Itinerant Rove-stenographer Ron Fournier, who once emitted a squid cloud of butt-hurt so opaque that Glenn Greenwald called him out for being a petulant crybaby, has written scads of tiresome columns earnestly urging Obama to be more leader-y. But his latest is the Platonic Ideal of a Fournier column, and the header captures the tone perfectly:
If Obama would just “fire himself” — literally or figuratively, doesn’t matter — America would be saved! I don’t pretend to be an objective observer, but isn’t Fournier being a little premature here?
Did Fournier urge George W. Bush to self-impeach after he committed the worst foreign policy blunder in generations, passively watched an American city drown from Air Force One, presided over a global financial meltdown and saw his support shrink to 27%? Without Googling it, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess “no.”
Fournier suggests that Obama bring back Leon Panetta(!) and pull in some exec from Starbucks, a pair of Republican operatives and assorted others to right the ship. Check out this passage for a clinic on how to be a presumptuous, self-important prick:
Two notes: First, none of these potential replacements knew I was dropping their names; indeed, most of them are probably horrified by the thought of leaving more-comfortable jobs. Second, nobody from the White House contributed candidates for this column.
Yeah, I’m sure the West Wing and Wall Street were all abuzz over Fournier’s column this morning. Christ on a Triscuit, what a self-aggrandizing hack.
Scott S.
I will buy a pizza for anyone who will cave in Ron Fournier’s skull with a properly placed anvil.
Belafon
I hope Ron tried to call them, and the entire White House laughed at him.
kc
What a dipshit.
shortstop
I just choked on my bagel in admiration.
Elizabelle
National Journal demeans itself through its publication of Ron Fournier.
I guess they do it for the clickbait, but it’s so sleazy.
Alex S.
‘Fire himself’ – is that supposed to be clever or witty?
gene108
From Fournier’s Article.
I believe the goal of the media is to crush the soul of the American people into a quivering mound of goo, so people will not have the wherewithal to attempt any form of social improvement, therefore they deserve a bonus for a job well done.
They clearly are not interested in anything else.
I can only imagine what people’s opinions would be, if we had a media that wanted to report information and destroy our souls.
beth
Anytime I see him or read anything of his all I can think of is Stuart Smalley looking in the mirror and saying “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me”.
JustRuss
One of these things is not like the others….
Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)
Always awesome no matter where it’s used, but so appropo for Fournier.
piratedan
I want to know why is that man still out there breathing oxygen?
raven
A shooting was reported in the cafeteria of Marysville-Pilchuck High School in Marysville, Washington at about 10:45 a.m. Friday
schrodinger's cat
The ugly undercurrent of racism in the media, that the Obama years have exposed has been quite an eyeopener for me.
beth
@raven: Damn. Before this NYC Ebola case we were wondering what the next news freakout would be and my daughter said we hadn’t had a school shooting in a while and we were due. I hate that she was right.
greennotGreen
And if Obama did all those things Fournier prescribes, how would that change things? Would the Republican Party suddenly become sane? Would the 27% who are frothing because there’s an n-clang in the White House suddenly be okay with it?
Wow, what a twit.
Amir Khalid
If Obama were to abdicate the powers of the presidency, if that’s what Ron Fournier wants, they would surely go to Joe Biden. Or does Fournier want Obama to replace the Vice-President too?
Anoniminous
There’s a joke here about “Fournier Transforms” but I’m too brain fried to derive it.
Amir Khalid
Note the picture at the bottom of this story. It’s Obama hugging Nina Pham, a person previously infected with Ebola. Will it cause Republicans to shun physical contact with him?
drkrick
Is anyone else reminded of Henry Kissinger’s line about not having stand by and let Chile be run by a Socialist just because they’d been irresponsible enough to vote one in as President? The contrast between the submission they expect from the citizenry when a Republican wins an election and the dismissal when it’s a Dem is pretty striking.
Betty Cracker
@Amir Khalid: Wow, that’s great news, and she looks perfectly well. Kudos to the president for meeting with her.
A TPM commenter at your link, Manhattan 123, had the perfect remark for the occasion: “She contracted it because of shoddy practices at a private hospital in Texas and was cured at a public hospital in Maryland? That’s unpossible!”
dmsilev
@Anoniminous: Fourier Transforms are actually useful. Fournier, not so much.
West of the Cascades
@Amir Khalid: as if Republicans have not been doing that for six years?
West of the Cascades
@Amir Khalid: yes, with a Republican.
c u n d gulag
Fournier-cation!!!
Self-Service Edition!!!!!!!
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, that’s a KEEPER!
TAG IT!!!
The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik
Shorter Fournier: If only Obama would concede the country to the GOP wholesale, everything would be utopian.
Mnemosyne
@Amir Khalid:
Okay, that was pretty awesome. I do honestly think that if Thomas Duncan had been properly diagnosed and treated from the beginning, he probably would have survived as well, because it seems as though early treatment is the key to survival. I completely understand why Duncan’s family is pissed that he was initially sent home with antibiotics instead of being admitted immediately.
kindness
I keep having mixed thoughts.
I know traditionally it is ‘Kill all the lawyers first’. Other times I read things and feel it should be ‘Kill all the 0.1% first’. Now I’m thinking it should be ‘Kill all the moran journalists first’.
Life is so confusing.
shortstop
@Amir Khalid: Pretty sure they’re already doing that, but there’s a 100 percent chance they’ll be tut-tutting (if they aren’t already) about the “breathtakingly irresponsible risk” he’d have taken in exposing the leader of the free world to this “danger” IF a black man could actually be leader of the free world, which as they all know, he cannot. Also too, Benghazi.
Omnes Omnibus
@kindness: Go for the media dudes first.*
*No, of course there was no conflict of interest in this statement. Why do you ask?
Another Holocene Human
hahahahaha the ourobouros is complete, we’ve gone from 2009’s whine of why is Obama hiring all these Republicans, we voted for hope’n’change dammit, to Obama needs to hire some Republicans to shake things up
oh this is rich, I need some oxygen hahahahaha
I am smiling right now, just what I needed after those terrifying Coakley reveals on the last thread
Epicurus
Great post, as always, Betty. One small quibble; I believe you misspelled the last word; it should read “i-d-i-o-t.” Fournier is really a complete joke these days; they should publish his column in the Comics section. Suitable for wrapping fish, as the ole Mad Magazine used to boast.
Patrick
@gene108:
What a load of c***!
Our economy was in a free fall when Obama took over. Osama bin Laden was free doing whatever. GM was about to go bankrupt. We were losing hundreds of thousands of jobs each month.
Guess what – Obama fixed all those. And the only reason things aren’t better than they are is because the GOP (the fricking party Fournier wants Obama to hire people from) blocked additional programs to help the economy.
Patrick
Oh brother! Mr Fournier has the audacity to tell Obama to hire Republicans. This would be the very same Republicans whose goals it was to make Obama a one-term President.
This man is just laughable…
Gravenstone
@Anoniminous: Well played
/golf clap
debbie
@greennotGreen:
If I’m to believe all the GOP ads they’re running in Ohio, they will be very busy reaching across the aisle. Because that is what they do.
Gravenstone
So did Fournier crib from Trump, or vice versa? cf. Newsmax hed, “Trump: Obama should resign over NYC Ebola case”
Patrick
@Gravenstone:
I guess that would make Trump happy since his replacement, Joe Biden, is a white man. BTW, did Trump demand Bush’s resignation over Katrina, Iraq, the economy,soaring deficits, 911 etc etc.
raven
@beth: My brothers kids school in LA had a threat against it on social media last night. Lots of kids stayed home but a bunch went too.
low-tech cyclist
@Anoniminous: The spirit of Jean-Baptiste Joseph Fourier is undoubtedly going to haunt you forever as punishment for associating his good name with that of a hack like Ron Fournier.
Tokyokie
Does anybody remember Fournier or any other pundit recommending that GWB add a bunch of Democrats to his Cabinet as he failed miserably as president? Didn’t think so. Only Democrats are supposed to take such actions. And unless and until Fournier and his ilk suggest that both sides do it, they should shut the fuck up.
Quaker in a Basement
@shortstop: Yeah, I had to stop and catch my breath there too.
cckids
@The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik:
Indeed. We could all be Kansas!!!
Wait . . .
D.N. Nation
My first job out of college was the copydesk for a newspaper that had an especially wingnutty editorial page (hey, it paid rent and beer money). Around Spring 2006, every wire editorial we’d publish that wasn’t from the usual uber-conservative suspects would be for playtime “centrist” hacks like Fournier and Broder (continue roasting in Hell, David) who were convinced- CONVINCED!- that Bush’s poll numbers were about to turn around and head straight for the moon. Because mmmm manly Bush so Presidential.
Same bozos who are demanding we stick a fork in Obama now because he doesn’t have “leadership” or whatever BS.
That Fournier is ever able to maintain an erection is surprising to me.
Omnes Omnibus
@D.N. Nation:
Two comments: 1. Fuck you for making me think of that. 2. How do you know that he can?
D.N. Nation
@Omnes Omnibus: Well, someone fathered little Fournier, so I’m just guessing he did it once.
Ocotillo
The other day he was on the Press Pool with Julie Mason. Have any of you heard her, she is like his female equivalent.
They are both just horrible and why our liberal media is just terrible, god-awful, the worst….
C.V Danes
Truth-tellers, business leaders, and republicans, eh?
One of these things is not like the others…
Bobby Thomson
@D.N. Nation: A retort.
SamR
I refuse to read that column, but I will note that a control-F fails to find the word “chuck” or “hagel” anywhere in a column about how Obama needs to appoint some Republicans.
brantl
@Anoniminous: Ron Fournier Transform: shove in a bunch of randoms facts and out comes an array of useless shit. How’s that, maybe?
JGabriel
The Platonic Ideal of Ron Fournier:
So which is it Ron? Should the President hire truth-tellers or business leaders and Republicans? Because those are pretty much polar opposites on the spectrum of honesty.
catclub
@Patrick: That passage was far more true of George W Bush, in fall 2006,7,8, with a swap of republican for Democratic. I don’t remember Fournier writing it, though.
heckblazer
Fournier has a positive electrical charge? I don’t get it.
Kerry Reid
I myself have a Buzzfeed-style listicle of ideas for the White House all ready to go. But will they return my calls? NOOOO!!!!
Kerry Reid
@shortstop: Greenwald vs. Fournier — hmm… lemme think — yup! Rooting for injuries.
agorabum
The country has been hobbled by vandals (the Republican party), with threats of debt default, cutting gov spending in a recession, and a refusal to support any infrastructure (trains and light rail are for poors/urbanites). But I guess it’s not ‘bipartisan’ to constantly point out that one side is filled with vandals, cranks, and asshats. Especially when Fournier is also a crank… it’s telling that he doesn’t ID any actual failings, and offers zero solutions to problems (other than to say Obama could work on optics more, and shouldn’t treat the mideast with restraint and caution, saying Obama ‘dithered’).
Another_Bob
Ha-ha! Good one!
Shantanu Saha
I think you’re being unfair to merely self-aggrandizing hacks. Fournier’s level of megalomania is epic, and his hackery even more artless than most hacks.