It’s like a window into their mind.
Conservapedia statistics
There are 45,009 total pages in the database. This includes “talk” pages, pages about Conservapedia, minimal “stub” pages, redirects, and others that probably don’t qualify as content pages. Excluding those, there are 19,565 pages that are probably legitimate content pages.
[…]
Most viewed pages
1. Main Page [1,903,172] 2. Homosexuality [1,546,382] 3. Homosexuality and Hepatitis [516,829] 4. Homosexuality and Promiscuity [420,275] 5. Homosexuality and Parasites [387,896] 6. Homosexuality and Domestic Violence [353,244] 7. Gay Bowel Syndrome [345,089] 8. Homosexuality and Gonorrhea [331,173] 9. Homosexuality and Mental Health [278,796] 10. Homosexuality and Syphilis [265,128]
Egads. We’re all Jennifer Lopez now.
***Update***
Let’s unpack this a bit more. If those statistics are right, the page on homosexuality has been viewed 82% as often as the conservapedia home page. Maybe repeated editing amplifies the view count of particularly popular pages, but that still strikes me as just short of insane.
Regadless of whether 81% of conservapedia visitors want to hear bad things about teh ghey or some more rational number like, say, 50%, stuff like this makes it pretty hard to take seriously the tear-stained accusations of intolerance whenever a prominent conservative figure turns out to be a gay whore, a gay porn star or a public restroom perv.
4tehlulz
Words fail me.
scarshapedstar
Does anyone else have the sudden urge to watch “Trapped in the Closet”?
scarshapedstar
Also, anyone want to start a pool on how long we have until they “fix their statistics page due to moonbat hackers”? They’re gonna replace all those gay pages with something good and manly and hetero, like pro wrestling…
gypsy howell
Ummmm….. “Homosexuality and parasites?”
So what exactly does that entry consist of — a whole list of republican congressmen and religious right leaders?
Frankly, I’m afraid to go look.
jcricket
It’s impossible to come even close to the success of Wikipedia is you operate with the same “spirit” that RedState does (let’s ban everyone who doesn’t agree with our increasingly narrow set of views). They really do fail to understand Wikipedia is neutral (for the most part). And while it may not be as scholarly as it should, it offers a reasonably accurate summary on most issues (not a liberal or conservative slant).
Plus, conservative encyclopedia is to real encyclopedia as conservative news outlets are to real news. That is, the conservative versions are just PR for the party and require massive subsidies from rich patrons to even exist.
These fundamental flaws (failure to grok core purpose, subsidies) is also what dooms their efforts to replicate media successes like the Daily Show.
It must be strange to be a modern-day conservative. So misunderstanding of how the world works that they’re doomed to forever rail against the wind/time/reality in a futile attempt to get the world to bend to their wishes. The whole “we’re the actors, we make history, you just study it” line of thinking is what’s at fault for this.
Zifnab
My god, regular wiki has 16 section blocks on homosexuality. Conservapedia has 35! With such enlightened topics as “Homosexuality and Creationism and the Theory of Evolution”, “Hamilton Square Baptist Church Riot”, and “Peter LaBarbera States Log Cabin Republican’s Purge Mark Foley Picture from Their Website”.
It… it hurts my brain. Or maybe that’s just all the foot tapping.
Andrew
I guess Michael D. is a good fit for the Republican party.
jcricket
And, as Tim point out, this obsession with homosexuality (along with the immigrant bashing) is going to doom the Republican party.
Republicans are going to lose the Latino vote forever, like they lost the black vote with the embrace of the southern strategy.
And railing against homosexuality with such force (especially while continuing to have gay sex scandals from closeted members) is going to alienate the moderates and anyone under the age of 30 (who support gays, gay marriage, equal rights for gays, etc. with extremely high percentages).
Bombadil
And that, children, is why they invented drapes.
Wilfred
Homosexuality and Curtain Design
Jen
I’m a lawyer, which means I’m bad at math and had to find some less useful way to be a drain on society. But I’m calculating that the “homosexuality” page view is 81% of the “main page” page view. Even if a whole lot of people have the homosexuality page bookmarked so they can head right to it and see what the important updates in homosexuality are, isn’t that an awfully high percentage of folks? I mean, just statistically speaking could we say that around three-quarters of the people checking out conservapedia are just there for the gay sex?
Tim F.
Now add all of the anti-ghey pages together.
Jen
Are y’all stealing my statistical analyses or are we coming up with this stuff at the same time?
Tim F.
We came up with it at about the same time. What really surprises me is that Kevin Drum didn’t get there first.
Jen
Wow! If you add all the gay pages together, 215% of the folks going to conservapedia are just there for the gay sex!
Tim F.
See what I mean? It’s ludicrous.
Dave
John, clearly they are looking for facts about their closeted homosexuality so they know how to deal with issues such as Gay Bowel Syndrome (from here on in, GBS) in a community forum.
I can hear their thought process now: “While I am not gay, I have been having lots of anal sex with lots of men, and for some reason I find myself pooping a lot more freely than usual. Thus, I shall describe GBS to Conservapedia so others know what to do when this happens to them. Better yet, I’ll denounce anybody else who is gay, saying GBS is God’s punishment for being gay. In this way, I can make up for my closeted homosexual behavior and sit in the corner and cry myself to sleep out of self-hatred, resting easy in a bed full of gay porn stars and crystal meth.”
Or something like that.
Zifnab
I pray to whatever diety divinely inspired Conservapedia that this is yet another one of the notorious conserva-pranks played on the site – on par with the Tree Octopus and that bit about Washington being the only figure other than Jesus to give up earthly power.
I just refuse to believe that the site is even that popular. I mean, 45k pages. Surely someone has looked at one of those pages more than once.
Although, when you compare their page on “teh ghey” to their page on, say, “trees” or “bagels“, I can understand why what appears to be the only page with any content is the one receiving all the hits.
Punchy
I’m no medical doctor, although I play one on this blog, but really…WTF is this?
Towel Syndrome? Perhaps…locker rooms suck and all
Bowl Syndrome? Sugar Smacks floating on top and falling out?
Gray Bowel Syndrome–too constipated?
Someone named Gary Bowel have some new disease?
Is this shit correct?
Jackmormon
(from here on in, GBS)
George Bush senior?
Jen
This is from their “bagels” entry:
Since that time, the definition of bagel has liberalized significantly.
“Liberalized” is hyperlinked to liberal.
Truly, they are at the heart of a conspiracy. We will rest at nothing short of all three branches of government, complete control of the media, plus an expansive definition of a bagel.
Alan
I used to identify myself as conservative. But it seems, under the tutelage of pundits like Rush Limbaugh and Bill Bennett, that identity has been snatched away by the Religious Right. Now, I no longer have a political identity. Neither do I have a Political Party to identify with. It’s pretty frustrating.
Punchy
From Zif’s link on trees…they couldn’t just leave the hell alone with the first sentence. Look what they felt they had to add:
Which is followed by this what-the-hell? statement:
Uh….what?
Garrigus Carraig
Blrrghm. Will someone please float a different explanation before my head explodes? E.g., couldn’t some meanspirited moonbat have written a script to ‘stuff the ballot’, as it were?
Humor me.
Jake
Egads, wtf people? I could pledge to give Fuckus on the Family a $100 bucks for each gay person who is half as obsessed with teh strayt and never have to touch my bank account.
I know, it shouldn’t shock me, it’s just one of those things I try not to think about because it is creeptastic.
However, this list must be incomplete. I don’t see Homosexuality and Child Molestation or Homosexuality and Bestiality.
Or did the pervs at Constipadia think that was redundant? Gah.
Here’s my theory/hope. Phyllis Schlafly’s other son & friends keep running up the hits on those pages so anyone who checks the stats will do pretty much what Tim F. just did.
Z
You know, while places like dictionary.com might define homophobia as just fear and/or loathing toward gay people, my friends and I always defined it as the fear of homosexual feelings within the self. As in, people hate gays because they are freaked out by their own gay tendencies. Now I expected some conservatives to be truly homophobic and others to just be simply prejudiced, whether it is because they are religious zealots or because they are rigid about how society should be structured. I am honestly shocked that there is THIS MUCH true homophobia out there. Wow.
Face
Considering that you’re railing against GBS, this becomes funnier.
demimondian
Yeah — all the trees in my yard grow downwards from a root, are periodically rebalanced, and take log(n) time to search for a given leaf. They’re not typically sorted, though.
Zifnab
That’s not even the worst of it. Did you actually check out the conservapedia page on the word “liberal“?
So freak’n hilarious. No bias here kids.
Jake
Ego-dystonic homophobia.
RSA
Steve Benen is on the case at the Carpetbagger. But has anyone considered the possibility that these pages are positive articles about homosexuality? . . .Oh, why do I even bother. This kind of stuff is basically impossible to spoof.
Jen
Well, as someone who is nominally employed, there is only so much crazy I can fit into a day, and I had a feeling linking to liberal might land me in a whole new world o crazy. Will try to fit it in later. :)
4tehlulz
I’m convinced that 90% of its traffic can be traced to liberal blogs, Something Awful, or 4chan.
Dreggas
I always thought the same thing, and have real world proof to back it up. One of my friends in High School was always making gay-bashing jokes and calling people a fag and stuff like that. Once he got out of the town we lived in he came out of the closet. It’s been my experience that the ones who are the the most anti-gay tend to be gay.
TenguPhule
OT, but a way to raise your blood pressure (not in a good way)
And on a lighter note:
Statistics are liberal and gay.
This has been another edition of insights into the Wingnut mind.
Punchy
Even more unreal. From that Conservawhatever “liberal” link….under “Liberal Organizations”, they put this:
Yes, that gay-hating, funeral-protesting bunch of fucks from Topeka, KS. Liberal organization. Uh huh.
wasabi gasp
World History Lecture One
Evolution
jrg
And the lord said “let there be preorder traversal”, and there was preorder traversal, and Barney Rubble saw that it was good.
wasabi gasp
Darwin had a book to sell.
Teak111
The “Trustworthy Encyclopedia.” Wow.
Punchy
Wow, all that fascination about sex and teh gay, and yet not a single entry for “gonads”, “pubes”, “cleveland steamer”, “rusty trombone”, or “dirty sanchez”. They have their work cut out for them.
Jake
Don’t forget to do your homework!
Christ, Andy Schlafly is unhinged.
D-Chance.
I actually had to Google a couple of those… and now that I know what they are, I’m not ashamed to admit that I didn’t before now.
Call it my ‘bukkake’ moment.
David
In their…ugh…defense, I rarely see the Wikipedia homepage anymore despite using the site multiple times per day. It’s easier to just type the topic I’m looking for into the URL, and looking at those links to Conservapdeia, it’s even friendlier for that sort of navigation.
Also, Andy Schlafly is a fucking moron. Okay, I don’t feel quite as dirty now.
jcricket
The more I think about it, the more I like Conservapedia. If Republicans are determined to go down as “wrong” on every issue, at least they’re doing us the favor of conveniently ocumenting their idiocy for the historians.
I saw, embrace the gay hating, immigrant bashing, evolution denying race-baiting rhetoric. Encourage Republicans to “come out of the closet” and stop using code words like “state’s rights”. Let’s just be honest about this stuff.
RSA
I’m glad they have real experts writing Conservapedia entries. (That “definition” applies only to undirected graphs; for directed graphs, trees are a specialized case of directed acyclic graphs, or DAGs.)
Z
Michael D & Dreggas,
I’ve just been in touch with my superiors at the Homosexual World Domination HQ, and they said this was all part of the plan. Basically, the first step to convert conservatives is to get them completely obsessed with homosexuality. Then they start cruising parks or public restrooms, next they progress to male prostitutes and meth, finally they become foot soldiers in the Gay Agenda (TM).
OxyCon
The best way to discredit your entire ideological movement is to create a Wiki page with your own bizarre interpretations of reality.
Heckuva job right wing clownies!
Alan
wasabi gasp,
That link about evolution is hilarious. Another reason I don’t identify as conservative anymore. The Social Cons and religious zealots of the right are painting themselves into the corner of irrelevance.
Fwiffo
Actually, Gay Bowel Syndrome is a real thing, though straight people can get it (if they’ve been having anal sex). I don’t know if that’s the politically correct term anymore.
Oddly enough, I heard about it for the first time yesterday reading this Straight Dope article.
Bombadil
I’m laughing here — just clicked on jake’s link and got a popup stating “Conservapedia has a problem”.
No shit.
Jake
GBS flaring up again?
A little researching geeking reveals that GBS is sort of the gay male equivalent of “hysteria” which plagued female patients of doctors too lazy to figure out what was really wrong with them.
jcricket
Ah, the Straight Dope. Cecil Adams was like Wikipedia before it existed, in a way. I miss those innocent days of my youth thinking that a weekly columnists book could teach me a lot :-)
HWDs are a bunch of cheese-loving surrender monkeys. We here at HOTTIE HQ(1) are much more commited to advancing the gay agenda than you are.
(1) Homosexuals Openly Trying To Incite Erections
Andrew
Good dags. D’ya like dags?
Dags?
What?
Yeah, dags.
Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags.
28 Percent
The gauntlet has been thrown…
Jake
Check.
Check.
Check. (Reminder: Send bonus to members of the 101st Fighting Hookers.)
That’s why Craig was tapping his feet. He was trying to remember “Is it left, right, left, or right, left, right..? Oh, I’ll ask the guy in the stall next to me.”
RSA
Well, you’ve been at this for what, years now, 28 Percent? Let’s see it!
John Rohan
I think you guys should consider the possibility that a lot of those page views are homosexuals or gay activists who want to check out what conservatives are saying about them.
Just throwing that one out there.
Ned Raggett
I was just rereading some of the old books the other day. Still funny as hell.
28 Percent
This stuff takes time. Time and a certain willingness to open oneself to bizarre, stream of consciousness connections of thought in pursuit of a pre-determined outcome.
Also, my boss is hovering today. I’m working on it…
Zifnab
Is this going to go down like that bitter feud between the Jewdain People’s Front and the People’s Popular Front of Jewdaia?
Jen
Bloody PFJ.
Jake
‘Cos you couldn’t find out by checking a non-insane website or two, reading the news, watching GOP campaign speeches…
However, if Andy S. thinks the place is frequented by the GIA, maybe he’ll suffer sudden cranial expansion brought on by an overpowering burst of Cog.Dis.
jcricket
Heretic!
Speaking of conservative views on Homosexuality
I like the keywords at the bottom
Steroids and baseball – known weapons in the gay agenda, along with nobel prizes, smarts ™ and money.
jcricket
Yes… Wonder if he’ll ever unmask himself.
I have fond memories of people like Cecil Adams & Joe Bob Briggs. You just don’t get quality snark like that anymore.
Tim F.
Look, nobody here doubts that conservapedia is the hydrogen bomb of unselfaware culture kitsch, and gay people love that stuff. But if that’s what is driving the traffic to conservapedia then it seems safe to say that pretty much nobody goes there for anything else.
Jake
In other words, Conservapedia is like a public bathroom.
theRisingJurist
It really shouldn’t be called “Conservapedia.” Something like “Religiousrightapedia” or “Fundipedia” would be more apt.
Dreggas
Or he was playing Taps….
28 Percent
This is just a case of typical LIBERAL HYPOCRISY Liberals are supposed to have an “open mind” but you criticize research on homosexuality. So there is only one “right answer” for you but you criticize people who actually INVESTIGATE THE TRUTH and GET ALL SIDES before makeing up they’re minds.
I would explain it more but you are so LIMITED you wouldn not understand besides I must drive my SUV (ha Liberals I say that because I know it upsets you to see anyone else makeing they’re own choices!) to celebrate the AMERICAN CHRISTIAN holiday Thanksgiving. I will be THANKING GOD that we are really winning in Iraq. I am not going to ask what you will be thanking your flying spaghetti monsters for heh.
Jen
Well, it would upset me if my first grader wrote “makeing they’re own choices” twice…
I am kind of new on this site. Is 28 Percent a real troll or a parody of one? Seriously, I can’t tell.
HyperIon
wow, those conservipeds are smart:
Dreggas
I believe the consensus is spoof, but he’s realllll good at it.
Jen
I was thinking spoof, because of the 28 Percent name. I was thinking a real troll would use 11 Percent (Congressional approval).
If it is spoof, he *is* good.
Cyrus
Yeah, I noticed it too. And from there, I found the entry on its founder, which was even funnier. The beginning:
Read the whole thing. It was funny, and almost a relief. I wrote a kind of irate e-mail to Andrew Sullivan earlier today about his tendency to call everything conservative good and everything good conservative, set off by a post where he called Bush a liberal. Seeing that tendency taken to its logical conclusion (well, “logical” doesn’t fit, but you know what I mean) at Conservapedia is a breath of fresh air.
I’ll give you a hint: check his comments at 1:20 and 1:32.
Are there any real Republicans around here any more? Michael D. says he’s a Republican, but I mean the guys like TallDave or Stormy or scs, or OCSteve if he still considers himself Republican. John Rohan, maybe?
Ted
When Conservapedia was first setup and was discovered by the lefty blogs, you could barely load the site for days. Schlafly didn’t by anywhere near enough bandwidth for the onslaught of people coming to laugh at the site.
If you’re getting errors trying to reach it now, that’s probably the reason.
Win Gnutistan
What the fuck does that even mean?
However, I like the tension it must create for the budding consternpediophile.
If Liberal = Icky and Liberal = Anti-homosexual, then Anti-homosexual = Icky.
Of course, I still like to think Michael S. edits the thing when his bro. isn’t looking.
Now, could someone please tell me what exactly is a Behavior Activist?
theRisingJurist
I think that’s supposed to be one big concept: anti-homosexual behavior activist. As in, he is an activist who opposes homosexual behavior.
Maybe they should flesh out their entry on syntax.
PaminBB
Excellent work, 28 Percent at 2:21! But only ONE exclamation mark and NO Clinton references?!?!!!
Larv
That “Tree” entry is easily the funniest thing I’ve read all day, the more so because it’s unintentional.
That’s it. Not a poor opening sentence, but the full “technical” definition of a tree (followed by 5 sentences on trees in the Bible). That’s a truly comical lack of effort. The Trustworthy Encyclopedia can indeed be trusted to not do anything but tell you what you already know.
Chad N. Freude
That should be
Which ties in nicely with … OK, I really don’t have to say it.
Jess
I assume you’ve all seen this entry at Encyclopedia Dramatica–if not, check it out. Hilarious!
BTW, what is that bizarre J-Lo clip from?
jcricket
It’s all part of the leftist conspiracy to ruin conservatism. Drive up traffic to their sites, convincing them that they’re more popular than they are, so that the conservatives invest more money into the venture.
Then pull all the traffic and they go bankrupt.
It’s the perfect crime, really.
Jess
Hmmmm…I wonder if that would work?
theRisingJurist
That would be from The Cell (2000), in which JLo plays a psychotherapist literally exploring the mind of a serial killer, played by Vincent D’Onofrio. JLo’s serious-acting-means-whispering aside, it’s a great movie.