I have not heard the

I have not heard the official numbers lately, but I am willing to bet that the unemployment rate is going up.

Why am I betting that? Because I have a sure-fire barometer for the unemployment rate. When it is below 5%, every one at McDonald’s looks like they are drooling, going to drool, or have drooled onto my food. When it is over 5%, the workers are under 21, have acne, and speak marginal english- but they are not droolers. Over 6%, and they are 35 and have a liberal arts degree (usually history or theater).

At any rate, tonight I had a pimply faced 21 year old, so I am betting unemployment is near 5.6%. Just a guess, though.

What do you mean Olympic

What do you mean Olympic figure skating might be fixed?

The Best Office Memo Ever

The Best Office Memo Ever

This memo was in my box when I came to work today:


To: Department Rumor Mill


Since it took less than 24 hours to foment a great deal of gossipyes, indeed the rumors are true. My wife and I are divorcing. If youd like to receive all the gory details so that they may become the topic of happy hour and late night discussion, please place specific requests in my mailbox and Ill try to respond as quickly as possible.

Have a nice day!

One way to deal with an issue head-on and to stop all the silly gossip.

This is just absurd Bush

This is just absurd

Bush administration officials have told key lawmakers not to expect a U.S. attack on Iraq before the fall elections, allowing time for Congress to debate the possibility of war.

The assurances square with Pentagon estimates that it would take until early next year to have the weapons, intelligence and forces in place to take on Iraq’s 375,000-man army. One key factor: U.S. soldiers can’t fight in Iraq’s summer or autumn heat wearing protective gear against chemical or biological weapons attack.

Hogwash. Bullshit. Balderdash. Nonsense.

I was in the Kuwait desert during the summer. It was miserable hot and we had to take precautions. Yes, I watched my buddies urinate to make sure their urine was not a thick yellow, and if it was, I sat them down and made them drink water. Yes, I had to wear leather gloves every time I touched a tool because otherwise I would burn the hell out of my hands (the sun is that hot). Yes, I had to wear long sleeves and a floppy jungle hat to keep from getting roasted. Yes, I had diarrhea from bad water for a month. Yes, it was 140 degrees inside an M1A1, and at points I thought I was going to dry up and blow away. Yes, I was cold at night when the temperature dropped to 90 (imagine the temperature dropping from 70 to 20- the same difference from 140 to 90).

All those things were true. But anyone who suggests that I would have been incapable of doing my job when ordered to, even with the extra burden of an NBC suit and protective mask, is a moron and a liar and seriously underestimates the training and spirit of the armed forces.

This article is as insulting as it is stupid.

The new Playboy has the

The new Playboy has the NFL Preview, and the Steelers have been picked to win the Superbowl.

Here we Go Steelers, Here We Go!

And yes, I do read the articles.

Just to remind you, yesterday

Just to remind you, yesterday Senator Robert Toricelli was ‘admonished’ after a lengthy investigation by the Senate Ethics committee. The NY Times editorial page says nothing about it. They even find time to write about Pilot Whales.

George Bush is cleared in an SEC investigation 10+ years ago. The NY Times editorial board calls for an independent prosecutor to review the matter.

Andrea Harris at Spleenville World

Andrea Harris at Spleenville World Domination Headquarters has some great suggestions for dealing with a special group of cowards, musicians and other artists who are backing out of going to Israel to perform.

Right on Andrea.