18
Jul
Another John In the Senate
Via the Political Wire, I see that Larry Flynt may have the goods on another Senator:
KING: Will we be—I don’t want to get into names yet. Will we be shocked?FLYNT: Yes.
KING: Were you shocked?
FLYNT: I was shocked, especially at one senator but…
KING: One senator especially?
FLYNT: Yes.
I hate that these stories make me feel like a petty, small man, but I relish them with almost unrestrained glee every time I come across them. I don’t like people outing people, I don’t like people having their private lives used against them- even if they are hypocrites.
I guess there is a simple solution, though- If you are an elected offical, stop fucking prostitutes while pushing idiotic morality laws and advocating jail time for the rest of us for the same behavior.
Davebo
Or how about elected officials, of all stripes, just stop fucking prostitutes??
I mean, sure Vitter was a hypocrit, but isn’t any politician who pays to sleep with prostitutes, yet doesn’t oppose criminalization of prostitution.
Rex
So get over it. I forgive you, John. You are not a petty small man.
capelza
Well I am a woman, I embrace my small petty nature (just kidding). If some Congresscritter wants to have sex in a diaper while slathering horse vomit all over himself, singing “the Final Countdown” as he does it with a male goat, that’s fine (freaky, creepy, but it doesn’t hurt anyone, except maybe the goat).
It’s when he wants to outlaw the same, campaigns on the evils of Europe (the band) and said kinky activities, not to mention normal people who just happen to want to marry someone of the same sex…then call me petty, because I enjoy it tremendously. And I especially love it when the wife, who critcised Hillary for staying with Bill stands next to her own husband with that prune face. That was priceless…
ThymeZone
Revised.
RSA
I agree that this is nothing more than entertaining Schadenfreude, but of course there’s little that’s more entertaining than Schadenfreude.
Someone is probably going to be outed, and that person will probably make some pro-forma apologies to his wife, his constituency, and God. With all this pre-announcement publicity, I hope it becomes clear that apologizing for something after you’ve been caught doesn’t show much in the way of moral character; as with Vitter (and most of the other Republican criminals, for that matter), it’s impossible to distinguish his “I’m sorry” from “I’m sorry I was caught.”
Jake
Yep. So fuck ‘em (only not really because I’ve got standards). I don’t feel petty or small at all, especially since these cretins are so willing to use other people’s private lives to make them feel not just small, but not human.
Zifnab
Yeah, call me crazy, but isn’t prostitution still illegal in this country? At what point does the law-and-order crowd (you know, the guys scream “Giving Amnesty means not fighting crime
one!” over immigration) need to start running on the same standards as the rest of us plebs?
Is there a card or a license plate or something they give you when you become a Senator that lets you bang high-paid 20-year-old wannabe models on your taxpayer-funded desk and not get in trouble? It’s like watching Snoop Dog get busted for smoking pot the billionth time. Either throw the bastards in jail or legalize it. Because otherwise this is just stupid.
The Other Steve
You know… Looking back on the Illinois Senate race of 2004. Jack Ryan wasn’t so bad.
Sure, he was a creep and kept trying to push his wife into having public sex.
But he didn’t cheat on her with a prostitute while wearing a diaper.
Wilfred
Is it petty to hope that it’s some especially self-righteous prick like Lieberman?
And who says it has to be a man? Maybe one of the women Senators has been fooling around.
Shinobi
All these scandals due is highlight the prudery that is so endemic in american culture.
If people weren’t so afraid to aknowledge sexuality, vanilla as well as more kinky stuff this wouldn’t be nearly the scandal that it is. The guy who gets my vote will be the guy who stands up and says
“Yeah, I did pay prostitutes to nail me in the ass, and you know what, I was wrong for saying that this is a bad thing. This is what I enjoy, and as long as it is between two consenting adults, even if money changes hands, I think it should be legal and not a matter for shame. There is no shame in loving sex, nor is there shame in making money. Therefore I am putting forth a bill to legalize prostitution”
I’m hate appologies. They knew it was illegal, they did it anyway, and I think the only thing they are sorry about is that they got caught. They should at least be man or woman enough to acknowledge what they did and take steps to fix the culture that makes having a sexual appetite a crime.
Zifnab
That would be just absolutely too much Schadenfreude for me. If Kay Bailey Hutchensen came out as a prostitute-o-holic, I would just keel over dead in amazement.
Billy K
What is that mem the GOP keeps trumpeting, re: immigration?? Oh yes, “Rule of law!”
snorkel
I must have missed something. Can someone please fill me in on what this diaper thing is all about?
VidaLoca
If it’s Hillary will it prove that the universe is a balanced and rational place?
Dreggas
I concur with what everyone else here said. Of course I am a kinky depraved and hedonistic individual.
Jake
Only if the pro looked like Lewinski.
chopper
you are so not a republican anymore, john.
semper fubar
I know he’s not a senator, but I hope John Roberts name is on the list too – just so I can watch his circa-1957-model Stepford wifey and children up on stage defending him.
Dreggas
Wait…what if it was Santorum? Now wouldn’t that take the cake.
Dreggas
growl growl PANT SUIT growl growl
IanY77
semper fubar
I know he’s not a senator, but I hope John Roberts name is on the list too – just so I can watch his circa-1957-model Stepford wifey and children up on stage defending him.
And watch his little brat dance away in a pastel satin suit as John apologizes.
Bill Arnold
I wonder how many Democrats he’ll name.
capelza
Wait…what if it was Santorum? Now wouldn’t that take the cake.
Especially if it was “man on dog”.
Zifnab
If its Hillary Clinton, then I will personally high-five Jesus Christ the first time I see him.
Zifnab
Especially if it was “man on dog”.
I’m still holding out for “man on box turtle”
Formerly Wu
It would certainly give the phrase “Clinton did it too” a whole raft of new meanings.
Jake
It would. Possibly a dog shaped cake. But I’d be afraid Dan Savage would die laughing.
My money is on Brownback, dressing like a priest with a pro dressed like the Virgin Mary. Or with a pro dressed like a priest and Brownback dressed like…OK, making myself ill.
Dreggas
I’m still holding out for “man on box turtle”
I would feel bad for the turtle, then again what if he requested a Santorum?
Dreggas
I wonder how many Democrats he’ll name.
He’s vowed to name them all. It’s just more fun when it’s a hypocritical, lying sack of shit republican.
Neo
Meanwhile in Las Vegas ..
“These are not your average girls. Some of them have worked with Bill Clinton”
Zifnab
Quip of the Day!
Dreggas
Meanwhile in Las Vegas ..
“These are not your average girls. Some of them have worked with Bill Clinton”
I’m shocked, no really. I mean here you have a woman name dropping in order to pimp her ho’s. No telephone records or proof, just name dropping. Of course It has the words “prostitute” and “Clinton” in it so it must be true. Even if it is I don’t recall Clinton getting up and telling anyone who enjoyed sex, or even paid for sex they were immoral nor promising to legislate against said people.
In other words, go have a nice big cup of shut the fuck up.
RSA
Admit it, you evil man—you just want to make his daughter cry on national TV.
Dreggas
Heh, nah, Daddy gives that girl so many reasons to cry I doubt I could do better, just glad I won’t be paying the therapy bills.
UnkyT
I am so rooting for it to be Sen. Byrd. He can replace Bob Dole as the face of Viagra.
ConservativelyLiberal
....If some Congresscritter wants to have sex in a diaper while slathering horse vomit all over himself, singing “the Final Countdown” as he does it with a male goat, that’s fine (freaky, creepy, but it doesn’t hurt anyone, except maybe the goat).
The mental image alone had me laughing my ass off…
Time to pop some more popcorn, looks like another dog and pony show will be coming up. Anyone want to place bets if it is a Dem or a Repub?
My money would be on the Repub.
“Its the fi-nal countdown…”
ROFLMAO!
Dreggas
I am so rooting for it to be Sen. Byrd. He can replace Bob Dole as the face of Viagra.
for that matter it coulda been Liddy…
Rex
It’s going to be Cheney. And it will be delicious.
UnkyT
Opposite of viagra.
Dreggas
for that matter it coulda been Liddy…
Opposite of viagra.
Liddy: Bob, let me explain, you have ED and the viagra just isn’t working anymore and well, they have these wonderful new inventions called “strap ons” and….
UnkyT
Bob: Strap-ons huh? Well Liddy, I’m as open minded as the next guy, you get strapped on and I’ll grab the lube
Dreggas
Bob: Strap-ons huh? Well Liddy, I’m as open minded as the next guy, you get strapped on and I’ll grab the lube
and we’ll have ourselves a Santorum!
tBone
I’m with you on everything you else you said, but any politician who pushes to outlaw Europe(theband) will have my support. That synthesizer riff in “The Final Countdown” is a crime against humanity.
BFR
I hate that these stories make me feel like a petty, small man, but I relish them with almost unrestrained glee every time I come across them.I hate that these stories make me feel like a petty, small man, but I relish them with almost unrestrained glee every time I come across them.
Reminds me of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy:
“It takes a big man to cry…but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.”
Jim DeMint
But, but, but…Washington DC can be such a LONELY place.
ConservativelyLiberal
But, but, but…Washington DC can be such a LONELY place...I need some butt, butt, butt.Fixed… ;)
Cain
capelza,
You have one uh..vivid imagination. Horse vomit? Really, it should be seal guts and moose piss. Ooooh yeah.
30 names.. I hope they are all republican. Really, I’d like to see Laura Bush on that list with a black stripper. That would blow some serious minds.
All I want to see is the 26% demoralized, and watch as 30 of their favorite people get into some serious sex scandals. George should set a record of the lowest approval ratings in history… maximum carnage baby.
cain
Perry Como
I would encourage anyone married to Jeri Ryan to ask her expose herself in public as often as possible.
capelza
Cain..I had to think quick of pervy things.
I in no way endorse horse vomit.
I’m more of a dancing the Salsa on my king sized bed kinda girl. Now if any bastard wants to outlaw that then I’ll go all Gong Li on them, only not as hot.
The Other Steve
Come on, you know it’s your fantasy!
Tsulagi
I think even Jesus would say Amen to that.
Krista
Yikes. You are one imaginative chickadee. Note to self: if invited to party at Capelza’s house, bring hand sanitizer. :)
AkaDad
It would make my year if Lieberman was into snortin’ meth off a gay hooker’s ass…
Rome Again
Yeah, what he said!
jake
Sorry, here’s how that one goes.
Republican Sinator: I have sinned!
26%: No way dude!
Republican Sinator: But I apologized to God and He was all like, ‘Yea verily, it is cool, just don’t do it again.’
25%: Wow! God actually spoke to you?
RS: Yes, He did. He said hi by the way.
24%: Ooooh!
RS: So I feel much better now that I’ve experienced the divine forgiveness of the almighty and am ready to carry out God’s work.
23%: What is that?
RS: Smite the brown people and hom’sexuals!
28%: Yah! Yeehaaaaa! Tell it brother!
Democrat: Hey wait a minute, this guy was into marathon orgies with women dressed up like squirrels and men dressed like raccoons! He used your tax dollars to buy tankers full of KY. He –
29%: Mind your business, dirt bag! Anyways, God said it was cool!
ConservativelyLiberal
...
2839%: Yah! Yeehaaaaa! Tell it brother!Fixed…
Note: Jake may be clairaudient. He seems to be able to listen to the dead. These politicians have to be dead to not hear the public screaming about this mess! I think he should get his own show, like John Edwards had. Instead of calling it ‘Crossing Over’, call it “Fly On The
WallDung”...scarshapedstar
Speaking of “Draconian prison terms for thee but not for me”... anyone ever notice how bills to mandate drug tests for Congressmen never make it out of committee?
Cain
Laura Bush in a black thong with heels? She does that already doesn’t she? Except she puts clothes over it. I need to reach higher. THere should be a scandal, but I should be involved and I know there’ll be Bush involved somewhere.
cain
ConservativelyLiberal
Speaking of “Draconian prison terms for thee but not for me”... anyone ever notice how bills to mandate drug tests for Congressmen never make it out of committee?
I would like to see it made a condition for their getting a paycheck. Maybe call the bill “No Pee, No Pay”. Maybe make it easy and convenient for them by building it in to a bathroom that opens a few days before the end of the month. I could see the instructions on the wall…
KEEP ‘EM HONEST PAYMASTER SYSTEMS
OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS
1: PLEASE INSERT CONGRESSIONAL IDENTIFICATION CARD IN SLOT
2: DRAIN THE CLAM OR LIZARD INTO THE APPROPRIATE RECEPTICLE
3: FLUSH THE RECEPTACLE WHEN COMPLETE
4: WASH HANDS (OPTIONAL)
5: REMOVE TEMPORARY CONGRESSIONAL IDENTIFICATION CARD FROM SLOT
6: YOU ARE DONE, PLEASE EXIT BATHROOM
NOTICE!
Have a nice day and thank you!
...
“What CongressCritter? Better chance of a cold day in Hell happening first? I thought so.”
Seems
Draconianfair enough to me. After all, if you have nothing to hide… Right? ;)Psycheout
You are a sick sad man. You’re making all of us ill with your drunken sexual fantasies. And you’re no pro.
scarshapedstar
We can’t have this information fallin’ into the hanzotheterrists.
rachel
I wonder how many Democrats he’ll name.Who cares? They’ve been portrayed as the party of immorality for so long that nothing they’d do would surprise the public. Now when one of the Pharisee party falls? That’s entertainment.
merlallen
I first hoped it was Brownback, but that loathsome toad Lieberman would be better.
Didn’t he also run on “family values”?
Jay C
You are a sick sad man. You’re making all of us ill with your drunken sexual fantasies. And you’re no pro.
Yeah, Jake, that’s sick.
Sick. And Sad.
Got any more???
The Other Steve
Brownback in diapers? You think?
greynoldsct00
Lieberman was the first one of the first ones to take a shot at Clinton over morality, so that, in addition to his current treachery would make it very sweet indeed!
greynoldsct00
But then again, Hadassah probably makes him check his package at the door on the way out, so maybe he can’t get caught with prostitutes…
Zifnab
Are you kidding? FOX News will run a week-long special on it. Especially, ESPECIALLY, if its one Dem in the middle of 29 Republicans. Because, after all, if a Dem fucks around he’s committed a sin. But if a Republican does it, well, Democrats do it too but worse!
Humorless Litmus
That’s unconscionable of you. The casual speciesism displayed on this blog is absolutely reprehensible. John, Tim, why are you not immediately standing up and condemning this sort of thing? Are you in favor of animal cruelty?
You know, most serial killers begin by torturing animals. Think about it.
Dreggas
Brownback in diapers? You think?
Well, I’m not one to gossip, but Brownback isn’t just a last name, or so I am told.
canuckistani
So don’t gossip! Deny it! With explicit details!
Dreggas
So don’t gossip! Deny it! With explicit details!
Well there is another rumor that he has the nickname “streaky”.
Andrew
Looking for excuses for your own prostitution habit?
Have you seen Dennis Kucinich’s wife? Democrats don’t need whores because women don’t hate them.
Jake
I did NOT make a schisse [sic] movie with Rick “Frothy” Santorum.
Zifnab
Dude. There is absolutely no reason that man should have that wife. It makes absolutely no fucking sense and you know it.
Slightly OT, I can understand Obama-girl. Cute, 20-something college girl making doe-eyes at a 40-year-old that still looks like this.
But… Guilaini girl? Am I the only one a bit freaked out about the woman who would go head-over heels for a cross-dressing bald geriatric NY Mayor? I mean, at least Mitt Romney gets prettied up every now and again.
Dreggas
So don’t gossip! Deny it! With explicit details!
I did NOT make a sheitze movie with Rick “Frothy” Santorum.
fixed…
If you didn’t why does he refer to you as “pudding cup”
Dreggas
But… Guilaini girl? Am I the only one a bit freaked out about the woman who would go head-over heels for a cross-dressing bald geriatric NY Mayor? I mean, at least Mitt Romney gets prettied up every now and again.
Anna Nicole Smith…
Davebo
I’m hoping for Lieberman with a muslim burka wearing pro.
Only 71 more to go…
Andrew
9/11 changed everything.
LITBMueller
OK, yeah, Santorum being a named Senator would be the most fucking hysterical thing ever, but here’s a list of possibilities based simply at looking at their picture and measuring their creepiness (you know, sorta like when you take your girlfriend to a thorobred race and she bets on a horse because she likes the jockey’s colors):
Sam Brownback: just look at that hair and creepy preacher’s smile
Lindsey Graham: he seems like he’s sexually frustrated most of the time
Jim Bunning: he’s always been an odd duck
Chuck Grassley: extra extra creepy
Joe Biden: I can see Biden biting a hooker in the back, a la Marv Albert
Orrin Hatch: the way he went after Clinton, he MUST be up to something similar
Ted Kennedy: I mean, c’mon…
Ted Stevens: creepy, corrupt, and horny!
Tsulagi
Yeah, and he’s got the $300 bills from Hidden Beauty to prove it.
Chris Johnson
Larry FLYNT is shocked? And is offering a MILLION dollars for documentation but not getting any takers?
It’s Bush. Marine-on-Bush action. No wonder the stakes are that high. Nobody wants to get killed for the sake of documenting the President’s ‘perversions’.
The funny thing is, that’s not even all that unusual- authoritarians and megalomaniacs often have a kink for getting sexually dominated, the flip side of their normal routine. But sweet mother of God would it shock most of the country. Not exactly what people were signing up for. “Now poop on me and call me a little faggot!” “That’s ‘call me a little faggot, SIR!’” “sorry, sorry- SIR!”
Dreggas
Larry FLYNT is shocked? And is offering a MILLION dollars for documentation but not getting any takers?
It’s Bush. Marine-on-Bush action. No wonder the stakes are that high. Nobody wants to get killed for the sake of documenting the President’s ‘perversions’.
The funny thing is, that’s not even all that unusual- authoritarians and megalomaniacs often have a kink for getting sexually dominated, the flip side of their normal routine. But sweet mother of God would it shock most of the country. Not exactly what people were signing up for. “Now poop on me and call me a little faggot!” “That’s ‘call me a little faggot, SIR!’” “sorry, sorry- SIR!”
Hitler was a copropheliac.
Jake
Whoa, how’d you get access to the infamous G. Bush/J. Gannon “Interview” Tapes?
Cain
copropheliac? is that even a word? Is it the same thing dick cheney suffers from?
cain
jake
Since Dreggas was kind enough to provide a spellcheck earlier: Coprophiliac.
Yes it is a real word. If Cheney is one I’d think Llyne would be the one who suffers. Actually, I don’t want to think about it at all.
Where’s the bleach?
scarshapedstar
My money’s on Inhofe as the Shockin’ Senator, for the record.
Chris
That’s not shocking, that’s par for the course. Either Inhofe’s been into hookers or offering 20 bucks for a gas station M-M blowjob.
Larry Flynt is probably shocked to find Huckleberry Lindsey Graham fucked a woman once, surrounded by his antique pewter and broadway musical collections.