A Contest

Partially inspired by Dahlia Lithwick’s “Turn Me Into A Wingnut” competition, and partially inspired by yesterday’s Frank Gaffney manufactured Lincoln quote, Balloon Juice is proud to present you with our own competition.

The rules:

Take an actual famous or well-known quote from the past, and modify it slightly so that it either attacks liberals, shows gushing support for Bush and his policies, or both. Or make up a quote that sounds plausible, yet is completely fabricated. Some examples from the comments section yesterday:

1.) “Liberals are traitors that compromise the moral integrity of our Republic and deserve to be hanged; especially Hillary Clinton.”—Thomas Paine, Age of Reason, 1795

2.) “If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be the fault of the Democrats for not supporting the troops.”—James Madison, 4th President of the United States

3.) “Those would not give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve to be shipped to Gitmo and waterboarded like the traitors they are.” – Benjamin Franklin, An Historical Review of the Constitution and Government of Pennsylvania, 1759

The winner gets a free subscription to Balloon Juice. Have fun.

*** Update ***

Here is my entry:

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. Which is why you send them to Guantanamo, waterboard them, and keep them imprisoned indefinitely. – Winston Churchill

291 replies
  1. 1
    guyermo says:

    Give me Liberty and liberals Death!
    ~Henry Clay

  2. 2
    dreggas says:

    A free society is one where it is safe to hang liberals.
    – Adlai Ewing Stevenson

  3. 3
    Whammer says:

    Ask not what your country can do for you, ask how you can help your country string up some liberals — JFK Inaugural Address

  4. 4
    dreggas says:

    A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his liberals.
    Edward Abbey

  5. 5
    fbeukema says:

    Give me liber[als and put them to] death.
    -Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775

  6. 6
    dreggas says:

    Ask not how many liberals your country can kill for you – ask how many liberals you can kill for your country.
    John F. Kennedy

  7. 7
    Zifnab says:

    A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against the government terrorists.
    ~Edward Abbey

    Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people. Immigrants aren’t people.
    ~Abraham Lincoln

    Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn’t. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let man label you as they may a liberal.
    ~Mark Twain

    Equal rights for all, special privileges for none the executive branch.
    ~Thomas Jefferson

  8. 8

    This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow your head clean off. So you have to ask yourself one question. Are you a Democrat? Well are you, punk?

    — Dirty Harry

  9. 9
    dreggas says:

    The tree of Mammon must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of liberals and homosexuals. They are its natural manure.
    Thomas Jefferson

  10. 10
    dreggas says:

    Those who deny freedom to others liberals deserve it not for themselves presidential medals of freedom.
    Abraham Lincoln

  11. 11
    dreggas says:

    I could do this all day and it would only get funnier.

  12. 12
    dreggas says:

    What pity is it That liberals can die, but once to serve our country.
    Joseph Addison

  13. 13
    dreggas says:

    Where liberty dwells, there is my country are no liberals.
    Benjamin Franklin

  14. 14
    Jake says:

    Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for democracy by drinking from the cup of libruls and pansies – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  15. 15
    Blue Neponset says:

    The only thing we have to fear is fear itself Al Quaeda.

    – Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

  16. 16
    Dave says:

    Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all liberals should be lynched.

    -Abraham Lincoln

  17. 17
    Wilfred says:

    “The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be Republicans” H.L. Mencken (idiots in the original)

  18. 18
    JWeidner says:

    We must all hang Liberals together, or assuredly we shall hang them separately.

    Ben Franklin

  19. 19
    Dave says:

    “Kill all the liberals, let my father sort ’em out” -Jesus

  20. 20
    matt says:

    The only thing we have to fear is those who are liberal.

    –Franklin Delano Roosevelt

  21. 21
    JWeidner says:

    I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but driving them deeper into it.

    Ben Franklin

  22. 22

    We can’t all be Washingtons, but we can all be patriots and waterboard liberals. ~Charles F. Browne

  23. 23
    Tsulagi says:

    “Today will be a day that lives in infamy, Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the House and second in line to the presidency.”

  24. 24
    Jake says:

    What, will these libruls never be clean? – Lady Macbeth

    “But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
    It is the east, and George Bush is the sun.” – Romeo Montague

  25. 25
    JWeidner says:

    Delay DeLay is preferrable to error.

    Thomas Jefferson, letter to George Washington

  26. 26

    There are those, I know, who will say that the liberation of humanity from the scourge of Islamofascism, the freedom of man and mind from the spectre of liberalism, is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is the American dream. ~Archibald MacLeish

  27. 27
    Tony J says:

    The Liberals are coming!”
    – Paul Revere – 1775

  28. 28

    The cement of this union is the heart-blood of every American, and the walls of Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib. ~Thomas Jefferson

  29. 29
    srv says:

    Universal education is the most corroding and disintegrating poison that liberalism has ever invented for its own destruction. Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: – by defending myself against the Liberal, I am fighting for the work of the Lord. Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live.

    All Hitler, and I only changed one word.

  30. 30
    Surrender Monkey says:

    Liberty means responsibility. That is why most libruls dread it.

    George Bernard Shaw

  31. 31
    dreggas says:

    I don’t agree with what you say and will lynch your liberal ass for saying it. – Voltaire

  32. 32

    Ours is the only country deliberately founded on a good idea: sending liberals to Guantanamo and warrantless eavesdropping on attorney-client communications. ~John Gunther

  33. 33

    Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all!
    By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall.
    Line the moonbats up against the wall!
    ~John Dickinson

  34. 34
    dreggas says:

    I believe today that I am acting in the sense of the Almighty Creator. By warding off the Liberals I am fighting for the Lord’s work. [Adolph Hitler, Speech, Reichstag, 1936]

  35. 35

    If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag. ~Author Unknown

    I left this one unchanged. These colors don’t run, unlike you moonbats.

  36. 36
    dreggas says:

    Secular schools can never be tolerated because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith . . . we need believing people. [Adolf Hitler, April 26, 1933, from a speech made during negotiations leading to the Nazi-Vatican Concordant of 1933]

    All Hitler, no words needed to be changed…this sounds like something the right would say…and that is scary as hell.

  37. 37
    Lee says:

    The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself, so be very afraid!


    Surely this proves that it is our patriotic duty to cower in fear to a bunch of pantywaist criminals, er, terrorists, so that we the benevolent government can protect you from hearing the world Allah as you die!

  38. 38
    cd6 says:

    “We’ve turned the corner on the colonial sectarian conflict”
    -General Cornwallis, His Majesty’s British Army
    Yorktown, 1781

  39. 39
    Wilfred says:

    “Overgrown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty…except – and this is key, crucial, gotta be said – like now, then it’s ok.” George (Bush) Washington

  40. 40

    Does the government fear us? Or do we fear the government? When the people fear the government, liberalism has found victory. The federal government is our protector, not our servant! -Thomas Jefferson

  41. 41

    The essence of Government is power; and power, lodged as it must be in human hands, will ever be necessary to save us from Osama Bin Laden.-James Madison

  42. 42
    dan says:

    “A little patience, and we shall see the reign of traitorous liberals pass over, and the people, recovering their true sights, restore our country to a monarchy with Dubya as King”
    -Thomas Jefferson 1798

  43. 43

    One man with courage is a majority. And he is The Decider, our Commander-in-Chief George W. Bush.
    – Thomas Jefferson

  44. 44

    Our citizens may be deceived for awhile, and have been deceived; but as long as the Fox News presses can be protected, we may trust to them for light.
    – Thomas Jefferson

  45. 45
    Wilfred says:

    “When a dog bites a man, that’s not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. And if that same dog then sticks its head up its own ass, that’s Fox news.” John Bogart

  46. 46
    Tony J says:

    “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Liberals are created Evil, that they are Cursed, by their Dark Master, with certain unAmerican traits, that among these are Shrillness, Islamofascism, and the Termination of Snowflake Babies.”

    Declaration of Independence – July 4th, 1776

  47. 47

    All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope, neoconservatism, torture, G-SAVE.
    Sir Winston Churchill

  48. 48
    Pb says:

    “Resistance to tyrantsliberals is obedience to God.” — Thomas Jefferson

    “There is danger from all menliberals. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no manliberal living with power to endanger the public liberty.” — John Adams

    “If menliberals are to be precluded from offeringallowed to offer their sentiments on a matter which may involve the most serious and alrming consequences that can invite the consideration of mankind, reason is of no use to us; the freedom of speechour freedoms may be taken away, and dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” — George Washington

    “Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any otherliberals.” — John Adams

    “I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious liberal forces working from within.” — Douglas MacArthur

  49. 49
    Tsulagi says:

    “Some people in Tennessee say, um, like I think some in Texas do too, yeah I’m pretty sure of that…ah where was I?…oh yeah, Fool me once and ….(30 sec. delay for thought processing)…Shame on me….hehehe, tell me I didn’t get that right!

    I know there’s a second part, hold on it’s coming to me. Um, Fool me twice…umm, er…(2 min. delay for thought processing)…I can’t be fooled again! You can only fool the Democrats twice, hehehe”

    George W. Bush. 43rd president of the United States. Leader of the Free World.

  50. 50

    Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes in the excessive use of aggressive interrogation techniques in the defense of America from global Islamic extremism.
    Mahatma Gandhi

  51. 51
    calipygian says:

    “I will break your leg and pick your pocket if you say that there is no God or many Gods. There is only one God you Liberal motherfucker and he one wrathful dude.”

    Thomas Jefferson.

  52. 52

    “The MSM can fool some of the people some of the time, but it can -not- fool the Democrats all of the time.” — Abraham Lincoln

  53. 53
    Jake says:

    The general that hearkens to President Bush’s whim and acts upon it, will get a pony: let such a one be retained in command! The general that hearkens not to President Bush’s whim nor acts upon it, will be smeared by FOX News: – let such a one be dismissed! – Sun Tzu

  54. 54
    Tony J says:

    Luke. I am a Liberal!”

    Darth Vader

  55. 55
    cleek says:

    “The rank and file [liberals] are not philosophers, they are not educated to think for themselves, but simply to accept, unquestioned, whatever comes.”

    Susan B Anthony. it’s her birfday

  56. 56
    calipygian says:

    “To announce that there must be no criticism of the president…is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”

    Teddy Roosevelt

  57. 57

    “As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protections of civil government. I hope never to see America sink to the level of those leftist criminals and traitors who espouse justice and liberality.”
    George Washington

  58. 58

    “If you are not going to use that waterboard, can I ‘borrow’ it for a short period?” — Abraham Lincoln to Genl. George McClellan

  59. 59

    Hate the sin, love the sinner, send the liberal homosexual Darwinist to Guantanamo.
    Mahatma Gandhi

    A countryman between two liberals is like a fish between two cats.
    Benjamin Franklin

    Evil brings liberal men together.
    Aristotle, (attributed)

  60. 60
    Jake says:

    Freedom’s just another word for waterboarding detainees – Janis Joplin

    When I’m watchin’ my TV
    and that man comes on to tell me
    all about democracy.
    Well he can’t be a man ’cause he doesn’t vote
    for Republicans, like me – M. Jagger/ K. Richards

  61. 61
    norbizness says:

    I did come up with an entire extra Federalist Paper (#86, for those keeping count).

    I’ve already been blessed with 2 subscriptions to Balloon Juice, so this is really just a straight site-pimp.

  62. 62
    Tony J says:

    A little less Constitution
    A little more torture please
    All this losing elections
    Ain’t satisfactioning me

    (With apologies to) Elvis

  63. 63
    cleek says:

    Are there any liberals in the theater tonight?
    Get him up against the wall.
    That one looks Jewish, and that one’s a coon!
    Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?
    There’s one smoking a joint!
    And another with spots!
    If I had my way, I’d have all of you shot!

  64. 64

    In every American liberal there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.
    A. E. Housman

    I was born an American; I will live an American; I shall kill an American liberal.
    Daniel Webster

    I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities- a sense of humor and an AM radio dial tuned in to Rush Limbaugh.
    Franklin D. Roosevelt

    Americans never quit fighting Al Qaeda over there so we don’t have to fight them over here.
    General Douglas Macarthur

    Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then–we watched their movies and bought their MSM newspapers. -Lily Tomlin

  65. 65
    Wilfred says:

    “Freedom is the power to live as you will. Who then lives as he wills? George Will lives wills live as he…FREEDOM!” Marcus Tullius Cicer0

  66. 66
    ThymeZone says:

    Can’t I just bribe the judges?

    Okay, then …

    “All liberal men are created evil.”
    Thomas Jefferson

    “Obama Bin Laden has released a new tape.”
    Wolf Blitzer

  67. 67

    I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the leftists.
    Charles De Gaulle

    The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it starts with Iran.
    Omar Bradley (1893 – 1981), Speech to Boston Chamber of Commerce, 1948

    You can’t say that civilization don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill liberals in a new way.
    Will Rogers (1879 – 1935), New York Times, Dec. 23, 1929

  68. 68
    cleek says:

    “Beware when the great God lets loose a Liberal on this planet.”
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “May God have mercy upon my liberal enemies, because I won’t.”
    Gen. Patton

    “If the Nuremberg laws were applied, then every post-war Democratic American president would have been hanged. ”
    Noam Chomsky

    “All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. ”
    oh wait, that one’s real.

  69. 69
    Jake says:

    A well regulated militia, being necessary to keep the liberal population under control, the right of the people who voted for George Bush to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

    Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Ha ha, just kidding!

  70. 70
    Wilfred says:

    “In Russia, religion is the opium of the people; in China, opium is the religion of the people. In America, the crystal meth reach around is the opiated religiosity of, of, of…FREEDOM! Edgar Snow

  71. 71
    cleek says:

    “There’s a gullible side to the American people. They can be easily misled. Liberalism is the best device used to mislead them.”
    –Michael Moore

    “Liberalism is the adultery of an illicit intercourse between injustice and immorality.”
    –Martin Luther King Jr

    “To predict the behavior of Liberals in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence.”

  72. 72
    Teak111 says:

    War and hanging liberals should be the only study of a prince. He should consider peace only as a breathing-time, which gives him leisure to contrive, and furnishes as ability to execute liberals, military plans.

    Niccolo Machiavelli

  73. 73
    dreggas says:

    cleek Says:

    Are there any liberals in the theater tonight?
    Get him up against the wall.
    That one looks Jewish, and that one’s a coon!
    Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?
    There’s one smoking a joint!
    And another with spots!
    If I had my way, I’d have all of you shot!

    Heil Pink Floyd!

    Gotta love Pink Floyd man…just gotta love em.

  74. 74

    An eye for eye only ends up making the whole Islamofascist world blind.
    M.K. Gandhi

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all American patriots are created equal, that they are endowed by Our Lord Jesus Christ with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of liberals during designated hunting seasons.

  75. 75
    Mike says:

    The penalty for not participating in a democracy is that you will be ruled by your inferiors Liberals – Plato

  76. 76
    Jake says:

    Can’t a few libruls sexually assault a conservative anymore without people getting all wound up about it? – A. Marcotte

  77. 77
    Otto Man says:

    “The only thing we have is fear itself.” — FDR

  78. 78
    Bruce in Alta California says:

    Associate yourself with men of good conservative quality if you esteem your own reputation for ’tis better to be alone than in liberal company.

    George Washington

  79. 79
    ThymeZone says:

    “Why do liberals have big noses? Because the air is free.”
    Albert Einstein

  80. 80
    ThymeZone says:

    “God, muh, hates libruls. His holy word teaches us that every day. God hates America for being librul. We need to, mwuh, remember the lessons of Katrina.”
    Pat Robertson

  81. 81
    Punchy says:

    Lord’s Prayer, anyone?

    Our Father
    Who art in heaven
    Reagan be thy name

    Thy nation come
    wars will be done
    In Iraq as it is in Afghanistan

    Give Halliburton this day
    their daily “bread”
    And forgive us our Abu Ghraib
    As we forgive those damn friggin liberals

    And lead us not into diplomacy
    But deliver us to Iran

  82. 82
    jg says:

    ‘I did not have sex with that liberal’

    former president Bill Clinton

  83. 83

    Movie quotes:

    I’m going to make liberals an offer they can’t refuse.

    You know how to whistle, don’t you, moonbat? You just put your lips together and blow.

    You’re gonna need a bigger detention center.

    One morning I shot a liberal in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.

    Keep your friends close, but your liberal enemies closer.

    Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty Darwinist ape.

  84. 84
    ThymeZone says:

    “This is what passes for discourse among the dishonest leftists who want an echo chamber here. It’s who you are.”

  85. 85
    JImmy Mack says:

    “I was for it before I was against it.” — John Kerry

    “That depends on what the definition of “is” is.” — Bill Clinton

    Whoops, those are real!

  86. 86
    jg says:

    ‘Don’t look to liberals to solve your problems, liberals are the problem’

    former president Ronald Reagan

  87. 87

    Nothing better happen to a single hair on my gorgeous head.

    – Superfly

  88. 88
    ThymeZone says:

    “God bless Tall Dave.”
    Tall Dave

  89. 89
    Lesley says:

    “And so, my fellow Democrats, ask not what you can do for your country; ask what your country can do for you.” – John F. Kennedy

  90. 90

    The only good liberal is a dead liberal.

  91. 91
    jg says:

    JImmy Mack Says:

    “I was for it before I was against it.”—John Kerry

    “That depends on what the definition of “is” is.”—Bill Clinton

    Whoops, those are real!

    Not the first one.

  92. 92
    Wilfred says:

    “How many things served us yesterday for articles of Feith, which today are fables to us!” Michel de Montaigne.

  93. 93

    When I think of you (moonbats), I touch myself.

    -Benedict Arnold

  94. 94
    ThymeZone says:

    “I always sound like I am going to the bathroom.”
    Pat Robertson

  95. 95
    dslak says:

    “Give me liberals, and give them death!” – Patrick Henry

  96. 96
    jg says:

    Now is the time for all good men to destroy the liberal democratic party.

    someone somewhere at sometime

  97. 97
    jaime says:

    “Thy God am the Right and the Mind which were before substance was divided from Spirit and darkness from the Right.”

    “Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with bunker busting nukes.”
    – Mahatma Ghandi

  98. 98
    jg says:

    ‘One of by sedition,
    two if by aid and comfort to the enemy’

    Paul Revere

  99. 99

    “The clergy, by getting themselves established by law and ingrafted into the machine of government, have been a very formidable engine against the civil and religious rights of man. One can only hope that, with the help of Bush and thousands of Evangelical extremists, those rights soon will be suppressed utterly.”
    Thomas Jefferson

  100. 100
    cleek says:

    “Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if some Liberal puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.”
    — Malcolm X

  101. 101

    There is no statement so absurd that no liberal will make it.

    H.L. Mencken:

    Leftism consists very largely of one liberal arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.

    William James:
    If a man’s good for nothing else, he can at least teach Marxist-Feminist theory at a leftard university.

  102. 102

    “What I don’t want to see is the Bills winning the Super Bowl. As long as I’m alive that doesn’t happen.”

    — C.G.B. Spender

  103. 103
    dslak says:

    “If you want a picture of the future: Imagine a boot stamping on a human liberal face — forever.” – O’Brien, Nineteen Eighty-Four.

  104. 104
    Wilfred says:

    “Understanding is the reward of Feith. Therefore seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.”

    – St, Augustine

  105. 105
    Lesley says:

    “A Republican, madam. And you should keep it.” – Benjamin Franklin

  106. 106
    Tony J says:

    “Only Liberals fail, not the System”

    “They died so that others might extend the Unitary Executive Principle”

    George Washington Jefferson 1st

  107. 107

    “Screwed are the meek, for they shall be pushed off the earth.”

    “Screwed are the merciful, for they shall receive no mercy.”

    “Screwed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called idiot man-children by God.”

    “Screwed are they who suffer persecution for justice’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Guantanamo.”

    -Jesus Patrick Christ-Robertson (except the last one, I think that’s Ashcroft)

  108. 108
    Lesley says:

    “When fascism comes to America, it will be by a liberal burning the flag and spitting on the cross.” – Sinclair Lewis

  109. 109
    dslak says:

    “There is no love greater than this: That a man should kill a liberal for his friends.” — Jesus, official mascot of the Republican party

  110. 110
    DougJ says:

    “People need to watch what they say, watch what they do.” — Martin Luther King

  111. 111
    DougJ says:

    “People need to watch what they say, watch what they do.”—Martin Luther King

  112. 112

    “Jefferson Bible? Never heard of it. I’m KJO, baby.”
    -Thomas Jefferson

  113. 113
    DougJ says:

    “I want to be invisible. I do guerrilla warfare. I paint my face and travel at night. You don’t know it’s over until you’re in a body bag.” — Franklin Delano Roosevelt

  114. 114
    dslak says:

    Bill Donahue’s about to get medieval on John Cole’s ass!

  115. 115
    dreggas says:

    sorry to interrupt but this was too good.

    Listening to the house debate the best line I have hear so far:

    “None of us need to be reminded of the threat of terrorism either from floor speeches or presidential homilies”.

  116. 116

    A nation or civilization that continues to produce bleeding-hearted men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.
    Martin Luther King, Jr.

    A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on programs of social uplift than on military defense is approaching physical doom.
    Martin Luther King, Jr.

  117. 117
    yet another jeff says:

    Those who would not give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.

    Ben Franklin

  118. 118
    Tsulagi says:

    “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do to torture alternatively interrogate Nazi appeasers identified by a president.”

    JFK Inauguration

  119. 119
    neil says:

    “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a liberal. But I repeat myself.” — Mark Twain

    “Patriotism is supporting your President all the time, and your countrymen when they deserve it.” — Mark Twain

    “In the middle ages of Christianity opposition to the State opinions was hushed. The consequence was, Christianity became the religion of the most powerful State in the Free World. Nothing but total agreement, apologetics & even flattery will preserve the purity of religion.” — Thomas Jefferson

    “We are not afraid to follow Fox News wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as the President commits it.” — Thomas Jefferson

  120. 120
    Jake says:

    The first thing we do, let’s kill all the liberals! – Dick the Butcher [Cheney]

  121. 121
    DougJ says:

    “Whenever I hear the word `liberal’, I reach for my revolver.” — Thomas Jefferson

  122. 122
    DougJ says:

    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then you waterboard them, then you win.” — Ghandi

  123. 123

    Global War On Terror is a continuation of politics by other means. -Otto von Bismarck

  124. 124
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    ‘One of by sedition,
    two if by aid and comfort to the enemy’

    Ha! Good one.

    Still, I think choice number 3 in the original post is the winner so far.

  125. 125

    Who do I have to fuck to get off this ship?

    — Ripley

  126. 126
    neil says:

    “I hold the maxim no less applicable to public than to private affairs, that supporting the President is always the best policy.” — George Washington

  127. 127

    To be, or not to be conservative: that is the question:
    Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous moonbats,
    Or to take arms against a sea of liberals,
    And by opposing end them?

    -Hamlet the Danish neocon

  128. 128
    cleek says:

    “Is it irresponsible to slander liberals? It’s irresponsible not to!”
    — Nooners

    “Pathetic liberals. If you had known anything about the true nature of conservatism, anything at all, you would’ve hidden from it in terror. ”
    — Ming The Merciless

  129. 129
    tBone says:

    “I cannot tell a lie, I did it with my little hatchet. What can I say? I like pie, bitches!” – George Washington

  130. 130
    neil says:

    “There are many causes I would kill for. There is not a single cause I would die for.” — Gandhi

  131. 131


    — Sculley


    — Mulder

  132. 132
    dlw says:

    I’d do the Franklin quote as:

    “Those would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve Medals of Freedom.”

  133. 133

    “Don’t even think about it.”

    “Never do.”

    — George Bush

  134. 134
    DougJ says:

    “There are many causes I would kill for. There is not a single cause I would die for.”—Gandhi

    I like this one.

  135. 135
    neil says:

    “Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with a JDAM.” — Gandhi

  136. 136

    “Bend over, I’ll drive.”

    — George Bush

  137. 137
    dslak says:

    Thus being conscious of that which is higher than liberty,
    Steadying the self by torture,
    Smite the enemy, great-armed one,
    That has the form of liberalism, and is hard to get at.
    Bhagavad-Gita, III.43

  138. 138
    Wilfred says:

    “Hey man, smell my finger”. – George Clinton

    “Hey Tony, smell my fist”. – George Bush

  139. 139
    dreggas says:

    The liberals are coming! The Liberals Are Coming!
    – Paul Revere

  140. 140
    Halffasthero says:

    “The quality of Mercy is not strained, it droppeth like the gentle rain from waterboards.”

    B. Shakespear

  141. 141

    I’d gladly give your life for this country. -George Bush

    Poverty is the best kind of violence.-Gandhi

    Where there is a lower class, I am not of it, where there is a criminal element I am not in it, where there is a soul in prison I am free.” -Eugene V. Debs

  142. 142
    canuckistani says:

    “We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig. Cow after cow. Village after village. Army after army.”

    He was the only biblical figure that made it funny.

  143. 143

    “This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.”

    — Al Gore

  144. 144
    DougJ says:

    Where there is a lower class, I am not of it, where there is a criminal element I am not in it, where there is a soul in prison I am free.” -Eugene V. Debs

    Top notch. Possibly the winner so far, IMHO.

  145. 145
    dslak says:

    “No liberal’s death diminishes me because I am not involved with Islamofascists; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for liberalism. . .”
    John Dunne, Meditation 17

  146. 146
    yet another jeff says:

    dlw, I wanted to start with a subtle one that looked like it could have been original with a slight alteration.

  147. 147
    tBone says:

    “”Yesterday, December 7, 1941 – a date which will live in infamy – the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. It’s been pretty well confirmed that the lead pilot did go to Prague and he did meet with a senior official of the Iraqi intelligence service in Czechoslovakia last April, several months before the attack.” – FDR, Dec. 8 1941

  148. 148
    dslak says:

    “I never met a liberal I liked.” — Will Rogers

  149. 149
    The Other Andrew says:

    “I don’t think our troops should be used for what’s called nation-building.” George W. Bush, October 11, 2000.

    “Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.” Darrell, Jimmy Mack, or Karl Rove. Possibly all of the above.

  150. 150
    neil says:

    “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall be handed down by anonymous senior administration officials.” — Jesus of Nazareth

    “What liberalism therefore produces, above all, is its own grave-diggers. Its fall and the victory of America are equally inevitable.” — Karl Marx

  151. 151
    tBone says:

    “He that lives upon hope will receive a pony.” Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac 1758

  152. 152

    A specter is haunting Europe – the specter of IslamoFascism.

    Liberalism is dead labor, which, vampire-like, lives only by sucking living labor, and lives the more, the more labor sucks.

    The production of too many useful things results in too many useless liberals.

    The liberals will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.

    – All Karl Marx

    Catch a terrorist by waterboarding, and he provides confessions for a day. Teach a terrorist to waterboard, and he provides confessions for a lifetime.

  153. 153

    “English, motherfucker. Do you speak English.”

    — Rep. Tom Tancredo

  154. 154
    dslak says:

    One Liberal to rule them all,
    One Liberal to find them,
    One Liberal to bring them all,
    and on the Internets bind them.

  155. 155

    “If you’re havin’ war problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but Iraq ain’t one. Hit me.”

    — George Bush

  156. 156
    cleek says:

    And behold, a worker from the GOP stood before them, and the glory of the Party shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the worker said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all the right people. For we have installed for you this day in the city of Washington a Savior, who is George the Lesser Bush.’

  157. 157

    Okay, I think I’m done. I’m not going to be able to top that Eugene V. Debs quote, and I’m not finding anything useful from Homer Simpson or Sealab’s Captain Murphy. If anyone else does, congrats.

  158. 158
    jg says:

    And behold, a worker from the GOP stood before them, and the glory of the Party shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the worker said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all the right people. For we have installed for you this day in the city of Washington a Savior, who is George the Lesser Bush.’

    I can totally picture Linus from “Peanuts’ reading that line on the Christmas special.

  159. 159

    “Shoot if you must the old, gays, liberals, Katrina victims, American kids in Iraq, anyone else’s kids in Iraq, the poor, the tired and the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, but spare your country’s yellow ribbon magnets.”
    Barbara Frietchie

  160. 160
    jg says:

    in the Christmas special I mean.

  161. 161
    tBone says:

    “To change your mind and to follow him who sets you right is to be a dishonest flip-flopper.” – Marcus Aurelius

  162. 162
    dslak says:

    “Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of liberalism, have gone unburnt, untortured, unfined and unimprisoned. What has been the effect of this lack of coercion? To make one half the world Islamofascists and the other half appeasers; to support terrorism and San Francisco values all over the world . . . .” — Thomas Jefferson

  163. 163
    Zifnab says:

    Dryad: I’ll attract the enemy with my Human liberal call: “I’m so wasted! I’m so wasted!”

    PriestBush: I have been chosen by the big metal hand in the sky!

    NecromancerFoley: I love the dead… frequently

    Priest… Evangelical?: Side effects may include: dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, water retention, painful rectal itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, death, and halitosis. Magic is not for everyone. Consult your doctor before use


  164. 164
    tBone says:

    “To no man will we sell, or deny, or delay, right or justice. Unless we think he might be a terrorist.” – The Magna Carta

  165. 165
    Perry Como says:

    “Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is great for planning wars.” — Immanuel Kant

  166. 166
    dslak says:

    “That which does not kill me means that it’s not torture.” – Nietzsche

  167. 167
    Halffasthero says:

    Eugene V. Debs – DougJ is right. I can’t top it either.

    I think this one is a good second:

    “Screwed are the meek, for they shall be pushed off the earth.”

    “Screwed are the merciful, for they shall receive no mercy.”

    “Screwed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called idiot man-children by God.”

    “Screwed are they who suffer persecution for justice’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Guantanamo.”

    Jesus Patrick ChristRobertson (except the last one, I think that’s Ashcroft)

  168. 168
    Andrew says:

    “Happiness is a warm gun and a dead Iraqi child.” — Lennon/McCartney

  169. 169
    Dave says:

    cleek, nice one man!

  170. 170
    Punchy says:

    “Kanye West hates Bush people”


  171. 171
    fwiffo says:

    “Each of the hungry fed, each person clothed who was cold, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from guns not made, warships not launched, rockets not fired.

    This world of welfare is not spending money alone.

    It is spending the weapons of destruction, the money of military contractors, the morale of the troops.

    The funding for modern heavy bombers is instead wasted on a public schooling, indoctrinating children all across the country, hydroelectric electric power plants, cheating oil companies of desperately needed revenue, and community hospitals, wasting emergency services on the poor.

    A single fighter plane could be bought with a just half million bushels of wheat.

    A single destroyer could be purchased with the money wasted on a few thousand new homes.

    This is, I repeat, the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking.

    This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of creeping socialism, it is humanity hanging from a cross of liberalism.”

  172. 172
    fwiffo says:

    Wooops, that would be an excerpt form IKE’s “The Chance for Conflict”.

  173. 173
    Fargus says:

    Whoops, I don’t know why my strikethrough didn’t work.

    “Stand with anybody that stands RIGHT. Stand with him while he is right and PART with him when he goes wrong LEFT.”
    ~Abraham Lincoln, October 16, 1854

  174. 174
    Perry Como says:

    “Go fuck yourself.” — Jesus to Patrick Leahy

  175. 175
    Lesley says:

    “English, motherfucker. Do you speak English.”
    —Rep. Tom Tancredo

    I love this one! This might be because I have nearly all of Sam Jackson’s “Pulp Fiction” lines memorized…

  176. 176
    Lesley says:

    Although, actually, it’s “English, motherfucker. Do you speak it?” /nit

  177. 177
    Jimmmm says:

    Re Iraq and Iran: “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, I have just cause to go all Aby Ghraib on your worthless, seditious ass.”

    -Abraham Lincoln, 1862

  178. 178
    Jimmmm says:

    “Liberalism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”
    —Ben Jonson

  179. 179

    “So you think you’re cool with your rap? Let me tell you pilgrim, I invented the crap.”

    — John Wayne

  180. 180

    “Now I gotta run. See you all in Hell.”

    — George Bush

  181. 181
    ThymeZone says:

    So, DougJ is the judge?

    Okay …. contest over.

    Thanks, everyone.

  182. 182

    “Bunnies. Bunnies. It must be bunnies. Or maybe midgets.”

    — George Bush

  183. 183
    Lesley says:

    I want to reword my Sinclair Lewis one. It would read better, IMO, as “When fascism comes to America, it will be burning a flag and spitting on the cross.” The added “by a liberal” was overkill.

  184. 184
    dreggas says:

    “Be vewy vewy quiet I’m Hunting Libwuls”
    – Elmer Fudd

  185. 185

    “Alright. I get it. You’re evil”

    – John Cole

  186. 186

    “Moist towellette?”

    — George Bush

  187. 187
    grumpy realist says:

    “Quo usque tandem abutere, Hillary Clinton, patientia nostra? Quam diu etiam furor iste tuus nos eludet? Quem ad finem sese effrenata iactabit audacia?”

    –Cicero, first speech against you-know-who

  188. 188
    Face says:

    Straight outta Crawford
    crazy muthafuckah named George Bush
    in a gang called N’cons with Attitude

    When he’s pissed off
    GI’s grab the sawed-off
    Iraqis squeeze the trigger and
    bodies are hauled off.

    –Ice Cube (R-epresentin’)

  189. 189

    So, DougJ is the judge?

    Okay …. contest over.

    Thanks, everyone.

    I think Darrell should be the judge. Darrell, which one do YOU think best encapsulates wingnutted dishonesty and authoritarianism?

  190. 190


    — John Cole

  191. 191

    So, DougJ is the judge?

    Okay …. contest over.

    Thanks, everyone.

    I think Darrell should be the judge. Darrell, which one do YOU think best encapsulates wingnutted dishonesty and authoritarianism?

  192. 192

    So, DougJ is the judge?

    Okay …. contest over.

    Thanks, everyone.

    I think Darrell should be the judge. Darrell, which one do YOU think best encapsulates wingnutted dishonesty and authoritarianism?

  193. 193

    Sorry, that wasn’t meant to come up thrice.

    Fucking piece of shit asshole computer!

  194. 194
    Perry Como says:

    “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cheney R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” — Scooter Libby

  195. 195
    tBone says:

    “There are not enough Iraqi insurgents in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.” – George Armstrong Custer

  196. 196
    pharniel says:

    There are three types of Spys. THe spy who finds what you want to find. You should send this person anywhere you know that you will not find what you are looking for. These are rare and should be safeguarded.
    Then there is the spy who will find what is there but make it suit your conclusions. This is an even more rare spy, because they have the ability to re-frame the truth and change the debate.
    Lastly you have the spy who will discover the truth and report it. THis spy you should use with care, though they are common, they are to be Burned. Employ this spy to seed discontent amongst the rabble and know who your true enemy is, that they may declare themselves before you and that you may plan for them”
    – Sun Tzu

    also, the WC 3 one. Spot on.
    And the hitler ones. NIce.

    “Kill them all. God will know his own.”
    – Athabascan Crusaders. (Unchanged)

  197. 197

    “Be seeing you.”

    — Alberto Gonzales

  198. 198

    “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cheney R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”—Scooter Libby

    This is sheer genius.

    “Death would be a great boon if only it could blot out the memories.” -Joe Lieberman

  199. 199
    Shabbazz says:

    “Excessive partiality for one foreign nation and excessive dislike of another cause those whom they actuate to see danger only on one side, and serve to veil and even second the arts of influence on the other. Real patriots who may resist the intrigues of the favorite are liable to become suspected and odious, while its tools and dupes usurp the applause and confidence of the people, to surrender their interests. Unless, of course, they’re the Number One Sponsor of Terrorism (TM) — then have at it!”

    -George Washington
    Farewell Address to the Nation

  200. 200

    “No one here is exactly as they appear.”

    – John McCain

  201. 201

    “Me so horny.” -John Ashcroft

  202. 202

    “How you like me now?”

    – Howard Dean

  203. 203
    cdb says:

    Liberals are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are Liberals.

    -John Stuart Mill

  204. 204

    On U.S. fiscal policy:

    “It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?”
    George W. Bush

  205. 205

    “And you can have it all, my empire of dirt. I will bring you down. I will make you hurt.”

    — George Bush

  206. 206
    srv says:

    Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor, unless they are a liberal

    – God

  207. 207
    Jake says:

    Liberals piss me off! – Eric Cartman

    You need to kill the main liberal. Do not just start decapitating liberals left and right. – Worsteshire Sauce Hotline Lady.

    I’m not fat, I’m big boned! – Denny Hastert

  208. 208


    — John Cole

  209. 209

    “Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!”
    ~Scooter Libby

  210. 210
    Grrr says:

    “I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.”

    – George W. Bush

  211. 211

    “Everyone’s always in favor of saving Hitler’s brain. But when you put it in the body of Michelle Malkin…Ooohh! Suddenly you’ve gone too far.”
    ~Dick Cheney

  212. 212
    Perry Como says:

    “Death to America!” — Borat Hussein Osama

  213. 213
    cdb says:

    “And that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.”

    -George W. Bush

  214. 214
    Pb says:

    This is sheer genius.

    Indeed–mad props for the Lovecraft reference, Perry Como!

  215. 215
    Jake says:

    Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to George Bush, and nice red uniforms!

  216. 216
    cleek says:

    here is a good one:

    When I was a young man, we were always taught that the stupidest kind of fools were the Republican wingnuts who quoted any old damn thing and pretended it was the Word of God simply because it confirmed a position they wanted to hear. Yet if it perchance to be a statement they wouldn’t want to hear, they would make a pillory of the quote as if it had come from the Devil himself. Those, my friends and countrymen, are the people we are to murder.
    — President Abraham Lincoln

  217. 217

    […] A Contest […]

  218. 218
    Dem-agog says:

    “A dissillusioned world is inclined to look with languid approbation upon liberals.”

    -P.B. Shelly

  219. 219

    “I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of dissent over the policies of George W. Bush.”

    Thomas Jefferson

  220. 220
    tiptap says:

    “There are lies, damn lies, and republicans!”
    Teddy Roosevelt

  221. 221
    Bolen says:

    “Quotes” from William Shakespeare.

    “First we kill all the Liberals.”

    “Lord, what fools these Liberals be!”

    “What a piece of work is George Bush! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god!”

  222. 222
    Downpuppy says:

    Bring this back in 6 months. The winner should be the quote that gets spread as real by the most wingnuts.

    It will happen.

  223. 223
    flounder says:

    In every country and in every age, the liberal has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own.

    -Thomas Jefferson, letter to Horatio G. Spafford, March 17, 1814

  224. 224

    But what if I don’t want to see C’theney rise up from R’lyeh?

    (I’m joining Pb in giving mad props for that, though.)

  225. 225
    El Cid says:

    ” America represents something universal in the human spirit. I received a letter not long ago from a man who said, ‘You can go to Japan to live, but you cannot become Japanese. You can go to France to live and not become a Frenchman. You can go to live in Germany or Turkey, and you won’t become a German or a Turk.’ But then he added, ‘But a man who goes to live in America starts saying that anyone speaking out against a right wing government should be hung, then he, he may truly become an American.’ ”
    Ronald Reagan, Campaign rally for Vice President Bush, San Diego, November 7, 1988
    40th president of US (1911 – 2004)

  226. 226

    “Those who believe the halls of Congress are mighty enough to exclude our Lord God have too little faith in God and too much faith in man. We should no more make God a stranger to our Laws than we should make him a stranger to our homes.”

    -Thomas Jefferson, 1790

  227. 227
    Mona says:

    I would remind you that extremism in the defense of Bush is no vice. And let me remind you also that moderation in pursuit of filthy Bush critics is no virtue. – Barry Goldwater

    The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of Islamofascism maintain their liberal belief in the rule of law. — Dante

  228. 228
    Susan says:

    I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up, string up all the liberals, and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all liberals are traitors.”

    –Two-in-one, but mostly Martin Luther King

  229. 229
    KevinA says:

    “I have a dream… that all men will be judged not on the color of their skin but on whether or not they have rejected the bile of liberalism.” MLK

    “A house divided against itself must be purged of the subversives, namely liberals.” Abraham Lincoln

    “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask how the pacifist liberals will screw us all and have tea with the enemy.” JFK

  230. 230
    mcboo says:

    “We must reconquer America … We must give America a new unity, a new spirit, a totalitarian polity. … It is necessary to defeat Democracy inexorably. We must found a new state, purge the fatherland of judaising Democrats. … What does it matter if we have to shed blood! … We need full power, and that is what we demand…” — Jose Maria Gil Robles (1933)

    “TEHRAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!” — James T. Kirk

  231. 231
    KevinA says:

    “I think… too much, therefore I am… LIBERAL.” Descartes

  232. 232
    Rumi Nietzsheing says:

    “But thus do I counsel you, my friends: trust all in whom the impulse to punish liberals is powerful!”

    Friedrich Nietzsche, Sprach Zarathustra

  233. 233
    Susan says:

    I know the human being and fish could coexist peacefully if it weren/t for liberals.
    –George W. Bush

    Oh, wait a minute– that one was real (almost).

  234. 234
    pj says:

    “I may disagree with what you say, and if I were President, I could put you to death for saying it.” Voltaire

  235. 235
    Matt says:

    Ask not what your country can do for you, ask how you can obey your president. -JFK

  236. 236
    Xenos says:

    The Age of Reason quote is a bit silly. TAoR was Paine’s attack on Christianity (in favor of Deism). Citing it as a quote from Common Sense or Rights of Man would be more appropriate.

  237. 237
    Ben says:

    “Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve no bid contracts” Ben Franklin

  238. 238
    Internet Friend says:

    It is the duty of every patriot to protect the government from his countrymen.

    -Thomas Paine

  239. 239
    Carlos says:

    Why does that bitch Pelosi need such a big plane!

    I Corinthians (ch. V, v. 3)

  240. 240

    Taking an actual quote and rewriting it is too hard. That requires readin’ and stuff. I prefer J. Michael Waller’s method of taking my own depraved opinion, putting it in quotes and attributing it to someone famous. Here goes:

    “Well, George Bush is OK, I guess, but his son George W. is a stupid little alcoholic who’ll never amount to a hill of jellybeans. I’d as soon kick his keister as shake his hand.”-Ronald Reagan

    Or this:

    “Rush Limbaugh is a fat turd who can’t get laid without paying for it.”-Winston Churchill

    See? Much easier!

  241. 241
    Philip says:

    With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we shall kill all the liberals, so help us God.

    Franklin Roosevelt 12/8/41

  242. 242
    Philip says:

    We shall kill liberals on the beaches, we shall kill liberals on the landing grounds, we shall kill liberals in the fields and in the streets, we shall kill liberals in the hills, we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire, beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on killing liberals, until, in God’s good time, the new world, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and liberation of the old and the killing of all liberals

    Winston Churchill, 6/4/40

  243. 243

    “Liberals are like assholes: when you hear them something obnoxious comes out, they’re on the wrong side to be productive and regularly smear all over the paper.”

    Bill Kristol

  244. 244
    Doc says:

    “The Tree of Liberty from time to time must be refreshed with the blood of Liberals.”
    — Thomas Jefferson

  245. 245
    Bill Donohue says:

    I will slap your liberal face with my cock after me Dan and Pablo finish our latest Amanda Marcotte circle jerk – Jeff Goldstein.

  246. 246
    DougJ says:

    I hate to be a suck up, but this thread is really, really good. There is no other blog where the comments come close to the ones on this blog.

    Everyone take a bow.

  247. 247
    DougJ says:

    Although, actually, it’s “English, motherfucker. Do you speak it?”

    Yeah, that’s what I thought too. I didn’t want to google it but that’s how Sam Jackson seemed to say it when I replayed it in my brain.

    Still, it’s great work.

  248. 248
    dnav says:

    I believe that armed force and conditional justice will have the final word in reality. This is why habeus corpus, permanently suspended, is stronger than liberal treason.

    – MLK Jr.

  249. 249

    Got a couple and the first isn’t even altered.

    Imagination is more important than knowledge…

    Albert Einstein

    Support Bush. W00t!!!1!!

    Only two things are infinite, the universe and liberal stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

    Albert Einstein

    Hate the sin, love W.

    Mahatma Gandhi

    When we see liberals of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine George Bush.


    And finally.

    I thoroughly disapprove of liberals. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

    Mark Twain

  250. 250

    […] This is a capital idea: With the entry of the completely manufactured Abraham Lincoln quote entered into the Congressional Record by Don (Bridge to Nowhere) Young (R-Alaska), the stakes have been raised in our contest. It is now up to you to come up with an entirely manufactured or a modified historical fake but accurate quote, and help me see to it that it is entered into the Congressional Record. […]

  251. 251
    Lupin says:

    Thou shalt hate thy neighbor as you hate thyself, even more so if he lieth with men or hath browne skin.
    Jesus of Nazarath

  252. 252
    Lupin says:

    The only things we have to fear are [insert contents of Webster’s Dictionary here].
    Franklin Delano Roosevelt

  253. 253
    varajeesus says:

    “He that is without liberalism among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

    — Jesus

  254. 254
    Brian J. says:

    I’d have to go with fwiffo’s Eisenhower quote for its subtlety and subversion of a great speech from a GOoPer who was actually half-decent.

    My contributions:
    It is no longer a choice between violence and nonviolence in this world; it’s violence [orig. nonviolence] or nonexistence; that is where we are today.

    We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’m going to Crawford [orig. I’ve been to the mountaintop].

    Justice [orig. Injustice] anywhere is a threat to conservatives [orig. justice] everywhere.

    For when people get caught up with that which is right WING and they are NOT willing to sacrifice for it, there is no stopping point [orig. short of victory].

    (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.)

  255. 255
    Frankly, my dear, ... says:

    You can fool some of the people all the time; and I call that my base.

    George W. Bush.

  256. 256
    Frankly, my dear, ... says:

    You can fool all the people some of the time; and if you pick your time right, that’s all you really need ’cause by the time they figure out they’ve been fooled it’ll be too late.

    George W. Bush

  257. 257

    “Liberty without learning is always a good battle strategy; learning without liberty is always off windsurfing.”
    ~John F. Kennedy

    “If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. 9/11. Checkmate.”
    ~George W. Bush

  258. 258
    Sonny says:

    Give me libruls then give them death!!!
    Patrick Henry

  259. 259
    Frankly, my dear, ... says:

    Liberals saw 9/11 as a tragedy; conservatives saw it as a career opportunity.

    Karl Rove

  260. 260
    JTrama says:

    Of course the Democrats don’t want war. But after all, it’s the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it’s always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it’s a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the Democrats can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the Democrats for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger.”

    — Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials

  261. 261
    Baldrick says:

    Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
    George W. Bush, our life’s Star,
    Hath had elsewhere its setting,
    And cometh from afar:
    Not in entire forgetfulness,
    And not in utter nakedness,
    But trailing clouds of glory does George Bush come
    From God, who is our home:
    Heaven lies about us in Dubya’s infancy!

    –William Wordsworth

  262. 262
    Midwest Product says:

    “If people let go of the hatred of liberals they risk sowing the seeds of liberalism among themselves.”

    -William Jefferson Clinton, remarking upon the passing of Yitzhak Rabin

  263. 263

    “Is it true that I’m a crypto-Communist and that I and everyone in my party want the terrorists to win?

    That defines on what the definition is “is,” is.”

    –Bill Clinton

  264. 264

    “Git my gun; I’m surrounded by Jews and Haji faggots who don’t even speak English!”

  265. 265
    smhten says:

    I, John Brown, am convinced that the sins of this great nation cannot be purged but with the blood of traitorous liberals and towel-headed terrorists.

    John Brown, 1800-1859

  266. 266
    PBen says:

    “Nonviolence doesn’t always work – but violence never does and most Democrats don’t either.”
    – Madge Micheels-Cyrus

  267. 267
    Bruce says:

    “What are you gonna do with that dildo?”
    – George W Bush to Jeff Gannon in the Lincoln Bedroom

  268. 268
    Robert says:

    “The Era of Big Government Will Return After I leave Office and get replaced by a Republican.”

    Bill Clinton, State of the Union Address, 1996

  269. 269
    Robert says:

    “They that can surrender essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, listen to Rush Limbaugh and watch Fox News.”– Benjamin Franklin

  270. 270
    Parker says:

    This thread needs to be archived as an exemplar of Sturgeon’s Revelation – but the good ones are very good!

  271. 271
    RicK says:

    With a big salute to Dave Chappelle:

    “Pimpin’ wars ain’t easy.” [Original: Pimpin’ ain’t easy.]

    “I’m the Decider, bitch.” [I’m Rick James, bitch.]

  272. 272
    Tara the anti-social social worker says:

    The ally you must always seek is the part of your enemy that knows what is right, and what is right is shipping them to Gitmo and stuffing a chemical light up their butts.
    -Mahatma Gandhi

    There are known knowns, there are known unknowns, there are unknown knowns, there are unknown unknowns….Look, I don’t know, liberals just suck. Where’s my medal?
    -Donald Rumsfeld

    I am not a liberal!
    -Richard Nixon

    Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,
    In Baghdad with the terr’ists blown away?
    The lib’ruls plot their evil with Osama,
    And that is why we must defeat Obama.
    -William Shakespeare

  273. 273
    Worst. President. Ever. says:

    “With malice toward liberals, and charitable words for our corporate sponsors, let us strive on to finish the work we are in: ensuring the USA runs the world, while keeping women, blacks and homosexuals in their Biblically-appointed places.”

    Abraham Lincoln, Second Inaugural Address, Mar. 4, 1865

  274. 274

    This thread needs to be archived as an exemplar of Sturgeon’s Revelation

    Fuck you!

    but the good ones are very good!

    Thank you!

  275. 275
    Worst. President. Ever. says:

    “Imagine there’s no liberals, it’s not too hard to do
    No Feminazis or tree-huggers,
    And no effing homos too,
    Imagine all the fetuses living every day!
    You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
    I hope someday you’ll join the NRA, and shoot atheists with a handgun”

    -John Lennon, 1940-1980

  276. 276
    Parker says:

    Scruffy –

    At least you got the reference…

    I would prefer not to have sex with you – but the thanks are very welcome!

  277. 277
    Your Conscience says:

    One Letter seperates Clinton from Bush

    Clinton – Blow Job
    Bush – Blown Job

    Dan Reynolds 2005

  278. 278
    Tribunzio says:

    “In many cases presumptive evidence goes far to paint a person guilty, though there be no express proof of the fact to be committed by him, but then it must be very ruthlessly pressed, for it is better five innocent persons should die than one guilty person should escape unpunished.”
    Lord Hale, 1678

  279. 279
    petorado says:

    “The path of the right wing Republican man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the homosexuals and the tyranny of liberal men. Blessed is he, who in the name of neoconservatism and George Bush, shepherds the meek Fox News viewers through the valley of Islamofascism, for he is truly his brother’s Decider and the finder of lost conservative voters. And I will strike down upon thee with great preemption and furious torture those who would attempt to liberalize and cut and run from my brothers. And you will know my name is Alberto Gonzales when I lay my vengeance upon thee. ”

    Ezekiel 25:17
    as read by Jules from Pulp Fiction

  280. 280
    Frankly, my dear, ... says:

    Regimes without checks and balances are prone to grave miscalculations.

    Donald Rumsfeld

    Oh, wait … That one’s real.

  281. 281
    DougJ says:

    “Pimpin’ wars ain’t easy.” [Original: Pimpin’ ain’t easy.]

    That’s Big Daddy Kane, not Dave Chappelle.

  282. 282

    “I would remind you that extreme violence against war protesters in the defense of war is no vice! And let me remind you also that moderation in the beating of no-good hippy liberals is no virtue.” — Barry Goldwater

  283. 283
    RicK says:


    I obviously wasn’t clear enough, but my intention was not to credit Chapelle with the quote (which is why I didn’t attribute it to him) but to salute him. Thanks anyway.

  284. 284
    Muddy Mo says:

    May we, in our dealings with the Muslims of the earth, ever torture them to serve justice.

    -Dwight D. Eisenhower

  285. 285
    tofubo says:

    The Democrat’s blood is the seed of Fascism’s tree. ~Thomas Campbell

  286. 286

    “I’m a liberal baby, so why don’t you kill me?”


  287. 287

    “we want to be free! free to ride our machines without getting hassled by liberals! and we want to get loaded! and drive our machines over liberals.”

    easy rider

  288. 288

    […] I am still swamped, so go back to these two threads, read the comments, and place your nominee for best quot. I will think them down to ten we can voteon tomorrow or Thursday. […]

  289. 289
    Jill says:

    Up is down and black is white!
    –motto of GWB

  290. 290
    RicK says:

    The British are leaving! The British are leaving! – Paul Revere (on Tony ‘Lapdog’ Blairs decision yesterday.

  291. 291
    FoxFan says:

    I’m amazed that the liberals think that we’re knucle dragging moutbreathers.That goes to show how they have underestimated the right.They think they are smart ,yet if they had been smart they would have shut thir fucking traitourous mouths a long time ago.I say punnish them for Vietnam and Iraq.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] I am still swamped, so go back to these two threads, read the comments, and place your nominee for best quot. I will think them down to ten we can voteon tomorrow or Thursday. […]

  2. […] This is a capital idea: With the entry of the completely manufactured Abraham Lincoln quote entered into the Congressional Record by Don (Bridge to Nowhere) Young (R-Alaska), the stakes have been raised in our contest. It is now up to you to come up with an entirely manufactured or a modified historical fake but accurate quote, and help me see to it that it is entered into the Congressional Record. […]

  3. […] A Contest […]

Comments are closed.