First, Mr. Charles P. Pierce:
Joni Ernst, veteran juggler of pig testicles and official Republican candidate for the United States Senate in Iowa, seems to have gone very close to the full Calhoun at some gathering of hayshaking Bible-bangers back in 2013. Now, it is true that Ernst does not really come out in favor of nullification per se, but what she says is all the worse for its abject cowardice…
Then, NYTimes‘ “chief national correspondent” and This Town author Mark Leibovich, still trying to make himself unpopular:
[Iowa Governor] Branstad, who was standing a few feet away in MJ’s parking lot, does not quite present as such an exalted figure. He’s a mustachioed wisp of a sound-bite machine, who is prone to rambling and repeating himself at Olympian levels, even by politician standards. But he has channeled the fits of self-importance that befall many politicians in Iowa and New Hampshire into a larger ambition. Iowa may be a flat, landlocked state with six electoral votes, but under Branstad’s stewardship, it has become the country’s premier tourist destination for political brown-nosers and day-tripping presidential hopefuls. As a slow-moving formation of furry boom mikes followed Christie into a mosh pit of supporters inside the diner, Branstad began to enumerate to me his other “dear friends”: the Texas governor, Rick Perry; the Wisconsin governor, Scott Walker; Representative Paul Ryan, among others.
If there’s one thing every Republican presidential candidate can agree upon, it is that Branstad represents the peak of American leadership, if not the pinnacle of all human achievement. Homage must be paid. Perry said that what Branstad “has done in this state is an example that we want to take across the country.” Ryan said Branstad embodied the qualities “that people in Washington can learn from,” and Walker listed Branstad as one of the people that he respects the most. Branstad humbly agrees. “We want Iowa to be the envy of the whole nation,” he told me in the parking lot. “Not just because we have the first-in-the-nation caucuses.” (No, of course not; it’s totally natural for the governor of New Jersey to check out the cows here in the middle of July.) “Iowa is going in the right direction,” Branstad continued, “and the rest of the country is going in the wrong direction.”…
It would be one thing if all of this early activity and attention in Iowa resulted in a smarter electorate, better candidates or a more authentic version of democracy. But in general, the quaint “retail” settings of Iowa diners and New Hampshire living rooms are treated mostly as media sound stages, places where reporters report on how many other reporters showed up (see above)…
Over the years, Iowans have leveraged their first-in-nation caucus to promote the notion that they are wiser than the rest of us. “If the rest of America had been as smart as Iowa folks, we wouldn’t be in the shape we’re in today,” said the former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, a once and possibly future presidential candidate who won the Iowa Republican caucuses in 2008. And if the rest of the country thought like Iowa folks, Huckabee might be in the White House now — if not the 2012 Iowa winner, President Santorum…
If you’re so smart, how come you never had the sense to get outta Iowa?
If the journos are starting to rebel two years in advance of the actual caucus, how extravagant will the language be by late 2015?
Mike E
Right. No black people. I get it.
Steeplejack
Too late. Ferguson is over and my momentum has dissipated. Off to bed.
amk
Didn’t the kenyan usurper win there by nearly 6% recently?
And the batshit crazy bachmann the straw poll and the sick rantorum the primary?
Way to lead, terry.
Schlemizel
@Mike E: Actually they have many but just in the larger cities.
I suspect reporters will fall in line later this year & treat the whole debacle as if it really was the right way to select a candidate. This early mocking will officially be forgotten and the “important” horse race news will be given its due. Sadly.
NotMax
So, gonna ask to pick the brains here a bit.
Mom (87) wants me to take her car shopping when I visit soon. Currently she’s diving a mid-90s Honda Accord (4-door) which is just a little too unwieldy for her in the new abode’s very, very tight underground garage.
So looking for something:
1) somewhat smaller, but still 4-door
2) she doesn’t want something really pricey, as she figures will only have a few years of driving safely left
3) she keeps making noises about preferring to lease rather than buy outright
4) definitely a new car, not used
I’m not as familiar with the car market as once was, but first thought was a Toyota Yaris.
Suggestions?
Death Panel Truck
“Nobody looks good in brown lipstick.” — Frank Zappa
nellcote
@amk:
Prez Obama won Iowa TWICE. Iowa is the future!
SectionH
So there is no chance of Peak Journo Morans evah?
Villago Delenda Est
More Noisemax unintentional, I’m sure, hilarity:
Dick Morris: Jerry Brown vs. Hillary Coming
WTF is Morris smoking NOW?
Villago Delenda Est
If Terry Brandstad is receiving such praise from vapid piles of shit, then Brandstad himself must be a vapid pile of shit.
There it is, I said it.
Schlemizel
@NotMax:
I wonder if she might like a boxier sedan like the Nissan Versa or Mazda 2, or a hatchback like the Honda Fit. They might have better all-around viability. Both sedans are around $15k so they are not going to be as luxurious as her Accord. The Fit is about 8k more but I have no idea how it is inside.
I hate the whole idea of leasing. If she insists make sure she gets a good estimate on the number of miles she will drive as they kill you if you use more than your allotted amount. More than that I am not sure of because I have no experience.
SectionH
@Villago Delenda Est: Inquiring mind DO NOT want to know.
SectionH
@NotMax: Don’t underestimate the “familiar interface” thing. A smaller lighter Honda (Civic, or something, I’m not that familiar with all the brand) might be a good step, if she’s seriously a candidate for driving at 87.
No, srsly. My grandmother drove until she was 93, so I’m not being totes ageist about this, but having recently been scared terrifically by my aunt’s driving in her early 80’s, I do ask.
Schlemizel
@SectionH: Gawd, my dad used to scare the crap out of me driving in his early 80’s. Some people do better than others. My MIL is 86 & does fine except she will not drive in the cities.
I didn’t suggest the Civic because I am not a fan of the sloping backend, I think visibility would be an issue. But you do have a good point about the layout & familiarity if those are the same between Accord & Civic.
EconWatcher
My ex is from Iowa, and it’s a much better state than people give it credit for. Even some of the farm folk have a progressive streak.
NotMax
@Schlemizel – Section H
No qualms about her driving. Yet.
The sloping rear on the current Accord is one of the things making it difficult in the garage.So I’m thinking hatchback. I installed a mirror on the rear wall of her parking spot, which helped her a bit. The layout of the garage is truly abysmal.
notorious JRT
@NotMax:
Honda FIT
BillinGlendaleCA
@Villago Delenda Est:
A hooker’s toes?
Joey Maloney
@NotMax: What’s a Smart Car go for nowadays? They’re silly-looking but you can’t beat them for ease of parking. Good visibility, too.
SectionH
@Schlemizel: I’m just so amazingly grateful that I didn’t have to have “That Talk” with my aunt. Because she really should have been stopped from driving earlier, we thought, but the garage guy who’d ridden with her for some issue with her ’96 Buick told us she was pretty much at the top of his customers over 80. THAT was a horrifying idea.
Mr S and I do walk the walk about public transit, at least sort of. We haven’t owned a car since 2011. Yes we do rent. Mr Hertz treats me veryvery well, on a number of continents. But we also have our Compass cards for SD buses and the Trolley, and we’re learning what works, when, and how.
James E. Powell
@Villago Delenda Est:
WTF is Morris smoking NOW?
Everything he says is crafted to draw attention to himself. If there were any justice in America, Morris would have to pay 30% of his gross income to Bill Clinton. Without that “former Clinton advisor” after his name, he is a nobody who is almost invariably wrong.
EconWatcher
@James E. Powell:
He’s also deeply creepy. Something about his appearance makes me wonder about his personal hygiene.
RaflW
Even your dear friend Rick Perry’s Texas? Wonderful bud Scott Walker’s WI?
So Branstad is a great politician but manages to insult every fellow GOP governor. OK.
Cervantes
@Mike E: Not only that.
The NYT worked up a comparison.
That said, Iowa voted Democratic in 6 of the last 7 presidential elections, and New Hampshire in 5 of the last 6.
Baron Elmo
May we take that to mean that Branstad (sounds like some Fifties regional brand of laxative, does it not?) is on board with gay marriage? After all, Iowa beat both New York and California to the wedding punch.
Dave
“If you’re so smart, how come you never had the sense to get outta Iowa?”
I did and then I came back because it has many redeeming values and a lot of great people – also has some idiots but I am fairly confident that whatever state any of you live in or came from has its share of morans and also tremendous redeeming values.
Suffern ACE
@NotMax: look at the Nissan Cube. Yes, it is marked as a young person car. For its awful looks, it really is the easiest car for someone your mom’s age to enter and exit.
Patricia Kayden
@Mike E: Iowans chose President Obama twice in 2008 and 2012 so they’re alright wtih me.
Matt McIrvin
@NotMax: The Honda Fit is a lot like a Toyota Yaris, only better in several ways. A bit roomier inside; better handling; controls laid out in a sensible manner; a surprisingly large amount of hauling space when you fold the rear seats around in various clever ways. It’s slightly less fuel-efficient than the Yaris, but still pretty good.
(That is, however, stated on the basis of the second-generation Fit that I’ve go; I think the 2014 is basically the same. The new 2015 model is a significant overhaul, with more macho styling and better gas mileage, and reviews seem mixed on whether it’s an improvement otherwise; I haven’t tried driving one.)
Cervantes
@Matt McIrvin: I’ll see your Salem Hypothesis and raise you some Engineers of Jihad:
(Bruce Salem’s hypothesis and these findings by Gambetta and Hertog are … interesting … but, as usual, further research is indicated!)
Iowa Old Lady
The sad thing is that Branstad is better than most R governors.
Matt McIrvin
…I’ll echo the concerns others have stated, though: watch her driving carefully, if you can. My grandmother died in a car accident at 87 because she wouldn’t give it up.
Karla
“If you’re so smart, how come you never had the sense to get outta Iowa?”
Especially when Minnesota is *right next door*?
Central Planning
@Schlemizel:
I’m sure you can get a backup camera on almost any vehicle. Perhaps that should just be one of the requirements while looking for a car.
Keith P
OMG, hearing GOP candidates kiss Iowa’s ass is a pathetic thing indeed. I’m guessing the phrase “the Iowa Miracle” will enter the lexicon in about 6 months.
Butch
Well, just on the subject of the author of this piece, I tried to read This Town on a recent vacation and gave up at about the midway point.
attaturk
Hey now…I’m not saying it’s the best state, but we do no worse than the rest of the Midwestern states it borders, better than most (and THAT is called faint praise).
Splitting Image
@Cervantes:
My impression of Iowa is that 47% of the state are batshit insane even by Texas standards, and the other 53% are more than usually frightened of them and, thus, make more effort than usual to haul their asses into the voting booth and stop them taking over.
Not an ideal situation, perhaps, but you learn to take what you can get.
Also, Berkeley Breathed is from Iowa, so there is that.
moonbat
@Suffern ACE: Yes it’s easy to get in and out of, but the rear visibility in the Cube is HORRIBLE. It has a huge blind spot in the back to make that cubist design look cool or whatever. But it not east to see out the passenger side.
SFAW
Iowa hasn’t gone in the right direction since Iowa State told Dan Gable to fuck off for the coaching job.
Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)
What’s with all the Iowa hate? It’s not a bad state. It’s not Kansas.
SFAW
@Karla:
You forgot
PolandSouth Dakota!SFAW
@Another Holocene Human (now with new computer):
Is that like saying “What’s with all the Cheney hate? He’s not Hitler/Stalin.”?
Just askin’
J R in WV
Iowa is one of the few states I’ve never been to. Along with the 2 dakotas, Montana and Alaska. Been everywhere else at least a little bit. Nevada we rode through on Amtrak, but I did get off and walk around at the Reno stop, so that counts fer sure.
Want to do N Dakota, see the badlands and the Tower, respectfully as it is a holy site to some local tribes of Native Americans. Want to do Montana, too, ride horses into the rocky mtns. Iowa, ?, not so much, along with South Dakota. Although Kansas was interesting, so maybe there are interesting things about the other flatter states.
bmack
Iowa is nice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLZZ6JD0g9Y
The Fat Kate Middleton
@Villago Delenda Est: And said it quite well, I might add.
@EconWatcher: I live in eastern Iowa, which has a large progressive community. Western Iowa? Eh, not so much (think Steve King).
@Iowa Old Lady: Just can’t agree with that assessment – google Gov. Robert Ray, by way of comparison.
EriktheRed
@NotMax:
Find a used Toyota Yaris.
Small on the outside, but still 4-door.
Roomy on the inside.
Good gas mileage.
WaterGirl
I was in Iowa for the 10 days before the Iowa caucus in early January 2008. Iowa is a lovely state, and I will always be grateful that they gave us Barack Obama.
Cervantes
@J R in WV:
Just outside Marquette, Iowa, you will find Effigy Mounds National Monument:
fidelio
@Central Planning: It’s possible to add a back-up camera as an aftermarket item; my cousin’s husband loved the one on her SUV so much he put one on his own, smaller car.
Mike in NC
FWIW, I knew several guys in the Navy who were from Iowa, and not a one of them ever planned on going back there.
Cervantes
@Mike in NC: Well, at least Radar (O’Reilly) went back.
(Though I’m not sure how long he stayed there.)
Mnemosyne
@NotMax:
One of my co-workers has a Yaris and loves it. As others said, it’s probably worth trying a Honda Fit as well since she already has a Honda and it will have a lower learning curve.
ETA: Also, if you’re concerned about safety, you can get government safety ratings here. The Subaru I got is probably not small enough, but one of the reasons I chose it is that it has very high safety ratings.
Irrationalnumb3r
Branstad is an empty little man but he is not dumb.
Here is what I want the real story to be vis-a-vis Republican hypocrisy. Every single one of these assholes coming to praise Iowa for going in the right direction are all on record to repeal ACA.
Branstad was one of the only Republican governors (the only one? not gonna bother to Google) to expand Medicaid (again because he has some functioning neurons).
Every reporter should put this question to these little pricks after they mouth some platitude about Iowa moving in the right direction and the country moving in the wrong direction. “You are a vocal opponent of ACA and Medicaid expansion. Gov. Branstad worked with the law, used federal dollars to expand Medicaid enrollment and things are just peachy. Do you still think Iowa is going in the right direction?”
randomworker
It’s so phony. Virtually nobody in this country lives like an Iowa farmer. Yet we all have to pretend that they are the Real Americans (TM) and should be listened to above all else. It is really tiresome, actually.
Irrationalnumb3r
And Props to bmack for posting the Iowa Nice guy.
Irrationalnumb3r
Alright I did Google: Kasich (OH), Haslam (TN), Snyder (MI), Martinez (NM), and Pence (IN) are all Rs who also expanded Medicaid. They also are reaping the political benefits without being primary-ed by teaparty nut jobs and poised for reelection.
Joel Hanes
@EconWatcher:
Iowa [is] a much better state than people give it credit for.
It’s a Yankee culture — high on civic virtue, not much political corruption, people are mostly practical and mind their own business.
Until the Rs began to go insane in the 80s, Iowa had a good-schools, good-roads, good-government consensus that served the state well. Iowa used to either lead the nation or rank very high in many mundane, unexciting measures of civil health such as literacy rate. The Des Moines Register was a great paper before Gannett, and was second only to the NY Times in Pulitzers. And, of course, Iowa has steadfastly sent liberal and competent Tom Harkin to the Senate for six terms, after five terms as a Representative.
And then the Republicans blinded themselves with ideology, and became no longer able to see outcomes.
(I have really been shocked by the successes of the outright bigots such as Steve King and Bob Vander Plaat.)
Even so, Iowa pragmatism and the stalwart good sense of D. Iowa Senate Majority Leader Gronstal have mostly prevented the Rs in power from the kinds of self-destructive policies that have crashed the Kansas and Missouri economies, or the sorts of civic damage we see in Wisconsin and Michigan.
All that said, the nation is ill served by Iowa’s obsession with corn prices, and so, in a larger sense, are Iowans.
[expatriate for 33 years but still an Iowan]
Linnaeus
I like Iowa. But I spent most of my time there in Iowa City.
Joel Hanes
@Joel Hanes:
Harkin is a four-term Senator. I regret the error.
Joel Hanes
@Cervantes:
Radar … went back [ to Iowa ]
Well of course. His family was there.
(Though I’m not sure how long he stayed there.)
The rest of his life, of course, though I’m guessing he bought a little summer cabin on some Minnesota Lake and spent the summers of his declining years teaching his nieces and nephews and their kids to fish for bluegills.
Joel Hanes
@Linnaeus:
I spent most of my time there in Iowa City.
Tom Tomorrow grew up there, and reminisces a bit
Linnaeus
@Joel Hanes:
Cool, thanks for that.