09
Jun
OMG, NOT THE VIRGINS
Via the comments, one of the greats in the annals of right-wing nonsense:
An Obama presidency would signal the final salvo by the Left in the culture wars. Obama’s advance troops have already taken over our college campuses, have bound and gagged our conservative professors, have ravished our virgins, have pillaged our stores of wisdom, and have ensconced themselves in the thrones of power in deans’, presidents’ and department heads’ offices.The victory cry is heard across the land in the cheers of Obama’s constituency on college campuses.
This has been going on under the very noses of the Republicans.
A lot is going on under your nose when your head is up your ass. I really have nothing to add to this piece, as it speaks for itself, but I will say this- we quite clearly have an early front-runner for this year’s Golden Wingnut Awards.
JGabriel
John Cole:
And, one presumes, even more would go over their heads.
.
joe
It’s hauntingly beautiful, in its own special way.
srv
Well, they were already wearing wetsuits, so we thought we’d oblige.
joe
im n yr storz, pilgin yr wizdm.
cleek
virgins?!?
i donated big money to Obama, but all I got was a lousy T-shirt!
wasabi gasp
Err…isn’t that the screenplay from Animal House?
cleek
gotta read the comments on that one.
people actually take that shit seriously.
Genine
All I have to say is… Wow.
That is all.
GSD
At least the airport restroom stalls and park rest areas a still a safe redoubt for discriminating, rock ribbed conservative Republicans.
-GSD
Andrew J. Lazarus
That’s the problem with Negroes, you know.
Angela
Wow, those right-wingers are whinin’ and playing the victim. Hope they save some up for post-election time.
Jack H.
Wow. That was like Peggy Noonan on acid.
w vincentz
Joe,
Could you please put that into one of the languages spoken on Earth? Speaking as you did only makes the Earthlings confused as they don’t understand Trualfumandese.
And also, some are very suspicious that “aliens” have infiltrated. No further need to cause alarm.
Look at John C’s intro. Many haven’t any concept of “virgins” either.
Let’s not make anyone more desparate (right wing nuts), nor
angry. Look at what they think of a ” 1/2 black man running for the presidency. Think of how they’d react to a Traulfumandarian if they knew we were really here.
Peace. Out. Numffaa, numffaa.
AnotherBruce
Culture warriors of the left, gird your loins! Victory is ours!
Really I just wanted to say. “Gird your loins!”
AkaDad
Now I know why Cole volunteered for Obama. He did it all for the virgins.
handy
That was dumb.
DougJ
have ravished our virgins
Someone fucked Ross Douthat?
Snarki, child of Loki
which took all of 3 femtoseconds, BUT the services of a world-class electron microscope to locate.
SpotWeld
Considering the fact that conservatives have been making the act of being a college professor a punishable offense for years now… why would any conservative want to be a college professor. Especailly when they can join a think tank and publish books with little pictures of Hitler on them.
Incertus
I’ve spent the better part of the last 14 years on college campuses all around the country, and never saw any virgin ravishing going on. I’m starting to think I got ripped for all those student loans.
Warren Terra
Well, Yglesias kind of took him to the woodshed today, but the only intercourse was the transmission of ideas.
nightjar
I was there when the campus culture wars began in the sixties, and if there were any virgins then, I couldn’t find one. In fact, as a snot nose freshman, I myself was a ravished virgin unto the bespectacled ladies of higher learning.
lilly Von Schtupp
It’s twue! It’s twue!
The Moar You Know
So in plowing almost every chick in my dorm I wasn’t a manslut, I was a…I was a culture warrior! Who knew?
God, college was awesome. This woman’s article takes me back. Ravishing all and sundry was the order of the day.
But she’s butthurt about Republicans losing academia? Honey, that ship sailed around the year I was born, and I’m no longer young by anybody’s standards. Except McCain’s, he’s older than transistors.
DougJ
And I seriously doubt that even the Obama campaign has enough money to get many of the College Republicans laid. Even if they did, that large a wire transfer would be sure to catch the FBI’s attention.
We all saw what happened with Eliot Spitzer.
jon
Did this person really expect to find virgins at UGA?
(ducking Dawg fans)
b. hussein canuckistani
Watch out! Those hippies and their rock-and-roll “music” are going to wreck everything!
Crusty Dem
Seriously? If she’s an example of the virgins, I’m pretty sure that she (and K Lo) will remain completely pure.
JGabriel
Mary Grabar:
Some serious projection going here. I and, as far as I know, most liberal men far prefer experience.
The thing is, I can’t quite figure out what exactly Grabar is projecting. Is she deprived? Or is that she likes’em deprived?
(P.S. I don’t think I’m being misogynist here, but if I am, please forgive me. As a defense attorney would say, Grabar did open the door.)
.
AnneLaurie
Ah, Mary Grabar. She has been highlighted at Sadly, No! a number of times because she’s a reliable source of unfiltered fReichtard Grievance Collection. The Obama advance troops have left Grabar unbound, ungagged, unravished, unpillaged, and unesconced—the bounders. If Mary is up to her usual standards, this will turn out to be all the fault of the feminists, who serve the same role in Grabar’s worldview as the neighbor’s dog did for David ‘Son of Sam’ Berkowitz.
Dreggas
Then why the hell is Glen Reynolds still talking?
Dreggas
Where all the white women at?
jake
Dude, I saw this in the other thread and thought it was a joke.
1. LOLZ! N UR DREAMZ!
2. I thought all liberul “men” were homogirlykw33rs so who exactly does she think is doing the ravishing? Can’t be the lesbians, the so-cons have all the dildoes.
Dreggas
also remember foley ran the congressional paige de-virginizing program.
Tsulagi
I think someone feels left out. Or spending way too much time on wishful thinking.
jake
Oh, THAT Mary Grabar.
Bwhahahaha!
Whoo! Ow, my sides.
cbear
Hey Mary——Grabar your ankles and brace yourself….here’s comes the Obama-Train.
(sorry, that was just too easy)
DFD
Thank jeebus the evil lefty panty barons weren’t able to steal my virginity. Twas lost before I went to college!
cbear
TownHall.com—-the hanging curveball of gooper blogs.
The Other Steve
I demand to know why I didn’t get any of the virgins.
The Moar You Know
My bad. But look, you don’t have to dig the tunnel to enjoy riding the subway, amirite?
Conservatively Liberal
Fixed.
With all of the Republican men hanging out in the restrooms, someone had to do it.
Shygetz
Republican virgins are really not worth ravaging, as they tend to be involuntary virgins.
(ducking Dawg fans)
Jealous, are you? If you’ve seen the UGA student body, I don’t blame you.
Alex
Are you sure that’s not just a well placed satire?
RSA
Holy crap, that was a seriously unhinged column. From Obama to liberalism on college campuses, then to the decline of scholarship in English literature, then to a rebuttal of a two-year-old email from one of her professors when she was a Ph.D. student. I’m surprised she didn’t end with a series of complaints about the side-effects of the meds her therapist has prescribed for her.
grumpy realist
Um, yeah….and what does one want to bet that Miss Graber falls asleep each night with images of The Sheik running through her dreams? (Although redone with Valentino in, ahem, a slightly darker hue….)
Lady, you’re projecting so much you should work in Hollywood.
Tzal
Crap, that link is broke. Here is a website with the shot I’m talking about. You’ll be able to find it:
http://listoftheday.blogspot.c.....f-day.html
dr. bloor
Oh, THAT Mary Grabar.
Contact me at marygrabar@marygrabar.com for public speaking engagements, writing workshops for your group or business, and writing consultation.
Bwhahahaha!
He had been muscular in a previous life, but now his waist competed with his chest in a girth contest and started to inch over his belt. It was like dough rising under the cover of a pink Harley t-shirt. He had long hair in the back, short in the front, with a beard closely trimmed to ornament and frame. His mirrored sunglasses reflected back the pavement and my own curious look.
Whoo! Ow, my sides.
It’s like Jackie Collins meets Borat.
Conservatively Liberal
Maybe she is upset because she was left out of the ‘ravishing’?
UnkyT
Liberal arts 101: Virgin Ravashing
Liberal arts 201: Forced Abortionizing
Liberal arts 301: Advanced Terrorist Coddling
flavortext
Wingnut rhetoric: more projection than an IMAX theatre!
loquacious mute
Saucy Wench. I bet she got off on that one. Maybe I’ll send her a copy of Mandingo. That’ll gird her loins.
Conservatively Liberal
With the guys, ‘gird the loins’ could be taken as a compliment. Such as ‘with loins like that, no wonder you need girders for support! ’
With the gals, I don’t think it would be taken as a compliment. Comparisons to the ‘chunnel’ come to mind. ;)
Delia
Um, I believe Ann Coulter has first dubs on all the leftovers.
drag0n
Wow, That is classic! John, you blew my mind.
El Doh
Isn’t that the ultimate chastity belt though? I mean, what orifice is left available?
[Note: Link may be NSFW. YHBW. HAND.]
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
John Cole,
My god, the jokes just write themselves.
Fish + Barrel = Shoot
This post + commentary are epic win. You should have it bronzed and hung on a wall somewhere as a warning to wingnuts everywhere.
Beej
How many times do you suppose Mary Grabar has been turned down for a faculty position at a college? Do you suppose it ever occurred to her that the quality of her scholarship might have had something to do with it? Naaaaaaa. Had to be her politics.
By Grabar’s Hammer, By the Sons of Worvan, You Will Be Avenged! | Blog of the Moderate Left
[...] (Via John Cole) [...]
Joshua Norton
Teh Stupid, It Burns!
Her little rant sounds curiously similar to Jonah Goldberg’s synapse misfires about “Liberal Fascists”.
cbear
This could explain why the male College Republicans are always turning to their brethren for that singular experience.
loquacious mute
TownHall = wingnut porn
Damn! I picked a bad time to quick smoking
myiq2xu
Brings back memories of Saturday nights back on the old cellblock, doesn’t it?
MAX HATS
What with all the suicide bombings and the Obamination, virginity has never been in higher demand.
Kiril
Well, there’s why Vitter needs hookers and Foley needs pages and Craig needs bathrooms—the dang Democrats took all the virgins!
Conservatively Liberal
I think it’s so sweet that you had to let cbear know that you are thinking fond thoughts of the times in prison he played hide the salami with you.
Sad, but at least you have your memories.
Chuck Butcher
A Phd in English? Somebody wasted their money.
Barack Obama
Obama’s advance troops… have ravished our virgins
Where all da white women at??
Blue Raven
She’s depraved on account she’s deprived.
And boy, did I miss the ravishment part of the culture wars. I gave my virginity to a moderate Republican (this was 1986; sane Republicans were easier to find then). Or does it count now that we’re both liberals?
cbear
CL-
What happened between me and myiqey in the big house before the primary season is none of your beeswax, dude.
I’ll only say this—It was dark. It was dangerous. It was lonely. We were much younger men then. I was a hardened con. He was a scared new fish. Nature took its course.
We’re not gay.
End of story.
I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Myiq—STFU.
We’re back in the real world now.
I’m sorry.
Try to go on with your life.
Stop stalking me.
I’m not gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Conservatively Liberal
Gotcha cbear. Say no more. New leaf and all that. ;)
Maybe Mikey’s goats escaped from the pen (not that I’d blame them), and now he’s wandering around aimlessly trying to find them. Still, what a sad sight.
cbear
Best.Short.Political.Film.Ever.
roflmao
Conservatively Liberal
That is one unlucky Republican, one lucky Democrat and one smart lady!
Score one for the Democrats! ;)
Very funny cbear! Blue Balls indeed…lol
scarshapedstar
Somebody administer a rape test to Ben Shapiro and Steven Den Beste, stat…
Notorious P.A.T.
Leaving the poor, deprived conservatives with nothing but the government, the military, the judiciary, the corporate world, and the church. For shame!
Notorious P.A.T.
I’ll take whatever I can get.
4tehlulz
Man, they are obsessed with teh gay aren’t they?
RSA
There’s a lot of bitterness implicit in her statement that Obama is an affirmative action candidate.
Scutch
Check this out:
I am writing my dissertation (after returning to school) on Walker Percy, Thomas Pynchon, and Don DeLillo. I am examining their novelistic ‘explanations’ for the Nazi Holocaust in a philosophical context.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/p.....GD6XNVSWQH
pharniel
gay bondage no less.
i think she went to a few of atlantas most notorious parties, hung out on fapchan while getting ripping surly drunk off gin and then said ‘oh shit, i’m due an article for my wingnut welfare, well, maybe i can fap while i write..’
PaulW
Can someone please tell the guy who wrote that whole “Obama Presidency = Raped Virgins” to stop using hyperbole. He’s not good at it. You’re supposed to build up to hyperbole BS, not jump out the starting gate at full volume on the FEAR KNOB OMG DIAL IT TO 11
1!
It’s interesting to watch the Far Right explode over what they can tell are the End Times for their movement. We’ve seen Tom DeLay compare Obama to a Marxist, dragging out a dead horse that hasn’t been of value since the Berlin Wall fell oh and by the way Tom why are we even listening to you? Dear Republicans: Communism died, remember? If there are any ‘Communists’ left it’s because they switched over to a more durable -ism called Totalitarianism (SEE China and Cuba). There’s an entire generation that’s been born after the 80s for whom the whole Cold War is a history book, and the generation before them (mine, the Gen Xers) that watched it die and for whom the whole Marxist insult is, well, stupid.
Lee
This is why I read Balloon Juice.
I also would like to know where the )(@*)#(*#() my virgins are!
jake
Yea verily. Hot babes shall shun thee like a mangy dog, thy only comforts Rosy Palm and a bag full of Cheetos.
Dems., 2:52
Bruce Moomaw
Personally, I wasn’t aware there were that many virgins left in the country to ravish. As for leftists “pillaging our stores of wisdom”, I can’t help thinking of Abe Lincoln’s final telegram to Gen. McClellan: “If you don’t want to use the Army, I should like to borrow it for a while.”
Sebastian Dangerfield
Goddammit, I donated and even made some calls for the Obama campaign, and I have neither a tenured chair nor a ravished virgin to show for it. I want my money back.
Balakirev
Damn. Guess this means the big Saturday night orgy and sacrifice gig is off til further notice, huh?
4tehlulz
I think fchan is more her speed.
Groove
Damn. How did I miss out on my Affirmative Action white woman?
jrg
Wow. This passes as a coherent article? There is almost nothing in this piece that could pass as a reasoned argument. I was writing better than this in high school, and Grabar has a PhD (in liberal arts, no less).
I suppose we’ll soon see college students walking around with purple heart band-aids like Republicans did to John Kerry in 2004.
asl
“Obama’s Presidency: Victory in the Culture Wars”
I stopped at that title and called it sweet victory. I celebrated by rolling a smoke and cranking Jethro Tull’s Bungle in the Jungle. The moment was bliss until my wife got home from shopping and asked me what the hell I was up to.
Punchy
oxymoron alert…
TheFountainHead
Hahaha, man, when did she go to college? There aren’t virgins in colleges! That’s what High School is for!
rachel
(cough) Illiberal arts, actually: she specialized in intolerance with a minor in jingoism.
Punchy
I understand absolutely none of any of this, aside from the Sadly, No ref.
bago
Silly Btards.
jibeaux
1. Take the tedious, done-to-death, culture war ideas from the 1960s that make everyone under 60 want to choke everyone over 60.
2. Blame the culture war on a 46-year-old man.
3. ?????
4. VICTORY!
My husband is one of those Democrats who relies on profound pessimism for a coping mechanism. He must believe that McCain will be president until the evidence is overwhelming, in order to survive the campaign season. He caught Lindsey Graham on the radio talking about how Barack Obama is going to raise your taxes and that will hurt the economy. Needless to say, witnessing what passes for the Republicans’ “A” game is making it really hard for him to continue to maintain the illusion of a McCain victory. Which, paradoxically, he hates, for ruining his coping mechanism.
So anyway, I can’t send him this link, is what I’m saying.
dnA
So messed up.
Napoleon
OMG an ex-President and the Charmin bears are Islamo-Fascist!
http://www.imperfectunion.com/
MarkC
As a department head at a “liberal university” all I can say is if anyone can entertain the idea that higher education is anything but plural in its orientations, that person clearly has not been near a university in ages. It is true that faculty are self-selecting in terms of certain values, such as “free speech is worthwhile” and “my scholarship is more valuable than what a career in corporate law would provide me”. Aside from that, however, today’s campus is a diverse and politically contentious place. Which is the soil you want if you want new ideas to grow.
This comment, by contrast, exhibits all the hallmarks of Stalinist disinformation. It groups together all who resist its agenda as part of a conspiracy. It dehumanizes the enemy, reducing their motives to the selfish or the sub-human. And it combines fear-mongering and ridicule to try to motivate its perceived allies.
Free market of ideas versus propaganda and an implied need for state control over education. It is pretty clear that today’s right wing is a vestige of the Cold War, the soldier in the jungle who never heard about the truce.
Bill D.
John, it’s more like ‘in the anals of right-wing nonsense’. As in having the head very firmly and enthusiastically planted where the sun don’t shine.
THE LEFT
Final salvo? (Al Pacino voice) I’m just getting WARMED UP!
Balakirev
Late breaking news:
They’ve found a virgin attending a college somewhere in Utah. If we can locate her (assuming it’s her, and not him), the sacrifice this weekend is ON!
jake
Three cheers for the conservative professors who edjumacated this woman.
Yeah, I know she’s ESL but she’s also a PhD in English.
zoe from pittsburgh
The GOOPers are just EXTRA nervous because so many young people—including young republicans—are supporting Obama.
Their party has a very shaky future if they can’t scare enough young people to become republicans because of fear of gays/muslims/immigrants. Not to mention that they’re running a candidate that embodies old Republicanism. They’d at least have half a chance of capturing some of the youth vote if they were running Romney. But at age 20 people who are 40 seem “old” so imagine how ancient McCain must seem!
Bubblegum Tate
Ha! Now that is fuckin’ funny.
I don’t remember doing the ol’ bound-n-gag routine with any profs when I was in college, and I’m pretty none of the ravaging I was involved with included virgins. But then again, college is such a haze, what with me shooting up coke and snorting pot and performing abortions in the name of hating America….
Liz
Admittedly, a liberal did ravish my virginity back in the day, but I’d already voted for Bill Clinton anyway.
DougJ
She left out the wetsuits.
MNPundit
...and they loved every second of it.
True story.
benthos
The cool thing is that the original author, a wingnut with a Ph.D. in English, included this, a little further down:
“So when a war hero enters, most college students great him with a collective shrug.”
Oops.
TekTami78
I wanted to leave a comment on that insipid page, or leave an email for the author telling her what an intolerable shrew she was for writing such crap and attempting to disguise it as a critique of modern American colleges, but there was no way in hell that I was signing up for the privledge!
One thing did make me laugh though. I noticed that the ‘author’ seems to not have a life at all outside of her college campus – unless you count surrounding herself with other equally as delusional wingnuts. Hopefully that means we can keep her twisted views from spreading…
Sour Kraut
But then again, college is such a haze, what with me shooting up coke and snorting pot and performing abortions in the name of hating America…
And the flag-burning, Bubblegum. Don’t forget the flag-burning.
thifixx
Grabar’s shtick is that she can’t find a tenure-track job in an English Department. According to her, this is because she’s conservative, and English departments are full of liberals who only read books by teh gays and teh ISLAMOFASCISTS
All of her columns are essentially riffs on How the Once-proud Academy Failed Her.
Her stalled career has nothing to do—nothing at all—with the fact that she’s a mediocre academic at in a third-tier PhD program. Nothing at all.
She’s my favorite wingnut, and I pray that the Sadly, No guys get a hold of this one…
PlusDistance
...have ravished our virgins…
Wait…those were YOUR virgins? Damn!
People, I keep saying this…If you’re going to live on campus, LABEL YOUR VIRGINS, preferably with a permanent marker.
Aaron
I’m a Republican… we have virgins??? Guess I had my head up my ass at that meeting.
As for critiquing college, I’m all for it. After all, they over-charge for a little pretend intellectualism and produce people like John Cole’s Balloon Juice readers.