A new religion that will bring you to your knees
Cheney (via) goes beyond the usual Ryan fluffing:
“I worship the ground that Paul Ryan walks on,” Cheney said, according to the Houston Chronicle.
Fucking the poor is a religion with these assholes, it really is.
May 26, 2011 3:45 pm
Posted in: Fuck The Middle-Class, Fuck The Poor
94 Comments
94 Responses
beltane - May 26, 2011 | 3:49 pm · Link
It’s a good thing there is no god, because he or she would surely smite us for elevating these wretched specimens of humanity to positions of power.
arguingwithsignposts - May 26, 2011 | 3:49 pm · Link
So, wait, if Dark Lord Satan worships Ryan, what does that make Ryan?
ChrisS - May 26, 2011 | 3:49 pm · Link
No. It’s all bout pissing off liberals.
Ryan’s plan pisses off liberals, therefore, it’s Teh Greatest Thing Ever. If the democrats came out tomorrow for restricting the amount antifreeze you can ingest, poison control centers would see a 27% increase in their case load.
Ugh - May 26, 2011 | 3:50 pm · Link
The poor are hot.
Martin - May 26, 2011 | 3:50 pm · Link
So does that make Paul Ryan the messiah? Anyone seen his birth certificate?
EconWatcher - May 26, 2011 | 3:51 pm · Link
Well, with Cheney’s popularity rating, that endorsement should really give the Ryan plan a much-needed boost.
Bulworth - May 26, 2011 | 3:51 pm · Link
Well, Cheney probably has access to a good deal of private health insurance, so really, what does he need with Medicare?
Brian R. - May 26, 2011 | 3:53 pm · Link
@EconWatcher:
My thoughts exactly. Thanks, Dick!
cleek - May 26, 2011 | 3:53 pm · Link
i hope he does run for president, because the country still doesn’t know what unadulterated wingnuttery smells like.
Martin - May 26, 2011 | 3:53 pm · Link
Well, I think T-Paw is done. Killing Medicare isn’t going to play well in Iowa and NH. Maybe Ryan is the messiah. I haven’t seen this many politicians rush to their death for a cause in my lifetime.
Martin - May 26, 2011 | 3:55 pm · Link
@Bulworth: He’s not on Medicare. He’s on 11 layers of lifetime federal coverage. He doesn’t give a fuck what happens to Medicare or the free market, beyond how it impacts his stock portfolio.
Stooleo - May 26, 2011 | 3:56 pm · Link
Seriously, why isn’t Cheney dead yet? I’ll answer my own question.
But, again, from a Karma standpoint, why isn’t he dead yet? It’s like there is no God..
reflectionephemeral - May 26, 2011 | 3:57 pm · Link
Dick Cheney, 2004: “Deficits don’t matter.”
Paul Ryan votes for Medicare Part D, the invasion of Iraq, and the Bush tax policies.
Flash forward to today—Ryan claims to be super het up about the deficit (his Roadmap would have continued adding to it until 2063, but whatever), and says we need to end Medicare.
Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it was an ethos. Republicans believe in nothing.
Just Some Fuckhead - May 26, 2011 | 3:58 pm · Link
That’s like Satan giving Charlie Manson a high-five.
cleek - May 26, 2011 | 3:58 pm · Link
@Martin:
once someone breaks away from the pack, he will start tempering his positions. and odds are good the MSM will be happy to ignore the change-up.
Tonal Crow - May 26, 2011 | 3:59 pm · Link
I was pretty sure Cheney worshiped the ground upon which Sauron walked, so it’s no big deal that he’s now blowing Ryan also too.
rob! - May 26, 2011 | 3:59 pm · Link
Could Ryan ask for a WORSE endorsement? Maybe if Bin Laden’s dying words were “I support the Ryan plan!” BLAM-O!
Spaghetti Lee - May 26, 2011 | 3:59 pm · Link
The campaign ads write themselves. Get a picture of Dick snarling at the camera (there are many) and say that this guy loves Paul Ryan’s medicare-killing plan. Do you?
Seriously, Darth Vader has got to be one of the least popular politicos in America. I bet Ryan wasn’t looking for this particular endorsement.
MattF - May 26, 2011 | 4:00 pm · Link
Consider that Cheney was acting-President for eight years, and that will give you some idea of where we really were, as a country, for 2000-2008. I like Obama for many reasons, but being not-Cheney has to be a big one.
Linda Featheringill - May 26, 2011 | 4:01 pm · Link
Human sacrifice.
I have been watching a series of lectures on ancient history via the internet and just yesterday listened to the professor tell us how lots of religions in lots of places practiced human sacrifice at one time or another. However, he said that this is something that societies evolve out of. Today, even “primitive” societies do not condone human sacrifice.
The prof is probably mistaken. He hasn’t taken a good look at the current Republicans.
&*^%$) jerks.
Han's Solo - May 26, 2011 | 4:01 pm · Link
I don’t think these people will be happy until we go back to the “good old days.” You know, when you could own people who were less than pasty white and beat your wife without fear of the law.
Sigh. Sorry, it’s just all so sad.
Martin - May 26, 2011 | 4:02 pm · Link
@cleek: I’m not sure Iowa caucus voters will. They seem to quite enjoy proving the MSM wrong.
MikeB - May 26, 2011 | 4:03 pm · Link
Super rich individuals, corporations, and the politicians who serve them:
when do we start calling these people unpatriotic?
They don’t want to pay taxes, they don’t want their kids to fight in wars,
they want to be free to wreck the environment and extract every last
dollar from the lower classes and let the USA as we know it devolve
into third world status.
They seem to hate America, don’t they?
Unpatriotic, an adjective whose time has come.
arguingwithsignposts - May 26, 2011 | 4:06 pm · Link
@MikeB:
Fixed for more accuracy.
eemom - May 26, 2011 | 4:07 pm · Link
so, looks like Cheney is not going to pull a Lee Atwater.
Either he’s in denial that he’s gonna die soon or he really is Satan and is looking forward to retiring to his vacation home.
KG - May 26, 2011 | 4:07 pm · Link
@ChrisS: This, a million, billion times, T.H.I.S.
Failure, Inc. - May 26, 2011 | 4:10 pm · Link
@Han’s Solo: You gotta use a phone book. It doesn’t leave any bruises.
Can’t convict on what you can’t see!
cleek - May 26, 2011 | 4:10 pm · Link
@Martin:
by ‘breaking away from the pack’, i meant: has the nomination pretty much in the bag – that lull in the late spring as the last states go through their perfunctory primaries even though it’s obvious who will win. it’ll be long past Iowa’s time.
jrg - May 26, 2011 | 4:16 pm · Link
Dick “Deficits don’t matter” Cheney? That one?
Good lord, what an evil fuck. I guess deficits don’t matter only when you’re borrowing money to kill hundreds of thousands of people. Deficits do matter when concern trolling about them can be used to kill hundreds of thousands more.
Zifnab - May 26, 2011 | 4:17 pm · Link
I just want to point out that if a Democrat had made a similar claim towards Obama, we’d hear wall-to-wall screeching from the Religious Right about how we’re all Obama-worshiping Satanist amoral communist monsters.
Ash Can - May 26, 2011 | 4:20 pm · Link
@Martin:
The messiah’s job was to die for everyone else. Cheney and Ryan have it ass-backwards.
hildebrand - May 26, 2011 | 4:20 pm · Link
Jesus wept.
MikeB - May 26, 2011 | 4:24 pm · Link
@arguingwithsignposts: Yeah, your term
is more accurate, but “unpatriotic” resonates better with the public, as Cheney
and Bush proved during their administration.
trollhattan - May 26, 2011 | 4:25 pm · Link
Cheney also noted his pulse rises every time he hears Ryan speak and sure enough, when a reporter played a Ryan video a loud whirring sound was heard emanating from Cheney’s general direction.
Elias Isquith - May 26, 2011 | 4:30 pm · Link
Honestly, Cheney still has the capacity to surprise me with his thorough evilness. I don’t bust out that word very often but the shoe really, really fits in this case.
We tend to spend slightly more time thinking of Bush when we reflect on his Presidency, but I do think historians will see Cheney as the central figure—at least of the first 6 years—and the true vessel for the hateful insanity that ran this country for more than a decade.
Cliff in NH - May 26, 2011 | 4:30 pm · Link
..snip..
Although the detainee population at Gitmo have an overall obesity rate of 16% – about half that of Inhofe’s own state – their actual weights from month to month fluctuate wildly. In an email, Michael quoted two members of the Seton Hall Law team on their findings (emphasis mine):
..snip..
Fuck Dr. Evil with a baseball bat.
beergoggles - May 26, 2011 | 4:32 pm · Link
And here I thought Cheney just wanted to bathe in Ryans blood to regain his youth.
Just Some Fuckhead - May 26, 2011 | 4:33 pm · Link
The last three reporters that interviewed Cheney were hospitalized with severe anemia and dehydration. Authorities suspect there may be a radon leak or other chemical contamination, and this may also be contributing to Cheney’s poor health.
Tsulagi - May 26, 2011 | 4:35 pm · Link
No doubt while dressed in his Sunday best wetsuits. This from the guy who said “Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.”
ThatLeftTurnInABQ - May 26, 2011 | 4:37 pm · Link
Stupid me, I thought it was just that Cheney appreciates not being the most hated man in America anymore and was showing his gratitude to Ryan for stepping into that role to take his place.
Cliff in NH - May 26, 2011 | 4:38 pm · Link
http://usconservatives.about.c.....Speech.htm
jibeaux - May 26, 2011 | 4:39 pm · Link
I had a beer bet around here with somebody in which I took the side of “not T-Paw.” I can’t remember who it was, though.
Sasha - May 26, 2011 | 4:41 pm · Link
We really need a Ryan-fluffing tag …
gypsy howell - May 26, 2011 | 4:42 pm · Link
@eemom:
He’s like Henry Kissinger (who showed up on my teevee today on Mourning Joke)—he’ll never die. He is the undead.
SpotWeld - May 26, 2011 | 4:43 pm · Link
I thought fucking the poor was just how they kept score.
Chris - May 26, 2011 | 4:44 pm · Link
@Linda Featheringill: The Onion beat you to it: 20,000 Sacrificed in Annual Blood Offering to Corporate America
Cliff in NH - May 26, 2011 | 4:45 pm · Link
I’m going to get very angry if I keep thinking about this Evil Torturer.
See you guys in a few hours.
Spaghetti Lee - May 26, 2011 | 4:48 pm · Link
@gypsy howell:
Just checked-it’s Kissinger’s 88th birthday tomorrow! What should we get him? I vote for a nice black robe and a pair of metal gloves.
Enhanced Voting Techniques - May 26, 2011 | 4:49 pm · Link
No surprising Cheney is for Ryan. In his wife’s semi fictional book the Cheney double was for hanging the poor for the crime of being poor.
NamelessGenXer - May 26, 2011 | 4:50 pm · Link
Let’s see… Religion is evil. Darth is evil. What’s the problem?
dollared - May 26, 2011 | 4:51 pm · Link
@MikeB: This. I truly, honestly believe this. Now, if only there were some sort of advocacy organization, or “political party,” if you will, that could, you know, point this out?
Just Some Fuckhead - May 26, 2011 | 4:52 pm · Link
@Spaghetti Lee:
Oooo, nice. I was thinking about getting him some fresh dirt from Moldava.
bryanD - May 26, 2011 | 4:52 pm · Link
Ryan just reminds Tiberius
Cheney of one of his favorite tiddlers.bryanD - May 26, 2011 | 4:53 pm · Link
Ryan just reminds Tiberius of one of his favorite tiddlers.
Hunter Gathers - May 26, 2011 | 4:55 pm · Link
Meh. Ryan’s alright, but he’s no box of Special K.
geisha gurl - May 26, 2011 | 4:55 pm · Link
“I worship the ground that Paul Ryan walks on,” Cheney said, according to the Houston Chronicle.
The Chronicle went on “Cheney remembered fondly that he and the boys used to call him Paulie “Sweetdick”, he said with a smile. I’d have a child with that boy, if you know, I had girl parts, he muttered, giggled and then farted. His smile disappeared and he screamed, Liz! I’ve had an accident!”
The interview was, at that point, over.
fasteddie9318 - May 26, 2011 | 4:56 pm · Link
@ChrisS:
I see the basic roots of a strategy here:
1. Democrats come out strongly in favor of massive funding increases for poison control centers
2. Republicans zero out the poison control center budget
3. Democrats come out strongly opposed to the massive consumption of antifreeze and household cleanser cocktails
4. SUCCESS!
Ruckus - May 26, 2011 | 4:56 pm · Link
@arguingwithsignposts:
So, wait, if Dark Lord Satan worships Ryan, what does that make Ryan?
Son of Satan.
Hunter Gathers - May 26, 2011 | 4:56 pm · Link
@Spaghetti Lee: I vote for a free trip to The Hague.
Just Some Fuckhead - May 26, 2011 | 4:59 pm · Link
What the fuck is wrong with this site where it won’t let you lolz or lmfao any more? Did we ban those two commenters?
fasteddie9318 - May 26, 2011 | 4:59 pm · Link
@beergoggles:
No, no, he wants to bathe in the blood of the people Ryan’s trying to kill. He’ll only use Ryan himself as a last resort.
justdale - May 26, 2011 | 5:01 pm · Link
And everyone that mattered lived happily ever after.
fasteddie9318 - May 26, 2011 | 5:01 pm · Link
The great thing is that, if we implement Ryan’s plan, lots of seniors will someday find their pulses racing at the mention of his name. Of course, in their cases it will be because they’ve got coronary artery disease and can’t afford medical treatment, but it’s still something to look forward to.
Fe E - May 26, 2011 | 5:01 pm · Link
@arguingwithsignposts:
God of the devils god of god of the devils
Won’t you help me pray?
Man, I didn’t think I’d ever get to use this in a political context!
ETA: The refernce makes more sense about two and a half minutes in.
Martin - May 26, 2011 | 5:02 pm · Link
@Spaghetti Lee: How about a plane ticket to the Netherlands?
SFAW - May 26, 2011 | 5:03 pm · Link
This raises an interesting theological question: is there an evil version of the Trinity? And, if so, whom should we expect in the roles of Father, Son, and Unholy Spirit? I can see Cheney as the Father, but Ryan as the Son? Doesn’t seem to fit. Maybe Atwater as the Unholy Spirit?
Beautiful.
OK, how about “Anti-American”, “un-American”, “America-hating”, or “traitorous”? They all fit, and they would probably resonate a little more than “unpatriotic”. (Plus they’re all a lot shorter than “hell-bent on destroying the American middle class”.)
me - May 26, 2011 | 5:03 pm · Link
I hope Rob uses that in an ad against Ryan.
beltane - May 26, 2011 | 5:04 pm · Link
@fasteddie9318: Absolutely. The message we should be sending is: The libtards want to deprive you of the right to ingest rat poison. Nancy Pelosi hate freedom and wants to take your rat poison away. FREEE-DUMB!! FREEE-DUMB!
Just Some Fuckhead - May 26, 2011 | 5:05 pm · Link
@Martin:
Nah, prolly just Cologne.
Chris - May 26, 2011 | 5:08 pm · Link
@MikeB:
I asked this in another thread, but reposting here –
Anybody else wonder what might’ve happened if FDR had done exactly that and used World War Two war hysteria as a partisan and class weapon against Republicans and their backers? The same way Republicans later did during the Cold War and war on terror – reverse-McCarthyism, in essence?
Again: not saying it should’ve been done, but it makes me wonder if the Dems would’ve been able to claim the “patriotic” and “strong on defense” labels as their own while putting the GOP on the defensive as the party of enemy-sympathizers.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal - May 26, 2011 | 5:10 pm · Link
well, with any luck, cheney will take ryan hunting.
Jamey: Bike Commuter of the Gods - May 26, 2011 | 5:12 pm · Link
Cheney? The same guy who said that deficits don’t matter is NOW a Ryan acolyte.
I think they’re just fucking with our heads now.
SFAW - May 26, 2011 | 5:15 pm · Link
Just hammering on Prescott Bush being a Nazi sympathizer woulda been enough to satisfy me.
And the funny thing is, it’s usually the Dems who win the wars, and the Rethugs who project onto Dems. (Yeah, I know I’m over-simplifying and not 100% accurate, but if that meme can trash the Rethugs, I ain’t going to lose sleep over it.)
Omnes Omnibus - May 26, 2011 | 5:16 pm · Link
@Jamey: Bike Commuter of the Gods: Really, when you look at it, Cheney is simply in favor of killing people. War appears to be his favorite method, but Pestilence and Famine will apparently do in a pinch. I mean a boy has got to get his Death on, amirite?
gex - May 26, 2011 | 5:20 pm · Link
@ChrisS: Very nice work there. I rarely type this but… LOL.
Just Some Fuckhead - May 26, 2011 | 5:21 pm · Link
@Omnes Omnibus: It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.
Chris - May 26, 2011 | 5:26 pm · Link
@SFAW:
Well, if he had turned the war partisan, it wouldn’t have stopped there – war hysteria isn’t like that. Which is why I’m glad he didn’t do it. It’s just one of the “what ifs” I occasionally wonder about, and how party dynamics might be different.
I’ve noticed.
Actually, what I’ve noticed is that Republicans tend to be wild about wog-bashing, like our little “interventions” in the present day or during the imperial age in the early twentieth century. But they shy away from any conflict where there’s an actual risk of defeat, hence the isolationism in WW1 and WW2 when the enemies were major powers instead of banana republics.
(Too bad, because the wars that carry a risk of defeat tend to be the ones worth fighting. Cuba and Haiti were never going to threaten the United States, but Germany and Japan sure as hell were).
Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen - May 26, 2011 | 5:26 pm · Link
If I were Ryan I’d shoot myself in the face. That’s just creepy.
Cliff in NH - May 26, 2011 | 5:38 pm · Link
.
Yup, Me got it right, Cheney insists we prosecute him for torture based on a factual telling of history.
SFAW - May 26, 2011 | 5:39 pm · Link
Gotta lighten up a little there, Francis.
I had assumed you knew the name Prescott Bush, actually I still figure you do. But apparently WordPress, unbeknownst to me, added the phrase “didactic response requested” to my comment.
And I’m REALLY not trying to get into a holy war over this, just thought your response was a little too je ne sais quoi.
SFAW - May 26, 2011 | 5:41 pm · Link
Chris –
By the way, I agree with your comment/analysis re: which wars the Rethugs go for, and which they don’t. Hadn’t thought about it that way before, but I think it makes sense. Thanks.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ - May 26, 2011 | 5:52 pm · Link
@Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:
No kidding. On further reflection it seems to me the simplest explanation for of all this is that Yog-Sothoth has found a new host (Ryan) and the old husk (Cheney) is being forced to render appropriate worship and obeisance.
Fred - May 26, 2011 | 5:57 pm · Link
Dick fucking Cheney.
Pro war
Pro private prisons
Pro torture
Pro take from the poor give to the rich
All this from someone whos record of military deferments is matched only by his record of heart attacks. A steaming pile of smelly hateful crap. Here’s hoping he lives to have many more heart attacks.
Fred - May 26, 2011 | 6:02 pm · Link
@ChrisS: Not a bad idea!
burnspbesq - May 26, 2011 | 6:09 pm · Link
@Hunter Gathers:
He and Mladic can share a cell. Bout time the Serbs found that sick fuck.
Villago Delenda Est - May 26, 2011 | 6:18 pm · Link
Recall, if you will, that Darth Vader redeemed himself in the end.
I see no such turn of events for Cheney.
SFAW - May 26, 2011 | 6:37 pm · Link
Woulda been nice if they weren’t doing it just so they could improve their chances of getting into the EC (or whatever it’s called these days). Bastards. I thought that lesson had been learned with Barbie, I guess I was wrong.
Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen - May 26, 2011 | 6:41 pm · Link
@ThatLeftTurnInABQ: Ia! Ia!
WereBear - May 26, 2011 | 7:30 pm · Link
What saved us is probably that Cheney loves money more than anything else.
I remember they were screwing up the 9/11 handling, but no one was calling them on it; if they had stayed low-key, they could have been running camps by now.
But they had to go into Iraq, and it started unraveling with that act.
Nic108 - May 26, 2011 | 7:54 pm · Link
Lord Dickdemort hearts Paul “Eddie Munster” Ryan. Ryan’s widow’s peak is a turn-on for No Longer Fat Bastard Cheney.
Mike in NC - May 26, 2011 | 8:13 pm · Link
Paul Ryan is 41 years old. Ayn Rand died at the age of 77 in 1982. Therefore, while unlikely it’s still biologically possible that she had a little fling with Cheney and Ryan is their bastard love child. Would explain a lot.
quaint irene - May 26, 2011 | 8:14 pm · Link
Considering what kind of drugs Darth Cheney must be on…
SFAW - May 26, 2011 | 8:30 pm · Link
Yeah, I’d say it’s pretty unlikely she had a kid at age 65 +/-. Especially since they weren’t doing much IVF or similar in those days.
Normally I wouldn’t respond to a joke of that nature, but reading it made my brain throw up, and I needed to wash the brain-puke out of my mind.
ETA: Although, certainly, if she was as strong and as womanly a woman as Dagny Taggart (and I figure Dagny was supposed to be how Rosenbaum saw herself), then there’s no doubt she could have borne a child naturally.
Of course, it’s much more likely Ryan is the bastard lust child of Rosenbaum and Alan Greenspan. Hope that made YOUR brain throw up.
Bill Arnold - May 26, 2011 | 9:37 pm · Link
@trollhattan:
[Just for those who don’t know, Dick Cheney has no pulse. Really.]