Woman’s Day and Summer’s Eve Tells Women To Wash Their Vaginas if They Want to Get Ahead
[This is an old post I thought I’d share with the class. -Not!ABLxx]
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That smelly vagina is holding you back, ladies.
Wow, really? REALLY? It is 2010 and some asshats at an advertising agency actually greenlit this ad campaign which suggests that a clean vagina is most important for confidence at work? Who the…?? What the…?? Why the…?? How the…?? Where the fuck?
This ad campaign is so unbelievably sexist—so utterly ridonkulous—that I figured it must be a joke. I mean, Summer’s Eve cannot possibly be suggesting that a woman’s stinky vagine may be preventing her from grabbing that brass ring. Not in 2010. Maybe in the 1950s. But not in 2010.
Well, it’s not a joke.
Here it is. Read it, weep, and then go clean your vagina:
Just so we’re clear, here’s how you can be better equipped to ask your boss for a raise:
1. Clean your stinky crotch. Preferably with Summer’s Eve products. If you can’t remember anything else, remember to clean the old axe wound.
2. “Just as important: Be sure to eat a healthy breakfast.” So, first, clean cooch. Second, don’t pig out on donuts and be a big fatty fatterson. And after breakfast, you might want to clean that vagina again. Just to be safe.
3. “Leave early. You don’t want to be late on a day when someone will be thinking about your performance.” I’m not even sure what “leave early” and “don’t be late” mean. Does anyone know what that means? Black women get a 15 minute window, right? BPT is a serious medical condition.1
4. “Go over your calendar from the past year, look through old files and emails. Jot down a list of all your important contributions and accomplishments.” Write down “My vagina is so clean you could eat off it” as your number one accomplishment because let’s face it—nothing else is important.
5. “Bring quotes from higher ups to the meeting, such as “Great Job on XXX Project! You made me look good.” What the hell does it mean to bring a quote to a meeting? What sort of company doesn’t have a formal review process? Are you just supposed to bring a notebook of shit people have said about you? “For a good time call old Stank Crotch.” Should you have your boss’ name doodled in hearts? What the hell? Just… WHAT?! Who wrote this ad?!
6. “Don’t be afraid of silence. Effective negotiation requires using strategic pauses. These valuable moments allow your point to resonate and give you time to gather your thoughts.” Yeah, lady. Shut your sconehole. Quit talking so much. All you do is talk talk talk: “I want a raise.” “I’m doing the same work as Bob but Bob gets paid more than me.” “My vagina is really clean today, would you like to smell it?”
7. “Don’t let the conversation stray or get personal.” Oh heavens to Betsy! Business is business, ladies. Don’t talk about your little crumbsnatcher and how he is principal carrot in the school play. Don’t talk about your feelings or your personal problems. And for the love of Bieber, do not talk about your dirty vagina.
8. “Focus on the things that you’ve done to improve the bottom line. Today it’s about your worth to the company.” It’s also about how clean your vagina is.
So, that happened.
I don’t know who signed off on this and I don’t know who at Woman’s Day thought it was a good idea to put this insanely offensive and sexist ad in a magazine geared towards women.
Don Draper could have come up with something better than this. Back in the 1950s… when women were supposed to be seen and not heard. And definitely not smelled.
1aka CPT.
[via Alternet]
June 28, 2011 8:58 pm
Posted in: Humor, Vagina Outrage
99 Comments
99 Responses
arguingwithsignposts - June 28, 2011 | 9:01 pm · Link
Personally, I would have put the “old post” line at the top, because I checked the calendar quickly on the way to “read the rest.” Just sayin.
different church-lady - June 28, 2011 | 9:10 pm · Link
Oh, it’s a joke all right. It just ain’t one they thought they were telling.
Parody is dead in the 21st century. It’s only another 30 years before we’re all pouring Bwando on the crops.
merrinc - June 28, 2011 | 9:11 pm · Link
Did I fall into a timewarp? I read about this on GOS well over a year ago.
eastriver - June 28, 2011 | 9:12 pm · Link
This ad campaign was made.fun of months ago. Please keep up, ABL.
eastriver - June 28, 2011 | 9:12 pm · Link
This ad campaign was made.fun of months ago. Please keep up, ABL.
eastriver - June 28, 2011 | 9:12 pm · Link
This ad campaign was made.fun of months ago. Please keep up, ABL.
Trurl - June 28, 2011 | 9:12 pm · Link
TAKE CARE OF YOUR VAGINA AND IT WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU
Not!ABL - June 28, 2011 | 9:14 pm · Link
good call.
Not!ABL - June 28, 2011 | 9:14 pm · Link
i got it the first two times, eastriver.
Spaghetti Lee - June 28, 2011 | 9:17 pm · Link
Write down “My vagina is so clean you could eat off it” as your number one accomplishment because let’s face it—nothing else is important.
To be fair, I doubt the boss will be thinking about much else afterwards.
jl - June 28, 2011 | 9:17 pm · Link
I’m a guy. Is there a Johnson washing solution available, so I have a better chance at a raise?
And no, BJ commentariat, answering ‘sure, the boss’ is not what I am asking about.
The Dangerman - June 28, 2011 | 9:18 pm · Link
I’m still in shock over the thread from last evening about the woman that could use her breast as a Super Soaker; I didn’t know those particular naughty bits could be used in that way. Now, other naughty bits involved in getting a raise (other than the one nature intended). Perhaps I need remedial training in the specifications on these naughty bits.
demz taters - June 28, 2011 | 9:18 pm · Link
“Please Dave don’t let me be locked out from you!”
Studly Pantload, now with enhanced schmuckosity - June 28, 2011 | 9:18 pm · Link
eastriver @6 Your comment was posted.comments ago. Please keep up, er.
j - June 28, 2011 | 9:23 pm · Link
“Just so we’re clear, here’s how you can be better equipped to ask your boss for a raise:”
As a guy my answer is…HERE is how:
1) “Say, tightwad asshole, have you heard about the Lilly Ledbetter law?”
2) Sue the company out of business.
General Stuck - June 28, 2011 | 9:23 pm · Link
LOL
Cool. a feminine Hygiene post.
This one might finally give Cole the Grand Mall seizure he’s been teetering toward.
Hello clean vaginas, goodbye neti pot chronicles.
Svensker - June 28, 2011 | 9:23 pm · Link
I for one had never seen this before. And I am laughing myself silly over N-ABL’s commentary.
TCD - June 28, 2011 | 9:25 pm · Link
A stinky lily ain’t nothin’ conpared to “Schwetty Balls”.
Steve - June 28, 2011 | 9:25 pm · Link
I admit that I’m a clueless male, but I never understood the point of this admittedly well-written rant when I first saw it. This is a company that makes feminine hygiene products. It’s as though you expect them to advertise something other than feminine hygiene products.
Would you prefer “If you care about something as stupid as keeping your vagina fresh, which you probably shouldn’t as a successful and self-confident woman, you might as well try our product”? Because I’m not surprised that one ended up on the cutting-room floor.
Admiral_Komack - June 28, 2011 | 9:28 pm · Link
8. “Focus on the things that you’ve done to improve the bottom line.(...)”
...like that clean vagina…Woo Hoo!
JPL - June 28, 2011 | 9:29 pm · Link
I hadn’t seen it either. I’m not sure that the way to discourage ads is to repost them, just saying. When my children were little, they learned earlier on not to say they wanted such and such because of an ad.
How long before blog ads at the top of the page show feminine products.
JGabriel - June 28, 2011 | 9:29 pm · Link
OT, but, from a TPM article on the GOP’s adulation of Mean Maggie Thatcher:
WTF? A Reagan statue in London?
I’m hoping for a return of gobbing. And literal defacement of the statue.
Seriously, how long do they think it will take Labour supporters to reduce that thing to a molten puddle of class anger and corroded iron?
.
Trurl - June 28, 2011 | 9:31 pm · Link
If your only tool is a douche, you tend to see every problem as a smelly vagina.
General Stuck - June 28, 2011 | 9:31 pm · Link
But who will market get ahead cheese solution swabs?
that could well ruin the prospects of any young up and coming exec.
eemom - June 28, 2011 | 9:31 pm · Link
It has been known for many years that douching is an unhealthy practice.
Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen - June 28, 2011 | 9:33 pm · Link
I hadn’t seen this either. The commentary is hilarious. The fact that this shit MUST be pushing women closer to the day they shoot us all … Not so much.
Comrade Mary - June 28, 2011 | 9:34 pm · Link
For all of you, because I love you all: The Great Wall of Vagina. (I have no idea if it’s available in scratch ‘n’ sniff.) I would normally bitch about the terminology, as what’s actually being featured is a glory of vulvae, but in this context, it works.
(The only other time I’ve forgiven someone for mixing up vulva and vagina was when Sarah Silverman tweeted that riding a bicycle was like flying while being punched in the vagina. Vagina is just a funnier word than vulva.)
Chukwu - June 28, 2011 | 9:34 pm · Link
I dunno, ABL. Don Draper might be on board with this. Have you heard?
Those around the way girls need to wash they ass.
Comrade Mary - June 28, 2011 | 9:36 pm · Link
Don Draper stole that from Redd Foxx!
Elisabeth - June 28, 2011 | 9:38 pm · Link
At least in an office full of women no one can be sure who the stinky one is. ‘Cause we all flow at the same time, too.
cmorenc - June 28, 2011 | 9:39 pm · Link
Well, men should have a clean dick at work to get ahead, so why shouldn’t women have a clean vagina?
OTOH, I can’t recall any OTC products at any drugstore I’ve ever visited with brand names that coyly suggest: “Dick don’t stink”.
Odie Hugh Manatee - June 28, 2011 | 9:41 pm · Link
While this post has me LMAO I can see where some women would be offended by the suggestion to wash their vaggy to enhance their chance of getting a raise. To hell with actual work performance, scrub the shrub! I wonder if they have a Fresh Cash Scent available, maybe even a I Will Work Harder Scent?
I never saw this before so those of you who did can STFU about not!ABL posting about it.
Fucking seen-it-alls.
Chukwu - June 28, 2011 | 9:42 pm · Link
@ cmorenc:
New business idea!
eemom - June 28, 2011 | 9:43 pm · Link
@ Comrade Mary
That “mix up” happens all the fucking time. IMO it’s less a mix up than the fact that (1) the word “vulva” for some reason scares the shit out of certain people; (2) mastering the concept of distinct female organs is just too much for some men.
You know, kind of like how we women coined the term “junk” to refer to the whole male three-piece set.
Oh wait…..
Comrade Mary - June 28, 2011 | 9:45 pm · Link
I never call that assemblage “junk”. It is properly known as “wedding tackle”, even if you’re shagging in sin.
mellowjohn - June 28, 2011 | 9:46 pm · Link
as embarrassing as it would be to be employed by an ad agency who lets a turkey concept like this make the final cut – let alone being the one who has to present it as the agency’s recommendation – (and i’ve been in both situations), keep in mind that it’s the client that makes the final choice and puts up the money for dreck like this.
Wilson Heath - June 28, 2011 | 9:46 pm · Link
Tangentially related: is the pejorative “douchebag” gendered or not? In my conception, it at least predominantly refers to males. (Mrs. Heath, for one, disagrees.)
The ad does make me wonder whether the ladies are “taking it back.”
eemom - June 28, 2011 | 9:46 pm · Link
@ Elisabeth
it’s them pheromones whut does that.
Ed Marshall - June 28, 2011 | 9:47 pm · Link
Just, what the hell. There are like 23423423 Ed Marshall’s in the United States and that’s why I don’t bother with a pseudonym, but…
Yes, douches are horseshit. The pairing of work role and psuedoscience vaginal hygiene is reprehensible. We have that straight….However…
Is there a way to tell someone that they have a yeast infection, and you know because you eat them out and there is an alkaline taste like eating a battery, and your nose is right there to and it has a distinctive smell? I’ve tried that and it never goes over well.
Dennis SGMM - June 28, 2011 | 9:48 pm · Link
I’m surprised that the ad didn’t begin, My husband and I were “just friends” until I started using…
Martin - June 28, 2011 | 9:49 pm · Link
Companies want you to buy their crap. Radical new concept. If they thought selling Summer’s Eve as a cocktail mixer would boost sales, they’d do it in a second.
And ladies must not remember Smilin’ Bob selling men on how having a chubbier chubby would get men that promotion and land a little somethin’ on the side at the office holiday party. Nothing new here.
cynn - June 28, 2011 | 9:50 pm · Link
agreed. While I’m at it, let me irrigate my colon. With a garden hose.
Odie Hugh Manatee - June 28, 2011 | 9:51 pm · Link
@Ed Marshall:
Nope. Just keep a tube of Vagasil on hand to brush your teeth with afterward. Then gargle with Massengill and end the relationship.
;)
Valdivia - June 28, 2011 | 9:52 pm · Link
@ Ed Marshall
Not to get into your business or anything, ahem, but doing that might just be a tad dangerous to your health during a yeast infection. Just saying!
eemom - June 28, 2011 | 9:53 pm · Link
@ Ed Marshall
Congratulations. Even I am grossed out.
That said, you should consider that the active yeast cultures are genetically related to those in yogurt, and therefore quite healthful. So stop kvetching and eat what’s put in front of you.
JGabriel - June 28, 2011 | 9:54 pm · Link
Comrade Mary:
Calling it any kind of tackle in America is liable to attract the kind of guy who thinks he should shout “Hut Two HIKE!” before penetration.
.
General Stuck - June 28, 2011 | 9:56 pm · Link
Not sure I ever smelled a smelly vagina in a crowd. Just figured all the foul odors was my own ripe dingleberries. So what were they thinking, Summer’s Eve? We are gonna put this out as code for you ladies who plan to sit on your bosses face for a raise. But it’s business, and sexism often gets a pass in the flows of commerce.
RossInDetroit - June 28, 2011 | 9:56 pm · Link
The point, I think, if to make women terrified that their babygear’s natural aromas will kill their chances at work. So terrified that they’ll shell out bucks for a special product to save their careers.
Did I read that right?
merrinc - June 28, 2011 | 9:58 pm · Link
OMG, those were the most annoying commercials and it seemed they were on constantly.
Mike in NC - June 28, 2011 | 10:01 pm · Link
“How to ask for a raise?” How quaint! Has anybody really done that in the past 10 years?
Elisabeth - June 28, 2011 | 10:02 pm · Link
LMAO
Uncle Clarence Thomas - June 28, 2011 | 10:10 pm · Link
.
.
Nonsense. Please contact my wife Ginni for complete information on a most satisfactory option that is located nearby.
.
.
Anne Laurie - June 28, 2011 | 10:16 pm · Link
I see ABL’s parents are no longer in West Hollywood.
Well, you could try convincing them you love the taste of apple cider vinegar as foreplay. Or offer them yogurt on a regular basis, or slip some probiotic ‘pearls’ into their meal when you take them out. Seriously, from my way-long-ago experience, if telling a partner about a potential health problem ‘never goes over well‘, your communication styles may simply be incompatible… either you need to change the way you’re phrasing it, or you need to look for people who won’t mind your phrasing, or quite possibly both.
Comrade Mary - June 28, 2011 | 10:25 pm · Link
An old favourite: I don’t want my pussy to taste like rain! I want my pussy to taste like pussy!
Majority opinion: it actually does taste like a 9v battery. Go figure.
Lawnguylander - June 28, 2011 | 10:25 pm · Link
If your vadge smells and you work with Miggs, Multiple Miggs in the next cubicle, then, yeah, word could get around and that could hurt you in the workplace. If this is you and you are at the negotiating table with your boss, why not ask for your raise in the form of enhanced medical benefits? You could get great compensation value by hinting that if you get these benefits, you will use them to improve the “environment” in the office for everyone. Win-win.
Comrade Mary - June 28, 2011 | 10:26 pm · Link
Hellllooo? Could some brave person with access to the controls please take my previous comment out of moderation? It’s got a real good link in it.
hitchhiker - June 28, 2011 | 10:28 pm · Link
uh . . . is it really possible to have a yeast infection and not know that you have a yeast infection? itch, burn, discharge, ouch!
i’m confused.
Svensker - June 28, 2011 | 10:36 pm · Link
Well, but let’s consider how YOU would sell Summer’s Eve Vag Wash?
Seriously.
Ed Marshall - June 28, 2011 | 10:38 pm · Link
@hitchhiker
No, It makes itself apparent eventually. It will sort out in two weeks. It’s not about being right, it’s about do you tell them pre-emptively, do you just quit having oral sex and let them wonder why that happened until it makes itself apparent, or etc… choices.
Ed Marshall - June 28, 2011 | 10:41 pm · Link
and I’m done grossing people out, sorry.
Anne Laurie - June 28, 2011 | 10:53 pm · Link
Certain dietary factors have an influence. Rugmunching a smoker really is like licking an ashtray, for instance. And consumption of aspartame, in my experience, has a major effect on the ‘sweetness’ of bodily fluids both male and female. I was still in the dating pool when Diet Coke first hit the market and a great many acquaintances remarked upon it. Of course, this further freaks out the “omg artificial chemicals in my body” people, but it does mitigate one problem of partnering with a smoker…
Citizen_X - June 28, 2011 | 10:56 pm · Link
@ Comrade Mary:
Oh yeah? (Hint: look left.)
bookcat - June 28, 2011 | 10:57 pm · Link
“Hi my name is Gwen and I’m here to wash your vagina!”
AxelFoley - June 28, 2011 | 10:58 pm · Link
Haven’t read the comments yet, but I know this diary is full of win.
Hell, ABL’s—er, I mean Not!ABL’s title and first paragraph along with the ad already has me cracking up.
dopealope - June 28, 2011 | 11:02 pm · Link
Robert Schimmell
Keith G - June 28, 2011 | 11:03 pm · Link
Icky.
Paul Lynde adds his 2 cents.
AxelFoley - June 28, 2011 | 11:04 pm · Link
@ Comrade Mary:
Ok, I done lost my shit. HAHAHAHAHAHA
AxelFoley - June 28, 2011 | 11:09 pm · Link
@ Ed Marshall:
LOL, never experienced that (all the coochie I eat tastes like sweet nectar), but I’ll take your word for it.
As far as telling her she has a yeast infection…I dunno, give her a loaf of bread? Maybe she’ll get the hint.
ABL - June 28, 2011 | 11:10 pm · Link
Heh. You clearly haven’t met my parents. ;)
ABL - June 28, 2011 | 11:11 pm · Link
I have one word for the menfolk: PINEAPPLE.
AxelFoley - June 28, 2011 | 11:15 pm · Link
What are you trying to say, ABL?
Comrade Mary - June 28, 2011 | 11:16 pm · Link
Ooh yeah, pineapple for the win. Also: tea drinkers who never, ever touch coffee are in my personal hall of fame.
Mnemosyne - June 28, 2011 | 11:17 pm · Link
It could be worse—Lysol could still be marketed as a douche.
Yes, those ads are real, and women really were urged to rinse out the ol’ vajajay with frickin’ Lysol.
ETA: Apparently it was used more as an after-the-fact spermicide than an actual wash. I wonder if that’s next on the right wing’s contraception hit list.
ABL - June 28, 2011 | 11:21 pm · Link
that rang familiar. turns out i posted about that too!
Ed Marshall - June 28, 2011 | 11:23 pm · Link
I’m learning something at balloon-juice. Thank you!
Comrade Mary - June 28, 2011 | 11:25 pm · Link
So what does balloon juice taste like?
Ed Marshall - June 28, 2011 | 11:26 pm · Link
usually it tastes like salt and bar bitters.
ABL - June 28, 2011 | 11:26 pm · Link
Righteousness.
No one of Importance - June 28, 2011 | 11:40 pm · Link
I see you’re still butthurt over being called out on your racism, and using petty, nasty sniping at ABL as revenge.
Did you think you posting lots of historical stuff about civil rights activism would make some of us forget your behaviour, Anne Laurie?
And to think I ever thought you were classy. Obviously you’re only classy when you want to show off to the class.
eemom - June 28, 2011 | 11:58 pm · Link
I demand to know where all this knowledge of what a 9V battery tastes like was acquired.
Man on Everready?? Sheeyit. Somebody alert Santorum, dogfucking is SO last century.
No one of Importance - June 29, 2011 | 12:13 am · Link
According to Cole, you’re the one who likes to lick electrical outlets. Some of us started slow, that’s all.
Still don’t know what a vagina tastes like. Between this and the breast milk thread, I get the feeling my Irish Catholic upbringing was even more sheltered than I thought it was.
Corner Stone - June 29, 2011 | 12:24 am · Link
Hmmm…
ABL - June 29, 2011 | 12:25 am · Link
like hope and change.
Citizen_X - June 29, 2011 | 12:31 am · Link
Like Balloon Juice!
It’s the instant test of a 9V battery charge. Your tongue completes the circuit, and bzzt! Can’t do that with an AAA battery.
Odie Hugh Manatee - June 29, 2011 | 12:38 am · Link
Happiness.
I should try to see if a vaggy can power one of my guitar effects pedals.
Plug it in plug it in…
AxelFoley - June 29, 2011 | 1:10 am · Link
Only at Balloon Juice, folks. Only here.
jimbob - June 29, 2011 | 1:21 am · Link
@Comrade Mary 27: It’s a funny ole world. (Thanks for that.)
Pseudonym - June 29, 2011 | 1:24 am · Link
@Citizen_X:
Speak for yourself.
driftglass - June 29, 2011 | 1:27 am · Link
Twatfloss: The next great BBC detective series, or the indispensable between-interview hygiene product for the 21st Century fancy lady on the go?
Restrung - June 29, 2011 | 1:44 am · Link
this thread is going to give me dreams, I know it.
Steeplejack - June 29, 2011 | 2:35 am · Link
You’re recycling 10-month-old vagina outrage? That is some sad shit right there, ABL.
Don’t bring it if you can’t bring it fresh.
ABL - June 29, 2011 | 2:53 am · Link
yawn.
:)
Pseudonym - June 29, 2011 | 3:03 am · Link
Just wrote a Greasemonkey script to add back in some damn reply links. Anyone interested? http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/105739
Nancy Irving - June 29, 2011 | 4:27 am · Link
Now we know why they are called “service” magazines.
Less Popular Tim - June 29, 2011 | 9:43 am · Link
I’m confused. Just speculating of course, but I think how this would work is that you would be the boss’s Johnson washing solution.
Tonybrown74 - June 29, 2011 | 10:16 am · Link
Thank the gods that I’m gay.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal - June 29, 2011 | 10:16 am · Link
i am not touching this one with a pole of unspecified but not undetermined length.
No one of Importance - June 29, 2011 | 8:02 pm · Link
I thank them I’m straight.
not a gator - July 4, 2011 | 1:45 pm · Link
And ladies must not remember Smilin’ Bob selling men on how having a chubbier chubby would get men that promotion and land a little somethin’ on the side at the office holiday party. Nothing new here.
Smilin’ Bob ran afoul of the FDA and FTC multiple times, in addition to the class action lawsuits. He was removed from the air at least once pursuant to a consent decree, but, like the Hydra, he came baaa—-aaack.
It’s called context.