Apparently there is a debate tonight. The funny thing about it is I really don’t even care. There is, quite honestly, nothing Obama could say that would make me not vote for him. His opening statement could be “My name is Barack Hussein Obama, and I am a muslim, and winning this election is all part of a plot to turn the United States into my own personal caliphate,” and I would shrug and vote for him anyway because at least he would go about it in a competent manner. Compared to the last eight years with C+ Augustus and Darth Cheney and the possibility of four more with Johnny Drama and Bible Spice, that would be preferable.
The only thing I am really interested in is seeing if he can get McCain to erupt in anger.
At any rate, this is a debate, and as such, we must have a drinking game. Use this thread to set up the ground rules. Some starters:
McCain lies- 1 drink
McCain lies blatantly- 1 drink
McCain says “My friends”- 1 drink
McCain says “My friends” and includes the weird and awkward forced smile that screams CHILD TOUCHER- 1 drink
McCain says Obama is out touch – one sip
McCain says “I put country first”—two sips
McCain says Obama will raise taxes for Middle class – 2 shots
Any mention of POW, Viet Nam, service to country- 1 drink
“Ready on Day One”- One drink
Blatant pandering over Israel/Georgia/wherever- 1 drink
Discussing the surge- 1 drink
I will update with your recommendations.
BTW- we are now at a little over 400 in the fund raiser to re-design the site. Paypal is here if you are so inclined. Amazon honors is to the right.
Paul in Boca
I expect all of America will be experiencing the Mother of All Hangovers in the morning. Three drinks for every blatant lie…jesus, that’s brutal!
TackyParker
I’m already drinking – can I skip a few lies and “my friends” before I hit my wife’s gin?
Gene
There needs to be a beer bong category if McCain takes credit for his “leadership” with the financial legislation package.
Noah
Oh my God. This has got to be the stupidest thing ever said on No Quarter!
And that’s saying a lot!
KRK
Before this open thread becomes debate-o-palooza, just an FYI to Dr. Horrible fans and would-be minions of Bad Horse. The Evil League of Evil is currently accepting video applications, singing optional. Deadline Oct. 11. Get to it.
HumboldtBlue
Fuck that, that’s why I aint gonna play no drinking games on this one. I’ll be flat on my ass within 30 minutes.
On the other hand, I will hit a bong every time McCain says “my friends” in return.
Stuck in the Fun House
This will require several bottles and could well lead to drunkedness. When asked what he will do to stem the economic crisis, Mccain will answer, the Surge has worked my friends, adding, that negro standing next to me was against it, ending with PUTIN Biatchs!
Helena Handbag
In the name of all that is decent and just, do *not* encourage people to take a drink every single time he says “My Friends!” There aren’t enough ambulances in this country to save us all from that much alcohol poisoning.
I can see Karl Rove planting this on college campuses to kill off a bunch of young Obama voters, though. Dead students can only vote in Chicago, and even the dead ones will be voting for Obama this year.
t jasper parnell
That has got to be the perfect epithet ever; right up there with Achilles tamer of horses.
KRK
For non-drinkers and people who need to function tomorrow, the Indecision2008 blog has a drinking game less likely to result in alcohol poisoning:
* Everytime a candidate mentions September 11th, prank-call Rudy Giuliani.
* Every time a candidate mentions the Arctic Wildlife Refuge, plunge a turkey baster into your ice cube tray.
* Every time a candidate promises to bring back blue collar jobs, call your customer service rep in Bangalore.
* Every time a candidate says “folks,” threaten to foreclose on an Iowa farm unless the farmer’s daughter “cooperates.”
* Every time Barack Obama mentions his tax cuts for the middle class, gift-wrap a box of poo for your rich uncle.
* Every time McCain says “friends,” call Lindsey Graham and say “I think he’s talking about you!”
* Every time Obama pauses before the predicate of a sentence, go watch Star Trek: The Original Series to see how a pro does it.
* Every time Jim Lehrer says something boring, send yourself a “Celtic Thunder” tote bag.
* Every time McCain mentions “the Surge,” drink a Red Bull. Every time he mentions “Red Bull,” drink a Surge.
* Every time Obama strings together at least three fuzzy, liberal platitudes, cue up the episode of The West Wing where Mrs. Landingham dies.
* Every time McCain refers to his running mate, stand up, face Russia and finish whatever bottle is in front of you.
tBone
Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, John. Are you trying to kill all of us? I’ll be passed out within the first 10 minutes using your rules.
Laura W
My Friends, join me!
$1 to Obama every time “pocketbook” is said by anybody. OK, I’ll even start at 8pmEST, just so I can stay awake and focused.
And I’m giving $5 to Obama right off the bat in John’s honor just for
BIBLE SPICE.
Comrade Warren Terra
John, your drinking game seems designed to send all your readers to the hospital. The debate is scheduled to last 90 minutes, and while I concede I may be a bit of a wimp I’m not sure I’d last the opening statement with your rules.
Good thing I already gave to the MUP’s campaign and the server drive this week!
zzyzx
Right now I’m listening to a genius playlist generated from “Slip Slidin’ Away” to commemorate what’s been happening to McCain’s chances.
Comrade Throwing the Stones
Holy Shit, John!
I thought I could handle some liquor, but I’m going to have to scale back on your rules or I’ll end up like Humboldt.
Speaking of, can we substitue for ‘drinks’?
Ted
That really is the Holy Grail for tonight. Can Obama find it?
That’s damn, damn funny.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Help me decide: I have the beer, but should I order in pizza or KFC?
Oh, and here’s this guy’s drinking game. (Link for credit, whole game listed below).
Martin
Make sure you get the paypal before the debate, because we’ll all be dead according to these rules before the debate is half over.
I’ll look for my paypal info when I get home. I’m in for $10.
Comrade John Cole
Credit TBOGG with Bible Spice.
As to the Evil League of Evil, if you have not read the Evil Overlord Lists, you are missing out.
PC
That’s easy.
Obama: The problem with Wall Street is too many executives have been acting like trollops.
JL
Laura, good idea. Since I might partake in a few drinks, please keep score. You should also add $1.00 for each time McCain says “my friends”.
Comrade John Cole
I’m dying over here.
Ok. I toned everything down to one drink. Where are your suggestions damnit?
stickler
Here’s a wild card, but I think there’s an off chance it might happen:
If John McCain says “there you go again…”, pound your beer.
Think about it: it might capture some Reagan vibes, and he’s just crazy enough to try it.
t jasper parnell
Also
smile is accurate.
srv
Your paypal link up there isn’t working
Comrade John Cole
KFC? Jesus. Two quarts of ketel one, a carton of camels, and speedballs would be healthier than KFC.
srv
OK, the button works, but not your links.
Dennis - SGMM
Betcha’ McCain will be sleeping on his stomach tonight. He must have taken a horse needle full of meds in both asscheeks to appear lucid and yet not blow his top.
Stuck in the Fun House
Mccain saying Obama is out touch – one sip
Mccain saying I put country first — two sips
Mccain saying Obama will raise taxes for Middle class – 2 shots
Will Hunting
Any obvious geographic errors or mistakes (i.e. Czechoslovakia) you have to chug.
Laura W
oh YAY! Thanks for coming to my party!! I feel popular.
I am not willing or able to pay attention to, or $1 for, “my friends”. I am easily nauseated when drunk, and 90 min of McInsane on full screen is already pushing me. Plus, I don’t have that much money in my next 9 lifetimes.
My Truth Hurts
I dunno about the game John, I might suffer extreme liver damage and dangerous alcohol poisoning within the first few minutes.
Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon)
As John, or maybe a commenter, noted earlier, “Bible Spice” is yet another creation of the magnificent Tbogg, the same guy who wrote this.
Martin
$100 to Obama if he does it, $500 if he can get McCain to throw a punch. I think that puts me at the max, or I’d go higher for the punch.
Dennis - SGMM
McCain says “I’m an old Navy pilot,” – 3 shots.
Incertus
I do that game and my students will never get their essays back. I don’t think I have that much booze in the house.
littlesky
LOL, I hope those stick, especially “Johnny Drama.”
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Yeah, and I cycle 30 km a day, have the resting heart rate (50) and blood pressure (95/58) of an athlete, and the blood chemistry of a 19th century Greek peasant.
So I damn well get to eat some KFC once a year, if only to remind me that it never tastes as good as I remember.
Ted
Friends of Dorothy?
Laura W
I will pound the pavement and help get out the vote here in NC for Obama if he does this! Really. And that’s way harder for me than giving money.
I woke up all of the cats, and the dog, laughing at that one (and visualizing it, complete with appropriate eye rolling).
Comrade Ivan Fookinov (fmrly: Conservatively Liberal)
I am stoned 24/7, so I will watch the debate until the urge to get out my guitar and abuse my eardrums in a way that I can enjoy can’t be ignored.
HumboldtBlue
Actually, Bible Spice isn’t TBogg’s either. I saw it first on Monday, or maybe Tuesday, and I believe it came from a GOS commenter.
Comrade John Cole
If you all have not read the link above from Montysano, I would argue the “Your Mumia Shirt Won’t Get You Into Heaven Anymore” post is one of the blogosphere’s greatest. I laugh every time I read it.
Maybe the Belle Waring and a pony post is up there, too.
Dreggas
ordering pizza now but all I have to drink is beer and tequila. I am fucked tomorrow.
Martin
We need something to cover POW references but I’m unable to think of something that won’t prove lethal.
Dennis - SGMM
Moderator asks McCain “Why did you pick one of the stupidest people in America as your VP?” – Drain the pitcher.
Comrade John Cole
If you all have not read the link above from Montysano, I would argue the “Your Mumia Shirt Won’t Get You Into Heaven Anymore” post is one of the blogosphere’s greatest. I laugh every time I read it.
Maybe the Belle Waring and a pony post is up there, too.
Laura W
So I was getting out my pink and orange paisley spiral notebook (SO?) in which to tally up the “pocketbook” references for me and my NBF JL, and I found the list I started last night on this site!
FWIW, here are some mentioned in previous threads:
Bailout
Recovery Plan
Prison
Blink
Second Guess Israel
The Grand Panjandrum
What? Jesus Babbling Christ I put away a bottle of Chianti before 5 EDT, knocked off two Ommegangs (750 ml/ea) AND a Three Philosophers (750 ml) since then. We are now getting serious with the Tequila Anejo so look out brothers and sisters this motherfuckers gonna get wild! These are serious times with Former POW John McCain declaring the end of the world 48 hours ago. Fuck the hangover! We won’t live long enough to regret any of this shit anyway.
Game ON!
JL
What channel is everyone watching? I like cspan and pbs. Normally PBS has a recap with historians which I enjoy.
anticontrarian
here’s my suggestion:
every time mccain says ‘prisoner of war’ you have to induce vomiting.
that should keep everyone alive and out of the hospital.
Neurovore
You forgot a few…
McCain mentions the word “POW” – 1 drink.
McCain tries to shift the conversation to his experiences as a POW, – 2 drinks
Laura W
HA!
John double posted!
$5 to Obama!
Wini
Wine and debit card standing by…
JL beat me to it, but Laura W: if you can provide a count, I’ll also match your Obama donation –
KRK
This is an interesting GOS diary, recommended by Nate at 538, a debate coach previews the debate.
Laura W
Well, there is the previously mentioned “prison”.
But how about “All tied up at the time” followed by child molester creepy sneer?
I read somewhere today that he was likely to say something “clever” like that as he used it in a previous debate referring to Hillary being topless at Woodstock. Or whatever and also and such.
Bob NV
Any mention of the POW thing has to be worth at least a drink. You know John McCain couldn’t debate or watch debates for 5.5 years.
Dreggas
1 drink every time McCain mentions cleaning up “Warshington”
or hell just says “Warshington”
KRK
CSPAN live online.
Elliott
You better be drinking Gatorade, or you will die.
LiberalTarian
Hm. I better make my G&T weak, like the M&P ticket, cuz I think I’m gonna be slogging a lot of alcohol during this debate. Okee dokee. Time to hop on the bike and peddle to the store for some tonic water and get me home for the debate.
kommrade jakevich
My liver is trying to hide behind my spine.
JL
I haven’t chipped in yet for John’s upgrade because I’m waiting to see how much I’m sending to Obama. If McCain takes a swing, I figure that Obama will not need our donations.
Dennis - SGMM
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall,
Ninety-nine bottles of beer,
One faux pas and you drink one down,
Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall…
Dreggas
1 drink every time McCain looks down at his prepared remarks or looks for a tele-prompter.
Blue Raven
McCain uses a coded racial slur: 1 drink
McCain brings up experience and lack of same: 1 drink
McCain uses an actual racial slur: Finish the bottle
Obama gets in a verbal dig at McCain’s age: 1 drink
Obama refers to being able to do more than one thing at the same time: 1 drink
Obama uses the pat head/rub tummy analogy for same: 2 drinks
Obama makes gaffe relating to “his Muslim faith”: Grab fistful of Valium and wash it down with the rest of the bottle
Litlebritdifrnt
I’ve had a couple of Heineken lites thus far this evening. I am now going onto the Harp, things could get silly from here on out.
JL
During the Katie Couric debate, Sarah raised her hands and I looked to she if she had crib notes written on them. She had talking points but just didn’t put them in order.
Rick Taylor
Harry Reid doesn’t like John McCain (via Mydd). Bill Clinton, are you taking notes?
Dreggas
It wouldn’t be Mississippi if the KKK didn’t show up
Lizzy L
Not going to play; my liver and kidneys can’t handle that much abuse. I have a couple beers in the refrigerator and I figure I’m going to need both of them in order to keep from throwing my radio (no TV) through the window. I hate these phony debates. Maybe I’ll just drink the beer and skip turning on the radio. Yeah.
gbear
I think TBogg got Bible Spice from this post on Sadly, No! posted the day before. It starts showing up about 3/4 of the way down the comments and everyone flips over it.
No booze in my house but I could try doing the game with Cheetos instead of sips (I’ve got a bag of Munchies handy). I’ll probably wind up thowing up about at about the same time as you guys.
JL
Rick, This is worth sharing..
Statements like this must drive the McCain staff over the edge.
HumboldtBlue
.
Yes, go ahead and ridicule me for being a doubting TBogg. I checked with the fellow who used the comment and he stated, for the record, that he cribbed it from TBogg.
I’ll go drink alone now.
Comrade Grand Panjandrum
Reminds me of a Greyhound bus ride to Travis AFB with a 6-pack of Schlitz Malt Liquor, a fifth of Jack Daniels and a pocketful of Reds. Whoa! Now THAT was a drinking game. Should have been awarded a Bronze Star with a V device for all the gargoyles and flying rats I had to fight off on that trip.
Litlebritdifrnt
The McCain campaign is now saying that he is “tired” and due to the negotiations on the hill he has not got alot of sleep. Obviously they have their excuse crib cards up and ready to go.
Dreggas
He was in his office last night at 6 and to his home in Warshington by 9 I call bull shit.
ninerdave
I’m thinking anytime the candidates use the words:
of, is, the, a, but, and, in, is, it, you and that
Drink once.
D-Chance.
Hillary dude tells us how to figure out who wins the debate.
And after reading all three points he makes… the column amounts to “but Hillary outperformed Obama during the primaries; this should be HER debate, dammit!”
Oh, the joy of jilted Clagina lovers.
JL
How drugged will McCain be? They have to do something to make him look calm. For those with high-def, keep the rest of us updated, if his make-up starts to drip.
zzyzx
One advantage Obama has right now is that Pelosi is constantly mentioning the Obama points whenever she gives a press conference. I can’t remember anyone talking up McCain’s role yet.
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
My God you’re going to kill me with that list of drinking rules. I expect if I have to drink so much the website will be available tonight?
J. Michael Neal
I’d contribute to both Cole and Obama, but one of the cats managed to burn his paw, so I’ve got vet bills to cover.
Ed Drone
How many drinks do we take if we spot the hidden earbud?
Ed
Dennis - SGMM
“My friends, four five and a half years I couldn’t have a debate. So I say to you, lampshades, two cent stamps, tax cuts, It’s Tommy this and that and Tommy that and ‘Chuck him out, the brute’, maverick, Paris Hilton, free markets, Iranian menace, this Bud’s for you, grandpa’s Packard…”
Republicans: “McCain pummels Obama!”
Tennerock
I see how this is going to end.
(AP)Thousdans, perhaps hundreds of thousands of Obama supporters were found dead after last night’s Presidential debate. A former McCain surrogate, refusing to be identified, told reporters that McCain supporters had managed to distribute the rules for a drinking game through various web sites, which were invariably posted online.
The debate began much as expected, but after a short while Senator McCain’s debating style took an odd turn. Senator McCain has occasionally been publicly mocked for excessively using the words ‘My friends’ or referring to his time as a POW. So excessively, in fact, that these were prominent items in the rules for the previously mentioned drinking game.
About 15 minutes into the debate, Senator McCain began to lead off literally every sentence with ‘My Friends,’. By our best count, he used those words approximately 482 times by the end of the debate. He referenced his POW status 143 times, lied about the Bridge to Nowhere 72 times and, most dramatically, attacked various women with a vile epithet we cannot reproduce here.
—
An accurate body count has been impossible to determine, as work crews have been unable to approach the homes of dead debate viewers due to toxic fumes emanating from these locations.
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
None, you get a reprieve.
Laura W
That, My Friend, is the perfect lead in!
Bravo.
The Moar You Know
C-Span streaming is down, Ballon Juice is up. I am officially living in topsy-turvy land.
JL
new thread
CIRCVS MAXIMVS MMVIII
So, since McCain is in the hall and debating, does this mean they ironed out a bailout plan? No? Why is he there then when he said it was more important to meet in Washington until the plan was set? Hahahahahaha!
Tattoosydney
Ok, so everyone is ignoring the other threads… so I am reposting.
Coming from Australia, I’m not allowed to donate to Obama or any other politician under US electoral laws, but I think this may be the most important election in a very long time. I’m sure there are a lot of non-US citizens who are in the same position…
I’ve donated to John’s paypal and also given some money to Giordano – supporting the great arts of snark, analysis and wingnut debunking.
Before you all get too drunk (I’d join you but it’s 11am here and a little early for drinking games) does anyone have any other ideas (legal of course – no breaching American electoral laws for me) as to where us furriners could throw some money that might help get Obama into the White House?
Darkrose
I kicked you a little cash via PayPal a couple of weeks ago…did it go through?
Comrade Josh Vondoktorpepper
I just gave $10 thru Amazon, but who the fuck is Grumpy’s report?
Litlebritdifrnt
How many points for the first mention of Ted Kennedy? Whatever McCain wins them.
PC
I just made a Sazerac. This is going to hurt.
Comrade Josh Vondoktorpepper
Oh God, two WWII anecdotes already?
Darkrose
Okay…what the fuck was all that about Normandy and Eisenhower? Does McCain really want to be saying “I’m old! Like, really really old!”
dslak
When’s this damned foreign policy debate going to get to foreign policy?
dslak
Darkrose, any educated American is going to know the significance of Eisenhower and Normandy, regardless of his or her age. It shouldn’t make someone look “old” to refer to such a watershed event in American history.