Forrest Dumbass

Uncle Jimbo, still stupid as hell. You can almost see the shit-eating grin on his face as he wrote the post.

The new “Conservative”/Republican/War Party Credo:

“I hate big government, unless it is prosecuting speech I do not like.”






53 replies
  1. 1
    chopper says:

    what i love is how jimbo cited a dictionary.com definition of ‘betray’ to make his point.

    thing is, that’s one definition. there are 7 more on that page. of course, he picked the one that supported his nutty point. what a card.

    i’m sure this complaint will go far. it’s not like the ad flashed a boob or anything.

  2. 2
    coolcajun says:

    i’m sure this complaint will go far. it’s not like the ad flashed a boob or anything.

    Yes, thankfully a picture of the boob, Uncle Jimbo was not shown.

  3. 3
    jenniebee says:

    Grats to Uncle Jimbo for not understanding the difference between equal access for all candidates and equal access for all opinions.

    How they can complain about Soros with a straight face with Big Daddy Scaife paying the bills for think tanks and “news” magazines – not to mention covering the tab for the Paula Jones legal team, etc. – it just beggars the imagination how somebody could be so daft.

  4. 4
    Dug Jay says:

    I also liked his other comment on the opening remarks of General Petraeus: “Intolerance and Hate are part of their belief system…..But I’m not here to talk about MoveOn.org”

  5. 5
    Alan says:

    Yeah, I always hate it when supposed conservatives act like Democrats.

  6. 6
    demimondian says:

    Yeah, I always hate it when supposed conservatives act like Democrats.

    Yeah, I know. Being dedicated to principles like equality before the law, the protection of individual rights, limited government power…it’s awful when conservatives adopt those, isn’t it?

  7. 7
    Paul L. says:

    The new “Conservative”/Republican/War Party Credo:

    “I hate big government, unless it is prosecuting speech I do not like.”

    New credo?
    Have you forgetten McCain-Feingold campaign finance regulation?

  8. 8
    Tom Hilton says:

    Forrest Dumbass

    Yup…stupid is as stupid writes.

    I can’t wait ’til it turns out MoveOn got standard rates for what they were buying, and DiscountGate! (or is it DISCOUNTGATE!!!!? Hard to keep track) drops into the memory hole.

  9. 9
    Timmy T says:

    I don’t know about Uncle Jimbo’s boobs but the melons on that girl in the Ranger T-shirt are nice. Hey John when are you going to get some pictures like that?

  10. 10
    Ugh says:

    Is there a penalty for filing a meritless complaint with the FEC?

  11. 11
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    He should rename himself Don Quixote. Of course it will be the fault of George Soros and the Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy that his complaint to the FEC doesn’t result in the immediate shutdown of the New York Times.

  12. 12
    JWeidner says:

    Man. I buy ad space for my company in some of the trade pubs. Deep discounts are not unusual and can depend on a variety of factors.

    I routinely buy full pages in one specific publication and get about half the published rate. Of course, I also don’t go through an agency, so my rates don’t get marked up 15% (standard markup provided by a publication to an agency, which the agency then pockets – ie, the difference between gross and net rates).

    The problem is that no matter what a rate card says, there’s a LOT of play in those rates. Ad salespeople have a lot of latitude (in my experience) to move rates down depending on a number of factors, such as the frequency of a client’s buys, or whether space is still available as the closing date approaches. I mean, a publication would rather sell a deeply discounted ad, rather than have no ad at all for the space – it’s not like a publication can just pull one page out of a layout. It’s all a question of situation and negotiation.

    I’m sure Jimbo thinks he’s being real clever. Good for him. It apparently hasn’t hit him that this is a sword that could cut both ways. Dumbass.

  13. 13
    Jake says:

    Dear Folks,

    I’m a thick wad of idiocy who couldn’t take time out from my busy schedule of ass scratching to look up the name of your General Counsel, but the President says “folks,” so that’ll have to be good enough for you.

    Due to a chronic condition called being a giant, festering jackass I’m sending you a compliant that doesn’t come within your purview because, well, I hate liberals and I know you hate liberals or you wouldn’t have a job in this administration. Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck.

    Wait, I forgot, filing a complaint isn’t the point. Here’s the point:

    The complaint will rattle around the GC’s office for a while because 1. Jimbo knows there’s no appropriate division within the FEC GC’s office, 2. No one will at the FEC will be eager to guess which division ought to receive it and, 3. Who the fuck would take a communication that begins Dear Folks, and bears the handle Jimbo seriously?

    But, in a few weeks Jimbo will complain that the FEC is dragging its feet on his ringing indictment of the NYT/MO.O.

    Maybe he’ll call the FEC or send another letter. I’m sure John will keep track and report back and hopefully he’ll wash his face and hands after because that kind of stupid might be catching.

    By November Jimbo will be frothing at the mouth because the FEC still hasn’t rushed to find NYT/MO.O guilty of treason and he’ll pester them until he gets a letter telling him what we all know and he damn well knows, to whit: Even if the FEC wanted it can’t do shit about it because it doesn’t have jurisdiction.

    And then he’ll have proof and known truth that the FEC is a bunch of traitorz, all of his faithful readers will give a 21 dick jerk off in recognition of his brilliance and it’ll be on to slay the next windmill.

    Victory!

  14. 14
    The Pirate says:

    These people literally make me feel like crying.

  15. 15
    laneman says:

    I’m sure John will keep track and report back and hopefully he’ll wash bathe his face and hands in hydrofluoric acid and scrub with a Brillo after because that kind of stupid might be catching.

    Had to fix it.

  16. 16
    The Pirate says:

    Like when he accuses a vast leftist media machine of mudslinging. I don’t even know what I would say to that, except, how can one man be so fucking stupid? The LEFT has a mudslinging media machine? The Right’s mudslinging machine is the fucking Mudslinger FusionTurbo 5000 and the Left’s making due with something on par with the cotton gin.

    I really don’t understand how someone can have such a distorted, hall-of-mirrors view of the world. Is there no drive for self-awareness in the human soul? Is there no shred of self-examination firing somewhere in these people’s synapses? Christ on a crutch.

  17. 17
    Bruce Moomaw says:

    They’d make me feel a lot more like crying if they comprised over 30% of the electorate (which, you’ll recall, was the same percentage that continued to defend Nixon immediately AFTER he was forced to resign).

    Now, let me show you guys something to cheer you up: Rasmussen’s poll yesterday found a 64-16 margin of voters thinking that the Feds should always have a search warrant before they ask Internet providers to provide a list of their customers. Evidently the voters aren’t quite as willing yet to sell out fundamental civil liberties as the Talking Heads keep assuring us (and the weak-spined Congressional Democrats apparently believe).

  18. 18

    I can do one better!

    us – pronoun

    1. the objective case of we, used as a direct or indirect object: They took us to the circus. She asked us the way.
    2. Informal. (used in place of the pronoun we in the predicate after the verb to be): It’s us!
    3. Informal. (used instead of the pronoun our before a gerund): She graciously forgave us spilling the gravy on the tablecloth.

    Damn them for spilling gravy on my tablecloth!

  19. 19
    Tsulagi says:

    The new “Conservative”/Republican/War Party Credo:

    “I hate big government, unless it is prosecuting speech I do not like.”

    Not only that he’s saying “I’m stupid with poor business skills so protect me.” Guess it only follows as he’s in the set that cries “Take all my liberties, just protect me from death.” Can’t stand these people.

    At least one Blackfive commenter brought brain cells to Uncle Jimbo’s table…

    Don’t overlook the possibility that Move-On simply negotiated a better rate than Freedom-watch, it is a competitive business. And did Freedom-watch place their ad directly with the newspaper or did it use an advertising agency? Generally direct is more expensive as an agency can leverage on pre-existing agreements.

    So if I do my homework then negotiate a great price on a new car in a dealership, but Uncle Jimbo waddles in right after me and cluelessly pays thousands more for the same car, he’d be writing letters to the authorities then too, right? Nannystater.

  20. 20
    chopper says:

    So if I do my homework then negotiate a great price on a new car in a dealership, but Uncle Jimbo waddles in right after me and cluelessly pays thousands more for the same car, he’d be writing letters to the authorities then too, right? Nannystater.

    but being smart about your purchases has a liberal bias, you see.

  21. 21
    Mike S says:

    It’s time to find out how much Ari’s group payed for the ad space during the Patreus commercial on Brit Hume’s show.

    No wait, we don’t need to find out. By wingnut rules we just need a few blogs to say they got a sweetheart deal while linking to each other. Then it’s established fact.

  22. 22
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    It will be interesting to see whether this dies down or whether the right wing blogosphere gives it wings. My guess is the former. They really can’t proclaim reverence for military service too loudly without answering for the right’s treatment of Max Cleland and John Kerry.

  23. 23
    jake says:

    They really can’t ^logically proclaim reverence for military service too loudly without answering for the right’s treatment of Max Cleland and John Kerry.

    And since we know that using logic ranks up there with burning Bibles, conducting same-sex orgies on a pile of aborted zygotes in a mosque all while chanting Osama bin Satan’s name, it will be damn the librul torpedos and full speed ahead on the United States of Wingnuttia OutRage!

  24. 24

    […] Balloon Juice. Posted by Jim Henley @ 7:34 pm, Filed under: Main « « I’m gonna clean up their looks with all the lies in thebooks | Main | […]

  25. 25

    Wow,

    I had no idea how freakin’ dense I am. Gracias all you enlightened superiors of mine.

    But I must insist that you bite me Mr. Cole; you aim ad hominems at me, and assume your points are granted.

    Not hardly fuzz nuts.

    Cordially,

    Uncle J

  26. 26
    John Cole says:

    You filed an FEC complaint based on the notion that you think something wrong was done, with no facts, evidence, or, well, ANYFUCKINGTHING to back it up.

    That you oppose McCain/Feingold makes it only slightly more humorous. Take your mocking, go back to your couch, and drool on yourself.

  27. 27
    Andrew says:

    Can’t we all just share some Hola Fruta?

  28. 28
    Tsulagi says:

    But I must insist that you bite me Mr. Cole

    Leave it to a widestancer to plead for bottom duty. But said in such a manly way.

  29. 29
    Oops! says:

    “Giuliani also suggested that MoveOn received a discount from The New York Times. The organization did not; they received the rate of $64,575 that the newspaper charges for a special advocacy, full-page, black and white, standby ad.”

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldlatest/story/0,,-6919844,00.html

    Ouch. If any of these people cared about facts, that would smart.

  30. 30
    chopper says:

    Uncle Jimbo Says:

    Wow,

    I had no idea how freakin’ dense I am. Gracias all you enlightened superiors of mine.

    don’t mention it. glad we could help.

  31. 31
    KCinDC says:

    Jimbo says:

    Ya’ see in order to be fair newspapers and TV aren’t allowed to discount political or advocacy ads so they cannot favor one side, well Hmmmmmm.

    If you discount all political or advocacy ads, then exactly how does that favor one side over another?

  32. 32
    Redleg says:

    It just goes to show you that so many so-called conservatives are nothing but a bunch of fucking whiners these days. Rather than complain about real problems (e.g., the fucked up war in Iraq, Bush’s incompetence, the economy), the wingers instead like to bash that ol’ liberal boogieman- the biased leftwing media. What a bunch of rubes.

    In a related matter, I saw a college republican flier at my university yesterday- it said something about “ending liberal bias.” I suppose it’s all right to have conservative bias.

  33. 33
    TenguPhule says:

    Shorter Uncle Jimbo: I love to suck on those nuts.

  34. 34
    grandpa john says:

    A question, do these middle school mentality morons think that this kind of idiocy is going to change the opinions of any one who lives in the sane and non-delusional world of reality ,or are they just seeing who can feed the most red meat to the beast of the 28% world

  35. 35
    Punchy says:

    It’s no wonder this guy is on edge….he’s a radical righty and he lives in Mad-town. The progressive:conservative ratio in Maddy has to be near 25:1, if not higher. Maybe he’s a Wisky student, I dunno. Would explain the obvious problem with alcohol and posting while drunk.

  36. 36
    chopper says:

    “Giuliani also suggested that MoveOn received a discount from The New York Times. The organization did not; they received the rate of $64,575 that the newspaper charges for a special advocacy, full-page, black and white, standby ad.”

    that’s brilliant. of course, it’s too late. this non-story got traction in the right-o-sphere and they’ll be pimping it for years to come.

    and we all die a little inside.

  37. 37
    r4d20 says:

    My favorite comment was the one that quotes Michael Geer’s Letter to the Editor in The American Thinker

    Early Communists correctly analyzed that they would never be able to produce victory over the West through force of arms. They deduced that in order to destroy us, they would have to attack like shadows. They would have to devise Other Means, Other War Fronts, Asymetric Struggles, Other Strategies and Other Tactics. In other words, redefine the field of battle. And that their war would be longer than mere generations because their war, the real war would be aimed at fundamentally turning us upside down inside and backwards until we turned on each other.
    ….
    This war is everywhere and in everything, like toxic clouds from Chernobyl. And you can see the fetid seeds of communism in every utterance of jihadists after you know his leaders were educated at the Sorbonne. Then we accurately analyze where the Left in this country gets its heat and light and support. From a multi-generational worldwide jihad that left its searing mark this day on our Nation. The real jihadist is not limited in scope to Islam. The real jihadist is the infectious disease carrier of shadows who may not even know whom he serves as he tears at our national foundations, mocks our brilliant military, sneers at the fundamentals of our nation and feasts on the idea of our defeat.

    WOW!

  38. 38
    r4d20 says:

    Another snippet.

    it is a devastating illumination that today’s radical Islamist is little more than the Left’s next great act in their Death Cult. Even as they shout the name of their god, they are fodder for the Revolutionary Ethos begun by Communists nearly a century ago.

    Get it? The Islamofascists are just tools of their communist overlords.

    Like I said … WOW!

  39. 39
    The Left says:

    I have a Death Cult? And a Revolutionary Ethos? And they’re both capitalized?

  40. 40
    Jake says:

    I had no idea how freakin’ dense I am. Gracias all you enlightened superiors of mine.

    So we gathered.

  41. 41
    r4d20 says:

    The Left,
    Don’t pretend you didn’t know. You’re one right clever bastard all right.

    Todd

  42. 42
    cleek says:

    The real jihadist is the infectious disease carrier of shadows who may not even know whom he serves as he tears at our national foundations, mocks our brilliant military, sneers at the fundamentals of our nation and feasts on the idea of our defeat.

    ack! more of that fucking awful puffed-up VDH/Tacitus gloriously-embattled war-fantasy-porn language. can someone send these gits back to 1940 (or 480BC) so they can live through the war they so desperately want this one to be ?

  43. 43
    cleek says:

    The real jihadist is the infectious disease carrier of shadows who may not even know whom he serves as he tears at our national foundations, mocks our brilliant military, sneers at the fundamentals of our nation and feasts on the idea of our defeat.

    wait… i can’t decide if it’s more fun to mock its wanna-be-Churchillian pomposity or to compare it to Nazi propaganda:

    In this way, they (the rats) spread disease, plague, leprosy, typhoid fever, cholera, dysentery, and so on. They are cunning, cowardly, and cruel, and are found mostly in large packs. Among the animals, they represent the rudiment of an insidious and underground destruction – just like the Jews among human beings.

  44. 44
    Pb says:

    Early Communists correctly analyzed that they would never be able to produce victory over the West through force of arms. They deduced that in order to destroy us, they would have to attack like shadows. They would have to devise Other Means, Other War Fronts, Asymetric Struggles, Other Strategies and Other Tactics. In other words, redefine the field of battle. And that their war would be longer than mere generations because their war, the real war would be aimed at fundamentally turning us upside down inside and backwards until we turned on each other.

    …and then they became neo-conservatives, formed PNAC, captured the Presidency, and started implementing this strategy, yes indeed…

    The real jihadistbedwetting wingnut follower is the infectious disease carrier of shadows who may not even know whom he serves as he tears at our national foundations, mocks our brilliant militarycitizenry, sneers at the fundamentals of our nation and feasts on the idea of our defeatpermanent war.

    Fixed!

  45. 45
    yet another jeff says:

    See, that indecision is just the hesitation they need to start shrieking about how Dems are afraid to act. Interesting strategy, throw a countless number of targets/bullshit at us and while we try to figure out where to start with the debunking, that’s when they blast for inaction.

  46. 46
    r4d20 says:

    cleek –

    I’m leaning towards the nazi stuff.

    This is NOT Churchillian – Churchill would have mocked this paranoid garbage.

    Its like Richard Hofstadter said:

    The enemy is clearly delineated: he is a perfect model of malice, a kind of amoral superman—sinister, ubiquitous, powerful, cruel, sensual, luxury-loving….He makes crises, starts runs on banks, causes depressions, manufactures disasters, and then enjoys and profits from the misery he has produced. … Very often the enemy is held to possess some especially effective source of power: he controls the press; he has unlimited funds; he has a new secret for influencing the mind (brainwashing); he has a special technique for seduction (the Catholic confessional).

    This fits the above rant to a T. This communist conspiracy reaches EVERYWHERE and yet is TOTALLY INVISIBLE and neither time nor events can deter it from single-mindedly pursuing its aim of destroying us simply because we represent all that is good and righteous in the world.

    The idea that Communists are “behind” Islamic radicals and that its all part of a secret master plan to undermine us that has been executed over generations without deviation is simply fucking paranoid and, at one time, would never have been published in a mainstream rightwing publication like the American Thinker.

    Not it is.

    Im seriously worried they are going to turn violent soon.

  47. 47
    Jake says:

    Get it? The Islamofascists are just tools of their communist overlords.

    Too much religion + Too much opium = Afghanistan =
    Religion is the opiate of the masses.

  48. 48
    Dreggas says:

    The Left Says:

    I have a Death Cult? And a Revolutionary Ethos? And they’re both capitalized?

    Man why didn’t someone tell me this? I mean I know I have a somewhat revolutionary view on things but I always wanted my own death cult!

  49. 49
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    I have a Death Cult? And a Revolutionary Ethos? And they’re both capitalized?

    Yeah, man, get with the program. I’ve been using those things as tax write-offs for years.

    Also, Death Cults come in very handy at work:

    BOSS: I’m going to assign this difficult, tedious, pointless project to you, and I need it–

    ME: [points to Death Cult, raises eyebrows]

    BOSS: …uh, as I was saying, I’m going to assign this to somebody else. You go take a three-hour lunch and expense it to the company.

  50. 50
    capelza says:

    r4d20 Says:

    This war is everywhere and in everything, like toxic clouds from Chernobyl. And you can see the fetid seeds of communism in every utterance of jihadists after you know his leaders were educated at the Sorbonne. Then we accurately analyze where the Left in this country gets its heat and light and support. From a multi-generational worldwide jihad that left its searing mark this day on our Nation. The real jihadist is not limited in scope to Islam. The real jihadist is the infectious disease carrier of shadows who may not even know whom he serves as he tears at our national foundations, mocks our brilliant military, sneers at the fundamentals of our nation and feasts on the idea of our defeat.

    Now imagine that done in the style of that Chris Crocker “Leave Britney Alone” vid. That is wingnuttia.

  51. 51
    r4d20 says:

    that Chris Crocker “Leave Britney Alone” vid

    Ok, Im at work so I cant see this thing yet but I bit the bullet and checked out an interview.

    He is, indeed, another part of the wingnut montage. WOW!

    N: You used to be friends with another Internet phenomenon, celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton. But you two had a falling out?

    C: We talked on the phone every day. It’s kind of like he said to me, “I don’t want to talk to you about Britney.” So I couldn’t talk to him as a friend anymore because we have such opposing opinions. If I can’t talk to someone about what I care about, see ya! I choose Britney over you. I would choose Britney over my mother.

    N: What advice would you give Britney Spears right now?

    C: Kind of what I said earlier, about tuning everyone out. She needs to find the performer in her that we all know is there. And you know if she’s not ready to break back into the music industry right now, she’ll always have her fans waiting. If she needs to focus on the kids, fine, we’ll be waiting.

    A few word changes and its an interview with tthe guys at powerline .

    Q: You used to be friends with another Internet phenomenon, political blogger John Cole. But you two had a falling out?

    JH: We talked on the phone every day. It’s kind of like he said to me, “I don’t want to talk to you about Bush.” So I couldn’t talk to him as a friend anymore because we have such opposing opinions. If I can’t talk to someone about what I care about, see ya! I choose Bush over you. I would choose Bush over my mother.

    Q: What advice would you give George Bush right now?

    JH: Kind of what I said earlier, about tuning everyone out. He needs to find the president in him that we all know is there. And you know if he’s not ready to break back into the reality industry right now, he’ll always have his fans waiting.

    Q: Tuning everyone out…growing up in a small town as a gay kid who wears makeup, I’m guessing you’re speaking from experience.

    JH: Yes. Intimately personal experience.

  52. 52
    Pb says:

    r4d20,

    And then, of course, there’s this:

    “Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens.” — Britney Spears, 9/03/03

  53. 53
    jake says:

    Hot.

    Britney over my mother.

    Not.

    Bush over my mother

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