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You are here: Home / Humorous / Fundie Mentalism

Fundie Mentalism

by Michael D.|  September 9, 200812:59 pm| 47 Comments

This post is in: Humorous, General Stupidity

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Via Yglesias:

I kissed a girl and I liked it. Then I went to hell.

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Reader Interactions

47Comments

  1. 1.

    Incertus

    September 9, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    When I saw this yesterday, I wondered if anyone who doesn’t know the song was going to be really confused by it. Looked at in a particular way, it could be pro-gay, after all.

  2. 2.

    neil

    September 9, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Or, if looked at in another way, not gay at all.

  3. 3.

    Martin

    September 9, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    I don’t get it. I kiss my wife all the time and I like it. Am I going to hell?

  4. 4.

    neil

    September 9, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Or, if looked at in another way, not gay at all.

  5. 5.

    The Moar You Know

    September 9, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    Some of my former girlfriends have kissed other girls.

    Those girls are the best kind.

  6. 6.

    Buck

    September 9, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    I was not aware of the song so when I saw the sign I was both confused and frightened.

    Reckon how Blacklick, Ohio got its name?

  7. 7.

    Kali's Little Sister

    September 9, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    So now kissing is punishable by eternal damnation.

    Gee, this is a bright, new, happy world they are promising, isn’t it?

  8. 8.

    SamFromUtah

    September 9, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    Can’t be going around making those lip babies! Hell is too good for ’em.

  9. 9.

    deanosaurus

    September 9, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    What up with the “funding and feeling the sheep” bit?

  10. 10.

    Ripley

    September 9, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    I guess it depends on where you kiss her.

  11. 11.

    Mornington Crescent

    September 9, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    Somebody tell that signmaker get over his ex-wife already.

  12. 12.

    Kali's Little Sister

    September 9, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    Oh, you make a good point Sam. Kissing is an unnecessary distraction from all the procreating we are obligated to do now.

    Yup. Every minute spent NOT fertilizing eggs is really a form of murder, isn’t it?

  13. 13.

    AkaDad

    September 9, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    That settles it. I’m kissing boys now.

  14. 14.

    Dreggas

    September 9, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    Kali’s Little Sister Says:

    So now kissing is punishable by eternal damnation.

    Gee, this is a bright, new, happy world they are promising, isn’t it?

    Yeah it is, Guess Jesus is burning in Hell for kissing men too…

  15. 15.

    Noah

    September 9, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    Women hate Sarah Palin!

  16. 16.

    oh really

    September 9, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    Martin Says:

    I don’t get it. I kiss my wife all the time and I like it. Am I going to hell?

    If your wife is a “girl,” you are toast. Thanks for asking. The Debble.

  17. 17.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    September 9, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    That sign worries me, because a very solid, factual argument can be made for the existence of Hell.

  18. 18.

    Hiram Cross

    September 9, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    You left out the best part- it’s located in Blacklick, OH.

    That would make for one hell of a summer festival.

  19. 19.

    The Moar You Know

    September 9, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    There surely is a hell, and it seems to reside in Havens Corners church.

  20. 20.

    pharniel

    September 9, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    the girls in hell totally kiss other girls then they both put out.

    it’s not like there’s much to do in the cornfields.

    and when it ices over, wow, mid-west farmer’s daughters are the bestest.

    especially the ‘good girls’

    they like the wierd stuff.

  21. 21.

    r€nato

    September 9, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    if the fundie mentalists are NOT in hell, I am so there.

    doubly so if that’s where the hot girl-on-girl action is for all eternity.

  22. 22.

    SGEW

    September 9, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    So if I’ve kissed a girl, I’m going to go to hell? I guess I might as well go kill a couple thousand people, as the punishment will be the same. . . .

    Deterrence. You’re doing it wrong.

  23. 23.

    jrg

    September 9, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    You think that church sign is moronic? Check out McCain’s response to Biden pointing out that social cons are against stem cell research.

    The GOP, ladies and gentlemen… The GOP.

  24. 24.

    NonyNony

    September 9, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Yeah it is, Guess Jesus is burning in Hell for kissing men too…

    The sign specifically says that kissing GIRLS sends you to Hell.

    Kissing men is clearly fine.

    So I guess men need to be gay and women need to be straight?

    I’m not sure how that would work…

  25. 25.

    Hedley Lamarr

    September 9, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    I thought the natural progression was “getting to third base”, not “I went to hell”

  26. 26.

    redbeardjim

    September 9, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    I thought the natural progression was “getting to third base”, not “I went to hell”

    “And he’s out! No wait, safe, safe at third…”

  27. 27.

    Josh

    September 9, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    SGEW…That reminds me of a fundy woman I once spoke with, who after saying that Jesus declared to even lust after a woman is the same as committing adultery, I asked Then why don’t you just go ahead and have sex with her, if the punishment’s the same. Heehee, that pissed her off.

  28. 28.

    Scrutinizer

    September 9, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    hat reminds me of a fundy woman I once spoke with, who after saying that Jesus declared to even lust after a woman is the same as committing adultery, I asked Then why don’t you just go ahead and have sex with her, if the punishment’s the same.

    Strangely enough, that was my first wife’s position on extramarital sex. “Well, I lusted after him, so…”

    Made sense to me.

  29. 29.

    Xanthippas

    September 9, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    When I saw this yesterday, I wondered if anyone who doesn’t know the song was going to be really confused by it.

    Yeah, me. And I had to do way too much “research” (as in following links for once) to figure it out. And of course I had to watch the video…twice. Thanks for a wasted 15 minutes.

  30. 30.

    bago

    September 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    I for one welcome our girl kissing hellion overlords.

  31. 31.

    Jess

    September 9, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    I did once see a church sign I liked–a message from God saying “Remember what I said about loving one another? I meant it.”

    Wish more of those Christianists had seen it too…

  32. 32.

    AnneLaurie

    September 9, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    I did once see a church sign I liked—a message from God saying “Remember what I said about loving one another? I meant it.”

    That’s why the Respectable People crucified that rabble-rousing, uppity Jesus fella — all His filthy sex talk about ‘love’ and ‘compassion’ and ‘do unto others’ just got on their nerves. If God wants respect from the RPs, He needs to confine himself to talking about ‘smiting’ like a respectable deity should!

  33. 33.

    Badtux

    September 9, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    I kissed a girl and I liked it, but no pastor’s invisible demon took me to an imaginary land under the sea.

    Y’know, we have a name for folks who say they hear stuff being whispered in their ear by an invisible imaginary friend and that this invisible friend wants you to do this, that, or the other. That name is “fuckin’ nuts!”. Look, I worship the Great Penguin Tux, He who laid the egg of the universe and now wants our worship on every Monday via the Sacrament of the Herring conducted at His ice cathedrals (which double as ice-skating rinks the other six days of the week). But I understand that the Great Penguin is imaginary. I understand that I made him up. And if the Great Penguin tells me that everybody who kisses a girl goes to Hell, Michigan, to be flogged for eternity with limp herring by His crack penguin army, I don’t start warning people against kissing girls. I congratulate myself on my fertile imagination.

    Imaginary friends are for folks who don’t have real ones. Just sayin’.

    – Badtux the Tuxologist Penguin

  34. 34.

    SGEW

    September 9, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    Everybody who kisses a girl goes to Hell, Michigan, to be flogged for eternity with limp herring by His crack penguin army.

    I am . . . intrigued by your spiritual teachings, O Wise One. Do you have any illustrated religious pamphlets I could see?

  35. 35.

    Conservatively Liberal

    September 9, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    I am . . . intrigued by your spiritual teachings, O Wise One. Do you have any illustrated religious pamphlets I could see?

    Penguinology? Sounds intriguing. Does it have anything to do with Linux worship?

  36. 36.

    jake

    September 9, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    Dear Gods of Irony and the Baby Jesus, please let Pastor Allison’s knuckledragging parishioners assume he’s a fruit and throw rocks through his window.

  37. 37.

    cain

    September 9, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    Penguinology? Sounds intriguing. Does it have anything to do with Linux worship?

    With every penguin there is a gnome. :-) Just watch out for KDE, strange things are afoot at the Circle K. Quote from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

    cain

  38. 38.

    Johnny Pez

    September 9, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    Does it have anything to do with Linux worship?

    Linus worship? Boy, Lucy is gonna be pissed.

  39. 39.

    Johnny Pez

    September 9, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    Btw, if Jill Sobule is in Hell, then that’s another point in Hell’s favor.

  40. 40.

    YellowJournalism

    September 10, 2008 at 12:13 am

    Btw, if Jill Sobule is in Hell, then that’s another point in Hell’s favor.

    Unfortunately, this sign has nothing to do with the great Jill Sobule song (and cute video). This has to do with the slightly homophobic one by Katy Perry about girls kissing girls as part of some kind of bar adventure. If you listen to it once, you know what hell is, as you won’t be able to get the piece of crap out of your head.

  41. 41.

    Desert Hussein Rat

    September 10, 2008 at 12:28 am

    By the way, John, if you hadn’t linked to the story, I’d have been convinced that this was from the Church Sign Generator.

  42. 42.

    Desert Hussein Rat

    September 10, 2008 at 12:29 am

    Desert Hussein Rat Says:

    By the way, Michael, if you hadn’t linked to the story, I’d have been convinced that this was from the Church Sign Generator.

    Fixed.

    I’m a bad person.

  43. 43.

    YellowJournalism

    September 10, 2008 at 12:50 am

    That site is the best!

  44. 44.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    September 10, 2008 at 1:22 am

    There really is a town of Hell, Michigan. I hear it’s quite the place to spend Halloween.

  45. 45.

    AnneLaurie

    September 10, 2008 at 1:44 am

    There really is a town of Hell, Michigan….

    … also a town called Climax, and one that was Intercourse until they re-named it. When I moved to The Big Mitten 30 years ago, one of the native-born signifiers (along with calling tourists “fudgies”) was the highway joke “You *can* get to Climax from Intercourse, but you have to go through Hell first!”

  46. 46.

    Joe

    September 10, 2008 at 2:01 am

    If God were such a fucking stuck-up asshole as Christians portray him to be, then I don’t want to go to Heaven.

  47. 47.

    Richardson

    September 10, 2008 at 2:14 am

    So Hell is going to be filled with girls kissing girls? And here I was banking on my 76 virgins in Heaven. I guess it’s a win/win either way now.

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