13
Mar
Glenn Beck Friday!
Via the Library Grape, I see that it is Glenn Beck Friday at Fox, and I am sure it is just a coincidence that it is also Friday the 13th. At any rate, apparently the MSNBC folks were not the only folks getting notes from corporate HQ on what to and what to not talk about, as it is pretty clear Shep Smith was told to heavily promote Glenn Beck’s doom bunker or whatever. Apparently, he was not amused, and the result is this pretty entertaining montage of Shep openly mocking Glenn Beck all day long:
That is pretty excellent.
JenJen
Ya know, that Shep guy doesn’t bother all that much. Not too much. A little, but not always, like here, and like during Hurricane Katrina.
ronathan richardson
I get the sense that Shep Smith doesn’t give a shit about politics. That makes him the best person on his network, by a mile.
AhabT'Pooner
I liked that he did it in the classic Fox way of playing dumb.
"I don’t get this, I don’t understand this, what’s it about, not being alone?" (paraphrase)
Bostondreams
Shep Smith..man is he in TRRRRROOOUUUBBBBLLLEE!
Zam
Yea I had on Fox for once since it was the only channel not talking about Anna Nicole Smith. I couldn’t believe what I heard. Now I’m just wondering when he gets the boot.
anticontrarian
that dude’s totally fired, but what a way to flame out. high-fawking-larious.
Library Grape
Thanks for the shoutout John. I seriously couldn’t stop laughing after i watched that clip. Shepard Smith’s dry mocking, even in the face of Chris Wallace’s "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE", was a sight to behold. Brilliant
PS. I wonder how many lashes this earns him in the Rupert Murdoch Torture Chamber.
PPS. (shameless plug alert) If anyone ever wants to check out my blog, come on by to http://www.librarygrape.com . To my credit, I love John Cole more than pie.
Comrade Stuck
Velly strange. Was just reading comments in the open thread and my computer just re booted itself for no reason. Wasn’t clicking or anything. And when I restored to previous session with FF, I couldn’t type anything into comment box.
This has been a bug report.
I watched that video earlier, and I’m not completely convinced it wasn’t a planned skit, maybe even with managements blessing. Maybe even Fox is getting a little squeamish with their high ratings new star Whack-a-doodle Beck. He makes O’Reilly seem like Mr. Rogers/ Either way it was funny as hell.
AhabT'Pooner
Plus, Smith has always reminded me of Leland Palmer, which is kinda creepy.
southpaw
that dude’s totally fired, but what a way to flame out. high-fawking-larious.
Not fired. Liberated.
amorphous
@Bostondreams: I’m pretty sure he’ll be okay; it was quite clearly done for the lulz.
Just Some Fuckhead
Great idea, John. Set up a thread where BOB’s up and coming radio god of love is pilloried and all BOB can do is watch it happen in helpless rage. Teehee.
MattF
Smith has the "I don’t live here, I’m only visiting" schtick down pat, but I’m not entirely convinced. He’s there a lot. And all his relatives have suites.
TheOfficialHatOnMyCat
One of the oddest things I’ve seen on tv. The only thing I can figure is that Shep and Glen are gay, and Shep is the jilted lover in the relationship.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. At all. In fact, the idea kind of humanizes Beck a little bit, for me.
demkat620
OMG. Hi-lari-ous! Fear Chamber.
Win!
El Cid
Well, god-damn! Sheppard Smith is my 2nd hero of the week after Jon Stewart!
Svensker
@Library Grape:
Are you related to Moby Grape?
kommrade reproductive vigor
Wow. The needle on my Sarcastrometer is buried and burnt.
If he can do that at will he could stand in for Colbert.
Library Grape
@Svensker:
No but i like the phrase ‘Moby Grape’. I got the term ‘Library Grape’ from Neal Stephenson’s latest epic novel Anathem. I wrote up an explanation of the concept behind it at: http://www.librarygrape.com/20.....grape.html
big woo
This is weird. My usual take on the daytime Fox staff is that they are under pressure to toe the line because they’ve bottomed out professionally.
Shep Smith must have heard how much Beck was making and just lost it.
El Cid
I think I heard Glenn Beck say via the phone to Sheppard Smith "God, what a dick."
It happens when Beck first starts talking to Sheppard Smith on the phone, and Smith kicks in with the googly eyes and tilting head stuff.
This is so fucking awesome.
Max
That’s the first time I’ve ever seen Shepard Smith. Is it just me, or is he one of them?
max hats
Is that guy always entertaining? I may. . .have to. . .start watching Fox???
Seriously, Beware The Man « Beware The Man
[...] I would bet the wife and kids on, if I had any: Shep Smith is not long for FOX “News.” This is VERY funny stuff. HUGE hat tip to John Cole for this work of art. Possibly related posts: (automatically [...]
Cal Gal
Has Mike Wallace disinherited his son yet? What a douche.
Shepherd Smith, on the other hand, I remember admiring his coverage during Hurricane Katrina. I, too, may have to start watching, and much as it make me throw up a little in my mouth to admit it.
Svensker
@Library Grape:
The term and your explanation are much more sophisticated than mine:
What’s big and purple and lives in the ocean? Moby Grape.
It was a late 60s/early 70s joke craze that I still find hilarious, much to everyone’s annoyance.
Church Lady
My daughter went to a party at his home after working with him during the debate in Oxford. She says he’s a little nuts.
El Cid
I love it when Shep points out the ultra-gigantic satellite dish truck for Glenn Beck and says, "My god, look out how huuuuge that truck is—is that for the size of his ego?"
Laura W
Rachel just did a very, very nice rip on the birther issue.
It’s… almost…like…she… read the BJ comments on the same.
Nah.
camchuck
Coming soon on not-FOX: The Smith/Steele Hour
John O
F**ing hilarious.
Comedy gold. Thanks to Library Grape, and you, John.
Smith is toast.
gaucho
Start a pool on this thread for how long Shep is employed by Fox. For some reason this reminded me of the late-night-host-guy in V for Vendetta doing his crazy schtick and getting dragged out of his house in the middle of the night.
amorphous
@Cal Gal: I will shed eleventy billion tears if my child(ren?) ever becomes the sort of person who believes Fox is legitimate news.
Cat Lady
Are we witnessing the "Stewart Effect", where hacks with souls let the masks slip? Snarky Howard Beales in the newsrooms?
POPCORN!
camchuck
Someone is asking for an ass-kicking from Chuck Norris.
Library Grape
@Svensker:
Oh! I do actually remember that! Totally slipped my mind. Will have to give a shoutout!
stickler
This is what I love about Balloon Juice, the cryptic comments:
My daughter went to a party at his home after working with him during the debate in Oxford. She says he’s a little nuts.
Oooh! Is it Shepard Smith? Gilbert Grape? Chris Wallace? Glenn Beck? Moby Dick?
And who the hell is both 1) someone with a daughter who attends Oxford and works with (?) in debates, and 2) wastes time on this blog?
God bless John Cole. This site is ten kinds of awesome.
amorphous
@Svensker: That joke sucks.
@stickler: I have a feeling that’s Oxford, MS.
racrecir
Complementing Glenn Beck, Michael Gerson laments Obama’s "false dawn of post-partisanship" which "creates an atmosphere in which the angry predominate—and it can cause anger to rise unbidden within all of us." More killing sprees, I guess.
Dennis-SGMM
@Svensker:
Wow, for a second I thought that you were referring to Moby Grape, the middling-quality Sixties rock band. Their hit was "Omaha" and their distinction was that their drummer, Skip Spence, played the drums on the Jeff Airplane’s first album.
Library Grape
@gaucho:
OMG, this is so perfect and true!! What was the name of the fatass government propaganda guy in that movie that got killed in his shower? Rush Limbaugh anyone? Hmm, who would the Natalie Portman character be?
amorphous
Not to flood, but if you have any Photoshopping skillz (at all), please contact the DNC as they are clearly in need.
The Cat Who Would Be Tunch
@max hats: He can be but it’s never really been comparable to the likes of this Glenn Beck Friday clip.
eemom
@Svensker:
why is an elephant the same as a grape?
They’re both purple except the elephant.
what did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming?
"Here come the grapes." She was color blind.
and the piece de resistance
what did Jane say when she saw the elephants wearing sunglasses?
Nothing. She didn’t recognize them.
Library Grape
By the way, after just watching Keith Olbermann, isn’t it just a bit sad that Shepard Smith of all people had the balls to say FUCK YOU to his corporate overlords and Keith Olbermann didn’t have the moxie to make a single mention of the John Stewart/Jim Cramer smackdown last night?
Josh Hueco
Hate away, Shep!
BTW, OT, but I’m flingin’ my green and gold hellafar tonight.
Svensker
@amorphous:
You, just like everyone in my family and all my friends, are wrong.
How do you tell an elephant from a grape? Grapes are purple.
What did the grape say to the elephant? Nothing. Grapes can’t talk.
What did the cat say to the grape? Meow.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in the strawberry patch.
What’s the difference between eating peanut butter and eating elephants? Elephants don’t stick to the roof of your mouth.
I mean, seriously, are there better jokes than these?
Svensker
@Dennis-SGMM:
Wow, for a second I thought that you were referring to Moby Grape, the middling-quality Sixties rock band. Their hit was "Omaha" and their distinction was that their drummer, Skip Spence, played the drums on the Jeff Airplane’s first album.
The group was actually named for the joke (I kid not). I liked them.
Svensker
@eemom:
Ha ha ha, eemom. You are in the groove, Jackson!
delosgatos
The money quote, around 1:10:
That would be a big rock burning up in the atmosphere on its way to being completely annihilated?
Yeah, image works for me…
John Cole
@Svensker: How do elephants hide in strawberry patches? They paint their toenails red.
Ever seen an elephant hiding in a strawberry patch? Works pretty good, doesn’t it?
Just Some Baconhead
@Svensker: My favorite joke is: What has two legs and bleeds a lot?
A. Half a cat.
John O
LG, you’re being too tough on Olbermann, in principle.
Everyone’s individual circumstances, views of the "political" landscape in individual personal employment terms, and desires for their own futures are different and impossibly infinite in variety. Picture, oh, yourself and any criticism that may be leveled at you on the basis of a single comment or thought. Or lack thereof.
Rachel teased me, but I haven’t seen anything since she did. There are two possibilities: One, she DID have the stones to go against her orders and has since been whispered into her ears, or two, NBC is trying to figure out where the money is in terms of popular opinion. No doubt they muzzled their grizzled veterans (obvious), but we’ll see in the next few minutes how long is the leash they gave Rachel.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@Svensker: Huh. I always thought it was the other way around.
Matt
Shep actually does this a lot. He’s got pretty much free reign on his programs. Hate the network but I’ve got a lot of respect for him.
/often forced to have it on in the background. :(
amorphous
@Josh Hueco: That’s okay, we’ll take the next 25.
Dennis-SGMM
A guy is jogging along the beach at dawn. Suddenly he hears the sound of a woman crying. He looks around and finds a woman with no arms or legs, wrapped in a blanket and propped up on a sand dune.
"Oh my, god!" he exclaims. "How can I help you?"
"No," answers, "I’m well taken care of. I’m just crying because I’ve never been kissed by a man."
The guy ponders for a second and then bends down and kisses her on the lips.
"Thank you!" she shouts as he jogs off.
A few mornings later the same guy is jogging on the same beach. Again he hears weeping and again he finds the armless and legless woman.
"What’s wrong?" he asks.
"Well," she answers, "you’re kiss was so sweet that I was reminded that I’ve never been… well I’ve never been…"
"Fucked?" he suggests.
"That’s it," she answers.
He gathers her up in his arms, carries her out into the surf as far as he can and then throws her into the waves.
"Now you’re fucked."
John O
Uh, did I miss something? Did Rachel tease a Cramer-Stewart segment and bail?
Help, please. But I think that is what I’m witnessing.
passerby
A forgotten classic. Overlooked for too long. Under appreciated for its simplicity. Thanks for bringing it back svensker.
I like Shep Smith and I’ll bet Fox gives him their approval to mock Beck. And I believe he means it. Beck certainly deserves it.
And Chris Wallace. Obedient, sycophantic Chris. Reading from his corporate masters’ script. Weenie.
me
I didn’t see a tease, but did see a short 2 minute segment.
Library Grape
@John O:
Fair enough although great moments in journalistic responsibility in this country are made by fighting the corporate overlords. Ever watch Good Night and Good Luck? I’m not necessarily equating Cramer with McCarthy but, well, maybe I’d have to think about that. Considering that some of the more honest reporting we hear comes out of nonmainstream outlets like Olbermann and Maddow—what, would MSNBC have ditched their two highest ratings-machines over a violation of the diktat that Thou Shalt Not Speak Ill Of Holy Overlord NBC?
aarrgghh
i don’t watch fox but over the last few years whenever a shep clip came to my attention, it’s for this kind of "hey, i dunno who these other folks are, i just work here" behavior. i’m under the impression that he’s like this all the time. i hope so. just so that i know that not everyone there is on the kool-aid, or at least not taking their prescribed dosage.
Josh Hueco
@amorphous:
Perhaps, my friend, but tonight we dine on Longhorn steak.
Library Grape
Oh… my… god…
I had the misfortune of venturing over to HotAir and found this absolutely delicious piece of Kool-Aid drinking rightwing insanity:
BECK IS A UNITER!! These people really are batshit insane aren’t they?
John O
me,
Shit, missed it in most likely some sort of information-inhaling or blogging binge.
LG, you’re absolutely right. No dispute with you there. But desires of greatness or Murrowness vary infinitely by individual circumstance.
I’ve seen GN, GL several times, but prefer the original!
JL
@me: Did she go against the memo and actually talk about TDS. Pretty impresive if she did.
Library Grape
@JL:
I paused her to come back here. I’ll go watch. Good for her if so!!
John O
LG:
Yes.
This has been another…
John O
LG, or anyone else, please report back in.
I think Rachel got the death sentence in her ear. I was not paying 100% attention, but wasn’t far off.
SLKRR
That has to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on Fox News. I mean, intentionally funny, of course.
JL
@Library Grape: Donahue was fired even though his ratings were high compared to the rest of MSNBC because he went against company orders.
Library Grape
@JL:
Yikes. I am watching now on the tivo machine. i hope the jackbooted thugs of corporate media don’t rob us of this fresh, honest voice
John O
HA!
I have no particular genius save one: I know it when I see it.
Also, I know The Man.
Thanks, LG, let us know if you see something relevant.
I’m telling you, NBC folded and pulled rank, in several senses of the word.
growingdaisies
Something on Fox just brought me a moment of happiness and joy.
It’s the end of the world.
John O
John, I SAW the tease.
If LG or anyone else is unable to find the natural conclusion to the tease, I do believe you have another popular post on your hands.
We are in some deep shit.
Library Grape
So here’s the definitive word. Rachel Maddow reported on the Cramer/Stewart smackdown by noting that Comedy Central received a 400% increase in its website traffic today. Very shrewd of her. She didnt go into too much detail on the content of the piece, but reported on the surrounding circumstances. It happened around the 0:29 mark. She definitely had some deep yet peripheral barbs. I am so happy Rachel is on the air. Our favorite lady has stronger balls than Keith.
Just Some Fuckhead
@JL: Donahue had the highest ratings on MSNBC at the time.
John O
LG, with all due respect, that was only shrewd from Rachel’s personal perspective.
It was a tease in every sense of the word for all her viewers.
She should’ve taken the bullet. Of course, it took me 25 years in Corporate America to do the same, so I say that lightly.
Library Grape
@John O:
Agreed as to the shrewd point. I give Rachel more slack that Keith. He’s been on the air for a long while now. She is less than 1 year on the job. I know if i was her, I might not be as ballsy. Keith probably had more cred to swing around and couldve flipped the finger in a bigger way. i hope she doesnt get punished for her transgression against the corporate overlords—hopefully they realize that the backlash would be SEVERE
JL
@Library Grape: Thank you for the update. 400% increase, wow! When I watched the unedited version on the web, blackberry was the sponsor. They must be proud about the increase.
John O
Yep, LG. It will be very interesting to see how things shake out for these folks in the next week or three.
Library Grape
@JL:
Yeah, I posted my immediate reactions to the Stewart/Cramer smackdown at http://www.librarygrape.com/20.....rt-on.html . I wanted to post the video but it seemed like they were having web issues. Right when I woke up, I tried to get the video but the Comedy Central site was down, saying it was "under maintenance". The response to the interview must have crashed the servers!
Fax Paladin
I dunno—I think Wallace is consciously playing Margaret Dumont to Shep’s Groucho. That meteor comment, followed by "I, for one…"? You have to be pretty obtuse not to know that at least a third of your audience is mentally finishing that sentence, "...welcome our new wingnut overlords." Maybe Wallace is that obtuse…
@Josh Hueco and amorphous:
UT grad, living in Waco. If we had to lose to someone, it might as well be Baylor…
Susan Kitchens
Direct link to The Rachel giving The Comment about The Brawl
patrick
I thought Shep was going to get fired back when he pilloried Joe-the-Plumber for asserting voting for Obama would cause the destruction of Israel.
I am beginning to think he has compromising pictures of Roger Ailes.
Shep Smith Mocking Glenn Beck | I Eat Gravel
[...] (h/t Balloon Juice) [...]
Ninerdave
I have no idea who Shep Smith is but I like him, that was snark worthy of the BJ commentariat.
Ninerdave
Since I had no idea what Shep was talking about I had to look it up. In addition to the other insanity he lays out 9 principals.
#8 says:
"It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion. "
Which made me laugh, given how many times I was told people who disagree with Bush or the Iraq war were not patriotic.
Comrade Darkness
@AhabT’Pooner, damn. thank you. I could not for the life of me figure out what is WAS about the man.
Wilson Heath
At least it wasn’t Limbaugh he mocked. It doesn’t seem like Beck has the pull to make Smith kiss his (sphincter) ring.
Fredly
It’s strange when things from one’s youth pop up in strange yet enjoyable circumstances:
How do you housebreak an elephant?
You get 14 copies of the New York Times—the Sunday edition.
Many thanks to Lennie Weinrib, Roger Price, Leonard Stern and Larry Sloan
gaucho
@Library Grape: Kinda late on the draw but the unholy child of Limbaugh and O’Reilly is the blowhard and the Portman character (Eevee) is Jim Cramer’s personal assistant who got her job because it was the best path to establishment glory.
Zach
It’s amazing that Sheppard Smith goes day by day barely concealing his utter contempt for his employer and he’s held onto his job forever… I mean they haven’t given him more responsibility for years but they’ve never shoved him aside either.
The best Shep Smith moment I ever caught was some person throwing a stupid story back to the studio. He just goes, "wooooooooord," and goes to commercial.
The surreality of most of Fox’s programming comes from realizing that people actually care about what anyone’s saying, ever. Shep Smith’s got a totally different brand going on.
BongCrosby
I noticed that Glenn’s "We Surround Them" emblem looks a good deal like LOST’s Dharma Initiative emblem.
Perhaps we could call it "The Dumber Initiative"?
BongCrosby
I noticed that Glenn’s "We Surround Them" emblem looks a good deal like LOST’s Dharma Initiative emblem.
Perhaps we could call it "The Dumber Initiative"?
BongCrosby
Damn.
Jay
@Zach: I’ve often thought that there’s a difference between pre-"Outfoxed" people and post-"Outfoxed"; people who have come after have a clause in their contract that covers memos, whereas Shep has a whole filing cabinet of bad PR for Fox.
"Have you seen our man, Ailes, lately?"
Svensker
Just checking in after morning coffee. Glad to see there are other grape/elephant joke aficionados here. There were a few I hadn’t heard before, and a few I’d forgotten.
ChicagoPat
Is this how the Alpha-douchebag is determined at Fox?
Jay
Well that’s the end of Shep. Heeeelarious.
kth
Old joke, fixed:
Shep’s all right; MSNBC should hire him and let him be as conservative as he wants, just to show people how to really roll fairly and balanced.
Fredly
I saw, heard or read an interview a couple of years ago in which Sheppard Smith stated he is not into politics (!) but he is totally into the news. I got the impression from this of the still seen "news reader" on BBC, someone not emotionally involved with the content of news and possibly not the person who wrote the copy. After all, news is supposed to be like science or Dragnet—just the facts. Most of what we see now is some sort of editorializing. With facts barely in the mix.
How many elephants on a Nurndy team?
Ten. Two borks, six forwards and two wopplers.
Why are elephants so much better at Nurndy than people?
Because they wopple better.
Bey
Elephant jokes are second only to X-Walks-Into-A-Bar jokes. Just about everybody I know pretends to hate them, but they always want me to tell them when the subject comes up.
Maybe it’s like when we had a loose tooth as kids – the sharp edges made it hurt a little when we wiggled it, but we just couldn’t leave it alone.
So:
Amnesiac walks into a bar. Sits next to a beautiful woman. Asks "Do I come here often?"
Neutron walks into a bar. Asks the bartender "How much for a beer?" Bartender says "For you – no charge!"
Skeleton walks into a bar. Says "Bartender! Give me a beer and a mop!"
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender says "Would you like a beer?" Descartes says "I think not." ..... and disappears.
crustaceanette
That is funny/weird. However, I am suspicious of everything Fox does and I think it’s pretty much out that Beck is certifiable. If he gets dumped for going over the edge, they can just come back with "hey, we never really took the guy all that seriously—see, it was a comedy show, just like TDS - heh—the whole thing with Mike Wallace, it was a farce"
Tho I admit, what he needs to do in order to be considered going "over the edge" is apparently beyond my imagination, everything I’ve seen is pretty darn creepy shit.
Tyrone Slothrop
@Svensker
Your joke reminds me of a couple I learned in the GWN as a lad:
What’s big and red and carries a machine gun? Al Caplum.
What’s big and green and goes rat-a-tat-tat? Woody Woodpickle.
Sigh. Good times.
Adios.
JD Ryan
Actual "surrounder" quote, from an Idaho news site:
Geniuses, I tells ya… Geniuses.
YellowJournalism
If you’re going to love on Smith for his comments, send some love to the camera man for zooming in whenever Smith did his Glen Beck creepy stare.
gil mann
Holy shit. I’ve been wondering who Shep reminded me of forever, and that actor’s in, like, a third of the movies I own.
Library Grape, coupla things re: Olbermann and Maddow. First off, I’m surprised she went into the Cramer/Stewart dustup as much as she did, regardless of memos from NBC suits—-blog aficionado though she may be, she hates doing media crit and tries to stick to first-gen news.
Olbermann, as much as I enjoy his show and can never repay him for being the one guy to sound the alarm before Bush’s numbers bottomed out, is… well, he’s kind of a tool, frankly. Y’ever see one of his (always sympathetic) guests disagree, however slightly, with the premise of a (ridiculously leading) question? Keith’ll roll with it, but the air just goes right out of the room. It’s pretty weird. And before his own viewers hammered the fuck out of him with e-mails, he was right there with the rest of the beltway scum being offended by Colbert’s unseemly WHPC performance.
So yeah, Countdown’s a good enough way to spend an hour, but Rachel’s about ten times the (anchor)man he is.
Anyway, you seem like a pretty with-it dude. Got a website or something?
Chris Johnson
I loved Shep. I mean, I’m in Vermont and the dude makes me want to whistle Dixie. He gets more Southern as he goes off the reservation- I don’t think they can possibly get rid of anybody with that much charisma. Yay starbursts :D
He’s probably a bit of a jerk- anybody who can carry on like that has to be a bit of a jerk- but God is he fun to watch :)
Steeplejack
@Svensker:
Also a not too shabby minor ‘60s rock band.
Edit: Damn it, late again! Curses. "Murder in My Heart for the Judge" and "Motorcycle Irene." Also.
Library Grape
@gil mann:
Good points gil. Rachel is one of the most impressive news people i’ve seen in a while.
I have a blog at http://www.librarygrape.com
daily digest for 2009-03-14 - midnightsolitude
[...] Glenn Beck Friday! [...]
Roq
I think we should start a campaign to liberate Shep from Fox News. This is just another in a long line of cries for help.
roseyv
Which made me laugh, given how many times I was told people who disagree with Bush or the Iraq war were not patriotic.
No no, you misread it. It says it’s not un-American for him to disagree with authority or to share his personal opinions. But that’s because he is correct. It’s totally un-American for us to do it, because we are wrong about everything.
It’s a little confusing, I admit, but if you read it carefully it makes total sense.
apa
Glenn Beck is a cog in the Fix News propaganda machine. He subverts everything "the news" is supposed to represent with fanaticism. See ONE of his latest blunders at http://www.NeoFasces.com.
anthony
This is probably Shep Smith is forced to do national coverge for FOX network force dor national events such as the election. They want to get rid of him from the fox news channel.