12
Jan
My first mission as part of the Red State Strike Force
I joined Red State Strike Force a few days ago. I just received word of my first mission:
XXXXX:
Would you mind taking the time to go vote for RedState in this year’s Weblog Awards. Much appreciated.
Sincerely yours,
Erick Erickson
Editor, RedState.com
Update: Another picture of their insignia, just because I think it’s funny.
gbear
I hope you didn’t do it…
bayville
Covert Misson No. 1 for all strike force members:
Stuff Weblog Ballot Boxes.
TenguPhule
The Red Menace has never been so mockable.
DannyNoonan
Look, war is hell. And if it has to be won one blog award at a time, then so be it.
PS - Obama is a terrorist. Etc.
bootlegger
Better dead than Red.
joe from Lowell
On my screen, the Red State Strike Force logo lines up right next to Uber-Journalist Sam Wurzelbacher’s face.
Awesome.
Gus
Surely you’ve seen this.
Shinobi
ooo who should I vote for instead of Red State… hrm.
cleek
why does he include his signature in the email ?
is there any value at all in doing such a thing?
and, wow, RS is getting its scabby little ass kicked. Powerline, too. oh happy day.
Comrade Stuck
The Tubes Terrors are all piss and vinegar with a spot of Angel Blood.
mistermix
The proper title is "Red State – Strike Force Alpha". Please correct the post.
TheHatOnMyCat
Of course, it’s the same principle as signing the back of your credit card. It proves to the merchant that you are who you say you are.
Amirite?
Shinobi
Maybe he’s testing out his life lock.
Incertus
The weblog awards page won’t open for me. I think we breaked it with our evil liberal intent.
Laura W
@Gus: Wheee…. Laugh o’ the Day right there.
bootlegger
@Gus: Hilarious!
Zifnab
AMERICA! Fuck, yeah! Gonna save the motherfucking day, yeah! America!
Bill H
Canadians can join Red State Strike Force?
Keith
I think special consideration should be made in your favor should you ever obstruct justice, commit perjury, or otherwise break some grand jury law as a result of your heroism. I’m not one for hyperbole, but your courage indicates to me that you would have succeeded in assassinating Hitler had history deemed that your station in life.
Michael
So do you have a rank? Get medals and ribbons?
DougJ
It’s a coalition of the willing.
binzinerator
The Red State Suck Force. They issue you a decoder ring when you signed up? What about freebie cheetos? The cheetos could make it worthwhile, depending on the expiration date on the bag.
@Comrade Stuck
That sounds like a douche gone horribly wrong.
canuckistani
Mission 2: Pick up Erick’s dry cleaning.
Mission 3: Drink Ovaltine.
Laura W
@binzinerator:
Ouch.
Second best laugh o’ day.
Face
Step 1: Vote for RedState
Step 2: ????????
Step 3: Win elections!
Step 4: Profit
Something tells me Step 2’s a bitch to figure out.
cleek
well, there’s a training class, and… wait, no there isn’t. scratch that. there’s a ten dollar filing fee, but we can probably get that waived.
congratulations, you’re a member!
Notorious P.A.T.
If you are captured, will Redstate disavow any knowledge of your activities?
Comrade Stuck
@binzinerator:
That’s one way to put it.
low-tech cyclist
canuckistani:
Mission 2: Pick up Erick’s dry cleaning.
Mission 3: Drink Ovaltine.
Mission 4: Pick up a six of Bud and a couple bags of Cheetos.
Mission 5: Watch the NFL playoffs.
Watch out – you never know where the fearsome Red State Strike Force will strike next!
Punchy
Wasn’t Strike Force a lame TV cop show drama in the mid 80’s? Sho nuff
Fuckers cant even invent an original name/premise. Probably dont know what "premise" means. Probably can’t spell "probably".
DougJ
This is really cracking me up. Someone calling themselves a Strike Force and then mostly asking its members to vote in web polls. Is this really as hilarious as I think it is?
Notorious P.A.T.
@Gus:
Hahaha! I guess all the round-wheel-designers are liberals.
jibeaux
You know how Gareth from the Office (UK) is in the Territorial Army, and says things like
Somehow, the RS Strike Force manages to make Gareth seem like a Navy SEAL.
BDeevDad
OT: The White Phosphorus meme is back.
JenJen
You know what’s even funnier??!!??
Your Breathless NRO Cruise Director has just announced… that… wait for it… Karl Rove will be aboard the next NRO Cruise!! Ahoy, matey!
http://corner.nationalreview.c.....QxNTllODM=
Doubles start at $2499! Singles start at only $3499. That’s right, cruisers… $3499 and you, too can rub shoulders with K-Lo, John Bolton, Rich "Little Starbursts" Lowry, Karl Rove, Tony "Labored Neck Fat" Blankley, and the rest of the super-fun gang!
Love, exciting and new….
Sadly, no word on Jonah Goldberg’s deckhand attendance. I hear he’s working on his next book, "Liberals Owned Slaves And Caused The Civil War, I Swear, Seriously. And I Totally Mean It This Time."
Damn I can’t wait for the next NRO Fundraiser. K-Lo is so spunky when begging for funds.
The Grand Panjandrum
@Gus: Nice. The Sadly, No crew just keeps bringing the awesome and wins the intertubes again.
JGabriel
canuckistani:
Mission 3: Boo at Obama’s inauguration. Yeah, we know you won’t actually be there, just put it on TV and then boo. It’ll be all cool, cause if we all do it, then it’ll be real loud and everyone will hear us across the land and it’ll be like Howard Beale screaming "I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore," and yeah we know that was fiction, but this’ll be like real, man.
Red State Strike Force: For Real, Man.
.
southpaw
Is Erick Erickson’s middle name "Wood"?
It kinda looks like it, right?
Erick Wood Erickson. Excellent.
Joshua Norton
Considering all that excess tonnage, they probably won’t be able to carry too many passengers.
R-Jud
@cleek:
What I’d like to know is how often he practices his signature. I used to do that in sixth grade on the back of notebooks—you know, "This is how I’ll write my name when I’m famous and people ask for my autograph!" Does he use different pens?
The Other Steve
I created a logo for Balloon-Juice…
Click here.
I USD SUPR SEEKRET EDITIN TECHNIQUE 2 CREATE DIS. DOAN TELL REDSTATE CAUSE OURS IZ BETTR.
The Grand Panjandrum
@JenJen:
If Governor Palin signs up, I’m there!
Chuck Butcher
Are those people over age 12?
The Grand Panjandrum
@The Other Steve: That server error message does seem appropriate. In a retro kinda way.
JGabriel
The Other Steve:
404 Not Found.
.
jibeaux
@JenJen:
I’ve never actually been on a cruise, but I would guess they involve bathing suits….
If anyone has just removed their own eyes with the handiest blunt instrument, sincerest apologies. Not that you’d know that.
Joshua Norton
Not that long ago that was the logo.
Jon Swift
After all I have done to celebrate the legacy of George Bush two conservative blogs have formed a coalition to wrest coveted second place away from me in the Weblog Awards and now they have won an endorsement from The Corner. Losing second place in the Weblog Awards may just be more than I can bear.
DougJ
This one may involve wet suits.
binzinerator
If Red Staters believed that wheels are round, then they could, conceivably, begin to wonder if the earth is round. And this is a treacherous slippery slope that can only lead to the abyss of godless empiricism and the eternal damnation of liberalism.
Square wheels keeps disquieting questions from being asked.
DougJ
I’ve always seen you as more of a Kathleen Parker/Chris Buckley elitist conservative. If you’d named yourself after the author of the Left Behind series instead of some stuffed shirt from the 18th century, I might cut you some more slack .
jibeaux
I don’t care who you are, that joke never gets old.
blogenfreude
Just as long as you’re not French Canadian.
Comrade Dread
I suppose it would be wrong of me to pray that there are freakish icebergs floating in their path.
I’d at least expect something a little more ambitious for the Strike Force like killing Castro or rescuing a small businessman from harassment by corrupt politicians by cobbling together tanks out of random parts and shooting at their feet.
Comrade Kevin
@R-Jud:
I suspect he actually draws pictures of dicks on everything.
David Hunt
Arrrgh! The image that sentence evoked means I now need brain bleach! Arrrgh!!
TenguPhule
I would root for pirates, myself.
Better odds and we can have them explain to their captors our "no negotiation" strategy.
blogenfreude
@David Hunt: Here – take a look at this request for funds – you’ll feel better.
JenJen
@The Grand Panjandrum:
Dude! If Palin signs on, we should totally share a cabin! That single is a bit too rich for my blood right now, but I don’t want anyone to know about it on the NRO Cruise, lest they think I’m some hippie who can’t afford to be there. Horrors! I will NOT be ignored by Tony Blankley, I’m here to tell you.
I imagine that for every ten cabins, K-LO sails free! She’s so awesome and relevant. Let’s give her a leg-up, shall we? Be a pal!
Let me know! ;-)
Michael D.
Please vote for TBogg or Balloon Juice.
Sincerely,
Michael Michaelson
Brick Oven Bill
This seems counterintuitive to me, but it does appear to be valid. The higher IQ portion of the white electorate is trending Democratic.
But before you guys have too much fun with the Red State patch, the ‘voluntary universal national service’ about to be thrust upon our college youth most likely will have similar patches. But these patches will be worse. I predict that there will be at least one division of universal volunteers with a patch showing two people holding hands.
canuckistani
I’d like to see the Deadly Kraken pull their ship to the bottom of the sea with its enormous tentacles.
canuckistani
Nothing could induce me to go anywhere near K-Lo’s leg.
David Hunt
@blogenfreude:
I’m at work and the title in the url looks kinda unsafe. But I think I get the general idea…
bayville
Sir:
Do you have your second set of orders from Commandant Erik?
America owes you a big God Bless.
amorphous
Successful troll is successful!
Tsulagi
Okay, let’s do the math.
Last week in an update, Erick let the force know he’d ran the numbers saying they’d grown to 5,906 strong adding hundreds each day. Looking now at the Best Conservative Blog poll numbers, RedState as of a few minutes ago stood at 1,370 getting their asses handed to them. In a poll those 5900+ could vote each day.
Well, no doubt it’s just a matter of those swinging dick RSSF operators not yet swinging into action. Possibly there’s been a case of starbursts overload from fingering their new patch and thinking of rough men at the ready.
But when they take the field, watch out. They will take no prisoners. A force to be reckoned with. You betcha.
jibeaux
To be fair, The Nation also offers cruises, and I only find that idea about 2% more appealing than a Corner Cruise. But then, I cop to a limited ability to endure positive comments about Ralph Nader without resorting to violence, as well as limited tolerance for words like "empowered", "hegemony" and "imperialistic".
I mean, what’s wrong with "the theme of this vacation is #($ing VACATION, okay?"
DougJ
What’s counterintuitive about that?
I’ve spoken with the Obama people and they said that blogging here would count as national service, btw.
JenJen
@Comrade Dread:
ZOMG I just thought of something! Maybe Erick and "Teh Force" will be aboard, to head off any Somalian (or, I guess, in this case, former Yugoslavian) Pirates!!
Arrrrrrrrrr!
HumboldtBlue
Well, seeing as though we’re talking voting, please take a minute and introduce yourself to Sister Mary Catherine, who needs a few votes over at funnyordie.
http://www.funnyordie.com/vide.....rom-moiraj
JenJen
@Jon Swift:
Don’t worry, Jon. Losing to Treacher would be a Badge of Courage. We’ll make you your own graphic, and everything. "I lost to Treacher and all I got was this lousy Bear Stearns logo travel mug" or something.
Seriously… all y’all need to click and vote for Swift. Jesus. What does it take to motivate you people? I only have so many unique ISP addys.
Punchy
Zach Duke’s a conservative?
Laura W
@R-Jud:
What I’d like to know is how many Red Girls are sitting home right now practicing cursive
Mrs. Erick Erickson
with hearts over the "i"s.
(I’m assuming he’s straight, and single? Don’t know the man. My loss, surely.)
cleek
rough dicks, standing firmly in the night. protecting him from evil.
AkaDad
The way Red State treats Republicans, it should be called Stroke Force.
jibeaux
Somehow, I picture them with little berets. Tough guy berets, though, like the Green Berets’ (black) berets, not some faggoty French beret or something.
Punchy
@blogenfreude: Anyone willing to sell their virginity to the highest bidder isn’t actually a virgin.
The Other Steve
Huh? Whadya mean 404 not found? It’s right here
Maybe it just needed to get pushed out to the google horde servers.
Zifnab
@Joshua Norton:
Michael Moore is also fat. Just say’n.
John PM
Here is the fuller blurb for the NRO Cruise:
Don’t you see what’s going on here? More important than the people who are attending is the place where they are sailing – The Eastern Mediterranean! What is close by? Israel
OMG, it is all so clear now. The RSSF will be sailing incognito on the ship, which will not actually hit all those ports but instead go straight from Rome (because the Italians are so in love with covert American activities in Italy and head right for Israel. Once in port, the RSSF Sky Copter will take off from the deck of the ship and all the aforesaid conversative intellectuals will accompany Erick Erickson, Ben Benson, John Johnson, Lars Larsson and the rest of the same-name strike force into Gaza to wipe out Hamas once and for all. Here’s hoping that Israel can hold out for six more months while our intrepid hereos finish training and equiping
Gods speed, RSSF
! (More exclamation points means more patriotic).
Notorious P.A.T.
Hehe, I did that too.
Notorious P.A.T.
Wet suits provided, BYO dildo.
Napoleon
@Laura W:
Isn’t he married to Monica Goodling who is a Regent University Law School grad who was nailed in the whole US Justice Department scandal where she was questioning new hires about political affiliation in blatent violation of Federal law? She is the one that some Congressperson or Senator ask some kind of question of and she answers something along the lines of "My oath to George Bush" to which said Congressperson/Senator says something like "Isn’t your oath to the Constitution/laws of the US".
[Edit – no, apparently she is married to someone else who helped found Redstate]
Rick Taylor
That needs a musical accompaniment. Maybe the theme from the A-team?
demkat620
@The Other Steve:
That cat is nowhere near fat enough to be our mascot.
And where’s the Hola Fruita?
theturtlemoves
@southpaw: I think maybe it is Elwood. He’s on a mission from God.
jake 4 that 1
@DougJ: More so and then some. Please report back with Erick’s attempts to hunt down the EVIL SPY who has infiltrated Red Spite Stroke Force. Many Jack Bauer fantasies are sure to follow.
R-Jud
@Laura W:
I have a feeling nobody does—at least, not in the Biblical sense.
Gus
It feels more personal. He signed every one himself.
Punchy
If anyone knows where I can wager on what tomorrow’s RedState front page post will be, tell me so I can put $5000 on "Who the fuck has sold out the Strike Farce?" followed by a bunch of mean-looking emoticons.
Jon H
"Isn’t he married to Monica Goodling"
Yes, and they have recently spawned a larva.
OniHanzo
Oh noes! Two people holding hands!
Actually now that you mention it… if they start embroidering now they can probably have it designed before Inauguration Day.
harlana pepper
Oh my, the EMBLEM. It’s just so POWERFUL looking. I must look away lest I be overcome and lose control of my feminine senses.
OniHanzo
@jibeaux:
Wasn’t there a big hullaballoo back in the Clinton Days about that? Berets being all "feminine-European-beatnik" and whatnot?
harlana pepper
)) Sssthar-burfs!!((
jake 4 that 1
My vision isn’t the best but it looks like his middle name is Wood.
And that sack o crap is no more an editor than he is a soldier. What next, Erick Erickson, Ph.D*?
*Philistine Destroyer
TenguPhule
Rush Limbaugh’s on a diet.
jake 4 that 1
@TenguPhule: [Tears of Mirth]
Comrade Dread
Strike Force Mission Report – 1.12.09
The day started early as the sun broke the over the mountains in the liberal socialist hellhole California. It was to be another sunny winter day with unseasonably warm weather in the 80’s and not a cloud to be seen. The damn liberal Charlie bastards would probably spoil it by citing it as evidence of Global Warming soon, so I shut off my 13” Sanyo Television set while Moscow Rose was still prattling on about the weather. I shouldn’t watch that shit, but I can’t afford basic cable since Comrade Obama’s election destroyed the economy that Bush built and I got laid off.
But there was no time for this anyway. Command had a mission for us. An important one.
I gathered my gear: two wrist braces for carpal tunnel, my best Camo pants, and my I
Jager
Isn’t that "star" part of the NATO logo…I thought these guys hated NATO?
Jager
gnomedad
@Comrade Dread:
You wish. No way are they letting their guard down. They know global warming is a fraud.
Comrade Dread
Nothing to see here…
gil mann
(balloons shower down from ceiling, festive alarm sounds)
"Corner Cruise," you are the one millionth conservative coinage that sounds really really gay!
But yeah, I don’t get these political publication vacations at all. Just because I agree with someone doesn’t mean I want them on my beach volleyball team. I could see going on a regular cruise where the deal is, like, you can have 30% off if you let Thom Hartmann sit at your table and ramble on about the history of labor unions, but otherwise, no.
JGabriel
Comrade Dread:
?
Typo? Or are we starting a round of Exquisite Corpse?
.
Comrade Dread
Sorry… Forgot that using a ‘less than’ sign was an html tag.
Journal continues:
I gathered my gear: two wrist braces for carpal tunnel, my best Camo pants, and my I heart Sarah t-shirt and headed to the basement, keeping my head down to avoid presenting an open target to any would be snipers. My heart stopped as I descended the stairs and felt a thin wire brush across my neck. Certain it was a tripwire, I dove down the rest of the flight of stairs, anticipating a blast.
It was only a spider web. This time.
Commander Ericksen was already waiting for us when we logged in. He had sent the mission parameters over an unsecured line, a breach of protocol, but he remained confident, no doubt that as long as Dear Leader remained in office, we had nothing to fear from the government. No doubt he’d unveil a new code next week when Charlie took office. I’d bring it up again at the next meeting.
He gave us the briefing. We were to infiltrate a web blog award site and vote for Red State. No doubt the godless commies were already spamming and we’d be damned if we gave up without a fight.
The mission has some risks. And some of us probably wouldn’t make it back. There were, of course, trolls to worry about. Also, some of the men might go off course and Google "Wet blog award site" and get lost in porno for days. That happened to Johnson last time out. Poor bastard never stood a chance. Last I heard he was regular diarist at Kos. War is hell.
We infiltrated the site just past noon. Would’ve gotten there sooner, but mom asked me to clean the breakfast dishes. Fascist.
I planted my vote and got the hell out before I clicked any links that might take me to enemy territory. Safely back at Red State, I remain confident that this battle can be won.
Wolverines.
Conservatively Liberal
Pretty f’ing great Comrade! Almost reads like real life (via the eyes of a wingnut). You and Tbone ought to collaborate on an online ‘novel’, I bet it would be a real gripper…lol! A series of short stories about missions to refill the Cheetos hopper, retrieving stiff socks their mothers found under their beds, Red State Strike Farce SEAL missions (two wetsuits and a dildo required) and other important stuff like that.
TOS, teh kitteh is too slender, needs more meat on its bones. How about a MUP/BJ Alpha Team patch? Maybe lots of rainbows, pink triangles, a unicorn (fashioned after My Little Pony), some flowers and a marijuana leaf? White background, blue borders and I am sold! ;)
Shawn in ShowMe
I can’t believe that my Red Strike Force design was rejected. I’m crushed.
The Force
Comrade Stuck
@Comrade Dread:
Meanwhile, outside the wire, the enemy could be seen preparing for the Strike Force Devildogs to hit their submit triggers. Cole’s minions were ready in force with Tenguephile strapped to the Site Logo with his Uziminiboard and Thymezone waiting to turn back the clock and lay spice to the Cracker Hoards. There was going to be hell to pay and bandwith to bleed.
JGabriel
Comrade Stuck:
Eww?
That’s kind of gross, if taken literally. Sounds messy.
.
Comrade Stuck
@JGabriel:
War is ewww!
Balloon Juice » Blog Archive » TEH GAY: You can’t stop it, you can only hope to contain it
[...] some point be a web poll in which I can vote for Ken Blackwell as RNC chair. When that day comes, I and the rest of the Red State Strike Force will be ready to rain down on Katon Dawson and “Chip” Saltsman like a bolt of lightning [...]
sus
missions? Are they like the PUMA prowls?
machine
Typically, the level of violence implied in a mission or task force name is inversely proportional to the actual level of badass in personnel or execution of plan. Have these "Strike Force" bozos starting assigning each other military rank designations yet?