This is basically the political equivalent of “two girls one cup,” and if you have no idea what that reference means, please for the love of everything FSM, do not google it, but if you have to it is x-rated and something I have tried for years to get out of my head but it is still there and I still blame 4chan:
Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
We won’t be seeing him on the Hill’s annual top 50 hotties on the hill. Also too:
Seriously now- what are the actual cons to letting Texas, Alabama and the others secede? We can always make Austin a territory and airlift in guitars, cigarettes, and weed.
Punchy
There’s no available brain bleach strong enough to cleanse that hot mess. I saw that vid at least 5 years ago and still vividly remember it well. Too well.
dp
Kudos to Tweety, he gave that guy an earful and boxed him in. Highly unexpected, but welcome.
Joseph Nobles
West Virginia will have to go with them this time.
Avery Greynold
2G1C? Fake. Chocolate mousse in/out. But what’s coming out of the Repub mouths is genuine fan-hitting stuff.
Keith P
You think 2 Girls 1 Cup is bad, try 1 Man 1 Jar. It’s sick, then kinda funny, then really nasty.
Yatsuno
@Keith P: Not getting out of the boat. Fuck your mangoes.
No mas SEC football. Oh wait I see what you’re doing now…
We airlift Betty and the hens out though.
Amir Khalid
I saw a video of an autopsy once, which showed everything that was done to the dead body. It was actually harder to watch than the Two Girls One Cup video. But then the autopsy video was made for training medical students, rather than to turn on sick voyeurs, so unlike the porn trailer it wasn’t revolting to me.
It’s a pity that Farenthold dare not admit the plain fact that Obama is a legitimately elected President. This is what happens when one is voluntarily beholden to delusional people.
liberal
Well, apparently if a little switch had failed, we would have nuked NC in 1961.
Alex S.
These republican congressmen all look like the product of incest.
David Fud
@liberal: and, as stated by the author on Democracy Now yesterday via NPR, the switch in question was generally considered defective. The US and by extension the world were saved by a part that was defective in all of those bombs. Not a happy thought given how we present ourselves as sober guardians of a deadly technology.
R. Johnston
The con to allowing Texas, Alabama and the others secede is sharing a couple of thousand of miles of border with utterly insane warmongering nuclear armed nitwits. It’s pretty much a recipe for the end of the world. However bad those assholes are as part of the family, they’d be monumentally worse as neighbors.
It’s more-or-less why we didn’t just let the South secede back in 1861: We’d have spent the next forever in a constant state of war over runaway slaves, or at least until the British invaded and took over both countries after we’d beaten each other down.
Joey Maloney
@R. Johnston: That’s exactly what I was about to post: no natural defensible border. Plus it would leave them in control of the mouth of the Mississippi. The first time some US politician said something that hurt their delicate Confederate feefees they’d slam it shut tighter than Santorum’s sphincter. We’d be going to war with them twice a year. Indefinitely. Because, being teabaggers concentrated to their maximum strength, they’d never, ever, ever learn.
becca
@Alex S.: Inbreeding tells, doesn’t it?
The Other Bob
Let them go, but bomb every military based on the way out.
WereBear
Secession is fantasy, on both sides.
I would rather they were spread out, like an infection the body can keep up with, than form a localized carbuncle, which could cause a major organ to fail.
Scott S.
You don’t let them go because every non-white person and outspoken liberal — all of them former citizens of the US who probably didn’t want to get de-citizenized — will either be dead or enslaved.
c u n d gulag
One of the “cons,” is that we’ll have to build a strong border fence – ala, The Berlin Wall – to keep out the stupid and ignorant rubes, crackers, goobers, etc., when they realize that they’ve been suckered, and now live in some hell-hole that makes Haiti look like f*ckin’ Monaco.
And I don’t think the people there want to have to depend on “The Austin Airlift.”
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Mumphrey, et al.)
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Manyakitty
Gross. I should NOT have watched that. I dragged my butt out of bed to feed the screaming cats, saw this mess, and now my brain is blistering from the inside.
gene108
@Manyakitty:
John did have the decency to warn you. The first time I saw the reference, no one warned me so I googled it. No amount of brain bleach can make you unsee it.
Manyakitty
@gene108: Yeah, yeah. Still haven’t seen “Two Girls, One Cup,” and never plan to. Still, that last beast from Texas is a poster child for contraception. Wow.
MattF
It’s a big fucking joke. Ha ha. And… both sides do it, btw. Here’s an op-ed from Steve LaTourette:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/dont-blame-boehner-for-house-dysfunction/2013/09/20/511aa3a0-2208-11e3-a358-1144dee636dd_story.html
LaTourette is not a horrible human being, and somewheres in the middle of the op-ed, he admits that the wingers are the problem. But the admission has to be bracketed by a few paragraphs blaming liberals too, also. Bah.
Tokyokie
For those who think that Democrats cannot win back the House in 2014, I give you Exhibit A: Blake Farenthold. A fat, ugly and stupid white guy from a majority Hispanic district who won election in 2010 by fewer than 800 votes over a 13-time incumbent largely because he’s the step-grandson of the fondly remembered (and far, far more liberal) Sissy Farenthold. Should the Democrats find and fund a decent Hispanic candidate and get out the vote, this fool is toast. Although Solomon Ortiz, the guy Farenthold originally beat, was a conservative Democrat, this teahadist is far to the right of his district, yet he still appears to be afraid of being primaried from the right. Farenthold is an obvious target, but with the number of utter fools in the GOP House caucus, surely a few more who are nearly as susceptible to defeat can be found.
Wag
I can say with utmost confidence that Rep. Farenthold is legitimately a complete and total douche.
Mike in NC
That guy looks like an extra that wandered off the set of “Deliverance”.
Marc
@WereBear: Forced relocation of teabaggers from the South to Chicago, San Francisco, and Harlem? I’m all for it.
It would be a nice payback for the Trail of Tears.
Keith P
@Mike in NC: Or “Dune”.
manyakitty
@Marc: Eh, send em all to Detroit.
liberal
@David Fud:
Yeah, I think I read that three other parts failed completely.
Technology _can_ be made to work properly, but you have to test the shit.
liberal
@Keith P:
Baron Harkonen?
Bobby Thomson
@Tokyokie: I haven’t heard that he has a strong opponent, or that Latinos will be allowed to vote, or that the boundaries have been redrawn, or that the people who voted him in have gotten any smarter.Sorry, I don’t see any cause for optimism.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
@manyakitty: Nah that just moves the tumor.
Disperse ’em, like the residents of New Orleans after Katrina.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
@Bobby Thomson: That’s the point. Flipping that seat won’t fall like a rainbow from a flying unicorn’s ass, but it could happen if we’re willing to do the work.
Claude Pope had a meltdown over the latest Moral Monday march.
Work.
c u n d gulag
@Marc:
Why do you hate Chicago, San Fran, and NY City?
Believe me, we have some of those stupid sociopaths in NYC.
And if you go Upstate NY, outside of the cities and larger towns and their closest suburbs, rural NY State is as blood-red as AL, MS, GA, etc. – only with colder winters, and cooler summers.
Citizen_X
Huh. Like West Virginia would be on the north side of that border.
WereBear
Another alternative is to isolate them.
I’ve long been in favor of voluntary “reservations” where they can live their lives of meanness, paranoia, and inflated self-righteousness without screwing things up for the rest of us.
Those huge megachurches offer a physical plant, and in the right places!
All we need is a constant cable signal of how horrible the world is “out there” and they will stay home or shop in their own designated malls.
I’m so close to perfecting my mad scheme! The End Game of Suburbia!
Redshirt
@liberal: Buford T. Harkonen
manyakitty
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: No, se Detroit is already in a state of near-anarchy, with limited access to “givernment” services. Let them walk their talk for a change.
Dr. Squid
Not on the 50 hotties list. But he’s so hawt in his ducky jammies.
Runt
What kind of person looks at Blake Farenthold and says: “I want that man to represent me in Washington”?
Liberty60
Can’t we get moving on those FEMA camps?
PLEEESE?
Mungen Cakes
Ducky Jammies
phoebes-in-santa fe
What movie is that Charles Durning cut from?
ruemara
@Bobby Thomson: You know why I hate comments like that? Because it stomps all over trying.
Jebediah
@phoebes-in-santa fe:
Believe that is from “O Brother Where Art Thou”
WereBear
@Runt: Someone who hates Washington.
MikeJ
I can’t view the video. Is there a brief description of it anywhere?
Liberty60
@MikeJ: Monkey flinging poo, redneck version.
MikeJ
@Liberty60: I understand that people don’t like it. It would be nice to know what it is. 47 comments and not one person has enough to say about the actual content that I have the slightest idea what the video is.
PaulW
You don’t want states to secede because inside those states are a solid number of Americans who aren’t assholes.
While the GOP may dominate certain southern states, it’s not total dominance. It’s more akin to 38 percent wingnuts, 30 percent “just let us alone” types who don’t want to get involved and 32 percent “dear God they’re gonna starve us and shoot us”.
I’m not gonna let Mississippi or Texas or Alabama go because there are still Americans in those states, dammit, and it’s our job to get enough of our fellow Americans to stand up and vote out the assholes.
Gretchen
one thing I didn’t realize is that a lot of progressive legislation was passed during the Civil War, precisely because there were no Southerners in Congress – I know,a dream state! Transcontinental railroad, land-grant universities, no Southerners screaming that “it costs too much!” Imagine where we’d be if for the last 150 years we could have passed legislation without any Southern votes!
skippy
i can’t believe you people actually watched 2 girls 1 cup. as soon as the cup was put under the offending organ i shut it off.
Jamey
I’ll say it again: S. E. “Two Girls, One” Cupp.
Also, this.
Brian R.
Is there some sort of fund I can donate to that’ll get Blake Farenthold on television as the voice of Republicans more often? What a fucking clown.
dhunt
From a personal viewpoint, I’d starve and/or I’d be torn apart and be eaten by cannibals. I realize it might seem a little self-centered to focus on what would happen to me personally, but I’m a little selfish when it comes to avoiding being rendered down for Soylent Green.
phoebes-in-santa fe
@Jebediah: Thanks. That makes sense.
SFAW
At the end of that piece with the Idiot Fatrenthold, he started to remind me of Vizzini. Partly the voice and semi-lisp, and partly because he kept using words that don’t mean what he thinks they mean.
And, Jesus H. Christ, John: Texas (a/k/a “Nuevo Aztlan”) only, not ‘Bama. I could give a shit about the state itself, but access to the Mississippi is important. But you collect all of the 27-percenters, ship ’em to Houston. move Austin out to someplace rational, pull the nukes out, wall the place off, rename it Dumbfuckistan (as I have said innumerable times), and be done with it. Oh yeah – make sure they have 100 AR-15s (or whatever) per capita, plus a barn’s-worth of ammo per person. Within about 2 years, the original 85 million of them will be down to about 20 million. Meanwhile, the Real United States can get back to being a rational, compassionate, forward-looking country.
Nothin’ but upside. I just hope I live long enough to see it happen.
Marmot
@PaulW: By comment #50, finally someone shows some sense.
The rest of you can fuck off, particularly anyone from New York State who donesn’t even fucking grasp how red Upstate is. It’s a country-wide rural/urban divide, as anyone who’s glanced at an election map knows.
Also, aren’t you in WV, Cole? Explain that one to me.
Marmot
@SFAW: And what the fuck is your problem with the blue island of Houston? Oh, you didn’t know that?
salvage
Where is his goddamned neck?
SFAW
@Marmot:
Move them to Midland? Odessa? Armadillo? Tyler? Probably keep Round Rock (i.e. for the United States), in addition to Austin, wouldn’t want to lose Michael and the gang. As far as I’m concerned, Houston, Dallas, and the other blue cities can relocate out, along with Austin.
The point was that Tejas is large enough to get the 80+ million 27-percenters in there, and despite recent demographic shifts, it’s still a hotbed of crazy. But if you’d prefer it be Alaska, knock yerself out.
But sorry if – as Atrios would say – I hurt your fee-fees.
Dr. Squid
Blake Farenthold looks like Preston Lacy from Jackass without the personality. Or decent bod. Or movie star looks.
Dragoon
@MikeJ:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_Girls_One_Cup
That’s as close as I’ve gone to the thing, and intend to continue that wise policy.
nastybrutishntall
“Blake Fartenhold.” That’s what my mind told me first, and I’m stickin’ with it.
Plantsmantx
@Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Mumphrey, et al.): @Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Mumphrey, et al.):
Ain’t it the truth?
Fort Geek
On secession: fuck no. They can’t have it. The states belong to all of us, not just to wingnut scum.
However: nothing’s keeping them here. They’re free to hand over their passports and such, give up their citizenship, and be deported.
Once, of course, any financial obligations are settled up. I’m sure the rest of us can come up with some amusing fees and penalties and interest and such to soak them for all they have and delay their departure, just to fuck with ’em. Then there’s processing fees, air fare, destination charges, luggage fees, asshole pay for the air crew having to deal with them, free booze for the other passengers to celebrate the departure…could take years.
Fort Geek
@MikeJ: Shorter Texan Toad: “Don’t mess with Texas, blah blah if Obama can be prezdint so can Ted Cruz…Now listen blah blah blah (remainder of clip is the Toad trying to avoid admitting that Obama was legitimately elected).”
Fort Geek
@salvage: He swallered it.
SFAW
@Fort Geek:
I saw it as him trying not to admit that he’s a Birther. Which would add “candy-ass” to the growing list of descriptors for Balakay (not to be confused with A.A. Ron Balakay, of course).
JoyfulA
@Amir Khalid: As part of my education, I attended three autopsies. The sights and sounds didn’t bother me, but the smells did. I couldn’t eat chicken for years.
I also attended surgeries, but behind glass so I didn’t smell anything. The bloodless one will stay with me forever: the D&C, with the patient’s abdomen rising and falling. . . .