25
Nov
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP
We have close to 2k. We have plenty. Send any more and I will spend it on booze, gambling and loose women and what is left after that I will piss away.
Oh, and thank you. I’ve also had several emails from programmers who are going to help fix this mess once and for all.
FormerSwingVoter
You seem to be implying that some of this money won’t be spent on booze, gambling and loose women. What’s wrong with you?
Zifnab
So this has gone from the “Fix the server” fund to the “Get John Cole laid” fund?
Shit, I’ll kick in another $10 for that.
TR
I have an idea for where you can spend the extra:
NewsMax is advertising a special where you can buy Going Rogue for just $4.97—about $25 off the cover price!
The downside is that with the book, you have to accept a free subscription to NewsMax.
Genine
You might want to say “Thank you.” Then mention your unsavory habits.
Elroy's Lunch
What? I thought that was what I was sending money for in the first place. And Tunch. Also.
DougJ
The easier thing would have been to get Microsoft to pay us to delist from Google.
TaosJohn
Congratulations, John! That’s a direct tribute to you and your fellow bloggers here from all of us who feel we have something of a home here. You have DONE IT, blog-wise.
And I have to say, I admire your priorities.
bemused
That only took 2 hours. That has to really piss off rightwing bloggers. From what I’ve read, they don’t get that kind of rapid response.
Herb
No, you will send the surplus to Herb. You will send the surplus to Herb. You will send the surplus to Herb.
What will you do? That’s right.
You will send the surplus to Herb.
demkat620
@FormerSwingVoter: Seriously. That’s what I assumed it was going to. What do you mean you’re not going to piss it away? You’re a liberal now!
Trinity
@Zifnab: This!
The Grand Panjandrum
That’s fine. Just don’t spend it on animal cruelty! Dressing your animals in Stiller shit should be enough to have Pamela Anderson knocking on your door to reprossess Tunch and Lily.
geg6
Actually John, we probably would all consider funding your booze, gambling, and loose women a sound investment.
geg6
Oh, and DougJ FTW.
ChrisB
Dear Mr Cole,
I am very interested in the Internet and your blog in particular. I am a very hard worker and would like to learn what it is like to be a blogger. I would therefore like to apply for an internship at Balloon-Juice. I would not expect to be paid but I would like my internship to take place when you spend those extra contributions.
gnomedad
OK with me as long as you post photos.
Cassidy
Not that Tunch or Lily aren’t adorable housemates, but I think you could use a loose woman or two. Just make sure pictures go below the fold.
GReynoldsCT00
If you need the occasional loose woman, go for it, it’s the holiday season after all
demkat620
OMG, Obama and the Turkey. Hilarious.
Third Eye Open
Since we are throwing cash around: I need about $15K to finish my Masters. I am willing to trade my services as cabana boy, cook, dog-sitter, Jehovah Witness terrorizer, and all-around hired muscle. I would also like a pony, but I am willing to be flexible on that one. Any takers?
gwangung
@geg6: Um, heck yes….
gwangung
@GReynoldsCT00: Doubled and tripled.
Bisquits
Please, feel free to spend my contribution on gambling, booze and loose women. Merry Christmas!
chrome agnomen
@Zifnab:
yeah, the booze is for the woman! ///
chrome agnomen
should we enlist erickrolled son of erickrolled to start a mail-in campaign for condoms and aspirin to this address?
MysticalChick
@ThirdEyeOpen – uh, where do I go to fill out an application? I’d like to hire you. Can I pay you in coins? And on alternate Saturdays? I might even have a pony here in my pocket.
And damn, I didn’t even get to contribute before you said STOP! Now I have to resort to using that Amazon link. Damn you, John Cole! Also, too.
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
Balloon-juice (v): Being encouraged by your friends to spend their money on your gambling, booze, and loose women.
chrome agnomen
@Third Eye Open
you’re not baiting me with that masters shiite.
SiubhanDuinne
Loved Obama and the turkey. “Courage. Looks like a big chicken.” LOL.
John, in all seriosity, you might want to donate some of the excess to an animal rescue fund—the place where you found Lily, or the great “Little Bitsy” folks in North Carolina. Nice thing to do at Thanksgiving.
martha
@demkat620: oh yes, especially when watching with my wingnut mother (home with neocons…such a great pleasure…erm) who was trying not to laugh (genuinely) at that evil communist…
LGRooney
George Best? “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars – the rest I just squandered.”
Da Bomb
Well, hell that’s what I was sending the money for. Gambling and booze. Put in some cash at the Roulette table for me.
Third Eye Open
@MysticalChick: Sold! When can I expect the check? Do you like your eggs scrambled or SSU? How big is the dog? Sexual favors will be negotiated on a case-by-case basis (that means at least three craft beers and snogging). I vacuum naked … fair warning.
@chrome agnomen: You got me, I need the money for pectoral implants and a MacBook Pro.
Da Bomb
Why is my comment in moderation? Rat bastard!!
Emma Anne
@Third Eye Open:
You aren’t much of an optimist. You didn’t even put in a link.
General Winfield Stuck
The FSM will decide this.
Corner Stone
I got nothing.
Shell
And if you have enough booze, they’ll soon be tight women.
Ka-boom. Thank you, thank you.
r€nato
I posted a dead-threaded comment that I’d give half of any purchases made at my online photo print store to BJ.com.
Since JC has said, ‘enough’, I’m going to revise that offer: use the code “BJFRIENDS” to get 25% off your entire order, plus 10% goes to the John Cole booze/gambling/loose women/do-what-the-hell-you-want-with-it-because-you-fucking-rock fund.
If this is unacceptable whoring, please feel free to delete this message…
Tsulagi
I would hope that isn’t the order of your priorities. Loose women come first.
Chuck
pics pls or it didnt happen
peach flavored shampoo
And if you have enough money, they’ll soon be attractive women.
Punchy
Followed by…..
Is comedy wordsmithing genius.
JGabriel
John Cole @ Top:
Honestly, that sounds like a reason to send more money. At least we know it’ll be going towards a good … time.
.
ellaesther
Yay!
That’s all I got, but it’s heartfelt.
Happy Thanksgiving, John (et al![]())
!
C Nelson Reilly
You should make a preventive purchase of a new grill and maybe a bag or two of rock salt
WereBear
I’m so glad!
I have used the Amazon link in the past, and I will in the future, too!
Geez, if pleading for money does so well, perhaps I’ll have to try it more on my own blog… :)
MazeDancer
Confused by needing to spend the money.
Isn’t there some “click here to volunteer” button for booze gifts, gambling road trips, and representing from the BJ community- organized loose women?
Third Eye Open
@Emma Anne: I don’t know how to setup an online account, but cash, delivered in a cloth sack with a $ symbol on it is just fine.
r€nato
@Punchy:
Thank you. I am a completely underappreciated/undiscovered comedy writing genius…
DecidedFenceSitter
My only hope is John posts later with a “DAMN IT PEOPLE, WE’RE AT 3000!”
Comrade Dread
Send any more and I’m gonna go build my own theme park! With blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the park!
JGabriel
Cassidy:
Why is everyone assuming that Cole doesn’t already have plenty of loose women around? I mean, anyone who wants to keep loose women coming isn’t going to brag about it on his (or her) blog.
Smart promiscuity tends to be kept on the downlow, you know.
.
kindness
Maybe you need to click over to the Apple store.
The 17” laptop sure looks nice…..You’ll need more than 2K though for that.
kindness
loose women for John….. Balloon Juice groupies or BJ groupies?
Bad Horse's Filly
Hmmm, BJ asks for money, in moments there’s thousands. Ask for Cute Dog votes, in moments there are thousands. We step up for lost pets, step up for rescued pets, step up for friends in need. BJ community seems to be an awesome power, maybe we should harness it for good, I bet we’d have this pesky climate problem solved in a flash and then we can take on the economic crisis.
Or we could just concentrate on loose women/men and lots of booze.
Maybe we should vote on that.
Violet
Sorry to have missed out on the donations this time, but will be using the Amazon link for Christmas purchases. Love this place and am happy to help fund it. Three cheers for programmers helping out too. All around good stuff.
Svensker
@chrome agnomen:
Close call. I’ve heard he’s a master baiter.
BruceFromOhio
@Bad Horse’s Filly:
I’ll settle for a preview-edit feature on the &*#@! comments.
Off to find that Amazon link …
Svensker
@JGabriel:
Why? I thought that was a favorite hobby of loose women.
Badabing.
MysticalChick
@ThirdEyeBlind: I have forwarded a cloth bag with several $$ signs on it as a token of my love and fidelity.
Dog is small but chubby, pool is closed for season so you’ll have to find something to do with your time coughtakecareofthemistresscough. Surely you can do that?
centigrade baby
booze, gambling and loose women… hmm, sounds like something worth chipping in for… and I shall do that once I’m freed from my cubie jail.
Billy K
Good thing all coders are Liberals. If this were a conservative site, you couldn’t get anyone to help you.
Corner Stone
@Tsulagi:
Uh…ummm..well..uh…nah.
asiangrrlMN
Ahem, as a flagrant loose women, I am willing to offer my services for a small fee.
And, I expect Tunchie to get a whole turkey leg for his damn self. OK? OK!
@Third Eye Open: Am I late to get in on this action? I need a good housecleaning, if you know what I mean.
chrome agnomen
@Third Eye Open:
@33
well, why didn’t you say so? my check’s in the mail.
Third Eye Open
@MysticalChick: Can you let me use the personal jet for getting back and forth to class?
@asiangrrlMN: I don’t do windows, but I am an expert at packing boxes. Ohhh, thank you folks. I will be here all week
Scuffletuffle
@Third Eye Open: But I need someone who mops nekkid…any suggestions?
Signed, A Loose Woman.
asiangrrlMN
@Third Eye Open: My windows are just fine. I really do need some attention paid to my boxes, though….
tamied
@Svensker: Oh god, that was bad!
Third Eye Open
@asiangrrlMN: I have always wanted to do a New Urbanist tour of Minneapolis, got a couch to surf on and recommendations for good Thai? I will also trade you two slightly used kitties, if that sweetens the pot any.
Origuy
I placed an order at Jerkstoppers through the Project Wonderful link. I trust it works to keep my power cord connected, but I’m really hoping it keeps Sarah Palin pictures off the sidebar, too.
Third Eye Open
@Scuffletuffle: I have heard of a man … nay … a golden god, eight feet tall with a flowing ginger mane, arms like tree-trunks, and he shoots lightning bolts out of his eyes. The man named Cole and his trusty steed Tunch will satiate your need.
dave anderson
Shouldn’t we continue to subsidize John +9 posts—- those are the best
Face
Finally! Balloon Juice formally becomes BJ!
Cole must be beaming that commenters are now advertising their jiggly/furry parts for the taking.
/bookmarks website, erases Match.com bookmark
Punchy
@Face: The fact that his sister(s) and probably Mom read this adds to the comedy effect, IMO. It’s like John is running a virtual brothel.
EnderWiggin
The number really is impressive, I never thought is would be that high, and certainly not that fast
@r€nato: this is actually a great idea. I think a lot if of either full or part time have companies. We could get a community page with discount codes and set up something where if a BJer buys a service, they get a discount and the site gets a cut.
AngusTheGodOfMeat
Okay, I’ll send more. I can’t resist a sincere appeal.
Aaron
Well damn. I was only going to donate if the money went to booze and loose women. Although I could probably be persuaded to donate in return for a bannination of all Palin ads from the site :-)
Of Bugs and Books
@r€nato:
Have you read the rest of this X-rated thread?
Darkrose
I assumed that the extra would go to pet toys. No?
Da Bomb
As a semi-loose woman, I have been told that my skin glistens like chocolate.
I don’t know what that little bit of information does to improve the qualityof the website or the amount of money that will be donated. Just giving it a good ol’ college try.
Of Bugs and Books
And I wish you people would realize this is going out coast to coast and
put you clothes back on.
ruemara
Yeah, but what do you have enough for Tunch & Lily to spend on booze, gambling and loose women? I say donate until we get their needs met.
LD50
I do believe the correct phrase is ‘hookers and blow’.
Cassidy
@JGabriel: Because no one posts that many pictures of their pets who is also getting laid on a regular basis. Secondly, if I had the attentions of a lovely female on a regular basis, you’d get one post out of me, maybe, per day.
Cassidy
Illegal in 49 states?
Tim F.
@Bad Horse’s Filly: booze.
maverratick
I’ll give you money if I could be assured that none of my dollars will be given to these “loose women” and end up in the hands of an abortion doctor.
If you spend it on booze, the guy at the checkout counter might have a sister with bad morals so I guess my dollars can’t be spent on booze either.
And I don’t know who you’re gambling with. There’s no reason an abortion doctor might not be in Vegas and at the same table as you, so for moral reasons I can’t permit any gambling with my dollars either.
So if you want any of my money you’d better promise me that it will be pissed away specifically.
Chuck Butcher
Aww, hell. After I sobered up I got married. Married and kids seemed to eat most of the savings of not supporting breweries and etc. I did manage to do fast cars, well, and Harleys.
It is kinda hard to ship construction services and as far as I can tell the closest of you are over 300 miles so I guess no BJ discounts…
kommrade reproductive vigor
ReaLAMEricans don’t turn down donations John. They spend them on a new grill.
licensed to kill time
I’ve seen this happen twice now – John issues a bleg for dinero, and within hours he’s begging his minions to stop the flood of money. It’s really touching! There are some types of folks who would just not mention that they’ve reached the goal and would let those simoleans just keep rolling in.
John’s an honorable man who deserves all the booze and hookers his heart desires. Or, barring that, pet toys.
canuckistani
Maybe you could set a few bucks aside for the poor old Red State Strike Force, who don’t seem to have any fun or posters offering their body parts in the threads.
Batocchio
Isn’t this proof that John Cole was never truly a conservative? People give him money, and he says, “Stop Stop Stop.”
Wait ‘til Eric Erickson hears about this…
Demo Woman
Kinda cool, I have been away from the computer all day and it is to late to donate. I’ll donate a few dollars the next time.
RedKitten
Sigh…I’m just regretting that this site wasn’t around back when I was a loose woman. You guys really missed out.
DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)
Fix’t.
Hey John, how ‘bout a trek on the Appalachian Trail?
I need a name for in here
It is funny that I didn’t get a chance to donate because I wasn’t fast enough…....next time I’ll have to be quicker on the donate button. In the meantime, I’m in Pittsburgh and I think you are too so if you ever need an emergency booze supply I may be able to help. I’m now too married to have a ready supply of loose women though, sorry.
Corner Stone
@Cassidy: No shit. This had to have taken the form of rhetorical question.
Corner Stone
Marriage. Where happy relationships go to die.
Jen R
@Of Bugs and Books: OMG, the “related topics”! I’m dying.
licensed to kill time
My reply arrow is being held hostage until I pay a ransom of 100 simoleans. Frack!