Apparently Urban Outfitters is feeling some well-deserved heat, so they offered a limp non-apology:
Urban Outfitters sincerely apologizes for any offense our Vintage Kent State Sweatshirt may have caused. It was never our intention to allude to the tragic events that took place at Kent State in 1970 and we are extremely saddened that this item was perceived as such. The one-of-a-kind item was purchased as part of our sun-faded vintage collection. There is no blood on this shirt nor has this item been altered in any way. The red stains are discoloration from the original shade of the shirt and the holes are from natural wear and fray. Again, we deeply regret that this item was perceived negatively and we have removed it immediately from our website to avoid further upset.
The patented “I’m sorry this offended you, but…” non-apology apology appears to have only riled up the intertrons, and what is happening to their facebook page is a thing of beauty:
And it is like that on EVERY single post (many more pics below the fold). I honestly have no idea what these clowns were thinking. Clearly, in the aftermath of the DiGiorno #whyIstayed PR disaster and other similar stupidity, it is becoming obvious that every company needs the equivalent of an ombudsman before products go to market. We can call it the OHHELLNOman. I’ll even do it for you for a small price.
Here is how it would work. Every single thing in the design and creative process would remain exactly the same, but before you take an item to the production and marketing phase, you would bring it in to me. I’ll be in a room playing video games or surfing the internet or blogging or playing with Lily (who will come to work with me) or maybe just wasting time looking out the window (I will have a window), and you bring the product in, and if I see something like the Kent State shirt, I’ll yell “OH HELL NO!” or “ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND” or “DOES YOUR MOTHER HAVE ANY CHILDREN WHO LIVED” or some variation, and then I will rip up the design and chase you out of the room bludgeoning you with a whiffle ball bat while threatening your entire bloodline.
I would offer my services for a low price- say $250k a year and stock options and maybe an Urban Outfitters shirt in XXXL (you fucking dickheads). And before you think that is too much money for my job (and in fairness, all I would really be doing is looking at something and saying to myself “Would someone post this on 4Chan or Reddit or Fark?”), it is going to cost Urban Outfitters tens of millions of dollars and consulting fees to unfuck this football. Not to mention, your social media department will be more productive, because they won’t have to spend the day apologizing on twitter and other social media platforms.
Think about it. It’s a win/win for you all. You save money and don’t piss off the entire fucking country.
I’m here to help, morons.
On a side note, I can’t believe we made it almost thirteen years without a “Go Fuck Yourself” category.
TR
Yeah, it was just a coincidence that you (1) picked a college famous for the shooting, (2) used it for a faux vintage sweatshirt that seems to come from the same era as the shooting, (3) dyed it a color that’s not one of the school’s colors (navy and gold) but rather the color of blood, and (4) had a little splatter of the color (something that doesn’t happen in naturally faded garments) up in the corner. Pure coincidence.
Alison
Yeah, that “apology”/explanation was such a steaming load of horseshit. If it REALLY was just “discoloration” it likely wouldn’t have been that much, AND…they’d photoshop that shit out of the picture on the site, and just have a note saying “There may be small spots of discoloration from the dye on this shirt” or whatever.
But UO are serial offenders of this shit, and they don’t care. Because every time they put out something horrendous, and people get outraged, it draws attention, and then horrible people say WOOHOO I’M BUYING THAT BECAUSE PEOPLE HATE IT and they make money. That’s clearly all they care about. No publicity is bad publicity, etc etc.
Maybe if the NFL starts losing sponsors, they could court UO as a new one.
Mike in NC
A few years ago my brother and his wife came to visit with their two teenaged daughters. All they really wanted to do was hang out at the closest mall and try on clothes at Abercrombie and related stores. Forget the beaches and boating and other attractions. We got the message and never invited them back.
maeve
This response on facebook
UO
Response
:
moops
You just have to think there is that smarmy Rob Lowe character from Thank You For Smoking in behind this.
How do we capture that Punching Hippies demographic?
Suffern ACE
I think I’ll just blame the kids. They apparently want edgy clothes.
Is it too much to ask kids to shop at Sears? Or Penny’s? Or chess king ? Couldn’t we put 5 Seconds of Summer in Toughskins? Life would be easier.
moops
Bull Shit.
Sandia Blanca
John Cole, your commentariat will all be happy to write letters of reference for your OHHELLNOMAN application.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
Maybe I am completely offbase here, but I don’t necessarily think that reminders of what happened at Kent State are a bad thing.
Gex
You know someone done fucked up when they desperately try to convince you they are incompetent instead of malicious.
moops
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):
On this one, I think I would have an argument. Their lying-out-their-ass non-apology has nothing about raising awareness.
I’m waiting for them to approach Cee Lo for an ad campaign.
Gary
Good on ya John. Loved the post.
Chris Grrr
This wave of “apologies” that blame/shame must be originating from some despicable source. PR university profs ?
John Cole +0
@Suffern ACE: The reason kids don’t shop at Sears is because people like me do. Or did. I pretty much go to JCP now since they hired Ellen as their spox. I don’t do dress clothes and go in the fall and pick up ss summer button downs for the next year. You can get ’em for like 3-4 bucks.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@John Cole +0: You have no suits? I won’t even address the idea of a dinner jacket.
maeve
@John Cole +0:
Just tell people your fashion designer is Jacques Penne’
I also shop at Targe’
Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):
You do realize that at least half do us picture you as Alec Baldwin when you say things like that, right?
(reference: http://belieber.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/why-are-you-wearing-a-tux-what-am-i-a-farmer-30-rock.jpg )
Violet
Maybe someone should brandish their Second Amendment Freedumb Stick in an Urban Outfitters and ask if this is where they make their own Kent State sweatshirts. That might wake them up a bit.
TooManyJens
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): Reminders about Kent State aren’t a problem. The message of those shirts isn’t “remember the victims of Kent State.” It’s “Look how ‘edgy’ I am” + “I have more money than sense.”
Joey Maloney
@moops: Hell, I’m willing to give them that. I can well imagine that their creative staff are so young and so culturally ignorant that they had no idea what they were doing.
But I can’t imagine there isn’t at least ONE person somewhere up the chain whose memory goes back further than Justin Bieber’s latest criminal charges. I figure there has to be, and that person got shouted down by a combination of “what’s he talking about” (shrugs, twirls finger next to ear) and “hippy punching FTW!”
And having gotten caught at it, it’s a measure of their obtuseness that they thought anything but the most abject, groveling, full-throated apology imaginable would be an acceptable response.
I’m guessing here’s their next design triumph.
AA+ Bonds
So how about all these wars Obama’s getting America into! Boy howdy!
Violet
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): The horror seeping from your comment cracks me right up.
YellowJournalism
Young people don’t shop at Sears because their clothes are ugly. But I would wear a years’ worth of ugly flower patterns and odd naval stripes than support an Urban Outfitters.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Mnemosyne (iPad Mini): I think it is unlikely that the half of this blog’s readership watch enough TV to have thought that.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@AA+ Bonds: Which wars? BTW define war.
Jebediah, RBG
@Mike in NC:
Was it just the teenagers who wanted only the mall, or the parents too?
trollhattan
I can only envision a Kardashian or Palin wearing that fucking sweatshirt. Hey, a Nicole Brown edition, now that would be comedy gold.
Has U.O. considered a holocaust collection? That could get legs.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Violet: I know that lots of people have no real need to own a suit. A sport coat and tie will do for weddings and funerals in many communities. I have no intention of demeaning that. OTOH, Cole works at a university; I would think his world is different. But then, I have only driven through and skied in WV.
PurpleGirl
Cole, this paragraph is a thing of beauty and quite splendid. A classic bit of Cole. The post is good but this paragraph had me laughing out loud.
? Martin
And 50 million people are suddenly reminded that Urban Outfitters still exists. In a week they’ll have forgotten why, and decide to go shopping…
piratedan
well this is going to put a crimp on the edgy follow ups that they had planned for Tucson, Virginia Tech and Fort Hood.
What’s next? Casey Anthony toddler care products?
I guess there’s a bottomless wealth of stupid and tasteless that we can always tap on emergency, it’s just too fucking bad that there’s never a need for it.
scav
@trollhattan: Look under Room Decor: Knick-knacks: Ashtrays.
Villago Delenda Est
All these marketdroids are supposed to be so fucking smart, yet they do shit like this that compells the snide snark legions into a feeding frenzy.
The clue train. You need to get on it, dumbshits. Because if you don’t, well, you’re seriously fucked to the tune of millions.
First clue: Do exactly as Cole suggests. But hire me instead. I used to do this sort of thing professionally in the Army, being the actual author of the Unit Status Report every month for an entire brigade. Where I would tell the subordinate battalions “you’re reporting WHAT? Did your parents have any children who lived?”
The “children who lived line” is one of those DI classics that never get old. Which is why both Cole and I used it.
PurpleGirl
@PurpleGirl: Not getting permission to edit comment.
Re the discoloration/fading: In my experience fading means the color gets lighter and not uniformly. I’ve not had fading get DARKER or as spots. Gotta talk to a textile expert, UO.
ira-NY
If I had not decided several years ago to send my capacity for outrage on a long cruise to no where, this would really outraged me. What in the name of hell are these ass hats thinking?
NotMax
@John Cole +0
The last teenager to voluntarily clothes shop at Sears may have been Ben Stein when was 16.
Violet
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):I guess it depends what your role is at the university and where the university is. When I lived in WV I didn’t see people having much need for suits on a daily basis. But I didn’t work at a university.
jheartney
John, if you think you’ll have time to play video games while you do product concept reviews, think again. You’ll be in with a whole set of other drones chewing through several thousand concepts per day, based on written material or vaguely comped-up drawings, and you’ll be expected to spot all the problematic ones right off the bat. When, bleary-eyed from the endless parade of crap, you miss one, it’ll be your fault. Or, you may pass on a concept “Distressed Kent State Sweatshirt in Blue and Gold” that gets switched by mistake to red, and one again you’ll be the goat.
If you don’t think there’s a very skittish legal department, product managers, franchisees, liaisons and FSM knows what else looking at all this stuff, you’re fooling yourself. You also don’t get to see all the bad ones that got stopped before they went out. You just see this one screw-up, and think you’re a genius because you can see it looks bad in hindsight.
Also, bear in mind that fashion is both competitive and all about edginess. If you quash all the mildly transgressive concepts (and this one was not that, it was almost certainly a screwup), then your company may get a reputation for being boring, so you can head down the boredom hole with Sears and JCPenney.
M. Bouffant
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): I’m w/ you on that. A subtle reminder, but a reminder nonetheless.
OR IS IT TOO SOON?
steve
GAH, their “apology” even includes that horrendous word “saddened,” which I have never heard (or read) outside of lame political or corporate passive-voice non-apologies. The subtext of that word is always “It makes me SAD that you’re one of those emo PC liberals who can’t take a fucking joke.”
gian
good thing they don’t have a liberal arts graduate who knows some history there. just business and stem people.
Suzanne
I loved Urban Outfitters five hundred years ago, when I was a teenager. I haven’t been in one since I was in undergrad. I now get my sweatshop-made clothing from H&M, thank you very much.
gian
@jheartney:
sears is being killed to sell the real estate by a randian nutjob. I worked there in the late 80s. the corporate culture was bad, but the current culture is suicidal. literally.
picture Amazon.com in 1994 or so, picture a Sears that, instead of closing it’s catalog stores to save money, put them online with the option of returning to the store, done by the then #1 retailer in the country.
they tried “the softer side of sears” but the management was scared in the early 90s of wal mart and did more cost cutting, starting the current death spiral.
ahh, when I was a kid we went to freaking trainings, got paid to go, and got swag from the manufacturers. Now? they try and do everything on the cheap with people who can’t tell you jack about the products.
James E Powell
Back in the mid 70s – around Station to Station, David Bowie said he was buying all his clothes at Sears.
Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):
Oh, I realize that network TV is beneath your touch, but you would be surprised how many people still watch it.
Definitely not dispelling the picture.
? Martin
@Violet: Don’t need a suit at a university very often. Need a suit to attend the funerals of your coworkers from the university quite often, though.
? Martin
Texted my mom today: “So how happy are the Patriots that their guy only killed 2 people? Pretty easy call that one.”
She was not amused.
Mike G
@maeve:
Or the 2014 version,
“Brain dead at UO”
They definitely need a Vice President of AreYouFuckingKiddingMe.
I guess we should be glad they didn’t do this with a UCSB or Virginia Tech sweater.
jheartney
@gian: You’re assuming that if they have such a person, (s)he is given time to review final product photos before they go live, and that if (s)he is, anyone will listen if (s)he raises a fuss.
More likely the product line is a factory, and if you’re going to rock the boat whenever you see something sketchy, you’ll have been downsized long since.
? Martin
@jheartney: I’ll say it again:
And 50 million people are suddenly reminded that Urban Outfitters still exists. In a week they’ll have forgotten why, and decide to go shopping…
UO just got a mountain of free marketing for something that is only offensive to the 20% of the country old enough to remember (and who were never going to shop at UO anyway). Another 20% is reminded that we used to shoot hippies, gets a warm feeling in their heart, and gains all new respect for the retailer and might buy something for the grandkids. The remaining 60% are wondering what the fuck the fuss is about but could use a new pair of hipster shoes.
mai naem mobile
@trollhattan: a holocaust collection sounds tres chic. The people were so skinny that even the LuLu Lemon guy wouldnt complain about using the holocaust victims as models. And the number tatoos will be the rage of the teen set. The bald heads – so androgynous, so UO! This can only be upstaged by the slavery collection and of course who could do without the Trayvon Martin. Skittle colored hoodies! Really they need to hire me. I have some awesome ideas.
.
HeartlandLiberal
My comment on their Facebook page, and emailed to half dozen of their chief operating officers:
Wow. I just read your nopology for the Kent State tee shirt. I am SO GLAD to hear that that is not real blood on the shirt. Sure glad you jerkwads cleared that up.
P.S. Guaranteed I will not touch your brand, and I plan to tell anyone who will listen about this, and urge them to boycott you, too.
P.P.S. If you do not know what a NOPOLOGY is, then ask your friend the Google.
And try issuing a REAL APOLOGY that actually addresses the sick, disgusting shirt.
What’s next, shirts with pictures of lynched slaves to celebrate the Civil War? Shirts with snaps of body parts blown off on the beach at Normandy to celebrate that bit of history? Hey, that would be a great gift for my uncles who fought that war on those beaches. Oh, I forgot. Thank God they are all dead and won’t have to see your sorry excuse for clothing designs and think this is what they fought for after all.
Here is another idea. Maybe you could send a few of the Kent State tee shirts to the surviving family members of those shot dead at Kent State? Maybe that would help your public image.
HeartlandLiberal
@mai naem mobile: I think your commentary wins the Internets on this issue at the moment.
HeartlandLiberal
I just looked at the shirt again, and I am just appalled. The only phrase that comes to mind for Urban Outfitters? SH*T FOR BRAINS.
Rosalita
Epic rant John. LMAO. Glad you Tweeted the link to the post to the world too. Those fuckers deserve it.
EriktheRed
@jheartney: Very informative, but damn, are you a buzzkill!
Sherparick
@? Martin: I do think Brendan Behan’s quote: “There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary” applies here. Urban Outfitters I expect was engaged in a bit of “trolling” as they knew perfectly well what a blood splattered “Kent State” sweatshirt would provoke. I wonder how many hits they have gotten on their web site and facebook page as result of this little “sting.” Never underestimate the perfidy and mendacity of an American MBA CEO.
NorthLeft12
@Mike in NC: I visited my brother and his family in Edmonton, and of course we ended up in the “world famous” West Edmonton Mall.
Its a freaking mall. Get over it. Multiple HMVs and Roots stores is not a feature.
Drunken hausfrau
I think I am in love with OHHELLNOman.
Mack
@Villago Delenda Est: 75 Bravo? Me too. Were you at Ben Harrison?
YellowJournalism
@NorthLeft12: I live here, and I can’t stand going to that mall. Any charm that it used to have as a family attraction is being squeezed out for more and more expensive and trendy stores. It’s a nightmare to shop there. We only go when it’s absolutely necessary because a store has something specific we need.
Next time you’re in Edmonton, there are tons of better places to go, especially in the summer. I hope they don’t just take you to the mall.
Keith G
The entire country?
So much outrage from a group of folks who wouldn’t duck into a Urban Outfitters store unless they were chase by a pack of rabid pit bulls (or one rapper known as Pitbull).
The entire country?
That would be approx. half of the country more than who were pissed off when the Ohio National Guard actually killed the students.
The item in question and its marketing is a bonehead move, but there are so many other things ahead of this in a list of things that our citizenry should feel agitation about.
FlyingToaster
@Sherparick:
If the hits don’t turn into dollars, it’s a failure.
It will be interesting to watch what happens at the UO in Harvard Square; most people (including me) went into there for microfurnishings that would fit our microdomiciles. I never bought an item of clothing there. The Abercrombie and Pacific Sunwear were driven out of business by the “nobody ever walked out of this store having purchased something” problem (I was convinced Abercrombie was a drug front; only tourists and slackers went in, and both came out seemingly empty handed).
So far it’s “don’t buy from American Apparel or Urban Outfitters”. Where do these people hire from, so we know in advance the next set of companies to continue avoiding? (Six-year-olds are perfectly happy with Hello Kitty shirts from Sears.)
JR in WV
@Violet:
When my Dad died we had to dispose of 8 dinner jackets, all silk, tailored custom. He liked to dress up when he dressed up. He and Mom would do Queen Elizabeth II cruises and dress for dinner each night, and then dance to those great big band classics after dinner.
We also had to take a PU truck load of short-shorts that weighed, no foolin’ 613 pounds, to the dump. When he wasn’t dressed up, he wasn’t dressed up at all.
I can dress up when necessary, but it’s like theater, I put on the costume to go to the swanky place to hear Judy Collins or whoever… strictly dress-up as in a costume.
MHPH
Trolling people is clearly their marketing strategy. And by “clearly” I mean because of, say, this, or <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2678601/Urban-Outfitters-causes-outrage-Hindu-community-AGAIN-169-duvet-cover-featuring-religious-deity-not-meant-slept-upon.html"this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this.
kuvasz
Having dealt with fashion designers for several decades there is no end to their clueless nature.
Ksmiami
@trollhattan: I heard that uo will be debuting a line of striped pajamas and wipe on number tattoos right on time for Chanukah
auntie beak
@PurpleGirl: indeed. ranks right up there with the “tire rims and anthrax” post.
Thymezone
You know, certain unnamed blog owners, even on the darkest day of my service to your little hobby I never resorted to going behind your back and asking your friends to intervene on my behalf. I did the respectable thing when I was banned, created a new user name, and kept posting in stealth until you came to your fucking senses. That’s real commitment.
Thymezone
@MHPH:
Seriously? Trolling is the basis for nearly all retail marketing strategy. I sentence you to a full month of watching Christian Mingle commercials.