Voting update:
If you haven’t been paying attention, this highly scientific “poll” allows a concerned person of the Tea Party persuasion to vote in a series of head to head contests between candidates. It also shows you little descriptions of their current position and qualifications so you can choose wisely, such as:
Pres. Barack HUSSEIN Obama: Foreign national, darkie and Mussulman fraudulently elected as President. Served three weeks of a Senate term after being appointed due to unconstitutional affirmative action.
Rep. Paul Ryan: U.S. Representative for Wisconsin’s 1st (and best) congressional district, serving since 1999. Wise and politically courageous. Philosophically well-grounded, a passionate and scrappy advocate for his views. Personally modest and unpretentious rather than arrogant and morally preening. Paul enjoys cosmopolitans, abolishing public healthcare and getting caught in the rain.
The polling methodology is:
designed to elicit deeper preferences from voters and make it much more difficult for well-organized campaigns to “game” the system
If you have been paying attention, you will note that the leading candidates, and their “win” percentages, as displayed in the updated picture are exactly the same as they were 24 hours ago. I checked in occasionally and can tell you they have not changed once during that 24 hour period. This is a clear indicator of both the accuracy of the polling methodology and the clear voting preferences of those of us who are voting to save the world from the scourge of having a black man in the White House the evil socialist oppressors.
Music:
Take your pick.
A Capella:
With backing track:
H/t: lamh34
Edited to add – Full current results:
Edited more – A selection of head-to-head contests
fhtagn
You forgot this bit:
Yutsano
I seriously cannot get Spain’s entry in Eurovision this year out of my brain. I think I may have to be put down or something.
fhtagn
@Yutsano:
That’s the saddest thing I’ve heard since Google slaughtered Ann Althouse’s hamster, burned her house to the ground, and destroyed the priceless illuminated manuscript of her previous blog postings complete with comments.
Ash Can
suzanne
@fhtagn: I feel like thrusting my tits in Ann’s face and letting her know that, while Google may have let that bit of sexist ugliness disappear into the ether, my own memory provides me with enough proof of what a shithead and an idiot she is.
This is what’s in my head right now.
Mark B
Jeez, how much work would it have been to normalize the numbers so they add up to 100%?
suzanne
DUDE. His last name is SANTORUM. That’s DISGUSTING.
fhtagn
@suzanne:
Well, I don’t know if Althouse is ready for the sight of attractive breasts. She’s more used to saggy ones covered in black hair. You know, the Ross Douthat chunky bobo model.
Martin
@Mark B: The founders weren’t down with that metric shit. They add up to the standard imperial measurement of percentage, of course, as defined in the Constitution. Your soçialistic measurements assume everyone has an equal vote, which is discriminatory to white males, who the founders considered to be more important. Once you’ve factored in the 3/5 vote for blacks in the poll (exacerbated by Allen West being polled against), women not counted at all, and so on, you’ll find that the polls add up to the proper 8,129 percent.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
Music?
I’ve got a post up at C&L right now:
Duke Ellington featuring Paul Gonsalves, Diminuendo and Crescendo in Blue, live at the 1956 Newport Jazz Festival
Just sayin’…
fhtagn
@Martin:
I think you’ve located Karl Rove’s permanent majority.
hhex65
did anyone ever figure out what is going on in their silhouette graphic?– I see someone waving a bikini top, there’s a pith helmet but no tricorne, possibly Joakim Noah is in the crowd…wha?
Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason
BREAKING!!
Top slot for “Blogs We Monitor and Mock As Needed” goes to Andrew Sullivan.
So how far behind am I, having noticed this just now.
Spaghetti Lee
Poor Mitch. He tried so hard to make the wingnuts love him by gutting planned parenthood, but they’re just so fickle.
Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason
@hhex65: I think I see the guy waving the orange dKos flag in there.
fhtagn
@hhex65:
I think it might be Newt Gingrich interviewing glassy-eyed blonde interns as the underwear starts to fly.
Or it might be the Iraqis greeting us as liberators.
Hard to tell what wingnuts want to commemorate these days.
lamh34
I like both versions from John Legend, but I’m partial to the acapella version.
I seriously would kill to hear a duet between Adele and John L.
BTW, Sara…have you heard that Adele’s ex-boyfriend who she has said was the inspiration the this album is suing her for royalties???? I don’t know how different the law in UK are, but does anyone know if that dude can actually win?
handy
@Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason:
So glad John finally got over that hump and pulled the trigger.
JordanRules
@hhex65: All I know is I see their Galtian overlord on the right looking on lovingly.
Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason
NEW TOPIC for the Open Thread —
Campaign literature from South PA that I saw today: “XXX supports working families and seniors”. OK, sounds good, but let’s flip it:
“XXX does not support families where the breadwinners are unemployed, nor does he support children.”
Here’s my question: is this more Southern Strategy dogwhistle, or just the buzzwords that the Village and the Heartland are expecting to hear, without assuming that unemployment and kids are evil?
Suffern ACE
@lamh34: I believe in olden days, one probably gave some sort of gift or made a sacrifice at a temple to the muse responsible for the creative outburst. I don’t think the muses had standing.
piratedan
new beltway meme for the R’s…. “we’re serious about fucking over the rest of you that aren’t with us”
its that iron first inside that velvet glove and those stiletto heels that while eating peeled grapes image that they have yet to manage properly, to project how much they lub baby jeebus.
fhtagn
@piratedan:
I think these days they lube baby Jesus, rather than lubing him.
piratedan
@fhtagn: well I would have said that they apply him liberally, but for some reason, it just didn’t sound right… so to speak
Caz
You gotta be running out of race cards soon, don’t you?? Even with a 6-deck shoe, you’ve used just about every one in there. Don’t like Obama? Racist! Don’t like the new health care law? Racist! Want more individual freedom? Well, if you’re white, it means you’re racist and only want freedoms for whites. Support a tea party candidate or politician? Racist! Well, of course the tea party is basically just the KKK with a new name, we all know that of course. Should we cut entitlements? Only if you’re racist! But I gave Obama props for killing Usama, a fellow muslim, so I’m not racist after all! ;-)
Get a grip, people. Conservative does not equal racist. And you don’t even seem to realize that your race card agenda reflects on YOU, not all the alleged racists you keep bantering about.
Jewish Steel
Quit being such a philistine. Listen to Callino Casturame & Caleno Custurme – William Byrd & anonymous
And then learn something about it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caleno_custure_me
Jewish Steel
@Caz: Wrong thread, cracker.
piratedan
@Caz: yeah Caz, as soon as you guys stop fielding presidential candidates that state that they wouldn’t vote for civil rights legislation of 45 years ago because they’re concerned about property rights, get back to us, will ya?
Villago Delenda Est
The full results are hilarious. The echo chamber of the mentally deranged in full operation.
I see they’d prefer the lesbian to the mussulman, by epic landslide numbers.
Villago Delenda Est
Yeah, but modern “conservatives” hate conservation. They are not conservative at all.
Given that they’re totally bent out of shape about the nearness of Obama, it’s pretty safe to call them racists.
Ash Can
Someone’s certainly worked up over racism tonight.
Yutsano
@Jewish Steel: RACIST!! HOW DARE YOU!! :)
(if anyone is curious, yes that is snark.)
hhex65
@Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason: yep, flag guy is a Gary Johnson supporter now.
Ash Can
@Villago Delenda Est: I think this poll lifted up the rock that all the PUMAs were hiding under.
Villago Delenda Est
Interesting that New doesn’t get a title in the listing, along with Cain, The Donald, Rudi 911 and Bloomberg.
Everyone else (to include half term Governor Palin and Pornstache Bolton) gets a title.
Studly Pantload
test
(haven’t been able to post since yesterday, trying a test run)
Studly Pantload, now with enhanced schmuckosity
test 2?
eco2geek
The real reason the poll numbers haven’t changed is…well, see for yourself what happened in their offices earlier. Such a tragedy.
Jewish Steel
@Yutsano: I have a good relationship with the honky community.
fhtagn
@Jewish Steel:
I prefer the honky-tonk community myself.
Villago Delenda Est
Hmmm…Ron Paul’s problem, head to head with his son, is that he hasn’t cranked up the crazy to 11?
Is that a reasonable explanation?
Yutsano
@Jewish Steel: I suppose next you’re gonna tell me you have a double combover of doom. Also.
@Villago Delenda Est: That one kind of got me wondering too. It’s like they had their own separate category or something.
JordanRules
@Villago Delenda Est: Oh he has it’s just that Rand’s name reminds them of one of their zombie leaders…not enough to go see the shitty movie though.
asiangrrlMN
Seriously. Me and my tatas are gonna take over that strawman poll. Who’s in?
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@JordanRules:
or that ayn has been moby dicked by the right, they love to talk about her, but nobody reads, nor wants to watch her.
(h/t) woody allen.
Sarah Proud and Tall
@asiangrrlMN:
My strategy has just been to vote for the craziest of the two choices, except when Obama’s name comes up.
ETA: Sometimes it’s quite hard to pick the craziest.
Yutsano
@asiangrrlMN: JUBLEYS!!
@Sarah Proud and Tall: Sometimes it comes down to a coin flip. I think with this motley crew you’re stuck needing a 20 sided die. At least.
asiangrrlMN
@Sarah Proud and Tall: So, Ms. Sarah, without giving away any trade secrets, how many times have you voted?
@Yutsano: I haz ’em! And, they all crazy.
ETA: The candidates are crazy–not my jubleys. They drive other people crazy, do my tatas.
Sarah Proud and Tall
@asiangrrlMN:
Not that much. I’ve yet to see any evidence the whole thing isn’t a fake anyway.
JordanRules
Crazy Jubleys sounds like a good descriptor for Bacchmans eyes.
Martin
@JordanRules: Heh. Someone should make a zombie movie based on Ayn Rand’s works. Guaranteed it’d do better at the box office.
asiangrrlMN
@Sarah Proud and Tall: Hey! My tatas are REAL! Oh, you meant the strawman poll. My bad.
@JordanRules: It actually does. Snicker.
Yutsano
@Martin: That’d be worth doing just to hear the calls of Objectivist heresy alone.
MikeJ
@Martin: Where’s Seth Grahame-Smith when you need him?
JordanRules
@Martin: And zombieland is really the only place Ayn’s shit makes any sense.
Chris
Wait, so, Obama vs Obama, Obama wins by 2%?
Martin
@Chris: Sounds a little low to me, to be honest.
OT: Doing some music library maintenance, and why do Foo Fighters sound like shit in the studio, and sound like pure awesome live?
And just to round out my musical day – wife sang Summertime (Gershwin is as close to religion as I get) and I Wish You Love this aft., two of my favorite songs from hanging out with my grandparents, and tonight I finally broke down and got the Sleigh Bells CD and found the very awesome Straight A’s. Though likely not to many people’s taste – a bit like having a car parked on your chest.
Quite a diverse day.
MikeJ
@Martin: Too much compression like everybody else for the past 10 years.
Martin
@MikeJ: Yeah, probably.
Gotta say, this Sleigh Bells CD is the most interesting thing I’ve heard since Radiohead doing The National Anthem on SNL. That was 10 years ago and I still remember what room I was sitting in when I saw it. Just blew me away – and a great performance of that song, now that I’ve heard, well, a lot of them.
Martin
@MikeJ: Yeah. Foo Fighers studio tracks sound so goddamn flat, they’re just terrible. Thank god for boots.
Dennis SGMM
I’m still trying to figure out the numbers. In every other popularity poll I’ve seen if someone gets, say, 56%, then the others on the poll are left with the remaining 44% to divvy up. This begs the question of how long it will be before the wingers assert that statistics have a liberal bias.
Yutsano
@Dennis SGMM: Especially if you get overly clever and mention Mark Twain invented them. Then again I imagine Twain is sort of a hero for them.
fhtagn
@Dennis SGMM:
Maybe it’s the % of match-ups each candidate “won”? If you don’t match each candidate to each candidate on an equal basis, which seems to be how it works, then you could have some strange and largely meaningless set of statistics where say A and B both win 75% of their match-ups versus C,D and E, without ever confronting each other.
PS. When your opening “choice” is Paul Ryan or Rand Paul, it really feels like being given the chance to decide between Beelzebub and Satan.
MikeJ
@Martin: I just loaded the new I’m From Barcelona and Ravonettes albums today.
Luthe
The thing that proves to me that those poll results are insane is that Christie is coming in at #2. Most of us in the Garden State loath the fat fuck, so I am not seeing how he could possibly be anywhere near the top 5 in any poll. Perhaps he’s only bearable if you *don’t* live in NJ?
Martin
@MikeJ: I run hot and cold on Ravonettes. I’ll check out I’m From Barcelona, though. Mumford and Sons was my previous addition. I love banjos.
I always listen to music when I’m working on a project, and what I listen to will always be associated with that project when I think about it/view it/etc in the future. I’ve got a landscaping project next weekend and my mom will be visiting, so I need to choose carefully – something she’ll like listening to (because she’ll have no choice) and something I’ll always want associated with that part of the yard (because I’ll have no choice).
Ruckus
@fhtagn:
Beelzebub and Satan
You seem to think that they don’t understand who they are voting for. They know. The problem is they don’t want one or the other, they want both. That’s why the numbers don’t add up.
fhtagn
@Ruckus:
Sure. I don’t believe the poll is remotely accurate, much less scientific. I can’t imagine Allen West doing so much better than Huckabee, for example. I am more interested in how, hypothetically, you could generate such apparently mismatched percentages. It’s more a math theory question than anything else.
MikeJ
I think the numbers would be more interesting had they left Obama, Hillary, and Bloomberg out.
It would seem like if the matchups were randomly distributed there should be as many candidates under 50% are there are above 50%. The fact that among teabaggers Hunstman gets anywhere near 40% suggests that they show a lot of pics of the “real enemy” to keep the suckers blood pumped up.
Alex S.
@Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason:
Halleluja!
By the way, the poll clearly shows the superiority of the Tea Party. Their polls have more than 100%.
Ruckus
@fhtagn:
You know of course I was pulling your leg?
I liked your Beelzebub and Satan line and was trying to run with it.
I seriously doubt there was even any polling taking place. The outcome was known before the asinine questions were asked. The story is more important than the
mathreality. And math is hard. At least for conservatives.Frankensteinbeck (The ex-Uloborus)
@Caz:
Much as I think people are too hair trigger on racism around here, over 50% of your movement believes our president is not American. Since the only evidence whatsoever that he isn’t consists of ‘he’s black’, you really, really don’t have much of a leg to stand on if you want to argue that conservatives (as a group) aren’t racist.
Oh, and how about gems like ‘anti-colonialist’?
EDIT – @fhtagn:
We could have BATMAN as our president?!
maus
@25: The racist-lady doth protest too much.
stuckinred
@maus: Did you see Newt recoil in horror when Gregory suggested “food stamp president” had racial overtones?
Lysana
@Caz:
You do realize this phrase says more about you than those you use it against?
Southern Beale
No! It doesn’t really say that, does it?
Southern Beale
Apparently they have checked the pulse of the Tea Party movement and found the patient has died.
I’m sorry, but am I the only one thinking the Tea Party is DOA?
gnomedad
Are the Republicans now doing “Contract ___ America” with rotating prepositions? Except for “on”, I guess.
Sarah Proud and Tall
Not really, but I suspect it wouldn’t surprise anyone too much if it did.
Ash Can
@gnomedad:
Which is always implied, so they don’t bother saying it.
jinxtigr
Oh my God, they think he’s this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SwlqFc8RHA
That is SO AWESOME :D all our Presidents should be Mosselman!
stuckinred
oops
WereBear
We are listening to Olafur Arnald’s latest work, which is wonderful; modern chamber music, we think.
Ghanima Atreides
Alas poor Sarah.
I always suspected you of aspiring to hipsterism.
Wannabe hipsters are uniformly OLD inside even if they sometimes wear youngperson suits.
Disclaimer: Again, Arcade Fire is a band hipsters like, but not all AF fans are hipsters.
Bulworth
After about 20 “votes” I finally got Obama’s name to come up and it doesn’t say the above. Are you just kiddin us, Sarah?
gene108
I voted and voted. I have no idea what voting is supposed to accomplish.
I think I had the same match-ups several times and just kept mashing vote buttons.
Anyway, I want a purple finger for voting today :-)
catclub
@Villago Delenda Est: Nope, the Elder does not cheer loud enough for the Iraq invasion
and other aspects of imperialism. Rand has no problem with those if they make him more electable.
maya
That’s because the Tea Party is a Steeping Giant and they’re asteeping right now.
sacman701
If Hillary had won in 2008 then Obama probably would have beaten her 95-5 in that poll. The Republican media spent most of the run-up to the primaries ripping on her and praising him…up until he became the favorite, at which point they commenced praising her and ripping him.