The TSA is doing a little pushback on their pat-down techniques:
The head of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) offered on Wednesday to have airport screeners come to Capitol Hill to give senators a pat-down so they could fully understand the mechanics of the newly deployed, controversial technique.
John Pistole told senators on the Senate Science, Commerce and Transportation Committee that he “insisted” on receiving the pat-down to “experience what that involves so that we would know before we rolled it out,” and added that Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano has gotten a pat-down as well.
“Honestly, any member who has not experienced that pat-down [and] who would like to do that — I would not offer it — but an experienced qualified security officer would be glad to do that,” Pistole said.
Let’s see who can come up with the best Larry Craig joke in the comments.
russell
How come they didn’t offer this program for the waterboard?
Nutella
The celebrity pat-downs are different. Apparently celebrities can be escorted through security by a PR agent of the TSA.
Dennis SGMM
“A group of TSA employees who style themselves ‘The Tap Dancing Screeners’ has volunteered to perform the Congressional pat-downs.”
Hunter Gathers
That’s one hell of a way to solicit for a hand job. No foot tapping involved.
C Nelson Reilly
If only this story had a happy ending.
Triassic Sands
Larry who?
I just want to take this opportunity to send my most heartfelt condolences to Joe Miller. The Beeb has just named Murkowski the winner in Alaska. They commented on the luster (or is it lustre) being off for Sarah Palin, since she couldn’t “win” in her own state. So, I guess condolences are in order for Palin too — screw that.
General Stuck
No widestance, no fly
The Dangerman
Isn’t Larry Craig doing time in a Penile Colony?
Joseph Nobles
What’s so wrong with a Pistole patdown? The TSA chief is underrating his skills to junk-touch a senator.
Heh, I like it.
TSA chief offers free junk-touch to any sitting Senator. Larry Craig reaches for his expired ID and the White-Out.
Osprey
“Mr. Congressman, could you please assume a ‘wide stance‘? It’s easier for us to pat-down the crotch area.”
WindyCityCat
@Dennis SGMM:
Looks like the Hot Cops from Arrested Development got a new gig…
The Dangerman
@Hunter Gathers:
Imagine the embarrassment if you just popped a V*agra and had to stand in the TSA line behind the Swedish Twins Bikini squad.
Poopyman
I wanna see a full-body scan of their junk on the internet.
Wait a minute. What I mean is that I want to see that there is a full-body scan of their junk on the internet. I don’t want to see their junk. Really. No.
gbear
The words ‘insert’ and ‘Larry Craig’ should not be used in the same sentence.
Poopyman
@Osprey: Hilarity will ensue when such a comment produces fervent tapping under the desks.
the fake fake al
Larry Craig just found a new job, pat down screener at LAX.
Larry Craig got a big surprise the other day. He applied to be a TSA pat-down screener, but thought they meant tap-down screener.
Larry Craig was caught in another uncompromising position as a pat down screener at Lindbergh Field. A traveler told him, tough my junk and I’ll sue, Larry thought he said, touch my junk and I coo.
Dennis SGMM
@Poopyman:
You’d have to wave a few grand in small bills in front of them in order for their junk to grow large enough for it to register on a scan.
mak
99 days out of 100, I pretty much hate Jeffrey Goldberg’s guts, but he’s been right about the Chertoff-o-scans of late, and (if his dialogue is to be believed – not a certainty) already made the “wide stance” joke to an actual TSA guy.
bkny
oh, nonono, bitch. no specially trained tsa agents coming up to capitol hill to pat and sniff. i want those assholes to get the real experience — they need to travel coach and stand on line with the rest of us schlubs. and no special capitol hill i.d.ing them as extra special peeps.
napolitano too.
and then release the (un)stored images — just like a foia request produced:
http://gizmodo.com/5690749/these-are-the-first-100-leaked-body-scans?skyline=true&s=i
the fake fake al
Larry Craig made news at the airport the other day while going through security screening. He knocked down several other travelers rushing to pat-down room. TSA was not assumed.
But while in the pat-down room, Larry continued to irate the TSA. Mr. Craig, you’ll have to remove both wetsuits before we can pat you down.
Eventually he emerged from the pat-down area very disappointed with the TSA. “No matter how much I tapped my foot, no one would touch my junk,” he told reporters.
kindness
I’d love to come out of the ‘private screening area’ and let out a loud “Wheewww, Who has a cigarette?”. But I would hate to get the brownshirt treatment…or be forced to miss my flight.
Shalimar
Waiting for Lindsay Graham to send a response asking if he can choose his own security officer for the demonstration.
Snarki, child of Loki
I think TSA will send Mr. Gannon/Guckert to do the pat-downs, but that does lead to interesting questions:
Is that Boehner in the pocket of TSA, or does he just like having a man-date?
Would the body scan on Vitter show the Pampers Extra-Dry?
General Stuck
OT
Kinda funny in a serious way
Marty
Senator Craig would prefer to receive his patdown from the officer in a private location at the airport, such as the bathroom stall.
Rosalita
@bkny:
polyorchnid octopunch
Actually, if the senators want to know what it’s really like, they should dress shabbily and go get on a flight. What they’re going to get as a demonstration is undoubtedly going to be nothing compared to what actually goes on. It’s not like the TSA is stupid; if they want to keep their authoritarian jollies rolling they’re not going to demonstrate said jollies to senators.
polyorchnid octopunch
Oh, and for the Larry Craig joke…
Oh, and it’s been so long for Larry… but when he got patted down at the airport, Larry’s crag rose again!
Rick Taylor
This really belongs in the thread “Smoking Crack Rock,” but that’s been buried. Anyway, I’m considerably less sympathetic to the administration allowing itself to be played by Republicans yet again, this time on Start, after reading this opinion piece by Martin Bergmann. Bergmann, who supports the treaty and still thinks it could pass, pointed out the senate could have forced a vote on it months ago, but relented as Republicans objected to any vote before elections that would politicize the process. Now of course after elections are over they still want to delay the vote until the next congress. If Republicans are determined to sink Start, there’s not much we can do, but endlessly delaying a vote to negotiate with them is not helping.
db
Is that an Idaho potato that I feel?
Shalimar
@The Dangerman: You know you’re getting old when it takes a v1agra for that situation to become embarrassing.
the fake fake al
TSA was caught off guard the other day when a man repeated demanded to go to the pat down room, it turned out to be Larry Craig doing research for his upcoming book, I’m Not Gay, Damn It!
“Mr. Craig, you can’t demand a certain pat-down screener, besides, Bruce has gone on break.”
“Do you know who I am, a US Senator, here is my card.”
MCA
New script for TSA “line shouters” at MSP Int’l Airport:
“Ladies and gentlemen, no liquids in containers in excess of two ounces may be brought through security. Please remember to remove your shoes and take all laptops and electronics out of your bag and place them in a bin on the conveyor. When you reach the agent checking your ticket and photo ID, please indicate your preferred mode of violation: you may specify the ‘dirty parts scan for the guy behind that one-way mirror’ or the ‘enhanced groping in full view of your family,’ or you may hand the agent the single toilet paper sheet with ‘passed inspection – LC’ written on it with a red Sharpie you got in the men’s room.
The Dude Abides
Has anyone posted the TSA security video reenactment from that great Taiwanese video team? Anyway, here is the link.
the fake fake al
How many TSA pat down agents does it take to screw Larry Craig? Just one, as long as he is will to touch my junk.
Jay in Oregon
@bkny:
Ding, ding, ding!
Their families should have to go through the screening too; I wonder how fast the asshole who told the screener that a “cutie” was coming through would lose his job if it was some Senator’s teenage daughter(*) he was referring to? Let some Congressman’s 4-year old(*) stand there screaming while she’s patted down.
(*)I am speaking rhetorically, of course; I do not believe that anyone should be subjected to such treatment for the heinous crime of wanting to travel across the country.
va
Larry Craig’s O-face.
Zifnab
I think you just did.
ChrisA
Will I get a ring and some flowers after the pat-down?
Will they call me, for another date?
bemused
A caller to Randi Rhodes show said he believes he was selected for a very enhanced pat down after his very large junk seen on the imager startled tsa agents. He was escorted by agents with guns to be searched which involved all around the front and back of his underwear. He thinks they wanted to make sure his equipment was for real and not a weapon. (Randi was quite amused.) Now this seems wild to me but he didn’t sound like he was nutty or spoofing. He said he doesn’t let his very young daughter go anywhere with anyone else but he and his wife and after this experience, he won’t let her fly until she is much older.
Violet
Perhaps the Congresspeople would also like to go through the supposedly safe Nude-o-meters every time they travel. Cancer risk? Who cares. The government says they’re safe!
Either everyone gets the same security treatment or no one should be screened. No special treatment for government officials, pilots or anyone else.
Corner Stone
“You there! Random TSA worker who has not been prepped for this in any way! Come here and work through normal pat down procedures. Yes, yes. I’m just a regular traveler. Just Joe Suitcase on my way to another destination! Pay no attention to any of the other people here you recognize as your boss, your boss’ boss, and her boss and his boss. Nothing unusual about this at all.
Go ahead. Give me the full monty.”
/Pistole
gbear
@the fake fake al:
I thought the book title was going to be ‘Straights Like Me’.
Guster
The good thing about enhanced pat-downs is that Larry Craig stopped hogging the bathroom stall.
MattR
@bemused: And there goes my plan to buy a 14 inch prosthetic schlong before I take my next trip.
Platonicspoof
@bkny:
Exactly.
And as others have also said, there’s way too much room (at least an inch or two, anyway) for the TSA and complicit senators to pull a con job here.
If the senators won’t agree to being checked while wearing Speedos with cameras rolling, then three normally dressed senators out of twenty should have a box cutter in their shorts.
If the groper doesn’t find all three knives, we’ll know that it’s either all a stunt, or that it’s not worth doing.
Seriously.
bemused
@MattR:
Ha. But de agents with guns vill not be amused.
JGabriel
John Cole:
And yet no one will volunteer to pat down Naked Rahm.
.
JGabriel
bemused:
That was very traumatic and I don’t appreciate being mocked over it.
.
bemused
@JGabriel:
I apologize. I didn’t recognize your voice.
Earl Butz
@Violet: So do the engineers, in spite of this little mishap being one of the first things you get taught as a software engineer.
I wouldn’t set foot in one of those things on a dare.
Keith
Larry’s future with the TSA has clearly gone down the toilet.
maya
It’s a whole new feeling flying the friendly skies these days.
Stefan
No special treatment for government officials, pilots or anyone else.
Can we at least agree that pilots shouldn’t have to go through this ridiculous security? Because, y’know, if the pilot wanted the plane to crash he could do it at anytime and wouldn’t need to bring a bomb or gun on board to do it? Seriously, what’s the pilot going to do with a bomb that he can’t do with the rudder?
(And no, I’m not even going to entertain “but the pilot could smuggle on a gun, shoot the co-pilot and navigator, and then crash the plane!” scenarios).
kuvasz
One needs to proclaim in a loud, booming voice
Then tip the guy.
West of the Cascades
Seriously, a TSA official named “John Pistole”? This is all just a big conspiracy to generate dozens of TSA-themed porn films, isn’t it?
Maody
@General Stuck: This.
chopper
it’s okay, they’ll all just wear two wetsuits. they won’t feel a thing.