Frank Gore is fat
By DougJ, Head of Infidelity September 20th, 2010
Do you all hate Jon Gruden as much as I do?
Last week, a friend of mine and I spent an entire half of a game exchanging football cliches on gmail chat. What’s your favorite football cliche? Right now, I’m going to go with “keep those legs churning” and “get him in space/he’s great in open space/etc.”
Posted in Sports
Whose gams were you using?
September 20th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
Tie between “Blue Collar… Working Class” (i.e. White)
And
“Just having fun out there” (aka Favreslinging)
September 20th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
@Redshirt:
At least we don’t hear about “lunch pail guys” anymore.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Okay,
I just saw that Justin Bieber will be on CSI premiere this Thurs. Is it bad that I’m hoping his the “dead du jour”?
Anyway…GEAUX SAINTS!!
September 20th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Whoever scores the most points win the game!
September 20th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
“Student of the game.”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
“Student of the game.”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
“Student of the game.”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
DougJ:
Err, umm, uh …
THAT’S SOClALISM! THOSE COMMIE ISLAMOMARXISTS!
What? Not footbally enough?
.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
@Omnes Omnibus: Wow, I managed a triple.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is technically a football thread right???
This just came over the sportswire:
Broncos WR Kenny McKinley commits suicide
September 20th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
I think that by repeating “student of the game”, you established your will.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Well, so far the commentary team for the Saints/49ers game seems not to realize that dew falls in the evening. At least, judging by their surprise that the grass mysteriously gets damp at around 6.30pm.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
@Omnes Omnibus, @Omnes Omnibus, and @Omnes Omnibus: It’s the repetition that makes the cliche.
.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:44 pm
“blah blah blah in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:44 pm
@JGabriel: I went meta.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
@DougJ
So business and economics blogger, what is your specialty macro or micro econ? or business?
September 20th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
“That was almost intercepted!”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
@DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.: What is a lunch pail any way? Is that like the lolrus bucket?
September 20th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
“he’s got a great motor” and “make a play” or even worse “at the end of the day, its the team that made the plays”
even at my age I’d be “great in open space” but when the hitting started I’d crumple.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Chicago tough
Detroit tough
Pittsburgh tough
(Name of city here) tough.
Aren’t all these players from Florida and Texas anyway?
Seems to only work with rust belty cities. Seattle tough?
September 20th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
@schrodinger’s cat: Pink Himalayan salt, obviously.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
“His motor never stops”
As an Eagles fan, every guy we draft has this in their bio.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
@RobertB:
That’s a good one too.
Also too “in this league”.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
@Omnes Omnibus: I think DougJ specializes in wine, if I am not mistaken.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Worst cliche:
This will be a physical battle between two physical teams.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
@schrodinger’s cat: Wine doesn’t need salt. Well, it shouldn’t need salt. It would be a really bad wine that needed salt.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
They just wanted it more.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Least favorite cliche is much easier for me to answer. How about “smash mouth football” or “punch the other team in the mouth?”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
There are two good ones. An injured player is “out with a (blank)” (insert random body part). Yesterday, one of the Texans was out for most of the pre-season with a back.
My wife loves when a receiver makes a “clean catch” on the sideline. Google that one.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Physicality. WTF is that word? Who the fuck invented such a stoopid word?
Also—“He gives 110%”. Math idiots. Drives me CRAZY
September 20th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
Just once I’d like to hear one of those jackasses say, “Well, this team will definitely have to step their game down a notch to be competitive.”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
“He loves to hit!”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
And the John Madden Corollary: “What these guys need to do is get some points on the board.”
A.
September 20th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
“Happy feet”
September 20th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
(To clarify, since I have no edit option on this computer, that’s my favorite cliche. It always makes me smile.)
September 20th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Anything Chris Berman says.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
@Punchy:
Physicality is good.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
“Heh heh. You said BALL!”
And if that’s not a sports cliche, IT SHOULD BE.
.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
@Athenae: I think anything Madden ever said falls in this category.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Joe Posnanski is having a field day mocking these guys on Twitter.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Joe Posnanski is having a field day mocking these guys on Twitter.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
@Comrade Luke and @Comrade Luke: Twice isn’t enough.
.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
The Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field…(say it in steely NFL Announcer guy voice, RIP)
Which I like.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
It’s not a cliché but I always mentally correct ‘intercepted’ for ‘intercieved.’ It’s not real word, I know. I just want parallelism. Call me pedantic.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
My favorite moment is when they describe a mistake as a “mental error”.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
@Ash Can:
That’s the only one that ever made sense to me, because you could actually see it. Or at least it seemed like it.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
that’ll move the chains!
September 20th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Gruden and Jowarski need to go away somewhere. Anywhere. Just get off my TV. I do not care what they used to call plays when you were coaching Gruden, nobody cares. And Ron Jaworski, you are actually in the broadcast booth now, not doing Edge NFL Matchup.
Oh yeah, and Jaworski, if USC has to vacate all Reggie Bush’s games and face a post season suspension and loss of scholarship then the least that can happen to Reggie Bush is they take his Heisman Trophy away. Since he cheated and screwed his school it’s the least he can do.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
wouldn’t interceived be a palinism?
September 20th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Gruden is just such a twit. And what’s with that new haircut? He looks like the Dutch Boy’s evil midget twin.
But the Niners are doing good (after scoring points for the other team on their opening possession).
I love football. High testosterone guys in tights. Huddle! And Jerry Rice looks great with his earrings.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
“Someone has to step up and make a football play”
That one always gets me. No, dumbass, someone’s gonna break out and make a baseball play instead.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
“The quarterback position.”
Is there some other type of quarterback?
September 20th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
“Now that’s a football player” – good to know, thought I was watching quilting.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
@DLewOnRoids:
That’s an excellent one.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
Gruden just said “I hated to play a team coming off a tough outing” he paused and then said it again!
September 20th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
@Jager:
That was good “coming off” and “tough outing”.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
One I’ve been noticing quite a bit this year is “Big Playability”. It’s annoying when repeated over and over by someone like Gruden.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
@schrodinger’s cat:
“@DougJ
So business and economics blogger, what is your specialty macro or micro econ? or business?”
I hereby decree that ‘DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice’s specialty is mathematical modeling, and in his next post, he will tell us when, whether, and in what sense, a transversality condition can be considered local or global information about a dynamic system.
I hope he discusses this vital issue in his next business and economics post, with lotsa snark.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
@Concerned Citizen:
You’re right, that’s an up and comer.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
And any Raider’s coach (ex or otherwise) who doesn’t commit assault and battery and bust some one in the jaw is one of the good ones in my book. But some might consider his color commentary to be a close equivalent.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Rocket Laser Arm
Also: Drive a truck through that hole.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Home Run Threat.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
Jaworski’s defense of Reggie Bush was horrifying. “Should the Heisman Club be police?” Yes, yes they should. Sure, Bush is a talented guy, but he cheated, so he loses the accolade he earned when he cheated.
Is Jaworski really saying that cheating shouldn’t matter when it comes to awards?
I HATE this team with a passion that burns with the fire of 1000 suns. I HATE THEM.
September 20th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
@Exurban Mom:
Can we ask Jaworski to compare and contrast Reggie Bush with Pete Rose?
September 20th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
“It’s X down and Y yards to go, I bet they dial up the blitz here.”
September 20th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
Just heard one of my favorites:
Those two teams don’t like each other.
September 20th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
“He’s as good a as anyone else in this league”
WTF does that mean anyway?
September 20th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
@Redshirt:
That’s not a cliche, that’s a legend. (I must not be much of a Bears fan, because I think the Pack’s swell too.)
September 20th, 2010 at 11:21 pm
Is there a rule that all white offensive linemen are required to have full sleeve tats, long ratty hair and shitty beards? They look like biker wannabes…and why wouldn’t the black guys have their tats done in a color lighter than their skin tones? Seems a waste to have expensive tats people can’t really see.
September 20th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
@Exurban Mom: Not trying to be inflammatory, but how did he cheat? I thought he took cash from the alumni (which I know is wrong, but isn’t cheating in the classic sense)
September 20th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Reggie Bush out for season? With a leg.
September 20th, 2010 at 11:25 pm
@ Concerned Citizen: I don’t think your question is inflammatory at all. IMHO, if you get lots of money given to you by wealthy alums, you don’t need to bust your butt in the summer trying to earn your spending money for the year, and you can spend all your time working out and learning the playbook. You’re gonna be better than the kid who has to work two jobs and scrimp to afford clothes and shoes and an occasional pizza on a Friday night. Not cheating in the traditional sense, sure, but cheating nonetheless—just my opinion.
And my fave football cliche? “He’s just special, that player.” Ooh, and the tendency to refer to a player’s extremities as “the leg” or “the knee” rather than “his leg” or “his knee.”
September 20th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
@Exurban Mom: Ok cool, thought I might have missed something. I get the point and I don’t disagree with it. I’d like to see the wealth collected by the schools from the football program more evenly spread to the players and their families.
September 20th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
I never thought I’d root for SF. Go Niners!
September 20th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Time for the 49ers to be strong. 22-22. Game on!
September 20th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
@Jager:
Yes, it’s a “point of emphasis” with the rules committee.
September 20th, 2010 at 11:53 pm
“The game is won in the trenches.”
“Guys flying around the ball.”
September 20th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
If I may-
“Get him in space” is actually a valid point. See: The first 7 minutes of Alabama/Duke, dumbass offensive coordinators who insist upon having their scat backs run between the tackles, any series the Oregon Ducks run, etc. It’s actually something many OCs fail to get right.
But yeah, pretty much everything else Gruden says is derp.
September 21st, 2010 at 12:00 am
@Exurban Mom:
He didn’t cheat.
No one on a football scholarship at a BCS school does any of the things you mention, unless they choose to. The “jobs” are usually at an alum’s business and they sit around and surf the web, if they are required to show up.
They get book allowances (any money not used is given as cash, and they sell the books after each semester/quarter), they get food allowances (even though they can eat free on campus, unused balance refunded as cash).
The really good ones that are NFL prospects get money from every agent that can get within “$100 handshake” distance.
Reggie Bush’s main mistake was that he broke the rules. If he is drafted, he is supposed to to either sign with the agent that gave him money, or pay him back. He did neither, so the agent squealed.
September 21st, 2010 at 12:03 am
“the big tight end”
“his big tight end”
etc.
For fuck’s sake – ALL tight ends are big! Stop fucking saying it every time!
After that, yah – “in space” is pretty craptacular too.
September 21st, 2010 at 12:09 am
“in this league” is a really bad one when it’s an NBA game, or a sports pundit analyzing the NBA draft. “You have to be able to box out in this league”
The NFL bozos use it too, but it’s almost used the way teenagers say “like” when people talk about the NBA.
Retch.
September 21st, 2010 at 12:18 am
as a Raider fan I LOVE Jon Gruden. Love him. As an announcer… eh, all television announcer suck nowadays.
Most hated cliche (as someone said up thread) X gives 110%. Ugh.
September 21st, 2010 at 12:30 am
the best cliches in football, unquestionably come from the scouting department, my all time favorite…
“moves well in space”
followed by
wood haulers butt
knee-benders and waist benders
tight in the hips
plays the piano…as in rahm plays the piano, working in the trenches, but he doesn’t move well in space, you don’t want him out front talking to the media.
September 21st, 2010 at 12:37 am
@Redshirt: Assuming you mean the old NFL Films voiceover guy, Harry Kalas, then yes, definitely RIP. He’s missed greatly here in Philly. Home runs still aren’t the same…
September 21st, 2010 at 1:10 am
They really need to convert this third down to keep the drive alive.
September 21st, 2010 at 1:15 am
George Carlin:
In football, the object is for the quarterback, sometimes called the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack which may consist of power plays designed to punch holes in the forward wall of the enemy’s defensive line.
In baseball, the object is to get home . . . safe.
September 21st, 2010 at 2:00 am
The way teenagers say “like” is similar to the way Troy Aikman uses “what”—that is, all the time, in unnecessary places:
“He forced Eli Manning to get rid of that football probably a little bit earlier than what he would have liked.”
Here’s a catalogue of abuses. Phil Simms has the same habit, although not in every other sentence like Aikman.
September 21st, 2010 at 2:13 am
@themann1086: The NFL Films guy before Kalas was even more legendary: John Facenda, IIRC. But Kalas is sorely missed in his own right. (I lived in Philly 1992-2005.)
September 21st, 2010 at 3:02 am
No, I don’t hate Gruden as much as you. I give him a pass for being the caretaker of Tony Dungey TB Bucs, and giving us long suffering fans a Super Bowl championship.
He’s much better suited to the tube than the field.
But that was then….
GO FALCONS!
September 21st, 2010 at 4:56 am
“They have to go out there and make some plays if they’re going to score” or whatever variation of the Maddenesque allows commentators to fill dead air with the observation that getting points is how you win at football.
It’s far from the funniest one in football but I think the very essence of this comment, distilled and bottled, is what you get from 24 hour news. It’s perfectly excusable in football, really, even if it’s embarrassing to hear, since you’ve got to fill that time with something other than players and refs meandering around the field, even if there is literally nothing worth noting or discussing.
But when every single news story becomes all-day live expo coverage, you’re in trouble. That’s when you have to get out there and play both offense and defense, move the ball into the end zone, or you’ll get outscored every time.
September 21st, 2010 at 7:25 am
“This could be a game-changer” (or, it might not be).
On fourth down—”They have to punt the ball here” (no, they actually don’t have to punt—but they probably will).
“He’s one of the good guys” (just because it’s so banal).
“Leave it all on the field” (also very banal).
To be clear, these are cliches that set my teeth on edge (to use another cliche). The 110% thing drives me nuts.
September 21st, 2010 at 8:05 am
I don’t know that I hate Jon Gruden. But the fact that most people seem to like him does annoy me…
September 21st, 2010 at 8:54 am
On 3rd and long: “Now the defense can just pin their ears back.”
I know what it means (ignore the run and go fully after the QB), but I don’t know what it means. They say it every time though.
To be meta-fair about this whole topic: you try calling hundreds of football games with fresh verbal imagery each time.
September 21st, 2010 at 9:15 am
This is a crucial third down situation.
September 21st, 2010 at 9:54 am
“Firing on all cylinders”, which has now become “hitting on all cylinders.”
September 21st, 2010 at 10:18 am
“Head on a swivel,” as in, “he really keeps his head on a swivel in the flat.”
September 21st, 2010 at 11:36 am
This isn’t really a cliche, but a couple of years ago I heard John Madden describing a player who was pivotal to his team’s chances to do something or other: “The onus is on him to step up, and he really has been playing with a lot more onus lately.” Really.
September 21st, 2010 at 12:45 pm
110 %
Reminds me of a couple of maintenance men I worked with years ago. They were both among the slowest moving most leisurely people you could ever meet. Once one of them was being remonstrated by their supervisor for being so leisurely. To which he replied, “I always give 110 %.
The other responded, “If you give 110 %, then i give 220.
September 21st, 2010 at 1:16 pm