Since the NJ decision regarding civil unions, and my parents are still married and I can’t marry my cat.
WTF?
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.
It might be fine, or it might be a clusterfuck.
Technically true, but collectively nonsense
Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.
It’s the corruption, stupid.
I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.
And we’re all out of bubblegum.
Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Let there be snark.
Consistently wrong since 2002
The revolution will be supervised.
JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?
This is all too absurd to be reality, right?
Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity
This blog will pay for itself.
No one could have predicted…
Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.
We are aware of all internet traditions.
My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.
Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.
Damn right I heard that as a threat.
Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.
We can agree to disagree, but i’m right.
Peak wingnut was a lie.
Ned Raggett
It’s legal to harvest your cat’s stem cells now, though. I think. I heard Aramaic voices saying so while I was out capturing terrorists with my butterfly net.
The Other Steve
You know what is the real threat to marriage!?
Single people!
I saw some article a few weeks ago and said there are more single people in this country than married people.
Ned Raggett
I’m a thread to marriage by default? How evil of me.
Punchy
Fuck off… ;)…it ain’t from a lack of trying! I just wish women would have to tatoo “crazy” on their arm after their 12th broken relationship, just to save us (#13 et al) all the goddamn time and money we lose before figuring it out ourselves…
Faux News
12 hours have passed and scs still can’t marry her brother, or anyone else for that matter.
:-)
les
Maybe if you take the cat out to dinner first?
Kav
LOL,
John I hope you don’t mind but I have excerpted your whole post. It was just too small for me to take a portion.
As for cats, it’s box turtles that you should be worrying about.
Krista
Turned you down, did he?
ThymeZone
Try fresh salmon.
Krista
And Punchy:
I hope you’re not counting from when a woman first starts dating. I had my first boyfriend at age 13, and until I met the fellow I’m with now, my average relationship was 3 months long. You just have to find the ones who have fun with their experiences, learn from them, and move on, not the ones who get all bitter and pissy.
Bombadil
I thought that was already legal in West Virginia. Or was that just a common-law arrangement?
Buddy
Well it might help if the cat even liked you…
capelza
John, count your blessings…if you and the cat got a divorce..they’d take you to the cleaners…you’d be paying for fresh crab forever!
ET
No one ever said cats were stupid…. and hey aren’t you already married ’cause no one ever said anything about poligimy.
Pixie
Since the NJ decision regarding civil unions, and my parents are still married and I can’t marry my cat.
WTF?
I feel you pain John…I’m still waiting for the legal cover I need to marry one of my house hold appliances.
Davebo
Ahh.. But you’re thinking about marrying your cat so obviously we’re heading down that slippery slope!
capelza
The avacado appliance is a jealous mistress!
Once when I went to the 24 Hour Church of Elvis in downtown PDX, OR..that was the “oracle” spit out at me after I donated a quarter to it.
Truer words have never been spoken!
tBone
If Amendment 2 passes you’ll be able to clone them too. That’s right – if the Democrats win, John Cole is going to gay-marry a herd of cat-clones. Does that sound like an America you want to live in, moonbats? Does it??
Cassidy
Punchy,
Assume crazy from the beginning and place the burden of proof on her. :)
Al
And on top of that, the cat clones will open up a free abortion clinic with a mosque in the back! Oh, the horror!
Zifnab
If John Cole is allowed to marry a bunch of gay cloned cats, I’m moving to Canada.
Face
It’s still pissed you didn’t name it “Lambert”
Pixie
Don’t forget the human-animal hybrids! We need some type of manimal to take care of the cat clones in charge of the mandatory abortion/organ harvesting clinic.
jcricket
Don’t do it. The socialist government there will force you to marry your gay cloned cat, as opposed to the individual freedom we have to choose which gay cloned cat to marry that we have here in the US of A.
p.lukasiak
John, you can always apply for a license in Pennsylvania, where Santorum has declared man/dog sex to be legal. If they refuse you a license, sue the state for specie-ist discrimination!
Vlad
Duh. You can’t marry your cat because he’s a BOY cat. You need a separate amendment for that one.
Perv.
Mary
You can sodomize your cat without getting married to it if you live in Ohio.
Text. (Scroll down to: “John Scalzi is a crack-smoking cat sodomizer. It’s true. I’ve seen the pictures.”)
NSFW image.
After after you’ve smoked your crack and sodomized your cat, you can put bacon on it. Mmmmmmmmm. Baaaacon.
SeesThroughIt
Q: What’s the difference between Charles Manson and every woman I’ve ever dated?
A: At least Manson has the consideration to look like a deranged crazy.
The real issue here is if we can start marrying inanimate objects now. And if so, how do we decide if it’s a gay marriage or not?
Krista
We are a weird, weird bunch. This thread is getting more disturbing by the minute.
Krista
You’ll have to learn to speak French if you’re going to do that. Their nouns have genders. So if you want to marry a potato, you’re perfectly normal. If you want to marry a chair, then you’re a gay perv-o.
Punchy
Here’s a Kansas Senator’s take on NJ Gay marriage:
That’s right. Illegal wiretapping against the constitution? Nah. Gays spooning? Gimmie the police and a scholar to write an Amendment!!
tBone
I have friends who claim they already did. Bada-bing!
Phoenician in a time of Romans
Does anyone know if NJ is still there, or has it been hit by a meteorite yet?
Ugh
Well, Leon’s calling you out John (or whatever).
Punchy
Can someone translate this to English? Is he saying that Cole DOES believe stuff on his site, and therefore isn’t drinking Kool-Aid? Or that if he DOESN’T believe it….examine “strategy”?
Do all RedStaters write on a 4th grade level, or just this clown?
Pooh
Hell hath no fury like a winger scorned.
Ugh
I think its “If it’s true that John belives half the crap on his front page, then he’s drinking Kool-Aid, no matter what he might think.” If that’s any clearer.
I’m not sure I’d describe Leon H. Wolf as a clown, but nothing comes to mind.
Peter ve
But Rush is still divorced! If only there wasn’t gay marriage, Daryn Kagan (sp???) would be desparate enough to marry him….
yet another jeff
I’m just pissed someone got to the common-law comment before I could.
Hmmm, he thinks you believe half the crap of the stuff on your front page. Is he saying you only believe Tim and not yourself? You don’t believe Tim? What strategy is he talking about? Ow…he makes my head hurt.
Newport 9
As Bilbo Baggins would put it, I believe more than half the crap you put on your front page, and I like less than half the crap half as much as it deserves.
Jess
There’s a word for guys with this approach to dating: dumped.
mere mortal
Yeah, but I think my dog just married her own butt…
Nope, she was just making out with it.
t. jasper parnell
You got it all wrong; it is a Rovian Novmeber surprise, see he called the NJ Supreme Court and told them to take one for the team so that the base would be energized.
ChangeWarrior
“You know what is the real threat to marriage!?
Single people!”
Hmmm….I’ve known a few married people who were a threat to marriage.
Just stay single…experience the freedom…find some cat who’s willing to just live with you for the companionship (and the occasional salmon dinner).