A Contest
Partially inspired by Dahlia Lithwick’s “Turn Me Into A Wingnut” competition, and partially inspired by yesterday’s Frank Gaffney manufactured Lincoln quote, Balloon Juice is proud to present you with our own competition.
The rules:
Take an actual famous or well-known quote from the past, and modify it slightly so that it either attacks liberals, shows gushing support for Bush and his policies, or both. Or make up a quote that sounds plausible, yet is completely fabricated. Some examples from the comments section yesterday:
1.) “Liberals are traitors that compromise the moral integrity of our Republic and deserve to be hanged; especially Hillary Clinton.”—Thomas Paine, Age of Reason, 1795
2.) “If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be the fault of the Democrats for not supporting the troops.”—James Madison, 4th President of the United States
3.) “Those would not give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve to be shipped to Gitmo and waterboarded like the traitors they are.” – Benjamin Franklin, An Historical Review of the Constitution and Government of Pennsylvania, 1759
The winner gets a free subscription to Balloon Juice. Have fun.
*** Update ***
Here is my entry:
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. Which is why you send them to Guantanamo, waterboard them, and keep them imprisoned indefinitely. – Winston Churchill
guyermo
Give me Liberty and liberals Death!
~Henry Clay
dreggas
A free society is one where it is safe to hang liberals. – Adlai Ewing Stevenson
Whammer
Ask not what your country can do for you, ask how you can help your country string up some liberals—JFK Inaugural Address
dreggas
A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his liberals.
Edward Abbey
fbeukema
Give me liber[als and put them to] death.
-Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775
dreggas
Ask not how many liberals your country can kill for you – ask how many liberals you can kill for your country.
John F. Kennedy
Zifnab
Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people. Immigrants aren’t people.
~Abraham Lincoln
Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn’t. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let man label you as
they maya liberal.~Mark Twain
Equal rights for all, special privileges for
nonethe executive branch.~Thomas Jefferson
Richard Bottoms
This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow your head clean off. So you have to ask yourself one question. Are you a Democrat? Well are you, punk?
—Dirty Harry
dreggas
The tree of Mammon must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of liberals and homosexuals. They are its natural manure.
Thomas Jefferson
dreggas
Those who deny freedom to
othersliberals deserveit not for themselvespresidential medals of freedom.Abraham Lincoln
dreggas
I could do this all day and it would only get funnier.
dreggas
What pity is it That liberals can die, but once
to serve our country.Joseph Addison
dreggas
Where liberty dwells, there
is my countryare no liberals.Benjamin Franklin
Jake
Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for democracy by drinking from the cup of libruls and pansies – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Blue Neponset
The only thing we have to fear is
fear itself Al Quaeda.– Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Dave
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all liberals should be lynched.
-Abraham Lincoln
Wilfred
“The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be Republicans” H.L. Mencken (idiots in the original)
JWeidner
Ben Franklin
Dave
“Kill all the liberals, let my father sort ‘em out” -Jesus
matt
The only thing we have to fear is those who are liberal.
—Franklin Delano Roosevelt
JWeidner
Ben Franklin
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
We can’t all be Washingtons, but we can all be patriots and waterboard liberals. ~Charles F. Browne
Tsulagi
“Today will be a day that lives in infamy, Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the House and second in line to the presidency.”
FDR-1941
Jake
What, will these libruls never be clean? – Lady Macbeth
“But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and George Bush is the sun.” – Romeo Montague
JWeidner
Thomas Jefferson, letter to George Washington
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
There are those, I know, who will say that the liberation of humanity from the scourge of Islamofascism, the freedom of man and mind from the spectre of liberalism, is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is the American dream. ~Archibald MacLeish
Tony J
“The Liberals are coming!”
– Paul Revere – 1775
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
The cement of this union is the heart-blood of every American, and the walls of Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib. ~Thomas Jefferson
srv
All Hitler, and I only changed one word.
Surrender Monkey
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most libruls dread it.
George Bernard Shaw
dreggas
I don’t agree with what you say and will lynch your liberal ass for saying it. – Voltaire
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Ours is the only country deliberately founded on a good idea: sending liberals to Guantanamo and warrantless eavesdropping on attorney-client communications. ~John Gunther
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all!
By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall.
Line the moonbats up against the wall!
~John Dickinson
dreggas
I believe today that I am acting in the sense of the Almighty Creator. By warding off the Liberals I am fighting for the Lord’s work. [Adolph Hitler, Speech, Reichstag, 1936]
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
I left this one unchanged. These colors don’t run, unlike you moonbats.
dreggas
Secular schools can never be tolerated because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith . . . we need believing people. [Adolf Hitler, April 26, 1933, from a speech made during negotiations leading to the Nazi-Vatican Concordant of 1933]
All Hitler, no words needed to be changed…this sounds like something the right would say…and that is scary as hell.
Lee
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself, so be very afraid!
FDR
Surely this proves that it is our patriotic duty to cower in fear to a bunch of pantywaist criminals, er, terrorists, so that we the benevolent government can protect you from hearing the world Allah as you die!
cd6
“We’ve turned the corner on the colonial sectarian conflict”
-General Cornwallis, His Majesty’s British Army
Yorktown, 1781
Wilfred
“Overgrown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty…except – and this is key, crucial, gotta be said – like now, then it’s ok.” George (Bush) Washington
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Does the government fear us? Or do we fear the government? When the people fear the government, liberalism has found victory. The federal government is our protector, not our servant! -Thomas Jefferson
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
The essence of Government is power; and power, lodged as it must be in human hands, will ever be necessary to save us from Osama Bin Laden.-James Madison
dan
“A little patience, and we shall see the reign of traitorous liberals pass over, and the people, recovering their true sights, restore our country to a monarchy with Dubya as King”
-Thomas Jefferson 1798
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
One man with courage is a majority. And he is The Decider, our Commander-in-Chief George W. Bush. – Thomas Jefferson
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Our citizens may be deceived for awhile, and have been deceived; but as long as the Fox News presses can be protected, we may trust to them for light. – Thomas Jefferson
Wilfred
“When a dog bites a man, that’s not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. And if that same dog then sticks its head up its own ass, that’s Fox news.” John Bogart
Tony J
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Liberals are created Evil, that they are Cursed, by their Dark Master, with certain unAmerican traits, that among these are Shrillness, Islamofascism, and the Termination of Snowflake Babies.”
Declaration of Independence – July 4th, 1776
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope, neoconservatism, torture, G-SAVE.
Sir Winston Churchill
Pb
“Resistance to
tyrantsliberals is obedience to God.”—Thomas Jefferson“There is danger from all
menliberals. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust nomanliberal living with power to endanger the public liberty.”—John Adams“If
menliberals are to beprecluded from offeringallowed to offer their sentiments on a matter which may involve the most serious and alrming consequences that can invite the consideration of mankind, reason is of no use to us;the freedom of speechour freedoms may be taken away, and dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.”—George Washington“Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of
any otherliberals.”—John Adams“I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious liberal forces working from within.”—Douglas MacArthur
Tsulagi
“Some people in Tennessee say, um, like I think some in Texas do too, yeah I’m pretty sure of that…ah where was I?...oh yeah, Fool me once and ….(30 sec. delay for thought processing)…Shame on me….hehehe, tell me I didn’t get that right!
I know there’s a second part, hold on it’s coming to me. Um, Fool me twice…umm, er…(2 min. delay for thought processing)…I can’t be fooled again! You can only fool the Democrats twice, hehehe”
George W. Bush. 43rd president of the United States. Leader of the Free World.
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes in the excessive use of aggressive interrogation techniques in the defense of America from global Islamic extremism.
Mahatma Gandhi
calipygian
“I will break your leg and pick your pocket if you say that there is no God or many Gods. There is only one God you Liberal motherfucker and he one wrathful dude.”
Thomas Jefferson.
demimondian
“The MSM can fool some of the people some of the time, but it can
notfool the Democrats all of the time.”—Abraham LincolnJake
The general that hearkens to President Bush’s whim and acts upon it, will get a pony: let such a one be retained in command! The general that hearkens not to President Bush’s whim nor acts upon it, will be smeared by FOX News: – let such a one be dismissed! – Sun Tzu
Tony J
“Luke. I am a Liberal!”
Darth Vader
cleek
“The rank and file [liberals] are not philosophers, they are not educated to think for themselves, but simply to accept, unquestioned, whatever comes.”
Susan B Anthony. it’s her birfday
calipygian
“To announce
that there must be nocriticism of the president…is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”Teddy Roosevelt
annie's granny
“As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protections of civil government. I hope never to see America sink to the level of those leftist criminals and traitors who espouse justice and liberality.”
George Washington
demimondian
“If you are not going to use that waterboard, can I ‘borrow’ it for a short period?” —Abraham Lincoln to Genl. George McClellan
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Hate the sin, love the sinner, send the liberal homosexual Darwinist to Guantanamo.
Mahatma Gandhi
A countryman between two liberals is like a fish between two cats.
Benjamin Franklin
Evil brings liberal men together.
Aristotle, (attributed)
Jake
Freedom’s just another word for waterboarding detainees – Janis Joplin
When I’m watchin’ my TV
and that man comes on to tell me
all about democracy.
Well he can’t be a man ‘cause he doesn’t vote
for Republicans, like me – M. Jagger/ K. Richards
norbizness
I did come up with an entire extra Federalist Paper (#86, for those keeping count).
I’ve already been blessed with 2 subscriptions to Balloon Juice, so this is really just a straight site-pimp.
Tony J
“A little less Constitution
A little more torture please
All this losing elections
Ain’t satisfactioning me”
(With apologies to) Elvis
cleek
Are there any liberals in the theater tonight?
Get him up against the wall.
That one looks Jewish, and that one’s a coon!
Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?
There’s one smoking a joint!
And another with spots!
If I had my way, I’d have all of you shot!
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
In every American liberal there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.
A. E. Housman
I was born an American; I will live an American; I shall kill an American liberal.
Daniel Webster
I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities- a sense of humor and an AM radio dial tuned in to Rush Limbaugh.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Americans never quit fighting Al Qaeda over there so we don’t have to fight them over here.
General Douglas Macarthur
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then—we watched their movies and bought their MSM newspapers. -Lily Tomlin
Wilfred
“Freedom is the power to live as you will. Who then lives as he wills? George Will lives wills live as he…FREEDOM!” Marcus Tullius Cicer0
ThymeZone
Can’t I just bribe the judges?
Okay, then …
“All liberal men are created evil.”
Thomas Jefferson
“Obama Bin Laden has released a new tape.”
Wolf Blitzer
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the leftists.
Charles De Gaulle
The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it starts with Iran.
Omar Bradley (1893 – 1981), Speech to Boston Chamber of Commerce, 1948
You can’t say that civilization don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill liberals in a new way.
Will Rogers (1879 – 1935), New York Times, Dec. 23, 1929
cleek
“Beware when the great God lets loose a Liberal on this planet.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“May God have mercy upon my liberal enemies, because I won’t.”
Gen. Patton
“If the Nuremberg laws were applied, then every post-war Democratic American president would have been hanged. ”
Noam Chomsky
“All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. ”
Orwell.
oh wait, that one’s real.
Jake
A well regulated militia, being necessary to keep the liberal population under control, the right of the people who voted for George Bush to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Ha ha, just kidding!
Wilfred
“In Russia, religion is the opium of the people; in China, opium is the religion of the people. In America, the crystal meth reach around is the opiated religiosity of, of, of…FREEDOM! Edgar Snow
cleek
“There’s a gullible side to the American people. They can be easily misled. Liberalism is the best device used to mislead them.”—Michael Moore
“Liberalism is the adultery of an illicit intercourse between injustice and immorality.”—Martin Luther King Jr
“To predict the behavior of Liberals in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence.”—Nietzsche
Teak111
War and hanging liberals should be the only study of a prince. He should consider peace only as a breathing-time, which gives him leisure to contrive, and furnishes as ability to execute liberals, military plans.
Niccolo Machiavelli
dreggas
Are there any liberals in the theater tonight?
Get him up against the wall.
That one looks Jewish, and that one’s a coon!
Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?
There’s one smoking a joint!
And another with spots!
If I had my way, I’d have all of you shot!
Heil Pink Floyd!
Gotta love Pink Floyd man…just gotta love em.
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole Islamofascist world blind.
M.K. Gandhi
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all American patriots are created equal, that they are endowed by Our Lord Jesus Christ with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of liberals during designated hunting seasons.
Mike
The penalty for not participating in a democracy is that you will be ruled by
your inferiorsLiberals – PlatoJake
Can’t a few libruls sexually assault a conservative anymore without people getting all wound up about it? – A. Marcotte
Otto Man
“The only thing we have is fear itself.”—FDR
Bruce in Alta California
Associate yourself with men of good conservative quality if you esteem your own reputation for ‘tis better to be alone than in liberal company.
George Washington
ThymeZone
“Why do liberals have big noses? Because the air is free.”
Albert Einstein
ThymeZone
“God, muh, hates libruls. His holy word teaches us that every day. God hates America for being librul. We need to, mwuh, remember the lessons of Katrina.”
Pat Robertson
Punchy
Lord’s Prayer, anyone?
Our Father
Who art in heaven
Reagan be thy name
Thy nation come
wars will be done
In Iraq as it is in Afghanistan
Give Halliburton this day
their daily “bread”
And forgive us our Abu Ghraib
As we forgive those damn friggin liberals
And lead us not into diplomacy
But deliver us to Iran
Amen.
jg
‘I did not have sex with that liberal’
former president Bill Clinton
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Movie quotes:
I’m going to make liberals an offer they can’t refuse.
You know how to whistle, don’t you, moonbat? You just put your lips together and blow.
You’re gonna need a bigger detention center.
One morning I shot a liberal in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.
Keep your friends close, but your liberal enemies closer.
Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty Darwinist ape.
ThymeZone
“This is what passes for discourse among the dishonest leftists who want an echo chamber here. It’s who you are.”
Darrell
JImmy Mack
“I was for it before I was against it.”—John Kerry
“That depends on what the definition of “is” is.”—Bill Clinton
Whoops, those are real!
jg
‘Don’t look to liberals to solve your problems, liberals are the problem’
former president Ronald Reagan
Richard Bottoms
Nothing better happen to a single hair on my gorgeous head.
– Superfly
ThymeZone
“God bless Tall Dave.”
Tall Dave
Lesley
“And so, my fellow Democrats, ask not what you can do for your country; ask what your country can do for you.” – John F. Kennedy
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
The only good liberal is a dead liberal.
jg
“I was for it before I was against it.”—John Kerry
“That depends on what the definition of “is” is.”—Bill Clinton
Whoops, those are real!
Not the first one.
Wilfred
“How many things served us yesterday for articles of Feith, which today are fables to us!” Michel de Montaigne.
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
When I think of you (moonbats), I touch myself.
-Benedict Arnold
ThymeZone
“I always sound like I am going to the bathroom.”
Pat Robertson
dslak
“Give me liberals, and give them death!” – Patrick Henry
jg
Now is the time for all good men to destroy the liberal democratic party.
someone somewhere at sometime
jaime
“Thy God am the Right and the Mind which were before substance was divided from Spirit and darkness from the Right.”
-Voltaire
“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with bunker busting nukes.” – Mahatma Ghandi
jg
‘One of by sedition,
two if by aid and comfort to the enemy’
Paul Revere
annie's granny
“The clergy, by getting themselves established by law and ingrafted into the machine of government, have been a very formidable engine against the civil and religious rights of man. One can only hope that, with the help of Bush and thousands of Evangelical extremists, those rights soon will be suppressed utterly.”
Thomas Jefferson
cleek
“Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if some Liberal puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.”—Malcolm X
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Cicero:
There is no statement so absurd that no liberal will make it.
H.L. Mencken:
Leftism consists very largely of one liberal arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.
William James:
If a man’s good for nothing else, he can at least teach Marxist-Feminist theory at a leftard university.
Richard Bottoms
“What I don’t want to see is the Bills winning the Super Bowl. As long as I’m alive that doesn’t happen.”
—C.G.B. Spender
dslak
“If you want a picture of the future: Imagine a boot stamping on a
humanliberal face—forever.” – O’Brien, Nineteen Eighty-Four.Wilfred
“Understanding is the reward of Feith. Therefore seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.”
– St, Augustine
Lesley
“A Republican, madam. And you should keep it.” – Benjamin Franklin
Tony J
“Only Liberals fail, not the System”
“They died so that others might extend the Unitary Executive Principle”
George Washington Jefferson 1st
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
“Screwed are the meek, for they shall be pushed off the earth.”
“Screwed are the merciful, for they shall receive no mercy.”
“Screwed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called idiot man-children by God.”
“Screwed are they who suffer persecution for justice’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Guantanamo.”
Jesus Patrick ChristRobertson (except the last one, I think that’s Ashcroft)Lesley
“When fascism comes to America, it will be by a liberal burning the flag and spitting on the cross.” – Sinclair Lewis
dslak
“There is no love greater than this: That a man should kill a liberal for his friends.”—Jesus, official mascot of the Republican party
DougJ
“People need to watch what they say, watch what they do.”—Martin Luther King
DougJ
“People need to watch what they say, watch what they do.”—Martin Luther King
annie's granny
“Jefferson Bible? Never heard of it. I’m KJO, baby.”
-Thomas Jefferson
DougJ
“I want to be invisible. I do guerrilla warfare. I paint my face and travel at night. You don’t know it’s over until you’re in a body bag.” —Franklin Delano Roosevelt
dslak
Bill Donahue’s about to get medieval on John Cole’s ass!
dreggas
sorry to interrupt but this was too good.
Listening to the house debate the best line I have hear so far:
“None of us need to be reminded of the threat of terrorism either from floor speeches or presidential homilies”.
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
A nation or civilization that continues to produce bleeding-hearted men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on programs of social uplift than on military defense is approaching physical doom.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
yet another jeff
Those who would not give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.
Ben Franklin
Tsulagi
“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do to
torturealternatively interrogate Nazi appeasers identified by a president.”JFK Inauguration
neil
“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a liberal. But I repeat myself.”—Mark Twain
“Patriotism is supporting your President all the time, and your countrymen when they deserve it.”—Mark Twain
“In the middle ages of Christianity opposition to the State opinions was hushed. The consequence was, Christianity became the religion of the most powerful State in the Free World. Nothing but total agreement, apologetics & even flattery will preserve the purity of religion.”—Thomas Jefferson
“We are not afraid to follow Fox News wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as the President commits it.”—Thomas Jefferson
Jake
The first thing we do, let’s kill all the liberals! – Dick the Butcher [Cheney]
DougJ
“Whenever I hear the word `liberal’, I reach for my revolver.”—Thomas Jefferson
DougJ
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then you waterboard them, then you win.” —Ghandi
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Global War On Terror is a continuation of politics by other means. -Otto von Bismarck
Bubblegum Tate
Ha! Good one.
Still, I think choice number 3 in the original post is the winner so far.
Richard Bottoms
Who do I have to fuck to get off this ship?
—Ripley
neil
“I hold the maxim no less applicable to public than to private affairs, that supporting the President is always the best policy.”—George Washington
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
To be, or not to be conservative: that is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous moonbats,
Or to take arms against a sea of liberals,
And by opposing end them?
-Hamlet the Danish neocon
cleek
“Is it irresponsible to slander liberals? It’s irresponsible not to!”—Nooners
“Pathetic liberals. If you had known anything about the true nature of conservatism, anything at all, you would’ve hidden from it in terror. ”—Ming The Merciless
tBone
“I cannot tell a lie, I did it with my little hatchet. What can I say? I like pie, bitches!” – George Washington
neil
“There are many causes I would kill for. There is not a single cause I would die for.”—Gandhi
Richard Bottoms
“Mulder.”
—Sculley
“Sculley.”
—Mulder
dlw
I’d do the Franklin quote as:
“Those would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve Medals of Freedom.”
Richard Bottoms
“Don’t even think about it.”
“Never do.”
—George Bush
DougJ
I like this one.
neil
“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with a JDAM.”—Gandhi
Richard Bottoms
“Bend over, I’ll drive.”
—George Bush
dslak
Thus being conscious of that which is higher than liberty,
Steadying the self by torture,
Smite the enemy, great-armed one,
That has the form of liberalism, and is hard to get at.—Bhagavad-Gita, III.43
Wilfred
“Hey man, smell my finger”. – George Clinton
“Hey Tony, smell my fist”. – George Bush
dreggas
The liberals are coming! The Liberals Are Coming! – Paul Revere
Halffasthero
“The quality of Mercy is not strained, it droppeth like the gentle rain from waterboards.”
B. Shakespear
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
I’d gladly give your life for this country. -George Bush
Poverty is the best kind of violence.-Gandhi
Where there is a lower class, I am not of it, where there is a criminal element I am not in it, where there is a soul in prison I am free.” -Eugene V. Debs
canuckistani
“We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig. Cow after cow. Village after village. Army after army.”
-Jesus
He was the only biblical figure that made it funny.
Richard Bottoms
“This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.”
—Al Gore
DougJ
Top notch. Possibly the winner so far, IMHO.
dslak
“No liberal’s death diminishes me because I am not involved with Islamofascists; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for liberalism. . .”
John Dunne, Meditation 17
yet another jeff
dlw, I wanted to start with a subtle one that looked like it could have been original with a slight alteration.
tBone
“”Yesterday, December 7, 1941 – a date which will live in infamy – the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. It’s been pretty well confirmed that the lead pilot did go to Prague and he did meet with a senior official of the Iraqi intelligence service in Czechoslovakia last April, several months before the attack.” – FDR, Dec. 8 1941
dslak
“I never met a liberal I liked.”—Will Rogers
The Other Andrew
“I
don’tthink our troops should be used for what’s called nation-building.” George W. Bush, October 11, 2000.“Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.” Darrell, Jimmy Mack, or Karl Rove. Possibly all of the above.
neil
“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall be handed down by anonymous senior administration officials.”—Jesus of Nazareth
“What liberalism therefore produces, above all, is its own grave-diggers. Its fall and the victory of America are equally inevitable.”—Karl Marx
tBone
“He that lives upon hope will receive a pony.” Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac 1758
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
A specter is haunting Europe – the specter of IslamoFascism.
Liberalism is dead labor, which, vampire-like, lives only by sucking living labor, and lives the more, the more labor sucks.
The production of too many useful things results in too many useless liberals.
The liberals will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
– All Karl Marx
Catch a terrorist by waterboarding, and he provides confessions for a day. Teach a terrorist to waterboard, and he provides confessions for a lifetime.
Richard Bottoms
“English, motherfucker. Do you speak English.”
—Rep. Tom Tancredo
dslak
One Liberal to rule them all,
One Liberal to find them,
One Liberal to bring them all,
and on the Internets bind them.
Richard Bottoms
“If you’re havin’ war problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but Iraq ain’t one. Hit me.”
— George Bush
cleek
And behold, a worker from the GOP stood before them, and the glory of the Party shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the worker said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all the right people. For we have installed for you this day in the city of Washington a Savior, who is George the Lesser Bush.’
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Okay, I think I’m done. I’m not going to be able to top that Eugene V. Debs quote, and I’m not finding anything useful from Homer Simpson or Sealab’s Captain Murphy. If anyone else does, congrats.
jg
I can totally picture Linus from “Peanuts’ reading that line on the Christmas special.
annie's granny
“Shoot if you must the old, gays, liberals, Katrina victims, American kids in Iraq, anyone else’s kids in Iraq, the poor, the tired and the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, but spare your country’s yellow ribbon magnets.”
Barbara Frietchie
jg
in the Christmas special I mean.
tBone
“To change your mind and to follow him who sets you right is to be a dishonest flip-flopper.” – Marcus Aurelius
dslak
“Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of liberalism, have gone unburnt, untortured, unfined and unimprisoned. What has been the effect of this lack of coercion? To make one half the world Islamofascists and the other half appeasers; to support terrorism and San Francisco values all over the world . . . .”—Thomas Jefferson
Zifnab
PriestBush: I have been chosen by the big metal hand in the sky!NecromancerFoley: I love the dead… frequentlyPriest... Evangelical?: Side effects may include: dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, water retention, painful rectal itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, death, and halitosis. Magic is not for everyone. Consult your doctor before use/dork
tBone
“To no man will we sell, or deny, or delay, right or justice. Unless we think he might be a terrorist.” – The Magna Carta
Perry Como
“Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is great for planning wars.”—Immanuel Kant
dslak
“That which does not kill me means that it’s not torture.” – Nietzsche
Halffasthero
Eugene V. Debs – DougJ is right. I can’t top it either.
I think this one is a good second:
“Screwed are the merciful, for they shall receive no mercy.”
“Screwed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called idiot man-children by God.”
“Screwed are they who suffer persecution for justice’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Guantanamo.”
Jesus Patrick ChristRobertson (except the last one, I think that’s Ashcroft)
Andrew
“Happiness is a warm gun and a dead Iraqi child.”—Lennon/McCartney
Dave
cleek, nice one man!
Punchy
“Kanye West hates Bush people”
—anonymous
fwiffo
“Each of the hungry fed, each person clothed who was cold, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from guns not made, warships not launched, rockets not fired.
This world of welfare is not spending money alone.
It is spending the weapons of destruction, the money of military contractors, the morale of the troops.
The funding for modern heavy bombers is instead wasted on a public schooling, indoctrinating children all across the country, hydroelectric electric power plants, cheating oil companies of desperately needed revenue, and community hospitals, wasting emergency services on the poor.
A single fighter plane could be bought with a just half million bushels of wheat.
A single destroyer could be purchased with the money wasted on a few thousand new homes.
This is, I repeat, the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking.
This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of creeping socialism, it is humanity hanging from a cross of liberalism.”
fwiffo
Wooops, that would be an excerpt form IKE’s “The Chance for Conflict”.
Fargus
Whoops, I don’t know why my strikethrough didn’t work.
“Stand with anybody that stands RIGHT. Stand with him while he is right and PART with him when he goes wrong LEFT.”
~Abraham Lincoln, October 16, 1854
Perry Como
“Go fuck yourself.”—Jesus to Patrick Leahy
Lesley
I love this one! This might be because I have nearly all of Sam Jackson’s “Pulp Fiction” lines memorized…
Lesley
Although, actually, it’s “English, motherfucker. Do you speak it?” /nit
Jimmmm
Re Iraq and Iran: “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, I have just cause to go all Aby Ghraib on your worthless, seditious ass.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1862
Jimmmm
“Liberalism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”
—Ben Jonson
Richard Bottoms
“So you think you’re cool with your rap? Let me tell you pilgrim, I invented the crap.”
—John Wayne
Richard Bottoms
“Now I gotta run. See you all in Hell.”
—George Bush
ThymeZone
So, DougJ is the judge?
Okay …. contest over.
Thanks, everyone.
Richard Bottoms
“Bunnies. Bunnies. It must be bunnies. Or maybe midgets.”
—George Bush
Lesley
I want to reword my Sinclair Lewis one. It would read better, IMO, as “When fascism comes to America, it will be burning a flag and spitting on the cross.” The added “by a liberal” was overkill.
dreggas
“Be vewy vewy quiet I’m Hunting Libwuls” – Elmer Fudd
Richard Bottoms
“Alright. I get it. You’re evil”
– John Cole
Richard Bottoms
“Moist towellette?”
—George Bush
grumpy realist
“Quo usque tandem abutere, Hillary Clinton, patientia nostra? Quam diu etiam furor iste tuus nos eludet? Quem ad finem sese effrenata iactabit audacia?”
—Cicero, first speech against you-know-who
Face
Straight outta Crawford
crazy muthafuckah named George Bush
in a gang called N’cons with Attitude
When he’s pissed off
GI’s grab the sawed-off
Iraqis squeeze the trigger and
bodies are hauled off.
—Ice Cube (R-epresentin’)
Zombie Santa Claus
Okay …. contest over.
Thanks, everyone.
I think Darrell should be the judge. Darrell, which one do YOU think best encapsulates wingnutted dishonesty and authoritarianism?
Richard Bottoms
“I…have…had…enough…of…you.”
—John Cole
Zombie Santa Claus
Okay …. contest over.
Thanks, everyone.
I think Darrell should be the judge. Darrell, which one do YOU think best encapsulates wingnutted dishonesty and authoritarianism?
Zombie Santa Claus
Okay …. contest over.
Thanks, everyone.
I think Darrell should be the judge. Darrell, which one do YOU think best encapsulates wingnutted dishonesty and authoritarianism?
Zombie Santa Claus
Sorry, that wasn’t meant to come up thrice.
Fucking piece of shit asshole computer!
Perry Como
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cheney R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”—Scooter Libby
tBone
“There are not enough Iraqi insurgents in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.” – George Armstrong Custer
pharniel
also, the WC 3 one. Spot on.
And the hitler ones. NIce.
“Kill them all. God will know his own.” – Athabascan Crusaders. (Unchanged)
Richard Bottoms
“Be seeing you.”
—Alberto Gonzales
Zombie Santa Claus
This is sheer genius.
“Death would be a great boon if only it could blot out the memories.” -Joe Lieberman
Shabbazz
“Excessive partiality for one foreign nation and excessive dislike of another cause those whom they actuate to see danger only on one side, and serve to veil and even second the arts of influence on the other. Real patriots who may resist the intrigues of the favorite are liable to become suspected and odious, while its tools and dupes usurp the applause and confidence of the people, to surrender their interests. Unless, of course, they’re the Number One Sponsor of Terrorism™—then have at it!”
-George Washington
Farewell Address to the Nation
Richard Bottoms
“No one here is exactly as they appear.”
– John McCain
Zombie Santa Claus
“Me so horny.” -John Ashcroft
Richard Bottoms
“How you like me now?”
– Howard Dean
cdb
Liberals are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are Liberals.
-John Stuart Mill
annie's granny
On U.S. fiscal policy:
“It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?”
George W. Bush
Richard Bottoms
“And you can have it all, my empire of dirt. I will bring you down. I will make you hurt.”
—George Bush
srv
– God
Jake
Liberals piss me off! – Eric Cartman
You need to kill the main liberal. Do not just start decapitating liberals left and right. – Worsteshire Sauce Hotline Lady.
I’m not fat, I’m big boned! – Denny Hastert
Richard Bottoms
“Doh!”
—John Cole
annie's granny
“Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!”
~Scooter Libby
Grrr
“I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.”
– George W. Bush
annie's granny
“Everyone’s always in favor of saving Hitler’s brain. But when you put it in the body of Michelle Malkin…Ooohh! Suddenly you’ve gone too far.”
~Dick Cheney
Perry Como
“Death to America!”—Borat Hussein Osama
cdb
“And that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.”
-George W. Bush
Pb
Indeed—mad props for the Lovecraft reference, Perry Como!
Jake
Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to George Bush, and nice red uniforms!
cleek
here is a good one:
Balloon Juice
[...] A Contest [...]
Dem-agog
“A dissillusioned world is inclined to look with languid approbation upon liberals.”
-P.B. Shelly
SilentPatriot
“I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of dissent over the policies of George W. Bush.”
Thomas Jefferson
tiptap
“There are lies, damn lies, and republicans!”
Teddy Roosevelt
Bolen
“Quotes” from William Shakespeare.
“First we kill all the Liberals.”
“Lord, what fools these Liberals be!”
“What a piece of work is George Bush! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god!”
Downpuppy
Bring this back in 6 months. The winner should be the quote that gets spread as real by the most wingnuts.
It will happen.
flounder
In every country and in every age, the liberal has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own.
-Thomas Jefferson, letter to Horatio G. Spafford, March 17, 1814
demimondian
But what if I don’t want to see C’theney rise up from R’lyeh?
(I’m joining Pb in giving mad props for that, though.)
El Cid
” America represents something universal in the human spirit. I received a letter not long ago from a man who said, ‘You can go to Japan to live, but you cannot become Japanese. You can go to France to live and not become a Frenchman. You can go to live in Germany or Turkey, and you won’t become a German or a Turk.’ But then he added, ‘But a man who goes to live in America starts saying that anyone speaking out against a right wing government should be hung, then he, he may truly become an American.’ ”
Ronald Reagan, Campaign rally for Vice President Bush, San Diego, November 7, 1988
40th president of US (1911 – 2004)
Nim, ham hock of liberty
“Those who believe the halls of Congress are mighty enough to exclude our Lord God have too little faith in God and too much faith in man. We should no more make God a stranger to our Laws than we should make him a stranger to our homes.”
-Thomas Jefferson, 1790
Mona
I would remind you that extremism in the defense of Bush is no vice. And let me remind you also that moderation in pursuit of filthy Bush critics is no virtue. – Barry Goldwater
The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of Islamofascism maintain their liberal belief in the rule of law.—Dante
Susan
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up, string up all the liberals, and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all liberals are traitors.”
—Two-in-one, but mostly Martin Luther King
KevinA
“I have a dream… that all men will be judged not on the color of their skin but on whether or not they have rejected the bile of liberalism.” MLK
“A house divided against itself must be purged of the subversives, namely liberals.” Abraham Lincoln
“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask how the pacifist liberals will screw us all and have tea with the enemy.” JFK
mcboo
“We must reconquer America … We must give America a new unity, a new spirit, a totalitarian polity. ... It is necessary to defeat Democracy inexorably. We must found a new state, purge the fatherland of judaising Democrats. ... What does it matter if we have to shed blood! ... We need full power, and that is what we demand…” —Jose Maria Gil Robles (1933)
“TEHRAAAAAAAAAAAN
” —James T. Kirk
KevinA
“I think… too much, therefore I am… LIBERAL.” Descartes
Rumi Nietzsheing
“But thus do I counsel you, my friends: trust all in whom the impulse to punish liberals is powerful!”
Friedrich Nietzsche, Sprach Zarathustra
Susan
I know the human being and fish could coexist peacefully if it weren/t for liberals.—George W. Bush
Oh, wait a minute—that one was real (almost).
pj
“I may disagree with what you say, and if I were President, I could put you to death for saying it.” Voltaire
Matt
Ask not what your country can do for you, ask how you can obey your president. -JFK
Xenos
The Age of Reason quote is a bit silly. TAoR was Paine’s attack on Christianity (in favor of Deism). Citing it as a quote from Common Sense or Rights of Man would be more appropriate.
Ben
“Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve no bid contracts” Ben Franklin
Internet Friend
It is the duty of every patriot to protect the government from his countrymen.
-Thomas Paine
Carlos
Why does that bitch Pelosi need such a big plane!
I Corinthians (ch. V, v. 3)
The 1-2-3-4
Taking an actual quote and rewriting it is too hard. That requires readin’ and stuff. I prefer J. Michael Waller’s method of taking my own depraved opinion, putting it in quotes and attributing it to someone famous. Here goes:
“Well, George Bush is OK, I guess, but his son George W. is a stupid little alcoholic who’ll never amount to a hill of jellybeans. I’d as soon kick his keister as shake his hand.”-Ronald Reagan
Or this:
“Rush Limbaugh is a fat turd who can’t get laid without paying for it.”-Winston Churchill
See? Much easier!
Philip
With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we shall kill all the liberals, so help us God.
Franklin Roosevelt 12/8/41
Philip
We shall kill liberals on the beaches, we shall kill liberals on the landing grounds, we shall kill liberals in the fields and in the streets, we shall kill liberals in the hills, we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire, beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on killing liberals, until, in God’s good time, the new world, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and liberation of the old and the killing of all liberals
Winston Churchill, 6/4/40
lightning_fast_draw
“Liberals are like assholes: when you hear them something obnoxious comes out, they’re on the wrong side to be productive and regularly smear all over the paper.”
Bill Kristol
Doc
“The Tree of Liberty from time to time must be refreshed with the blood of Liberals.”
—Thomas Jefferson
Bill Donohue
I will slap your liberal face with my cock after me Dan and Pablo finish our latest Amanda Marcotte circle jerk – Jeff Goldstein.
DougJ
I hate to be a suck up, but this thread is really, really good. There is no other blog where the comments come close to the ones on this blog.
Everyone take a bow.
DougJ
Yeah, that’s what I thought too. I didn’t want to google it but that’s how Sam Jackson seemed to say it when I replayed it in my brain.
Still, it’s great work.
dnav
I believe that armed force and conditional justice will have the final word in reality. This is why habeus corpus, permanently suspended, is stronger than liberal treason.
– MLK Jr.
SPIIDERWEB™
Got a couple and the first isn’t even altered.
Imagination is more important than knowledge…
Albert Einstein
Support Bush. W00t
1!!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and liberal stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein
Hate the sin, love W.
Mahatma Gandhi
When we see liberals of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine George Bush.
Confucius
And finally.
I thoroughly disapprove of liberals. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark Twain
The Poor Man Institute » Contest time
[...] This is a capital idea: With the entry of the completely manufactured Abraham Lincoln quote entered into the Congressional Record by Don (Bridge to Nowhere) Young (R-Alaska), the stakes have been raised in our contest. It is now up to you to come up with an entirely manufactured or a modified historical fake but accurate quote, and help me see to it that it is entered into the Congressional Record. [...]
Lupin
Thou shalt hate thy neighbor as you hate thyself, even more so if he lieth with men or hath browne skin.
Jesus of Nazarath
Lupin
The only things we have to fear are [insert contents of Webster’s Dictionary here].
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
varajeesus
“He that is without liberalism among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
—Jesus
Brian J.
I’d have to go with fwiffo’s Eisenhower quote for its subtlety and subversion of a great speech from a GOoPer who was actually half-decent.
My contributions:
It is no longer a choice between violence and nonviolence in this world; it’s violence [orig. nonviolence] or nonexistence; that is where we are today.
We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’m going to Crawford [orig. I’ve been to the mountaintop].
Justice [orig. Injustice] anywhere is a threat to conservatives [orig. justice] everywhere.
For when people get caught up with that which is right WING and they are NOT willing to sacrifice for it, there is no stopping point [orig. short of victory].
(Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.)
Frankly, my dear, ...
You can fool some of the people all the time; and I call that my base.
George W. Bush.
Frankly, my dear, ...
You can fool all the people some of the time; and if you pick your time right, that’s all you really need ‘cause by the time they figure out they’ve been fooled it’ll be too late.
George W. Bush
annie's granny
“Liberty without learning is always a good battle strategy; learning without liberty is always off windsurfing.”
~John F. Kennedy
“If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. 9/11. Checkmate.”
~George W. Bush
Sonny
Give me libruls then give them death
Patrick Henry
Frankly, my dear, ...
Liberals saw 9/11 as a tragedy; conservatives saw it as a career opportunity.
Karl Rove
JTrama
Of course the Democrats don’t want war. But after all, it’s the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it’s always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it’s a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the Democrats can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the Democrats for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger.”
—Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials
Baldrick
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
George W. Bush, our life’s Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory does George Bush come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in Dubya’s infancy!
—William Wordsworth
Midwest Product
“If people let go of the hatred of liberals they risk sowing the seeds of liberalism among themselves.”
-William Jefferson Clinton, remarking upon the passing of Yitzhak Rabin
el ranchero
“Is it true that I’m a crypto-Communist and that I and everyone in my party want the terrorists to win?
That defines on what the definition is “is,” is.”
—Bill Clinton
el ranchero
“Git my gun; I’m surrounded by Jews and Haji faggots who don’t even speak English!”—Jesus
smhten
I, John Brown, am convinced that the sins of this great nation cannot be purged but with the blood of traitorous liberals and towel-headed terrorists.
John Brown, 1800-1859
PBen
“Nonviolence doesn’t always work – but violence never does and most Democrats don’t either.”
– Madge Micheels-Cyrus
Bruce
“What are you gonna do with that dildo?”
– George W Bush to Jeff Gannon in the Lincoln Bedroom
Robert
“The Era of Big Government Will Return After I leave Office and get replaced by a Republican.”
Bill Clinton, State of the Union Address, 1996
Robert
“They that can surrender essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, listen to Rush Limbaugh and watch Fox News.”—Benjamin Franklin
Parker
This thread needs to be archived as an exemplar of Sturgeon’s Revelation – but the good ones are very good!
RicK
With a big salute to Dave Chappelle:
“Pimpin’ wars ain’t easy.” [Original: Pimpin’ ain’t easy.]
“I’m the Decider, bitch.” [I’m Rick James, bitch.]
Tara the anti-social social worker
The ally you must always seek is the part of your enemy that knows what is right, and what is right is shipping them to Gitmo and stuffing a chemical light up their butts.
-Mahatma Gandhi
There are known knowns, there are known unknowns, there are unknown knowns, there are unknown unknowns….Look, I don’t know, liberals just suck. Where’s my medal?
-Donald Rumsfeld
I am not a liberal!
-Richard Nixon
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,
In Baghdad with the terr’ists blown away?
The lib’ruls plot their evil with Osama,
And that is why we must defeat Obama.
-William Shakespeare
Worst. President. Ever.
“With malice toward liberals, and charitable words for our corporate sponsors, let us strive on to finish the work we are in: ensuring the USA runs the world, while keeping women, blacks and homosexuals in their Biblically-appointed places.”
Abraham Lincoln, Second Inaugural Address, Mar. 4, 1865
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Fuck you!
Thank you!
Worst. President. Ever.
“Imagine there’s no liberals, it’s not too hard to do
No Feminazis or tree-huggers,
And no effing homos too,
Imagine all the fetuses living every day!
You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join the NRA, and shoot atheists with a handgun”
John Lennon, 19401980Parker
Scruffy –
At least you got the reference…
I would prefer not to have sex with you – but the thanks are very welcome!
Your Conscience
One Letter seperates Clinton from Bush
Clinton – Blow Job
Bush – Blown Job
Dan Reynolds 2005
Tribunzio
“In many cases presumptive evidence goes far to paint a person guilty, though there be no express proof of the fact to be committed by him, but then it must be very ruthlessly pressed, for it is better five innocent persons should die than one guilty person should escape unpunished.”
Lord Hale, 1678
petorado
“The path of the right wing Republican man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the homosexuals and the tyranny of liberal men. Blessed is he, who in the name of neoconservatism and George Bush, shepherds the meek Fox News viewers through the valley of Islamofascism, for he is truly his brother’s Decider and the finder of lost conservative voters. And I will strike down upon thee with great preemption and furious torture those who would attempt to liberalize and cut and run from my brothers. And you will know my name is Alberto Gonzales when I lay my vengeance upon thee. ”
Ezekiel 25:17
as read by Jules from Pulp Fiction
Frankly, my dear, ...
Regimes without checks and balances are prone to grave miscalculations.
Donald Rumsfeld
Oh, wait … That one’s real.
DougJ
That’s Big Daddy Kane, not Dave Chappelle.
Mark Gisleson
“I would remind you that extreme violence against war protesters in the defense of war is no vice! And let me remind you also that moderation in the beating of no-good hippy liberals is no virtue.” —Barry Goldwater
RicK
DougJ,
I obviously wasn’t clear enough, but my intention was not to credit Chapelle with the quote (which is why I didn’t attribute it to him) but to salute him. Thanks anyway.
Muddy Mo
May we, in our dealings with the Muslims of the earth, ever torture them to serve justice.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
tofubo
The Democrat’s blood is the seed of Fascism’s tree. ~Thomas Campbell
Robert Green
“I’m a liberal baby, so why don’t you kill me?”
beck
Robert Green
“we want to be free! free to ride our machines without getting hassled by liberals! and we want to get loaded! and drive our machines over liberals.”
easy rider
Balloon Juice
[...] I am still swamped, so go back to these two threads, read the comments, and place your nominee for best quot. I will think them down to ten we can voteon tomorrow or Thursday. [...]
Jill
Up is down and black is white!
—motto of GWB
RicK
The British are leaving! The British are leaving! – Paul Revere (on Tony ‘Lapdog’ Blairs decision yesterday.
FoxFan
I’m amazed that the liberals think that we’re knucle dragging moutbreathers.That goes to show how they have underestimated the right.They think they are smart ,yet if they had been smart they would have shut thir fucking traitourous mouths a long time ago.I say punnish them for Vietnam and Iraq.