Vox’s Matt Yglesias discovers fatherhood and the fact that even in 2015, dads with babies are still seen as some amazing force of social good (compared with moms with babies, who are just Doing Their Jobs) among other observations.
I was prepared to receive over-the-top praise from random strangers that I am a “good dad,” based on doing totally normal parenting things: this is a fatherhood cliché by now.
But on some level I thought maybe it wouldn’t actually happen. I wasn’t going to the mall in some flyover country suburb, after all. Surely in the progressive, forward-thinking bastion of Logan Circle, people would think that a man taking adequate care of a baby was no more remarkable than a woman doing the same. This is not the case. I am reliably informed by several people that I am a great dad based, essentially, on my ability to take possession of an infant for several hours and not kill him.
Well, the truth is I do feel pretty great about it. But my wife does not report any similar praise, and she doesn’t kill the baby either. She even feeds him with milk created by her own body!
One possible explanation here is that the praise is strategic. It’s not so much the soft bigotry of low expectations as a deliberate effort to offer positive reenforcement. Maybe it even works? It’s nice to hear people saying nice things about you.
I mean, Zandardad dragged myself and my siblings all over the place on weekends when Zandarmom was doing nursing shifts at the local hospital when I was young, and I don’t recall anyone coming up to him and saying “Wow, you’re Dad of the Year!” or anything. Of course, this was the early 80’s and Zandardad would also run by the arcade in the mall too, so that was pretty awesome. But yeah, Dad helped raise us too and I didn’t think it was weird.
My younger brother has a new baby too, and he’s more than happy to take care of the little guy. He also reports that he gets praise from people, but that may be the fact that anyone who knows my brother never figured him for a dad type and really is rather surprised that the kid isn’t covered in broken glass and velociraptor bites.
Maybe it’s Yggy’s beard. And little Jose is awfully cute. I dunno, I have no little ones myself.
So how about it, Assembled Parents of the Commentariat? Are dads with babies really given trophies for not accidentally consuming their kids in flames?
debbie
Maybe he’s jealous of all the trophies his kids will get for just showing up.
(“Dragged me,” not myself)
Shantanu Saha
As a teacher, my summers are free from work during the day. So I’ve spent the last four summers taking care of my son almost exclusively while my wife works, taking him to the park, shopping, and to various attractions (pools, museums, zoos, etc.) to keep him entertained. Not once in over four years have I gotten complimented by random strangers for being a good dad. By and large the people who DO come up to me tell me how cute and/or precocious HE is, but no praise of me being a “good dad” just for being there.
I guess I’m just the (somewhat dark-skinned apparently unemployed) guy dragging the cute kid around.
So I do think that it is racial and socio-economic stereotypes at play here. If you’re a white-skinned, obviously middle- or upper-class male out and about with young kids during weekdays, you’re a “great dad” because you’re taking the time to care for your kids instead of back at the office plotting to steal pennies from paupers to line your bathtub with gold. If you don’t belong to one of these privileged groups, if you’re male and out with a kid during a weekday, you’re a loser who is with a kid (check to see if the kid looks like him because he may be a kidnapper) because you have nothing better to do.
NonyNony
Sometimes.
See here’s the thing – if you look like you’re a “part time dad” then you get these kinds of comments – having your kids out at the park on a weekend, taking your kids to the Zoo without Mom being around, going out to see a kids movie with just the kid and no mom present, etc. In those circumstances you get the comments.
On the other hand – if you look like you’re a “full time dad” then you get a different sort of reaction. Mostly stink-eye. Try taking a kid to the park in the middle of a workday when there are stay-at-home moms present and the kind of looks you get are very judgmental. The kind of “why don’t you have a job/where’s his mother” sorts of looks. A friend of mine is a stay at home dad and he’s always getting rude reactions – and sometimes comments! – from stay at home moms when he’s out with his kids.
I thought it might just be him (because to be fair he’s the only stay at home dad I know) until last summer – I was off for the summer and so I took on the role of “stay at home dad” for a few months. Holy shit are some suburban stay at home moms weirdly judgmental! I think they think that a stay at home dad is some kind of pedophile and they’re wondering if they should be calling the cops or not.
OzarkHillbilly
I never got the “You are such a good father” treatment. and I dragged my sons everywhere from Alabama to Arizona,and Minnesota to Mexico, as we went caving and fishing and floating and camping and….
The closest I ever got was being called a “deadbeat father” on any of the many instances my ex-wife didn’t make a payment she was responsible for making. In those days (early 90s) it was very fashionable to beat up on fathers for not paying for this or that and people were quick to jump on that wagon. I once got into an argument with a father who sat on the Parochial school’s governing board about my sons’ tuition payments that were about halfway behind. He called me every name in the book, and barely listened to any thing I said. Called me back the next day 7 kinds of apologetic. Didn’t really matter. I still had to pay her half to keep my sons from getting kicked out of school.
DanF
I spent a ton of time at the park with my kids (early 2000’s), and don’t think it was ever a big deal to anyone but my kids (we live in a liberal, Midwest college town). Some older-than-me women would occasionally comment that I was “a good dad” but it was far from even a monthly occurrence. Certainly none of the mom’s at the park never voiced anything, and the other dads also felt like it was normal. I don’t recall the dominant feeling as one of being self-conscious about it at all.
So maybe a generational thing? My mother always comments upon how much time my brothers and I spend/spent with our kids. We wouldn’t have it any other way, but it definitely seems unusual to her – even if she does see it as a positive thing.
rikyrah
Good Morning, Everyone :)
Kay
@NonyNony:
That’s interesting because I do think my husband got a lot of attention for taking care of our kids. I never resented it, but I thought the difference was really obvious.
I thought part of it was he can’t sit still himself so he was always out with them. They were always in motion- strollers, car seats, bike seats, the little kid carrier you tow with a bike, wagons. I have so many memories of our kids craning their neck around looking at me as they recede into the distance :)
DanF
@NonyNony: My job has very flexible hours, and the vibe is definitely different in the weekday, but I don’t recall it being bad. SO could just be the city I live in. University towns have their own culture.
Tenzil Kem
Our daughter was born when I was in grad school, and my wife travels a lot for work so I have done and continue to do a lot of solo parenting. And, yes, you get an enormous, unearned amount of credit from complete strangers, especially older ones. I mean, take your four-year-old daughter to a restaurant and you get royal treatment from the moment you walk in the door. It’s insane, and undeserved, and when mom’s away on a nine-day work trip I absolutely take as much advantage of it as I possible can.
Belafon
My dad couldn’t work when I was a kid and so he was at home. When Mr. Mom came out, my siblings and I didn’t really see anything special about it.
Gin & Tonic
Self-centered yuppie is self-centered. Film at 11.
Tyler Forrest
We have a 1 year old daughter that I take care of durring the day. I can report the exact phenomenon that yglesis is writing about. It is insane how often I get praised in public just for being with the kid solo. I once flew alone with her to meet up with her mom at business conference and received effusive praise and help the whole time. I’ve asked a lot of women if they had that same experience when traveling solo with their kids, they all said no. In fact most of them noticed stink eye then praise.
It really is supper weird. I hope the boys of my daughters generation are held to a higher standard.
Emma
And, oy, grandmothers. “Isn’t my son a great father? He takes his kids to the park every Saturday so his wife can run the errands.” (That’s straight from the mouth of one related to me, who I used to think had better sense). I feel like going all Chris Rock on them. “So we should give him a cookie?”
Though I will say that maybe it’s a Latin thing. Men aren’t supposed to be the caretakers in our culture. Though that is slowly changing.
K488
When my now 21 year old son was a baby I’d regularly be identified as his grandpa when taking him into the grocery store. I remember one exchange that went “You his grandpa?” “Nope, his dad.” “But you’re old enough to be his grandpa, right?” I was 41. In rural Michigan, I suppose I was.
WereBear
@NonyNony: On discussion boards, I see a lot of defensiveness from SAHM (Stay at Home Moms) who are probably not as enthused as they feel pressured to show.
There’s some good books out on the incredible mom pressure that is popular in many circles — you have to grow the apples yourself and cold-press them to give the child a glass of juice, stuff like that. Lots of emphasis that Momhood is this sacred awesome thing and the mother must be willing to sacrifice everything for her children.
I see it as insidious backlash.
Richard Mayhew
@DanF: Same here, I’ve had the experience of staying home with my toddler daughter several years ago for a good amount of time due to a strange set of circumstances. At the 10:30 library lap-sit, I initially got a few “Who are you” but after the 5 or 6 weeks in a row, I was part of the Mom group…. and even now, with a 3 and a 6 year old, if I am at the super market with my younger kid, I get the “ohhh… dad’s day out…. he is adorable….” and if I was single, I would so use my son as a wingman as he has done that accidentally a few times in his normal toddler style, and gave me perfect openings if I was inclined to use those openings.
Wayne
When my daughter was 15 months old I took her Christmas shopping with me. It was like having a pass to the front of the line. Between a stinking cute kid and Dad “helping Mom out”, etc, b.s. etc, it was awesome.
Kay
@WereBear:
I think the “safety” thing can be really oppressive. I’m not following them around at the park and I don’t care if everyone else is clambering up the slide steps behind them. My God, they’ll be fine without constant directions on how to do things. Back off, adults.
Lolis
I think it is bigotry of low expectations. I had a male roommate for awhile. He unloaded the dishwasher once and never again. I finally realized it was because I didn’t give him praise for doing it, and the reason I didn’t is because he lived there and should do it. I noticed he would make a big deal out of any little thing he did and expect me to praise him. He was mainly willing to do “guy” things like managing the trash. Thankfully he moved out, and I have a much better roommate.
Burt Hutt
@Tyler Forrest: I am the stay at home parent for our family and I used to get praise for the kids not dying. But more than that was the help.
People would bend over backward to help open doors for our twin stroller. Or when I was at airports with them I would get non-stop offers of assistance (and I’m not that good looking).
I notice that women in similar predicaments rarely get that kind of help, so I started offering to help overloaded mothers. In a self-centered way I it opened my eyes to identifying opportunities to help other people – and I don’t think I would have recognized them without that experience.
buskertype
you just reminded me of when I was a kid and my mom worked night shifts at the hospital. My dad was a full-time farmer at the time (kind of the country version of a stay-at-home dad) and I used to love getting up before dark to ride in to town with my dad and sister to pick her up. We lived 1.5 miles at the end of a rutted dirt road, so driving to town meant taking an old pickup truck out to the end of the road, and then getting in a car to drive to town. The truck wasn’t safe to drive on public roads, and the car wasn’t able to make it up to our house. thanks for that memory.
Randy P
It’s with every aspect of parenting. With elementary school events like the PTA or Girl Scout meetings this was a running joke in our house because these kinds of comments would happen pretty reliably.
I bring the kids: “Oh, did you buy those Oreo cookies yourself? You’re such an involved Dad!”
She brings the kids: “Those ARE home-made cookies, right? <sniff> Hmm, I see you didn’t use organic free-range chocolate chips. <poke, poke> Some of them are a little overdone too, I see.”
(This was the early 90s for reference)
Betty Cracker
My husband was a musician when our now-teenager was born, and I had a more than full-time day job, so he was in charge of the kiddo all day, and yes, he did get attention for routine parenting. But there were also hassles he encountered that a woman wouldn’t face, such as the lack of diaper changing tables in the men’s room.
The most annoying thing about our situation that we both dealt with were suggestions from acquaintances and some family members that there was something weird or unseemly about a man taking care of a baby while his wife earned the lion’s share of the family income. We had to tell folks to mind their own damn business more than once. I’d like to think things are different a decade and a half later, but maybe they aren’t…
Crusty Dem
Mostly true. Though the reaction is mostly to people seeing that you actually care about your child and they love you back. I tend to think it reflects on people’s relationship to their own father. Those who “wow” easiest generally had a distant, indifferent father.
The worst are actually preschool/school teachers. I tell my wife that if we ever have any problems that will inconvienence a teacher (sick kid, clothing issue, discipline, or other) to let me take care of it. She gets judgment, I get support. It’s ridiculous and unfair, but you have to roll with it
Just Some Fuckhead
I’ve decided I hate hate hate hate Matt Yglesias. He’s like the David Brooks of the left.
different-church-lady
@NonyNony:
This reminds me of a pair of opposing reactions I got a few years ago when I was temporarily unable to walk any distances without great pain.
The first few times I went shopping I became familiar with the little electric scooters that stores provide. I noticed that people averted their eyes, like they were pretending I didn’t exist, or didn’t want to be caught staring.
Then after about two weeks of that a friend loaned me a wheelchair. The reactions, even in the same stores, were completely different: people smiled at me and were helpful, wanted to let me cut ahead of them in line.
On the social level our species can be mysterious at best.
Tyler Forrest
@Burt Hutt ya, it’s crazy. I had heard about this phenomenon, but experiencing it is different. I do think the reaction to this shouldn’t be to stop unduly praising and helping dads, it should be to start extending the curtesy to every parent. Whenever it’s possible, people should help and compliment other people. It’s a win-win.
Another weird thing that people do with babies is assume all babies with short hair are boys. By all I mean at least 9 out of 10 people ask me what’s ‘his’ name when the see my daughter. And this is true regardless of what she is wearing. It’s insane.
the Conster
@Lolis:
I hear that sista. Before I finally dropped the hammer and started pointing that attitude out after many years of pissed off silence, my husband always “needed help” with emptying the dishwasher when I was full time at home with 2 little kids. If I asked him to get the laundry from the basement, it was stomp stomp stomp up and down the stairs to make sure I knew about it. I had a lot of stuff going on one weekend and asked him to wash the upstairs bathroom floor because it needed to be done, and this was when I was back working full time. He turned the whole chore into something that took over the entire second floor with all the attendant drama. OMFG, then his secretary said to me in the elevator (we worked in the same building for a while) how great a guy he was because he was so helpful. I was rendered speechless. I guess it never occurred to her that anyone who mentions a chore at work that they did at home, NEVER DOES IT, and guess who has done it the hundreds of other times without it ever occurring to them to tell anyone. That still pisses me off 20 years later.
When I left him home with the kids, he wouldn’t change their diapers or play with them, he kept them alive and waited at the door for me. He turned into a great dad when they go older though – all through their teen years he really stepped up, but man, if I had known then what I know now, I’m not sure I would have gone through with it all.
ribber
Only startling praise I (dad) got was that I took unpaid leave for 2 months when my wife went back to work, so I was fulltime daddying the twins from 4 months to 6 months. People were surprised that I’d take that long that late of unpaid leave. Helped that the economy was slow then, employer was happy to let me. But then twin parenting garners all sorts of disbelieving looks anyway. And I’d take them on the subway.
David Fud
@NonyNony: This. This stay-at-home (lily white) dad gets compliments from those with whim he is at least minimally acquainted and treated like a child predator, even with my kids in tow, at parks and such places where there are no supervisor types. I can’t even imagine what it would be like for a male of color. I was booted from a FB playtime organizing group, even though I was pictured with my kids, for being a “child molestor”. It is quite a bizarre reaction from the hysterical helicopter suburban mom set.
xenos
15 years ago, as I spent a couple years as an at-home Dad with an infant and toddler in Brookline MA I was a social non-entity to the mothers and nannies at the park. It was easier for them to pretend I was not there than to figure out what to do with me.
Most fathers with small children were well into their forties, living in giant houses with wives 15 years younger than they were. fathers in their late 20s or early 30s were just too tack to be acknowledged.
Bobby Thomson
@Belafon: that movie was terrible. There. I said it.
different-church-lady
@xenos:
But that’s the Boston area: we treat everyone like they’re non-entities.
chopper
i never really noticed any looks or comments from moms in either direction raising my kids as a work-at-home dad. then again i was more focused on making sure they didn’t fall off the play structure or what have you.
i’m sure there were some dumb infantalizing eye roll-worthy comments on ‘dads parenting’ that i didn’t notice but who really cares. oh, us poor, poor men, having to deal with a minor stereotype. however will we get over it.
kc
In my observation people tend to lavish praise on fathers for doing … not much.
rk
On a different note my MIL who has mixed race grandkids, but the kids look white got mistaken for their nanny all the time. Cute white kids out with their older nanny/maid. Yup! people do make assumptions.
TooManyJens
Close proximity to ocean water is required to socially advance beyond the 1950s. Trufax.
shawn
It seems to be a flavor of the “being a mother is the HARDEST JOB EVER” stream that never ends
Burt Hutt
@TooManyJens: Exactly. Which is why there is such progressive legislation coming from Virginia, The Carolinas, Georgia, Florida, etc.
Burt Hutt
@Tyler Forrest: Also, too, it shouldn’t take personal experience to inform compassion but sometimes it does. You live your life with the society you have, not the society you wish you had, etc.
j.e.b.
Yep. I once came back to the line in a fast-food joint, having just changed my one-year-old daughter’s diaper, and the woman in line behind my wife started telling the whole restaurant how lucky my wife was.
Of course, then she said something about how smart my wife was to have taught me how to change diapers. It took all the self-control I could muster not to tell her that I’d been the primary caregiver for my daughter’s whole life and had changed a hell of a lot more diapers than my wife had.
Robert M.
As the dad of a 16-month-old kid I’ve definitely been awarded those trophies. Women, mostly (though not exclusively) of the generation before mine, seem especially impressed to see me out in public with my son alone. I get the “oh, you’re such a good dad!” conversational gambit maybe… once a month? Often enough that I’ve lost count, but not so often that it doesn’t catch me off-guard.
But noticing the gender/age aspect of my personal experience has made me wonder if it might be a more-or-less positive way of observing a generational difference–with the unspoken subtext of the conversation not being “You must be a good dad, because your kid’s still alive!” but rather “You must be a good dad, because my husband never would have done that with our kids.”
pacem appellant
@NonyNony: I was a SAHD to my daughter for the first two years of her life. In complete honesty, it was the most depressing time of my life. And not because of daughter, she is a shining star in a dark universe. Connecting with SAHMs was very difficult. Most didn’t want to chat with me in the park. Even at organized events it took a rare mother to befriend me (and to be fair, she is still a good friend!). Praise from gym instructors was kind (they could see how people put an invisible bubble around us), but far from sufficient. Any time I was with a SAHM one-on-one, things were fine. They learned that I wasn’t undressing them with my eyes, I had a consulting business, and my daughter was awesome. But in a group, the assumption was that I was leering at them, I was unemployed, and that my daughter was weird (that last one burned like crazy).
When I went back to full-time work, I started getting happy again. For our second child, I stayed full-time employed. I’m still on anti-depressants from those bleak years, and I wouldn’t wish that isolation on anyone, mother or father.
So yeah, giving praise to a father for not killing their child is a good start. Not treating them like pariahs would be a whole lot better.
ThresherK
@the Conster: (Disclaimer: Married, no kids, not having them.)
My dad’s phrase, when any of us three kids were being recalcitrant like that on doing any minor chore, is
I have had sparing cause to use it on my wife.
chrome agnomen
talk about stereotyping: try being a grandfather and taking the toddlers to the park! i’d occasionally tweak sensibilities by remarking that i didn’t know whose kids they were–i’d just found them.
pacem appellant
@xenos: Just 6 six years ago in the SF Bay Area I experienced the same thing. The experience broke my empathy engine. If you’re not an in-law or blood relative, I couldn’t care less anymore how you struggle with your tots’ sihtty behavior in the park. Your kids mess with my kids, you get an earful about what a terrible parent you are and no appeal to reductio ad Stay-At-Home-Mom will save your sorry arse.
yodecat
“So how about it, Assembled Parents of the Commentariat? Are dads with babies really given trophies for not accidentally consuming their kids in flames?”
Yeah. Pretty much. I’m not sure why.
My youngest son was a beautiful kid with a cloud of curly gold hair. I couldn’t go to the grocery store with him without the ladies rushing up to tell me how curly his hair was. So I taught him to loll his tongue and roll his eyes up so just the whites were showing. It worked really well.
Well, you’re supposed to play with your children, right?
Mojo
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/05/15/how-an-israeli-professor-was-dubbed-the-baby-whisperer/?tid=hp_mm&hpid=z3
Israeli professor Sydney Engelberg has been dubbed the “baby whisperer” over the past week on the Internet, when someone posted a photo online showing him comforting a student’s crying baby while lecturing a class……By Friday morning, the post on Fishbaine’s Facebook page had gotten more than 52,000 likes and had been shared more than 5,000 times. Commenters said: “cost me tears,” “really charming” and “so human!” Then one man wrote: “Not just mothers. I brought my son to his course he was sick. He crawled and enjoying the class and your dad.”
Shantanu Saha
@Betty Cracker: I still see that on occasion. My response is to refuse to patronize establishments that do not have such amenities.
Fabio
I think the praise and paranoia are two sides of the same coin. They both stem from the idea that no male-type human could possibly want to spend time with children voluntarily, could not possibly know what to do with children, and must therefore have ULTERIOR MOTIVES if caught hanging around with the children-type humans. I’m either an adorable lummox or an existential threat.
I get significantly more praise than my wife when I’m solo-parenting in public with my daughter, and almost never am criticized for any parenting decision or for any random toddler behaviors from my daughter. I also get significantly more side-eye when with my daughter and in proximity to other children, because pedophile (obviously).
This plan of always being the one who interacts with teachers at school (@Crusty Dem) when concerns arise, is genius. If I’m to be subjected to the toxic patriarchal stereotypes, I shall take advantage of ALL of the privilege. I’m pretty sure that as a cis-male, I come out ahead in that trade-off.
benw
I took over being stay-at-home dad when my littlest was 20 mo. I’ve gotten both the freeze out and effusive praise as the guy-out-with-my-kid-in-the-middle-of-the-weekday, very similar to what other people have described upthread. One thing I’ve noticed is how much better I’m treated by pediatrician’s or dentist’s offices than my wife was when she was the SAHM. If she was even a few minutes late to an appointment, or didn’t have some form, she would get totally bitched out. If I make it to the office, with the kids, with the kids’ insurance card, generally around the time of the appt, I get the 4-star treatment. General social deference to men, or low expectations for SAHDs?
Bill
This phenomenon has been a pet peeve of mine for years. It’s weirdly offensive to both men and women. “You’re a great Dad,” in response to run of the mill parenting tells Mom’s parenting is their work, while somehow also telling Dad’s that they are inherently parenting deficient. Turns out I’m perfectly capable of raising my kids, which is my shared responsibility with their Mom.
And don’t even get me started about people who’s say: “Oh I see Dad’s babysitting the kids today.” No! No I’m not! I’m their father, not a f-ing babysitter!
In a professional setting this gets a slightly different twist. Working Mom’s are praised to high heaven. (“How DO you do it? Do you have a nanny?”) And yet, being a working Mom is often used as a reason to not advance women. (“She can’t fully commit, she has a family at home.”) Yet being a working Dad is never addressed at all. It’s just assumed that men will sacrifice their family life for career.
My generation (Gen X) seems to be better at this than those who came before us. I expect the Millenials will be better yet. As with many things, the impending fade out of the Boomers is likely to make things better on this front.
Gex
I praise my brother for being a great dad. But that’s more because I know who his parents are and they really had no business being parents.
Hank
The Dad Trophy that surprised me every time I got it was the Your Kids Are So Well Mannered trophy. I trained them to say please and thank you. And this level of etiquette was apparently unprecedented.
Kay
@Bill:
I think so too. It’s moving in the right direction. My 6thh grader broke his arm and had to get a cast, and lots of people at school signed his cast. We went to the physician for a check-up on it and the physician did that horrible thing adults do where he did this exaggerated leering- “are those GIRLS names I see?”
My son said “they’re my friends” like he was explaining social norms to someone from another planet :)
Matt McIrvin
I get a lot of attention at my daughter’s dance studio for being the parent-in-the-waiting-room some days of the week. It’s not unheard of, but I’m certainly in the minority. Women fall all over each other to help me out with her hair, whether or not it’s necessary.
I get out my laptop and look like I’m working most of the time, so there isn’t the “what’s wrong with him?” attitude.
FlyingToaster
HerrDoktor has gotten a lot less of that; perhaps because he’s a 50-ish white guy with the little (now not-so-little) blond girl. He took her to preschool every morning, and I picked her up every afternoon. He’s been taking her out to the playground since she was born, and to the usual round of museums (“Museum of Science”, “Museum of Children”, “Museum of Fish”, “Museum of Art — they won’t let me touch anything why are we going there?”) since she was 3. Also, around here, with a lot of kids at the usual venues it’s about half moms half dads.
Of course, her hair was so short until last year, all of the older-than-us folks thought she was a boy. Even wearing pink leggings.
Oddly, I get praise for taking WarriorGirl to science-subject things. The docents at one science museum (NOT in Boston) were over the moon when I was showing her how to fold different paper shapes to fly up in the air tube.
Matt McIrvin
…Being out with her, I get a little bit of the attention described here, but mostly people remark on how alarmingly cute she is. Which is itself a statement with various possibly troubling overtones, since she’s a very very super-blond white girl. Once somebody tried to drag my wife into a conversation about how it was wonderful to see blond babies around “if you know what I mean”…
Matt McIrvin
@Bill:
I’ve actually had to stop myself from using that phrase when describing what I’m doing. No, it ain’t babysitting, I’m doing the thing I’m normally supposed to do. But attitudes die hard, even when I’m talking to myself.
Lee
Live in North Texas. My daughters are 15 & 18.
I was very active with them as my wife’s work is more 8-5 than mine. I only got a few comments over the years infrequent enough it always caught me off guard. My guess is that there are more active dads around here than normal.
The funny thing is when my wife was able to attend a school, sports, etc event the parent group always made sure to welcome her.
sfHeath
I have gotten those comments, and I thought of it as a Cat Stevens response: oh, you’re spending quality time with your kid, guess you won’t get a heart-rending song written about you after the little one grows up.
Ecks
@Matt McIrvin: We get that all the time too, but I think it’s mostly because the LD is such a flirt when she’s out in public – she smiles and waves and makes faces at random passers by. Waitresses and shop attendants invariable end up goggling over her (she flirts with the women much more than men – not sure why).
As for the original topic, I don’t really get any excessive praise when I take her out – the main difference is that people are instantly 1000% friendlier when you are carting a baby around than if you are on your own. This is the UK, though where the culture evolved around lots of people being crammed into a tiny space, and so has lots of rules about ignoring strangers so as to preserve a modicum of privacy in public. Having a baby with you completely short circuits this, and people will often immediately open up to relatively warm interaction. The only exception to this seems to be toddler play groups, where my wife and I are both roundly ignored by most most of the locals..
Drunken hausfrau
Yes, and daddy comes home and needs a drink… But mommy having a drink makes her a crazy alcoholic!
jame
Short answer to simple question: Yes.