  103. 103

    If John Cole wants to be a patriot, I suggest he exchange his laptop for an M-16 and join the “happy soldiers.” Me. Cole can become a patriot and a man like our brave soldiers if he has the courage they have displayed.

    The next post should come from Iraq where Mr. Cole has hopefully joined our military and is giving back to America. In 1967, one of every two Americans served in our military. Now one in every 850 citizens are serving in our military. America has lost it soul because there is no patriotism. Immigrants come to America today and say not, “what can I do for America, but what can America do for me?”

    Reinstating the “Draft” should compel patriotism!

    Bon Voyage!

    M. Delphia Block

  104. 104
    Tim F. says:

    John’s a veteran, moron.

  105. 105
    Anna Keppa says:

    Now that TNR has finally fessed up to fabulist Beauchamp’s “just so” stories, do any of you snarky soldier haters feel you’ve soiled yourselves in public?

    Nahhhh…that would require a sense of shame.

  106. 106
    JohnR says:

    Reading Mr. Cole’s posts is fun, but reading the comments is even better. I particularly like JWW’s deadpan humor; he’s got the lunatic right-wing delivery down cold. On the surface, it seems to be coherent, but when you dig into it, there’s an uncanny disconnect from any recognizable reality. It takes a real master of satire to reach that level – I just hope that he doesn’t end up losing his sense of self, like so many double agents do in those great stories of real life spying by John “Le”Carre’. Although I’m not sure that anyone could possibly tell. Still, I think he deserves recognition for his admirable efforts.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerptFortunately, there are other patriots willing to brave this filth, such as McQ at Q and O, who managed to read through this obvious enemy propaganda from the WaPo and still come up with a positive message: … […]

  2. […] Enter John Cole, whose sarcasm-laced send up of such silliness got me at the right moment. Why couldn’t [the Washington Post] instead spend these pages talking about all the happy soldiers or discussing all the soldiers who did not get killed or blown up? Now granted, the fellow writing this piece is just a reporter, and not an anonymous diarist ostensibly adding color, but I think that reporters and news organizations should have to live up to the strict standards of evidence set by Greater Wingnuttia® for anonymous color commentators… […]

  3. […] UPDATE: John Cole puts it best: I am tired of being patient with you nannies and your stupid self-serving rules and your slippery slopes and your bullshit and your need to be tough on crime and your earnest concerns about society. Mind your own business, get your own house in order, stop fucking interns and little boys and cheating on your wives and on your taxes and being found dead wearing two wetsuits with a dildo shoved up your ass. Just mind your own damned business, and let people do what they must to deal with their own screwed up lives, and let people handle their pain the best way they can. […]

  4. […] Man on left: John Cole of Balloon Juice […]

  5. […] There is an article in today’s Washington Post that just happens to be about Beauchamp’s unit, although he isn’t named. But Lt. Col. George A. Glaze, Beauchamp’s battalion commander is quoted. The same LTC Glaze the National Review quotes here. John Cole’s take on the article at Balloon Juice may be both the funniest AND most dead-on brilliant post of the year. (Thus far.) […]

  6. […] Plus John Cole conclusively proves victory is imminent. […]

  7. […] of our readers has pointed out that the soldier “allegedly” quoted here, Victor Alarcon, may in fact not be a soldierat all, but in reality is the Bolivian Cultural Attache. Now I am no geography expert, but that must be one hell of a commute for our alleged soldier. If the media wasn’t so insistent on seeing what they want to see, and instead would fact-check to make sure their biases are not showing, they would realize that this is yet another phony soldier, and all the had to do was a basic google search (and we know how important those are). […]

  8. More “Phony Soldiers” Talk About Iraq

    Time to send in Michelle Malkin to go harass the mothers and children of these clearly un-American guys. How dare they insult America like this! “When we first got here, all the shops were open. There were women and children…

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