This morning, I wondered which beltway hack would be the first to embrace McCain’s penis mavericky credentials and give them the tongue bath they so desperately need, and little did I know that David Broder had already put a spit shine on things:
Now that John McCain has taken care of his political business in Arizona, it is time for him to return to Washington and the responsibilities he bears as a leader of the Republican Party and the nation.
I did not begrudge him the $20 million he spent to win Tuesday’s primary, or whatever amount it was. Nor was I bothered by the doctrinal compromises the senator made in order to convince Arizona voters that he was, in fact, a conservative. McCain has always been a realist, doing what is necessary to survive a North Vietnamese prison camp or a tough political trap. His 2000 embrace of George W. Bush — a man he had every reason to dislike — showed his practicality, and it made possible his own presidential nomination in 2008.
I think I’m going to vomit. I wish Broder would say something that would offend AIPAC so we could get his worthless ass fired.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Oh. My. Fucking. God. Even for Broder this is just extraordinary. He had to run away from his own immigration bill and stop any effort to stop the death of the planet to save himself from the Heathen Commies!
Bob L
Amazing. Considering how much McCain clearly likes the ladies he gets a lot of action from the guys like this piece.
Susan Kitchens
This is one worthy of a new entry in the lexicon.
Begrudge?
Realist?
Begrudge Realism: The Realist McCain BeGrudging?
Mulling the permutations….
me
Broder wouldn’t begrudge McCain if he shit in his Cheerios.
quaint irene
And don’t forget that being a prisoner of war somehow makes him an expert on all things military and foreign policy.
Tonal Crow
When a Republican tacks right, it’s “doctrinal compromises”. When a Democrat tacks left, it’s “caving in to extreme liberal elements”.
FSM how I hate our press.
Joseph Nobles
Nicely done. Anchoring John McCain’s lack of character firmly in his “do anything to survive” mentality from his war incarceration. Criticize McCain for being a weasel and you’re the equivalent of the North Vietnamese! Ta-da! And now for Broder’s next trick, it’s Obama’s own fault people think he’s a Muslin.
debbie
“Doctrinal compromises” by anyone else would be called “flip-flop.”
Mark S.
Even when he’s selling out whatever political principles he once had John McCain displays superhuman quantities of courage.
Geez, what an insult to POW’s (not McCain, Broder’s comparison).
mikefromArlington
McCain was in Vietnam?
C Nelson Reilly
The real mavericky McCain would have suspended his campaign and returned to Washington and the responsibilities he bears as the leader of the Republican Party and the nation and the world and the universe.
Betty Cracker
Maybe on Broder’s planet “practical realist” is a synonym for “unprincipled egomaniacal dickhead.”
Paul T
Please dump the daily “vomit” references.
stuckinred
Ted Sampley “accused McCain of being a weak-minded coward who had escaped death by collaborating with the enemy. Sampley claimed that McCain had first been compromised by the Vietnamese, then recruited by the Soviets. “
Hmmmmm
stuckinred
@Paul T: Yea, “hurl” is much more “now”!
Violet
John McCain did whatever it took to honor his marriage vows with his first wife, including boning a rich, blonde teenager and then marrying her instead. Such a rugged realist, John McCain. He knew he’d need that money and made the sacrifice.
Face
Brianna Banks would be proud of that helmet polishing.
Citizen_X
I’m sorry, but I have to give Broder credit: “doctrinal compromises” is the best euphemism for prostitution EVAR!
Mark S.
@Violet:
He did it for his country.
licensed to kill time
Hmm. I didn’t know John McCain was a POW! That changes everything! Thanks, BroderMcCainbrain!
Culture of Truth
Which was worthwhile because….?
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Citizen_X: Especially considering Broder’s pious scolding of Obama for ‘backtracking’ on the NYC Muslim center.
Stooleo
Yep, Weather vane McCain, blowin’ in the wind.
Nylund
So being an insincere, unprincipled, two-faced, power-hungry liar a good thing?
Marc
Yes, David, betraying your principles (if you have any) for political advantage is exactly the same as surviving a North Vietnamese prison camp.
Punchy
Yes, literally. He drove a great many planes straight into the ground. Has flying skills on par with Snooki’s skills at looking Skinni.
Davis X. Machina
They made John McCain.
If he’s a fraud, they’re a fraud.
They have to ride this one all the way down. No matter how many 1080º’s he makes in the process.
And then interrupt normal programming all day for his funeral.
morzer
Any claim that Broder has to seriousness disintegrates when he puts “Republican Party” and “responsibilities” in the same sentence. The two concepts don’t even inhabit the same country.
Culture of Truth
medieval Broder:
“Let’s not worry about ‘oo killed ‘oo”!
Violet
Since when is McCain any kind of leader of the Republican Party? They hate him, always have. Limbaugh only supported him during the final election period and dumped and blamed him after the GOP lost.
As for being a leader of the nation? Uh…no. That’s Obama. He won the election. Leader of the free world, bitchez.
Irony Abounds
After reading that, my only question is does Broder spit or swallow?
Anoniminous
(Since we seem to be doing re-runs from 2008)
“I don’t begrudge” is, in fact, central to Broder’s point.
Culture of Truth
“Tough political trap” = Actually getting elected
Chad N Freude
C’mon, John. That blockquote is political satire. Right? Right? Ri-i-i- – . . .? Omigod.
morzer
@Irony Abounds:
I assume he does both, very seriously and with immense gravitas.
LanceThruster
If he said something to offend AIPAC, he might not be so worthless.
Ipse dixit!
Dracula
And all this time I had thought that Obama had won the election.
Ed: aaaannnd Violet got there first…
morzer
McCain has always been a realist, doing what is necessary to survive a North Vietnamese prison camp or a tough political trap.
First he betrayed his country, then he betrayed his principles. Isn’t that what Broder really means?
The Dangerman
Spit shine? Shit; that could have sucked a golf ball through 30 yards of surgical tubing.
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
Once I was in the Washington Post men’s room taking a shit and from the stall next to me came the unmistakable voice of David Broder saying, “goddammit, this is the worst blowjob I’ve ever had! You suck just like a Jew!” Swear to god. Pass it along.
Cacti
If McCain’s opponents had put up someone other than completely unrepentant sleaze J.D. Hayworth, Grampy might have lost.
Chad N Freude
Don’t forget how he staunchly defended Charles Keating.
danimal
I may not vomit (or hurl), but I get frothing mad at the implicit argument that Broder is excusing. To Broder, McCain and much of the establishment GOP, politics is a game. A cynical game. Broder is excusing McCain because he knows that McGrumpypants is just playing the “tack to the right, tack to middle, fight, fight, fight” game.” The real McCain is presumably someone different than the one who is voting in the U.S. Senate, and somehow Broder understands the difference between the two McCains (and the two Gingriches and two Palins, etc).
The consequences don’t matter. Winning is all that matters. If illegal immigrants die in the desert or Afghan wedding parties are blown up or the sea level on planet earth increases 12 feet, it just isn’t as important as winning the game. It is corrupt and evil and High Broderism accommodates the game to an astonishing degree. It’s awfully condescending to conservative voters also, too.
dmsilev
Someone needs to fess up. Clearly, the real David Broder has been kidnapped and is locked in a basement somewhere, while a parodist is writing a series of “David Broder turned up to 11” columns. Has anyone seen DougJ recently?
dms
farmette
Good to know that “doctrinal compromises” and similar flim flam are now enviable constructs of McCain’s heroic personality.
Culture of Truth
Broder, August 25:
“AIPAC have always been realists…”
Chad N Freude
Re doctrinal compromises: Aren’t compromises the very essence of bipartisanship?
p.a.
told ya (see Let the Fluffing Begin, comment 5)
Godwin’s Law: comparing your opponent to Nazis
loses you your argument
Poe’s Law: you can’t satirize fundamentalism
New Law: you can’t underestimate the MSM
corollary: the pull of an established media meme is greater
than the gravitational force of a black hole
dmsilev
Shouldn’t that read “a man whom he hates with the passion of a thousand burning suns for denying him the Presidency”? Or is that insufficiently bipartisan?
dms
mr. whipple
HA! And who called Broder this morning?
Bask in my brilliance!
The Moar You Know
Wow. Now there’s a man who has calluses on his knees. No shrinking violet, this Broder. He knows what he wants and what he wants is President McCain’s dick lodged in his throat.
I’d say Cindy must be jealous, but let’s face it, fucking John McCain must be the most disgusting chore on the face on the planet. I’m sure she’s happy to let Broder do it, while she waits for the old man to die.
sven
@Davis X. Machina: You’ve said it.
Broder’s entire shtick is an unwavering insistence that the country will be saved when heroic statesmen rise above party politics, reach across the aisle, and enact tough-minded centrist compromises.
It’s either admit the whole theory is a sham or invest McCain with the mystical aura of Abraham Delano Washington.
kdaug
Swear to God, this all goes back to the culture wars of the 60s. Straights v. Hippies, pro-war v. anti-war, ad nauseum.
Broder bought the Jessica Lynch story about McCain and just can’t let it go. McCain’s a Vietnam hero, dontchaknow, and can do no wrong. (Psst, Dave – it was a lie.)
The sooner these old fucks die off, the better off the rest of us will be.
evinfuilt
@mikefromArlington:
I hear he might have been a POW, but he also says he never talks about. Want to hear more from him about how it doesn’t talk about his time as a POW?
GOPhuckYourself
Shorter Broder —
By wh**ring himself and slurping on the c**k of the Tea Party, John McCain proved to me that he’s no wh**re that will slurp on anyone’s c**k.
me
@dmsilev: He’s probably just going senile and self-parody is the way he chose to disguise it.
evinfuilt
@sven:
Amazing how he thinks all of that and at the same time seems to approve of “doctrinal compromises” that seem to counter all of his bipartisan love fest.
Border makes no sense, but I repeat myself.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
Oh it isn’t all bad. Broder just said in so many words that the Republican voters of Arizona are every bit as bad as the sadists who ran the Hanoi Hilton and tortured POWs. Sounds about right to me.
Tax Analyst
Wow! I did not know McCain was a POW! I guess now I have to take back all the nasty things I’ve said about his endless silly nattering about “bi-partisanship”, his cynical opposition to virtually any and all Democratic proposals – even those that incorporate his own previous proposals, his shameless pandering, his abysmal judgment, and his general overall lack of fitness or aptitude for any type of position of leadership.
PTirebiter
Someone should remind Broder that McCain came home in the passenger section of a plane. Some 60,000 came home in cargo holds and given the choice, I’m sure their trade their Vietnam experience for John McCain’s. I doubt a month has gone by that someone hasn’t thanked McCain for crashing and getting captured.
Onkel Fritze
I find that very educational.
I have learned that a Republican primary in Arizona is essentially like a North Vietnamese prison camp.
quaint irene
Over at Free Republic, there is much crepe-hanging over McCain’s win.
Wow, do they hate him over there!
Tax Analyst
@danimal:
Yes, and if you’d tasted McCain’s media-pundit pleasing BBQ sauce at one of his get-togethers you would know the difference, too. I’ll bet when ‘old John’ lets his hair down with his media
friendswhores he’s a helluva a lot of fun…a much more fun guy than the vain, lying, cynical, manipulative, unprincipled old turd who apparently does not give a flying fuck about what happens to the actual people of this nation.But I’m guessing you probably weren’t invited, so I guess you probably have never had the chance to “do” one of McGrampy’s BBQ’s.
Vico
Broder is such an easy target.
But that doesn’t mean regularly skewering him is any less fun — and even a little bit important.
Objective Scrutator
Broder has consistently been the dumbest of the Beltway pundits, just because everything he writes has an immediately predictive narrative to it, and has a predictable amount of premises to support his assertions (zero). Sure, you have the teahadist and the traditional conservatives, but at least they try to come up with a variety of premises. Sure, Richard Cohen probably writes the very worst columns, but at least his narrative changes.
Broder, however, always has the same fucking message in every single article he writes, completely without justifications for his premise. He’s essentially a robot, much like the teacher who goes out of his or her way to keep the students apolitical in Civics, except that the teacher will bother to include facts.
Whether or not Broder is the first to make a pathetic appeal towards bipartisanship, we all know that he will.
jake the snake
@ Irony Abounds
Don’t forget the “pearl necklace” option.
That being said, I take Broder for being a swallower.
BTW, I thought you were dead,
Sour Kraut
“They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I’m not made of steel!”
–Krusty the Klown
arguingwithsignposts
I am so glad the C4C Thunderdome pushed this out of my experiential zone until after work.
And seriously, GREEN BALLOONS on teh old guy ghey sex imagery. {shudder}
Comrade Sock Puppet of the Great Satan
Should “Broder Rimjob” become a tag?
asiangrrlMN
@Davis X. Machina: I hadn’t thought of this before, but you are right. If they have to admit that the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes (eewwwwww!), then they have to acknowledge that they, themselves, are also nekkid (double ewwww!). Still, Broder takes meaningless bipartisanship hackery to a new low with this fawning, fapping piece. I wonder if he sees starbursts when he gazes at McCain?
@arguingwithsignposts: Sorry. I didn’t see your plea until I posted, and now, I don’t want to edit my comment, so you will just have to live with it.
keestadoll
John McCain: Enabling America’s short attention span since 1982.
Admiral_Komack
“Now that John McCain has taken care of his political business in Arizona, it is time for him to return to Washington and the responsibilities he bears as a leader of the Republican Party and the nation.”
-Translation:
McCain will come back to Washington and make a big show of not looking at the President…you know, like in the first debate.
David Broder is an asshole and a suck-up.