Twelve Hours Have Passed

Since the NJ decision regarding civil unions, and my parents are still married and I can’t marry my cat.

WTF?






44 replies
  1. 1
    Ned Raggett says:

    It’s legal to harvest your cat’s stem cells now, though. I think. I heard Aramaic voices saying so while I was out capturing terrorists with my butterfly net.

  2. 2

    You know what is the real threat to marriage!?

    Single people!

    I saw some article a few weeks ago and said there are more single people in this country than married people.

  3. 3
    Ned Raggett says:

    I’m a thread to marriage by default? How evil of me.

  4. 4
    Punchy says:

    I saw some article a few weeks ago and said there are more single people in this country than married people.

    Fuck off… ;)…it ain’t from a lack of trying! I just wish women would have to tatoo “crazy” on their arm after their 12th broken relationship, just to save us (#13 et al) all the goddamn time and money we lose before figuring it out ourselves…

  5. 5
    Faux News says:

    12 hours have passed and scs still can’t marry her brother, or anyone else for that matter.

    :-)

  6. 6
    les says:

    Maybe if you take the cat out to dinner first?

  7. 7
    Kav says:

    LOL,

    John I hope you don’t mind but I have excerpted your whole post. It was just too small for me to take a portion.

    As for cats, it’s box turtles that you should be worrying about.

  8. 8
    Krista says:

    Since the NJ decision regarding civil unions, and my parents are still married and I can’t marry my cat.

    Turned you down, did he?

  9. 9
    ThymeZone says:

    I can’t marry my cat.

    Try fresh salmon.

  10. 10
    Krista says:

    And Punchy:

    Fuck off… …it ain’t from a lack of trying! I just wish women would have to tatoo “crazy” on their arm after their 12th broken relationship, just to save us (#13 et al) all the goddamn time and money we lose before figuring it out ourselves…

    I hope you’re not counting from when a woman first starts dating. I had my first boyfriend at age 13, and until I met the fellow I’m with now, my average relationship was 3 months long. You just have to find the ones who have fun with their experiences, learn from them, and move on, not the ones who get all bitter and pissy.

  11. 11
    Bombadil says:

    Since the NJ decision regarding civil unions, and my parents are still married and I can’t marry my cat.

    WTF?

    I thought that was already legal in West Virginia. Or was that just a common-law arrangement?

  12. 12
    Buddy says:

    Well it might help if the cat even liked you…

  13. 13
    capelza says:

    John, count your blessings…if you and the cat got a divorce..they’d take you to the cleaners…you’d be paying for fresh crab forever!

  14. 14
    ET says:

    No one ever said cats were stupid…. and hey aren’t you already married ’cause no one ever said anything about poligimy.

  15. 15
    Pixie says:

    Since the NJ decision regarding civil unions, and my parents are still married and I can’t marry my cat.

    WTF?

    I feel you pain John…I’m still waiting for the legal cover I need to marry one of my house hold appliances.

  16. 16
    Davebo says:

    Ahh.. But you’re thinking about marrying your cat so obviously we’re heading down that slippery slope!

  17. 17
    capelza says:

    Pixie Says:

    I feel you pain John…I’m still waiting for the legal cover I need to marry one of my house hold appliances.

    The avacado appliance is a jealous mistress!

    Once when I went to the 24 Hour Church of Elvis in downtown PDX, OR..that was the “oracle” spit out at me after I donated a quarter to it.

    Truer words have never been spoken!

  18. 18
    tBone says:

    It’s legal to harvest your cat’s stem cells now, though.

    If Amendment 2 passes you’ll be able to clone them too. That’s right – if the Democrats win, John Cole is going to gay-marry a herd of cat-clones. Does that sound like an America you want to live in, moonbats? Does it??

  19. 19
    Cassidy says:

    Punchy,

    Assume crazy from the beginning and place the burden of proof on her. :)

  20. 20
    Al says:

    And on top of that, the cat clones will open up a free abortion clinic with a mosque in the back! Oh, the horror!

  21. 21
    Zifnab says:

    If Amendment 2 passes you’ll be able to clone them too. That’s right – if the Democrats win, John Cole is going to gay-marry a herd of cat-clones. Does that sound like an America you want to live in, moonbats? Does it??

    If John Cole is allowed to marry a bunch of gay cloned cats, I’m moving to Canada.

  22. 22
    Face says:

    I can’t marry my cat.

    It’s still pissed you didn’t name it “Lambert”

  23. 23
    Pixie says:

    Don’t forget the human-animal hybrids! We need some type of manimal to take care of the cat clones in charge of the mandatory abortion/organ harvesting clinic.

  24. 24
    jcricket says:

    If John Cole is allowed to marry a bunch of gay cloned cats, I’m moving to Canada.

    Don’t do it. The socialist government there will force you to marry your gay cloned cat, as opposed to the individual freedom we have to choose which gay cloned cat to marry that we have here in the US of A.

  25. 25
    p.lukasiak says:

    John, you can always apply for a license in Pennsylvania, where Santorum has declared man/dog sex to be legal. If they refuse you a license, sue the state for specie-ist discrimination!

  26. 26
    Vlad says:

    Duh. You can’t marry your cat because he’s a BOY cat. You need a separate amendment for that one.

    Perv.

  27. 27
    Mary says:

    You can sodomize your cat without getting married to it if you live in Ohio.

    Text. (Scroll down to: “John Scalzi is a crack-smoking cat sodomizer. It’s true. I’ve seen the pictures.”)

    NSFW image.

    After after you’ve smoked your crack and sodomized your cat, you can put bacon on it. Mmmmmmmmm. Baaaacon.

  28. 28
    SeesThroughIt says:

    I just wish women would have to tatoo “crazy” on their arm after their 12th broken relationship, just to save us (#13 et al) all the goddamn time and money we lose before figuring it out ourselves…

    Q: What’s the difference between Charles Manson and every woman I’ve ever dated?

    A: At least Manson has the consideration to look like a deranged crazy.

    The real issue here is if we can start marrying inanimate objects now. And if so, how do we decide if it’s a gay marriage or not?

  29. 29
    Krista says:

    We are a weird, weird bunch. This thread is getting more disturbing by the minute.

  30. 30
    Krista says:

    The real issue here is if we can start marrying inanimate objects now. And if so, how do we decide if it’s a gay marriage or not?

    You’ll have to learn to speak French if you’re going to do that. Their nouns have genders. So if you want to marry a potato, you’re perfectly normal. If you want to marry a chair, then you’re a gay perv-o.

  31. 31
    Punchy says:

    Here’s a Kansas Senator’s take on NJ Gay marriage:

    “Republican Senator Sam Brownback said the decision “deepens” a “constitutional crisis.”

    That’s right. Illegal wiretapping against the constitution? Nah. Gays spooning? Gimmie the police and a scholar to write an Amendment!!

  32. 32
    tBone says:

    The real issue here is if we can start marrying inanimate objects now.

    I have friends who claim they already did. Bada-bing!

  33. 33
    Phoenician in a time of Romans says:

    Does anyone know if NJ is still there, or has it been hit by a meteorite yet?

  34. 34
    Ugh says:

    Well, Leon’s calling you out John (or whatever).

  35. 35
    Punchy says:

    What’s worse is that I get the sense that John believes half the crap that’s on his front page right now – and if that’s true, he’s a fool if he thinks he’s no longer drinking Kool-Aid. If he doesn’t believe it, then he needs to re-examine his strategy.

    Can someone translate this to English? Is he saying that Cole DOES believe stuff on his site, and therefore isn’t drinking Kool-Aid? Or that if he DOESN’T believe it….examine “strategy”?

    Do all RedStaters write on a 4th grade level, or just this clown?

  36. 36
    Pooh says:

    Well, Leon’s calling you out John (or whatever).

    Hell hath no fury like a winger scorned.

  37. 37
    Ugh says:

    I think its “If it’s true that John belives half the crap on his front page, then he’s drinking Kool-Aid, no matter what he might think.” If that’s any clearer.

    I’m not sure I’d describe Leon H. Wolf as a clown, but nothing comes to mind.

  38. 38
    Peter ve says:

    But Rush is still divorced! If only there wasn’t gay marriage, Daryn Kagan (sp???) would be desparate enough to marry him….

  39. 39
    yet another jeff says:

    I’m just pissed someone got to the common-law comment before I could.

    Hmmm, he thinks you believe half the crap of the stuff on your front page. Is he saying you only believe Tim and not yourself? You don’t believe Tim? What strategy is he talking about? Ow…he makes my head hurt.

  40. 40
    Newport 9 says:

    As Bilbo Baggins would put it, I believe more than half the crap you put on your front page, and I like less than half the crap half as much as it deserves.

  41. 41
    Jess says:

    Assume crazy from the beginning and place the burden of proof on her

    There’s a word for guys with this approach to dating: dumped.

  42. 42
    mere mortal says:

    [12 hours] Since the NJ decision regarding civil unions, and my parents are still married and I can’t marry my cat.

    Yeah, but I think my dog just married her own butt…
    Nope, she was just making out with it.

  43. 43
    t. jasper parnell says:

    You got it all wrong; it is a Rovian Novmeber surprise, see he called the NJ Supreme Court and told them to take one for the team so that the base would be energized.

  44. 44
    ChangeWarrior says:

    “You know what is the real threat to marriage!?

    Single people!”

    Hmmm….I’ve known a few married people who were a threat to marriage.
    Just stay single…experience the freedom…find some cat who’s willing to just live with you for the companionship (and the occasional salmon dinner).

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