Snakes On A Plane: Greatest Movie Evah, Law Enforcement Tool

I understand that the SoaP phenomenon is like so last week, but this seemed pretty amusing :

While I was struggling to come up with something new, I thought of this blog which I read pretty often and that’s why “Snakesonagirl” was mentioned on the Dateline episode, as it was my trolling name in Yahoo Florida chats.

The name helped nab three predators, one of which has had prior charges and another which brought duct tape and rope hence it was pretty useful!

It amazes me how the internet is the pedophile’s greatest gift and his greatest enemy at the same time. On the one hand a perv has the irresistible allure of instant access to virtual rooms full of hundreds of prepubescent innocents who don’t know that you’re forty-five and in your underwear, but on the other hand one in ten is a cop. Truly the ‘net is a timesaver, whether you’re a perv or you’re trying to put a perv away.

On a side note, some days I wonder what is the longest time that a cop in Miami sat on a computer chatting to another cop in Minneapolis about Harry Potter or My Little Pony.






38 replies
  1. 1
    Pooh says:

    On a side note, some days I wonder what is the longest time that a cop in Miami sat on a computer chatting to another cop in Minneapolis about Harry Potter or My Little Pony.

    There has to be a secret handshake. Sort of like all of us DougJ creations embed a secret code in all of our posts so we don’t spoof each other.

  2. 2
    demimondian says:

    Hey, Pooh? The handshake changed last week.

    (bx–df++/w/sd)

  3. 3
  4. 4
    tBone says:

    you’re forty-five and in your underwear

    Quit hacking my webcam, you jerk.

  5. 5
    Davebo says:

    Bottom line?

    Perverts tend to be less than the sharpest bowling balls on the rack.

  6. 6
    norbizness says:

    Not appropos of the actual subject matter, but I saw a parody leaflet at the video store entitled “SOMEBODY get these motherfucking PUPPIES out of the MOTHERFUCKING HOV lane!!”

  7. 7
    Off Colfax says:

    On a side note, some days I wonder what is the longest time that a cop in Miami sat on a computer chatting to another cop in Minneapolis about Harry Potter or My Little Pony.

    Tim, you don’t know how close you came to owing me a keyboard for that one. Instead, I just needed to wipe the coffee off the monitor.

    So you owe me a coffee.

  8. 8

    I HATE HOV LANES! SOCIAL ENGINEERING AT IT’S WORST!

  9. 9
    Perry Como says:

    Not appropos

    Discounted automatically.

  10. 10
    Jess says:

    Not appropos of the actual subject matter

    Even less appropos, but it gave me a giggle this morning: a bumper touting a town in Alaska as “a small drinking village with a fishing problem.”

  11. 11
    rachel says:

    Ah, that great equalizer the Internet: a 13-year-old girl can be a 25-year-old man, a 45-year-old pedophile can be an 18-year-old high school student and a cop of any age or sex can be a 13-year-old girl.

    And about those Harry Potter/My Little Pony discussions? Maybe fandom_wank knows.

  12. 12
    Krista says:

    a bumper touting a town in Alaska as “a small drinking village with a fishing problem.”

    Shit. So THAT’S where our sign went!

  13. 13
    Parahalo says:

    NSA/DIA tapped your personal stuff because of the Global Drug War on Terror, but, I guess, there should be only one intenet.

  14. 14

    Snakes on a Plane is destined to have the greatest opening weekend of any snake-themed movie EVER. And that includes Conan the Barbarian. ;)

    As for the pervs getting caught… have you ever watched those Dateline MSNBC episodes? I swear, how dumb are these guys especially after the THIRD EPISODE IN THREE MONTHS showing them getting caught in the act? By now, any pedo on the chats has got to be thinking “Hey, that’s not a 13-year-old Hermione wannabe! That’s Stone Philips!” But they still keep doing this stupid sh-t. I guess their horniness outweighs any caution…

    So far, creepiest guy yet getting caught: the one who brought his 5-year-old son with him. WTF? Was he expecting the girl to babysit later?

  15. 15
    Punchy says:

    Snakes on a Plane is destined to have the greatest opening weekend of any snake-themed movie EVER.

    I’m betting there’s some Ron Jeremy flicks that may have had some great openings (ha!), and seem to fit your criteria as well…

  16. 16
    DecidedFenceSitter says:

    Paul Wartenberg Says:

    So far, creepiest guy yet getting caught: the one who brought his 5-year-old son with him. WTF? Was he expecting the girl to babysit later?

    First Thought: Threesome.

    Second Thought: Well at least Hell will be warm.

  17. 17
    Krista says:

    I’m betting there’s some Ron Jeremy flicks that may have had some great openings (ha!), and seem to fit your criteria as well…

    From Merriam-Webster:

    : notably large in size : HUGE b : of a kind characterized by relative largeness — used in plant and animal names c : ELABORATE, AMPLE

    : markedly superior in character or quality;

    Something tells me that Paul was speaking in context of the latter definition, rather than the former…

  18. 18

    Punchy Says:

    I’m betting there’s some Ron Jeremy flicks that may have had some great openings (ha!), and seem to fit your criteria as well…

    Wait, the ones he starred in or the ones he directed? There is a distinction you know…

  19. 19
    Punchy says:

    Wait, the ones he starred in or the ones he directed? There is a distinction you know…

    Actually, I have no idea what the distinction is. I didn’t know he directed any movies.

    Note to self: emerse yourself in porn. You’re looking like a dumbass on the BJ website b/c you simply haven’t seen enough porn. Watch more porn. Steak and Eggs for breakfast? No. Orange Juice and Jeremy. Biscuits and boobs. Ramen “noodles” for lunch. Tuna, meatloaf, and creamed corn for dinner.

  20. 20
    demimondian says:

    Punchy opines:

    emerse yourself in porn

    You might immerse yourse in orthography first.

    demi “Who? Me? Snarky mood? Why do you ask?” mondian

  21. 21
    Krista says:

    You might immerse yourse in orthography first.

    Um…don’t you mean immerse yourself in orthography?

    /ducks

  22. 22
    Punchy says:

    Perhaps I meant “emersed”…after all…

    Main Entry: emersed
    Pronunciation: (“)E-‘m&rst
    Function: adjective
    : standing out of or rising above a surface

    Seems strangely applicable to the topic…

    (pause…check spelling…check grammer…)

  23. 23
    Punchy says:

    check grammer

    grammar. dammit.

  24. 24
    Zifnab says:

    As for the pervs getting caught… have you ever watched those Dateline MSNBC episodes? I swear, how dumb are these guys especially after the THIRD EPISODE IN THREE MONTHS showing them getting caught in the act? By now, any pedo on the chats has got to be thinking “Hey, that’s not a 13-year-old Hermione wannabe! That’s Stone Philips!” But they still keep doing this stupid sh-t. I guess their horniness outweighs any caution…

    Maybe pedophiles don’t watch the news. Maybe at a certain point they just start catching guys who want to molest Stone Philips instead.

    My personal favorite was the guy who walked in naked and just found an empty kitchen, a towel, and Philips hiding in the pantry telling him to cover himself up. But, I mean, the guy with his kid… it’s so hard for a working dad on the go to spend time with his son and still molest a 13-year old girl. I bet he makes a creapy-as-hell Little League coach or Boy Scout leader.

  25. 25
    demimondian says:

    don’t you mean immerse yourself in orthography?

    Actually, believe it or not, no, I meant yourse, as in goatse. If you don’t understand the reference…well, consider yourse lucky.

  26. 26
    Mike in SLO says:

    I’ll get accused of defending pedophiles, but I hate those Dateline stings. I wonder how many of these guys actually get invitations from real kids to come over for sex. My guess is that a lot of talk goes on online but rarely does a 13 year old girl invite some stranger over for sex. So I think Dateline keeps getting these guys because after trying for so long someone finally invites them over. And if this is a really big problem, as Dateline seems to imply, what does that say about parenting in this country? That parents are so out of touch with their kids that 13 year old girls are actively seeking sex with strangers online? Are our children so ignored that they don’t know the dangers in this, that they don’t know right and wrong? I really wonder how many kids are sexually assaulted by online predators. The shows never give any hard data or numbers to support the claim that our children are being attacked. I really wonder how much is titilization and how much is ratings. After all, even though all these guys are arrested, how many are actually convicted? No sex ever took place, so I imagine any halfway decent lawyer would get these guys off. (no pun intended).

  27. 27
    Mike in SLO says:

    Titilization? Okay, so I invented a word. Hopefully I was understood anyway!

  28. 28
    demimondian says:

    I bet he makes a creapy-as-hell Little League coach or Boy Scout leader.

    My problem with Philips’ work here is that…damn it, 90+% of all molested children are attacked by people that they know. Stranger molestations terrify parents — believe me, I have kids in the at-risk age, and they terrify me — but they’re really jackalopes. What is he doing to root out the “close family friend” abusers? That’s my question…

  29. 29
    tBone says:

    Actually, believe it or not, no, I meant yourse, as in goatse. If you don’t understand the reference…well, consider yourse lucky.

    Gee, thanks for bringing that up, demi. I haven’t seen it for years, but I still feel compelled to go scrub my eyeballs with bleach now.

  30. 30
    Krista says:

    Well, I guess I’m lucky then. Dying of curiousity, but lucky.

  31. 31
    demimondian says:

    Krista, it’s “one of the Internet’s most famous shock memes” (from the Wikipedia entry). Even reading the Wikipedia entry has many of the same effects as reading _The Necronomicon_.

  32. 32
    Krista says:

    Jesus H. Christ on toast….I just read the first bit of the Wiki entry, and that’s enough for me.

    And Brian said that I have no morals….

  33. 33
    tBone says:

    And Brian said that I have no morals….

    Wait wait wait. Brian is the goatse guy??

  34. 34
    demimondian says:

    Jesus H. Christ on toast….I just read the first bit of the Wiki entry, and that’s enough for me.

    Like I said, _The Necronomicon_. Imagine chasing an innocent looking link on a discussion site and encountering the real thing…

  35. 35

    As for the pervs getting caught… have you ever watched those Dateline MSNBC episodes? I swear, how dumb are these guys especially after the THIRD EPISODE IN THREE MONTHS showing them getting caught in the act? By now, any pedo on the chats has got to be thinking “Hey, that’s not a 13-year-old Hermione wannabe! That’s Stone Philips!” But they still keep doing this stupid sh-t. I guess their horniness outweighs any caution…

    I just visited the Perverted Justice website. And oh man, these pedos ARE THAT DUMB! I just finished reading a report on how 4 of these guys, within days of getting caught and released on bail, went back into the chats, went back to flirted with supposed 13-year-olds, and went back to GETTING CAUGHT BY THE COPS PULLING THE SAME SH-T. Some of them were even complaining about getting caught the first time around to their potential victims. Where do these idjits get to think like this?!?!

  36. 36
    Pooh says:

    And if this is a really big problem, as Dateline seems to imply, what does that say about parenting in this country? That parents are so out of touch with their kids that 13 year old girls are actively seeking sex with strangers online?

    Exactly. But instead of actually doing something (from what I understand, parenting well is hard, they get to get their outrage on by watching some people with manifest problems get all-but-hogtied on national TV.

  37. 37

    demimondian Says:

    My problem with Philips’ work here is that…damn it, 90+% of all molested children are attacked by people that they know. Stranger molestations terrify parents—believe me, I have kids in the at-risk age, and they terrify me—but they’re really jackalopes. What is he doing to root out the “close family friend” abusers? That’s my question…

    The problem there is that the friend-of-the-family/perverted uncle assaults are harder to catch. For one thing they don’t leave a cybertrail. The emotional trauma is harder to shake off, issues of trust are harder to break. You’re right in that the threat from within a close circle like family/friends is more common, but in those cases it heavily relies on the victims to step up, something very difficult to do… :(

  38. 38

    One last thing, and this relates to Snakes on a Plane as a movie: Kevin Smith moved up the release of Clerks II to avoid a direct confrontation with SoaP in the theaters. Instead he’s competing with Shyamalan’s Lady in the Water.

    Take of that what you will.

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