Via danah gaz (fka gaz), BooMan nails it:
Mitt Romney isn’t really a Mormon. He’s an atheist who only went along with his father’s faith so he could duck the Vietnam draft. He didn’t actually try to convert anyone when he was in France either. In reality, he spent all his time in Monte Carlo gambling and buying high-end hookers. When his daddy found out what he was doing, he made him come home and marry his high school sweetheart. Actually, he only made him marry her after the second time she got pregnant. The first time, they got an abortion. Then Romney started using some of the mafia connections he had made in Marseilles to import heroin. By the time he became governor, they were flying it straight into a secret airport they set up in the Berkshires. When one of the pilots started to talk, Romney had him killed.
Wait for it….
Now, if we started telling these stories to people, and a substantial percentage of the population started to actually believe these stories, and if congressmen humored and even encouraged the people who believed these stories, and if media figures talked about these stories, and if Congress actually had hearings about some of these stories, then Mitt Romney would know what it’s like to be treated like a Democrat.
Just Some Fuckhead
KABOOM!
danah gaz (fka gaz)
And you use your magical FP skills to get the blockquote to function properly, which I couldn’t do.
Win.
Poopyman
It would help if we had a “News” network dedicated to spreading our stories too.
Just Some Fuckhead
This is one of those things the older bespectacled folks call a “teaching moment”.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Poopyman: Buh buh buh LIEBRUL MEDIA. derp ba derp fart
Kolohe
Hell, if even just half that shit was true, I’d actually wind up voting for him.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Kolohe: LOL
Well, there’s the dead hooker in Altoona…
dead existentialist
Soooo . . .Ann Romney had Vince Foster whacked? Retroactively? Wow.
feebog
Everything but Vince Foster, very nice.
feebog
Ha, DE beat me by a nanosecond…
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@feebog: I actually thought of Vince Foster when I read the part about the murdered pilot.
Poopyman
@feebog: Oh, he’s in there.
ETA @danah gaz (fka gaz): That was my take on it.
PurpleGirl
I feel sorry for Vince Foster’s family… what they have to try and ignore all these years later as his name and fate is invoked again and again.
OTOH, it does make the point very well.
Nunca el Jefe
That was awesome.
amk
Yup. The chicago thug along with that vegas crook is now making the rethug to wear that crappy shoe and the corrupt corporate doesn’t like it at all. Fuck’em.
Comrade Jake
I just continue to be amazed by the fact that Harry Reid is the guy who has decided it would be a lot of fun to totally fuck with Romney in this way.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Comrade Jake: I’ll take it.
I have more respect for Reid today than I had throughout his entire history of holding public office.
ETA: Honestly, I actually disliked him before this. (filibuster cave, among other things)
KG
I don’t know… Do we have proof that any f that stuff is untrue? Do we know that Romney isn’t an atheist in his heart? And where’s his transcripts from his mission? And his tax returns including the 1099-G?
Would it be irresponsible to speculate…?
Elizabelle
Nancy Brinker out as CEO at Susan G Komen, although she’s taking a role in “revenue creation” and global strategy.
NYTimes:
Woo hoo. Took long enough.
David Koch
You forgot how they found Romney with a live boy and dead girl after a three day bender in Vegas.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@KG: I never get tired of people wielding Cokie’s Law like a club against these jerks.
Also, yes! – let’s see the long form documentation =)
If I giggle any harder, I’m liable to pee myself.
Just Some Fuckhead
@KG:
I take him at his word if he said he’s not an atheist. I didn’t hear him address it and I can’t speak to his sincerity.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Just Some Fuckhead: too. serious. for. thread.
=)
/scratches head
or wait. has he ever claimed he believes in God? I’ve honestly never checked
patroclus
Hounding Vince Foster into suicide and then doubling down by blaming it on a murder by the Clintons was, indeed, one of the most vicious examples of the right wing machine ever. I was stunned when it happened and fully expected at least some remorse from Robert Bartley et. al….but it didn’t happen and they instead gloried in it. Andrew Jackson blamed his opponents for something similar involving the death of his wife, but it’s hard to think of another historic example which better exemplifies the utter depravity of the Republicans.
KG
@Just Some Fuckhead: Now, I’m not saying he’s an atheist. I’m just saying, he says and does a lot of things that atheists say and do… But if he says he’s not an atheist, who am I to say he is?
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@David Koch: “You forgot how they found Romney with a live boy and dead girl after a three day bender in Vegas.”
In Romney’s defense, he killed that boy and dumped his body in a Castle Valley park.
David Koch
@Comrade Jake:
I read a plausible explanation for this. Reid is a Mormon himself, and he was told by church officials that Romney refused to donate for 10 years because he wouldn’t make any contributions unless he got a write-off and he couldn’t get a write-off as long as he didn’t owe any taxes.
maya
Before you all get carried away, this reverse double twist may very well be an unlawful copyright infringement of the GOP play book.
I’m sure you’ll be hearing from Prince Reefus’ lawyers any minute now with the cease and desist order.
Just Some Fuckhead
@danah gaz (fka gaz): Which God? Mormons believe everyone can become a god.
clayton
Obama addressed the outrage of his day as a young man — apartheid.
Romney, not so much.
scav
Served nicely cold and worth the wait — especially as I assume this means the damage lasted (is lasting) longer than they once expected.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Just Some Fuckhead: Oh yeah. I seriously do not get these people. That said I know a few, and they’ve got a lot more character than Rmoney. But still… the whole thing is sort of odd to me. And they keep changing the rules. I can’t keep up.
David Koch
Romney holding investments for Osama bin Laden is gonna difficult to explain when it comes out.
Pen
@Just Some Fuckhead: Not if you’re black, then you just get to be supreme servent for eternity or some bullshit like that. Or have they retroactively modified that policy since racism went out of style?
Biff Longbotham
Justwaitaminute!! You mean that stuff ’bout Mitt ain’t true?!?!
The Dangerman
We should start a fringe political movement; instead of little pocket constitutions, we’ll wave our 1040’s. Our motto? “No representation without (proof of) taxation”.
David Koch
@clayton: Romney addressed the outrage of his day by partying in Paris during Vietnam war.
Just Some Fuckhead
@danah gaz (fka gaz): Sorta imagine them as Doomsday Freemasons.
redshirt
Jack Booted Black Helicopters (w/ vegans).
Also too: Fight the Power.
Citizen_X
@Comrade Jake: Seriously. The Clue game nobody would’ve won: Harry Reid in the hallway with the shiv in the back.
srv
And you know Mitt was a protestor too?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2083002/Mitt-Romney-19-demonstrated-favour-Vietnam-War-draft.html
pics
Culture of Truth
You LIE!!!!!
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@srv: If the world were a just one, I’d be surprised and appalled. Jesus wept.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Just Some Fuckhead: That just makes it more weird. Though I think that might be because it actually helps me understand where they are coming from.
meh.
BGinCHI
So Mitt is the crippled guy in The Usual Suspects or Kaiser Soze?
Wait.
Both!
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@BGinCHI: If Mitt was Verbal (the “crippled guy”), he’d be beating Obama like a rented mule.
redshirt
O-Man cannot lose. I predict odds of Obama victory at 98%. Take that, Vegas Fat Cats!
JustAnotherBob
@David Koch:
“I read a plausible explanation for this. Reid is a Mormon himself, and he was told by church officials that Romney refused to donate for 10 years because he wouldn’t make any contributions unless he got a write-off and he couldn’t get a write-off as long as he didn’t owe any taxes.”
A simpler version – Mitt tithed 10% of taxable income.
On those years in which he screwed up and didn’t get everything written off….
danielx
Yep. Fits right in with Mark Helperin’s anguish over crossing lines of decency, doesn’t it now?
But…but…blowjobs! And not that a lot of Republicans are racists, but that imposter in the White House is a blackBLACKblacketyblack Islamososhulistfascist who is going to take away your guns and raise your taxes and give the money to brown people! (Did we mention he’s black?)
Republicans being pissy over Democratic campaign tactics…after listening to decades of Republican horseshit, words cannot express the number of fucks I don’t give over their wails.
BGinCHI
@danah gaz (fka gaz): Even better:
Obama is Max Fischer and Romney is the Blume twins.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
Fighting dirty feels good at the time, and it happens to be effective.
Fuck the mythical “moral high ground”. There’s plenty of time to shower after the election.
Spectre
Christ this thread is stupid. Democrats (and republicans) both get a better treatment than pretty much any groups in the history of ever. Listening to the authoritarian sillies here, one would also forget that the democrats had contributed to several million dead people over the last few decades.
I think Doug is just trying to recover from being owned by Bernard earlier.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@BGinCHI: You are a sick human being. The worst part is, I knew who “Max Power” was, but I had to google the “Blume twins”. And I’m not even into porn. Does this say more about me, or our culture?
Either way, your comment… fuck. I’m no longer hungry.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Spectre: Well, somebody had to say something simultaneously stupid and sanctimonious. Thanks for volunteering.
BGinCHI
@danah gaz (fka gaz): “Rushmore” reference.
I hope you were snarking cuz it’s unusual for me not to follow what the fuck you’re talking about…..
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@BGinCHI: My bad, I skimmed your comment and read Max Power where you said Max Fischer (ETA: I’m not sure why, maybe all the dead hooker, live boy stuff, etc).
I’m sure that leads to an entirely different visual. FTR, I’ve never seen Rushmore
Anya
Did you hear the one about Mitt Romney’s colony for Aborted Fetuses in the pacific? So a buddy of mine has a father in the military, who is in the higher ups of all intelligence soldiers in the Texas National Guard. So he gets a call from this recruiter who’s looking for well trained army men to work on an Island in the pacific and he asks him to sign with him without giving him a brief background on what he’s being signed up for, exept to say, he’ll be well compensated. Turns out he was hired to guard a little island in the pacific that has all the fetuses by Stericycle. Apparently These fetuses are used for cloning to creat little Mitts.
Turgidson
Yeah, BooMan posted something we’ve all been thinking over here in the reality-based community for a long time now, but this campaign has just brought it to a new level.
The Romney campaign is based on big lies, spews lies every day about the president and his policies, Romney lies about things in his background that are verifiable by fucking government documents, he’s now trotting out the fucking welfare queen schtick with a total fucking lie, he’s lying about the Ohio voting suit, and he has tens of millions of angry white man dollars saturating a dozen states’ airwaves with dirty fucking lies about the president and his party.
The greatest hits of lies and smears Democrats have faced in the past decade or two are well-known.
And this fuck Romney and the fucks who enable him like Halperin and Brooks and Kessler and even-the-liberal-Kevin Drum hyperventilate the SECOND Obama or anyone on his side brings a little bit of heat. They pontificate endlessly about how uncivil it is. They invent ways to accuse “us” of lying or stretching the truth even when the truth is firmly on our side – jesus, even signed SEC documents don’t discourage them from calling Obama a liar and ignoring Romney’s whoppers. Then they just wail about how unseemly it all is.
FUCK. THEM. Where the fuck were they the past…oh, I don’t know, TWENTY FUCKING YEARS when anyone who dared to be alive while liberal was accused of hating America, being a Kenyan infiltrator, murdering Vince Foster, black fucking helicopters, Swiftboat fuckers for fucking lies, Max Cleland = Osama…Where the fuck were they with their bullshit outrage then? With their lips planted firmly on the asses of those propagating these filthy smears. Saying fucking nothing. Getting exactly not-outraged-at-all. They can take their phony outrage and cram it up their fucking asses.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Anya:
I heard they were being processed into a rejuvenating face cream for Ann. We may never know the truth.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Anya, @Just Some Fuckhead: Oooh the lulz. where do they end? the lulz. they hurt so good!
@Turgidson: Now tell us what you really think! =)
Anya
@Just Some Fuckhead: I’ve also heard they feed the remains to Rafalca. My source claims that this will make Rafalca immortal. But I can’t vouch for the truthiness of this claim.
RadioOne
I believe that most liberals would probably believe most of that (except for the murder plot on the pilot rat) if there were actually sources claiming it was true.
I’m also getting tired of Frank Rich. He was on Piers Morgan tonight, and he has to be one of the most naive liberal pundits in America. He was one of Obama’s biggest cheerleaders in 2008, but the idea that electing Obama in 2008, and re-electing him in 2012, would by necessity involve engaging in political warfare, seems to be tainting his delicate white gloves.
RichardKanePA
Romney officially gives more than the 10% expected of Mormons to his church. I think because he won’t lie to his church but will pretend to earn less to the US government. This isn’t a smoking gun but it comes close.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Anya:
Well of course Rafalca will be immortal. And the man that sat upon him was Death. And Hell followed.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Anya: ” My source claims that this will make Rafalca immortal.”
I’m sure that’s just for tax purposes.
seaboogie
Seriously love this blog! The trenchant commentary often makes me laugh out loud, especially when y’all get on a roll…would make a great teevee network – what with politics, pets, gardening and food…would have to be in the three digit channels so we could let the f-bombs fly though – especially in the round-table political discussions – like PBS and NPR, but with more profanity and fewer totebags…
SatanicPanic
@danah gaz (fka gaz): Rafalca is a unicorn and Mitt drinks his blood. Or so I heard.
Turgidson
@danah gaz (fka gaz):
Actually, that post didn’t really capture how disgusted I am. I’m not sure the English language can.
MikeJ
@SatanicPanic: A unicorn can only be tamed by a virgin. Has the Romney marriage ever been consummated? Where did those kids come from?
SatanicPanic
@MikeJ: Mr Hands
MikeJ
@SatanicPanic: And I drove right past Enumclaw just last Friday (hiking Rainier).
SatanicPanic
@MikeJ: Ahh Enumclaw, the joke never gets old. I envy you hiking Rainier, looks beautiful, only seen it from Seattle.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@RadioOne: “He was on Piers Morgan tonight”
I am deeply sorry you were forced to watch that. And here I though that the United States had ended it’s policy of torture. You’ll be in my prayers.
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@MikeJ: Actually, I heard that Mitt Romney is a unicorn, so that should clear things up. Unless of course Ann Romney wasn’t a virgin.
Joey Maloney
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Nope. Vitamin supplement for Rafalca.
Never mind, beaten to it by pretty much everyone.
HeartlandLiberal
@Turgidson: Dear $DEITY, I love the smell of a righteous rant in the morning. Smells like… VICTORY!
Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937
I personally bought heroin from Mitt Romney in 2003 while he was governor. okay, I didn’t but someone I know did. or at least they read about it somewhere on the internet.
Gypsy howell
@RichardKanePA:
source?
Nina
Mitt was the driver in a car accident in which his boss’ wife was killed and the boss was grievously injured, back when Mitt was a missionary in France. Mitt took over and ran the French mission after that.
These are verifiable facts, an unscrupulous person could make a hugely nasty rumor out of them.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
Damn but that is zactly the truth, and well put (duh).
Uncle Cosmo
@danah gaz (fka gaz):
My sediments exzachary. I am soooo stealing this for my new sig line over at GOS. (With attribution o’cours.)
Judas Escargot, Acerbic Prophet of the Mighty Potato God
Nothing offends the Village courtiers more than Obama & the Dems going off-script. Their status and their entire sense of self rides on the proverbial Game, and how they’re the ones ‘in’ it while the rest of us are ‘out’.
This is why Reid’s Gambit is getting so much pushback. He’s showing a flagrant disregard for the unwritten rules, and with that, showing a cold quiet contempt for the hanky-flutterers and other moral scolds. I love this.
Harry Reid: Punk. Who knew he had it in him?
Someguy
There’s no need to make shit up. Romnney killed a woman – Joe Soptic’s wife – and probably a lot of other people with his heartless corporate mercenary tactics at Bain.
Just tell the truth about him, if you want to demonize the SOB.
shortstop
@Someguy: Oh, Someguy, there you are. Have you apologized to litlebritdfrnt for calling her a liar when she correctly referenced the letter in which Michelle Bachmann complains about Sikhs’ “special treatment”?
Someguy
So you pulled a different letter than the one that was under discussion, one that didn’t gripe about the Sikhs per se but cited DOJ testimony describing an entire outreach program – and which was in fact complaining about the Muslim brotherhood? Bachman would have had trouble citing the program she had a beef about, unless she was to say it related to “Muslims, _______s and people of Arab and South Asian descent,” the way that the AAG describes the program. So you cite a different letter, and a tangential reference to Sikhs as proof of Bachman condemmning the Sikhs and complicity in the Sikh Temple shooting.
That passes for honesty in these parts, huh?
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Uncle Cosmo: You’re welcome. I suggest 10′ tall neon letters, but a sig works too =)
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@Someguy: It’s deeper than that. For example, see Judas Escargot, Acerbic Prophet of the Mighty Potato God.
He nailed it.
Not only that, it’s fun to watch Goopers be WATBs. Plus, being a WATB is no way to win. They can dish it out, but I assure you that they can’t take it. They have no idea where to even start when the very tactics they employ are being deployed against them. That’s what this is about.
evinfuilt
@Just Some Fuckhead:
off-topic,
That belief I think is the core reason for the Mormon Author Brandon Sandersons novels. All of them seem to deal with normal people becoming Gods of their own planets. Very enjoyable books, but his upbringing really shines through in that portion.