I realize I should just accept that Generalisimo Jeebus Galt — who wants to starve the poor, punish retailers who don’t celebrate his birthday loudly enough, invade random countries, and hate teh gay — has nothing in common with the hippie Jesus described in the New Testament. But I still find this kind of thing funny and sad (via Far East Cynic):
Reader Interactions
70Comments
Comments are closed.
Hunter Gathers
Ah, Jesus. I like him very much. But he no help with curveball.
Turgidson
Readership Capture tag! I like.
General Stuck
Jesus was a pussy
scav
How’d I miss that one at the time!
burnspbesq
If Assange is ultimately arrested by the Swedish authorities, are we going to get a post titled “Good-Bye to Rosie, the Queen of Corona?”
freelancer
He was way cool.
Edward Current is great, and it’s the John McCain endorsement that lands this one.
Bnut
@Hunter Gathers: Joboo on the other hand…
DougJ
@burnspbesq:
Only if a radical priest comes to get him released.
calling all toasters
Free loaves and fishes make for a lazy, ignorant rabble instead of a thrifty working class.
freelancer
@DougJ:
But what if Megan McCain writes the cover story for Newsweek/The Daily Beast?
Alien-Radio
Bit of help here. I’ve been looking for refernces to jesus money (something like spending a dollar a day since the birth of jesus), mostly as an example of idiotic order of magnitude comparisons, I remember it being used to talk about the national debt during the McCain campaign. I’ve tried googling “jesus money” and national debt, but just keep getting a lod of prosperity gospel nonsense and libertarian propaanda.
freelancer
@Alien-Radio:
Your Google Fu is weaker than mine.
Hunter Gathers
@Bnut: Straight ball, hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jo-Boo to come.
Take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, and rum. He will come.
licensed to kill time
The sneering Mr. “of Nazareth” , community organizer cracked me up.
Cain
a good experiment would be to take two sets of so called christian republicans. One set will work on a campaign for making Jesus president. Put all the logos, all the positions from the bible etc.
Then the first group presents it to the second group, but Jesus gets renamed to some other name and see what the reaction would be. That should educate the first group quite a bit on what Christianity means to various people.
cain
Admiral_Komack
The wingnuts would be screaming about:
Who He says His Father is.
Virgin birth.
The media would be salivating over the question:
“Is Jesus REALLY a Christian?” and reading the Bible and taking things out of context, not to mention challenging Him to perform miracles.
Citizen_X
Let’s hear from Mr. Guthrie (the elder):
Let’s have christ for president.
Let us have him for our king.
Cast your vote for the carpenter
That you call the nazarene.
The only way we can ever beat
These crooked politician men
Is to run the money changers out of the temple
And put the carpenter in
O it’s jesus christ for president
God above our king
With a job and a pension for young and old
We will make hallelujah ring
Every year we waste enough
To feed the ones who starve
We build our civilization up
And we shoot it down with wars
But with the carpenter on the seat
Away up in the capital town
The usa would be on the way prosperity bound!
burnspbesq
@DougJ:
Does Michael Moore count?
Alien-Radio
never mind. missing keyword was Republican.
http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/bigger_than_jesus/
licensed to kill time
@Admiral_Komack:
Not to mention the lack of a long-form birth certificate, properly kerned.
eemom
@freelancer:
Papa looks down and spits on the ground every time her name gets mentioned.
fourlegsgood
We should use those silly tactics on the rethugs.
Davis X. Machina
What would James Baker say? And would it also be unprintable?
Bnut
@Hunter Gathers: The hats for bats line is still one of my top 5 movie quotes ever.
Maody
hmmm, Mr. Nazareth ha ha ha ha ha. WIN.
Zifnab
Would Jesus be political
If he came back to earth
Have his second home in Palm Springs
And try to hide his worth.
Take money
From those old folks
When he comes back again
And say he talked to all those people
Who say they been a’talkin’ ta him.
Maody
and he’s missing for years
cleek
If the real Jesus Christ were to stand up today
He’d be gunned down cold by the CIA
the the
MattF
And I’ll bet he can’t see Russia from Nazareth. Either.
soonergrunt
OFF TOPIC (Sorry, DougJ)
While the post is pretty cool, you all might find the following news blurb interesting.
Today, LTC Terry Lakin, the birther Army doctor who refused to deploy to Afghanistan because he claimed that the President’s eligibility to hold office was not settled and therefore any orders in the Army were unlawful, has been sentenced by a members panel at General Court Martial to six months confinement, dismissal from the service, and forfeiture of all pay and allowances.
Two days ago, he plead guilty to four specifications of Article 92, UCMJ (failure to obey an order or regulation). Yesterday, he was convicted at General Court Martial by a members panel of one specification of Article 87, UCMJ (missing movement by design).
Paris
Jesus is a Jew. We’ve never had a Jewish President, have we?
freelancer
OT – Anybody from last night’s Hitchens thread remember me saying:
That goes double if you’re Julian Assange. Yeesh.
Old Dan and Little Ann
He might heal like Jesus but he hits like shit.
Ripley
This is great news for Judas Iscariot.
stuckinred
But Lakin said Wednesday that despite his questions about Obama’s eligibility for office, he was wrong not to follow Army orders. He acknowledged that the Army was the wrong place to raise his concerns about Obama, asked to keep his job and said he was now willing to deploy.
“I don’t want it to end this way,” Lakin told the jury Wednesday under questioning from his lawyer. “I want to continue to serve.”
Military prosecutors disagreed. On Thursday morning, a military prosecutor asked the jury to sentence Lakin to at least two years in a military prison and to dismiss him from the service. It was a sentence he “invited and he earned,” military prosecutor Capt. Philip J. O’Beirne told the jury.
Xin Loi motherfucker
Tonal Crow
Just a reminder, the “hippie Jesus described in the New Testament” invented eternal “Hell” as punishment for temporal “sins”.
Now, back to the usual religion-huffing.
Morbo
Revelation Jesus is the only Jesus that counts.
srv
I’m sure y’all have read what hypocrites Liberals are about Boehners sobbing… Cause, you know, Bubba did it all the time.
Not that he complains about all the Republicans who made fun of all of Bubba’s tears.
freelancer
@soonergrunt:
“Today, LTC Terry Lakin, the birther Army doctor who refused to deploy to Afghanistan because he claimed that the President’s eligibility to hold office was not settled and therefore any orders in the Army were unlawful, has been sentenced by a members panel at General Court Martial to six months confinement, dismissal from the service, and forfeiture of all pay and allowances.”
YES! Eat it wingnut! Start your oppressed white priviledged martyr tour in July, just in time for the fucking NRO cruise.
Comrade Mary
Let’s have Christ our President
Let us have him for our king
Cast your vote for the Carpenter
That they call the Nazarene
(But I like this Jesus song by Wilco better.)
soonergrunt
@freelancer: Those of us following this case have been wondering what he’s going to do for money when he gets out.
I think he’s going to get hired by Faux News as either a military or a medical analyst.
FlipYrWhig
@licensed to kill time: Well, there was substantial evidence that his birth was recorded in a different place than the one he was said to be from. Not to mention the utterly mysterious birth announcement.
A Ghost To Most
@Hunter Gathers:
Fuck You, Jobu. I do it myself.
Words to live by.
Martin
Has Jesus ever shot a moose? Did he refuse to abort his special needs child? I suspect he would not make it through the GOP primary.
burnspbesq
@freelancer:
You had to post that just as I was thinking about getting lunch, didn’t you?
I hate you.
P.S. I wonder if those are admissible under the Swedish rules of evidence.
soonergrunt
@FlipYrWhig: Is there a sarcasm or irony tag or a smiley face to be appended to that?
Punchy
Can Jesus be a cudlip?
Southern Beale
I can’t even watch this. As a Hippie Jesus type I am so tired of being offended by Rifle Jesus and Free Market Jesus. I need to just say no.
Brachiator
All this Jesus talk reminded me of Herod’s Song from Jesus Christ, Superstar:
So if you are the Christ
Yes the great Jesus Christ
Prove to me that you’re no fool
Walk across my swimming pool
soonergrunt
@Punchy: Only if matoko_chan is still a muslim. Is she still claiming that?
licensed to kill time
@FlipYrWhig: Ha! Humor as dry as a martini and just as tasty.
Tax Analyst
@eemom:
Yeah,
Well, I’m on my way, I don’ know where I’m goin’
But Jesus is just alright with me.
And Daddy don’t live in that New York City no more, either.
DougJ
@Tonal Crow:
Some of the true hippies I know would send plenty of people to hell if it was up to them. You can be a hippie and still be an asshole, you just can’t be a Randian.
Jason In the Peg
Would the questions from the wingnuts not include:
Jewish mother? How can you be sure he’s christian?
Edited.
Buck
Y’all are being silly. Jesus for president? WHERE’S THE BIRF CERTIFICATE??!!!11!
Jason In the Peg
@FlipYrWhig: Do people still win internets? You should get one of your own for this.
Barb (formerly Gex)
@soonergrunt: Yes. He just found himself a lifetime of wingnut welfare. It pays way better than honest work.
phantomist
He was for terror babies before he was against them.
arguingwithsignposts
@licensed to kill time:
Late, I know, but you may have heard of the *four* separate birth certificates for Jesus. They’re known as “gospels.”
Tonal Crow
@DougJ:
They’d actually send them to eternal Hell as described by Jesus? For what? And does even Hitler deserve that punishment?
Tonal Crow
@arguingwithsignposts: Not only that, but they’re materially-different birth certificates!
Polish the Guillotines
@Hunter Gathers: Up yer butt, Jobu.
licensed to kill time
@arguingwithsignposts:
The gospels (IMHO) are more like ‘stories I heard about Jesus and a bunch of different people wrote down over hundreds of years’ than birth certificates, but I meant no offense. ‘Twas merely a joke.
SiubhanDuinne
@soonergrunt:
This story is going to garner major nonstop MSM coverage, yes?
SiubhanDuinne
@Brachiator:
It all reminded me of Tom Paxton’s classic Jesus Christ S.R.O.
Jesus, you´re making it big on Broadway,
Gosh, it´s good to see your name in lights!
Singing them rock and roll songs, by golly!
Bet you, you learned them from Buddy Holly,
I bet you you kept the Heavenly Choir up late at night,
A-picking up a back beat.
Jesus, you´re S.R.O. on Broadway,
Told us you´d be back, but what do you know?
A-wop bop a loo-bop, a-wop bam boom!
Rolled the stone back from the tomb,
And out came Jesus, starring in a Broadway show!
I just sang the whole thing to a colleague, who had never heard of it. Young kids these days, mutter mutter . . . .
arguingwithsignposts
@licensed to kill time:
Blessed are the cheesemakers”!
What’s so special about the cheesemakers?
Well, obviously it’s not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
agrippa
The RW would call him a socialist.
The LW would call him a sell out
Life is unfair; deserve has nothing to do with it.
Darkrose
@Brachiator:
If you’d come today you would have reached a whole nation;
Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication
I love that Tim Rice’s Jesus is emo, whiny, and incredibly passive-aggressive.
soonergrunt
@SiubhanDuinne: Not really by anybody except the birthers and the military justice geeks.
TPM has covered it, MSNBC had a blurb, I think CNN had something. Fox was noticeably not present at the trial.
virginia beach church
i was beginning to sense i may perhaps be the sole person whom considered this, at the minimum at present i acknowledge i am not idiotic :) my goal is to make sure to learn more about some various posts instantly after i get a little bit of caffeine in me, it is very challenging to read not having my coffee, adios for the time being :)