Sorry for the lack of posts, but I’m rushing to get ready for a trip tomorrow that will have me out of town for the rest of the week. That means cleaning, hiding all the porn, and getting the instructions ready for the house-sitter.
And no, I’m not telling you where I am going, because every time I do, someone makes a generous offer to meet for a beer, and quite frankly, I’ve run out of excuses. It’s not you, it’s me. Ask Tim F.- he’s been trying for five years to get me to meet him 45 minutes away for a beer. I’m just an antisocial asshole.
Going to have an interesting dinner of “shit left over in the fridge.” Anyone have any suggestions for two pieces of turkey, a half a container of blackberries, three eggs, and some homemade marinara?
*** Update ***
I forgot- one of the few remaining sane conservatives will be posting here.
R-Jud
Yes. Order a pizza.
John G
Anyone have any suggestions for two pieces of turkey, a half a container of blackberries, three eggs, and some homemade marinara?
One Word: Blender
slag
Wait. So, you’ll shower with Rahm Emanuel but you won’t even go out for a beer with Tim F?!?
On second thought…I can see it.
TaosJohn
Wow! You sound just like me, which probably doesn’t make your day, but still.
People who read my writing come through Taos all the time and want to meet me, buy me dinner, whatever. Eleven years here, and I haven’t met up with any of them yet. Maybe I can turn this into a Salinger thing.
Violet
Is that two pieces of turkey lunch meat? Or real turkey? If it’s real turkey, cook the turkey with the marinara. Or if the turkey’s already cooked, warm up both in microwave, then bake slightly in the oven for the flavors to meld.
Make crepes with the eggs and top with blackberries. Crepes are shockingly easy; don’t be intimidated by them.
Comrade Mary
If you have pasta in the pantry, marinara plus re-fried turkey will work.
If you have pasta AND parmesan (even the crap in the green can) and maybe are willing to pretend the turkey is bacon, you can make a bastard carbonara.
Or: if you have bread or bread crumbs, dip the turkey in eggs, dredge in crumbs (or, hell, flour), and fry, and have the pasta with marinara.
Then have the blackberries for dessert.
So, no hints about your trip? Does it require a passport?
Paddy
Oooh, John, I hope you’re coming to Northern Indiana, ’cause I’m a GHB** and wouldn’t meet you for a drink either. See? We would cancel each other out.
**Grumpy Hermit Bitch
Gotta has lunch on a weekly basis with someone that reads the blog and I won’t even go to a town hall with a long time reader 15 minutes away.
Comrade Mary
BTW, John, this seems to be a super-sekrit thread available only through the nav choices at the top of DougJ’s temperature post. I can’t see it at all on the front page.
Bill E Pilgrim
Leave the stuff in the fridge long enough and it can walk out and go meet people for a beer for you.
I’d swear I saw something moving in mine, the other day.
John Cole
@R-Jud: Good call. I ordered a pacific veggie pizza from dominos. Only place that delivers here in the sticks.
Comrade Mary
There are a few things twitching in my fridge, too. I figure if I leave them for another week, they can come out and write my CSS for me. Drinking beer is my job and I’m not handing it out to the recently evolved.
R-Jud
@John Cole: Sadly, they’re the only place that delivers in our neighborhood as well. Crappy American pizza is now everywhere.
Nellcote
The General has a new project
He needs to start advertising it on wingnut sites.
Roger Moore
@slag:
Fixt. I don’t find this too surprising; just take a look a picture of Rahm sometime.
TR
So, it’s either Daniel Larison or … fuck, that’s all I’ve got.
Martin
I do, but it’ll require breaking the porn back out again.
MikeJ
@TR: The South will rise again Larison? Try again for sanity.
Wile E. Quixote
@John Cole
Darn! If you were coming to the Seattle area I was going to ask you over for a beer, and some naked mopping.
Roger Moore
@TR:
Nope. Larison is taking time off from his own blog this week to get married, so there’s no way he’d going to be guest blogging here.
General Stuck
A non existent person posting threads about nothing. Should be relaxing.
Martin
Wait, Obama will be blogging here?
New Yorker
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/03/mosque-near-ground-zero-clears-key-hurdle/
The Constitution and sanity win another battle here. As much as Mike Bloomberg might be an annoying twat, thank god he’s on the right side of this “controversy”.
Also, I may not have said it before so I’ll say it now: all former beauty queen failed governors from western states who dismiss my city as not “real” American can fuck off and die. This is for NYC to decide. Nobody asked you anything.
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
Isn’t that a contradiction, “sane conservative” and “posting here?”
Rommie
I wonder which sane conservative will risk the scarlet D, and getting the Tea Party folks warming up the Tea Bags, for posting on Balloon Juice? Sounds like a one-way trip…
General Stuck
ON the other hand, it should be interesting the parlay between them and our manic progressive dainty element.
Batocchio
Great, way to out this rare species and make this person lose their teabagger cred!
New Yorker @ 22 – here ya go!
http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktivist/2010/07/if-you-can-make-it-there.html
D-Chance.
That means cleaning, hiding all the porn, and getting the instructions ready for the house-sitter.
You realize that, with a week to kill, a good house-sitter will hunt out and find the porn (and re-hide it just before you return)?
New Yorker
@Batocchio:
Well said, but way too polite. I think we need that blog post read aloud by someone like Robert De Niro with about 15 f-bombs inserted to make it more to my liking.
In other news, the farcical “engagement” between Bristol and Levi is kaput, and there’s not a peep about it at Sully’s. What gives?
Bob L
I forgot- one of the few remaining sane conservatives will be posting here.
I thought in todays politics being a sane conservative makes you a radical liberal who hates America.
xochi
Wow! Andrew Sullivan is going to be posting here?
No, that’s OK, I’ll let myself out.
Allen
“And no, I’m not telling you where I…” I thought that sentence was going to end, “hid the porn.”
Martin
@D-Chance.: Actually, with a week to kill a good house sitter will rent out the house to film some porn and bleach the linoleum just before you return.
JGabriel
This post’s content deleted by author, because someone else already used the punchline. Dammit.
.
RedKitten
@Martin: So if we see a familiar pink-and-orange table runner during a scene of Assmasters IV, we can applaud John’s house-sitter for his or her initiative, then?
Mnemosyne
@New Yorker:
You mean the one she announced on the cover of People magazine without telling her parents?
Gee, I can’t imagine why that didn’t work out the way she planned.
RedKitten
And I can relate to the anti-social tendencies. There have been times that I’ve traveled to a town or city where I have friends or family and have deliberately not let anybody know I was going, otherwise I’d wind up spending most of the day visiting people instead of doing whatever it is that I originally wanted to do.
freelancer
Is it Weigel? Please say it isn’t Weigel after the week he had at Sully’s.
Gamer Ron
Oh, you are so going to Gencon, aren’t you?
General Stuck
Maybe Cole is twelve stepping his former buds. If it’s Rick Moran, I want to be the first to strip down and run nekkid through this blog with my freak flag flying high.
jeffreyw
Indict this.
JGabriel
John Cole:
You’re just fucking with our heads. There’s no such beast.
.
John O
I don’t know if I can count Larison among sane conservatives given his apparent impending nuptials.
Let’s play, “Guess the guest poster!”
I say Newt Gingrich.
asiangrrlMN
Please please tell me it’s Megan McArdle. We would have a field day with her. And, if you’re ever in MN, I’ll gladly not have a beer with you.
The Dangerman
@RedKitten:
I’m reasonably certain that any porn filmed at that location will be titled “Tanks For The Mammaries” (starring Tunch as Tank, of course).
John O
Paul Ryan. He’s an intellectual!
bemused
It must be very lonely to be a sane conservative these days.
srv
John, come to SF, I’ll give you a nice bar to go to, and I won’t show up. I might tell Cindy Sheehan to stop by if she’s in the area though.
burnspbesq
@TR:
Larison is on his honeymoon and isn’t even posting on his own blog.
John O
David Frum! Apostate!
burnspbesq
I would guess Bartlett or Freidersdorf.
Ash Can
Yeah, yeah. That’s what they all say.
@asiangrrlMN: Sadly, John did say “sane.” Can you imagine it, though? We’d all get thank-you notes from that poor thing’s therapist.
John O
George H.W. Bush!
_zack_
I guess your request for suggestions of what to do with two pieces of turkey, a half a container of blackberries, three eggs, and some homemade marinara was just rhetorical.
The answer turned out to be “a sane conservative” – whatever that is.
Sounds to me like a perfectly good waste of turkey.
Arclite
Who has porn just lying around anymore? Just password protect the laptop and be on your way.
asiangrrlMN
@burnspbesq: I actually was gonna say Freidersdorf, but that’s not as funny as Megan McArdle.
@Ash Can: Oh, I know. I just think it would be such a blast to have MM2 here. “I am the daughter of REAL academics, my dear…” Ha. She would be destroyed within minutes.
TaMara (BHF)
Isn’t everyone who posts here?
John O
Megan can’t venture out of her trust-fund bubble, though, asiangrrlMN.
No doubt she fancies herself a Very Serious Person, and cannot be bothered by rabble like me.
Nazgul35
Screw you…where’s the porn?!
debit
@asiangrrlMN: Yeah! We manage to be in the same state and not have beers together all the time. In fact, we’re not having beers together RIGHT NOW.
(Although I was thinking that if you wanted to meet the kittehs and the Chloe dog, you would be more than welcome to come over. Perhaps using the pretext of a Vikings game. Beer is optional.)
@ openthread: Can I just say I can’t believe I biked in this freaking heat and humidity? Good god, that was awful.
The next to last samurai
John, as long as you’re not coming anyway, don’t call and we won’t get together.
Martin
Wiegel would be great fun around here – but he’s not a conservative. Libertarianish.
The only really sane conservative I can name is Bacevich.
And inviting McMegan would just be cruel. Fun for us in a public stoning kind of way. And I think that’s the way of thinking about it – who wouldn’t we want to destroy on first sight (considering the warm reception we give Greenwald when he swings by).
gil mann
You know a member of the British Parliament?
WereBear
I think the housesitter should film Naked Mopping: Good Clean Fun.
And you thought fur on the couch was a real problem…
Kiril
Jack Danforth?
D-Chance.
@Martin: Good call. Cole will be surprised when his next DVD has a familiar looking cat lounging around in the background…
Agatha
@TaosJohn:
Hi,
I’ve never heard of you and won’t ask you to meet for a beer.
However, I just clicked on your name and chose at random from your blog’s previous posts.
It was this one:
http://www.farrfeed.com/2009/08/05/natural-born-killer/
I loved this story of the mouse in the purse, and the picture of your cat is wonderful.
Now when I think of the cat with his head in the purse, I start laughing. (“How to tell if there’s a mouse in your purse….” )
Zuzu's Petals
Some sad news passed along by a friend who lives in the area:
Sheltered animals killed in fire.
If they get a PayPal link set up, I’ll post it.
Zuzu's Petals
@Nellcote:
Better yet, he could be selling those rebel flags on Amazon and making a few bucks on the side.
Nellcote
John Huntsman will be blogging from China?
Corner Stone
WTF are you talking about? You’ve been to more parties in the past month than I can count. Fer crissake an ostensibly single male just went to a freakin baby shower!
Hon, I don’t know what you call that but it ain’t antisocial.
djESNO
SMOOTHIE RECIPE…..
about 8 months ago john had an awesome smoothie recipe….we just started blending and juicing (my wife, actually)….does anybody have a link to that post or, additionally, an awesome smoothie recipe?
djESNO
@General Stuck: “Manic Progressive Dainty Element” would be a great name for a suck-ass band!
burnspbesq
I’m feeling smug tonight. I got the right answer in andrew’s view from your window contest.
wobbly
I got it right too, and feel anything but smug.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7NW_dtzpOE&feature=related
Yeah, whatever happened to all those moderate Muslims we like so so much???
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/09/AR2010070902351.html
Yutsano
@burnspbesq: Hell I got a Final Jeopardy answer right when all three contestants whiffed it. But I’m also of the opinion your Shakespeare teacher should be a crusty curmudgeon. Whatever else happens, you WON’T forget the material.
Death Panel Truck
John, hiding the porn these days generally consists of just turning off the computer.
Not that I would, you know, ahem, know a lot about that or anything…
Trinity
I completely understand how you feel about the “meeting for a beer” thing. I too am an “antisocial asshole”. Unbelievably, I managed to find a man much like me and we now live in wedded antisocial bliss. And we don’t even have to bother to hide all the porn! Good times.
Enjoy your time away John! :)
Xanthippas
Oh John. You speak to my heart. The internet was made to allow introverts to keep up with each other and everyone else in as painless a manner as possible.