Bring on the meteor
By DougJ, Head of Infidelity August 23rd, 2011
I don’t want to be part of a civilization that awarded this writer three Pulitzer prizes:
Meanwhile, Mr. President, on a rainy day, rent the movie “Tin Cup.” There is a great scene where Dr. Molly Griswold is trying to help Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy, the golf pro, rediscover his swing — and himself. She finally tells him: “Roy … don’t try to be cool or smooth or whatever; just be honest and take a risk. And you know what, whatever happens, if you act from the heart, you can’t make a mistake.”
Do you?
Posted in We Are All Mayans Now
The mustache of hackney.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:02 am
Gives a new and fresh meaning to the word “wanker,” he does. Thanks for excerpting so we don’t have to click through.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:03 am
Oh, fucking hell. But it could have been worse: he could have used The Legend of Bagger Vance so that Obama could have played either the hapless golfer or the Magical Negro.
But if you do want meteors, fire and brimstone, and lots of monsters to kill, there’s this. It’s a tower defense game that’s actually fast and good.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:03 am
Friedman is often, even usually, an ass.
But could you please point out exactly, precisely, where this particular column is concerned, he is wrong? Thank you.
DougJ, has Cole assigned you the role of BJ UberObot, full stop, as a matter of providing drama and as a sop to the low level Obot trolls here? That being the case would explain most of your posts.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:03 am
The few times I’ve attempted to play golf, all the risks were with the other players in range from one my deranged golf shots.
Good movie, and where I learned the term “lay up”.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:05 am
Obviously, Friedman’s a hack, but the funny part of this paragraph (to me, anyway) is the bit where he says Obama should rent a movie. I’ve always found the process of renting movies to be vaguely irritating, as I am very lazy (yay Netflix Instant). I hope that the White House has a vast underground storage vault of DVD’s so the president doesn’t have to stand in line or wait for that red envelope like the rest of us.
Also, OT, but pretty cool: Lloyd Blankfein done lawyered up.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:07 am
Coming soon from a porn-mustachioed pundit:
August 24th, 2011 at 12:08 am
where is Matt Taibbi when you need him?
August 24th, 2011 at 12:09 am
No.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:09 am
Is The Mustache incapable of communicating through anything BUT avuncular-sounding aphorisms?
I swear, the guy will next present his proof of the existence of the Higgs Boson based on the existence of a fucking Pizza Hut in Pakistan.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:09 am
As I recollect the movie, when Roy went with his heart and took a risk, he something like quadruple bogied the last hole of the US Open, and played himself right out of first place. Got real stubborn about it too.
Tom Friedman is such an ass.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:14 am
If you’re looking for political solutions in golf movies, the obvious source is Caddyshack. Barack Obama in the Rodney Dangerfield role, Mitch McConnell as Judge Smails (“Hey Smails, my dingy’s bigger than your whole boat!”), Eric Cantor as Spaulding (“I’ll bet you fifty bucks the Smails kid picks his nose”), and the blogosphere as Carl the assistant groundskeeper.
Hey, everybody….
August 24th, 2011 at 12:15 am
Also, OT, but pretty cool: Lloyd Blankfein done lawyered up.
truly, A RED ENVELOPE DAY.
go mustache, go, the world is truly too big and too flat to fail.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:20 am
Suck. On. That, Pulitzer Committee! You have to live with that until the meteor comes.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:21 am
I thought it was Maureen Dowd. But seriously, how sucky are the New York Time columnists. They have, in one freaking place, Friedman, MoDo, Douthat, Charles Blow and David Brooks. Why would they inflict that level of hackery on America?
August 24th, 2011 at 12:25 am
I hate it when pundits go all Dr. Phil on people they don’t know. It’s both creepy and patronizing.
But it makes for great mockery, so there is something to be said for it.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:28 am
Anyone who poses like that needs to be hit with a
2×4nine iron on the back of the head.August 24th, 2011 at 12:28 am
Me and golf are strangers. Back in the day one of my fellow machinists, a good friend, was an avid golfer. “Let’s go out to the range and hit a few,” he would say. “Let’s go down to El Monte, it’s only three holes. I know that you’ll become a golfer the first time you try it.”
We smoked a couple of joints on the way and another in the parking lot of the course. Then we hit a couple of buckets on the driving range and my friend assured me that I was ready to take on the short and easy course.
The first hole had a water hazard, replete with live pink flamingos, close to the tee. I went first, hit the ball a mighty whack with some club or other and the ball caught one of the flamingos square in the chest while it was still on the rise. The poor bird dropped dead without so much as a squawk. After careful deliberation, and another joint, we returned our golf cart and got the hell out of there.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:29 am
Mr. President, I suggest renting a Betamax copy of the Kevin Costner movie No Way Out, because that’s what reading one of my shit columns feels like.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:29 am
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: “Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? ”
“Oh, it looks good on you, though”
August 24th, 2011 at 12:31 am
As long as we’re going off-topic, Obama is such republican:
Primary/Impeach him, now!
August 24th, 2011 at 12:31 am
This line was pretty good.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:34 am
@LTL-FTC:
Right now I bet he’s in NY talking to AG Schneiderman.
Oh my, this is interesting: Shake-Up in Mortgage Investigation
Will they write on his report card, “Doesn’t play well with others?”
August 24th, 2011 at 12:36 am
@Sam Houston:
No way that the banks would pay a relative pittance to be free of the threat of future litigation.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:40 am
I didn’t know there was a Pulitzer Prize for twaddle. Learn something new every day.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:41 am
I’m assuming the risk Friedman thinks Obama should take is something along the lines of “Resign, appoint Michael Bloomberg president, and sell Social Security’s assets to Hu Jintao”. Am I wrong?
August 24th, 2011 at 12:44 am
@The Spy Who Loved Me:
The Mustache received those Pulitzers for reducing the complexities of a global economy to boned wisdom for weak teeth with a hearty sprinkling of aphorisms from mythical taxi drivers. That he is, was, and ever shall be full of shit in no way hinders his career as a columnist and almost guarantees another Pulitzer. Those prizes ain’t what they used to be.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:48 am
The moustasche sucks. On this. Suck on it, you hacktackular asshole.
His retirement from “journalism” cannot come a nanosecond too soon.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:51 am
‘m baking a pumpkin pie, because I have craved pie for months, even if it is August. And also watching Casablanca onTCM. Also am sorta baked and drunky-wunky.
Ah, life is good, esta noche.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:53 am
I’ve chronicled quite a bit of Friedman’s nonsense over at my joint. Like the time he claimed there was an old saying in the Middle East that “a camel is a horse that was designed by a committee.” And other things too dumbassed for me to have permanently committed to memory.
I think it’s a national scandal that he doesn’t have his own entry on Dickipedia.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:55 am
You could also pray for rain.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:58 am
Care to put some serious money on that, Mr Friedman?
August 24th, 2011 at 1:00 am
@Dennis SGMM:
A certain kind of columnist needs to be full of shit, otherwise he has no material for his column. And as you say, Tom Friedman is the preeminent example of that kind. So, you see, he does deserve his Pulitzer Prizes.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:01 am
I have always loved Casablanca, but never more when a little buzzed. A difficult customer, that Rick.
Not one of the main quotes from the movie, but I think pretty dadgum good.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:03 am
Shitty movie and shitty metaphor and shitty writing can sometimes make it a bit hard to see a very valid point buried beneath all the manure.
Obama IS risk averse and isn’t exactly the leftist he’s portrayed as being in the media. He is, as others like Ezra Klein have pointed out, something of a 90s style center-right Republican. (Republicans before they went COMPLETELY off the deep end.)
I support him and he’s light years better than any alternative out there, but he does have a tendency to lead from behind a lot of the time and isn’t exactly the type to really seriously push the political center to the left. I donated funds for him last election, campaigned for him here in red state Idaho, both in the Democratic primary and (futilely) in the general election, but he does sometimes seem to lack a bit of stones.
Yes, I’m well aware of the arguments that he could just know the political inclinations of the Ben Nelsons and the Joe Liebermans of the world better than us armchair quarterbacks, but from this humble, uninformed opinion he can come across as a bit of a wimp at times compared to his immediate predecessor in terms of aggressively going after the things he wants.
See Greenwald.
http://www.salon.com/news/opin.....ama_v_bush
August 24th, 2011 at 1:04 am
@Jenny: You know Jenny, it was other departments which bore the lions share of the effort here. Obama was just a bit player.
NO LOVE!
August 24th, 2011 at 1:05 am
Jenifer, I agree….Howcome everyone regards him as just a joke? I mean, “” Friedman Units”? He’s “santorum” already, w/o any sex tags, I guess. How does his Newspaper not know that he’s a fucking joke? What audience does he command that his publishers need for him to be there in order to getthem? Freidman brings in whom, exactly?
August 24th, 2011 at 1:07 am
Does he have to blow all of the Pulitzer Committee members or just a majority of them?
August 24th, 2011 at 1:10 am
It took all of “Meanwhile, Mr. President…” for me to figure out that was Tom Friedman. They should have a game show based on this concept.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:14 am
Jim C, I would ask to to define “risk averse” in Obama’s term:: health care, Dont ask dont tell, Bin Laden? . Were those risk averse moves? Please explain.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:16 am
“Obama…I am more prone to be inquisitive. To promote discussion. I wanna find out what your thinking was. I wanna find out what your feelings are.
And did you learn anything?”
August 24th, 2011 at 1:20 am
@fleeting expletive:
Same as the rest of the village. They know how to make fourteen dollars the hard way.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:22 am
Quotations from Chairman Mustache
January 22, 2003
October 30, 2003
September 21, 2003
August 24th, 2011 at 1:26 am
My comment to Friedman is awaiting moderation. Doubt it will make the cut so here it is:
August 24th, 2011 at 1:33 am
@Jim C.:
Well, Lord knows I’d much rather have a President wearing a manly codpiece in front of a Mission Accomplished banner because he aggressively wants to pretend his war is over than have a President in who cooly goes to the White House Correspondents Nerd Prom while ordering and overseeing the raid to take out Bin Laden. Because codpieces and flight suits are just so much less wimpy than actually taking out the guy who behind the 9/11 attacks.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:34 am
Gah.
The Zombie Pundits, they just won’t die. Fortunately, they are a tasty corpse for the modern blogosphere to feed upon.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:39 am
@Kane:
I subscribe to Hunter over at the GOS on this topic. He nailed the fantasy that the GOP would be able to nominate a non-crazy, wild-eyed douchenozzle. I quote:
Yep.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:45 am
Trying to remember when Friedman crossed the line from prescient to parody for me.
‘Cause I used to like a bit of what he wrote.
PS: Note that none of us seem to have clicked on to Bobo’s latest, “The Rugged Altruists”, which appeared yesterday. Before the Great Eastern Quake of 2011.
Nothing was going to get me to click that link, much as I enjoy reading the readers’ comments from smarter folks who attempt to school (or correct the misstatements of) David Brooks.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:48 am
“My heart tells me not to slow down” – Captain of the Titanic
“My heart tells me hydrogen is the gas to use” – Designer of the hindenburg
“My heart tells me to trust you” – investors to Bernie Maddoff
This game is fun!
August 24th, 2011 at 1:50 am
@AT: You forgot one:
“My heart tells me that invading Iraq was the right thing to do” – GWB.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:52 am
“my heart tells me we can ignore this warning about Bin Laden” – White House prior to 9/11
August 24th, 2011 at 1:56 am
Holy fuck, that’s painful.
I think I need to watch Miller’s Crossing, which gets “look into your heart” right.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:57 am
@norbizness:
Laser Disc seems more like Friedman’s speed. I would hazard a guess that he collects them much in the same way that Harvey Pekar collects records. Laser Disc player no longer works, but Friedman just can’t let go of his library.
August 24th, 2011 at 1:57 am
I read Friedman’s column.
Strip away the stuff about Tiger Woods and the last paragraph, and it’s actually pretty good.
Although Friedman is naive here:
and unrealistic here:
Because the Republican leadership will not consider tax increases (despite overwhelming support by Americans for them, as part of a balanced package) and they’re using the deficit (be skeered, be skeered) to go after Social Security and Medicare. The U.S. already has less of a safety net than our European neighbors. Obama and Democrats should not give away 40% to get 3%.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:00 am
@Anya:
You might prefer this crew. Or you might not.
OT—This song is catchy as hell.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:01 am
@Dennis SGMM:
This approaches Hunter Thompson’s turf… especially the last two lines…
Nice…
August 24th, 2011 at 2:03 am
@AT:
“My heart tells me that the cartoons that you’re currently looking at are authentic artist renderings of Saddam Hussein’s mobile chemical weapons labs.” – Colin Powell.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:04 am
Note that none of us seem to have clicked on to Bobo’s latest, “The Rugged Altruists”, which appeared yesterday.
The very title made me gag a little. I can smell the Primal Scent from here, and let me just say it don’t smell good.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:08 am
@Mark S.:
You might prefer this crew
So, so much fail. But this George Eff Will blurb caught my eye:
America’s Caesar: Why Chris Christie isn’t running for president.
Chris Christie = Caesar? Uh, in what context?
August 24th, 2011 at 2:11 am
@Spaghetti Lee:
His name begins with “C”. Duh.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:14 am
@Spaghetti Lee:
The knife sticking out from his shoulder blades that was put there by his poll numbers in NJ? Et tu Jersey Shore?
August 24th, 2011 at 2:17 am
@MattR: Caesar salad? I dunno.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:20 am
yeah, risk adverse Obama.
He sent a black ops team into a nuclear-armed, sovereign nation to stage a raid in a town which is Pakistan’s equivalent of West Point to capture/assasinate, arguably, the most wanted criminal on the Earth. What a pussy.
but yeah, obama sux, bully pulpit, tar sands, after Bachman comes Us…
August 24th, 2011 at 2:25 am
@Yutsano: I don’t think Chris Christie has seen a Caesar salad in quite some time.
(And now I feel cheap for making a fat joke)
August 24th, 2011 at 2:25 am
@Spaghetti Lee:
Let me have men about me that are fat.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:34 am
@Mark S.: That song is catchy. But once I figured out the lyrics, I stopped liking it.
August 24th, 2011 at 2:48 am
I don’t like golf, generally hate sports movies and usually ignore Costner but Tin Cup was pretty good.
I do not know why. Sometimes a simple story, 3 or 4 decent actors and solid directing is all you need.
August 24th, 2011 at 3:31 am
You have to admire the man’s courage. Imagine waking up every morning, looking in the bathroom mirror, and realizing that, yes, you’re Tom Friedman – and having the strength to go on. The man’s a hero.
August 24th, 2011 at 3:36 am
Believe me, if I could move to another planet (preferably one without Republicans), I’d do it. But I’m not willing to cash in the only life I have because the planet I had the misfortune to be born on is populated by people so stupid that Thomas Friedman is considered worthy of any kind of award for excellence. Friedman clearly thinks he’s the smartest man alive, but I haven’t bothered to read anything he’s written (with the possible exception of short quoted passages) in many years.
So, for now, hold off on the ELE (Extinction Level Event). However, check back with me the day after the 2012 general election. I may have changed my mind, but it won’t be because Friedman is still writing his insipid crap.
August 24th, 2011 at 3:47 am
@AT: Don’t forget:
“I know in my heart that invading Russia before winter will be a slam dunk.”—Napoleon
“My heart tells me that Heaven’s Gate will be an artistic and commercial triumph”.—Micheal Cimino
August 24th, 2011 at 3:52 am
@Spaghetti Lee: He’s covered in croutons and bathed in liquefied anchovies.
August 24th, 2011 at 3:53 am
@John Casey: But that’s the point. Yeah, Obama could draft a Medicare-for-all bill and endorse Grijalva’s People’s Budget and keep sending it back to Congress over and over and over!
And then he will lose the 2012 election in a landslide.
But, wow, will we ever remember that magnificently thrilling stance forever!
We don’t want liberal and progressive legislation. We want liberal and progressive feel-good moments. Legislative success would mean finding a new issue to find our feel-good moments.
August 24th, 2011 at 5:17 am
@Joseph Nobles: The correct term is “emopants liberal”. The truth is that these people don’t deserve Tom Friedman. He is, in fact, more serious than they are.
August 24th, 2011 at 5:30 am
@MattR:
Chris Christie hasn’t seen his feet in some time.
Feel better?
August 24th, 2011 at 5:37 am
My heart tells me the rich are paying far too much in taxes and the poor have way too much to eat…
August 24th, 2011 at 6:11 am
My heart tells me that Obama would probably like to reenact the scene in the Untouchables when Capone circles the table with the baseball bat – with the entire table filled with columnists.
August 24th, 2011 at 7:23 am
I long for a spate of columns preaching about what asses Cantor, Boehner, McConnell, etc. are and what they should do to redeem themselves. That might be a start towards realistic punditry.
August 24th, 2011 at 7:42 am
“My heart tells me executing this Jesus guy will get rid of his meddlesome religious tendencies” – Pontius Pilate.
As to Friedman, man is paid to send wise vibes to the types of people who attend events like Davos and the Aspen Ideas Summit – you know – producers.
You moochers wouldn’t understand the pureness of his thought.
August 24th, 2011 at 7:55 am
My heart tells me those bitches can all go eat some cake.
August 24th, 2011 at 8:17 am
Mark Knoller’s hit piece blaming Obama for the debt/deficit on Monday was far worse than this typical nonsense from Friedman.
The Republicans wasted no time using that Knoller piece. It almost seemed coordinated, but there is no way a “journalist” such as Knoller would engage in that sort of behavior…
August 24th, 2011 at 8:42 am
Shorter mustache: be the ball.
August 24th, 2011 at 8:46 am
“My heart tells me that my presidency will fail if South Vietnam falls to communism.”
-Lyndon Johnson
August 24th, 2011 at 8:51 am
@Spaghetti Lee: Christie looks a little like Zero Mostel in A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to the Forum?
August 24th, 2011 at 8:53 am
Doug E. Fresh, rumproast is dissing your taste in movies.
August 24th, 2011 at 9:04 am
Hell, no.
But, broken clock style, the Mustache is correct about this:
The president really needs to start selling his policy preferences to voters. Kinda one of those really important things, and he’s not been doing well at it, lately. IMHO.
August 24th, 2011 at 9:09 am
I agree, Doug: I do not want to be part of a civilization that’s awarded the ‘Stache three Pyoo-litzers. Let’s award him a fourth.
August 24th, 2011 at 9:17 am
@fleeting expletive:
Obama read one of his books. It’s on some list that Sully’s crew have up, and I remember seeing a pic of him getting on AF1 with it in his hand. That really depressed me.
August 24th, 2011 at 9:29 am
And to think that all this time, my mother was telling me that what you see on television and in cinema is not real life.
August 24th, 2011 at 9:38 am
My heart tells me this moustache is gonna look really sexy.
August 24th, 2011 at 10:44 am
@Donut:
Obama actually did take his plan on the road, to universal mockery by Republicans and the media.
Friedman is asking why Obama hasn’t done something that Obama has already done. Why the media gets away with this over and over and over again, I have no idea, but it drives me absolutely fucking nuts that no one ever calls them on it. This is about the eleventy-thousandth time that a pundit demanded to know why Obama hasn’t done something that the president did two weeks ago.
August 24th, 2011 at 11:04 am
@Dennis SGMM:
every time i talked to a DC taxi driver about politics they impressed me with their complete lack of knowledge.
August 24th, 2011 at 11:05 am
I look forward to his next column, “Obama, OJ, Killing White Women and Politics”.
August 24th, 2011 at 11:18 am
This quoting a movie or GW Bush?
August 24th, 2011 at 11:20 am
@Mnemosyne:
Blog commenters do the same thing, no less relentlessly. I think the idea is that if Obama (or whoever) had done it correctly, they’d already know about it and like it, but because they neither know about it nor like it, Obama must’ve fucked it up royal. That way the problem isn’t yours, for not knowing what’s going on, it’s his, for allowing you to remain ignorant.
August 24th, 2011 at 11:41 am
“Rent ‘Tin Cup’”?
Heady advice from a man who can’t be bothered to look at proles’ cable TV. Doesn’t the Versus channel (Tour de France and NHL) run this movie, like, a dozen times a week?
August 24th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
@Mnemosyne:
Nice try – but the bus tour was well after the deal to avoid default was said and done.
Where was the sales effort leading up to the deal? There wasn’t really any such effort.
August 24th, 2011 at 12:58 pm
You realize he’s a policy advisor to President Obama, right?
August 24th, 2011 at 2:04 pm
@Heliopause: As is KThug:
That’s mighty big of Obama, considering Krugman worked in the Reagan White House, helping Ronnie implement trick-down-reaganomics.
August 24th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
@Villago Delenda Est:
I just loooove the word “hacktacular.”
August 24th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
@fleeting expletive:
I was watching it too last night. I can never resist that movie, even though I’ve seen it a hundred times. Hope your pumpkin pie came out!
August 24th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
@kth:
We need a “like” button as well as a “reply” button on this site. Like like like like like!
August 24th, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Don’t you people know who you’re mocking?! That’s THOMAS FUCKING FRIEDMAN. That man has forgotten more imaginary taxi cab driver conversations, broken more metaphors, and gotten more insights from billboards than you ever will in your entire life! You all should be kissing the ground where his mustache hairs have gently fallen, blessing the soil with his solipsistic and sybaritic musings.
August 24th, 2011 at 6:15 pm
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September 4th, 2011 at 2:26 am