Dobson’s Values

Unlike the military, it appears America’s Christian soldiers leave their dead and wounded behind:

Ted Haggard, the evangelical pastor who was dismissed following allegations of indulging in gay sex and abusing drugs, has agreed to undergo a “spiritual” rehabilitation process.

H.B. London of Focus on the Family said that the process, which could take anywhere between three to five years, was successful 50 percent of the time. “Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

***

Focus on the Family founder James C. Dobson was supposed to be the part of a team responsible for counseling Haggard, but Dobson withdrew citing a lack of time. “Emotionally and spiritually, I wanted to be of help — but the reality is, I don’t have the time to devote to such a critical responsibility,” Dobson said.

Jack Hayford of Van Nuys’ Church on the Way and Tommy Barnett of First Assembly of God in Phoenix are the other two members of the counseling team. Meanwhile it is not clear if Haggard wants to return to the ministry. But Leonard Chessler, Haggard’s lawyer said that he was devoted to God, “He says that he has committed his life to God and that he is looking for direction as to where God can best use him,” he added.

Spiritual healing to get rid of teh gay… I can’t stand these lunatics.

If Haggard wants to do God’s work, he should get treatment for his meth addiction, then stand up and loudly state he is gay, there is nothing wrong with it, and that God still loves him. What a service that would be to the closeted homosexuals in his church whose lives have been made miserable by folks like, well, Haggard.






95 replies
  1. 1
    traig says:

    As Jon Stewart said the other night: You can’t catch teh gay, but it can sure as hell catch you.

    Meanwhile, Dobson was heard to say, “Gee, I want to help, but I didn’t really know Teddy-boy. He was really just an acquaintance. And his ministry was smaller than mine anyway.”

  2. 2
    Rick Cendo says:

    That’s a lot to ask for, bit it’s possible. Look at Mel White.

  3. 3
    MNPundit says:

    Bringing back memories of the occasionally funny and thoughtful “Saved!”

  4. 4
    RSA says:

    Haggard’s lawyer said that [Haggard] was devoted to God, “He says that he has committed his life to God and that he is looking for direction as to where God can best use him,” he added.

    Here’s a suggestion, you know, just off the top of my head:

    Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

    But no, it’ll be high-profile spiritual counselors, lawyers acting as spokesmen, etc. I doubt anyone will suggest that Haggard try working in a soup kitchen for a few years, to work on his humility.

  5. 5
    Cyrus says:

    H.B. London of Focus on the Family said that the process, which could take anywhere between three to five years, was successful 50 percent of the time. “Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

    In another great mystery of our times, all automobile salesmen and footwear representatives in New Life Church mysteriously became Unitarians.

    This wreck couldn’t have happened to a better train.

  6. 6

    Dobson doesn’t minister to the lepers. He’s above that. We sure see these people’s true colors come out when something like this happens, don’t we? This is another place that a good purging could do wonders.

    Thanks for being such a steady voice of reason John, its why I’ve been coming to your site everyday since I found you. Sanity has been so scarce these past few years.

  7. 7
    Faux News says:

    Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

    So THAT’S what happened to Al Bundy in “Married With Children”! He flunked his Spiritual Rehab.

  8. 8
    Zifnab says:

    But Leonard Chessler, Haggard’s lawyer said that he was devoted to God

    Wow. I hope when Judgement Day comes, Haggard’s paid up his retainer.

    Seriously, though, I wonder if the other two councilors will show up in Hazmat suites for the first few weeks of the counciling process.

  9. 9
    ThymeZone says:

    Who cares what these fools do?

    We only started taking a voyeur’s interest in them when they started to get political power. Before that, nobody paid any attention. That … the complete dismissal of them … was the right response.

    These are crazy, ignorant people. Fuck them. Hopefully the political party that decided to coddle them and pander to them will rethink its position now? If they do, good for them. If not, screw them.

  10. 10
    les says:

    If Haggard wants to do God’s work, he should get treatment for his meth addiction, then stand up and loudly state he is gay, there is nothing wrong with it, and that God still loves him. What a service that would be to the closeted homosexuals in his church whose lives have been made miserable by folks like, well, Haggard.

    May as well wish for Limbaugh to tell the truth; ain’t happenin’.

  11. 11
    ThymeZone says:

    Everything you need to know about these assholes is right here.

    THEY ARE CRAZY.

    There is no need for you to ever doubt the age of the universe. You can have full confidence that God’s word teaches the truth.

    Hello? Why waste any more time on these idiots?

  12. 12
    celcus says:

    So Ted Haggard is going to turn into Al Bundy?

    Al: ” This tall brunette came into the shoe store to buy a pair of size 12 pumps. She had a garter belt on and silk stockings like I like. Then she uncrossed her legs like in Basic Instinct.

    Peg: ” Did you see it all?”

    Al: ” Yes, it was a guy. Do you think I’m…”

    Peg: ” Gay?”

    Al: ” Just ‘cos I was vaguely excited touching a man’s leg and I don’t want to touch you. No, I’m not worried about my sexuality. I was wondering: Am I too sexy for my own good, Peg? I don’t want to turn on men so I come to the expert. Peg, how do you make men not want you?”

    Peg: ” Well, apparently, you marry them.”

  13. 13
    Lee says:

    Off-topic question.

    Does anyone have a link to Bush answering a reporters question about why he lied to us about Rumsfeld?

    (Gates had not committed and he wanted to move on to the next question).

    thanks,

  14. 14
    jcricket says:

    Haggard’s not left behind. He’s going “de-gayly forward”. Behinds are for teh gay people. Plus, being left behind is for unbelievers, like the jews and the a-rabs.

    I look forward to Haggard coming out as an “ex-gay” (and then “offending again”). I hope its incidents like this, that show people trying to make people into the ex-gays is just a ridiculous notion.

    Unfortunately it will take a long time for that notion to penetrate (ha!) the evangelical community.

  15. 15
    Zifnab says:

    Asked about that comment, Bush said he made it because “I didn’t want to inject a major decision about this war in the final days of a campaign,” Bush said. He appeared to acknowledge having misled reporters, saying, “And so the only way to answer that question and to get you onto another question was to give you that answer.”

    He added later, “Win or lose, Bob Gates was going to become the nominee.”

    ~Crooks and Liars

  16. 16
    jcricket says:

    Does anyone have a link to Bush answering a reporters question about why he lied to us about Rumsfeld?

    The place I’ve seen is reported is in the WaPo, but here’s a link to the NY Daily News It has the direct quote from Bush. BTW, “conning the media” was a typo in the article. It should be “lying to the media and the nation”

  17. 17
    Otto Man says:

    The press conference transcript is available here.

  18. 18
    Lee says:

    thank you very much

  19. 19
    ThymeZone says:

    “Win or lose, Bob Gates was going to become the nominee.”

    Based on the last few years, why would we believe even that story?

    What makes much more sense and fits much better with their modus operandi is that he used Rumsfeld, as he used our forces in general, as a foil recently for the purpose of trying to hang onto a majority in Congress. Even a couple months ago, the stage was being set for a shift in direction (Baker, et al) which means that all of that “victory” bullshit was nothing but crass political rhetoric. That makes our troops stage furniture for political theater being played by Karl Rove … again. Again, these assholes use our most precious resources for their own purposes.

    I say, impeach the cocksucker. Him and Cheney both. They are dirt.

  20. 20
    capelza says:

    TZ…as much as Bush and Cheney deserve to be impeached, I really don’t want that. I am serious when I say I want the Dems to show the nation that we ARE different than the horrendous and insane partisanship of the last 12 years. Sadly, while Clinton was impeached for the crime of being an complete outsider (the “impeachment” started the day he was elected) and on the other hand this crew SHOULD be impeached for crimes, real crimes…it’s got to stop somewhere. This past election cycle sickened me unto death.

    Dobson has “other priorities”…these people are disgusting.
    I did read that 25 to 30% of the evangelicals did vote Dem this time…have they had their national “Elmer Gantry moment” yet?

  21. 21
    AkaDad says:

    If only Haggard had attented Jesus Camp™, this atrocity would never have happened.

  22. 22
    RSA says:

    These are crazy, ignorant people.

    . . .who stand at the head of organizations that include tens of millions of members, who generally view the world through a thousand-year time distortion lens. It’s worth keeping an eye on them, if only to make sure they don’t screw things up too much for everyone else.

  23. 23
    Baby Jane says:

    The blame falls squarely on Jesus:

    “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” JOHN 13:34

    On a related note: So Ahab, can I have all my doobage?:

    “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.” EPHESIANS 5:2
     

  24. 24
    Punchy says:

    If Haggard wants to do God’s work, he should get treatment for his meth addiction, then stand up and loudly state he is gay, there is nothing wrong with it, and that God still loves him.

    Well said, Oracle of Colefi…very well said.

  25. 25
    Vlad says:

    “…those who fail ‘end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.'”

    Must be nice to not have to work for a living, so you can look down on the people who do.

  26. 26
    tBone says:

    I doubt anyone will suggest that Haggard try working in a soup kitchen for a few years, to work on his humility.

    I think he should become a footsoldier in the War on Drugs. Imagine how much meth he could purchase and throw away with the full financial resources of his church behind him!

  27. 27

    In another great mystery of our times, all automobile salesmen and footwear representatives in New Life Church mysteriously became Unitarians.

    If he’s anything like the mega church ministers around here. Let me just say that Ted Haggard is probably not driving a 6 year old Chevy.

    I’ll bet he drives a brand new Lexus.

    Are the financial statements for churches publicly available?

  28. 28
    Dulcie says:

    Actually, Haggard WAS in the “Jesus Camp” movie :-)

  29. 29
    Punchy says:

    “…those who fail ‘end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.’”

    You’re telling me that in that enormous congregation, there’s not ONE car salesman, or ONE lady employeed by Sears to peddle footwear? I’m guessing that, after reading that comment, there’s more than just a few pissed off Evangy members.

    They really do eat their own.

  30. 30
    AkaDad says:

    Actually, Haggard WAS in the “Jesus Camp” movie

    I can see why he was in that movie, because he does a great job of acting. Like acting straight all those years.

  31. 31
    Tsulagi says:

    So much for Focus on the FAMILY. Guess you’re family only if you don’t do anything icky. Do that then it’s call me after your 3-5 year exorcism and maybe we’ll do lunch. Dobson’s got your back.

  32. 32
    SeesThroughIt says:

    Bringing back memories of the occasionally funny and thoughtful “Saved!”

    That movie was beter than expected. I particularly liked it when Mandy Moore hit the other girl with her Bible while yelling, “I am full of Christ’s love!” Pretty apt visual metaphor right there.

    And Haggard is a total condescending prick in Jesus Camp. Oddly enough, he’s also the only one in the movie who objects to it.

    Anyway, John, I don’t see why you’re so opposed to beating teh ghey out of people with the Bible. Clearly, 50 percent of the time it works every time. All people with teh ghey need is the loving compassion of people telling them what wretched, subhuman, hellbound, deviant creatures they are. Makes total sense to me.

  33. 33
    Zifnab says:

    So much for Focus on the FAMILY.

    Clearly, Haggard is no longer in the family.

    Also, when read from a certain context, FotF almost sounds like a mafia thing.

  34. 34
    Tax Analyst says:

    WOW! No wonder I never liked Car Salesmen! Their ranks are apparently filled with Failed Homosexual Drug Users (to clarify, they are failures at BOTH Homosexuality AND Drug Abuse, since they throw all the dope away). It’s not the “homosexual” thing I have a problem with, it’s the WASTE…my generation got a lot of very stern lectures about waste from Depression Era parents…I still take it very seriously…you should see all the paper clips I have rescued over the years. But Punchy’s right, those poor, detestable souls consigned to sell cars and shoes were severely dissed by that Focus on Family twit.

  35. 35
    Jay says:

    Not to be picky or anything but I thought purchasing meth was a…um…what do you call it? Criminal offense. You can’t even buy allergy medicine without going through a cavity search because it can be used to make Meth. Why isn’t this bastard sitting in jail?

    I guess that says it all about the fundies: Using drugs that will turn your brain to powder is fine, just don’t touch anyone of the same sex.

    In a slightly related note: The Washington Post has a long, whiny op-ed piece about how it is wrong to stereotype Evans. because not every single Evan. is a rabid hate-spewing bigoted cretin. Yeah, yeah, and the Ladies’ Klan Auxillary throws a mean bake sale.

    jay

    p.s. Would it be wrong to start a rumor that Dobson quit because sHaggard’s confessions got him all hot and bothered? Yeah, you’re right. It would be very bad. Forget I mentioned it.

  36. 36
    ThymeZone says:

    I really don’t want that.

    Me either. Mainly because it’s disruptive and takes the oxygen out of government for a year. But we have to brace ourselves now for a year full of revelations … we have not seen yet the depth of the depravity, the mendacity, the craven greed and lust for power and total disrespect for law and for the people that these assholes have really shown and that will now be revealed as the coming months unfold.

    We think we had BDS for five years? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. I don’t think we really have any idea just how rotten these people have really been.

    It’s going to require a lot of holding of noses to work, or try to work, with these schmucks.

  37. 37
    jcricket says:

    So much for Focus on the FAMILY.

    No, this is working just fine, you’re just missing parts of the sentence and the parenthetical remark afterwards.

    Keep Focus on the FAMILY (so you don’t notice any “extra-familial” activities).

  38. 38
    RSA says:

    “…those who fail ‘end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.’”

    You’re telling me that in that enormous congregation, there’s not ONE car salesman, or ONE lady employeed by Sears to peddle footwear? I’m guessing that, after reading that comment, there’s more than just a few pissed off Evangy members.

    I expect President Bush to denounce these remarks himself:

    The senator’s Focus on the Family’s suggestion that the men and women of our military footwear and car retail markets are somehow uneducated is insulting and shameful. The men and women who serve in our all-volunteer armed sales forces are plenty smart and are serving because they are patriots respect America’s need for foot- and oil-based transportation — and Senator Kerry H. B. London owes them an apology.”

  39. 39
    canuckistani says:

    p.s. Would it be wrong to start a rumor that Dobson quit because sHaggard’s confessions got him all hot and bothered? Yeah, you’re right. It would be very bad. Forget I mentioned it.

    Why stop with something so tame? I’ll tell people that Dobson just showed up until he could get ahold of the video of his dirty weekend with Haggard, Santorum, 2 dogs and a legless goat.

  40. 40
    jcricket says:

    It’s going to require a lot of holding of noses to work, or try to work, with these schmucks.

    I think allowing a lot of the scandals to come out of your basic lower-level investigations is a great tactic. Use the justice department, FBI, state AGs, and a smattering of committee hearings.

    Without anything like the rancor of censure/impeachment hearings we’ve already gotten Libby, Abramoff, Ney, Delay & Cunningham. We’re on the verge of the same with Burns, Weldon & Harris. Who knows about Santorum and Hastert’s dirty dealings. Just “not blocking” the investigations themselves will be enough to lead to a steady stream of Republican scandals coming out into the open.

    And while the continual drip, drip, drip of Republican convictions for corruption goes on, we can just keep our energies focused on moving forwards. Put out press releases tying new legislation to whatever corruption was just revealed and voters will get the connections.

  41. 41
    Zifnab says:

    Dobson quit because sHaggard’s confessions got him all hot and bothered?

    Really? Shit. Better not pass that around the Jesus campfire. It could do some serious damage to his reputation. I promise I’ll only tell me close friends.

  42. 42
    RSA says:

    I’ll tell people that Dobson just showed up until he could get ahold of the video of his dirty weekend with Haggard, Santorum, 2 dogs and a legless goat.

    Stop it. You’re making Santorum’s kids cry. (I have to admit that the best thing Santorum ever did, though, was his concession speech.)

  43. 43
    sidereal says:

    Unlike the military

    Whoa now, soldier. That’s 20th-century talk. Here in the 21st, our new sleek, redesigned military does things a little differently

  44. 44
    Face says:

    Hey, this could be just a rumor, but I heard Dobson has just quit his ministry b/c Haggard’s confessions got him all hot and bothered…

    Has anyone else heard this? Can anyone link to this story?

    Thx.

  45. 45
    Frank says:

    It would be a mistake to think that we can avoid rancour now. Vile partisanship might even get the media to notice our congressional hearings. Trying to maintain comity will just let them chump us again, not only that but it will make voters wonder if there is any point to showing up to vote for the Democrats.

  46. 46

    Hey, this could be just a rumor, but I heard Dobson has just quit his ministry b/c Haggard’s confessions got him all hot and bothered…

    Has anyone else heard this? Can anyone link to this story?

    I didn’t hear anything about that.

    But I heard his wife has demanded he stay away from sheep.

  47. 47
    Perry Como says:

    Has anyone else heard this?

    He knows what you did last night. And if you pay him $1000 he won’t tell your wife.

  48. 48
    Lee says:

    Off topic:

    First Democratic Stupidty another Navel Gazing?

    Kos disses Tradesports.com

    Tradesports got the individual races right, but missed the overall Senate.

  49. 49
    Baby Jane says:

    The casualties in this fiasco are gonna be Haggard’s kids. With the ass-backward counseling they’re sure to get, who knows what kind of drugs they’ll eventually start throwing away.

  50. 50
    Richard 23 says:

    It’s not the “homosexual” thing I have a problem with, it’s the WASTE…my generation got a lot of very stern lectures about waste from Depression Era parents…I still take it very seriously…you should see all the paper clips I have rescued over the years.

    I agree. Anyone with high quality unused drugs should send them to me c/o The Island of Misfit Drugs. I’ll make sure they’re properly cared for.

    Even just a couple of lines would bring tears to my eyes!

  51. 51
    tBone says:

    (I have to admit that the best thing Santorum ever did, though, was his concession speech.)

    The speech was suprisingly good. Dragging his kids up there on stage with him, where photographers could capture each individual tear drop and anguished expression? Not so good.

    I laughed when I first saw those pictures, and then immediately felt ashamed. I feel really sorry for those kids. Imagine growing up in that household.

  52. 52
    Pb says:

    Lee,

    I rather agree with what Kos actually said–betting on elections might be fun, but it’s not authoritative. Some Republicans, conservatives, free-traders and GLibertarians would have you believe that markets are all-knowing arbiters of wisdom or whatever, when really they’re just concentrated conventional wisdom, the collective speculation of fools and their money, soon to be parted.

  53. 53
    RSA says:

    Dragging his kids up there on stage with him, where photographers could capture each individual tear drop and anguished expression? Not so good.

    Yes, that’s a good point. It gave me a more specific reason to feel bad for Santorum’s kids. The little girl hugging her doll. . . They’re all better off, probably, with Santorum now off the political stage.

  54. 54
    Richard 23 says:

    I laughed when I first saw those pictures, and then immediately felt ashamed. I feel really sorry for those kids. Imagine growing up in that household.

    Remember that he brought home his wife’s miscarried fetus for the kids to bond with. That had to be more traumatic than election day. There are no pictures of that as far as I am aware.

  55. 55
    Lee says:

    Tradesports (and other sites) I believe have been a very good on predicting the outcome of elections (I have not seen any stats on it, just ancedotal evidence)

    You can attribute it to whatever you want, but it seems to work.

    the collective speculation of fools and their money, soon to be parted.

    Only the losers :)

  56. 56
    Zifnab says:

    I laughed when I first saw those pictures, and then immediately felt ashamed. I feel really sorry for those kids. Imagine growing up in that household.

    Feel sorry for them today. But tomorrow, when a shrill young woman hits you with a rock for walking to close to an abortion clinic, when some fridged bitch snubs your kid in the school talent show because he doesn’t come from proper breeding, when a chubby stuffed suit who only got a job because his daddy was a Senator chews you out over not working hard enough to get him a fast track on his promotion, you’ll be getting to know those kids first hand. And you won’t feel sorry for them anymore.

  57. 57
    ThymeZone says:

    he brought home his wife’s miscarried fetus for the kids to bond with

    Good Christ.

    There are no words.

  58. 58
    Richard 23 says:

    George Felix ‘Macaca’ Allen just conceded! W00t!

  59. 59
    jcricket says:

    There are no words.

    No, but there are pictures. Search the web for “angel babies”. There is a whole network of people that take dress up their miscarried or stillborn fetuses like a newborn and take the same set of photos one might expect had it been a live birth.

    And there are books. People name the stillborn child and then tell their other kids they have a “angle sibling” or whatever.

    I think some people just can’t handle the grief and need to hold onto it forever.

  60. 60
    Dreggas says:

    “…those who fail ‘end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.’”

    More likely those who fail and are fundie ministers of mega churches go on to run car dealerships.

    Mega-Dealership = Mega-Church

    Come on down to Gods House of Imports! It’s the Christian Thing to Do.

    What Would Jesus Drive?

    Our bargains are Heavenly!

    Free do-it-yourself Crucifixion kit with every new car purchase.

    Our prices are so low they’re practically down in HELL!!!

  61. 61
    tBone says:

    And you won’t feel sorry for them anymore.

    I don’t think it’s a foregone conclusion that all of them will turn out to be irredeemable assholes. I bet at least one or two will rebel and become normal human beings. And at least one of them is going to turn out to be gay; it’s a rule in those households.

  62. 62
    jenniebee says:

    WTF kind of “process” is this? One wonders how much they indulge in aversion therapy. (no wonder Dobson wanted out – I read on a blog somewhere that his own progress in the “program” requires him to steer clear of certain unspecified temptations). Clockwork Orange meets Corndoggers?

  63. 63
    tBone says:

    No, but there are pictures. Search the web for “angel babies”.

    Yeah, no thanks. That’s the creepiest goddamn thing I’ve heard in a long time.

  64. 64
    Beej says:

    Dreggas,

    Okay, that’s funny, but are you aware that in many cities you can actually find yellow pages and/or giveaway advertising directories that advertise and list only “Christian” businesses? How you get designated as “Christian” is a mystery. My guess is that you have to contribute big bucks to somebody.

  65. 65
    Jay says:

    Remember that he brought home his wife’s miscarried fetus for the kids to bond with.

    Stop! How. The hell. Does one bond with a dead anything? [Insert disgusting joke here.] Don’t worry about the little Man-dog-o’s turning into uptight snobs. Rick may well have created the next lot of Bind/Torture/Kill style serial murderers. Think Children of the Corn mating with The Manson Family. And run like a mad bastard.

    jay

    p.s. Re: sHaggard. Don’t repeat this but the best friend of my mechanic’s cousin told me that at least one of the chickens died.

  66. 66
    Dave says:

    Remember that he brought home his wife’s miscarried fetus for the kids to bond with. That had to be more traumatic than election day. There are no pictures of that as far as I am aware.

    Oh come on, you’re making that up. He’s a loon, but is he that loony?

  67. 67
    Baby Jane says:

    How. The hell. Does one bond with a dead anything? [Insert disgusting joke here.]

  68. 68
    Dreggas says:

    Beej,

    Oh I am quite aware of it. I mean just look at the Christianist alternative to Hot Topic/The Gap/Skater apparel etc. It’s not surprising that they have their own yellow pages.

    It all goes back to them needing to feel special and have their OWN stores. They scream about being alienated and alienate themselves. Of course it is doing us all a favor considering the past 6 years we have gotten to see first hand just how bat shit crazy they are.

    Of course it is still amusing to be at the local mall and be in my typical alternative attire (a cenobyte skirt ala Hellraiser and a T-shirt that says You laugh now but will you be laughing when I crawl out from under your bed) and be approached by the Christ’s Cool Kids crew and be offered discounts and soul saving all in one store.

    I always wanted Ezekiel brand clothes made by child labor in the Marianas…

  69. 69
    SeesThroughIt says:

    Oh come on, you’re making that up. He’s a loon, but is he that loony?

    Sadly, he is that loony.

    n his Senate office, on a shelf next to an autographed baseball, Sen. Rick Santorum keeps a framed photo of his son Gabriel Michael, the fourth of his seven children. Named for two archangels, Gabriel Michael was born prematurely, at 20 weeks, on Oct. 11, 1996, and lived two hours outside the womb.

    Upon their son’s death, Rick and Karen Santorum opted not to bring his body to a funeral home. Instead, they bundled him in a blanket and drove him to Karen’s parents’ home in Pittsburgh. There, they spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel with his three siblings, ages 6, 4 and 1 1/2. They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.

    He and Karen brought Gabriel’s body home so their children could “absorb and understand that they had a brother,” Santorum says. “We wanted them to see that he was real,” not an abstraction, he says. Not a “fetus,” either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described — “a 20-week-old fetus” — on a hospital form. They changed the form to read “20-week-old baby.”

  70. 70
    Richard 23 says:

    The Santorum Fetus Story. True.

    I’ve looked this up before, and here it is again. This time via Majikthise, which links to an April 2005 Washington Post story:

    In his Senate office, on a shelf next to an autographed baseball, Sen. Rick Santorum keeps a framed photo of his son Gabriel Michael, the fourth of his seven children. Named for two archangels, Gabriel Michael was born prematurely, at 20 weeks, on Oct. 11, 1996, and lived two hours outside the womb.

    Upon their son’s death, Rick and Karen Santorum opted not to bring his body to a funeral home. Instead, they bundled him in a blanket and drove him to Karen’s parents’ home in Pittsburgh. There, they spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel with his three siblings, ages 6, 4 and 1 1/2. They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.

    “That’s my little guy,” Santorum says, pointing to the photo of Gabriel, in which his tiny physique is framed by his father’s hand. The senator often speaks of his late son in the present tense. It is a rare instance in which he talks softly.

    He and Karen brought Gabriel’s body home so their children could “absorb and understand that they had a brother,” Santorum says. “We wanted them to see that he was real,” not an abstraction, he says. Not a “fetus,” either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described — “a 20-week-old fetus” — on a hospital form. They changed the form to read “20-week-old baby.”

    Also see the blog entry for more.

    OK. I didn’t make it up. I promise!

  71. 71
    Punchy says:

    Stop! How. The hell. Does one bond with a dead anything?

    Please, stop. My sister did this. When you carry it for 7 months like she did, she considered it a family member.

  72. 72
    Richard 23 says:

    Oops. Looks like SeesThroughIt saw through it too. Sorry for the double post then. At least I provided links!

  73. 73
    Punchy says:

    Let me clarify: by “this”, I mean she named him and gave him a burial. She didn’t dress him up for pics and take him on a trip to the grocery store. THAT part is creepy.

  74. 74
    RSA says:

    I mean just look at the Christianist alternative to Hot Topic/The Gap/Skater apparel etc.

    I bought my brother one of those military-style “Soldier for Christ” T-shirts as a gift one Christmas. Fake bullet holes and all. I mean, how else should this stuff be taken than as camp?

  75. 75
    Dreggas says:

    Channeling howard stern for a moment…

    Rick should have named him “Clumpy”

  76. 76
    Dreggas says:

    RSA,

    I still want my Jesus Did It For The Chicks T-shirt.

    The scary part is that people do take this kind of thing far too seriously. I would almost hypothesize the reason they are against any and all birth control is so they can keep trying to multiply unchecked kind of like cancer.

  77. 77
    Pb says:

    One of the stranger bits in there is when they changed ’20 week old fetus’ to ’20 week old baby’. Er, no–it was a 20 week old fetus, and a 2 hour old baby, because he “lived two hours outside the womb”. I’m glad Rick Santorum is gone, and I hope this will stop such evangelical faith-based nuttiness from more firmly taking root in this country–but if it does, you can bet someone will be out there claiming 100,000 frozen embryos as dependents on their taxes…

  78. 78
    just sayin says:

    Okay, that’s funny, but are you aware that in many cities you can actually find yellow pages and/or giveaway advertising directories that advertise and list only “Christian” businesses? How you get designated as “Christian” is a mystery. My guess is that you have to contribute big bucks to somebody.

    You just have to buy the space like any other Yellow Pages operation. There’s no vetting. There’s a whole chain of the called “The Shepherd’s Guide.” It’s no different than advertising in a school yearbook or football program – targeted affinity marketing.

  79. 79
    jcricket says:

    Let me clarify: by “this”, I mean she named him and gave him a burial. She didn’t dress him up for pics and take him on a trip to the grocery store. THAT part is creepy.

    Right, the two things are different. It’s one thing to give a name and a burial to a full-term, near-full-term or otherwise would-have-been viable but stillborn/miscarried fetus/baby.

    I think it’s another thing to take glorified baby photos, bring the dead fetus/baby home to “bond with the children” or take it out with you as if the baby was alive. And I’m not a child psychologist, but I don’t think the whole continued “you have an angel brother/sister” (and picture over the fireplace to prove it) is really the healthiest thing. I felt the same when my very liberal friend became a total grief-mom after she miscarried a baby. She started writing poems and books about it, and spent all this time telling her child (whom she had later) about his “angel brother”.

    Again, this is a sensitive subject, and Santorum has many, many actual faults. This whole issue is not particularly relevant to his political standing, although it’s not a surprise given how he claimed to feel about Terri Schiavo.

  80. 80
    Dreggas says:

    Next great business Idea targetting fundies….

    Miscarriage Taxidermy…

  81. 81
    Louise says:

    If Rick Santorum and his family wanted to give their 20-week-old baby a homecoming and funeral…hell, if they wanted to take it to Sears for the family portrait — that’s their business. That’s the whole point. Alternatively, if Rick Santorum’s next door lesbian neighbor and her wife decide to have an abortion, that’s *their* business.

    If Rick would leave everyone else alone to do things *their* way, I’d have little argument with him following his own path.

    Ditto Haggard: as long as he wanted to remain closeted and in a faux marriage, that’s his business. Stupid, sad and pointless, but his business. The minute he starts preaching about the evils of homosexuality and trying to tell homosexuals they should be cured, and especially when he supports government intrusion into the issue? It’s open season.

  82. 82
    Baby Jane says:

    WTF kind of “process” is this?

    Head Injury

    Beautiful in its simplicity, a head injury can be inflicted on a child with little or no effort by the parents. One toss is usually enough to give little Bruce or little Betty the jolt he or she needs to see the path to righteousness.

  83. 83
    Jay says:

    Let me clarify: by “this”, I mean she named him and gave him a burial. She didn’t dress him up for pics and take him on a trip to the grocery store. THAT part is creepy.

    Sorry, I completely understand naming and burial at two months prem.. My issue is with the picture taking, driving it around, showing to children, etc. etc. And we’re talking a termination (technically an abortion, but don’t tell Rick) at 4, 4.5 months. Less than a foot long, less than a pound. Brutal.

    The six year old probably had the capacity to understand what Mom & Dad brought home, but a toddler and an infant? Nope. I add it to the long list of evidence that Dogman needs to be watched. From a safe distance.

    (GROCERY STORE??)

  84. 84
    DougJ says:

    It’s not the “homosexual” thing I have a problem with, it’s the WASTE

    It’s sad, because there’s some poor kid out there who could have gotten high with that meth.

  85. 85
    DougJ says:

    “Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

    Is he talking about pastors or gay prostitutes?

  86. 86
    SeesThroughIt says:

    I still want my Jesus Did It For The Chicks T-shirt.

    Hahaha, that’s a good one. Personally, I’m partial to “Jesus Love You Long Time.”

    The scary part is that people do take this kind of thing far too seriously. I would almost hypothesize the reason they are against any and all birth control is so they can keep trying to multiply unchecked kind of like cancer.

    You don’t have to “almost hypothesize.” I’ve seen that argument made in earnest by right-wingers. The general concept is “Liberals don’t want to have babies, and if they do accidentally get pregnant, then they just murder the unborn child. Meanwhile, we are being fruitful and multiplying, so eventually, we’re just gonna outbreed ’em and take over!”

  87. 87
    ThymeZone says:

    Again, this is a sensitive subject,

    Well, it’s bathos.

    It’s a “sensitive subject” when a family goes through such an experience.

    It’s bathos and manipulation when that family publicizes the thing and turns it into an opportunity for maudlin voyeurism.

    What people do in their own homes is not really my business, but a grotesque thing like this being blabbed about in public is just bullshit.

  88. 88

    Please, stop. My sister did this. When you carry it for 7 months like she did, she considered it a family member.

    I think this is all just another example of how modern society is incapable of dealing with death.

  89. 89
    Beej says:

    So, just sayin, The Foxy Lady strip club could purchase an ad? Actually, I think I’d pay to see that. The ad, not the strip club.

  90. 90
    Area Man says:

    I have to admit this retelling of Rick Santorum’s Memento Mori episode brings back memories of this sort of thing from my semi-hillbilly past. Not that I ever got used to it. What exactly does one say when confronted by an otherwise upbeat would-be mother with an 8 x 10 glossy of her stillborn? Please pass the mashed potatoes?

    I sort of feel sorry for Ricky’s brain-washed kids. But this fucker tried to insert creationism into No Child Left Behind. Its amazing that the wing-nuts still don’t get why he lost.

  91. 91
    jcricket says:

    Speaking of Little Ricky’s now traumatized children – His daughter will never live down the picture we’ve all seen. Kind of sad.

    Santorum, on the other, deserves every heaping tablespoon of scorn and disdain that’s been heaped his way, if not more. Dan Savage’s turning of Santorum into a sex-by-product descriptor was just brilliant.

  92. 92
    Baby Jane says:

    Speaking of Little Ricky’s now traumatized children – His daughter will never live down the picture we’ve all seen. Kind of sad.

    That’s so not funny! Do you have any more photos of her that won’t make me laugh?

  93. 93
    tBone says:

    You know, a lot of people were outraged (and rightfully so) when Rush Limbaugh compared Chelsea Clinton to a dog. What Savage is doing is not much different. Kids ought to be off-limits, no matter how disgusting and frothily-mixed their parents are.

    And yes, I’m a hypocrite who’s going to Hell for laughing at the “Sadness” one. Fuck off.

  94. 94
    Baby Jane says:

    Here’s a Fark about that photo, where you can find this unfunny photo.

  95. 95
    jcricket says:

    I like the photo (not photoshopped) where his son is unintentionally (?) giving everyone the finger. Home schooling not teaching you social conventions much? Although Rummy did the same thing today, and he doesn’t have glasses.

    That’s so not funny! Do you have any more photos of her that won’t make me laugh?

    I can link to the “angel baby” pictures. Those are not funny. Not at all. Zero funniness.

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