Dumbest Story to Consume the Blogosphere to Date

The X over Dick Cheney’s face on CNN.

Who f–king cares?

And yet, hundreds of blogs are caught up in it.

Meanwhile, I have important decisions to make. Turkey or duck tomorrow? I have ALWAYS had turkey on Thanksgiving, but maybe duck would be an interesting change.

Jeebus. I will have turkey. I don’t want to get deported to Cuba or something.

Here is the line-up so far:

Turkey (yes, I will soak it in salt water)
Stuffing
Sauerkraut
Green Beans
Creamed Onions
Mashed Potatoes
Cranberries
Gravy, Gravy, Gravy

Anything else?

48 replies
  1. 1
    Lines says:

    Turducken! And it will only cost you around $175 (heard it on the news last night).

    Just think, you too can eat like John Madden!

  2. 2
    EL says:

    General tip – if you’re cooking turkey, brine it first. The difference is impressive.

  3. 3
    Thomas says:

    You should think about a goose. Or, as per my rarely-used French Menu Cookbook, an aged pheasant.

  4. 4
    Steve says:

    Yes, this is the worst outrage since that crescent-shaped memorial.

  5. 5
    Mr Furious says:

    It weas just like a game show, every time Cheney lied or was wrong, the X came up…

    (I actually don’t know anything about this story…and John’s links are too hysterical to glean anything useful from.)

    I’ll second EL on the brine. Also, deep frying is suprisingly good.

  6. 6
    Laura says:

    Turkey for Thanksgiving. Duck for Christmas. We had duck last year for Christmas and it was a hit. A new tradition was born.

  7. 7
    SomeCallMeTim says:

    maybe duck would be an interesting change

    Gawd, you really are fucking evil, aren’t you? It’s Thanksgiving. In America. Jeebus.

  8. 8
    Doug says:

    Second the brined turkey for Thanksgiving and duck for X-mas.

  9. 9
    Horshu says:

    Another in favor of brining your turkey. Makes it much, much more moist. Another idea if you’re doing a turkey, and you can find them, is truffled turkey, which is basically stuffing sliced black truffles under the skin and in the cavity with the stuffing. It’s something unique that adds a lot of flavor to the bird.

  10. 10
    Vlad says:

    I’m with everybody else on the turkey side of the equation.

    Also, speaking as a guy who makes his living as a TV producer, the X looks like an honest error to me. I’ve made similar mistakes before, though thankfully my show doesn’t air live.

  11. 11
    Richard Bottoms says:

    >Who f—king cares?

    The Right-wing noise machine as the endless ‘the leftwing media hates us’ chorus is sung again.

  12. 12
    Faux News says:

    No adult beverages???

  13. 13
    Pb says:

    Or perhaps you would get deported to Turkey…

  14. 14
    Thomas says:

    ‘Anything else?’

    Don’t forget Freedom Wine, aka champagne.

  15. 15
    rilkefan says:

    I so wish I lived in a universe where duck was legal on Thangsgiving and I didn’t have a bad cold.

  16. 16
    Laura says:

    How about yam or sweet potato casserole? And pumpkin and and pecan pies. And make sure you have the good bread or rolls on hand for sandwiches the next day.

  17. 17
    jack says:

    For some reason, there’s always got to be rutabaga. Even if no one eats it.

    Apparently it helps flavor and thicken the inevitable soup immemsely

  18. 18
    jcricket says:

    Next year, smoked turkey from Greenbergs. Best thing ever and very little prep!

    Oh, and as the RWNM becomes increasingly desperate to put the media “back” in its place (hiding because they fear being called liberal) they will increasingly resort to manufactured scandals like this. I expect breathless reports on all the mold in the CNN bathrooms next.

  19. 19
    Ancient Purple says:

    When are we going to hear about the good things from John stabbing the Pilgrims in the back with his duck cravings?

  20. 20
    Darrell says:

    The X over Dick Cheney’s face on CNN.

    Who f—king cares?

    Well given the leftist kooks are always smearing ‘faux news’, which * really is * far more fair and balanced than CNN, they need to have this shoved up their collective asses

    “CNN Employee On Tape answering @ the CNN Headline News desk says: ” Cheney “X” Is “Freedom of Speech” – “Tell Bush And Cheney To Stop Lying”.

    Oh, and didn’t CNN agree to slant news to whatever Saddam approved in order keep their Baghdad bureau? Any remotely equivalent example on the part of Fox news?

  21. 21
    Darrell says:

    Here is the line-up so far:

    Turkey (yes, I will soak it in salt water)
    Stuffing
    Sauerkraut
    Green Beans
    Creamed Onions
    Mashed Potatoes
    Cranberries
    Gravy, Gravy, Gravy

    Hey, don’t forget dessert. Pumpkin and/or pecan pie at a minimum. Oh, and asparagus is a delicious Thanksgiving treat, but not for dessert

  22. 22
    maha says:

    No sweet potato, brown sugar and marshmallow casserole? To Cuba with you!

    And lots of punkin pie and cans of whipped cream for the after-dinner whipped cream wars.

  23. 23
    Mary says:

    If you don’t have truffles on hand, slide some stuffing between the breast skin and the meat. It prevents the breast from getting dry (although brining certainly helps a lot, too) and adds flavour. If it’s a small turkey, you could also try cooking it breast side down for an hour then turning it over. I always do that with chicken when I don’t make stuffing.

    Try roasted green beans — they look ugly but taste delicious, like most roasted veggies.

    Preheat oven to 450. Disconnect smoke alarm near kitchen. Toss one pound of trimmed beans with 1 tablespoon olive oil (not extra virgin — it will burn!) and a little salt. Place on baking sheet lined with foil (don’t use parchment paper or a silicon sheet as they can’t handle the high temperatures).

    Roast 10 minutes.

    Remove tray and re-arrange beans so that they will cook evenly.

    Roast about another 10 minutes. Shrivelled all over and caramel brown in spots are good, black is bad.

    Add pepper, more salt if needed. I swear, these things have replaced french fries for me.

  24. 24
    Mary says:

    Oh yeah — reconnect the smoke alarm. God forbid any harm come to you because of evil Canucks bearing recipes.

  25. 25
    Mr.Ortiz says:

    Has anyone listened to the “tape” of the CNN employee? I’m betting it’s fake but if it’s not, somebody’s fired. Why would the caller even believe that the guy who answers the phones has any insight into production decisions? At worst, he was tired of deflecting the question for the billionth time and said what he said to get a rise out of her.

    Oh, um.. yay, turkey!

  26. 26
    Darrell says:

    Why would the caller even believe that the guy who answers the phones has any insight into production decisions? At worst, he was tired of deflecting the question for the billionth time and said what he said to get a rise out of her.

    Let the lying excuses begin. Faux News!!

  27. 27
    Geek, Esq. says:

    I’m on a low carb diet, so about 20 lbs o’ turkey for me.

    I actually posted a Kos diary about how idiotic that Cheney-X stuff is.

  28. 28
    guyermo says:

    Sweet Potatoes, and a nice wine (I prefer Riesling with turkey). Don’t deep fry the turkey. That’s just lazy and dangerous.

    Can’t say I agree with saurkraut for thanksgiving. On a brat, yes. With turkey? no.

  29. 29
    Barry says:

    “Thomas Says:

    You should think about a goose. Or, as per my rarely-used French Menu Cookbook, an aged pheasant.”

    Nobody listen to Thomas. Those aged peasants are stringy as h*ll, and cooking them overnight doesn’t help one bit. You want the *young* peasants, who are still all plump and tender. Swift’s book has some good tips on this, although he was talking about Irish peasants and English cooking.

  30. 30
    JWeidner says:

    Well given the leftist kooks are always smearing ‘faux news’, which * really is * far more fair and balanced than CNN

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    To steal a line from ppgaz – coffee all over my keyboard.

    IMO, if nothing else, this is one of the greatest victory of the Right over the media – that news should somehow be “fair and balanced”. What a crock. As long as they’ve been printing newspapers, political viewpoints have seeped into the pages and news reports.

    Hell, William Randolph Hearst practically launched the US into the Spanish American War all by himself back in the late 1890s by infusing his news reporting with inflamatory and sensationalist stories.

    Even the LA Times used to be a Republican biased newspaper back in the days when Harrison Otis was the editor. It wasn’t until the 1960’s, when Otis Chandler took over as editor that the tone of reporting shifted to one more liberal.

    Anyway, I always have to laugh whenever someone states that “Fox News really is fair and balanced”.

    Please. It’s no more so than the NY Times.

  31. 31
    Steve S says:

    I think we can all agree that Dick Cheney looks a whole lot better with a big black X over his face.

    Turkey (yes, I will soak it in salt water)
    Stuffing
    Sauerkraut
    Green Beans
    Creamed Onions
    Mashed Potatoes
    Cranberries
    Gravy, Gravy, Gravy

    Sauerkraut? Bleah!

    A proper Thanksgiving would not be complete without a Mincemeat Pie.

    Failing that you can substitute Pumpkin or Apple. But they’re not as good as Mincemeat.

  32. 32
    JWeidner says:

    You want the young peasants, who are still all plump and tender. Swift’s book has some good tips on this, although he was talking about Irish peasants and English cooking.

    Did I just sense a dramatic shift away from cooking? Young, plump Irish ‘peasants’?

  33. 33
    JWeidner says:

    I should add that I get the reference to Swift and his work and that, yes, there was cooking involved there. It just also struck me that the post could involve peasants without cooking them….

  34. 34
    SeesThroughIt says:

    Anyway, I always have to laugh whenever someone states that “Fox News really is fair and balanced”.

    Ditto. It’s just a ridiculous statement on the face of it–anybody who has watched five consecutive minutes of Fox News can plainly see it’s a conservative mouthpiece. Which would be fine if they would simply drop the ridiculous charade of “fair and balanced,” “we report, you decide” or whatever other tripe they’ve got and just say, “We are a right-wing news outfit.” At least it’d be honest that way.

    Also, how soon we forget, not only is Fox NOT fair and balanced, it’s by far the most slanted and factually incorrect news outlet. No small wonder that Fox News fanatics tend to be the most misinformed–their news outlet of choice misinforms them, and deliberately so.

    Naturally, the same people who heartily say, “Fox News is fair and balanced,” are also jumping all over this massive conspiracy to put a big black X over Cheney’s face as a symbol of…a symbol of…uh…liberal media bias, I guess? Who knows. It’s funny to see the same peopple who rail against “liberal conspiracy theorizing” shoot off into the conspiracy ether with this one.

  35. 35
    Horshu says:

    Another way of cooking the turkey is a high roast, which basically means you split the bird at the breastbone and cook it in the oven skin-up at 450. To keep the drippings from flaring up in the heat, put some raw, seasoned potatoes & garlic underneath, and the drippings get absorbed by the potatoes instead of burning in the oven.
    It cooks in half the time while being juicier with very crispy skin.

  36. 36
    Dodge says:

    OMG! I love sauerkraut. What a great idea. I lived in Germany for 3 years and learned to enjoy the stuff, but no one makes it better than my bud’s papa in Michigan, thickened with barley and fermented with salted hamhocks. Food for the gods… well, German ones anyway. But no semmelknodel? With a juicy roast bird and sauerkraut? I may have to report this…

  37. 37
    Vlad says:

    I’ll give the story credit for one thing: It reminded me of the amusing flap over subliminal “RATS” in Bush’s ads during his campaign against Gore.

  38. 38
    Dave Ruddell says:

    Don’t know how many people you’re having for dinner, but if you need a second main, you can’t go wrong with The HoneyBaked Ham. Spiral cut and sweet like candy. I do miss those come Thanksgiving, even if you do insist on having it 6 weeks late.

  39. 39
    Tim F. says:

    Calling anything the ‘dumbest story to consume the blogosphere’ is a brave move.

  40. 40
    SeesThroughIt says:

    you can’t go wrong with The HoneyBaked Ham.

    Boy, howdy! Those things are so delicious. My mom actually gave me one for my birthday one year–I was unbelievably excited.

  41. 41
    BIRDZILLA says:

    Showing a picture of WOLF BLITZER with a dunce cap on his head and the funny glaases with the little mosquse and nose and big buck teeth

  42. 42
    Krista says:

    Oh, and asparagus is a delicious Thanksgiving treat

    Why just Thanksgiving? I had it this morning for breakfast with my eggs.

    Mary – not another evil Canuck! I thought I had the market cornered. Your green bean recipe sounds yummy!

    Sweet potato casserole must be consumed, fo’ sho’. Happy Thanksgiving, you guys…I’m in full Christmas mode right now, though. Thanksgiving is just a fond memory. Although, my honey’s boss IS giving him a 17-lb. free-range turkey as a Christmas gift, so all of these suggestions will still come in handy when we have that bird on Christmas day.

    Turkey (yes, I will soak it in salt water)
    Stuffing
    Sauerkraut
    Green Beans
    Creamed Onions
    Mashed Potatoes
    Cranberries
    Gravy, Gravy, Gravy

    You forgot two extremely important things: Pepto and Bismol.

  43. 43
    Mr.Ortiz says:

    Let the lying excuses begin. Faux News!!

    Okay Darrell, you win. The producers at CNN answer the public phone lines, the X was there on purpose because CNN wants Dick Cheney dead, and I, as a liberal, believe that subliminal orders to murder public officials is an appropriate use of free speech. You totally caught us in the act, no talking our way out of this one, all the Democrats in Washington might as well pack up their things now. It’s over. You win.

  44. 44
    Fledermaus says:

    Sauerkraut

    That’s ‘Liberty Cabbage’ you traitorous dog. Why does John Cole hate America?

  45. 45
    Steve S says:

    Calling anything the ‘dumbest story to consume the blogosphere’ is a brave move.

    At least he didn’t say ‘dumbest story ever’, I mean because that would include the future. And as long as Tawana Goldstein is blogging, we are guaranteed plenty of dumb stories.

  46. 46
    bg says:

    Since it’s just the wife and me and we’re tired of making a feast for 2, we’ll be buying our dinners from a local hotel (yes, I know, blasphemous). But the chef there, who’s a friend of hours, says submerging the turkey in buttermilk is even better than brining it. I’ve brined before, and definitely recommend it, but if his buttermilk works out better, I’ll let you guys know.

    PS: Riesling is good, but pinot is better.

  47. 47

    Wow. It was on for a SEVENTH OF A SECOND. And is apparently the standard X used to cue graphics, which, if not true, is at least verifiable.

    Every time I think the right can’t get crazier…

  48. 48
    Jcricket says:

    And is apparently the standard X used to cue graphics, which, if not true, is at least verifiable.

    More than you can say for anything out of Drudge’s mouth/site.

Comments are closed.