I thought Jeffrey Goldberg’s stories on his personal “resistance” to the new TSA dick-measuring machines were pretty funny, and they coincide with my own experiences that I mentioned a couple weeks ago on my flight to Orlando. I mentioned at the time that I had an infuriating run-in with security, and realize now that I forgot to tell you about it.
I actually wasn’t paying attention as I was funneled into the new body imaging device- I was already pissed off after the shuttle service drove me around the Pittsburgh airport for 45 minutes and then more agitated about taking my shoes off, and didn’t even notice that I was going into the new machines. Just as an aside, I can not tell you how much it pisses me off that because one simpleton tried to ignite his shoes, I have to ruin my socks at every god damned airport in the country for the rest of my adult life. But back to the story. Because I was busy fuming internally, I was in the machine before I realized what was going on (always my observant self), and the guy told me I had to raise my hands over my head. Quick problem- I can’t. So I told the guy. “Look, I can lift this arm this high, and I can lift this arm this high, but I had surgery on one and I have tendonitis and a probable rotator cuff tear and need to have surgery in the other, and I just can’t get them both over my head like that.” That pissed him off, and he told me to try, and I asked him “Why can’t I just go through the metal detector (which was no more than three feet to my left.)?” After a few moments, he waved me over to it, at which point three screaming TSA agents freaked the fuck out because I had backed out of the dick-scanning device. “What are you doing? Get back in there! Etc.”
“But the guy told me to come over here”
“What guy?”
“Him!”
After a few seconds of panic, they sent me through the machine, and I had to go through several times because something was setting it off, and we realized it was my belt. Then I got the pat down, which really didn’t bother me that much, and I have discovered that as they near your nuts if you loudly say “Oh baby that’s how I like it” they quickly move on to another area.
At any rate, the entire damned thing was ridiculous and offensive, and I can’t imagine the government really things it is making us any safer. My experience was not that big of a deal when compared to what some went through, but it is just pointless. It really is security theatre. Which makes me wonder. Who makes these machines? Who is profiting from this nonsense? Where is the money going?
And what is crazy is the TSA agents seem more afraid they are not following the rules correctly than they are of actual terrorists. It is all just a big game, a cruel joke on us by Bin Laden.
And btw- my sinus infection and the desire to just avoid flying altogether caused me to just say to hell with it and cancel my San Francisco trip. I don’t want to put up with the nonsense, and I didn’t think it made much sense to fly across the country to pay 200 dollars a night to drink alka seltzer cold medicine. Oh, well.
*** Update ***
And I see if I would read this blog, I would note that Mistermix already has pointed out the money angle. I suck. This whole post is pointless.
Zifnab
Did they ever actually approve Obama’s TSA nominee in the Senate, or is that guy still getting shuttled around the back alleys of the Capital Building shining enough Senator shoes to get an upperdown vote?
Seriously, if Harry Reid wanted to grab his balls and act like a Republican he would schedule nothing but confirmation hearings for the next two years and tell the rest of the GOP to suck it.
Dennis SGMM
As I wrote on another thread: just be happy that no bomber has yet tried to hide his device by shoving it all the way up his ass.
mark
I had a bad experience at lihue airport in hawaii a few years ago. They’re bored there so they turned up the sensitivity on the metal detector and the zipper on my shorts set it off. I got selected for a pat down and they freaked out because I tried to take my wallet with me.
The TSA dude was flipping out like I was some huge terrorist, in my bathing suit, t-shirt and no socks. And then he hit my penis. In a creepy way. He got this weird look and all of a sudden he let me go.
I wrote a letter to the TSA and nancy pelosi (my rep) and Kip Hawley wrote back and told me to go fuck myself – no way could TSA be wrong.
kindness
So much for our ‘Unofficial John Cole/Balloon Juice Blow Out at Toranado’ party…..damn!
brendancalling
i’m so angry about this TSA shit i’ve been sitting here seething all day. here’s my exchange with the useless twits in Boob Casey’s office.
As much as i despise goldberg, I do like his ideas for revenge on TSA, especially “wear a kilt with no underpants.”
On reflection, i find my “get a boner” plan to be a little difficult. Instead, I’m building on “wear a kilt” and adding “eat lots of greasy food the night before your flight, followed by nice strong coffee. maybe a laxative as well.”
just drop a big pile right there on the floor, in front of everyone, and claim that TSA scared the shit out of you.
Jewish Steel
I was pulled out for special screening at the Manchester NH airport because I was wearing a t-shirt that had Gorbachev on it.
“Personal hero of yours?”
“What?”
“Go stand over there.”
I was late for my flight and didn’t have the presence of mind to get that dipshit’s badge #.
Butch
A couple of years ago I got patted down coming back from Aitutaki (Cook Islands) because the screener found a tube of Chapstick in my pocket. It had been there from Denver to LA and then from LA to Rarotonga and on to Aitutaki, but coming back to Rarotonga it was suddenly a threat. I know I shouldn’t have said “Don’t be so fucking stupid” but it felt good.
brendancalling
@mark:
he hit your penis?
dude, that is FUCKED UP.
fourlegsgood
I have no interest in flying anymore. This full body scan bullshit is exactly that, BULLSHIT.
And a huge invasion of privacy.
MattR
@Dennis SGMM:
Which these full body scanning machines would not be able to detect.
Svensker
I say no private flights any more. Let the rich and our government folks go through this shit, too. Then see how fast it gets fixed.
Oh? Not gonna happen? I be shocked.
licensed to kill time
Well, it was entertaining to hear about your experience with the “Fun With Dick and Boobs!” device. I’m sorry to hear you have something in common with John McCain (the arm thing) and I hope it is only temporary.
Dennis SGMM
@MattR:
“Glove!”
DanF
Wonder what negative impact this is going to have on the airline’s bottom line. I’m seriously considering cancelling the family vacation this year (we always fly to visit family) and rather just drive somewhere nearby. This shit pisses me off.
Kryptik
And there be the rub. Most acts to try and make us secure aren’t really about making us secure. It’s to give the illusion of security. Because actually worrying about genuine security is just one of those long-term, complex policy things that real Americans hate so damn much. Best to put on a stage show and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Dave
I’m flying to Toronto in two weeks. I’m asking for the pat-down and then I’m going to sing some Marvin Gaye while he does it. Why not make it a memorable experience for everyone?
The Moar You Know
I feel bad for the airlines, they didn’t ask for this and it’s not like they’re consistently profitable (the last two quarters out of the last three years does not strike me as spectacular financial performance) and it is killing them. I used to fly for fun. Not any more, not unless it’s to the East Coast (I’m in Cali) and only then because I’ve got family there. Anything that’s closer (and I mean within 2 days driving distance, that means Utah or Colorado during ski season) I drive to. Doesn’t matter that it’s more expensive or takes way longer, at least I don’t get my balls fondled by anyone I don’t ask to do so.
Rosalita
Be interesting to see how many stories evolve from travel next Wednesday…I feel like I’ve seen a lot about this lately but maybe that is my little world of Balloon-Juice, Consumerist and Gawker Media blog reading…
Dennis SGMM
@Dave:
I suggest “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” a la Tiny Tim.
Angelos
Here’s an answer.
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/politics/_Naked-scanners__-Lobbyists-join-the-war-on-terror-1540901-107548388.html
Lobbyists and cronies, of course!
Nate
It’d be nice if we could get some of that Tea Party anti-government mojo to help us out for this issue but I guess they’re all too scared of the Mooslims to be consistent.
Alex S.
The only real solution is a mind-scanning device. Even the mental resistance against scanning should raise suspicion.
Mnemosyne
My personal worst was the Phoenix airport where I got scolded because my 2 oz. bottle of hand lotion was not inside a baggie. Even though it was the only grooming item in my backpack.
My brother walks with a cane and wears leg braces and TSA can be a total fucking nightmare for him. Like the ass who told him he had to walk through the metal detector without his cane and without any assistance from anyone else even though he uses the cane because he can’t walk without it. Apparently he was supposed to crawl through to prove he’s not a terrorist.
(Fortunately, they were able to get a supervisor to come over and overrule the idiot, but that’s pretty uncommon.)
Mojotron
What would happen if you pulled a Derek Smalls and go through security with a cucumber “armadillo” in your trousers?
Rosalita
@The Moar You Know:
/thinks about it…
Nope! I read something somewhere that they are partly to blame because of charging for checking bags, everyone is carrying on as much as possible and making the security nightmare even longer.
some other guy
@fourlegsgood:
Pretty much my feelings lately. If I can’t take a train or drive there then I won’t go. Of course, even if A LOT of people suddenly stopped flying and it hurt the airlines’ bottom line, they’d just get another bailout anyway.
If I wanted to fly international, could I ride/drive up to Canada and take a flight from there?
cmorenc
I normally cannot long tolerate listening to Lynn Samuels, who has the 1pm to 3pm EST slot on Sirius XM’s ch. 146 (“Talk Left”) channel. She’s far less any sort of bona fide progressive and far more a combo female version of Archie Bunker and unrepentant PUMA. Her voice and picture make her seem like a cranky old aunt who never married because of the close contest between unattractive looks and unattractive personality.
HOWEVER, one time shortly after TSA began implementing the full-body scanners, she was talking about an planned airline trip, and said this:
“If they want to put me in that scanner, they’re going to have to look at my floppy old titties”; I say, go right on ahead”.
+1 to Lynn Samuels for that one, one of the few I’ll ever give her.
donnah
I don’t see this as a wasted thread at all. It lets us vent about airport security, which is a joke, and it reminds us during the holidays that there will undoubtedly be more delays.
I flew home with my mother from Florida last spring and she has a pacemaker, so we know in advance that she will not be in the metal detector, so a pat down is a given whenever she flies. That holds up both of us, but whatever.
What frosted my cookies was that in the last minute before leaving, she tucked a brand new expensive plastic bottle of aloe lotion in our carry on bag. Naturally, because it was so obviously a grenade, it was confiscated. Dammit! I had a sunburn!
El Tiburon
Fact is Bin Laden won. He is simply laughing his ass off at what complete and total morans we are. We are so fucking scared of our own shadow it is comical.
Basically we got Punk’d on 9-11 by some dudes with box cutters and now we see the All-Powerful-Terra-ists under our bed and inside our showers.
We truly our a stupid, stupid nation.
El Tiburon
@DanF:
I smell another bailout coming!
Jewish Steel
@Alex S.:
No. That’s unreliable because it can only scan what you’re thinking now.
But if you can round up 3 precogs…
The Moar You Know
@Mnemosyne: 7 months post-9/11 I watched newly-hired TSA thugs, flanked by two National Guardmen with loaded M-16s, force a wheelchair-bound guy out of his chair and make him crawl through the checkpoint and metal detector. Never seen anything so sickening in my life. I felt like a fucking collaborator for not going up to them and slapping the shit out of every single one of them, Guardsmen included.
Maybe I am. To not speak in the presence of evil is cowardice, and what I saw that day was evil.
Pat
This thread is not pointless. You could make this a nightly open-thread topic for a week. Take guest submissions, run a series.
I think someone could run for president on abolishing/reforming TSA.
+1 for Obama in that I don’t hear “Orange alert” all the time, especially around elections.
-1 for Obama that this TSA security theater persists.
I agree with someone that said “I drive now” earlier. I’ve chosen to drive DC – Charlotte, DC – Cleveland just because I hate airports now.
Michael
@Dave:
Go with Barry White. Bedroom crooning down in the tonal basement.
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
This made the post entirely worth it.
Josie
I am well aware that this sounds very conspiracy theorist, but I wonder if part of the reason for this is to get us used to regimentation and following orders no matter how stupid. I always feel like a person in a futuristic robot society now when I am in an airport. I had already gone through a very thorough inspection at the Orlando airport and then was pulled out of line before boarding the plane and checked again in front of everyone. Yeah, sure, pick on the dangerous looking litlle grey haired lady with the bomb in her purse. I was so pissed but unable to say anything because they have the power to make you miss your flight and otherwise ruin your day.
superking
In my one experience with the body scanners at BWI, they were putting everyone through the metal detector and then randomly choosing people to go through the body scanners. I refused, of course, because I think it’s bullshit, and some dude had to give me the groping.
First, he used one of those handheld metal detector wands, like they used to when you kept setting off the door-sized detector. I don’t have a problem with this except that it kept going off on my right pocket. I try to make this stuff easy for myself and put everything in my carry-ons before they go through the scanner. So, I didn’t think I had anything in my pocket. Dude keeps asking me what’s in my pocket and I keep telling him that nothing is in my pocket. Finally, I reach in and pull out . . . 27 cents in the form of two dimes, two pennies, and a nickel. The plane is safe! For now . . .
Next up, dude starts putting his hands in my pants. No joke. Because I’m pissed off, I make a remark strongly implying that he is a homosexual. I’m not proud of that, but I did it, so I should own up to it. In any case, I keep talking loudly about how pointless and stupid their procedures are. Eventually another guy walks by and the first guy gives him the signal to not talk to me, because, well, I’m an asshole and it’s not worth it from his point of view.
But the second guy keeps talking and eventually says something like, “Man, you should see the stuff those scanners find. We’ve pulled knives, hand guns, off people after they’ve gone through those.” I said I didn’t believe him and walked away.
The strange part, though, is that they were only putting people through the scanners after they went through the metal detectors. So, the only way what that guy said could be true is if their metal detectors could not pick up a fucking pistol. Imagine that–a security checkpoint where the door-sized detector can’t pick up a gun or a knife, but the wand detector can pick out 27 cents in my pocket.
It’s all horseshit.
bjacques
I wouldn’t say pointless. Schiphol airport near Amsterdam have body scanners too, and started using them this spring. I’ve got a slightly messed-up left shoulder (no idea how, but getting better thanks to physio), and it hurt then to raise my arm all the way up. It wasn’t a big deal, but I triggered the alarm. It turns out that, no doubt among other things, the scanner appears to look for temperature hot spots relative to the rest of the body. The extra blood flowing to a stressed and painful shoulder apparently showed up very clearly on the scanner. I had to be searched, but after I explained the injury, they were cool and let me continue.
If anything like that happens to you, where they pat you down at any sore spots, that’s probably the reason. I wouldn’t speculate out loud on that.
And, yeah, the TSA was set up as one of those public/private entities that had all the bureaucracy, low pay and lack of advancement of the civil service with none of the job security. Basically, security theater on the cheap. This is a shitty time to get written up and lose one’s job. Not to excuse, just to add context.
It is my fondest wish that the next would-be terrorist (a) fails humiliatingly and (b) had sprung for a business-class ticket.
jeff
On top of all of what’s been said, I would like to note that the TSA robs elderly people of their cash at Providence airport. One elderly victim told me, and I tried to assist him in contacting the police, but he was too scared! He thought Obama would get him.
This is not a joke.
I wanted to call the police, but what could I tell them? That an unnamed person was robbed by Federal Law Enforcement?
ChrisS
My friend referred to it as the choice between the child porn / cancer box and molestation.
Sounds fun.
The other week a guy changed from an old man to an asian kid mid-flight. A low-information voter at my job site was freaking out because he could have been a terrorist!
Mnemosyne
@jeff:
Honestly, I would call the FBI. If you have an organized ring of federal employees who are stealing things, they will want to know. Even if you don’t know the person’s name, the details of where and when might be enough for them to start an investigation.
TooManyJens
@ChrisS:
Your co-worker was freaking out about the wrong thing. If someone can change from an old man to a kid, we’ve got bigger shit to worry about than terrorism. Like the fabric of reality being warped.
MikeJ
@bjacques:
Weren’t all the 9/11 terrorists in first?
Nylund
@Dave:
I was going to go with Too $hort’s, “My dick, my sack.”
Rosalita
@Josie:
they probably figured you wouldn’t raise a stink. They pick on my late sixty-something 4’11” lady boss too…
Joseph Nobles
@MikeJ: Yes, all the 9/11 terrorists were in first class.
wenchacha
This summer I had occasion to fly out of Portland Me. To be fair, terrorists fucked up this airport for evermore, which is a real shame. Two of my siblings and I can meet up there by flight, and driving is much more troublesome unless you need to bring beach accoutrement.
I was dealing with tendinitis in both elbows so I blew a few bucks on the luggage cart on the main level to save myself some pain. My sister and I shared the cart to get upstairs just to find there was nothing to do, no shopping, no squat except head to the TSA lineup. Could I take the cart through to the gates? I didn’t see any info about that. Nobody in a uniform looked too interested in helping me.
I saw a bored TSA agent sitting in front of the exit from the gates. He was being relieved by a new agent. I ventured a step or two closer to the spot, still maybe five feet away or so. “Excuse me , but can I,” was as much as I could get out.
“Ma’am, step away NOW! Do not move any closer,” bellowed the woman in the unflattering uniform.
I attempted to rephrase my question while retreating, but she just emphasized how it was unlawful for me to approach and she would not be speaking to me. Which all took much longer than a simple “yes” or “no” to my cart inquiry.
Meanwhile my sister asked a wall-leaning guy with an ID lanyard who said no I couldn’t go through the line with my cart. Fine. I understand safety, but why do I have to be yelled at when I am confused about the fucking rules? Because it isn’t all crystal clear to somebody who flies once every ten years or so?
I dragged my shit through and went in and sat like a good dog until I could get on my damn plane.
For all that, JFK was a much more pleasant experience, and they got 9-11’ed too.
Back when they were making women take off shirts to show piercings and metal bra parts, I figured I’d just fly sans bra. I don’t wear one usually, anyway. They want me to take off my shirt, fine. That’s about the time the christofascists complain that we aren’t thinking of the children! Maybe the strip show/cavity search would come to a halt. Hah. Then I saw the 3 yr old being rubbed down.
You can’t fix the stupid.
brendancalling
@Dave:
get a boner and ejaculate if you can.
The Populist
Bin Laden won regardless. He can either be dead, hiding out or captured, put on trial, have his beard shaved and locked away for the rest of his life and he still won.
Nylund
Remember the good ol’ days when you could just tell your kids that it was NEVER alright for anyone to take naked pictures of them or touch their private parts? Now parents will have to give that speech with a lot of confusing caveats.
“So its wrong even if Uncle Joe does it?”
“Yes, ESPECIALLY Uncle Joe.”
“What about Uncle Sam?”
“Actually, in that case, you must let Uncle Sam take whatever pictures he pleases and you must let him touch you where ever he wants to.”
parsimon
I’m afraid this made me laugh. I’m not sure how socks are ruined; also plus, dear, your socks?
HyperIon
John Cole:
You are a very unusual man.
Maude
So, you tell your children that no stranger is to touch them and what to do if one does.
Take the kid to the airport and TSA wants to do a pat down.
Why does anyone think that airline passengers should be touched in any way by strangers?
A metal detector works fine.
The 9/11 hysteria has gone on long enough. and the Repukes are going to ratchet it up.
People have had bad experiences talking back to the TSA and have written about it. One who did is an airline pilot. He raised a big fuss and law enforcement was called in. He was commuting to word to fly a plane.
I guess the Bill of Rights stops at the airports entrances.
Sentient Puddle
@Michael:
I don’t know, me, my first thought was some James Brown. Though that might be a little out of my range.
Also too, am I the only one that vastly prefers flying to driving? I hate driving anything more than an hour straight. So fucking numbing…
D0n Camillo
@Sentient Puddle:
It still beats being given the choice of having people view you naked, or being groped by a stranger.
TooManyJens
@Sentient Puddle:
I like flying just fine. It’s the airport fuckery I can’t deal with. I drove almost 15 hours each way to a conference last month, because I preferred it to the fuckery. It’s not so bad if you’ve got audiobooks.
theturtlemoves
I’ve flown a few dozen times this year for work and have never had a single problem. And that’s with me pulling out two laptops and a CPAP in addition to my carry-on, backpack, shoes, and toiletry bag. Maybe it is because I’m mostly going in and out of a couple small airports with TSA personnel that know me by sight at this point, but I never got much hassle, even at O’Hare. Had to go through the nudie machine once at ORD, but that was my own stupidity for not watching ahead and picking that line. Maybe it is busting out the five trays for the x-ray machine every time that has them feeling sorry for me or maybe they figure this isn’t my first rodeo and leave me alone. Not sure, but really grateful I haven’t had to deal with the horror stories you guys have posted.
Mike G
@Dennis SGMM:
This actually happened in Saudi Arabia. A supposedly-reformed former AQ operative was granted an audience with a prince then set off explosives hidden up his butt, hurting no-one but himself. It’s not a very effective tactic — the capacity for explosive material up there is small, and the blast is muffled by the surrounding body mass.
The Dangerman
@Dennis SGMM:
May have to invest in Metamucil as, thanks to you, mandatory bowel movements at the screening desk.
Corner Stone
Does anyone know if Olberman or Maddow has done a piece on this? I’m pretty sure one of their staffers reads this blog. Maybe they’ll highlight this travesty right before Holiday travel period.
Sentient Puddle
@D0n Camillo:
Meh
Well, I’m taking an early Thanksgiving and flying Saturday. Guess I’ll find out.
@TooManyJens:
I’ll grant the fuckery, but it’s never been enough that it frustrates me to the point where I want to gouge my eyes out or something. I get through the fuckery at security, grab a seat at the gate, and unwind, or something. It just doesn’t stick with me.
Meanwhile, driving is mildly frustrating, but the whole time, I have to be just focused enough on what I’m doing that I’m constantly reminded that I hate it. And nothing (music, audiobooks, whatever) has managed to alleviate it.
Corner Stone
@The Moar You Know:
From my understanding they did ask for this. Unions asked for cockpit doors to be made more secure and as I understand it, the corporations ran the numbers and saw the hit to bottom line and said, “Hell no!”.
So 9/11 could possibly have been prevented if they had just reported $.02 less EPS for one quarter.
Anonymous At Work
There’s a reason it’s called “Security Theater”
The Dangerman
@Mike G:
I wonder how the Emergency Room doctor handled this one…
Corner Stone
When I travel for business driving is out of the question. When I travel for personal reasons I have a small child with me, so driving anywhere more than 3 or 4 hours away either has to be broken up at the 3 hour mark or is out of the question. So for anything outside TX it’s an airplane ride.
Corner Stone
@The Dangerman: “It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one!”
The Dangerman
@Corner Stone:
Giving new meaning to the MD replying “yeah, go blow it out your ass”.
TooManyJens
The National Opt-Out Day site notes that this Wednesday, the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation will be holding a hearing on TSA oversight. People whose Senators are on that committee are urged to call them.
Dennis SGMM
@Mike G:
It didn’t feel, or sound, that way the time I ate a bad fish taco.
Just Some Fuckhead
When I had surgery a few weeks ago, they made me undress and put on a kinky backless paper robe. Then they had me draw with a sharpie on my own body where the surgery was supposed to happen. When I came to after the surgery, I had perfectly shaved pubes.
The shit we do for kicks, huh?
John Cole
Oh, I’m just nuts. The idea of putting my socks on the same floor that tens of thousands of other sweaty feet have been just grosses me out.
Comrade Kevin
“Agent Hurly, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search. I’m talking Roto-Rooter. Don’t stop until you reach the back of his teeth. “
Comrade Sock Puppet of the Great Satan
“It’s not a very effective tactic—the capacity for explosive material up there is small, and the blast is muffled by the surrounding body mass.”
Might be pretty spectacular, though.
The Dangerman
@Dennis SGMM:
Wouldn’t this be related to the capacity of gas to fill a volume under, um, “pressurized conditions”?
Perry Como
@brendancalling:
I wear Utilikilts on occasion and I’ll be flying soon, but the kilts won’t stay up if I take my belt off. It should be interesting to see what happens…
JRon
Yes it’s ridiculous theater but I don’t understand why any of you guys think it would be better with minimum wage rent-a-cops instead. Tha TSA is miles more professional than Argenbright or any of the contractors ever were, and I fly just about every week. Did any of you fly before 2001? Do you remember at all how unprofessional security was?
Somehow I doubt you’d like being groped by Xe any better. Without the TSA that’s what you’re gonna get nowadays.
The problem is the theater and the fact that it can’t be dialed back for political reasons now. Slamming the whole agency and unions misses the point. Sure there will be problems with individuals and they should be dealt with, but believing low-bid contractors would do it better (or cheaper) is moronic.
bcw
I see someone else suggested it but the Spinal Tap cucumber scene is really tempting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRpWnK6Rg3E
The Dangerman
Just out of morbid curiosity, how do they handle pregnant women? Do they have to hear a fetal heartbeat? Seems like a woman can be made up to look pregnant easily enough.
MattR
@The Dangerman: Little known feature – the body scanning machine can also do ultrasounds.
ChrisS
I just don’t think the extra special militarized security is necessary.
Not for nothing, I’ve driven onto a reserve US military base with some highly sensitive and dangerous shit stored there with nothing other than a drivers license.
9/11 was different because, until then, hijackers weren’t interested in killing themselves in the process. People reacted as they had been told to do. Don’t make a big deal, do what they want and everyone will be fine. After 9/11, other passengers sure as hell aren’t going to let someone take over the plane with a metal butterknife, fork, or tube of chapstick.
sukabi
And I see if I would read this blog, I would note that Mistermix already has pointed out the money angle. I suck. This whole post is pointless.
and that’s precisely why we love you.
licensed to kill time
@ChrisS:
But what if they went around the plane and made everybody smear their lips with the same tube of chapstick?! The Horror!
terry chay
Dave Barry’s run in was hilarity.
http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2010/11/groin-update.html
I noticed the new machines at SAN and SFO. Waste of money.
goblue72
I may need to reconsider my standard habit of flying with a couple of joints in my pocket. May have to do the old trick of stuffing the good stuff inside an emptied cigarette. Either or just quit traveling outside of California.
brendancalling
@Perry Como:
no, it will be AWESOME to see what happens.
the more embarrassingly customers act, the more aggressive the backlash, the better.
i’m still all about wearing a kilt and then literally shitting on the TSA inspector’s hands with a little wink and an oopsie.
Redwood Rhiadra
@Dave: How about some George Michael, specifically “I Want Your Sex”….
MattR
I can’t believe nobody linked to the Friends episode with Joey’s overly friendly tailor
twiffer
every time i fly i get my bag searched, because TSA agents don’t know what a pipe tamper is, and always check to see if my lighter is a torch lighter or not (it isn’t). the shoe thing is fucking stupid. used to be up to the airport and only if the shoe had metal in it. i took to wearing flip-flops, so i wouldn’t have to take my shoes off. apparently those can hold bombs now too.
however, i have to say, it confuses the fuck out of them if you try to help. one time, i realized i’d forgotten to pack my pocket knife in my checked baggage. when i reached security, i gave it to the screener and told him “here, i forgot to put this in my checked bag.” guy looked at me like he had no idea why i was handing him my knife. couldn’t possibly be cause you’ll find it and take it anyway, it it wasn’t worth enough for me to miss my flight to mail it to myself or something like that.
they can dial back on the stupid, if there is enough will. the infamous lighter ban, for instance. but the big, shiny, expensive stuff? nah, people eat that shit up.
Corner Stone
@MattR: “That’s how they measure your pants!”
Corner Stone
On a selfish and personal anecdotal note, I hate this bullshit because now when I chastise one of my winger friends about the culture of fear, et al they can pop right back with, “Well if it’s not keeping us safe then why is The Usurper going forward with these policies?”
It’s really undermining the brand and shit.
Tim
John: I was sorry to hear that you wouldn’t be traveling to San Francisco. I was going to see if you wanted to grab a drink with some fans of your blog.
Oh well, maybe next time…
MattR
@Corner Stone: “Yeah. In prison”
TooManyJens
@Tim:
Oh, dear. Who wants to break it to Tim?
Mnemosyne
Apparently there have been some organized protests in Germany to the same scanners:
Sergei Eatstumuch
Serious question (yes, really): can you ask that an agent of the opposite sex conduct the pat-down?
Leadpipe
The sad part, is that, the terrorists had a brilliant plan that worked once and is useless now. The chances of anyone successfully taking over a plane now are slim and none. As proved by the brave people of flight 93.
aimai
Jeezus, If the Obama administration doesn’t get out ahead of this they are losing a huge chance (as usual) to make the voters happy and playing right into the hands of the right wing. Here’s a priceless quote from a thread over at the blog of a woman who is complaining about being “sexually assaulted” by a TSA worker. All the comments are supportive of her but one anonymous commenter steps forward and proposes the political solution:
The people are willing to accept Muslims being frisked, and dark skinned people, and even the inconvenience to themselves as long as the President is white. But now that Obama and satan’s minion Napolitano are in charge? Every little act of the TSA serves only to discredit government and democracy further.
aimai
parsimon
@John Cole:
Humans! They’ll gross you out!
Still chuckling, I’m afraid. Though I must say that people shouldn’t be wearing downright sweaty socks in the airport. That’s just gross.
Lis
Who profits?
I’m surprised nobody in the comments has mentioned that former TSA Secretary Michael Chertoff has a financial stake in Rapiscan Systems, one of the companies making and selling these scanners.
Rob
@Dennis SGMM:
Too Late.
http://homelandsecuritynewswire.com/bomb-hidden-body-saudi-attack-invisible-normal-detection
Lizzy L
Story tonight on NPR: evidently TSA is requiring pilots, crew, etc. to go through the scanner every time they fly. The pilots’ union is pointing out that making them do that exposes these folks to massively dangerous amounts of radiation.
I’m not all that happy about being exposed to any extra radiation myself. I fly 3-5 times a year. I’m seriously re-considering how I travel.
sukabi
@Rob: so either they institute MRI’s for everyone (sucks for those who have any metal in their bodies…ie (pacemakers, replacement joints, stents, surgical screws, plates, ect…) no doubt, there would be several fatalities as TSA agents forced folks to comply…. or added radiation and body cavity searches for all…
Stefan
Story tonight on NPR: evidently TSA is requiring pilots, crew, etc. to go through the scanner every time they fly. The pilots’ union is pointing out that making them do that exposes these folks to massively dangerous amounts of radiation.
Pilots? What the fuck is the point of putting pilots through security? The pilot doesn’t need guns or bombs to bring down the plane — you know why? BECAUSE HE’S THE PILOT!!!! HE CAN CRASH THAT THING ANY DAMN TIME HE WANTS TO!!!!
Stefan
Of course, if I was a determined terrorist who wanted to bring commercial aviation in this country to a stop, I’d never even have to sneak anything past TSA security. During holidays I’d just load up several suitcases full of explosives, drive to the airport, get out, pile the luggage onto a cart, show my ticket and boarding pass to the first agent, get in the security line….and then, before I even got to security, right when I was in the middle of the line where everyone’s packed nice and close together, I’d blow the whole damn thing up (but not before whispering a silent thanks to the TSA for providing me such a dense mass of humanity as a target).
And once someone does that the first time, then what are these geniuses going to do? Institute a new security line to get onto the security line?
Martin Gifford
@Josie:
And don’t forget your phone company probably sent your details to the government. As time passes, people will become more comfortable with government intrusion.
I wish there had been a low-key professional response to 9/11 instead of all this security theater crap. I’d rather have insecurity than brainless security creeps fondling me every time I travel.
terraformer
@JRon:
Right. No one is willing to expend the political capital that would be required to forcefully stand against this ridiculous security theater. We are slowly, but clearly–like the proverbial frog in boiling water–having our civil liberties eroded.
I wouldn’t be surprised if these kinds of machines and activities become part of everyday life: entrances to sports facilities, grocery stores, malls, museums–you name it. Why stop at just airports?
brendancalling: you made me LOL in my cubicle. People are looking at me.
pm
Great, I just HAD rotator cuff surgery a few weeks ago and will be flying on Monday. I can’t wait to see how this plays out when I try and tell the TSA that I can’t raise my right arm over my head.